The Strange Thing About Being Seen / Episode 54

Have you ever discovered that someone has been paying attention to you for much longer than you realized?

Maybe they remember a conversation you forgot. Maybe they’ve been following your work for years without ever saying a word. Maybe they bring up something you posted months ago and suddenly you’re left wondering, “Wait… you’ve been watching this whole time?”

In this episode, Iris explores the unexpected reality of visibility, the quiet followers we never notice, and why being seen can feel both validating and uncomfortable at the same time. She talks about criticism, internet trolls, family dynamics, creator life, and the emotional cost of putting yourself out into the world.

Because the truth is, being noticed doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong. Sometimes it means you’re finally making an impact.

If you’ve ever felt judged, misunderstood, criticized, or afraid to show up fully as yourself, this episode is for you.

Because the strange thing about being seen is realizing you were never as invisible as you thought you were.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Let's piss some people off. Have you ever found out that somebody has been paying attention to you for a lot longer than you realized? Maybe it's someone who tells you they've been following your work for years. Maybe it's someone who remembers a conversation that you completely forgot about. Maybe it's someone who brings up something you posted a month ago and suddenly you're standing there wondering, wait, you've been watching this whole time. I've been thinking about that a lot lately, not because something huge happened. Actually, it's been quite the opposite. It's been a series of small moments that by themselves don't seem all that important, but when you start putting them together, they paint a very different picture. Hi and welcome back to I Am Spies the podcast. I'm your host, Spice. If you come across this video, please share with somebody that you feel that needs to hear it. Um after last episode, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to talk about next. If you listen to episode 53, I talked about realizing that the person who left isn't the same person who came back. I talked about Puerto Rico, I talked about the podcast anniversary, I talked about the studio, I talked about finally acknowledging things that have been sitting right in front of me for a long time. And I honestly thought this episode was going to continue down that road. I thought it was going to be about recognizing growth. I thought it was going to be about appreciating how far I've come. But over the last week, something else kept catching my attention, and that is people. Not the loud people, but the quiet ones. The ones who have apparently been paying attention the whole entire time without me realizing it. One of the strange things about creating content is that we tend to judge everything based on what we can see. We're always looking at analytics. So we see views, we see likes, we see comments, we see shares, we see followers. Those are the obvious things that a content creator can see. But what we don't see are the people behind those numbers. We don't see the person who watches every video but never leaves a comment. We don't see the person who listens to every podcast episode while driving to work. We don't see the person who quietly shares our content with a friend. And we don't see the person who has been following along for months but never says a word. And then every once in a while somebody reveals themselves. Whether it's you just see them at the supermarket or anywhere you go, and they send a message, just stop you somewhere. They mention something you talked about six months ago, and you're like, but she never liked it. Like they tell you they've been listening, they tell you they've been watching, and you're left sitting there wondering like how many people are out there that you've never even thought about that are actually looking at you, watching you. Puerto Rico was full of moments like that. Throughout those two weeks that I was there, about two weeks. People were reacting to me in ways that genuinely surprised me, not because they were saying anything outrageous, but because it became obvious that people were seeing things that I wasn't necessarily seeing myself. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how often that happens. We spend so much time looking at ourselves from the inside that we forget that other people are looking at us from the outside. We are carrying our doubts, we're carrying our insecurities, we are carrying all the unfinished projects, the mistakes, the things we wish we were doing better, the goals we haven't reached. That meanwhile, other people are interacting with the version of us standing right in front of them, and sometimes those two perspectives look completely different. This week I had a comment on one of my videos that made me laugh. It was gonna sus. A woman asked me why my nails are so long. Now, if you've been following me for any amount of time, you know I've had long nails like forever. They're not exactly new, so I answered her. I told her that I'd reached the age where I do things because I enjoy them, not because they made sense to everybody else, because they don't have to. To me, that was simple enough of an answer. Then the conversation took a turn. She replied and told me I was full of it and that I talked in circles. And honestly, I wasn't upset about it. I was just like, hmm. If anything, it made me stop and think. Because here I was focusing on the message in this video. She was focused on my nails. I was thinking about one thing, and she was thinking about something completely different. And that's when it really hit me. The more visible you become, the less control you have over what people notice about you. You can spend 10 minutes talking about something meaningful and somebody notices your nails. Somebody else notices your accent. Somebody else notices your hair. Somebody else notices the background. Somebody else notices your confidence. Somebody else notices your insecurities. Everybody walks away with a different version of the same interaction. And honestly, that's not just social media. That's a life. Like, think about it. How many times have you left the conversation remembering one thing while the other person remembers something completely different? Their takeaway was totally different. How many times have you been focused on one aspect of yourself while everybody around you was focused on something else entirely? I think that's part of what I've been experiencing lately. Not just online, but honestly everywhere. The podcast, my podcast, I inspired the podcast, turned one year old two weeks ago. My studio is finally real. The books are real, the businesses are real. The things I've spent years building are real. And while I'm standing here looking at everything, that still needs work. Other people are looking at things that already exist. They're looking at accomplishments, my accomplishments, and I am still looking at unfinished projects, they're looking at progress, I'm looking at the distance. I still have left to travel. Neither perspective is wrong. They're just different. And maybe that's why the last few weeks have felt so strange. Because for a long time, I think I've been underestimating how many people were paying attention. And not in an ego way, not in a celebrity way, just in a human way. People watch, people observe, people notice. Sometimes they tell you, most of the time they don't. For every person willing to leave a comment, there are probably dozen more who never will. For every person willing to send a message, there are probably others who won't. For every person who introduces themselves, there are people who quietly continue on with their day, and they don't feel like they have to tell you anything. They just watch you. We only hear from a small percentage of the people who cross paths with us. The rest they remain invisible. And maybe that's what I've been realizing lately. Not that more people are watching, not that I've somehow become different overnight because I have not. But that there are probably always been have probably have always been more people paying attention than I realized. Some people are rooting for you quietly, some people are learning from you quietly, some people are criticizing you quietly, some people are misunderstanding you quietly, some people are inspired by you quietly, and most of the time you'll never know which is which. Being seen and being understood are not the same thing. Some people will understand exactly what you're trying to say, some people won't. Some people will connect with your message, some people will focus on your nails, some people will see your heart, some people will see something else entirely, and that's okay.

unknown 10:14

That's okay.

SPEAKER_00 10:16

Because at the end of the day, people don't experience us as we are, they experience us through the lens of their own lives, their own opinions, and their own experiences. The strange thing about being seen is that everybody sees something different. You can't control that. And maybe that's been the lesson hiding in all these little moments lately. Not that everybody understands me, because I know they don't. Come on. I'm complex. Not that everybody agrees with me, not that everybody sees the same version of me that I wish they could see. Just that there are far more people paying attention than we realize, and whether they stay silent, they speak up, support us, criticize us, or simply keep scrolling. They're all reminders of something very simple. None of us are invisible, are as invisible as we think we are. I'll see you guys in the next time. Stay unfiltered, stay unapologetic, stay unstoppable. I love you bunches. We're unfiltered, unapologetic, and unstoppable.