Let Them | Finding Freedom with Two Words

In this episode of Generational Tea, we're diving into one of the most freeing concepts we've ever come across — the "Let Them" philosophy made popular by Mel Robbins. Inspired by ancient wisdom and modern psychology, Let Them is a mindset that helps you reclaim your energy, peace, and personal power by letting people be who they are — and choosing how you respond. We break down how this powerful two-word phrase is rooted in ideas like stoicism, radical acceptance, and emotional detachment, and share real-world examples from our own lives. Plus, we explore the second half of the equation: Let Me — how taking ownership of our actions and reactions leads to true empowerment. Whether you're struggling with judgment, difficult people, or external opinions, this episode will leave you with practical tools (and a lot of laughs) to step fully into your own growth journey. Tune in and learn how to stop wasting your energy on what you can't control — and start living your wild, precious life on your own terms. 

• Join the conversation: Are the opinions of others preventing you from doing something you is the right choice for yourself? How did your weekly challenge go? Share your reflections in the comments or via our social media.
• What She Said: "The more you let other people live their lives, the better your life gets. And, the more you let people be who they are, or feel what they feel, or think what they think, the better your relationships will be. Learning how to let adults be adults has changed my life. And it will change yours too, because when you finally stop giving your power to other people, you’ll see how much power you truly have". — Mel Robbins
• This episode is based on Let Them by Mel Robbins
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• Microphone flags by Impact PBS
• Intro music by Cymatix
• Logo by @makariann 
• Business email: generationalteapod@gmail.com

Transcript

0:11

Well. I'm drinking my mushroom coffee. Oh gosh. Mine's terrible right now. That rise stuff. I mixed it in with the other, the good stuff. The everyday dose effed it up. Really. I don't, I can't even stand it. It's not, you don't, great. But I definitely don't mind drinking it. Well, I don't have any cream right now either. Oh, well that's, yeah. Yeah. Well, you, you drink your coffee black. I'm sure. It's probably terrible. Yeah, it's, I even put some coconut oil in there thinking that maybe, and it, it did make it a little more palpable, but I just can't finish the whole thing. It's terrible. You know who else is obsessed with mushroom coffee? Weston Honey Badger. Uh oh. He loves it. He, oh my gosh. I made it the past two mornings and he is like a maniac trying to get to this mushroom coffee and trying to lick it out of there. Really? It's not the cream. Yes. Oh my gosh. Beauty pie. I guess not. He doesn't go for my normal coffee like this. And yeah, listeners, honey Badger is my cat. I don't actually have a honey badger. Yes. I wish I did. So Honey Badger is all into the mushroom coffee now. Well, He's going back to get his cholesterol retaken and he don't wanna have to go on no meds. He is crazy. He used to be so skittish, and now every morning when I let Sawyer out, honey badger darts right out. Really? Yes. He loves going outside. Where's Harley? Because I haven't seen him in a minute. Harley be sleeping all the time. I think he's depressed. Harley's depressed? No. Oh gosh. I don't think he is. I think he's just a cat. Well, I think what you should do is you should sit down with Harley and um, read, let them to. To Harley and then y'all could, you know, do like question and answer after every chapter. And let's see if we can't get this dude back on track. Well, he does like to talk. I know, I know. He loves it. He is like, Kat, I'll be like, Hey. He'll be like now. And then I'll just keep talking and then he will say meow to everything. Yes, yes. He's so cute. Got best cats, but he has different tones. You do have the best cat. Cat lady. Yes. This cat. Yeah. Any of our listeners. If you have a cat, send us picture of your cat.'cause it'll make my day. Yes, please. Or a dog, I guess. You know I like cats more. She likes cats. She thought she might like a dog, but then she got a dog and this idiot dog is over here Wallering right now. He likes the wall or where he will like flip himself up. You know how he does? Yes, but I'm explaining it. He flips himself upside down and chews on his feet Yes, he has. And you might be able to hear him. He's very aggressive. I hear him Well, and the other thing about that little booger, it's, it's his way of pouting. Or getting his aggression up. Oh yeah. When he's, if he's not getting frustration, he's gonna wall her. