LGBTQ+ Self-Defence Isn’t What You Think - 4 Truths You Deserve to Hear

Feeling unsafe because of who you are? You’re not imagining it — and you’re not alone.

In this Pride special, Julie Waite and Dene Josham (self defence expert and former bodyguard of Angelina Jolie) share 4 life-changing truths about real self-defence for LGBTQ+ people — truths that most people never talk about.

 This isn’t about fighting. It’s about self-worth, setting boundaries, protecting your peace, and reclaiming your power.

 💡 If you’ve ever shrunk yourself to stay safe, this one’s for you.

Resources

• Galop - support for LGBT people who have experienced abuse and violence
• 1-Hour Online Self-Defence Essentials Course
• LBTQ group training 

🎧 Want to feel safer, stronger, and more prepared?
Join our community of people taking back control of their safety — and get instant access to our free self defense and safety tip downloads.

👉 Head to Streetwise Defence to grab your free resources and start your journey today.

💡 PS – As a podcast listener, you also get 25% off our online courses. Just use the code PODCAST25 when you’re ready.

Chapters

• 0:00 Understanding Safety in the LGBTQ Community
• 1:04 The Importance of Open Conversations
• 2:42 Statistics on Hate Crimes and Their Impact
• 4:55 The Deeper Meaning of Self-Defense
• 7:18 Self-Worth and the Right to Safety
• 9:59 Four Pillars of Self-Defense
• 11:41 Martial Arts vs. Practical Self-Defense
• 18:40 Understanding Real Self-Defense
• 20:30 The Importance of Setting Boundaries
• 25:15 Domestic Abuse and Its Misconceptions
• 30:35 Recap of Key Truths in Self-Defense

Transcript

Julie Waite (00:00)

Hi and welcome to this special episode of the podcast to celebrate Pride. I'm Julie Waite and alongside me is Dene Josham, self-defence instructor with 30 years experience and former bodyguard of Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt and Russell Crowe. And together we co-founded Streetwise Defence. This episode is especially for our LGBTQ plus friends and

listeners. And if that's you, please know this is a safe, trauma-informed and supportive space.

Because here's the truth, everyone deserves to feel safe. But too many LGBTQ plus people are made to feel unsafe in public, in relationships and even so-called safe spaces. So today we're sharing four empowering truths about self-defense for the LGBTQ community. Things everyone deserves to know.

This isn't about fear, it's about strength, awareness and reclaiming your right to feel safe as you are. So if you've ever felt unsafe because of who you are or how you identify, please know it's not your fault and you're not alone.

Quick reminder, if you find this episode helpful, please share it with someone who would benefit from it. And before we start, I want to say this, we don't pretend to know what it's like to live as an LGBTQ person. We've never had to worry about being verbally or physically abused just for walking down the street, holding the hand of the person we love.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (01:30)

Shhh!

Julie Waite (01:24)

But even though we may not share your lived experience, we do know what it feels like to be vulnerable, to feel afraid and to be judged or targeted and to carry the weight of trauma. We're here as allies to listen, to stand beside you and to share tools that we hope can help you feel safer in a world that too often

isn't. So Dene, we know that violence and hate crimes against LGBTQ people are increasing.

Why do you think it's so important that we talk openly about self-defence in this context, especially during Pride?

Dene - Streetwise Defence (01:59)

We have to speak the truth and we have to understand as well, you know what certain groups people are experiencing so we can do something about it and that's

why we do what we do is look at what's really going on, look at what we can do and keep people informed and going, you're not on your own. There's other communities as well that we try and help and look at and understand their daily struggles, what they have to go through and more awareness is gonna create more open discussions and a positive way to prevent this, to deal with it.

and to educate other people that it's not acceptable and we've got to come together and do something about it.

You

Julie Waite (02:42)

Yeah, I agree. It's those subjects that just aren't spoken about and people then feel really isolated and feel like they're the only ones that have in those worries. But we know because of all

the people that come to us for training and advice and information that a lot of people feel like this. And I think, like you said, if we can start to talk about it more, share some truths about...

what self-defence really is, which is what we want to do today, then it helps people feel less isolated and more empowered in being able to protect themselves.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (03:19)

Definitely

Julie Waite (03:22)

I've got a couple of statistics here. I don't really need to share them because I think people know

Dene - Streetwise Defence (03:28)

you

Julie Waite (03:28)

what they're experiencing, but from the Home Office, from the 2018 to 2019 statistics, they said there was 14,161 hate crimes based on sexual orientation, increasing to 24,102 in 2022 to 2023.

and then trans hate crimes

rising from 2,253 in 2018 to 4,732 in 2022 to 2023, which I don't even think gets anywhere close to what's really happening because we know that so many people don't report these things for many reasons, because of shame, because of...

