NextGen on Elevate Springfield with Ellie Ferriell: Elevating Through the Power of Accountability

Summary

In this conversation, Ellie and Robert explore the concept of accountability, contrasting it with blame. They discuss the importance of taking responsibility for both successes and failures, the nuances of communication, and the impact of accountability on relationships and workplace dynamics. The dialogue emphasizes the need for self-reflection and the role of humility in fostering a culture of accountability.

Takeaways

• Accountability is internal, while blame is external.
• Taking accountability can be exhausting but is essential for growth.
• It's important to celebrate wins without being fake humble.
• Communication plays a crucial role in accountability.
• Self-reflection is key to understanding one's role in situations.
• Accountability can save relationships and jobs.
• Respect is vital when addressing accountability in others.
• High standards should align with what you provide to others.
• Negativity, including blame, hinders personal and professional growth.
• Fostering a culture of accountability benefits everyone involved.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Welcome to Elevate Springfield, where we will dive into strategies and stories that help you rise to your full potential. Each episode, we'll talk about how you can take intentional steps to elevate your life and your business while making a meaningful impact on those around you. Along the way, we're gonna bring in the change makers from our community that are already elevating. We'll bring the actionable strategies, you bring the discipline and follow through, and together we can elevate Springfield. Alright, let's go, y'all. Time to 10X.

SPEAKER_01 0:35

Hey everyone, welcome to Next Gen on Elevate Springfield. I'm Ellie and I'm here with my dad Robert.

SPEAKER_03 0:40

Together, we're talking about what really matters to teens today. From school and skills to pressure, purpose, and possibilities. We'll share honest conversations, practical strategies teens can actually use, and a little dad-daughter debate.

SPEAKER_01 0:56

This is about listening, learning, and growing. Together, let's elevate the next generation.

SPEAKER_03 1:01

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SPEAKER_02 1:47

Hello, welcome back to another episode of NextGen on Elevate Springfield. I'm Ellie and I'm here with my dad.

SPEAKER_03 1:53

Well, hello, Ellie.

SPEAKER_02 1:55

Hi.

SPEAKER_03 1:56

Ready for another one? Yes. What are we talking about today?

SPEAKER_02 1:59

Today I thought we could talk about accountability and what surrounds that, how we should take accountability, what our opinions are on it. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 2:08

Well, accountability is definitely a big thing.

SPEAKER_02 2:11

It's a skill.

SPEAKER_03 2:13

It is. I mean, there's a lot of people out there that probably don't take accountability for what they do. So start it out. Let's have you define what you think accountability is versus maybe blame. Instead of, you know, instead of you take either you take accountability for it or you're blaming somebody else because something happened. So what do you think the difference is between those two?

SPEAKER_02 2:34

Well, first for blame, I think it's it can either be big or it can be small. I think accountability is a very like fickle thing. And I feel like if you do say the wrong thing, it's I don't want to say it's kind of like walking on eggshells, but it's like you gotta say the right thing when you're apologizing for doing something wrong. Like some people are like, oh, it's just just so sensitive, or like, oh, you just gotta say the right thing when it's like with countability, you kind of do, you kind of do have to do that. But for blame, like I said, it could be either like big or small. In the big sense, I see somebody just being like, Well, no, it's like it's not my fault, it's your fault, like you, or like being like, Well, you did this, you did this, you did this. But then I feel like the more common way is in the smaller way where it's like, well, I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm sorry that I'm sorry that you felt like that. Well, I'm sorry that that you reacted like that. Like, I don't, I don't know. We can get a little bit more to that later because there's nuance to like everything. It's not just black and white, but I think with blame, you're throwing the ball the other way. You're like throwing it back to them, putting the putting the attention back on them. I think if you're constantly saying you, you that's you're probably blaming the other person. I think if you're taking accountability, you're like, you're like, yeah, I'm sorry that I did that. I'll I'll work better in the future. I will like, I'm sorry that I did that. It didn't, and if it like wasn't your intention, obviously you can say, like, that wasn't my intention. I'm sorry that it came out like that, or I'm sorry that I did that, et cetera, et cetera.

