FXBG Neighbors Podcast
Fredericksburg Neighbors Podcast
FXBG Neighbors Podcast
EP #217 Downsizing Without The Overwhelm
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Your house isn’t judging you, but your clutter might be quietly running your life. We’re joined by Brenda Mason Parmelee, founder of Smaller Living Huge Life, to talk about what really keeps people stuck when they’re downsizing, decluttering, or trying to reset an overfull home. Her big claim is surprisingly relieving: clutter is rarely a “too much stuff” problem. It’s usually an indecision problem, and you can learn a method that makes choosing easier.
Brenda shares the real origin of her Downsizing 31 approach, including a high-pressure move from a 3,100 square foot home to a tiny 310 square feet, plus the moment she realized thousands of tiny house fans had the same dream killer question: “But what would I do with my stuff?” We also dig into how her work expanded through firsthand caregiving, where making space for medical equipment and managing emotional stress had to happen fast, not someday.
We walk through her four pillars Oasis Vision, the rule of floor four, clutter code chains, and rehoming resources and unpack common decluttering myths like “just start.” If you’re an empty nester, planning a move, navigating elder care, or simply trying to protect your mental health at home, this conversation offers a clear path and a lot of hope. Find Brenda and her free live webinar at SmallerLivingHugeLife.com, and if you like hearing Fredericksburg local business stories, subscribe, share this with a friend, and leave us a review.
Brenda Mason Parmelee
Smaller Living Huge Life
This
Welcome And Meet Brenda
Speakeris the Fredericksburg Neighbors Podcast, the place where local businesses and neighbors come together. Here's your host, Dori Stewart.
Speaker 1Welcome back to another episode of the FXBG Neighbors Podcast, where we share the stories of our favorite local brands. I have a special guest joining me today. We've got Brenda Mason Parmelee. She is with Smaller Living Huge Life. Brenda, welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 2I just I love your podcast. It's wonderful to be here. Thank you.
Speaker 1Uh, thank you for that. Well, I'm really excited to get to know you and get to know your business. So let's start there. Tell us what is Smaller Living Huge Life.
What Smaller Living Huge Life Means
Speaker 2It originally was a blog. I started back in 2015 when I was going to move from Utah back to Virginia and going from a large home to a smaller home. And everything I do is pretty much under that umbrella at this point in time. Oh, amazing. That's where I came from with smaller living huge life. So yeah.
Caregiving And Fast Downsizing Needs
Speaker 1So tell me, other than you know, someone who's an MD nester or moving into a tiny home, who else might this be for?
Speaker 2I have recently had firsthand experience on this. I overnight became a 24-7 caregiver for my father, fully bedridden, and he went down overnight. And um, we had to make space for the medical equipment and all the things. And during that three years, I was also in the assisted living, nursing, even though I did everything at home. I was out in that community, you know, on virtually online. And there were so many people that they're already in the emotional state of caring for somebody else, whether it's a spouse, a parent, or uh, you know, whoever it is family-wise, but they had to do that. And it's it's so hard to know what to do. And my method worked. It was hard for me during that emotional time, but at least I had the background. So now not only do I work with you know the various realtors and people that have to do it quickly. That's why I call it the downsizing 31. You can spend a whole year decluttering with my method, and that's fine. But for the people that have to do something quickly, this method works. And so we had to do that. You know, I work a lot with um elder law attorneys because all of a sudden family and it's a it's a it's a hard time and it's a heartbreaking time. And then some parents stay in the home like my father did, but then they have dementia, and so all of a sudden to try to let people let things go and how to make those decisions and how to deal with the loved ones in various stages. Some want to be right in on the process and others can't be, but um, so that's an area, same method, but I've expanded a little bit into that realm, quite a bit actually, because people just don't know what to do, and I can help with that as well.
Speaker 1Amazing.
The Downsizing 31 Framework
Speaker 1Thank you for sharing that. So break that down for me. What all types of services, tell me what uh what all you do exactly.
Speaker 2Yes, I'd love to. So I teach women that are you not always just women, but usually they're women in oversized, overfull homes. Uh, the one skill that organizers or moving services really never give them, it's how to decide. And that's called the downsizing 31 method. I have four pillars. Um, they're always in the same order. There's Oasis Vision, the rule of floor, floor four, clutter code chains, rehoming resources. And by the end, not only is she decluttered, but they've built the muscles that keep it from ever piling back. So it's it's uh a way of life for me. It's something that I have done myself, and it was hard. If it wasn't, we'd already be decluttered, right? But it was just it was really hard. And then I put that into a system, and now I teach other people how to do it.
