Ep 28 - When We Feel Unsupported on Our Ayurvedic Journey: Partner Support, Clarity & Self-Leadership

Episode 28: Partner Support on the Ayurvedic Path

Why decisiveness, self-leadership, and clarity change everything

In this episode of the Lean on Ayurveda Podcast, we explore a topic many of us quietly struggle with:
feeling supported (or not) by our partner when we choose to care for ourselves differently.

Drawing from Ayurveda, lived experience, and conversations with clients and listeners, this episode gently reframes “partner support” and reveals why clarity and decisiveness are often the missing piece—not more convincing, explaining, or negotiating.

Whether you feel fully supported, somewhat supported, or quietly resentful, this conversation offers relief, insight, and practical guidance.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why partner support has less to do with your partner and more to do with your own clarity
• How indecision quietly creates resentment (even when no one does anything “wrong”)
• Why we sometimes use our partner as an exit strategy when we don’t fully trust our own yes or no
• Why self-leadership and personal responsibility are where it's at
• How to articulate the real return on investment of your Ayurvedic practices
• Why investing in your well-being is never selfish—and how your whole family benefits
• How seasonal cleanses, structure, and rhythm support not only the body, but relationships

A key takeaway:

Your Ayurvedic journey is not about changing your partner.
It’s about becoming more rooted in yourself.

When you are clear, grounded, and decisive about what supports your health and fulfillment, collaboration becomes possible, often naturally. Support grows over time as the benefits become visible and embodied.

You don’t need perfect support to begin. Support evolves as self-trust deepens.

___

Join Our Community Spring Cleanse 🌱

If this episode resonated and you’re feeling the call to reset with the season, you’re warmly invited to join the Community Spring Cleanse.

Key dates:

• Preparation begins: March 15 (live Zoom call)
• Cleansing days: March 20–22
• Integration phase: through March 25

What’s included:

• Guided preparation (phasing out caffeine, alcohol & refined sugar)
• Optional digital detox
• 3 days of Ayurvedic mono-diet (kitchari)
• Gentle integration support (including a live Zoom closing circle on 22 March)
• A nourishing, supportive community experience
• Done fully from home

This cleanse is ideal if you:

• Want to align with the seasonal rhythms of Ayurveda
• Are returning to a practice that already supports you
• Are new to Ayurveda and want a grounded, accessible entry point

✨ Early bird pricing is currently available!

👉 Save your seat

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Transcript

One Year And A Fresh Focus

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hi and welcome to the Lenan Ayatmala Podcast. Here we explain how the ancient wisdom of Ayatbala can help us gain a deeper understanding in the body and open the gateway to finally feeling better.