SPEAKER_03 4:07

Yeah. So for me, I guess accountability is internal and blame is external. So accountability, it's internal to you. You're you're gonna take accountability for your wins, but you're also gonna take accountability for your losses. So you could say, hey, I failed miserably here, but that was because of the things I did. Or I had a great success here, but it's and it's because of the things that I did. So you can hold yourself accountable on both sides, and I think that's important. You know, we don't want to only hold ourselves accountable and say, oh, we did all these great things, but then blame everybody else if something goes wrong. So when we're talking about IntenX, we talk about everything that happens, it happens because of you, not to you. So you got to hold yourself accountable to the wins and the losses. So then the blame, the external side, is the is simply the opposite of that. Hey, you did this, you're at fault for this, you're the reason we failed. That's the external side, and accountability is the internal side. And I think only when we hold ourselves truly accountable, not somebody else holding us accountable, we hold ourselves truly accountable. That's when we can really start making progress on anything.

SPEAKER_02 5:28

Yeah, I think I'm definitely the type of person that like I will rarely blame anyone else for something bad, but I will constantly blame other people for something good. I don't like to take accountability for things. You could say that's humble, whatever, but that's also a form of like arrogance when you're like, oh, I'm so humble because I don't like true. I don't do any of that. Like I'm so humble. That's also a form of arrogance.

SPEAKER_03 5:52

But so I guess that would be like when I said a second ago, I mean, if for your the external side of of celebrating, it's you know, praising somebody, I guess. Rather than blaming them for a loss, you're praising them for a win, which is great. But like you said, it could almost be a fake humility if you're not careful, right?

SPEAKER_02 6:12

Yeah, that's why I don't really like to say, like, oh my gosh, I'm so humble. Like, I don't I don't like talking myself up like that. I only talk myself up if I'm 100% confident that like yeah, I did that. Yeah, like nobody else could have like, you know, like anything like that. I'm just like, yeah, that was me.

SPEAKER_03 6:29

And it's good to celebrate that. It's good to have the confidence in that. But you don't want to be fake humble.

SPEAKER_02 6:36

I guess I guess what we're trying to say is like that some people it's kind of like self-deprecating where it's like, oh, I'm so ugly. I'm so I'm so bad, like just to like get compliments from other people. I think that's what we're more trying to like say that don't don't be humble just so people will go and flip the script on you and be like, no, no, like you're actually so great. Then that's kind of when it gets like that.

SPEAKER_03 6:58

What are some situations that you've encountered where you have this countability versus blame scenario? Anything in the teenage world that you see?

SPEAKER_02 7:11

Oh, 100%. Um it happens a lot within, I mean, friendships. One of the reasons we're talking about this is because not only does it happen with like friendships or relationships, but it also happens in the workplace, like anywhere. This is a thing that's gonna come up a lot. It's not just, oh yeah, I'm a teen and all my friendships, just like all this accountability stuff, because everybody else is wrong and I'm right, like that type of thing. It's just like it comes up a lot. It happens a lot in many different instances. Obviously, at this age, it will be more like friendships, but I mean if you're working too, it also happens there and just things like that. So it it comes up a lot.

SPEAKER_03 7:46

And in the workplace, there's a lot of accountability factors and blame going on, especially if something is wrong or there's somebody makes a mistake or they don't hit a goal that they wanted to make. There a lot of blame can start going around where, oh, you didn't you didn't send that email or you didn't follow up with that person when you were supposed to, or you didn't hold up your end. That happens an awful lot in the workplace, but you know, people need to make sure they are looking inward first to find out what they could have done or where they might have missed the mark before you move on to, you know, external.

SPEAKER_02 8:24

Yeah. And also especially if it's like if it's 100% external, like it's 100% okay, you did that and that sucked type thing. It's obviously so, so important to still be respectful about it. No matter if you're an employee, a coworker, a boss. Like you should be respectful no matter what. If somebody messed up like that, it's like it doesn't matter if it was 100% their fault. It like you still need to be respectful towards them about it.

SPEAKER_03 8:49

Like sure. Well, yeah, we're talking about accountability on the individual or personal side, but also there's accountability from supervisor to employee. If that's not there, then you're probably not going to get any of your goals met because you have to have accountability, yes, individually, but you also have to have accountability from management to be able to make sure that everything is on track and everything is going in the right direction where you're wanting to go.