Speaker 1Amazing. What a needed service. I love it.
unknownThank you.
Speaker 1So let's dive a little bit deeper into your background. So
From Empty Nester To National Stages
Speaker 1tell me, share your journey with us and how you got into this.
Speaker 2Okay. I'm gonna take you back even further than you want to go. When I was growing up, I knew my great-grandparents, my grandparents, my parents. I'm a parent, I have children, and I always took good care of everything. So I always kept everything. So the reason I mentioned that is um you fast forward into early 20s. I did go through a divorce in there, and we my kept my children and I out in Utah so they could get to know their dad. And uh, but then in 2015, my youngest was going away to college. So I was gonna enter that empty nester season, which that part I was very fine with, but I was in Utah. All my family is back here in Virginia and in our area. And I'm, as I mentioned, an only child. So I wanted to come back home and be around my parents. And at first I thought she was going to Mary Washington. She ended up going somewhere different, and that was totally fine. You know, her life, her choice, it all worked out great. Um, but all of a sudden, I had this 3,100 square foot home. I was coming back to 310 square feet. And by the time I was looking at everything, I had 31 days to do it. Now keep in mind, at the time I was what, 54? And I'd been trying to declutter my whole life. But I had to do it in 31 days and it was hard. And I did it, created a method. And when I came back to Virginia and I did it, I did it in 31 days. But then by the time she graduated and I drove everything back to Virginia, it'd been 45 days. But people were like, How did you do that? Can you teach me? Come do it for me. And I couldn't do that because you'd only help just a small amount of people at that point. So I just I figured out what I did, and knowing all my experience in that quick time, I created the downsizing 31 method so I could teach people one-to-one or one-to-many. And that's pretty much how, oh, I've got to tell you one more quick story in there. Um, when I came back, the tiny houses were kind of a new thing, they're kind of an oddity, right? And uh, so I went to a tiny house festival because I thought that well, one, they were new, and I thought, oh, these will be my people. They'll understand why I wanted to go smaller and do all my things. And this is part I wanted to really share with you at the festival, the very first one, 4,000 people showed up. They were not expecting that many. Wow. I was among the people for the the two days, and they were so excited. It's kind of what we do when we go visit a parade of homes or whatever, right? Anyhow, and everybody was so excited, and and they were talking about dreams and what they could go do and and the different lifestyle they could have and the freedom. But I've got to tell you, all of a sudden, like reality would boom, come in and shut them down because it would be like, but what would I do with my stuff? Dream over. I couldn't believe it. But I'm standing there in the middle of all this thinking, I understand where you are, I've been there, but I've done it and I can help you too. And I was getting really excited, just like on the inside. So that's pretty, but then so then I did start speaking at tiny house festivals and giving a method and steps of how to do it, but then there was no way for anybody to work with me because I didn't have anything else set up. So I had to really think about that and created back then courses were a big deal, or they weren't as known, but that was the way to do it. And I had an opportunity to go to New York um to meet with several media outlets up there. I'm almost done with this to give you some time. But um, I met one of the people I met with was Tommy Cruttup, and he was a senior producer for the Rachel Ray show. And I was there to promote my course and to let people know that they could do this too. And he said, Oh, you've got to put this in a book. You've got to put it in a book. I thought, but I'm here to promote my course.
unknownRight.
Speaker 2So I was speaking around the nation, around our around the states, and people needed a way, they wanted to do this. And you know, there were other people that were very popular at the time uh on ways to do things, but it never really stuck with people, and mine has, and it stood the test of time. So that's how I got into it. And um I I just I love it. I have a heart for people. I always wanted to be a teacher when I was growing up, interestingly enough. So I'm not actually in a classroom, but I do come alongside and teach people and help them. So there you go.
Speaker 1That's how I love that so much. What a what a cool origin story that is. I'm so glad you share that. And congratulations on finding this really cool niche that you're good at and that you've done and you have proven the concept and you're now able to help other people. That's just uh really cool. And I can I can feel how excited you are when you talk about it. Yes, thanks. I love it. I love it. So
Decluttering Myths And The Mindset Shift
Speaker 1tell me, what are some myths or misconception that you find people have about what you do?