Spring, Kapha, And Lymph Support

Poll Results On Partner Support

The Decisiveness Principle

Exit Strategies And ROI Clarity

Strength Training And Structured Choices

Making ROI Tangible For Both Partners

Practice Small Yeses And Nos

Community Spring Cleanse Details

SPEAKER_01 0:22

Hello and welcome to episode 28. Oh my gosh, it's episode 28. And actually, the podcast turned one at the end of January. So that's another cause to celebrate. I had actually forgotten to make a note in my calendar to celebrate this. But I guess that's okay because you know my one of my teachers has this beautiful saying that she got from her teachers that sometimes the best way to celebrate something is just to continue doing what you're doing with joy and dedication in your heart. And I definitely feel like that that is what I am doing today by recording another podcast episode. So I'm saying hi to you from my little office, and I am having some mint eucalyptus and lime that I made this morning, which is great for you know supporting circulation, and it's also really great for cleansing our rasa datu, our lymphatic tissue. And this is a time of year when we want to start thinking about this because during the winter months we were you know focused on tissue building, right? Um, and we're focused on accumulating kuffa. And now as we're approaching spring, naturally kuffa has buildup, right? So to avoid that that kuffa is expressed via symptoms the next season, we want to start thinking about how we can um alleviate kuffa, right? So for things like introducing a little bit more movement into your days, um introducing some more vigorous massage that uh gets the lymph flowing, and also uh some herbal teas uh or even supplements, but for most of us, herbal teas are enough that have these properties of facilitating the lymphatic flow, right? Making sure that the lymph tissue, our rasa datu, is clean and it can move, right? Because that is the basis of nourishment for all of the remaining tissues in our body, right? So the idea for today's topic came to me um this week when I opened the doors to my community spring plans, and immediately I had some exchanges with um some of the past participants, and those exchanges were um in relation to partner support, and I thought, wow, this is such an interesting topic, um, because oftentimes, you know, we don't feel supported by our partners on our journeys, and you know, I think this is an experience that most of us can probably relate to some degree, and today um I want to talk about it, I want to shed light on it um because I also have some personal examples to share, and I've been in conversation with some of you um on this topic through my Instagram account. So we've been having some um exchanges via DMs because I I put a poll up um since I realized that this topic is so fascinating. I put a poll up asking you guys how supported do you feel by your partners on your Ayurveda journey? And I gave three options. One option was I feel 100% supportive, supported, uh, then there was I kind of feel supported, and the last option was I really wish there was more support, right? So um the majority of you fell into this first category where you feel supported, which is awesome, and then about 20% of those who answered feel kind of supported, and another 20% feel like um they really wish there was at least a little bit more support, right? Um, so I want to talk about that today. I think that by the end of this episode, um you will find relief, whichever category of partner support you are currently placing yourself. So if you are somebody who lives with another human being, it doesn't necessarily need to be a romantic partner. Um and you are at whichever stage of your Ayurvedic journey, even if your Ayurvedic journey is something that you are hoping to start, right? But you are interested in it, you're interested in making a move. Um this episode will be helpful. So maybe let's start with some of the specifics that I picked out from our um private exchanges. Okay, so these are exchanges between me and you know either like past clients or um uh just people who are participating in in the polls, right? In my Instagram account. Okay, so some of the specifics around partner support um include um, you know, from those of you who feel supported 100%, I asked, what does that support look like? And what that support looks like in real life is pretty much along the lines of you coming to your partner and saying, Hey, I want to do this, and then the partner saying, Oh, great, uh, let's see how we can accommodate that, right? So there will be specifics around, so some of the specifics that um I loved was one partner, for example, suggested that they move their anniversary dinner to another weekend so that my client who wants to participate in the spring cleanse could move through the process without um having this um you know occasion in the middle where that would kind of break up um the momentum a little bit, right? Not necessarily that it would be a problem, but she wanted the full experience, and so her partner picked up on that, right? So it's um you know, the mindset of the partner is already like you want to do this, let me see how I can help, right? And this is what my client said feels so good, right? When the partner is on board, it doesn't mean that the partner will be um, you know, engaging in the same activities as you, right? So your partner does not need to be