F*ck, What if you’re already Whole? with Elkie Hughes

Season 2 · Episode 5 | Elkie Hughes

Before signing up to be a “better version” of ourselves, shall we ask who decided the current version needed fixing? Elkie Hughes and I get into the expectations we pick up from family, work, society and that voice in our heads. This chat gave me plenty to question.

Elkie is the founder of Be Your Happy. She shares her perspective on the beliefs we carry, the moments that shape our sense of worth, and accepting the parts of ourselves that aren’t all neat and tidy. We talk about grief, joy, fear and the difference between analysing a feeling and allowing ourselves to feel it.

Inside our conversation

• The childhood “backpack”: belonging, worth, old beliefs and seemingly small moments that stay with us.
• The pressure to improve ourselves and whose idea of the “best version” we are chasing.
• Accepting the light and the shade, rather than expecting life to feel positive all the time.
• Elkie’s perspective on trauma, and how she describes her PSYCH-K® and wellbeing work.
• Awareness, self-acceptance and pausing before reacting.
• Thinking about feelings versus feeling them, and making room for what is actually happening.
• Women’s strength, everyday reflection and the possibility of a brief pause or walk.
• What Elkie means by being whole, and her move from advertising into wellbeing work.

One thing to try
Make a little space for a quiet moment or a walk. Notice one expectation you put on yourself and ask where it came from. You don’t have to turn the reflection into another performance.

Take the conversation with you
Get this episode’s free guide on the podcast website — five lessons, things to try and a question for your own life.
Visit this episode’s website page for the guide and full conversation.

Where shall we go next?
Vashti Whitfield on reframing your life — to explore familiar patterns and the feelings underneath them.
Justine Armour on success — for an honest chat about making choices that honour who you are.

From this episode
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Transcript

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Chasing Better Vs Becoming Whole

Dom Hind 0:00

Hi, I'm Dom Hind, and fuck, I'm nearly 50. Actually, I'm 48 now and I am counting. Over the years, I've spent a lot of time trying to become the best version of myself. You know, the drill, the self-improvement books, the wellness routines, the podcasts, the productivity hacks, the endless idea that if we just optimized ourselves a little bit more, life will somehow feel better. And don't get me wrong, I love personal growth. But somewhere along the way, I started noticing something interesting. Sometimes in the pursuit of becoming the best version of ourselves, we start quietly rejecting parts of who we actually are. The messy bits, the emotional bits, the imperfect bits. And suddenly we're not really improving ourselves anymore. We're editing ourselves. Which brings me to today's guest. Elkie Hughes is someone who has completely changed the way I think of this idea of self-improvement. Elkie and I actually go way back to our advertising days where we worked together across a couple of agencies, including MC Saatchi and with Collective, where she worked in studio and production before taking a very different career path. These days, she's the founder of Be You're Happy, where she works with women as a Psychic K facilitator, Reiki practitioner, and integrative wellness coach. Now, I'm gonna be honest, the first time Elkie explained what she does now, I needed her to explain it twice. And then the only way I really understood it was by experiencing it. She did a session with me, and afterwards I felt lighter, clearer, and almost like my brain hadn't quietly recollaborated itself. It was one of those experiences where you realize you've been carrying things. Stress, beliefs, emotional weight that you didn't even know was there. What Elkie helps women do is shift the subconscious beliefs that shape how we see ourselves, often without realizing it's even there. Because here's the thing: sometimes the biggest things holding us back from happiness isn't our circumstances. It's the story we're telling ourselves underneath it all. And today we're going to talk about why the idea of becoming the best version of yourself might actually be missing the point entirely. Because maybe the goal isn't becoming someone better. Maybe the goal is finally accepting all the parts of who we really are. And honestly, fuck, I'm nearly 50, and isn't it amazing? Most of us have heard the phrase, be the best version of yourself. It sounds inspiring. But today's guest believes that the idea can sometimes create more pressure than freedom. Because when we're constantly striving to become a better version of ourselves, we can start hiding the parts of ourselves we don't like. The parts we feel ashamed of, the parts we think make us unworthy, the parts we believe we need to fix. But real happiness and self-acceptance don't come from perfection. They come from integrating all of who we are. The good parts, the messy parts, and the parts we've spent years trying to ignore. Today we're talking about why so many women struggle with self-acceptance, how subconscious beliefs quietly shape the way we see ourselves, why trauma isn't what we think it is, and how we can start letting go of the pressure to constantly improve everything. Elkie Hughes.