SPEAKER_02 9:15

And I have a question for you. How do you feel about like the saying, like, I'm sorry you feel that way, or I'm sorry that you felt that way?

SPEAKER_03 9:22

Yeah, I think that's a difficult one because a lot of times that does not go over very well to the person receiving it. I don't know of any instance where the person that heard that, I'm sorry you feel that way, felt good about that that comment. So I guess there's some other ways you could say it. Do you have a way that you'd prefer to say it? Or the prefer to hear it, I guess, because I think you're one that you wouldn't like that. No. Somebody said that to you. So how would you how would you prefer to hear that?

SPEAKER_02 9:52

I think this is also very situational, but again, it's like you probably shouldn't say that. But I did have a situation recently where I did say that, but it was like, okay, I have a situation here. Like, let's say I said, hey, I really like red apples. And green apples, they kind of stink. And then somebody comes up to me and they're like, You said you hated green apples. Like that's ridiculous. And then I'm like, and this is like the other side of the situation. So I'd be like, oh, I'm sorry, like that it came out like that. I take accountability for this because I'm sorry. I didn't, I didn't mean to say, I didn't mean for it to sound like I hated green apples. All I said was that, you know, they kinda stink, but I didn't mean I hated them, but I am sorry that it came out that way and I'll do better in the future, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I know it's a stupid analogy, but bear with me. Versus a situation where I'm like, oh, I love red apples. And then somebody comes up to me and they're like, so you hate green apples? And I'm like, I'm sorry you felt like that's what I said, but that's not what I said. So I'm not gonna take accountability for you taking something that I said, and I know for a fact what I said, especially if it's like a text conversation, you like go back in it. I know 100% for a fact what I said, how I said it. And I don't feel the need to take accountability because I didn't say anything that would give that impression versus a scenario where, like I just said, like I did say something to give that impression. So it's like, okay, like I'm sorry about that. Like I didn't, et cetera. But in a situation like that, it's just like I did have a situation like that where I was like, okay, I didn't say anything to give you that impression. I actually told you the complete opposite. Hey, I don't hate green apples, just so you know, I just love the red ones. Like, that's it. And the other person still thought I said I hated green apples. And I'm just sitting there and I'm like, okay, well, I'm sorry that you felt that way, but I can't really take accountability for that because I did not say anything to give the impression that I hated green apples. Right. So it's like only in a situation like that, you also have to have a very clear head. I like to say I have a clear head, but then again, doesn't everybody but in like situations like that, it's very rare that you can say, I'm sorry you felt that way without it being like ridiculous. You probably shouldn't. But I think that's it was it's an important thing to tell those two different situations. Because most of the time you would have said something that made the other person feel that way. But in the rare instance that you didn't, it's just like, well, I don't know what to tell you then because I didn't Right.

SPEAKER_03 12:21

So I so I guess you could go on for both of those situations. You know, the first one is saying, you know, hey, I'm sorry for the miscommunication, but this is what this was my intent with that. Maybe that's a better way of phrasing it. Sorry, we we're not on the same page here, but this was my intent when I said that. Right.

SPEAKER_02 12:38

So maybe that's better than And even then with like intent, it's like a lot of people use intent. It's like, well, I didn't mean it that way. Like, here's another analogy that I see people using is that it's like if you run somebody over, like you run somebody's foot over with your car, and instead of apologizing, you're just sitting there being like, I didn't mean to run you over. I did I didn't mean to run you over. I don't, I don't know what to tell you. I didn't mean to run you over, but you still did and you should still apologize for, even if you didn't mean to. And I know that is different because it was an actual physical harm, but still, mental and physical harm are still equally as bad. So we can't use intent as like an excuse and not apologize.

SPEAKER_03 13:14

But No, no, if it's something to where you made a comment that was over the line or could be construed as over the line, then yes, definitely you can apologize for that. I guess I was going more of the track of just a complete miscommunication. Not that not that it offended the other person necessarily. It was just that this was my intent when I said that. Sorry, we we had miscommunication there. We're not on the same page, but this is this is what I intended when I said that. But when of course, if you offend somebody, you should certainly apologize as part of that communication.