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yep. Yep. It terrible. If he doesn't get his way, that's just like, Garrett and Dawson's, Kramer, like if they try to clean out his ears and Dawson is the one that has to do it, he gets mad and goes and sits for hours, will get in his bed. And refuse to make eye contact with you. It is like total shame. They're toddlers. They're so toddlers. When you do something to make a cat mad. Oh my God. Is that his stomach growling? No, that's the sound he makes when he Waller. I need you to calm down. I'm Mommy's trying to film. Okay. But when you make a cat mat, it's like a three month campaign. Yes. Or they're gaslighting you or something. They are, and they look at you as s I'm being gaslighted, right? Today, this morning, really? I don't know what I did. I put SO'S Frisbee on the table. It's gone. I dunno where it is. I looked all morning and it wasn't, I took him out at like 3:00 AM and he wanted to put it to Frisbee, so I took it from him. I put him on the table. It's gone. Oh my gosh. I'll find it. I know you just got it for him. Oh he'll, you'll find it. And no doubt the cats took it somewhere. Oh yeah, yeah. The hair ties is the funniest thing. Oh my God. The other night, Weston had some beef jerky and he. Ate the whole bag. It was, of course, I'm not trying to make him look bad. He ate the whole bag and he just like left it by the couch. And then like five minutes later we see Harley raced across the house and he's carrying the bag of beef Turkey in his, the empty bag. It was pretty hilarious. Oh my gosh. And those cats, man, cats can't be shamed. Nope. You, you cannot, can't parent them. You cannot parent a Accept your fate. Yeah. Yeah. So listeners out there, let us know what kind of personality your cat has because are they a demon? Yes. Yes. Yeah. Sorry for all the background noises today. I can't control my children. No, no, no. It's Friday. They're ready for the weekend. But guess what? What I. And going to let them act crazy. Yes, yes. Speaking of which, yes. Yes. That's a great segue into our fun topic today. I'm sure maybe some of you have heard of this book we're gonna talk about today kind of taken the internet by storm and I can see why after reading it I'm like, wow, this is probably the most revolutionary and simple self-help book I've ever read. And it's, I know, I feel like it's already making a difference in my life. Like. And I really didn't have to work that hard to apply it. It's just like that little reminder, like if I'm getting annoyed or whatever, whatever. Yeah. Let them do it. I'm just gonna focus on what I can control. Right, right. For sure. So yeah, this book, wait, we didn't even introduce ourselves. Welcome to the Generational Tea Podcast. I'm Cana. And I'm Ronnie. And today we are gonna talk about Let Them by Mel Robbins. Boss check. Boss book. Yes. All of it. Boss. 10 outta 10. All the boss. Yeah. 10 outta 10, boss. A hundred percent. Mel. Yes. Well, before we dive into how this book is already working in our lives and how it can start to change yours as well, we do wanna again, ask for reviews, follow subscribes like. All of it. It just goes to build our podcast so we can reach more women and build a bigger community of women and we can all keep growing and learning together. So yes, not only that, but it really does make our day. We do put a lot of work into this, and so this is how you can help us out if you want to, and you enjoy our stuff. So, yeah, believe this is something, something, leave us a little message. Yes. Let's talk about human nature and, first of all, we always need to be studying ourselves and reevaluating things and, and just studying it. Just, just to be aware. You don't have to necessarily start out by making big changes. These are little small things that you can do, but if you don't have the self-awareness, so the first thing we want you to do while you're listening to this is just kind of, if you can take a deep breath and just hold on'cause we've got some great news for you. Yeah, a lot of the book Mel brings it back to, oh, look at the criminals. Here he is going for the mushroom coffee. Okay. Sorry. A lot of this book Mel is referencing back to psychology and research and human nature and just acknowledging the fact that we are hardwired for a need for control. We may not want to admit it. Here comes the other criminal Harley. He also wants to get some of that mushroom color. This is why filming is impossible. Okay. Anyways, yes, we are all hardwired with the need for control. Mm-hmm. Some more than others. And I feel like a lot of it is based on experiences you have, may feel like you need to control things more if you wanna protect yourself or whatever. Whatever. Ask yourself this. Have you been fighting to change those around you? Control situations or worry about what people say or think? A guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty. Yes, yes, yes. Same. Same, same. Yes. Yes, but bad news, all of that is just creating unnecessary stress, tension, and friction for yourself and your relationships. And it's taking away your own power, whether we realize it or not, over time, this has a huge impact on us. Yeah, so this is the premise of the Let Them book and why. Millions of people have read and Raved about this book, and we are now two of those people like, I said, this is my favorite self-help book I have ever read. as someone that's. Just been chronically worried about what other people think about me for years and years and trying to manage my perception, other people's perception of me. This just hit me really hard and I needed it. So yeah, today we're just gonna dig into the first nine chapters'cause we think that's where the most like simple, valuable insights and we're probably gonna. Take insights from her book and other episodes we do as well. But we highly recommend reading it all the way through. Just, yes, so much good stuff throughout each chapter. And it reads to me, it's an easy read because It doesn't flow like a self-help book. Yeah. She's really good about like tying in personal stories and giving us, you know, examples and mm-hmm specifics that how she herself has applied the Let Them theory as