doing the cleanse with you, right, and holding your hand. The partner knows that the partner knows this is your activity, but they are thinking about how they can be of help so that you can do it, right? Now, a little bit from you know other um categories of um the level of support that you uh feel you receive. So some other examples I have heard in the past uh days are your worries that the partner is does not show interest in um you know whether it's health and wellness and uh and spirituality in particular, and so you view that as a block and as lack of support. Um and um some other concerns um I heard were concerns around finances, right? So when you want to invest in in a program, whether it's an Ayurveda program or um you know another, like let's call it self-development program, and you feel that the partner is not 100% on board, right? Um, but there was a common line in most of the answers that I saw, and that common line was you understanding that it has more to do with you than it has with the partner, right? So people who are who feel supported told me that they have noticed a difference in partner support when they became more sure of what they want, and people who don't feel supported were questioning, right? I wonder if this doesn't have more to do with me than with them, and so that's why I feel this episode um has the potential to be very powerful for you, especially for those who feel under-supported. So I want to start by saying, by naming something very, very clearly. Nothing from your Ayurvetic journey should be geared towards changing your partner in any way, right? It's never about changing the other, right? We are our own personal projects that we need to be working on, and then as we do, things start shifting around us as well. So the very first thing that we want to be thinking about when our partner is in the picture and we need their support is our own decisiveness. Okay, um, that is something that I see very clearly in my one-on-one clients, right? As we go through the process of, you know, our initial conversation when we're not yet working together, but they explain to me, you know, their um their symptoms, they explain to me what it is that they are looking for, and then I explain to them how I can meet them right on this journey, and then they are the ones that need to decide whether this is the journey that they want. Okay, let's go back to the sprinkles client example. So um she shared with me that the way that she would have communicated to her partner several years ago was very different, right? It was less decisive, and so she was under the impression that she was less supported. But what this would have looked like would have been like her going to her partner and saying, Hey, so you know, there is this um Ayurvedic Spring Cleanse, and um I'd be interested in doing it, you know, but it's um like it's three days of mono diet, and we have this anniversary dinner in the middle. I don't know, like it sounds complicated. What do you think? Just a note, I made this conversation up for the purpose of illustrating a point, okay? So in this case, when we are having a moment of indecision about something we kind of want to do, and when we go to our partners for what we think is support, we're not gonna get it, right? Because our partners respond to clarity, right? When our partners sense that we are unsure and undecided, for them the most loving thing to do is to you know stay on the side of caution, right? So spring cleanse is just like a very small example, but like imagine you were um you know wanting to invest in a bigger program, right? Uh imagine you wanted to invest in a mentorship program, and you were like, Yeah, I am really interested in doing that, but it is a lot of money, um you know, or it's gonna require a lot of time. Uh so I don't know what do you think? So when we do that, we are using our partners as a potential exit strategy, right? So that we would not be the ones responsible for the decision. Now, the decision does not need to be affirmative all the time. Sometimes no is a very wise decision, right? But it's about us using our agency to choose yes or no and then take it to the partner, right? So if you know, with this hypothetical higher investment program, for example, if we were decisive that you know it is a lot of money or it is a lot of like it's a big time commitment, right? If we decide ourselves that I want to make this happen for me, like I'm decided that this is good for me and I want to move forward, but then there are these issues that are kind of in the way, right? And I need to figure out how to um, you know, find these resources, right? Whether it's time or money or whatever else or whatever other support, then we go to the partner and we explain from that place of decisiveness, right? And then we ask for collaboration, and then we might get collaboration or we might not get collaboration, right? But one thing for sure is that we will not be getting collaboration if we are undecided ourselves, right? I think that would be very rare. I know that if you know my husband came to me and he said, you know, uh, I I kind of want to do this, but at the same time, we have carpool and we have this, and it just feels so complicated. I don't know, what do you think? I would probably say, Yeah, you know, it is complicated because I don't feel him being decisive. The program or whatever is for him, right? So if he is not, if he