Staying Safe on Dark Nights (Part 2): 7 Smart Ways to Feel Confident After Dark

In this episode, Julie and Dene continue their essential conversation about how to stay safe, calm, and confident during the darker months. If you haven’t listened to Part 1 yet, head to Episode 22 - this is the perfect follow-on.

In Part 2, we go deeper into seven practical areas that make a huge difference to your personal safety after dark - without living in fear.

You’ll learn:

• How to stay present and switched on
• Why criminals look for certain body language (and how to walk in a way that reduces risk instantly)
• How to keep in contact with someone when you’re out - and why it’s helpful even when it can’t prevent harm in the moment
• What intuition really is and how to recognise your internal warning signs
• How to look more confident on the street, protect valuables, and avoid common setups for muggings
• Why self-defence training is a life skill, not martial arts - and how it transforms confidence for women
• Supportive, empowering ways to talk to your kids, family, and friends about safety

Julie and Dene also share real stories, research, and mindset strategies to help you feel grounded rather than afraid when walking after dark.

If you want more guidance, we have lots of resources, blogs, and online courses designed to help you stay safe in everyday life - whether at work, at school, or out on the streets.

Visit www.streetwisedefence.com

And if you found this episode helpful, please share it - these tips could genuinely help someone feel safer tonight.

Want to feel safer, stronger, and more prepared?
Join our community of people taking back control of their safety - and get instant access to our free self defense and safety tip downloads.

👉 Head to Streetwise Defence to grab your free resources and start your journey today.

Chapters

• 0:20 Staying Present and Aware
• 6:07 The Importance of Communication
• 8:25 Trusting Your Instincts
• 11:25 Projecting Confidence in Public
• 20:38 Learning Self-Defense as Empowerment

Transcript

Julie Waite (00:01)

Hi and welcome back to part 2 of our episode on how to stay safe and the darker nights. If you haven't heard part 1, check out episode 22 of our podcast. Just head over to streetwisedefence.com and I hope you enjoy part 2 of the episode.

Julie Waite (00:19)

So the third area I wanted to look at was about staying present and being switched on. Can you explain what we mean about being switched on because we do talk about this a lot?

Dene - Streetwise Defence (00:29)

being present in that environment, meaning you're observant to where you are, who's around you, you're taking it all in, you're submerged in the environment rather than being distracted on a phone, ⁓ headphones on, things like that that can distract you from what's going on around you as well. Also, know, like with headphones, you you're taking away one of your main sensors. Yes, I realise some people say I wear them because I don't want to talk to other people or engage with them. Okay, fine.

just be wary that, you know, does that help or hinder you? Being plugged into what's going on around you is a big thing because if there is a bad person or bad people out there looking for a potential target or victim, whatever you want to call that, then they're going to look for people that aren't present that are distracted, that are not paying attention because it can create an opportunity.

I was asked the other day, how do I use my phone when I'm in London? I'm like, okay, well, before I go out on the street, if I'm in a hotel, look at my phone, I go, okay, I'm gonna go out, turn right, I'm gonna go two streets down, turn left. When I get there, I pause, I glance around to see who's around me, where they are in relationship to me, what's around me, I, know, kind of put my back up against the and then I make sure I'm comfortable, I take my phone out, I look.

glance around, so I'm kinda like, I need to go two more streets, another left and then a right, put my phone away. So just that little bit of being observant is gonna deter or it's gonna put me not on as high on the list of somebody to maybe target because I'm actually glancing, I'm understand like a 360 of what's going on around me. So yeah, definitely being present to who's around you and how that's always changing and okay.

you know, if somebody's suddenly close on distance down on me, I'm like, okay, how can I, do I look at them and go, okay, maybe they're in a rush, they've got a briefcase or something and you know, they're looking for the bus. So it's to understand what people are doing around you and how that affects you or is that anything you need to pay attention to because you might be in danger.

Julie Waite (02:36)

Yeah, I think the thing, like you said, it's about

if you are present, you

should have advanced warning of things that are going on around you. Whereas if you've got your headphones on and you're looking down at your phone, you could very easily find yourself ambushed because you haven't noticed that someone has come up behind you or someone's been watching you, you know, from across the road or whatever. And you see this all the time. This, you know, phone snatchings is like a prime

Dene - Streetwise Defence (03:08)

Yeah, Yeah.