Dene - Streetwise Defence (03:54)

You

Julie Waite (04:16)

feeling that they won't be supported, they won't be listening to and thinking that nothing will come of it. So

we know that there's a lot of this going on out there and what always strikes me is that these aren't just statistics, these are people that have been traumatised, people that have had...

Dene - Streetwise Defence (04:22)

You

Julie Waite (04:38)

something really horrible happened to them. So it's one thing to kind of read some numbers out, but each one of those numbers is an individual and their family and friends

around them that's been impacted by this.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (04:50)

Yeah,

it's a big impact, isn't it? It's not just on that person, it's on, know, I say friends and families.

I think it's really important to give the latest statistics. When we do training, we do talk about latest statistics. People are a bit, well, didn't realize that to the extent, and that's the ones that are reported. There's a lot that goes unreported, and I think it's really important to understand the latest statistics to know what's happening, what we need to improve, what we need to address, things we might not have been aware of as well.

Julie Waite (05:18)

Yeah, definitely. So like I said, today we're going to share four truths about self-defense for the LGBTQ community. I think people immediately think physical, because that's what everyone thinks self-defense is, but before we get into the physical, and we will cover that, there's actually something deeper and more important that we need to talk about, which is why so many people in this community

Dene - Streetwise Defence (05:35)

you

Julie Waite (05:49)

struggle to believe that they're worth protecting in the first place. Have you got thoughts on that? Because I know that's something that comes through when we talk to people.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (05:58)

Yeah, I think it's, some society, you know, that

early messaging, shaming, being different. Yeah, it's kind some of that.

what we're kind of programmed if you like as in

Julie Waite (06:18)

they're wrong, they're doing something wrong, so they're then maybe not as good as person, as someone else. Yeah.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (06:19)

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And that can stem

from early on, it? From, know, I don't feel like I'm in the right body, something's not right. And then all these other things that are associated with that, without the understanding. Yeah.

Julie Waite (06:41)

Yeah, I think as well.

This kind of self-worth issue can come from trying to be invisible or blend in because you're different and because from an early age you experienced being picked on or bullied because you look different and then or you act different and then kind of trying to hide and just like be invisible. I think...

that plays into it as well.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (07:12)

Yeah,

definitely, it's that self-worth, isn't it? It's a massive thing and words from a young age.

have massive impact. I think if everybody looked at themselves and realized things they went through as a child or a young adult and how that influenced them, words have a massive impact on us. And that can have such a controlling force over us when you go, they're just words from somebody who has an opinion, right, wrong, indifferent, whatever that is. And we give so much weight to that.

Julie Waite (07:44)

Yeah, I think as well, there's no faith in the systems that are there, that are supposedly there to protect us. But I think in particular, this community has historically not felt supported or seen by the police and the legal system and not felt supported. So...

It's like a combination of things, you know, from what people have told us.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (08:09)

Yeah.

Yeah, there's a massive misunderstanding there and how different people need to be treated differently in support system. And if you don't have that understanding, how can you support that person? Because you, yeah. Go on.

Julie Waite (08:24)

Yeah, and I think if you go, sorry,

go on.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (08:29)

I was just going to say if you don't understand that person and things potentially they've gone through, then how can you have that empathy to try and help them to deal with that and give them best advice?

Julie Waite (08:41)

Yeah, and if you go and ask for help and then you're dismissed, it just doesn't give you any, well one, it doesn't give you any confidence, but then two, it kind of reinforces that idea that, well, you're not worth protecting or you're not as important or you're different or there's something wrong, all those other things that we've been talking about that can kind of really chip away at someone's self-confidence, self-worth.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (09:03)

Yeah.