SPEAKER_02 13:48

Yeah. So again, only if you like only if you know that you said something that would I don't know. It's just it's very it's different, but again, like the situation where it's like you know 100% you didn't say anything to that effect, that's also kind of rare. So it's like don't take that and run with it and be like, oh well, like this girl, like she she always knows what she says, well, whatever. It's like, don't take that and run with it. It's just like every once in a while, you know. I'm like, I I know I didn't say that. But a lot of the time it's like, okay, yeah, I can understand why you'd think that because I said this. But yeah, I didn't mean this, I meant this.

SPEAKER_03 14:26

So sorry that that was well, and and that I think it can be difficult with with text conversations because you don't hear tone, you don't hear when you're talking to somebody face to face, you can hear intent too. You can hear tone, you can you can hear a little bit of that depending on who you're talking to. But via text, it is more just the words on the page. So if they if they didn't phrase something quite right or if phrasing was a little off, you could take it differently than what they intended.

SPEAKER_02 14:56

Yeah, and I I agree with that. I agree with that, but I'm not trying to like debate with you or anything like that.

SPEAKER_03 15:01

I love a debate with my daughter. Come on, bring it up.

SPEAKER_02 15:05

Text sucks, in-person conversations on top, like at least call, at least hear each other's tone of voice. I've had many actual conversations, either on the phone or in person, where I can hear the person talking. And sometimes, like, I'm still like, I felt like that was rude. And I I I saw what tone you use, and I still think that was and that's happened to me multiple times with like multiple different people. And I don't really submit to the idea that like text is horrible. Oh my gosh, text is so bad. Well, and I and I Especially because in like in-person conversation, people can like talk over you, overtake you, all bad kind of things. But I definitely agree that like you should have in-person conversations and call.

SPEAKER_03 15:42

But I I agree. I don't I don't think texting is bad by any means. Quite frankly, most of my communication that I have on my cell phone is via text. It's I do of course I call people too, but the majority of the conversations I have with people are via text. So I'm certainly not saying that it's a that's the bad way to communicate because I do it all the time. It's just sometimes you can lose some meaning every now and again. Definitely. So it's easy to do that.

SPEAKER_02 16:09

But I think accountability is so important because it saves so many relationships, so many like jobs, so many this, many this, so many this. It's like it's so difficult for so many people to do. And it's like I learned that early on that it's like, it's fine to take accountability. Let's take accountability, like this is exhausting. It's like I'm also just very much of a communication person. So I'm just sick of all the mind games and all that stuff. Why can't you just talk? Like, just just talk and just be real and authentic and just like apologize for when you do something wrong.

SPEAKER_03 16:41

Here's the thing. I mean, for most people, it's very easy to hold themselves accountable when things are going good. The difficult part is when things aren't going according to plan and failures are creeping in. That's the hard part is holding yourself accountable for that because hey, if I'm gonna hold myself accountable for all these wins, hey, I'm doing all this cool, great stuff when you're not doing the cool, great stuff and the failures are happening, you have to hold yourself accountable to that too.

SPEAKER_02 17:08

So and I think that's where I low key think I have the opposite problem. I'm always holding myself accountable, accountable for like the bad stuff. And then whenever it's the wins, I'm like, okay, whatever.

SPEAKER_03 17:18

Yeah, did that anyways. Well, and and yes, because I think you're like me in that aspect. I expect that I'm gonna, you know, be able to accomplish what I'm wanting to accomplish. And when I hit some goals, I do just kind of like, hey, there you go. Well, yeah, yeah. That's a cool hey, there we go. Okay, so yes, you get it for me because I'll just I'll move right on to the next thing. Hey, I just hit that goal. Cool. Uh, what's the next one?

SPEAKER_02 17:46

My thing is that whenever I don't hit that goal, I'm like, I'm horrible, I'm stupid, I'm ridiculous. But then whenever I do, I'm like, okay.

SPEAKER_03 17:52

Yeah, you get that.

