5 - Dealing with the Diagnosis

Sometimes a diagnosis brings clarity; other times, it turns your world upside down. I’m diving into what happens when you finally get answers—whether it’s relief, fear, or a mix of both.

I share personal experiences facing mortality and how those moments shaped me. More importantly, I explore how to take control of your response, find strength, and shift from simply surviving to truly living.  Face life's D's without blaming the G-O-D!Chapters

02:49 The Struggles of Fatigue and Diagnosis
10:05 Understanding Sleep Apnea
12:57 Navigating ADHD in Relationships
15:42 Finding Purpose Through Adversity

Make a Cold connection with exercise physiologist, sales coach, and much more @JoeWannerOfficial on Instagram

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:20

New generation, we're building, no fixed dump, we're creating haters, keep paying test 100, replayed.

SPEAKER_00 0:31

Welcome to another episode of the Built for the Cold podcast. Too cold for the average Joe, just right for me and the listeners of this show. It's not what happens to you, it's what can happen through you. Today we're gonna discuss, if it wasn't already morbid from the last episode, and I don't mean to laugh about that. It's actually a fairly serious thing talking about death. And I know those of you who have been close to it experienced it. Um I've had quite a few near-death experiences myself. I'll cover today. Actually, we're gonna cover the topic of when you get that diagnosis, all of a sudden, like your life either makes sense because it's just been so long of just trying to figure out some kind of cure to some condition you might have, maybe it's the cravings you have, or the way you've always felt, you're just constantly tired, inexplainable, fatigue, you don't know what's going on. Why are you always forgetting things? I'm gonna discuss a couple, I guess what we call diseases, disabilities that are closer to me than most. Um, because one, I've been living with someone who has one of them, and then I experience the other. Okay. It's sleep apnea and it's ADHD. And how that really has impacted the last 13 years, I'm not gonna bore you guys with all the stuff that I was able to overcome and still succeed with, despite everything I was going through, either through death or or different things. But today is gonna be that topic of disease and disabilities. When you have this happen and you don't understand why it's happening, and yet alone, you've gone to countless doctors, you've tried to figure out what the heck is this fatigue going on in my case? Why do I get so irritable when it doesn't even make sense? I'm personally developing, I'm really trying to become the best version of myself. How has this happened to me? Okay. So I'm gonna start even to like my high school years. So obviously, you guys heard my story of what I was able to do in high school, you know, track to you know, the grades that I got to being talented, fairly like in music, all those different things. There were times where I came home so exhausted that my parents actually thought I died in my sleep. And there were multiple times where they thought I was in a coma, they didn't understand. I would come home and I would just pass out, wake up to nothing. Like nothing, nothing, no response for me. Just fell straight asleep. Right? So during that, it was kind of like, what's going on? I didn't think no one thought of it then because I would just wake up and then I'd be fine. I just everyone thought I was just overworking, I need to take it easier or whatever. Set countless doctors to me over the years, hey, you're working out too hard, you're you know, you need to take it a little easier, you need to not work so many hours. Has anyone heard that before? Again, for an A-type person like me, I'm kind of resistant to that because I'm like, no, there's something else. I used to perform like way more than I am now, and I'll get into that. Right. But there were even multiple times in my college years, inexplainably, I'd fall asleep at the wheel. Like I'd be driving late at night, I was driving between, so I'm in Wisconsin, in Milwaukee, and would drive to Chicago Monday night and drive back, and then on Wednesdays, drive to Madison and drive back. And multiple countless times where I just like nodded off. And by the grace of God, I did not crash, whatever. There were kind of some scary moments where I did run a red light once or twice. Just again, it was just because I was tired, right? I was overworking myself, is what everyone thought. So I just thought, hey, if I just sleep, get some rest, I'd feel better. And it would kind of work, but then it kind of wouldn't. So when 2014 hit, ironically, going back to last episode, this is the same time, right? As you know, all that family, um, the the suicide to um someone overdosed on alcohol to uh best friend died. It was literally that same time frame. I don't remember the exact dates or times or whatever, but I just remember I was so disabled by the monovirus. Um, I couldn't move for two weeks. I had to not go to classes, I couldn't work out. Yet once I was better, I stayed consistent to my consecutive months of training and did in those last two weeks of that month. So I was still able to push through that. But I just remember like after mono, people would say, like, oh, you never feel the same, you're tired, yada, yada, yada. So over the next, I would say, five, six, seven, eight years, when I was extremely fatigued, it was always like, oh, well, you just reactivated your Epstein Bar virus. And I'd see doctors on food sensitivity tests to, you know, just inexplainable fatigue. Just could not figure out what the heck was going on. And it led to actually some very challenging moments where I'm like, I'm working on my side business. I'm trying to do well in sales in my daytime job. And