Julie Waite (09:10)

and just feeling that I have every right, as much right as anyone else, to protect myself and to feel safe. And it shouldn't be accepted that because I'm in the LGBTQ community, that's just how it is that you don't feel safe or that there's worries or you have to kind of fight to be heard. It

really shouldn't be like that.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (09:34)

Shouldn't

be and then where do you go? You know go to the people you think you know the authorities whoever you know police whoever that is and you get that response then they said then what do you do where do you go what's my options I'm dealing with all this as well as that to add to it because there's not the right support there it's well you know it's must be so frustrating

You

Julie Waite (09:59)

So the first truth we want to share is that real self-defense starts with knowing that you deserve to take up space and feel safe. that is something, it's something that

just, it's not, you can't really change that overnight. It's more of a realization and starting to believe in yourself and accept yourself and really know and feel at that deepest core level that you are worth protecting.

and you are worth fighting for and that's where it has to start.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (10:31)

Yeah,

definitely. think if you're struck with that, I think it would take some time to look inside and go, where does that originate from?

because it's coming from somewhere or somebody or some situation you've been in, some experience and then being honest and looking at it going, okay, does that serve me? No, it doesn't if you're struggling. Nobody's opinion ⁓ should matter. I think it's addressing that within yourself to go, yeah, I am a good person. I deserve to be looking after myself physically and emotionally. Nobody has the right to say any different.

Julie Waite (11:12)

Yeah. So when we teach self-defense, we teach with four pillars of self-defense, which are awareness, prevention, mindset, which we just talked about a little bit, and physical. And we always say that physical is the last step of self-defense, but it's something obviously that everyone gets hung up on. It's an important key part of it. But when people think about self-defense, they immediately think...

Dene - Streetwise Defence (11:27)

You

Julie Waite (11:41)

martial

arts which is just so off-putting to a lot of people but especially to the LGBTQ community. Why do you think that ⁓ the martial arts are so off-putting to this community? You're smiling, I can see you smiling about it.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (11:56)

I could get into a lot of

trouble there. Martial art is martial arts. No, no, yeah. Yeah.

Julie Waite (12:02)

Well not against martial arts, but for self-defence and for this community...

Dene - Streetwise Defence (12:09)

I'm a big I have been a big martial artist and I love it, but martial arts isn't self-defense. Yes It can help you on the physical element course it can but it's an art or it's a combative sport, you know, we're doing reality air and To think you've got a train waking wake out week in week out to be effective to do something physical isn't realistic for most people and most people don't want that and There's more effective things in my opinion. Yes, of course all if you

Julie Waite (12:34)

They don't.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (12:38)

have done that, great, it's going to help you. It's a bonus. But reality is, if you have to be physical, what can you do? And this has to be simple, effective, and you have to be able to remember it in a stressful situation. Because you've got a lot going on there, a lot to process. Because the last thing you want to do is be physical because of the consequences and aftermath and all that. it's not, I think it's natural to most people to be physical.

Julie Waite (12:54)

Yeah.

No, and I think,

I mean, we don't teach any martial arts. ⁓ And for me, it's just such a macho environment. And I know there's a lot of women involved in it ⁓ these days, but it's just traditionally that it's such a kind of male dominated, aggressive environment. I know I went to a karate class.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (13:32)

Hmm

Julie Waite (13:33)

This was many years ago and you know, before I knew what I know now, mistakenly thinking I want to learn how to protect myself. I'll go along and learn karate. The first class that I went to, it was so hardcore. was, and again, I'm not slating martial arts.

I'm sure there's loads of lovely karate classes out there that do things very differently, but my personal experience was I was put in there, within 20 minutes, they had me sparring with a man.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (13:51)

Wow.

Julie Waite (14:04)

⁓ Only kind of like tapping, but this was, it makes me feel a bit

shaken up just thinking about it now. This was someone I'd only just met, a man, and he's like tapping and touching me and like around the chest area. I just felt very uncomfortable given, you know, my experiences, what I've been through in my life. It was so aggressive. I'm not kidding. When I come out of there, I've been bare feet. The bottoms of my feet would bleed in.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (14:33)

I

thought you were gonna say dirty, but bleeding, wow.