well. So it is a great read. Yeah, it is for sure. And just to kind of preview what we're gonna talk about, let them, which is what the book is called, and it's, you know, it's very important. And then the other half of that as well is, let me, mm-hmm. So it's a kind of a 50 50 equation and both parts are really cool for different reasons. Yeah. So we're gonna dig into both of those parts and then. A little bit of other fun stuff, what I like to call the trilogy of doom as well. We'll get, we'll get there, but okay, let's dive right into, let them. One of the biggest problems facing everybody is the power we unknowingly give to other people without realizing. So with these two simple words, let them, you can find freedom Centered in peace of mind, reclaimed energy and time, and just more emotional bandwidth, which I think you might not notice when it's missing, but when you finally do reclaim it and you have it, you can definitely tell the difference. Absolutely. Mm-hmm. So the first thing that in the Let Them Theory that she kind of talks about is the more you let others live their lives. Even the most annoying parts and let adults be adults, you'll see how much power you truly have. can you think of an example from your personal life on like an area where you've been bad at letting them? Oh, well, yeah. I, I had, a great, breakthrough. I feel like. Obviously we've talked about it this season in my life. it's like stolen a lot of joy and confidence and things that came very easy to me. I've never really had to work at that, but now I am. So Monday, it was a beautiful day. I said, I'm gonna put on my swimsuit and go sit outside and read my book. And, uh, I put the swimsuit on. I took a sharp look to the left and realized, oh my word that. It was rough stop, but this is what happened to me. It was like life changing and I wanna write a book about it. I looked over, I saw myself in the mirror, and I was like, you know what? I am confident I got this body. This is a 52-year-old body that. I have worked on, and it houses everything else in me, the emotions, the laughter, the confidence and all that. And why in the world have I been letting them tell me the way I need to look? Mm-hmm. Mic shot. It was, it was a mic drop moment. And when I looked over I was like, you know what? I would not trade this body. For a 20-year-old ever, ever. I, I'm like, why in the world have I been thinking that I need to look 35 or 40 or 45? I am 52 and I need to sit in that and make the most of it. So when I, when we look back or when I have a tendency to look back, maybe on physical attributes, Um, I, I can't look back when I do that. I'm missing what's happening now, and I don't wanna trade my physique in. I'm not willing to trade it in for the confidence that I have because I'm back. The history that I have, the maturity that I have, the relationships that have been established, I would not want to go back 110%. We have to just decide, you know what, let them think what they want to think, judge, whatever. Let everybody else try to be 25. But this girl. Highs a change and now we're, I'm going from let them to let me, so how can I, let me settle in to the season. In the best way possible. And I cannot do that by constantly worrying about what somebody else thinks or what they say. And we are our own biggest critic. A hundred percent. Mm-hmm. So stop. I literally looked at myself and like, stop beating. Yourself up. Yeah. This is not productive. This does nothing to better your life. And start focusing on the 34 year marriage that you have to your husband realize if he didn't wanna be there, he wouldn't be there. Mm-hmm. He's there because he loves us, the two wonderful children that your body brings. Right, right, right. And the two children, and. All the things, all the relationships, the mature female relationships that I have now that are so difficult, especially in your, I guess, late twenties, early thirties when maybe you are moving away for a job or you've began to have kids or everybody else is getting married, what are you, you know, and you're not. It is a hundred percent a just a thief, and I am taking that back because I would rather. Be confident in who I am and be not looking like a 35, 40 5-year-old woman, but sit in the fact that this body houses, these relationships, houses. my marriage houses, my confidence houses the joy that I have. And why am I looking at this and thinking this body is less than Because it's the sum of all the parts. So you can't have it both ways. You can't look 25. I mean, maybe some people can have a lot of money, but you can't look 25. You can, if you're rich, if you're rich. Well, there's all kinds of options for the rich people out there, but for the no normal folk. It is what it is. And as soon as we can let them think, we then let ourselves take back control. Mm-hmm. That we have given up. And it may just be to an idea of the way we think. We should look or the way we think people should look at us or view us. So that's my story and a very long story. So you can cut some of out. No, you're good. Well, you, I know you already told me this earlier this week, but I was just so proud to hear you have that because you have every right to be so confident'cause you are so beautiful. And regardless of how you feel about the way you look like. You're right, like your body is an amazing design and it just amazing functions for you. So no matter what other people think about how you look or how you're feeling