What Subconscious Beliefs Really Are

Dom Hind 3:56

Welcome to Fuck I'm Nearly 50. That's wrong. Yeah. And fuck I am nearly 50 in a couple of months. Yeah, just a little bit ahead of me.

Elkie Hughes 4:06

Yeah, just a tiny bit.

Dom Hind 4:07

If someone met you at a dinner party and asks what you do, how do you explain your work?

Elkie Hughes 4:17

I work with people to identify and shift their subconscious limiting beliefs and trauma. What does that mean?

Dom Hind 4:30

Yeah, well, can you like explain what does that mean? Like, great.

Elkie Hughes 4:33

Okay, so we we have a whole bunch of subconscious limiting beliefs that we don't even realize that we have. Yeah. Um for for want of a better word, we're programmed. Yeah. And we live our life in that program. Yes. So that's our subconscious, and we do have, you know, obviously we have our conscious mind, like, and we think we're living from that more than our subconscious, but we are actually living, it's about 90 to 95 percent is subconscious.

Dom Hind 5:04

Yeah, wow.

Elkie Hughes 5:05

So with that, we have beliefs, not all are limiting, but some are limiting. Actually, it's probably more limiting. Yeah, um, and and it affects us in in in life. So it can affect us in relationships, career, health, um, financial, just and and all through our life. Yeah. So it's about find identifying those. And that's a whole process. Yes. Um, identifying those and then shifting them with a modality which we can talk about now. Yeah, go. Um go. Which is called psych K. Yeah. So psych K is an energy psychology that is I'm gonna say 50% spiritual and 50% based on science. Um, and we are working with the brain, and how we identify those limiting beliefs is through muscle testing. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've done it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So through muscle testing, and why we use muscle testing is because it's the it's a way of talking or communicating with the subconscious. Yeah. Because if I ask you, oh yeah, you know, you don't think consciously, you're like, yeah, no, no, everything's fine, everything's great. And then I muscle test, and it's like, oh no, you're not. Yeah. So it's really interesting to see um that process and then to shift them, it is quite an easy process. The hardest thing is identifying what's going on. Yeah. And I do that through a conversation. Yes. So it feels like therapy. Yeah. Like it feels like you know you're at the psychiatrist and you're having this big conversation, but I'm listening for what you're not saying. Yeah. And then because that's where you hear those subconscious beliefs that you're not even aware of.

Dom Hind 7:00

Yeah.

Elkie Hughes 7:01

Yeah. Um, and so that's that's what I do.

Dom Hind 7:04

Right. Okay. Yeah. Great. So that that's yeah, that's that's that sums it up. I think it's it's really interesting because the subconscious beliefs, uh like I've been doing Vashti, who was on the podcast last, we were have been doing a lot of work with what my beliefs or my patterns and behaviours actually are and where they formed from. Yeah. And it's really interesting how you don't think that things actually impact you. You don't. But they do. Yeah. And they have a long-term impact on you. And, you know, even just a shift in that or just consciously knowing where something has come from and why you are acting in a best particular way is great to do.

Elkie Hughes 7:50

It's yeah, and it brings you freedom. It does bring you freedom. Um, which we don't realize, and we are, we're like, we're literally going through life programmed. Yeah. Yeah. And it does, you know, it it starts, and you know, it's not something it's that it's that cycle of life, right? Because we're all programmed. Yeah. So it's not like um, you know, you're like you're b and it is from conception to about eight, seven or eight. Yeah, yeah. So it's, you know, and you're picking up everything. It's that whole saying of you're a sponge, and so you're you're in your parents, um, you're you're with your parents, you're at school, you're watching TV, it's society, it's our parents, and you know, cultural, religion, our parents, so your parents, all of those things, religion, everything. So, you know, we pick up a program and we're like, okay, well, this is how I'm living life. This is it. But sometimes they're limiting.

