You're Not Perfect but You're Perfect for Me

On the one year anniversary of the Heart Versus Head podcast, Randy and Beverly discuss how the podcast almost killed them, explain why they argued about the title of this episode, and finally tell the story of how they met. Plus, they've got some practical insight into how the small, often unnoticed things couples have in common can make a big difference in a relationship. #HeartVersusHead 

Heart Versus Head is a podcast about relationship styles and how those relationship styles influence communication in the most important relationships. The hosts - Randy Hampton and Beverly Craddock - are a married couple who are sought-after relationship coaches, award-winning authors and regular people who (like everyone in relationships) are just trying to stay connected through all the noise of life in the modern world. You can learn more about the couple and their work at HeartAndHeadCoaching.com, where you'll learn to fight better and connect again. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Welcome to Heart vs. Head, a podcast that helps couples communicate and fight better. Here are your hosts, Randy Hampton and Beverly Craddock.

SPEAKER_02 0:21

Hey everybody, it's Randy and Beverly. Welcome to Heart vs. Head. Hi, Beverly. How are you? I am well. We are uh celebrating uh a little bit today. It is the Valentine's Week episode of Heart vs. Head. Welcome everybody. Um happy Valentine's Day. We started this podcast one year ago.

unknown 0:41

Yay!

SPEAKER_02 0:41

It was Valentine's Week, 2025. It was actually the first the first podcast, uh first Heart versus Head podcast launched on February 12, 2025.

SPEAKER_01 0:54

And we almost died.

SPEAKER_02 0:56

We we did. It almost killed us. Right. She's actually being serious. Launching the podcast almost almost killed us, Beverly, because February 12th, the first episode hits the the street out there, and people were listening and all of these wonderful things. Thanks, everybody. And then February 13th, I end up in the emergency room. Beverly had to go to the ER.

SPEAKER_01 1:21

Without giving a lot of detail, it's just kind of a funny story, but um there was just uh an issue with some blood pressure, and I wasn't sure what to do about it. And trying to go to the urgent care, they were closing and they were full, and so they said, just go to the ER. We just want to, you know, check it for you. Listeners, don't freak out. I'm I'm okay. It was kind of a fluke, but nonetheless, was at the emergency room. So we're, you know, we come home, we're exhausted, we go to bed. Oh, let's never go back to there again.

SPEAKER_02 1:52

And the next actually, that is exactly the conversation we had. Is this this sucks? Emergency rooms suck. You spend an evening in an emergency room, numerous hours, and we finally get home. We're, as Beverly said, we are exhausted. We go to sleep next day, we're and we are like, okay, no more of that. By by nine o'clock at night, suddenly my gut is killing me. I have this sharp pain, can't move, can't, can't breathe. Just bent over an agonizing pain. And guess where we got to go? We got to go back to the ER and deal with that.

SPEAKER_01 2:32

Randy's turn.

SPEAKER_02 2:33

Right. And they they didn't really know what was going on. They thought maybe my appendix had ruptured, they thought my my my pancreas had decided to have a bad day and wanted to move out of my body or something. They they actually never really figured it out. Maybe it was just a bad burrito. Nonetheless, twice, um, two days in a row, launching this podcast nearly killed us, and yet we survived. And what's really cool about this, we want to share some stats. Just very briefly from the podcast, uh, because we downloaded our first first season, first first year of stats. People apparently like the podcast. Thank you. We we are more popular than 91% of other new podcasts that launched in 2025. So, in the top 10%, thank you very much to all of you out there. People listen longer to our podcast, 86% longer than they listen to other podcasts, which is crazy because our podcast we keep short to 20 to 25 minutes. So the fact that that we register on that means not only are you listening, you're staying with us, and we appreciate that. And we get more shares than 95% of the podcasts that are out there. So thanks for telling your friends. We do appreciate everybody. And if you if you're enjoying the podcast, please continue to do those things. Comment, like, subscribe, follow, and uh tell your friends or share this podcast on your social. We appreciate that. That helps us keep going. Those are some stats. If you want to know where the listeners are, most of them are in Hawaii. That's where we are. We have a lot of listeners in Colorado because we're from there. We know a lot of people in Colorado. But if you get beyond the the people there, where do people listen to this podcast? Well, Dallas, Texas, Portland, Oregon, Hello, New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago, Miami, and Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Those are the top listening cities for our podcast.

SPEAKER_01 4:26

And for those who are new listeners, what we do is we talk about heart versus head issues every week as communication items that either you can talk about with your partner or even family or friends helping out, maybe even a niece that's going through something. These are real life examples, whether they're the clients that we see, we are relationship professionals, we do this for a living. But in addition, we also really love just sharing uh different communication strategies and and topics to discuss with your partner because we enjoy the work. We we wrote the couple's rule book in 2018, available on Amazon, still reduced price, trying to keep that price low going through the uh the Valentine's Day holiday. And then we are in the midst of writing our next book, and it will be out hopefully in a few months.