about how you look at any time, like be appreciative of that body and be confident. Mm-hmm. Because mm-hmm. Why would you not want to be, I mean, right, it sounds obvious, but like once you have that realization, it's just. So freeing and I'm proud of you for getting there. Thank you. Thank you. Yes. I'm back ladies. She's back. You better watch out. One example I wanted to share is like growing up and I always just felt like, I think almost every kid feels like this. I always felt like my parents were so awkward and weird and like people were always judging us and whatever, and it used to stress me out so bad when I'd be out in public with them and. This was like a few years ago before I even came across the let them. And now looking back, I'm like, okay, I kind of like utilize, let them there. Low key. But I just realized, I was like, let my parents do whatever they want'cause I'm never gonna be able to like control them and then let other people judge us if they want to. Like, if they think we're weird, let'em, I don't care. I love my family. Right, right. No honey badger. Honey Badger is on that mushroom coffee. Wow. So nice. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. I like that. We'll, detour. Yeah, and and honestly, here's the other thing. Everybody's not thinking about us. Here's a new flash. Ladies, you are not the first thing on people's minds. Half the time, they don't even recognize that you got on a new outfit. They're not looking, they're not paying us you attention the way we feel like it is. It's like that microscope that we feel like that the microscope that we view ourselves in is people aren't going around and doing that. And if they are let them mm-hmm. They are somehow diverting probably some negative attention that they have on themselves and are putting that on to somebody else so that they can feel better about themselves. We've all done it. Yeah. Guilty. And it, it's a human nature thing. You fall into it so easy. Yeah. So it's like go, go in guns blazing and fight some of those Yeah. Just standards that we've, we've had for ourselves. Yeah. Well, I like how she gives you so many reminders about human nature, like specifically. She talks about how people have negative opinions and thoughts. Like a lot of the times our thoughts are unconscious and we have no control over them. Mm-hmm. And they might be ugly, but like that doesn't mean that we are our thoughts or that's how we really feel, or whatever. You're gonna have negative thoughts about people you love. Mm-hmm. Like I do. Mm-hmm. I have negative thoughts about my husband, some of my friends, like. It's part of life. Like it happens, but that doesn't mean that that's what I think about that person, or it doesn't mean, I think that for a long time, like it may just be like a fleeting thought and then like, oh, okay, there's the part of my brain that's judgmental. Get outta here. Exactly. But that was a good reminder to me. Like everyone has negative opinions. You can't control them. People are gonna have them about who they love, and a lot of times they don't last. So. Yeah. That's just humans. That's who we are. Yep. Anyways, we're gonna give you some examples of how you can let them in your own life and what this might look like. So let them have judgmental opinions. Like we were just saying. Let my family be late to everything. Like it's their job. I'm not gonna keep stressing over that. Yes. Let grandpa tell you the same story for the hundredth time. Andwell alert. It's not gonna be short, but you can get through it. Right, right, right. Because they need to tell it. Yeah, let people hate the photo. I just posted your outfit was fire. You post that photo, who cares if you get like three likes? You look fabulous. Okay. Exactly, exactly. Let my family be judgmental about my career. That's a big one. Yeah, that one's, that's a bigger pill to swallow. But still I know my sister's an artist and my, my parents haven't always thought that was like the best career for her to choose, but. She's just, she's like, let them, like, this is what I love. I'm good at it. And I'm so proud of her for doing that. Yeah. You know, and she's doing well. How about this one? Let my in-laws disagree with my parenting methods. Whew. Yeah, you heard that Ronnie? No, I did. I better shut up. Uh, let the neighbor's dog yodel into the void at 3:00 AM Now that one this was happening last night. Really? Yes, dude. I saw every person in this neighborhood has at least one dog. Oh my goodness. It's like constant barking fest over here. Gosh. So, yeah. Oh gosh. I To let them bark into the void at 3:00 AM Yes. Yes. It's great. Let your friends not invite you to brunch.'cause don't stress about why you didn't get an invite. It's not worth it. Right. It's not worth it. I promise you. It's not. Let them ghost to. I think this is a great segue into the next point is mm-hmm. when you're letting people do them. You're letting them show you who they are. Yes. And then you get to decide what to do with that information, right? So if that person wants to ghost you or treat you that way, or never invite you out, now you know that maybe you're not a high priority for them. Or maybe that causes you to self-reflect and think, okay, I haven't been there for them, so why would they wanna invite me out? Exactly if it's something that you've lost. So it can cause you to, it can give you more information. And then that information can lead to either self realizations or maybe just