Dom Hind 8:47

Yeah. Yep. Yes, they are. So

The Pressure To Be “Perfect”

Dom Hind 8:51

many of us are chasing the idea of becoming the best version of ourselves, but you believe the idea can actually be quite damaging. Why?

Elkie Hughes 9:02

Uh I I do because um we when we think about the best version of ourselves, we according to society. Yes, um, we okay, well, that's the magazine just said that this, you know, I have to have, I don't know, I have to be six, two, or whatever. Yeah, I have to have this, I have to have that cheap list. So, yo, well, I don't have all that, so I'm gonna go and try and find that, and then I'm gonna put that forward.

Dom Hind 9:34

Yeah.

Elkie Hughes 9:34

And we forget about all the other things. Being the best version doesn't mean it's good.

Dom Hind 9:41

Yeah.

Elkie Hughes 9:42

It's it's the whole, I believe it's the whole. Yeah. And so when we're talking about subconscious beliefs, right? So you imagine you're okay, I'm striving for the best version of myself, but I've got all these limiting beliefs. Yeah. So and it's not that we can't be the best, you know, we it's not that we can't be the best version, but you know, until we get to the core of uh why I operate like that, or why do I have that belief, and shift it, then there comes the freedom, then there comes the joy, then comes the all the the happiness. It doesn't take away from the sadness, the grief, and all that stuff. Like we have all of that, and that's what makes us whole. But who says that the joy and the love and all that is the best version? Why can't anger, fear, like why can't they be part of that as well?

Dom Hind 10:37

You don't have to have this perfect persona of what's expected. Yeah, yeah, there are, but I mean there's there's light and shade in everything. Everything. And if you don't have the shade, you forget to appreciate how good the light is.

Elkie Hughes 10:52

And it's balanced, so you can't really have, you know, the good without the bad, the light without the dark.

Dom Hind 10:57

No, it is all it is all there.

Elkie Hughes 10:59

Yeah.

Dom Hind 10:59

Um, when do you think, oh sorry, where do you think the pressure comes from?

Elkie Hughes 11:04

Oh, I mean society. Yeah, yeah. Someone made up something, and so it's society, and then you know, yes, our parents, but our parents get it from society or from so you know, yeah. I'm just yeah, I society, yeah, ultimately.

Dom Hind 11:24

And do you think it do you think it's even worse now for us with social, with everyone always being on, yeah, with the fear of missing out being such a big thing? Absolutely. I'm so happy to miss out. I'm I love missing out. What's that? Um the joy of missing out on the Jomo, yeah. Yeah. I'm very happy to do that. Very, very happy. I'm very happy. Oh, yeah, okay, good. Um

Self-Acceptance Without The Fluff

Dom Hind 11:55

yeah, I was uh when did you start realizing that self-acceptance might actually be more powerful than constant self-improvement? When did I realise?