Speaker 2The decluttering has gotten into a bigger realm out there for people. And my way might not work for everybody. So I fully understand that, stand that, and that's okay. But I have a really hard time when somebody says just start. Or um the the other thing is that people talk about the clutter and the stuff. So the two, those are kind of two myths. I I feel and know from my experiencing and helping other people that you really do need a method to get started. You can still jump in, but you need to have a method because so many people will empty a drawer or clear out a partial closet, a little bit of a bigger mess than where they started from, and they get overwhelmed and they stop. And then there, and there you are. So I I actually teach four pillars that I do. And once you have those, then you can go do a junk drawer or the the closet or the garage or help somebody else. But I think if you just kind of dive in thinking, I can do this myself, which you can, and many people there probably are many people that can do that. I mean, I did it originally, but I don't want people to get overwhelmed and get stuck and stopped. The other thing that I wanted to say was everybody feels, including myself, at one point in time, that clutter is all about the stuff. Probably the biggest thing. You know, we look at everything and that's what we're it's actually a decision problem. Our homes, the stuff is actually all its indecision, you know, things that we haven't made decisions on. And that um it's important to have a goal towards the end. I call it my oasis vision. Everybody's is individual, and if you have that, it kind of guides you to where you're going so you don't stay stuck in your past. That's sort of congeal in there. So um I I think it's and people have to hold on to everything. And I just want to say that you know, people are not their stuff, they're they're they're their stuff doesn't represent who they are. That's huge. And then the other thing is a lot of times memories and all the feelings or the feels are in the things, but they have no feelings, they have no memories. The memories and the feelings are with us, so we can keep those things and let go of the things that no longer work for us. So the final thing I'm gonna say with that because my mind's rolling here on different things, but um I, you know, it's not about minimalism, it's not about letting go of everything in my world. You're actually making the decisions, you're getting your decluttering muscles ready, and you're going to curate your own home oasis. I'm not going to come in and say you can only keep 10 books or 33 pieces of clothing. It's whatever you're doing. Of course, you can't keep everything because then you stay stuck right where you are. My girl, my children were afraid I would do that, and I didn't. But um, so I really gave quite a few, I think I gave five or six there. But those are things a lot of people come up against when they're trying to declutter.
Speaker 1So yeah. A lot of mindset involved in this. Yeah. I love it. I love it. What it's just such a cool service that you offer that I didn't even think was a service, but now that you're talking through it, I see how it is very much needed. So many people, not just the, you know, the tiny houses, but um, I'm in the empty nest era myself. And yeah, I there's a whole bunch of stuff around. What are you gonna do with it? So I love this so much.
Speaker 2And it does, it affects your business, it affects your daily life, it actually affects your health and and your mental stat or not status standing, but you know, your mental health as well. And now there's scientific studies out there for it. So um, but yeah, so yeah.
Hope, Free Webinar, And How To Connect
Speaker 1What is something that you wish the listeners knew about your business?
Speaker 2I I've kind of gone over it a little bit, but I think what I need them to know is that no matter what your age or your stage, this can be done, that there is hope, and this can be done. I do have a method, and I talked about the foundation. I hope it's okay to put this in here. I talked about the foundational steps that you need to know. I actually give a free live webinar, usually about twice a month, because it's what I want people to know and understand. So then they can go on and declutter themselves, or if they need the book, or they want to work with me. There's various stages and steps, but I think everybody needs the foundational, the essential foundation steps to begin.
Speaker 1Amazing. And if the listeners want to catch your webinar or if they want to connect with you, learn more from you, where can they find you?
unknownYeah.
Speaker 2So I would recommend just going to Smaller Living, Huge Life, just as you announced in the beginning. Put a dot com on the end of that, and there'll be a little bit more about me and my story. My book is there, different ways to work with me, and the link to be able to catch the the free webinar. It's always updated, and I do them live. I don't I don't have them recorded, so it's actually me that you get on the recording.
Speaker 1Very cool. Brenda, thank you so much for joining me on the podcast and sharing your business with us.
SpeakerThank you
Closing And Business Nominations
Speakerfor listening to the Fredericksburg Neighbors Podcast. To nominate your favorite local businesses to be featured on the show, go to FXBG Neighbors Podcast.com.