despite all that, I'm working still, you know, probably I would say, you know, by the time I got to work, like seven, seven in the morning. And then by the time I was done working my side business, probably done by nine or ten o'clock at night. And that was my normal day, six days a week. And even some work on Sundays. That's just this is who I've been. It might alienate some of you, and I understand that. It's just when you have big dreams, you just want to push forward and you want to keep working. But I knew I could do it before because I had done so much in high school. So it wasn't like abnormal for me. My capacity was great to handle that. Well, all of a sudden it led in 2016, 2017, being so fatigued that I missed like half a month of work, and I was on the verge of either getting devoted or actually fired. And so I just all of a sudden I remember this friend recommended this book, no meat, go vegan, tried that. I mean, the numerous diets that I've tried, the foods I've eliminated, like it would work temporarily, but then all of a sudden it would just come back. And I just couldn't figure out what the heck it was. So many different doctors, so many specialists, so many opinions, so many supplements, but it would just drive me up a wall. Right? Because then even in 2018, there was a I almost got like written up because I was missing too many days again. It's just this paralyzing fatigue that you're just like, I'm sleeping. I'm sleeping for my I would get my eight to ten hours. Now I did it initially, but as I started to age into my later 20s, I would get eight hours of sleep. I didn't party, I didn't drink, I didn't have time for that because I just had to sleep. So I would sleep, then wake up, and then I would still need three naps during the day. That didn't make any sense. I remember so many times in different jobs, like people normally, oh, I need to go like spend time at lunch. I would go in my car, drive somewhere for a little bit, and sleep for 30 minutes because I could not neurologically stay awake. A good friend put this to me once. Like, if I had the option, or if someone put a gun to my head, is like, hey, if you don't stay awake, you die, you're probably gonna have to kill me because I cannot keep my eyes open. Okay, it was that paralyzing of fatigue. And then when I got into the insurance world, right, and all these different things I'm doing, driving between different cities, um, flying different places, it was still bothering me. And I'm like, okay, my diet's on point. I'm not working out as hard. I'm trying to, and like everything I would do from a training perspective, I had to massively adjust. I couldn't do cardio anymore. Doctors said no basketball, none of that. I'm like, oh, that sucks, whatever, but I need to get better. I need to focus on what I'm doing. So I listened to everything they said, and it still was bothering me. Who sleeps 10 hours a night and still needs three naps? It makes no sense. So all of a sudden, recently, in I would say the last three months, right? I had met a at a sales uh training event that I was um speaking at. I met this awesome doctor, she just amazing knowledge, like, hey, have you considered this? Getting sleep tested. And I'm like, Well, I I mean, my Fitbit, my Aura ring, my Apple Watch, everything says I'm in the 80 to 90 percent as far as quality sleep, so I didn't think much of it. And she's like, Well, what you're talking about sounds like, I mean, have you ever gotten tested for like sleep apnea or anything like that? And my parents had mentioned maybe that could possibly be it, but I'm just like, but I'm in shape. And this is what doctors thought too. They didn't even think to test it because I'm not overweight. I've always been in shape for the most part, just stayed disciplined in that for 20 years or so, right? So no one thought of it. Well, I get a sleep test done. Not only do I have sleep apnea, I am not breathing 30 times per hour at night. 240 interruptions at night. Statistics say one in five people with that condition end up dying in their sleep. With the grace of God, I'm silly. And everything in my life started to make sense when I would be in a coma, or what my parents thought was a coma, I wasn't in a coma, but when they thought I might have been fall asleep at the wheel multiple times, every single diet plan to whatever training adjustment, it would be temporary. And all of a sudden, here I am being like, Well, how long has this been going on? Well, obviously, you look, I mean, if you look at myself, it's genetic, right? And I've just had to face that reality, and ever since kind of finding that out and being on CPAP therapy and everything else, it's made such a drastic difference, it's unbelievable. I feel like a completely new person. And to think of everything that I still overcame despite just sleeping abnormal amounts, right? Having to kind of like just just suck it up. And just I just remember so many days, even in insurance, different sales jobs, I'd be cranking for an hour, and then just this overwhelming fatigue just hit me and brain fog, and I can't focus. Led to different mistakes I made, everything else. I mean, even to the point, it's actually pretty wild. Um, I shared this story on LinkedIn, and this will go in a future D, I will mention. But when I actually got let go from a company, I I pray and I pray, pray, pray this was not anything tied or related to it. I don't think it is, and I won't pursue anything of it. But it was the timing two weeks after I shared my diagnosis with the company that I was with. And I was diagnosed with severe obstructive sleep apnea, had to be on a CPAP, everything else, and then two weeks later, I was like, oh, so it is what it is. But that was insane because it also really impacted my relationship, right? Well, you know, been with for 11 years, and all of a sudden it's like it