does not have clarity for himself, I'm not gonna bring that clarity for him, right? So that's the very first thing that if you're feeling unsupported, check if you are coming to ask for collaboration when you feel grounded and decided yourself, right? So you can you can decide that you want to do something and not have it figured out, right? It doesn't mean that um you know you need to have all the solutions, but then you can ask for collaboration from that different place, right? So making sure that we're not putting that responsibility of decision onto our partners, right? Because they are acting in our best interest if they see that things are unclear for us, they're gonna go for the lowest risk, right? And the lowest risk is not doing anything, keeping the status quo. I actually have a personal example which illustrates this so well where I used this partner's support as an exit strategy, right, from a situation where I wanted out. So it has a little bit of a different angle, but it still illustrates so well this point of decisiveness and being clear of what it is that I will be getting in return. Return on investment, that's another thing that we um will be covering today. So um many years ago, when I had just started my Ayurveda practice, I was looking for programs to support me on the business side of things because it just felt so confusing and and so new, and I felt really vulnerable and exposed in that area, and so I was looking for support. And I had a call with this business coach who was actually specialized um in Ayurvedic um in counseling Ayurvedic practitioners, and we had a somewhat decent call, I'd say, but um, by the end of the call, my brain was not able to um articulate clearly for myself the value of this program, you know, in in relation to the price of this program. The price of this program was like through the roof for my nervous system back then, and so that was already like for me back then, it it was a red flag. It was like, oh, I'm never gonna be able to pull this together, you know, I'll never be able to justify that type of expense. Um, but the issue there was that um I wasn't sure it was worth it because the return on investment was not clearly articulated to me, right? And so, like my brain was not. Connecting the two dots, right? What am I gonna get from this program? And like the methodology that would be used to get me there. Like, I I was not sold, right? And what did I say on the call? I'm gonna go and discuss it with my husband, right? Because for me, that was an exit strategy, right? For me, that was a way of saying, like, of course he's gonna say no. Like, I I'm not sold, and uh it's not like if I go to him and say, Hey, there kind of this program I like, but I'm not sure it costs this much. What do you think? He'll be like, uh, no, you're crazy, right? Um, because I was not able to articulate the return on investment, right? It wasn't clear in my brain. So I use the husband card to get out of a call, right? Um, so we do this, we do this, and uh there's no shame in that, it's just a very human moment, but um it can be helpful to witness our human moments, right? And the reason why I think it's important to witness those human moments when we use somebody else as an exit strategy is because it leaves us in a place of disempowerment, right? Because instead of saying and deciding um on the spot, like no, this is not for me right now, um, you know, this like I don't have enough clarity, uh, the vibe is not good or whatever. Like, if we're being like honest with ourselves and we're able to take a decision for ourselves instead of like outsourcing it, right, that leaves us in a place of empowerment. That leaves us in the driver's seat of our own journey. And as I said, the decision doesn't always need to be yes, right? Um, the decision, like a very good, grounded, wise decision, can also be no. But if we don't take it ourselves, then you know we walk away feeling unsupported a lot of the times, right? So one thing to remember is that indecision creates resentment, right? Even when it seems like nobody did anything really wrong, right? Let's do another recent example from my life. This is very recent, so this is from uh last month. Um, so um in January, I started doing some strength training, and the way that this started was um, so I I knew I had this intention to start um training, and since my husband trains a lot, he was like, Hey, why don't you come to the gym with me? And um I was hesitant because I what I wanted was um you know a program that would be specific for tending to strengthening the muscles of the pelvic region of women who had babies, right? Uh, my husband does not have expertise in that. So I was like, no, you know, I'm gonna sign up for a program that has been designed by a specialist in the field, and also for me, it's very important that it's a paid program so that I don't lose myself among all the free videos on YouTube that are going to cause me decision fatigue and decision paralysis, and I will end up feeling overwhelmed and lose momentum, and you know, um, because I I have tried that. Who hasn't tried YouTube workouts? They don't work for me because it's not um, you know, working out is not something that comes naturally for me, it's something that I need I know I need to have a very clear structure around it. So I signed up for this program, which I'm loving by the way, um, and you know, every day I get like a short 