realizations about that relationship or that person. And yeah, you can either decide, I need to change my behavior. I need to have a conversation with this person, or I need to cut my access to them. Yes, you never know. And here's a, here's a, um, aism. When people show you who they are, believe them. Yeah, believe them. And this is not a one time thing.'cause you like, like you said, we all deserve do overs. But if there's somebody in your life that you know every, almost every interaction is negative or they're putting you down, believe what they're saying. Don't try to convince them. Let them show you who they are and then believe it and make adjustments. Accordingly. Yeah, absolutely. And it's not really about giving in, it's really about releasing yourself from control you never had. Mm-hmm. So, yeah, you, you truly don't have control and it can be hard to accept that. Mm-hmm. Because that can make you just feel out of control and helpless. But I think once you realize the power you have in your own energy and time and responses, you kind of lose that sense of helplessness and you're just like, all right, it is what it is. I'll just do me over here. Nevermind me over here. Yeah. so really quickly, I just wanted to discuss like the roots of the Let Them Theory and where this came from. It wasn't just something where she was like. Oh, this new idea. It is rooted in ancient philosophies and some guiding psychological concepts, which I really find interesting, and I think it's one of the reasons why this book has had such a massive impact on people. mm-hmm. The first one is stoicism philosophy, which I've heard of a few times. I've never really learned that much about it. But essentially what that is, is just focusing on yourself because that's where your true power lies. So I think we can see how that connects to the Let Them Theory. Yes, I, I actually went and did a little bit more research on this because I really didn't know what it was either. Mm. just really quick, it says, stoicism teaches the development of self-control and fortitude as a means of overcoming destructive emotions. And fortitude is like courage in pain or adversity. that's, that's interesting. I've seen a lot of like podcast or like motivational pages on Instagram that are like. Focusing on like the stoic mindset and stuff, and I think it's pretty valuable. I think it connects to a lot of stuff we've already talked about on the podcast. Oh yeah. Just like separating yourself from your emotions and like not letting them have power over you. Like we were just talking about in reaction versus response is feeling in control of your emotions instead of being controlled by your emotions. Yes. Yeah, for sure. So the next thing that the roots of Let Them came from is, I think this is from Buddhism. It's just this idea of radical acceptance. And if you listen to our Power of Now episode, I think this is a similar concept to when he talks about surrendering and just complete and total acceptance and surrender. So essentially this is theorizing that the pain we feel often stems from wishing things were different than they are. And boy, if that isn't. So, so true. Oh my gosh. So by using Let Them, you can kind of alleviate and release yourself from that pain because you have no control over so many things and so many situations. And you might feel like you're suffering because you wish things were different and life sucks right now. But at the end of the day, like if we just dwell on how different things can be and how out of control, we feel like we're just gonna. Add on to that suffering. And so this can really like just alleviate a huge amount of that pain, I think. Yeah. It's all about, again, managing expectations. Mm-hmm. There's things that you can change, but more likely. there's very little that we can change. Yeah. And when need, you know, that gives us back our power. Yeah, absolutely. We wanna tick back that power. We're gonna snatch it. That's right. A weird made this morning. Sure. Anyways, the last one is the psychological theory, and it's called attachment theory. So essentially this is creating mental gaps between your emotions and the situation at hand. So you're. Able to observe without spiraling into your emotions. Mm-hmm. And letting them overcome you. Mm-hmm. So a lot of these are connected and very similar and we've talked about a lot of things that relate to these. So yeah, there's gotta be something to it. Yes. Yes. Common thread connect. Yes. So her second half of this theory is the, let me, The train doesn't stop at, let them, let me, is where the real power lies. Because that really is the only thing that you have control over is what you're doing, how you're thinking, uh, what your expectations are. So let me, allows you to tap into taking responsibility for what you do think or say, let me stop expecting others to read my mind. Huge, huge, huge. Let me communicate when it's uncomfortable, communicate when it's uncomfortable, and that's one thing that I have. If I get on my soapbox with Jim sometimes, or a lot of times I'm like, you, you have no idea how blessed you are to have me in your life because I have never asked you to read my mind. I'm very clear about what has happened, how I feel about it, the way I need to respond to it, and mm-hmm. Yeah. so yeah, just stop expecting others to read your mind. They can't, we cannot, let me take accountability for how I show up for people. Mm-hmm. This is a bigs one. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Gotta be real honest with yourself there. Yep. Yep. And when you feel left out of that little. Party or the brunch, you have to look back and say, what am I doing? How am I showing up? God, these dang cats are really making it difficult this morning. They are. I just feel like, gosh, it's the mushroom coffee. I guess so. Oh, how about this one? Let me send the hangout invites instead of stewing about not getting one. You take control of that. Yeah, man. You throw the party and then you can reengage with people that mean a lot to you. Yeah. Um, let me prioritize my friends because it matters to me. Let me be more productive. Whew. That's a big one. so there's things like. I feel like that unfortunately some of the memes and stuff that have come out where people have used the, let them theory, not necessarily males things, but like mm-hmm. There's a lot of focus out there on social media and such and, on the, let them part. but it's a two-pronged approach, so. If you're always letting them, meaning you are cutting people outta your life as a response for how they've treated you. If you continue to do that, you will be very, very lonely. Yeah, which is a great point, which is huge. So be careful. There'll be times that you're gonna need to cut people outta your life. You can still do that with love. You can do that by respecting them and yourselves. This theory, I feel like really helps navigate some of those difficult, relationships, transitions, just because you lived beside this girl, your best friend, she was your best friend all through your school years, and then. It doesn't mean that it always has to be that way. People change. Mm-hmm. Don't get so hung up on the history. Consider the history as you're moving forward that history doesn't have to, necessarily drive the car. The GPS. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I think that's a great point. And it, I would say it's the harder of the two. Like I think it's both are difficult, but I feel like it's easier for you, you to adopt the mindset of like, let them yes, but let me, if it's something for you need to let me take accountability for how you show up and you haven't been showing up Good. Yeah. That's painful to realize. That's painful to work through because you. Are gonna be disappointed in yourself and it's gonna suck. Mm-hmm. But at the end of the day, taking accountability for that is what's gonna cause you to be able to change that.'cause yes, you can feel that hurt and feel that growth and then, you know, I wanna show up differently next time. But let me, is definitely the tougher pill to swallow. Yes. But I think it's the most valuable in your own life. Yes. Yes. Right. We ready to talk about the Trilogy of Doom, the trilogy of the stress opinions and difficult people. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. We wanna talk about this'cause it's, it's something from the book obviously, and we just felt like it was really important to add on this component once we've kind of defined. What is, let them, what is, let me, so let's talk about it first. We're gonna talk about stress. It is going to happen. People will, people and your body is gonna react because our stress response is automatic. We can't control whether we go into a stress state, but we can control how we react to that shifting and we can reset our stress response. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So, regulate our nervous systems and then all the good stuff after that. We can use, let them to stop giving every stress inducing situation a VIP pass to your nervous system. Right? So when something stressful happens, and this is something from the book that I, I think is really useful because I feel like I'm a easily stressed out person, so I need a tool like this. Ask yourself, will this bother me in an hour, a day, a week, a year, a month? If it's yes, respond with a let me mindset. Mm-hmm. I think this kind of goes back to like Reacting versus responding. Yeah. Because when you react, your stress response is on and you haven't done anything to turn it off or reset it. Right? So you're reacting from the emotions and the stress. When you're responding, you're taking a breath and you're saying, okay, how do I wanna respond and how can I respond in a way that serves myself, this relationship and not my ego or my emotions? So respond with that. Let me mindset. But if the answer is no and the stressful thing isn't gonna bother you in a week or a year, let them, and then you just move on. Like the boundary setting. Stoic legend. You are. Okay. Yeses. Yeses. Preach. That will preach. Preach for sure. Yeah. also, uh, one of the issues is external opinions. We've been talking about that a lot already. Other people's opinions are often the invisible prison holding us back. Um mm-hmm. So we need some ways that we can go through that is, you know, ask ourselves what would I do if I wasn't scared of being judged? How would I respond in this situation? it could be even something like. What would I wear? Where would I go? and then also, What conversation would I have? What risk would I take? What pick would I post if I stopped filtering my personality? Mm-hmm. Yeah. This is a big one for me. Take it off. I need to ask myself these questions constantly, but I'm getting better at it. I mean, honestly. I was in the prison of other people's opinions for so long, and I feel like the first major step of me getting out was becoming