SPEAKER_02 5:25

And that leads us to where we came to for today's Today's topic. Topic. Today's topic, you're not perfect, but you're perfect for me. So we're gonna talk about you're not perfect, but you're perfect for me. And Beverly's right, we we try to get couples talking about these these topics because we know if you can communicate and learn to communicate differently about even simple things, you'll do better when the when the pressure's on, when the when the real conflict hits. We had a friend over last night for dinner, and we as Beverly mentioned, we've got a we've got a new book that's coming out in a couple of months. We're we're going the self-publishing route. We've we've talked to a couple publishers about it, and self-publishing just seems to be a a much better way. Publishers nowadays just they frankly, they want you. They want the listeners. Um, they want access to our people because that lets them sell more books. And um, we don't we we like to protect our listeners, we like to take care of you and do this this way. I don't want to wait a year. That's my problem. Self-publishing lets us kind of keep control of that. So self-publishing the book. So we took we took a few um kind of a a draft of of the content of the book and had sent it to a few folks um to have them review it. And this friend of ours came over to dinner last night and we were talking about the book. And one of the things he said, and it's a common refrain, we hear it quite a bit. One of the things that he said was, hey guys, I I have to tell you, I felt a bit called out. I kept reading stuff and I'd go, dang it. He he's the head partner in his relationship, and he and he said, dang it. You know, I would read stuff about heads and I'd be like, oh, that's totally me, and I need to do better. Um, he said I felt a bit called out. And I I wanna I want to let you know that I'll I'll tell you what we told him. This we we don't come at this from judgment. If you feel called out by by any of the heart versus head stuff, this isn't judgment. This is experience. This is our lives, and a lot of it is the conflict that that we deal with in our own relationship, not at some of the extreme levels that we talk about it or see it in clients. But many of these things aren't calling it out.

SPEAKER_01 7:42

It's it's it's about really resonating with you. Yeah. So a heart might say the same thing when they read our book. We hear that all the time. And the thing is, is when it resonates, it just reaffirms that this heart versus head is real and people are experiencing it in their relationship. So while you you might see it as a bit of a negative, it's actually much of a positive because once again, when you know what this is, you put a label on it. Now you can address it and manage it and and work with it. So it's a good thing.

SPEAKER_02 8:16

We and we take a heart versus head approach to this. Um, hearts are the marvelous partners. Um, you're you're either a heart or a head in your relationship. It has to do with decision making. Hearts are the partners that make decisions based on how everybody's feeling and really kind of focused on how everything feels and how everyone feels. Heads are the partners in the relationship that are more focused on fact and logic, uh, black, white, right, wrong, those kinds of things in making decisions. You make decisions differently. Of course, there's going to be conflict in that decision making. What we have found in all relationships, one partner's head mode, one partner's heart mode, uh, especially when conflict arises, and it's really useful to be able to identify those. So that's what we talk about. Today's conversation, though, you're not perfect, but you're perfect for me. Actually, this topic almost didn't happen either. We talked about going to the ER. We almost didn't do this as you're not perfect, but you're perfect for me. Because when I said to Beverly, you're not perfect, but you're perfect for me, she had a different reaction to that. I thought, oh, that's that's so nice. That's a nice, I love you. You're not perfect, but you are perfect for me. And that sounds like all loving and kind. Beverly had maybe a bit of a different reaction to it as a as a heart. Hearts apparently don't uh the heads are out there going, that's really nice. And hearts are like, What?

SPEAKER_01 9:46

So No, that isn't nice at all. It it comes across to me as eh, I'm settling, you're not quite there, but you're good enough, right?

SPEAKER_02 9:57

Love you, maybe it's never meant that way.

SPEAKER_01 10:00

You know, maybe you're adequate. I don't really feel cherished by that statement. Maybe I could do better, but you know, I found you and I don't I'm I'm lazy. I don't want to go find someone else. So yeah, none of that really hit for me. And you know, when I was so surprised that that was the the topic he wanted to run with on this anniversary, you know, Valentine's Week event, I was I was not really sold on it. I'll I'll let Randy explain maybe what do you mean by it? Because this is where the communication point happens, is sometimes one partner says something and it hits the other person shockingly as it did me. However, I know that if I ask him, what is your intent? What is what did you mean by that? I'm I'm I'm looking at him as a team member and willing to weigh that in before I decide how I'm going to respond to that. So what did you mean by that?