Julie Waite (03:09)

area for this. You see it all the time.

someone walking along and they don't realise it's happened until the phone is gone because they were too busy looking down at the phone. yeah, I'd definitely say that, especially when you're out in the dark. I know a lot of people want headphones on when they're going jogging and I do understand that.

but you just can't hear what's happening around you when you've got the headphones on. So even when you've

got your hood up in the rain or something, I had this ⁓ last year when I was out and I had my hood up and I didn't hear a jogger coming up behind me and this guy come right up close behind me and then went around me but like just within inches. I didn't hear cause I had my hood up.

absolutely frighten the life out of me, frighten the life out of my dog who leapt about two foot into the air and barked at him and I just think it is one of your most important senses to hear what is happening around you.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (04:05)

You

Yeah, I if you look at how you are and you've got a hood up, that blocks out your peripheral vision. As you stand there, as I stand there, I can't focus on, but I can see like a 180. If I turn my head a little bit, I can, know, if I just turn my head, can nearly get a 360. So it's that.

Julie Waite (04:19)

Mm.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (04:33)

understanding what we have that really works for us. Like you said about phones, a thing as well, if you've got your phone out at night and you're looking down on your phone like that, that's quite bright and then you look up and it's darker. It's gonna take your eyes time to adjust and stuff so you kind of go from that blinding look around and you're like, your eyes gotta adjust. I'm sure we've all done it where it's been dark, you put a light on and you're like, ⁓ I can't, it takes you a bit to tune in. So being in tune with.

Julie Waite (04:46)

Yeah.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (04:59)

the environment rather than distracted as well with this. So many companies that I go to, the other day at the company and they're saying, oh yeah, we've had phones snatched outside the offices. And I was where I was, I was like, really? I'm like, because people aren't present or they're not, know, even just a little walking out and going, okay, if I'm going to look at my phone, where's the best place to stand? I could potentially, you know, stand behind some railing where I've got that bit safe and I won't have to worry about this bit. It surprised me because I'm like,

that's people who are submerged in the phone for whatever reasons, know, that's to them. But they've had people going past on electric scooters, people running past and grabbing them. You know, you can imagine you're doing something and somebody grabs it it's gone. You know, and if they're running it or on a scooter, you're not gonna catch them. And again, if you did go and catch them, you could be, you know, are they gonna just go, I'm sorry, here's your phone back or they're gonna be turned around and, know,

Julie Waite (05:44)

Yeah.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (05:58)

physical violence towards you. So it's that just being present and tuned in.

Julie Waite (06:00)

Yeah.

Definitely. Then the fourth section we talk about is to keep in contact. So again, we mentioned earlier, there's not really a huge amount someone can do if you are out and then you don't check in or something happens, but it is helpful just to let someone know if you're going out so that you can say, right, I'm leaving now.

I'll be back in half an hour. Maybe they can watch your route. I don't know. I'm not convinced that this really helps a lot, ⁓ you might as well do it. I don't know what your views are on this. ⁓

Dene - Streetwise Defence (06:38)

Yeah, ⁓ yeah,

it's worth doing. ⁓ I saw a little bit clip of a film yesterday and it was interesting because this woman rang the local sheriff up, it was like two o'clock in the morning and the woman rang the sheriff up because the guy who delivered the milk had never missed an early morning delivery, never, he just didn't do it, he was very professional and he's got the...

Sheriff was going, why have you ragged me? She's like, no, he never misses it. There's something wrong. And then he sent deputies out to check up on him and everything. And I thought, yeah, it's a good thing to do, especially if, you I'm going to be there at that time, you know, and you can check in. Okay, they're there. If they're not there and somebody checks in, then somebody's aware, at least somebody can do something, you know, they can go looking, they can bring family members to their friends, get their police involved. So I think it is a good thing to do.

but it's not a 100 % sale face. Like I said earlier, they've got to have time to come and help you. But I think it's important checking in.