SPEAKER_02 17:55

It's a relief. It's like a weight off my shoulders, but it's like I'm not like excited about it. That's how I am with Archery. My coach has been telling me for a year, she's like, you gotta be excited. And I have gone back a little better at being excited. I'm like, yes. But I saw this one quote that was like, I can never celebrate my achievements because in my brain, it was always like my obligation to achieve them. So it's just there. It's like, it's just, I don't celebrate it. I'm just like, okay, got it. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 18:20

No, you you get that for me. That's that's the exact way I am. I'm I'm think that that quote you just uh said is very similar to the way I think. It's like, well, I'm gonna put in all the work, I'm gonna do all the stuff I need to do. If I do all that, I'm gonna hit that goal. Then when I hit that goal, cool.

SPEAKER_01 18:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:36

It's uh it's I feel good about it, but I'm not big on like dwelling on a big win. It's like, hey, that's that's great. Now it's move on to the move on to the next one.

SPEAKER_02 18:45

And like my standards are just too high. Cause like in archery, it's when you get a nine or a 10, like my coach has told me, she's like, that's awesome, that's exciting. But for me, it's like it's my obligation to get a nine or a 10. And if I don't get a nine or a 10, then I'm just like, I suck. Guys, I'll take an eight, I'll take a seven, two. But if I get any lower than that, I'm like, okay, I quit. This is horrible. I'm so bad. No, but I'm joking. But still, I'm like, I feel horrible. I'm like, why? My standards are just like so high for myself that it's like, like whenever I'm new to something, I don't really give myself enough like leeway, leeway, leeway, grace, whatever. I don't give myself enough leeway to learn it. I'm just like, okay, I'm not good at this. Like, why am I not good at this brand new thing I just started today? Huh, that's weird. I just get so like, why am I not good at this, dude?

SPEAKER_03 19:36

Well, and that's something you'll you'll get better at over time. But one thing we talk about in 10x is if you if you harp too much on your your wins, like if you're just overly celebratory on your wins, you're probably gonna be overly down on your losses.

SPEAKER_02 19:53

That's why in my brain, yes. That's why in my brain, I'm like, set yourself up for disappointment so then you're not disappointed because you were already kind of expecting it. I know it's not very healthy, but that's what I do. Oh well.

SPEAKER_03 20:05

I lean more in the middle where, and I think you're somewhat like me in this aspect, in other ways not, but in anything, I don't have super high highs and I don't have super low lows. Most of my stuff is right right here. Things can be going phenomenal and I'm still right in here. Things can be going pretty horrible and I'm still kind of right in right in here. You probably see that about me. I don't have super high highs and I don't have super low lows. And you have some of that in you, but probably not as much as me.

unknown 20:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:39

I think I'm too scared to get to like the super high highs because every time that happens, it's just like plummets from there. And then I'm just like, well, okay, but I think like with the accountability thing and like with me saying like you have to have like a clear head, I'm also very in tune with my emotions. And it's things that people tell me, people give me constructive criticism. It's not something I don't already know. It's like I know I think that's also why I get so annoyed with like people who not in like a workplace setting, but like in friends or whatever, and they're trying to tell me something, and I'm like, I know that. I know me. I know what I know. Like, there's nothing you can tell me that I'm not already working on with me. Also, if I already think something like negative about myself, and then people go and they confirm it. Like if I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm going slow, I need to speed up, and then someone's like, you need to speed up. And I'm like, I know I was hoping I wasn't doing as bad as I thought I was.

SPEAKER_03 21:35

Let me throw a quote at you. Let me see what you think about it. So it's an old quote. People have said it, said it a lot. But if you think you can or you think you can't, you're right. What do you think that means?

SPEAKER_02 21:46

I think when you think you can't, you're not gonna put as much effort into it because you're like, well, I can't anyway. So I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_03 21:52

It's a mindset thing, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:54

Yeah, but I mean, but in the situations that I'm talking about, I'm like, I'm actively trying to work on it. And then I feel like my progress gets set back whenever somebody's like, hey, you need to you need to do this. And I'm just like, I know I'm trying. I'm trying.

SPEAKER_03 22:08

But do you think you could use it utilize that mindset shift? The yes, I'm trying. I still can. Use it as a learning experience, but I'm gonna continue pushing.