SPEAKER_02 11:01

Yeah, I think the the important thing is it's um nobody's perfect. And so, you know, when I say you're not perfect, I'm not first uh saying somebody else is. I don't believe anybody is. You're going to have conflict with every human in the world because you are different than those humans. Um and if you were in a relationship with a person you had no conflict with because they did everything the same way you do, you'd drive each other nuts anyways. So, first of all, the the the beginning of that is you're not perfect, and it's not a comparison. So it certainly is not meant in the way that I think the heart kind of takes that, but okay. But you're perfect for me. And that's really where it gets down to what are these wonderful little things that we have in our relationship that actually kind of lubricate the relationship, that keep it moving smoothly, that keep things going in the right direction, and those are the things that I think I was thinking about because there are lots of these little things that come up on a day-to-day basis where I go, Oh, she gets me. We're good. Because we do some of those little things the same. When I say you're not perfect, nobody is, but you are perfect for me. What I'm saying is my brain has identified some small things that I think make us good partners, good good together. And that's what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_01 12:35

You know, hearing that, then that makes me feel better, plus the fact that I do know him. We've been together 16 years this year. That with his tone, with just knowing who this person is, that he is my team member, my best friend, uh, my my husband, all of the things, it softens it. It helps me to really understand that. Now, I still like for him to know that it doesn't really hit me that, you know, it's not really a compliment from my side. You know, I know what you mean, but it just lands and it doesn't really feel like I'm being treasured or or special. And sometimes that is a a heart quality, is we we want to be importance and value to our partner. So I I think some of that is when I when I look at you, Randy, and I give statements maybe like that, I think of I put you on this pedestal. You know, you're up here and I I just really respect you and I really appreciate the things that you do. And so I I think it's really a style difference. You know, I think it comes down to the way that we communicate that that language pattern. And so we have to talk about those things because it's very different.

SPEAKER_02 13:56

Recognize when you say something to your partner, it it it brings on all these different connotations, all these different messages. So when I when I prepped this and and suggested to Beverly and made a little note probably a couple months ago in a in a file where we kind of track all the the topics for the podcast, I was like, Well, you're not perfect, but you're perfect for me. It sat there for a long time because Beverly was like, I I don't even like the topic. We see it differently because I mean that as this this wonderful compliment, but it's it's not always viewed that way. Let me tell you about the small things. Let's see if we can make this more practical. Let me tell you about the small things that that I've noticed. I think in a in a relationship, there's a good way to tell if you're you're a good fit for the person you're with when they fall down. Now, I uh okay, uh we don't fall down much, hopefully, you know, we're adults. Um, but every once in a while people trip over something, fall down, bang a knee, uh, have a have a bad moment, I guess what I'm saying is when we have a bad moment, when we fall down. There there's options when you fall down. Some people get very angry, they get very frustrated at the tree limb or the the root or the or the the curb or the whatever they fell over, and they there's a lot of anger and and and frustration at themselves for maybe not seeing it. Some people when they fall down, they wanna they wanna have a cry, and that's okay. But some people want somebody to feel bad for them. But one of the ways that I think that that you and I do something similar is we both have a tendency to take a more light approach when something like that happens. We we laugh at ourselves, I guess is what I'm saying. And that's a good fit to both have that. Um, because that's important. So it was those little things that I would see that I'd go, wait, that's that's my person. She does it like I do.

SPEAKER_01 16:01

Right. I I get it. And what's really at play here, we always kind of do the solutions toward the end. And what you really want to look for in your partner is not that they say the right thing all the time, not that they don't occasionally offend us with their statements or actions even, but rather that they're willing to meet us halfway, that they don't judge. So when I told Randy that this this was not a compliment at all in my my eyes, he was curious more than anything and willing to to share that. It you know, it wasn't his intent. And we he broke it down for me and helped me to understand it more. So those things are are very good qualities in a partner that you you have somebody that has that concern, a desire to work with you, a desire to understand. And through that, the two of you can can manage whatever comes your way, any kind of storm or conflict or missed communication or missed expectation. We can work through all of that. So when you really look at your person and when you say, okay, sure, this this person isn't perfect. Neither of us are, no one is. However, a lot of their qualities, these this ability to be curious and to talk about it, to work on it, maybe the sense of humor is all part of it. Yeah, that is what we're looking for, and that is what helps us to get through all the different challenges that come up in a relationship.

SPEAKER_02 17:43

We want to close with a a story. It's a Valentine's story for you. We wanted to to share a story, and I don't think we've shared this one on the podcast a long time ago. Um, and I'm I apologize to all the young listeners out there, but I'm about to jump in the 1999 Wayback Machine. Um, back in the last century, if you want to really feel old about it, about a quarter century ago, um Beverly and I did not know one another. So let's talk about how we met. We got a job at a university in Colorado. We worked at a university together. I managed media and government relations. Beverly was the marketing person. We were hired when they reorganized the communications department, and we were we were put into the the same department and we had offices right next door to each other on our very first day, and we we went through all the training. We had to go we had to go through sexual harassment training together, and all the other stuff they wanted to do. Yeah, get a get a get a job, you know.