Julie Waite (07:43)

Yeah,

it's whether it would help. I think my thinking was would it help you in the moment if someone tried to attack you? No, but it might help them, I don't know, find you.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (07:57)

Yeah,

it's like me, still, when I go away and I still check in with my mum, you know, and I always will because she's awesome. But it's just to reassure her, you know, are you going down to London? say, yeah, you know, or let me know you get there safe, you know, and my mum can't do anything if anything happened. But I know if I didn't check in, she's going to ring me. If she didn't get hold of me, potentially she might ring somebody else, you know, so it's, I think it's a good thing.

Julie Waite (08:03)

Yeah.

you

Yeah. The fifth thing is about trust in your gut, which we talk about all the time and is just so important in situations when you're out and about. If you get an off feeling, you really need to listen to that. Can you explain a little bit just briefly about, you know, why we should listen to that?

Dene - Streetwise Defence (08:46)

I watched something the other day, which I've only just started watching the beginning bit and it was fascinating because the expert on there was saying that our intuition within three hundredth of a second, we've made an assumption, a judgment, a you've processed that person in front of you or around you. And I thought, wow, that's how quick your gut instinct is. You you can't stop it. It's there. That's why you get that sense, feeling, you you're uncomfortable. And it's one of those ones that's inbuilt in us.

you know, it is like your superpower, it is your second brain as we always go on about and it's there to detect potential dangers or threats early. So I think it's important to try and listen to it more, plug into it and realise the value of it because it's there for a reason.

Julie Waite (09:34)

Yeah, it's, you're able to, without even knowing it, your body is able to assess and detect just tiny, tiny things that are weird or out of place or the energy of someone. ⁓ And then you get that feeling that might be feeling like you're a bit sick. You might get a feeling of dread, like you might get goosebumps.

It's about finding like what how it shows up for you It might be a tightness in the chest how it shows up for you how you can start listening to it and then never ever Ignore it and never tell yourself you've been silly and it's about acting then quickly, you know assessing your situation and acting quickly rather than going it'll be alright. It's probably nothing. I'll just keep going You know, I'm sure it'll be fine

Dene - Streetwise Defence (10:15)

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, and investigating it, why have I suddenly got that? What's changed around me? What's gone on in my environment situation that's, something's changed and it's given me that feeling. Exploring it and then looking at it objectively and going, okay, is that a threat to me? Is that a danger or is that just me? Yeah, okay, I thought it was, but it wasn't.

you know, trusting it and investigating it. And like I always say, to people we train is you've got to put that first, you've got to put your personal safety first. The body does that for a reason. So don't dismiss it, don't poo poo it or I'm being paranoid, just investigate it and then look at it logically and go, okay, is that a worry? Is that a concern? Is that a threat? And then act on it.

Julie Waite (10:47)

Yeah.

Yeah.

And if you want, we have got a whole episode on what to do if you're being followed. So take a look at that if you want to know what choices and options you've got, you, if you do find yourself being followed. So the sixth section that we're to look at is about being streetwise. So how you can look more confident, what you can do to just be safer on the streets. Can you talk us through a bit about that?

Dene - Streetwise Defence (11:41)

Yeah, I think your big one is how you present yourself.

you know, and again, always understanding what you're doing, where you're going, your environment. did a, Grayson and Stein, 1981, they did a study. They asked convicted criminals to view video footage of pedestrians and who they would target. And it was down to, it wasn't age, gender, race. ⁓ It was down to body language, how people walked, how they held themselves.

if they shuffled along, if they were actually paying attention to what's going on around or were they distracted. And that was the factor in who they would target. So being switched on, like we said earlier, being plugged in over who and what's going on around you is a massive thing. Definitely.

Julie Waite (12:31)

Yeah. They were looking for people that didn't

look confident, weren't they? They were looking for people that, you know, looked nervous or like...

Dene - Streetwise Defence (12:37)

Hmm.

Julie Waite (12:44)

weary of the world and kind of scared, I guess, vulnerable. The people that were walking tall, confidently taking big strides, head up, shoulders back, they didn't pick those people. they were all, across this range of criminals, they were all picking the same people. So

Dene - Streetwise Defence (12:49)

Yeah. I think.