SPEAKER_02 22:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:18

How do you deal with somebody who doesn't take accountability?

SPEAKER_03 22:22

Well unfortunately in a workplace setting, if somebody doesn't take accountability for their actions, especially if they are negative actions and they're costing the company money or they're costing the company customers or they are providing a less than great customer experience, if you can't go through a learning process with them to get them on the right track, unfortunately that's just not going to work out for the company. So that is one, that is one, I guess you could call it a character trait, being able to have that accountability to yourself that is is very, very important. And some people just do not have it and do not learn it. Whereas other people have it have a very, very strong sense of accountability and those are the type of people that you want on your team because you know that not only are they holding themselves accountable to you know you as the supervisor, you as the company, but they're holding themselves accountable to their own standards, which hopefully are very high standards. So those those are the type of people you want. So you can try to train that you can try to uh model that but when it comes down to it if people aren't going to hold themselves accountable they're probably not going to be a great team member for your company.

SPEAKER_02 23:41

Yeah I saw this one quote that really spoke to me. It was like I have high standards because what I ask for I can provide and that like changed me because it's like the things that I'm asking for in friendships or something like that that is what I'm giving to other people and to the other friendships. It's not like with my friends that I'm not like super close to I'm not asking for them to be like amazing like always here type friends. But it with the friends that I'm really close to, I'm giving these people like everything and I'm just like I don't I can't I'm not asking for too much because what I'm asking for I'm doing right now. Like the things that I'm asking for you to do, I'm doing for you right now. So you know I'm not asking for too much because I'm doing that. And it can be the same thing if you're a boss. It's like I'm doing this and I'm asking my employees to do this. So it's not too much because I'm doing this, this person's doing this, this person's doing this.

SPEAKER_03 24:34

That's a good point, especially for leadership or management within a company if you're trying to hold your people accountable and you're not doing the things you're trying to hold them accountable for that is not going to work.

SPEAKER_02 24:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:47

It's not going to work.

SPEAKER_02 24:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:48

So any last tips for teens to help with this accountability versus blame stuff?

SPEAKER_02 24:55

Just put your ego aside ma'am just take accountability. It's it's whatever. It's just it's gonna help you, I promise. Obviously I'm not saying like take the blame for everything. You should be able to be like yeah I know what I did was wrong and then have a conversation about your part of it and then also be able to hold the other person accountable too. Be like okay yes but I did this yes I'm sorry blah blah blah blah blah and then you hold the other person accountable too.

SPEAKER_03 25:22

There you go.

SPEAKER_02 25:23

But it's just it's not a blow to your ego. It it's actually it it makes you a better person by taking accountability and it'll help you in the long run.

SPEAKER_03 25:31

There you go.

SPEAKER_02 25:32

I promise.

SPEAKER_03 25:32

Well for me I guess the couple of takeaways would be on the accountability side take accountability for the wins but also take accountability for the losses right try to foster the strong sense of hey what am I doing here to cause this right try to foster that sense of anything that happens to me, I caused it. And if you can start from that, now of course there are some things that are going to happen to you that are you didn't cause but if you start from that baseline you're gonna be able to start holding yourself accountable more often. And then on the blame side we talk a lot in 10x about no negativity allowed I wear my bracelet every day right my no negativity allowed blame is a form of negativity in my eyes instead of looking first to blame somebody else look in the mirror and say hey what did I do to as part of this as well I think that could be the positive side of that some self-reflection before you go and blame everybody else for anything that's going on. So take accountability for the wins take accountability for the losses and stay positive stay away from the negativity. How about that?

SPEAKER_02 26:46

Yeah well thank you for joining us on NextGen. Hopefully we'll see you next week.

SPEAKER_03 26:50

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SPEAKER_00 28:03

When I first walked into Shudokong Karate Club I was just looking for a way to get stronger but what I found was so much more. Here we train in traditional karate the real stuff passed down through generations every punch every kata has purpose. I've learned self discipline confidence and how to protect myself not just in class but in real life it's not about being aggressive it's about being prepared. This is more than a club it's a way of life join us at Shudo Khan traditional powerful real TI