Julie Waite (14:33)

I had, no they were bleeding,

I had plasters on like six toes for about two weeks afterwards and I just thought, never, never again. And again, I'm not slating all martial arts but my experience as a woman is I don't want some guy touching me. I don't wanna be having to get physical. I wanted to learn the techniques and I think with a lot of martial arts, you have to get physical with people and if you've experienced trauma,

You don't want someone touching you. You don't want, even if they're really nice person, even if it's your best friend, I don't want someone grappling around with me like that. It was horrible. And I think that's the thing about where people get put off going to self-defense, because they think, it's going to be martial arts. I'm going have to fight someone. It's going to be like macho BS. ⁓ And these people know nothing about trauma. And I think that's where, if you can find the right...

Dene - Streetwise Defence (15:12)

Yeah.

Julie Waite (15:31)

self-defense teachers program, you can find something that is non-contact, something

Dene - Streetwise Defence (15:34)

Yeah. Yeah.

Julie Waite (15:38)

that is not martial arts. You can learn it very quickly and that they approach things with a trauma-informed viewpoint so that they know that people are going to get triggered. Like you put someone again, you put a woman or whoever against a man and they start slapping you about within 20 minutes, you...

that's going to trigger things. I'm getting a bit ⁓ kind of overexcited now but it's, you know, that was 20 years ago, one

Dene - Streetwise Defence (16:01)

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Julie Waite (16:05)

class and it affected me. It has, it has. I've not even really thought about it in a very long time. I mean, it's not something I think about but it has. That one episode really stuck with me and I just come away thinking, well that's...

Dene - Streetwise Defence (16:10)

It's that way, if you haven't had it a long time, you can tell.

Yeah. Yeah.

Julie Waite (16:23)

That's the end of that then, I'll just, you know, stick with a rape alarm. But that's not, that alarm's not gonna fight anyone off.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (16:27)

Yeah, yeah.

think that's where, I've seen, because of 80s, 90s, what I did then, self-defense, and then it's evolved to now. And I think some martial artists are getting it, realizing you've got to be trauma aware and understand trauma. Because you don't know... So sad that I think more more people we talk to train, they've either experienced something or somebody close to them has.

and you have to understand who your people are in front of you. So any group we do, we've got to understand what the dynamics are, what they might have experienced, what the worries and concerns are, and deliver to that group of people. Because I can't go there with an ego and like, you know, this is what you need to do. like, it has to be specific for the people. And I think that's where things are slowly changing. But if an instructor isn't trauma aware, or he or she, whoever that is,

but potentially can do more damage than good. it's very, yeah, if you don't know, you don't know. I mean, the reason I did trauma on my diploma is because I want to understand that and I realize now it's a massive part of how we deliver what we deliver in the right way. It's a difficult one. It is difficult because you never know how people are going to respond, what they've experienced.

Julie Waite (17:28)

Even though their intentions are in the right place. Yeah.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (17:50)

That's why I try and create that safe space and there's no requirement for any physical. We can watch it, I'll demonstrate it, show videos. But I'm not gonna, like the old boot camp, come on, get up in all this machoness. And I do think within our industry, ⁓ which was pointed out to me a couple of years ago, is there's a lot of trauma in our industry. People cover that up with black belts and ninja stuff and don't disrespect me because they've suffered trauma. ⁓

Julie Waite (18:02)

shouting at you, yeah.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (18:18)

When I was pointed out to him, was looking at myself going, ⁓ yeah, that explains why I did what I did because of my childhood trauma and I wanted to make sure I never went through that. So it has to be right for the people and there's so much more than a physical that we need to understand, we need to grasp and we need to implement rather than just relying on the physical because of how things really are.

Julie Waite (18:40)

Yeah. So that is the second truth that we wanted to share today, that real self-defence isn't about fighting and it's not martial arts. They are two different things. know, martial arts are ⁓ a sport, they're an art form. They are for people that want to train and get proficient in that and enjoy that kind of ⁓ physical activity. But that is not what self-defence is.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (18:57)

Yeah.

Julie Waite (19:09)

Real self-defence is about having the knowledge, skills, mindset, choices and a go-to simple response that anyone can use whether you're eight years old or you're 80 years old.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (19:19)

And it's dealing with reality.