SPEAKER_01 18:44

How to get reimbursed for expenses, right? Sure.

SPEAKER_02 18:47

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All the all the stuff. So we did all that together and and and got to be great friends. Us working together led to a moment a lot a long time ago. I'll let Beverly tell that part of the story.

SPEAKER_01 18:57

So Randy was married uh at the time, and I had gone through my divorce. So I was a single mom, and sometime in that first year, my uh daughter was at school. She had a bit of a cold going on, and eventually during that day, the school called and said, She's just coughing too much. Can you come get her? I uh told Randy, I've got to run out, get my kid. Came back with her because I had a meeting that could not, under such short notice, could not be rescheduled. It was a key meeting, it was just an hour. And I I told Randy, hey, I'm gonna leave her, I'm gonna put her in my office, give her some stuff to do. She's about what, seven? And uh, but would you kind of keep an eye on her? And he's like, Absolutely. And my son's uh, you know, a year uh year older, uh, happy to do that. So off I go to this meeting, and it wasn't what five minutes, and she's peeking around the door looking at Randy.

SPEAKER_02 19:56

Right, yeah. Mom was gone for seconds, and all of a sudden, you know, there's there's Beverly's daughter, uh, you know, kind of kind of leaning into my office. And and as Beverly mentions, my son was around that age, about seven at the time. And so I spoke seven-year-old. So I had a conversation with Beverly's daughter. I decided the best thing to do was to let her sit in my big office chair that spun around and all that stuff, and to staple papers and to do all the things that um seven-year-olds can do to not be in the way of somebody that was probably busy at the time. And distract her. I just kind of threw some stuff at her and went, Hey, you want to help me out? And and she did, and we chatted and we we had great talks of uh at a seven-year-old level, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 20:40

I came back from the meeting and really thanked Randy for his assistance, and my daughter and I went home, and as we're we're driving in the car, she, as little kids of wisdom do once in a while, she said, Too bad Randy's married. And I thought, that's an odd comment. So I said, uh, why's that? And she said, Because he's perfect for you.

SPEAKER_02 21:07

It was ten years later that Beverly and I started dating. Um we'd all we we'd been friends, but there was never anything between us that would, you know, that would cross any boundaries. I was I was married and you know, it just wasn't a wasn't a thing. Wasn't an option.

SPEAKER_01 21:26

We were very professional, got along great. Um, everybody liked Randy, I think, so it was just super easy. Thought we were great friends. We stayed in touch uh as co-workers that uh once in a while we references, job references, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:43

Like I said, you know, ten years later I ended up in in Denver for a meeting and I was like, Hey, I'll I'll meet up with Beverly and Grab dinner. Have dinner. Well, that turned into something. So that is our our story a little bit. Um we wanted to share it on Valentine's Day.

SPEAKER_01 22:00

The rest was history. In fact, my my daughter was funny because ten years later and uh that that night, that dinner, your we just looked at each other completely differently and it was quite the surprise. I think we were we were the most surprised when other people would would find out that we were dating. So many people would say, Oh yeah, yeah, I I I saw that coming. You know, you guys were um there was a spark, I think, from the very beginning, but we just didn't didn't act on that or didn't consciously even pay attention to it. So my daughter, when when we got together, she was like, Oh my gosh, I saw it a long time ago. What took you so long?

SPEAKER_02 22:44

Still not buying you a sailboat. It wasn't your idea. That's the podcast this week, everybody. We hope you have a wonderful Valentine's Day. We truly appreciate those of you that are out there that are listening and and helping this show be what this show is becoming. Uh we we truly, truly do appreciate that. We look forward to the new book coming out in a couple of months. We'll we'll let you know when that gets out there. It's a lot of these principles. Talk to your partner and recognize that when you're talking about things, you're not perfect, but you're perfect for me. They may be hearing something totally different than what you intend on it. Um, and it's important to have those conversations.

SPEAKER_01 23:28

Yes, and and thank you to my daughter for recognizing that Randy really was perfect for me and for me to finally, after all these years, realize that that statement was what started it all. So, Randy, I think that is a very nice thing that you said. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 23:51

And that is the podcast, everybody.

SPEAKER_01 23:53

Hello.

SPEAKER_00 24:00

Thanks for listening to Heart vs. Head. You can learn more at Heartandhead Coaching.com and check out new podcast episodes every Wednesday. If you have a question for Randy and Beverly, send an email to info at Heart and Head Coaching.com.