Elkie Hughes 12:09

What do you think self-acceptance actually is? Okay, so for me, self- it's it's accepting every part of you. Okay. And and that might sound simple and easy and basic or obvious. But it's being able to accept all of the good and all of the bad. Yeah. Because, you know, right now I'm like I'm passionate. I'm like, oh, I'm so excited to be here and everything. But you know, I'm gonna go and have a moment at some point where I am angry, or I, you know, have a meltdown because something like, but I'm not gonna come on here with all of that. Yeah, yeah. Like that's not gonna serve me in any way, but I know that that's part of me, yeah, and I'm not gonna shy away from it, I'm not gonna avoid it, I'm not going to um ignore it. I'm gonna go, hey, well, this is where I'm at. So, okay, let's sit in that and you know, and you do whatever. For me, I'm like, get on the sofa, get my blanket, yeah, get my cup of tea, and I'm like, I'm just gonna wallow in this for I don't know, half a day. Yeah, yeah. If that, or you know, maybe I give myself a day, maybe give myself an hour, but it's being able to, you know, we look in the mirror and we are oh, I don't like this, I don't like that, I don't there's plenty about me physically that I don't love right now, especially with freaking perimenopause. Yeah, but it's accepting that this is where I'm at. Yeah, because once you can accept those parts of you, there's no resistance. And when you're pushing shit uphill, yeah, you can swear. Yeah. Okay, good. Yeah. When you are pushing shit uphill, like how does that go? Yeah, it never goes well. At all. So it's it's that um what's that saying? You're going with the flow. Yeah, yeah. So I feel like acceptance is going with the flow. Now, self-acceptance is not easy. No, it's definitely it's not an easy thing at all. It's it's quite, yeah, it's it is hard. But what, okay, so with the work that I do, what I have realized is if you can identify the parts of yourself that you don't like and where they come from, yes, then you can forgive yourself because you think it's you and you know, I was born like this and I don't belong, and I'm not good enough, and blah blah blah. You think that that's in your DNA, right? It's not. And so when we realize that when I was five years old in the playground and Billy didn't want to play with me, I didn't, I didn't, I said, Oh well, I'm not good enough. I didn't, I didn't, I'm not, I'm not intelligent uh I'm not developed enough, you know, yeah at that point to go, oh well Billy's got something going on, like maybe got into trouble from his parents because he didn't make his bed. I don't know, so then he's projecting onto me. We don't think about that when we're five, we just go, oh my god, there's something wrong with me.

Dom Hind 15:08

Yeah, right?

Elkie Hughes 15:09

And then we take that and that's put that on the backpack and then we go walk through life. So um, I've got enough on tangent.

Dom Hind 15:17

No, no, no, I think no, I think that it is well, it's all part of the self-acceptance, and yeah, I think the the thing with self-acceptance is knowing what is in your backpack.

Elkie Hughes 15:26

Yes, and understanding it so we can shift it because you don't have to carry that thing. No, and and that's a thing like uh and I guess with the work that I do, it is that simple once we identify the the the blockages. Yeah. Um, but I think with self-acceptance, yeah, it you do have to do the work to understand where it's from. Once you get that, walk in the park.

Triggers, Pauses, And Feeling It

Dom Hind 15:55

It's so funny, like everyone always, and I always say this to everyone, everyone always talks about doing the work, doing the work, doing the work. And I freaking struggle so hard with doing the work because I'm like, what do I need to reflect on today?

Elkie Hughes 16:08

Like, what what what but how much of the work are you taking on, right? Because like do you have a checklist of okay, I've got 10 things that I have to do, do today? Like on you, yeah.

Dom Hind 16:21

No, I've got like a checklist of like thousands of the other things I need to do, but I never look at it and go, Oh, these are the things I need to do for me. Okay, why should I be having a checklist of the work for me? No, okay, good, absolutely not. God, because that's making the work sound easy. Yeah, I know, and that's why I'm like, oh, I hope, yeah.

Elkie Hughes 16:38

Yeah, because I don't think it's that. I think it's more if you're consciously aware of oh, I'm triggered here, or why did I react in that way and go, oh I didn't that where does that come from? Because that's not authentically me. Yeah, that is so I think it's awareness. Yeah, I don't think it's I have to sit and be meditate for half an hour and I and that's all great. Like if you have all that time to do that, bloody fantastic. But we don't every day. No, I know. So I think bringing awareness to your everyday interactions, see where you get triggered, go, oh, that doesn't sit right. Okay, well, okay, well, okay, maybe that's something I need to work on. And you look at it when it's time or when you do have a minute, or you don't you don't, you know, go, oh fuck, I did this, and oh my god, I reacted this way, and oh my god, now that person doesn't like me, and right, and you just spiral. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dom Hind 17:43

It's interesting. Yeah, it is. Well, and one of the things that I was working with Vashti on was observing. So for that, for me, the big thing is to pause, like the power of the pause and the permission to pause, but also observe. Yeah, so observe how you were in that moment, yeah, and yeah, why you reacted that way. Yeah, and is there a way you can actually stop before reacting? Yeah.