Because you've got to deal reality because if it's not real and the reality which is uncomfortable and not nice know, it's like is is that gonna work? You know, it's like we're like, okay done a lot of my slots rhyme rely my boxing my kickboxing the tie boxing Okay. Well, what happens if I get my my drink spiked? That's gonna be irrelevant because I'm gonna you know I've had my drink spiked that causes all sorts of other issues and it's like I've been aware of drink spiking potentially if that happens you

Julie Waite (19:25)

Yeah. ⁓

Mm.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (19:52)

it's in my mind, it's in my understanding of my personal safety. Right, I need to be more aware of that. Okay, if that did happen, what do I do?

Julie Waite (19:56)

Hmm

Yeah. And we always say that self-defense is defense of the body and the mind. So we've talked a bit about the body there, the physical, and self-defense of the mind and the emotions are just as important, if not more so. And setting boundaries is such an important part of emotional self-defense. Why do you think setting boundaries is such an important...

thing for the LGBTQ community to kind of grasp and understand.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (20:38)

It's key because setting that out, there's no gray area for misinterpretation because people have a, excuse me, people have preconceived ideas, don't they?

because everyone's different, everyone's got a viewpoint, everyone have a different viewpoint of me because of their life or whatever or a topic or a subject. So people's perception is what you're dealing with. So you have to make sure you're very clear on your boundaries because people might assume things and assume an assumption isn't necessarily the truth. So it's like, okay, this is what I'm comfortable with. This is what I'm not. And somebody might go, well, I thought this.

Well, I thought that, oh, that's good. It's okay to think that, but now you know this, and I've told you and I'm clearing it, then there's no room for misunderstanding, gray area. Well, I thought this. So I think it's really clear. Just on the psychological side, body and mind, I know I share a story about I was in an abusive relationship, psychological, and pushed me to the point where I suicidal. I'm like, well, that was more damaging than any attack I've suffered.

So it's to realize that's so important to the psychological mind.

Julie Waite (21:53)

I think sometimes saying no can feel quite rude, it can feel also quite risky if you are nervous of speaking up for yourself or asking for the rights that you deserve. So there can be some fear and worries about that.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (22:09)

Yeah.

Yeah, definitely. And I think as well, when you say no, potentially could be conflict there, could be disagreement, be all kinds of pushback. And then I think if you're coming from a good place and you're a good person, then that's on the other person. Like I always say, if somebody acts a certain way and you're being nice about it or a decent person, then it's on them.

It's not on you, it's how they're going to interpret that process. If they see it as an attack or a pushback, then they still stand strong in your boundaries because that's them.

Julie Waite (22:37)

Yeah.

Yeah, it's hard though isn't it when you don't want conflict or you're nervous of conflict because of things that you might have experienced and gone through then it can feel really hard to say no and set those boundaries but when you do what you're doing is just you're really kind of saying yes to yourself and putting your own needs first which is absolutely 100 % acceptable and right thing to do.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (22:50)

Hmm. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think being aware of yourself and then also being aware of the other person, so their response and taking all that in rather than just the internal bit and going, okay, that person responded like that, okay. Well, I delivered, I said that in a nice way. I was quite open about that or, you know, because then that's.

when manipulation can come in, when people try and twist it around on you. And that's when you want to realize, ah, that person's being manipulative now, or gaslighting me, or misinterpreting I don't want to do that. And then somebody goes, oh, what, because you're scared? It's like, did I say I was scared? No, I just don't want to do that, thank you. You know, and how people twist it around on you. So it's being really aware of that, and then staying in control and going, no, I'm not scared, it's just that's

I'm not comfortable doing that.

Julie Waite (23:59)

Yeah, and that's in all areas of your life. It's with work, friendships, partners, know, groups, being out and wherever you're going out and about. It's really about knowing that if you can get more comfortable about setting boundaries, it helps you stay safer in a lot of different ways and it helps you build that self-respect and self-worth that we were talking about earlier as well.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (24:28)

I think also be prepared for people to, you might lose friends, people might distance from you, but it's all about you being happier, safer, setting your boundaries, and if people step back, then that's on them, isn't it?

Julie Waite (24:46)

Yeah. And then we often think of danger as being something that comes from strangers on the streets, which there obviously is that element there. We've heard all about that with hate crimes, with also just criminal activity. But actually statistics show that a lot of violence can go on behind closed doors. And the subject of domestic

abuse, domestic violence. It's still one of those taboo subjects, think, across all people, but particularly so in LGBTQ relationships.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (25:15)

Yeah. Yeah.