Julie Waite (13:05)

it kind of shows that they're looking, it comes back to they're looking for someone, an easy target, unfortunately.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (13:09)

Yeah, because

they don't want, normally they don't want anyone to resist, they want easy targets because they don't want to get caught, they don't want to get hurt. So somebody who looks like they could pose them a potential problem could and probably would in the majority of cases put them off. ⁓ It's easy to say just walk with confidence and that it's something you might have to

Julie Waite (13:29)

Mm.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (13:34)

be more aware of it and look at analyze yourself a bit again looking at yourself to go okay how do I present myself what can I do to change that you know and you know I get it it's easy for me to say well walk with confidence because I'm a big bloke and that but it's looking at it for yourselves and going okay how can I be more confident how can how I'm actually walking around now and it might take time might take practice and I think that's back to I think that

Julie Waite (13:43)

Mm.

Yeah.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (14:01)

potentially might stem from, you know, self-worth, you know, the fact that you are worthy of protecting physically and emotionally and standing in that self-worth. Like I always say, if you're worried about upsetting other people more than your safety, you've got to put yourself first. So it's just a bit of a self-realization, self-analyzing, if you like, to see, okay, how do I actually do present myself to the world? How can I change that? And it might take time.

Julie Waite (14:31)

Yeah, and you can change this, but like you said, you do need to be aware of it and you need to think about it. And as parents as well, we can help our kids with this. And this is something that, it's something actually that my dad used to say to me and I now say to my kids when we go out, is...

Dene - Streetwise Defence (14:36)

Where? you

Julie Waite (14:52)

Sometimes if you're out and you might, for example, if you're out with your teenage kids or even younger kids and you see a group ahead of you that might look a bit intimidating, a group of like guys or older kids, you... ⁓

there's like a natural instinct to want to kind of hide a bit, to look down, to put your head down, to kind of make yourself shrink almost so that, you know, there must be something within you that thinks, if I hide, they won't see me, but, you know, they are gonna see you. certainly when I've been out and about with my kids, if...

Dene - Streetwise Defence (15:17)

You

Yeah.

Julie Waite (15:27)

if we find ourselves walking along in a situation like that and I've noticed them doing that and I have noticed them put their head down

Dene - Streetwise Defence (15:32)

you

Julie Waite (15:34)

I've just kind of under my breath just said to them relax, stand tall, put your head up look straight ahead, just look through them you know don't have to look arrogant or anything like that but it's helping them know that

In doing that, you look more confident and then you're less likely to get picked on by these other kids or whoever it is. And it's just something that I remember my dad always used to say to me, stand up tall, walk tall, put your shoulders back. And you can change how you do that, but it does go against what you feel like you should do in some situations.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (15:55)

Yeah. you

Yeah, I think that's a natural thing. You're making yourself smaller so you appear not threatening because if it's a larger, it's kind of very animalistic how we are, isn't it, as humans. It's very back to the basic stuff, isn't it? You make yourself appear smaller so you don't appear like you're a threat or, know, just, I'll just pass by and I'm no danger to you. You know, I find myself doing that in certain situations and that's...

probably because you know, if I'm bigger than somebody else, I kind of realize that so I'm naturally trying to make myself a bit smaller to hopefully make them feel more at ease. But yeah, it's kind of like a natural thing. The more you are aware of you doing it, the more chance you have of realizing and potentially doing things a little bit different. But I get it's not easy. It's not easy for some people because you know, we're all very different and unique, aren't we?

Julie Waite (17:00)

No.

Yeah.

And there's some other things you can do as well, things like walking on the side so that you're facing oncoming traffic so that a car can't then come up behind you and start crawling along behind you. Things like keeping any valuables like your phone, anything like that out of sight. If you have got things like designer handbags, I guess it depends where you are, what you're doing. You might wanna have, you know, if you're going through an area where you don't feel particularly safe, if you've got, then, you

like a shopping bag or tote bag or something you can put that within. Again, similar with watch theft, know, luxury watch theft is a big problem in London. So it's just a case of thinking about what you've got on your person and then trying to make sure that you take some precautions depending on where you are and what you're doing.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (17:59)

