When People Only Know the Old Version of You / Episode 56

Have you ever been told…

“You’ve changed.”

For many of us, those words used to feel like criticism.

But what if they’re actually evidence that your healing is working?

In this episode, we’re talking about why growth makes some people uncomfortable, how healing changes your standards, and why you don’t owe anyone the version of yourself that survived.

We’ll discuss:

• Why people only notice your growth when it affects them

• The difference between familiarity and genuine love

• How healing changes your boundaries

• Why self-respect is often mistaken for arrogance

• Learning to honor your past without living there

• Letting people remember the old version of you while continuing to become someone new

This episode also marks a personal milestone as I record from my completed podcast studio for the very first time. Thank you for being part of this journey and for growing alongside me.

If this episode resonates with you, please follow the podcast, leave a rating or review, and share it with someone who needs this reminder today.

You don’t owe anyone the old version of yourself.

You owe yourself the freedom to become who you were always meant to be.

I Am Spice — The Podcast

Unfiltered • Unapologetic • Unstoppable

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Let's piss some people off. Have you ever had someone look at you and say you've changed? Maybe they didn't even mean it as a compliment. Maybe they said it with disappointment, frustration, or almost like they were hoping the old version of you would come back. For a long time, hearing those words used to make me question myself. I'd wonder, am I selfish? Am I being too distant? Am I losing who I used to be? Those questions lived in my head for a long time. But now I hear those same words very differently. Because I hope I've changed. Slowly build the little studio one piece at a time. I'm still getting used to it. Well, today is a really special day for me because this is the very first episode I'm recording, but everything finally working the way I imagined. And let me tell you, getting here was definitely a process. There were cables everywhere. There's still cables everywhere. There's things that I didn't know how to work the first time or the second or even the tenth time. There were moments when I felt frustrated. But every challenge taught me something. Every little improvement reminded me why I started this podcast in the first place. I know this setup won't stay exactly the same it is. I'll keep learning, I'll keep improving. Hopefully, every episode will sound better than the last. I made a promise to myself that I wasn't going to wait for perfection before I started creating. So if today's episode sounds a little different, it's another milestone that I've overcome in this journey. And honestly, I couldn't think of a better episode to celebrate this with than this one that is about becoming the best version of yourself. So thank you for being here. Thank you for growing with me. And now let's talk about something almost all of us experience once we begin to grow. People usually don't notice your changing until your change affects them. Nobody complains while you're quick quietly working on yourself. Nobody says anything while you're reading the books. Going to therapy, setting goals, or spending nights questioning everything about your life while you're doing the hard work behind the scenes, most people don't even notice it's happening. The reaction usually comes later. It comes the first time you say no. The first time you stop chasing someone, the first time you stop explaining yourself, the first time you choose peace instead of proving a point. That's when people suddenly notice you've changed. Not because you became someone new, but because they no longer benefit from the old version of you. Now, we confuse familiarity with love. One of the hardest lessons I've learned is that sometimes people aren't attached to us. They're attached to who we used to be. They're attached to the version that never had boundaries, answered every phone call, apologized every even when we you know we wasn't she wasn't wrong, accepted less than she deserved because she didn't fully believe she deserved more. When that version disappears, not because you become difficult, but because you've become unavailable for the behaviors you used to tolerate. Sometimes people who say you've been you've changed are grieving the loss of you. They're grieving the loss of the version of you that made their life easier. Healing changes your standard. It isn't just about feeling happier. Healing changes what you allow, what you entertain, what you chase, and what you're finally willing to walk away from. As you heal, your priorities shift without you even realizing it. The conversations you want once begged for, you no longer need. The validation you spent years searching for, you slowly learn to give yourself. And the situations you once stayed in because you were afraid of being alone, you begin to recognize as places you've been you've already now grown. Some people will look at that and call it arrogance. I've had that happen to me. They'll say you become cold, distant, or full of yourself because the difference between believing you're better than someone else and finally believing you're worthy of being treated with love, kindness, and respect. I don't call that arrogance. I call it self-respect. Now, you're also allowed to outgrow old versions of yourself. I think one of the hardest parts about healing is that it forces you to say goodbye to someone you've known your entire life who is yourself. Sometimes we feel guilty because we remember who we used to be. We remember the people we love, the mistakes we made, the dreams we gave up on, and all the ways we abandoned ourselves just to keep everyone else comfortable. Listen to that again. We almost feel obligated to stay that same person because she's familiar. Even if she wasn't happy, at least we knew who she was. Familiarity can feel safer than growth, even when it keeps us stuck. But growth asks something different of us, it asks us to let go of identities that no longer sell us. Not because that version wasn't you, she got you here, she needed you to survive, and because of her, you're still standing today. Honor her, love her, thank her, but don't spend the rest of your life trying to become someone you've already grown because survival was never meant to become your permanent identity. At some point, surviving has to become living. Now let people remember you however they choose. This has become one of the most freeing realizations in my own life, which I've struggled with. You cannot control the version of yourself that lives inside someone else's memory. Every person you've ever met experienced a different version of you based on who you were and where both of you were in life at that moment. Some people will always remember you as quiet, others will remember you as loud, some will remember you as broken, while others will only know the healed version of you. None of those memories are wrong. But none of them go get to define who you are today. The only person who has to wake up every morning and live your life, it's you. So stop exhausting yourself and trying to convince everyone that you've changed. The people who are willing to see it will see it. The people who aren't, they just won't. Either way, keep becoming because eventually your life will speak louder than your explanations explanations ever could. Pause for a second and ask yourself, would I really want to go back to the version of me that accepted less, feared more, dotted herself constantly and apologized for taking up space. If your answer is no, then smile. Because your healing is showing, your boundaries are showing, your confidence is showing, and that's something to be proud of. Thank you so much for spending this time with me today. If this conversation resonated with you, share with someone who may be struggling to let go of an old version of themselves. Don't forget to subscribe or follow the podcast so you never miss an episode. And if your platform allows it, I truly appreciate it if you left a rating or review. Every single one helps these conversations reach someone who may need them. Until the next time, remember this. You don't owe anyone else the old version of yourself. You owe yourself the freedom to become the person you were always meant to be. This is I Am Spies, the podcast, and as always, stay unfiltered, stay unapologetic, stay unstoppable. I love you bunches, guys. That's sad.