Julie Waite (25:31)

Do you have thoughts on that?

Dene - Streetwise Defence (25:32)

I don't think there's enough resources there to help that community. Also, I think there's not the understanding. What springs to mind is, I've been to two stop gender-based violence conferences, the 10-year plan.

should be 10 weeks in my opinion, but anyway. And one of the ladies from the LGBTQ plus community, very ⁓ academic, given statistics, which some of it I wasn't aware of at the time. And she shared a story about an older gentleman who came out as gay and he started dating a younger guy who was gay. The younger guy was very open about being gay. No, you know, didn't, he was very open about spoke about it.

The older guy, because he'd only just come out, and because he had a family before, and also because of his job, felt very, he wasn't as open as his partner was. And the younger partner used that against him, manipulated him through fear of his work finding out because he wanted to tell the work when it was right and appropriate, he wasn't comfortable yet. And also the fear of some family members finding out.

So the younger guy was using this against the older guy to manipulate him financially. Now it can work both ways, but it was like, oh wow, yeah, that's a dynamic I didn't really consider, you know, the younger guy and the older guy. yeah, I think, yeah, yeah.

Julie Waite (27:05)

There's lots of different dynamics, isn't there?

And I think what people need to understand is that, I guess there's this view that domestic abuse is a man, kind of like a football watching, beer drinking, drunk man who beats up his wife. That's like the traditional view of domestic abuse. But the reality is that

Dene - Streetwise Defence (27:20)

Stereotypic, yeah.

Julie Waite (27:33)

Domestic abuse is all about control and power and anyone can be the victim and anyone can be the perpetrator. Any gender, any age, any combination of any partnership. So I think it's just about knowing that and realizing that that actually statistically you're probably more likely.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (27:35)

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Julie Waite (28:01)

well you are more likely to experience violence from within a relationship or within like a family dynamic or from people known to you, for example friends, ⁓ work colleagues. it's just, I think the thing about self-defence is not to just think it's the stranger on

Dene - Streetwise Defence (28:11)

Yeah. Yeah.

Julie Waite (28:21)

the street, but to have an awareness that it can come from anyone and it can be the...

physical, it can also be the emotional as well.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (28:31)

Yeah,

definitely. Look at who you spend the most time with, which is family, friends, associates from work or whatever.

Julie Waite (28:39)

I think just to say on this subject, if you are concerned about a relationship, there is help out there. I know that Galop, the charity for the LGBT community, do a lot of really great work in this area and I'll link up their website, go and have a look at that. But just, you know, if you don't feel like contacting a support service,

Dene - Streetwise Defence (28:51)

Yeah.

Julie Waite (29:05)

just finding someone that you trust and starting to speak to them about it and just realising that if there's something happening in your relationship and you've asked your partner not to do it, you've explained to them why you don't like it and then they keep on doing that, then that is abuse.

I think sometimes people think it's not abuse until they're really hurting me but it is abuse if you've asked them to not do something, they continue to do it. So I just say, you know, get some support in that area.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (29:33)

Yeah,

definitely. I know we had a guy who went to Galop and yeah, he did one of our courses. Really nice guy, I spoke to him and he was like, wow, the support he got through Galop was amazing.

There's some really good resources out there. Ring and speak to them. Do it anonymously, however it works best for you. Get some advice, get some help, speak to other people that you trust and get that support. Hopefully that will give you different ideas of how you can handle situations and what options are open to you.

Julie Waite (30:06)

Yeah. So the fourth truth that we wanted to share today then is that violence doesn't just come from strangers, it can come from people closest to you and if it makes you feel scared, trapped, hurt, then it's time to really get some support for yourself. So before we wrap up, I just want to recap the four truths we shared because your safety matters just as much as anyone else's and I just want to be really...

clear about these points. So first, you are worth protecting. Your safety matters and you don't have to change who you

Dene - Streetwise Defence (30:43)

You

Julie Waite (30:43)

are to deserve it. Second, real self-defense isn't about fighting, it's about awareness, prevention, mindset and having the tools that work for your body, your identity and your experience. Third, boundaries are self-defense. Saying no, speaking up.

protecting your peace. These are powerful moves that don't require any physical strength. And fourth, it's not just strangers. Abuse can come from people closest to us, but it's never your fault and you're not alone. I just want to say if you did want to learn the basics of self-defense in a safe, supportive way, we have got a one-hour pre-recorded

Dene - Streetwise Defence (31:25)

You

Julie Waite (31:26)

online video course called Self-Defense Essentials.