a podcaster because I've been so afraid to put my voice out there and like tell people how I feel about things. Yeah. And so doing this has been a big step of being like, bye Yes. Come out. Yes. I don't care what you gotta think. Okay. Yes. Yes. I, what she said in this book too, this really struck a chord with me and I almost, I think I've, I don't know what, what episode it was on, but I feel like we've been talking about this, but anytime you edit what you post, silence yourself or shrink yourself to fit other people's comfort, you're engaging in self rejection. You are actively telling yourself, I'm not good enough for mm-hmm. This or X, Y, and z, and. That was such a monumental realization for me, and I don't even know when I realized it, but just realizing that when I am shrinking myself, or not saying it or not posting that picture, whatever it was, I was literally telling myself like, you're not good enough. And then I wonder why I have like self-loathing and self hatred for myself and self-doubt. I'm like, well, I'm actively like engaging in self-rejection a lot of the time. Mm-hmm. And I was like, wow. Yeah. Ouch. That. Yeah. Yeah. That stings and mm-hmm. It's something that you'll have to reevaluate over and over and over in life and then reset. yeah. Those type things. Yeah. And we've said this as well already. This next point is give people the freedom to think negative thoughts about you.'cause like we were saying, everyone has critical thoughts about the people they love about strangers. It's gonna happen. So let them judge, let them react. Let them doubt you, let them question your decisions because this is your. I like this. It's a quote from the book. She calls it your one wild and precious life. And yeah, I just love that. It's kind of like romanticizing your life and saying like, this is your one life and you get to live it how you want. Right? So let them think bad about you. Who cares? Like this is your life. Do what you want with it. Don't let other people's opinions hold you back, right? Also, Let's look at difficult people. Mm-hmm. And how to use this, let them theory in handling some of those situations. Well, let's all agree. Adults throw the best tantrums, guilt trips, emotional outburst. Oh my gosh. Uh, dramatic monologues, oftentimes Oscar worthy, but difficult to deal with. You're like, I really appreciate the effort that you put into this, but. I'm sorry. It's not working here. You're not gonna get what you want. And the silent treatment, I think that is one of the biggest temper tantrums there are That silent treatment. Treatment that really, that is like one of the most immature responses in my opinion. It's, it's, that's so frustrating. Mm. Yes. Oh yeah. Essentially she makes this a point like you're gonna deal with difficult people because Yeah, unfortunately a lot of us are emotionally immature and we can work on it, but it's just a fact of life. Like we need to grow and we need to become more emotionally mature. But the fact that so many people aren't means that you can't let the emotional maturity of other people have power over your own life. You are not responsible for managing their emotions only your own. Mm-hmm. So just because someone acts like a child doesn't mean you have to parent them. Right. Okay. Right. And you don't, and exactly she says like the average adult has, uh, emotional maturity of an 8-year-old. And you can't change that. You cannot. That's on them. Change that, that is on them. once you like get into that and you begin to recognize people in your life and the way they act, guess what? You don't have to take it personally anymore. It is not a personal attack attack on you. They are dealing with their own stuff. Let them do their tantrums, let them make the guilt trips or the passive aggressive comments, and then you just decide at that point how you wanna move forward. You get to decide. Mm-hmm. Yes. But it's not something personal. Be careful and just. I have a couple of relationships in my life where I've really have just been like, you know what? I can expect something different. I can even teach these people how to do something different. I can have the hard conversations, but ultimately it's up to them as to whether or not they wanna respond Maturely. Yeah, so let them, and then you don't have to take it personal. It is not an attack on you. Everything is not about us, believe it or not. It's not. I'm, I'm saying everybody's comments, their dirty looks, their side smiles. Oh my gosh, did you see the way she's looked at me this morning? Or something like that. You know, they're not even looking at us. Nine times outta 10. Yeah. We are the star of our own show and most. People are not buying the tickets y'all word. Yeah. So, yeah, when dealing with difficult people, you let them act up, you let them sulk, you let them throw shade, you let them erupt you let them give you the silent treatment. Mm-hmm. And then let me be the mature, wise, and loving adult in the situation. Let me be calm, let me choose a mature response. Let me exit stage left if necessary. Let me stay wise. Let me live in peace. Because difficult people are not in my control and they're not my responsibility. Exactly. But I can choose how I respond. So that's ding, ding, ding. Very, very important. Ding, ding, ding. Very, very, very important. Amen. Boundaries aren't just fences, they are freedom people. Exactly. Dang. We're already at what she said. Oh, yeah. Went past I, I wanted, wait. there