I think it's a difficult question if you look to yourself and go why would somebody if I'm out and about

know, a commute between walking around, why would somebody attack me? What? How am I presenting? You know, and you can change that perception if you like, especially like with wealth that some people wear, you know, I get it and you should be proud of that, but is it appropriate or is that I spoke to something, I to somebody the other day and

this gentleman knew another gentleman who's in London a lot and he's like, he was going, he's got these really expensive, super expensive watches. And what the guy's done is he's got fake ones. said they're really good fake ones, but the fake ones, he's not bothered about getting his watch stolen. I'm just like, really? It might not just be his watch that's stolen. He might get seriously hurt, especially if they think it's what it is. It's not like having the other laugh because, I got

got mugged and they got a fake watch it's like okay what happened to you the trauma the or the other elements that go with it that he hadn't really thought about you know and i'm like to be honest i don't see the difference in wearing a fake watch that looks 100 000 to the real thing because the bad people aren't going to go that's a fake one i don't want it they're just going to see whatever and and they're going to act on that so i kind of question it to go was is that really a smart thing to do i have a fake one

Julie Waite (19:25)

You're still gonna get mugged and potentially whatever, you don't know if it's gonna be a violent mugging or not, you?

Dene - Streetwise Defence (19:28)

Yeah, yeah, yeah,

massive, you you don't know the other person's state of mind, what the motive is, what they're prepared to do. And also imagine, it's like the wallet thing, I always say, you know, someone said to me once, I have a spare wallet and I put a note in there, like, you know, to sort of, you know, stole my wallet, but you got nothing from me. I'm like, really? What about if that person...

gets that wallet and you've got a note in there being a bit clever and then they come back and go, oh, you think you're clever, right? I'm not bothered about the wallet now. So, you know, all right, just leave a five or a 10 in it. At least they've got something and yeah, it's shouldn't have to, but it's kind of like, is that wiser? You know, or are they going to come back and take a grudge against you because you've put a note in the wallet going, yeah, it's not you. Or they've got a fake watch.

Julie Waite (20:12)

you

Dene - Streetwise Defence (20:25)

you think you're clever now. So.

Julie Waite (20:28)

And on that subject, have got an episode as well about what to do if you ever mugged. So that's something else you can go and have a look at. So the last area we're gonna look at, seventh thing is learning self-defense, which for me,

Dene - Streetwise Defence (20:44)

Mm-hmm.

Julie Waite (20:47)

As you know, I know you've known this stuff a very long time, Dene, but for me, as someone who's learnt this in the last kind of six years, it makes a big difference in how you feel when you know you've got some simple strategies, some simple things that you can do to protect yourself. It doesn't mean that I ever want to get into that kind of a situation, you know, I want to avoid it even more, but...

when you know that you can feel a lot more confident rather than walking along like a lot of women say, I walk along and I'm grabbing my keys, I've got my keys between my knuckles like Wolverine because that's the only thing I can think of that I might be able to do to protect myself. ⁓

think you have a lot more fear if you have no idea like if you can't answer the question what would I do physically if someone tried to attack me if you can't answer that question you're gonna have a lot more fear than if you're like okay I know what I'm gonna do and I've got the mindset behind it that I know what I'm gonna do I'm gonna do it and you know I'm gonna protect myself so I you know I don't know what you kind of views on that

Dene - Streetwise Defence (22:02)

Yeah.

Yeah, no, it's so for the women listening or watching this, look at your history. know, a real good female instructor said to me one time about women's role in combat. And I always say this to group sessions or, whoever I'm talking to or training, look at your history. Women are warriors. We are equals. know, women have led us into battle. You know, you just talk to a good mom with children and you go, well, that's a mom-a-lioness.

I'm a warrior, you know, look at the history of women in the role they've played in combat, you know, and you are warriors. And I think looking at mindset is a big thing. Looking at self-worth, looking at your abilities, looking at what skills you've already got that you might not realize and plug into a deeper level. Investing in yourself. I think self-defense is one of those things that people think they get it within an hour.