Elkie Hughes 18:08

And that's the work. To me, that is the work. But I think people think the work is it's like I have to get up and then I have to get up before my kids because I have to do I have to sit and meditate for half an hour and then I have to do this, and then I have to stretch, and then I've got to stretch it, and then I've got to have it, yeah, da da da da. I like I don't I don't think that's the work. The work.

Dom Hind 18:31

Yeah, the work is in in here. And in here. Uh yeah, and in here. Yeah, yeah, sorry. And even with the work, I always use my brain more than my heart.

Elkie Hughes 18:41

You're conscious, because it's just subfinic.

Dom Hind 18:43

Yeah, and that's it. Like I always try and think my way out of shit rather than actually feel it out of shit. Stop it and take a minute. Yeah. Yeah. Which is killing. Yeah. Right side is literally just been all in surgery this year. I wonder why. Um, why do so many people feel the need to hide parts of themselves?

Elkie Hughes 19:06

They just don't like them. And they but they don't like them because again, it's this, it's, I believe, society saying, this is perfect and this is how you have to look, or this is perfect and this is how you have to be. So, you know, for us as women in the workplace, you have to be a certain way, and you can't have a cramp. Yeah, yeah. You can't have a moment, you have to be everything's perfect. And it's like, well, that's not the truth. And then, you know, you have to, you know, have a flat stomach and not have hips, and you know, have a bust X, Y, you know, whatever size that is, and your hair has to be like this, and you can't have freckles, and you know, like you have to be a certain height. That's not reality. Yeah, I know.

Dom Hind 19:58

It's not, it is not reality.

Elkie Hughes 19:59

So I think society again has a lot to answer for. But the problem is we buy into that. Yeah.

Dom Hind 20:06

So and I think one of the hardest things is that we're all so worried about what everyone else thinks. Absolutely. Like everyone, like they everyone thinks that someone's thinking about them, but they're not. They're all thinking about themselves. It's like, why do we actually care so much? Like, let's just stop giving shit. Yeah. So big realization. Yeah, big realisation. Yeah, in the last time. But it's har it's hard to get off that hamster wheel and just go, don't care. Yeah. Um, where does that deep feeling of not feeling good enough actually come from? Do you think it is like from a lot of childhood where we get in a situation where someone doesn't want to play with us or someone says something about us, or you know, is it that it can be that simple. Yeah.

Elkie Hughes 20:53

Um, or it can be, you know, I mean, we can go as far as abuse. Yeah, yeah. Right? Like, you know, that's the extreme, but it can be as simple as, you know, um, Susie didn't want to play with me today, she's playing with her other friends. Well okay, at that age, you can't how do you justify that?

Dom Hind 21:16

You can't. You can't.

Elkie Hughes 21:19

You can't.

Dom Hind 21:20

It was funny. I was listening to on the way over here, I was listening to Zack Sidler talk about teenage boys and even with the whole manosphere, but how people the how they are being perceived with the looks maxing. And it's so important to have those conversations, like just to keep the conversations opened with and I think that's even true with younger kids as well, and finding out why or what happened during the day, the feelings that you feel felt, so that we can try and help them understand. Absolutely, absolutely because even now I still don't know whether I know how. To describe how I'm feeling in a moment. Yeah, okay. Like I I'll either be like really angry and swear. Yeah. Or I'll be really upset and cry. Yeah. But there's very like it's it's hard for me to understand the range in between. Yeah. I think is that the work on the work?

Elkie Hughes 22:20

Yeah. No, but I I think it's I think it's probably the same for me because and I think you know it's like trying to describe how you feel. It's like, okay, well, let's just feel it.

Dom Hind 22:31

Yeah.