20-minute workout, right? And I unlock it, I complete it, and I'm done. And it's working great, right? And so I was able to communicate this to my partner, right? Um, and he was being supportive, right? He was just like suggesting alternatives from his point of view, but I was clear in what I was needing in this moment for this to work, right? And he was like, Okay, you you do you do you, and when you're ready to come to the gym with me, like I'll be there, right? But um, you know, this is an example of how when we are able to articulate our need, and when we're able to articulate at least in our heads the return on investment that we will have. So, for example, I could very well be doing free workouts on YouTube, right? But as I mentioned, for me right now, free content is only free if it actually works, like otherwise it's it's a loss of time, right? Which is actually costly. It costs momentum, energy, and then it costs self-trust because we're no longer able to follow through. So the formula that works for me when it comes to working out, I need a clear structure of something that is delivered, right? Uh, in like clear, clear time slot, clear task, not too long, and I can just get it done. Right? This is my return on investment that I'm actually making this happen. I'm actually making strength training happen on a regular, on a daily basis, in fact, which has never been the case in my life, right? So I in my head was clear on my decision and my return on investment. So being able to articulate the return on investment on whatever it is that you're doing for yourself, right? Whether it's signing up for Pilates classes, whether it's doing an Ayurvedic cleanse, whether it's signing up for a program or working with a coach, you need to be able to arrive at your decision, you need to be able to articulate in your brain what it is that you are getting, right? And sometimes that result may not be tangible, right? But that still counts as a return on investment, right? So, for example, uh, if you if we're using the the seasonal cleanse as an illustration, if you do it once, twice, three times, um, I've been doing it for years, twice a year now. For me, it's very clear what my return on investment is after having done the cleanse. I'm very clear and decided in my head that it's important for me to do these things regularly. Because I love the version of myself that has had a few days of a digital detox. I love the version of myself that has spent um around 10 days without refined sugar, without caffeine, right? So it's that version of me that um is free from artificial stimulation, right? It's that version of me that emerges grounded and inspired, and it's that version of me that emerges knowing that she took time to live in accordance to the seasons and taking that time to listen to her body. I love that version of me, that version of me that takes time for tending to inner things, right? That takes time for creating a bit more space than usual for you know journaling and reading and yoga nidra and all of these things that make me feel really grounded and make me feel like the best version of myself, right? So when I am thinking spring cleanse, I am not just thinking spring cleanse, I'm thinking all of what I just said, right? That is my personal return on investment, right, for for this particular practice, and when we have experienced it, right? So just like this um client of mine who is uh who has been returning to seasonal cleanses with me for many years now, she has become better at articulating right um her needs to her partner who is more equipped now to accommodate them, right? So now all she needs to say is hey, cleanse is coming, and he's like, Okay, I know what to do, let's move our dinner, right? Um so with experience, like as you start to take um you know this self-leadership, right, in in these little ways, maybe it's like by participating in a cleanse, maybe it's by signing up to uh I don't know, like a Pilates class or whatever it is that you have a desire to do, right, that you know is gonna be good for you. As you become more experienced, right, you will become better at articulating first of all for yourself that return on investment. You will learn to see how engaging in this activity translates um into your reality, like how that changes your reality afterwards, right? So, and and your partner will be able to notice. So, for example, in um in our couple, we each have with my husband things that we know make us feel happy and fulfilled, right? So, for my husband, like he is doing a lot of sport, right? He's a very pita constitution, he needs to be moving to stay sane, uh, and he does like um martial arts and and um you know, and he does his workouts, so there is you know, I I need I need to accommodate that because a lot of that happens in the evenings, right? So it means that on quite a few evenings per week, I am there to take over, uh, you know, for for dinner and kids and bedtime when he does these things, but I do it gladly because I know the return on investment, right? I know what it would be like if he wasn't able to do these things, right? I would much rather live with a husband who gets to do the things that make him feel good, right? I want to be living with a husband who feels good. Same for his uh music festivals. I know how much joy they bring him, right? So when he tells me that in June he leaves for five days every summer, um, you know, to enjoy