It covers gut instinct, situational awareness, verbal de-escalation, and then there's some physical, some demonstrations of three physical moves that we recommend. And you'll actually even see me in the physical demos, trying them out on Dene. And when we did the filming for this, it was the first time I'd ever used them. So ⁓ it's just to show really that you don't, if you want to learn self-defense, you don't have to.

have someone, you can learn it through watching is what I'm trying to say. You don't have to kind of get pushed around and be wrestling on the floor with someone. You

Dene - Streetwise Defence (32:08)

You

Julie Waite (32:09)

can learn it once you know, once you see them and once you know them, you'll just, you will get it and you'll be like, yeah, of course that makes so much sense. But that is, that is like a really quick one hour course we developed. It's just £24 and we wanted to have something that gives our education like a taste of it to everyone. We also do group.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (32:09)

⁓

Julie Waite (32:30)

trainings for the LGBTQ plus community. We do them in person, we're doing them online. We've trained a group in Atlanta, in the States. We train people all over the country, trans groups, young people's groups. So if you are looking for a safe trauma informed space, we'd be very happy to talk to you. So get in touch with us.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (32:57)

Can

I just say as well, just from our side, if you're still listening to this and you've got any worries or concerns, let us know, because the more we can understand, the more we can help other people, So the more understanding we get, the better. And also, you don't have to be my fit, what a physical stuff.

Obviously, you know, if you like me, you know, you don't have to be like me. You don't have to have the physical ability like I, although I'm getting old and cranky, but it's to realize as well, we all have that physical ability to look after ourselves. So it's to try and dispel a lot of people's misconceptions, misunderstanding of, you know, what the physical is as well, which, but again, it's the lesson we'd want anyone to ever need or rely on.

Julie Waite (33:38)

Yeah, but once you've got that physical, once you know what to do and how to protect yourself, it just gives you that extra boost of confidence. Not that you're going to walk around thinking, I'm going to fight people now, because our training is all about avoiding that, but it's just knowing that you don't have to be physically strong. You don't have to be big to do this. Our kids know this, and they know how to protect themselves, and they're only little, but with the things that we teach, you...

Dene - Streetwise Defence (33:48)

Yeah, yeah, hope not. Yeah.

Julie Waite (34:06)

you really can have the confidence to protect yourself. We go into schools to teach this, we try and get it out there as far and wide as we can because it's a life skill and everyone

Dene - Streetwise Defence (34:16)

Yeah.

Julie Waite (34:17)

deserves to know it. It makes me bit sad actually that people don't know this stuff because it would really help them.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (34:18)

Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, imagine the impact. If everybody had a standard of training, if they had a real understanding of training of what real self-defense is in 2025, know, body and mind, and everyone had three or four hours of training, how much safer would everywhere be? There'd be less crime, less people manipulating people.

Julie Waite (34:30)

Yeah.

Mm.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (34:47)

potentially less abusive relationships because people are okay this is is abuse right I need to do something I need to change I need to do this and that it would be so much safer and it is a life skill yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I deserve this yeah yeah yeah yeah it's one of those isn't it it is a life skill yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah definitely

Julie Waite (34:55)

Yeah, instead of blaming themselves and thinking, this must be normal. This is my fault. I've done something. It's me. And it's like, yeah, it's just strong, but.

We could carry on for hours, but if there are other topics that you want us to cover, let us know and we'll do more podcast episodes on it.

Finally, just to say, if this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone that you think could benefit from it. And it's not just for people in the LGBTQ community, it's for anyone because the more people that know about this and that can then help because, you know...

we want to help, we want to be allies, we want to get more people to be involved and to be helping and supporting please do share this episode if you think it would help with someone and yeah.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (35:47)

Yeah, the more understanding we get, the better. ⁓

We understand each other more than the better understanding and yeah, it's just a good positive thing.

Julie Waite (35:55)

Yeah, sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is just remind ourselves that you're not alone and you are worth protecting and you are way more powerful than you believe. that's it for now. Stay safe and subscribe if you want to hear more content like this. And thank you.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (36:07)

Definitely.