everything made sense. The intense cravings I'd have for sugar. I mean, it's a it's a blessing that I still maintain some kind of physique because I always was craving sweets. The emotional instability was really, really tough to fight. Like I had to fight so hard mentally just to stay engaged and to not let things blow up. But unfortunately, when they did, they did. And it was like going from zero to a hundred faster than a Ferrari. It is crazy. And just about little stupid things that just shouldn't frustrate you. That's what happens because that amount of sleep I was getting, the quality of sleep, I remember talking to the doctor, and it was like, well, it's basically the same as you sleep eight to ten hours a night, but you're actually getting like two to three hours of actual quality sleep. So imagine sleeping quality sleep for two to three hours for the last five, ten, fifteen years of your life. I'm saying it's a miracle that I'm still here, and I thank God for it every day. It just changed my perspective completely. Like I said before, constant brain fog, always tired, always exhausted, no explanation from it. I mean, basically all I had to do was just drink four energy drinks a day, just still. That's how I did it. Couldn't change the sleep. I was already sleeping, I was already taking naps, I was already taking it easier with my workouts. I figured out basically everything around my training and optimizing energy levels and everything else, I think actually kind of like was a blessing that came out of having to actually figure it out by force because of everything I had. That's my story that I've had to overcome still on CPAP therapy today. It's really, really helping. I now have you know dialed in on different hydration, water stuff that's really gonna help me just recover a lot of the damage that was done from not sleeping. I think the saving grace was that because I was so in shape, um, my oxygen levels were still good enough, and that's why I didn't pass away at night. Because, like I said before, one in five with this condition end up passing away. That's just that's just what happens. So this is my journey with sleep apnea. I then had a partner who's had ADHD and got diagnosed with it only recently, probably a few years ago. And so uh trying to understand when things would be asked to get done and they were forgotten about, we were distracted, not really focused. If there's a task to help around the house, not really understanding, like hey, following through on it, and while everything else was going on for myself, trying to figure out how to adjust, right? And she eventually got medication, everything else to really help, but it was very severe and didn't know it for a while, and everything all of a sudden when the diagnosis came, like a lot of stuff made sense, but we were still okay. How do we deal with this though? Because there was still a lot of like just get getting easily distracted, being in the middle of a task, and like she would send me videos over Instagram of like what it's like to have like ADHD, and I just my heart goes out. I just had so much empathy. Like, how how can I help you? And I I didn't know I had sleep apnea at this time. It was only a couple months ago I found out I actually had sleep apnea. So during this whole time, I didn't, I'm like, how do I keep up with all this? Right? And from being forgetful, like forgetting to pay bills to all kinds of stuff. Again, not to I don't, I don't, I don't blame her for any of that, more so than just trying to understand like how it was like really, really hard to keep up with that. Poor time management, right? Feeling very impulsive, like can't sit still, like just very hard to hold a conversation because her her brain would be everywhere, right? Just difficulty like paying attention. And I think the hardest one, combine my irritability, right? Because I wasn't sleeping quality for years with mood swings that come with ADHD, you can imagine probably the environment that created more times than now when some kind of stressful life situation came up, and it's just like we didn't handle it the best. We just didn't, admittedly so, and that was very, very hard for a very long time. So these things are true to us, right? Because that's what we've experienced. And only in the past couple years, obviously, for her and then me recently, getting diagnosed in that way, understanding like, wow, so much life makes sense, but now we have to come up with a whole plan of how to overcome this. So, how do we do that? And I'll end on this again. We have to accept what we have been given, right? Feel it. It's like, all right, my life makes sense, or it still doesn't make sense. What can I do to make sense of this? Right? You have to absorb it, write it out. That's what I did. I wrote it out like, how can I make sense of all this? And how can I keep praying for healing, not just for her and her situation, but also for me and also just for people that any of this happens to? It's like that there is an element of the you know supernatural spiritual realm that we we need to pray into, right? To to heal us the rest of the way. And it helps us just also calm our mind, gives us more peace. That's what I have found, right? And again, I'm gonna go back to these three things. They kind of all intertwine, but how can I use this? How can I still perform? How can I still succeed despite everything else I'm going through? We've talked about death, now we've talked about disease. Despite the D's, how am I not gonna blame the G O D and still use the story, take away people's excuses? And because I'm gonna do those two things, it gives me deeper purpose to help someone actually see, regardless of what's happening to you, it's what happens through you for someone else. Hope you enjoyed this show. Maybe grabbed another cup of Joe, and we'll see you next time.