his festival, I'm like, yeah, yeah, you go do that. Like, I I feel really happy that he's going, right? For me, it would be the ultimate nightmare to participate in those things, right? Especially like heavy metal music, which is what he listens to. Um but that brings him a lot of joy, and I get to feel that joy, right? And same with him, he knows that for me, Ayurveda study programs is something that fills me like nothing else does, like that desire to learn the Vedic arts in me is so great that if I didn't have access to that right now that I've tasted it, I would be really unhappy, you know. Um, and he wouldn't want to live with somebody who's unhappy, right? He'd much rather live with a wife who feels fulfilled, right? Because he has seen the return on investment of these programs. He doesn't care about what I learn in in these programs, you know. When when I discuss what I'm signing up for with him, I don't go into detail explaining, you know, if I take this, then I will learn this. If I take this, no, he doesn't care. He's like, you do what will what you need to do, right? For him, the return on investment is my fulfillment. And knowing how much better our life will be if I have access to that. And for me, like all of um all of the money I'm spending, and I'm spending significant amounts of money, like you know, viewed from our household, it's really significant amounts of money um on mentorships, on Ayurveda training, on um other Vedic disciplines such as Vedic astrology. This stuff brings me joy and fulfillment. This stuff allows me to feel more connected to my body, right? That is what Ayurveda teaches us, that is what Ayurvedic programs will teach you. Good Ayurvedic programs, right? Better emotional navigation, more love to give, right? More nutritious food for me and for the family. I don't only cook for myself, right? I also cook for everyone who's living under the same roof, right? And I get to share Ayurveda. So when when we are investing in our Ayurvedic journey, we're not just like keeping the return on investment for ourselves. It's not like a selfish investment, right? It's an investment that our family gets to benefit, right? Which partner would not want the partner to experience more joy, fulfillment, more connection to the body, better emotional literacy, right? I mean, these are things that we all want as human beings, and we all want for our partners. If we don't want that for our partners, then I think you know there's merit in questioning the partnership. But ultimately, you know, with Ayurveda, that's where we're headed. And so everybody wins, especially your partner. Like he can be one of the biggest winners of the results of your Ayurvedic journey, right? So there is this mutual benefit, right? And as we get to experience that in our own skin and our own relationships, it gets much easier to be decisive, right? First in our brains, and then we can articulate that to our partners and ask for collaboration. And you can get to this place by practicing in little ways, right? So what uh what is the smallest step you can take towards this type of self-leadership? Start by practicing saying yes in small ways and saying no in small ways where it feels appropriate, right? And once you have practiced this decisiveness with yourself first, then yeah, ask for collaboration. But it's good to remember that um you don't need perfect support to begin. Because that is something that evolves and grows as your own conviction, as your own dedication, your own decisiveness takes form. I hope that you found this episode helpful. It turned out to be um a little bit of a coaching episode, actually, and interestingly, but I think we um all could do with some coaching from time to time. So um I hope this was inspiring, I hope this was empowering. And if you want to join the Community Spring Cleanse, which this year will be taking place from March 20th to the 22nd. So these are the three cleansing days, but we start the preparation phase on the 15th of March with a live Zoom call, which is when we will all get together. Um, I'll answer your questions, and this is also the moment where we start our preparation. So it means that we start phasing out caffeine, alcohol, and refined sugar, and with an option to do a digital detox as well, because when we're cleansing the body, we also want to be taking care of our senses in a deeper way. Um, so we will be doing that on the 15th of March. So we start our prep, preparing our bodies. We have three days of Ayurvedic mono diet of Kitcheri on the 20th, 21st, and 22nd of March, and then we will have a phase out period until the 25th of March. So, in total, it's an experience in community of about 10 days, can be done from the comfort of your home, and it's a great way to either maintain an Ayurvedic rhythm throughout the year if you have worked with me before, or it's also a great gateway into the world of Ayurveda if you are new. So, to sign up, um, you can find the link in the show notes. You can also sign up through my Instagram account, Lean on Ayurveda, and the early bird rate is available right now. So use it. I am wishing you a beautiful day ahead, and if you enjoyed this episode, consider subscribing to the podcast, leaving a review or a rating, or sharing this episode with a friend because that really helps to keep the show going. Thank you for listening, thank you for being here and

SPEAKER_00 44:00

And I'll see you next time.