was a quote, I, this is one of those books that you don't borrow from someone else.'cause you're gonna need to make notes and refer back. and you might make notes about that person. What if you made a note in your book, like, the next time Jennifer does that? I'm gonna do this, Jennifer, and then you let Jennifer borrow the book. That is not gonna go well. Just FYI Just a little tip right? Just a little, uh, tip there. I loved something that she said. There was so much in this that I could have highlighted and I did, but mm-hmm. Um, going back to like, why we need, as we wrap up, why do we need to embrace this type of theory? And she says right now you move through life. With other people's opinions as your roadmap, you take the left or the right turn based on what you anticipate other people's might think or say, rather than making the turn you want to make when you navigate your life trying to predict what people are going to think and say about you, you give that power away. It's kind of like. Trust the GPS system. Don't, I mean that's, yeah, that's a whole nother podcast. But yeah, there's a lot of quoteworthy moments. There's so much in here, y'all. I just hope that you'll take the time. Like I said, it's, I thought it was a, a very, it's a breeze. Yeah. Easy read. Very easy read. Um, definitely. And just so much. Even if you only get to like. Half the book you, it can really make a big difference in your life. For sure. Yeah, for sure. All right, well, you just got a bonus what she said, so you're welcome. Oh yeah. All right. And now the second one, so another quote from the book, so from Mel Bins herself, obviously, the more you let other people live their lives, the better your life gets. And the more you let people be who they are or feel what they feel or think what they think, the better your relationships will be. Learning how to let adults be adults has changed my life, and it will change yours too because when you finally stop giving your power to other people, you'll see how much power you truly have. Mm-hmm. So good. Yes. And Mel Robbins also has a podcast, which mm-hmm. I, I wanna start listening to, I see snippets of it all the time now, and she has a lot of cool people on there, and it's a lot of similar insights into life. And she is such a cool person. Yes, she is. And Mel, I wanna be your friend. Well, and so she didn't have her first book. She like, this was a second career for her, this whole thing. She was like in her early fifties. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And at the beginning of the book, she talks about how she was just like lost in life and her and her husband were like$800,000 in debt, and then she started using some of these methods that she was talking about, and just like she chipped away at it for years and years and I mean, look where she is now. Yeah. She's a New York Times bestselling author. Yeah. Millions of people listen to her podcasts, I'm sure. Yes. Like. It's just a very inspirational story, so it is very INS inspirational. Yeah. So it's, it's never too late to make a change. No, it's not ever. Yeah. So, yeah, if any of this resonated with you today, well one, go buy that book because I recommend it highly and you're gonna take even more stuff from it. Then we told you in this episode we couldn't possibly cover. Yeah. And all in this episode. And then on top of that, if you know someone that could benefit from the let them or the let me, or just anything we talked about in this episode or really any other episodes we, we put out there, share it with a friend. Or maybe you have a friend that hates reading. We'll never pick up a book, but you're like, wow, they need to hear this. Send them our episode today. Yes, please. Yes, yes. Yeah. Share it with a friend. Word of mouth is huge for us and we really appreciate it. If you help us get the word out about our podcast. Anyways, let's get to the challenge of the week, Yes. So we are going to ask you to start implementing the Let Them Theory in your Life. So. Let's try it, but I don't know what areas of your life you need to, you need to utilize it more. I know I have specific areas of my life where I could let them better, and then I have areas of my life where I could let me better, so mm-hmm. Let us know what changes you notice how you feel. Anything else we wanna, you know, hear the growth and. Hear how it's impacting you.'cause it's definitely making a difference in my own life. So I'd love to hear the same stories from other girls. Yes. So if you have somebody that, one way that you could possibly use this podcast in a situation like that is just to listen to it together with a friend. Maybe it's a conversation that you've been wanting to have with that friend.'cause you see, like I have been in maybe the last eight months to a year. You see your friend and you see how much they're struggling, but you may not be able to put that into words. This can be a way to kind of broach the prep, you know, talk about the subject, bring it up, and then follow up with that part girl. S okay. Are we done? Can we breathe, be done? Can we please let the bleeding stop? Make it? Oh my girl. Stop. Ronnie, you've been doing fine. You may feel like it's just hard to focus or speak, but your performance is fine, so don't, okay. Okay. Well, as, as you guys know, this is our time where we conclude our podcast, and we would love to help you guys come. To, I have no idea what I'm saying. Okay. And And that's the Yes.