It's like, it's a skill set like driving a car, learning how to cook, learning how to look after yourself. This is another one of those skills set that you invest some good time in this and it will pay you back tenfold. Also, you know, I look at it now and how we can relay that to our kids, other people's kids, other people we know about,

So it's all about expanding your knowledge. You know, these people are doing these horrific, horrible things. You know, they've got a ⁓ certain skill set, if you like, a bad skill set. So we've got to raise our skill set up as well to, you know, put us at

with a greater capability of staying safe physically and emotionally as well. And like you said there, once you learn this, the last thing you want to do is be physical because you understand there's all this good stuff before and the physical isn't what the physical most people think it is. And again, it's, you know, most people seem to be focused on the physical when for me, the smartest stuff is before it gets to that stage. Yeah, you got to look at the physical because, you know, if you need that, you need that. But there's all this other stuff before, it's so much more powerful.

But we have to be realistic and go, as a woman warrior, what's your physical capabilities? Well, they're equal to men's, ⁓ you know, and it's learning them to answer the questions, give you the reality of what it really is to what most people think it is, and that time invested for you and how that can benefit other people around you as well.

Julie Waite (24:12)

Yeah.

Yeah, and if you do want to learn self-defense, we've got lots of different ways that you can learn this. We have tried really, really hard to make sure that...

Wherever you are, whoever you are, there is a way that you can learn self-defense and also like whatever budget you've got as well because this to us is a life skill that everyone should have. So if you are in a business, Dene can come into the business and do training sessions, anything from a one hour lunch and learn up to half or full day sessions.

If you're in a school, we're going to plenty of schools and do training as part of enrichment days as part of the PSHE curriculum.

If you're a community group, we travel to community groups and do that. We do private sessions for families and you can go online. We've got online courses that start from as little as £24. So you really can take back your power and learn how to protect yourself. And I would just really strongly recommend that if you, like I said, if you can't answer that question, what would I do if someone attacked me?

Dene - Streetwise Defence (25:41)

you

Julie Waite (25:52)

get some answers to that and it's not about learning martial arts

that's completely different to self-defense what we do isn't martial arts you don't need to be scared of it you don't need to think that you're going to have to practice for years and years on end it's accessible to everyone so just take a look at the website StreetwiseDefence.com and there's loads of different options there to learn ⁓

Dene - Streetwise Defence (26:16)

Yeah,

put yourself in there, I'd say top 5 % because most people don't get this topic. They don't understand it. They focus on

the wrong elements of this ⁓ and we focus on it all as a ⁓ prevention, the standing awareness, avoidance to the physical as well. And I've got to say it, the women's online course is awesome because Julie took the time to really go back into that and give it that personal touch. She's there every day holding your hand, walking you through it all as well. Yes, there's elements of me on there as well, obviously. ⁓ wow, yeah, it's...

Julie Waite (26:26)

Mm.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (26:53)

so good because it's the step-by-step process, you know, that you get a woman as well who's talking you through it as well. So, you know, I'm very grateful for you, Julie, for doing that because you just took it to another level, which I think is important. You know, I understand, you know, men keep doing self-defense, you know, ⁓ and all women that sort of kind of embrace this as well. I think it's more powerful because then all the women I hope will realize it's a skill that everyone can attain.

everyone can understand and it's just that invested time to learn and giving yourself that time and permission that you are worth defending physically and emotionally and yeah, you've got everything you need.

Julie Waite (27:35)

Yeah, definitely. So we hope that those tips were helpful to you. And it's really about remembering that the dark isn't something to fear. It's just another environment that you need to figure out how to navigate through. And once you start to think about the different elements that we've talked about today, you can really do that much more confidently. So you don't have to go out being

really scared that's a horrible state for anyone to be in

And that's what we're all about. We do not want people to be living in fear. have a think about how you navigate the world. Have a think about all the different things that we've talked about today. We've got loads of resources online. We've got loads of different blog episodes. We've got loads of different podcasts rather. We've got a blog on staying safe in the dark as well. So if you head over to streetwisedefence.com, you can find lots of free content and all of our online courses as well.

and until next time, stay safe.

Dene - Streetwise Defence (28:41)

Can I just say, get some conversation, get some good conversations going with family members, your daughters, your aunties, your sisters, get some good chats going on. Where are they at?

What knowledge can you share and discuss and expand on, get some conversations going?

Julie Waite (28:56)

Yeah, definitely. Yeah, I didn't say actually share this with people as well because you know these tips could really help people stay safer.