Elkie Hughes 22:32

Just feel it. Because I think you think the feeling rather than actually feeling it. The feeling. Yeah. And I think, you know, it's it's because we're not, we're disconnected from ourselves. We're not connected. We're all out there. I have to do this, have to do that, I have to do that, have to get here by then, have to do it. Um she said this, he said that. Yeah, yeah. Noise, noise, noise. And it's like, okay, come back here. Come back to center, come back, connect into the heart and go, okay, how do I feel about this? And feel into it. And it's hard to do, right? Because it's like we're going to go time and we're running lame. But that didn't take long to do. No, it takes. And it doesn't. It takes it takes a minute. Like you could do it in a minute. I grounded before I came, sprayed all my stuff around. All right, I called in everyone. I go on and the ancestors and the spirit guides were. It took me a minute. Yeah. And how did you feel when you walked in there? Bloody amazing. Yeah, well, amazing. Um, no, like I do. I feel grounded, I feel supported. I just felt this whole energy holding me up from my from from behind here. And I mean, I and I'm good, I'm ready. Right, let's get it. Good. But times it takes a minute.

Dom Hind 24:02

It does take a minute. It's not long. It doesn't need to take longer than that. How much of that is conscious? And how much of it is subconscious programming in us, just making sure that we can come back and actually be. Oh, that's conscious.

Elkie Hughes 24:18

Conscious. We have to make a conscious effort to go, okay, just take a minute. Because the subconscious is a reaction. So we're just reacting. And it's like, okay, so the subconscious, right? The subconscious is great. It helps us do all these things. Like breathe. Remember, breathe. Now we're not thinking that we have to breathe. We're just breathing. So you imagine a reaction is like that. There is no conscious thought in that. It's just it's that I'm triggered, I'm reacting. You know, it's the your dog runs out to the right, you're reacting. Like there is no, I'm just gonna take a minute. Am I gonna step out? Yeah. You know, you just do it. You just do it. So I think coming back to center, it is a conscious effort to do.

Dom Hind 25:09

Okay, so yeah, see, and then I go back into thinking, how do I do that? Do I set an alarm on my phone three times a day just to go? Just once. Just once a day. When you go to bed, what give me your nightly routine? Really? No. Okay, I put Hallie to bed. Yeah. Um, we do a meditation in her room, and then I go into Layton. Late Juz and I will swap. He'll go into Hallie, I'll go into Leighton, we'll say goodnight, whatever. Come upstairs, finish off anything that needed to be done, or do washing or do housework, whatever it is. I'll have a magnesium hot chocolate and then I know, then go and put like a thousand creams on my face and then clear my teeth, go to bed. Okay. And so when you get into bed, are you like come out? Most of the time I'm out. Oh, and then we do have to watch Seinfeld every night, which as soon as I hear it, I'm asleep. You're gone. I'm I'm done. Okay. So with with Hall, you're meditating. Yeah. So we we'll watch something. So we're watching Harry Potter series at the moment. We'll watch 20 minutes of Harry Potter, then we'll put on meditation, and then I'll swap and late till have the meditation. So that's your that's your moment, you meditating.

Elkie Hughes 26:19

You're already doing it. Yeah, okay. So conscious okay, but you're doing it for her. Yeah. Okay, so now you're gonna do it for you as well, because she's doing it for her. Allie's doing it for her. You're now gonna go, okay, so this is also my time. To think. No, not think. Oh well, okay, to feel.

Dom Hind 26:37

Okay.

Elkie Hughes 26:37

That's a thing. No thinking.

Dom Hind 26:39

To be this not thinking thing.

Elkie Hughes 26:41

To be and feel. And you're gonna think. Yeah. But you so when you do your oh, that's a thought. Okay, just put that thought away. Yeah, okay. Don't don't don't be fooled that everyone meditating has an empty mind while they're meditating because they don't.

Dom Hind 26:55

I try, I I do try and meditate, and then I'm just like, okay, there's 20,000 things I need. Yeah, great, great, right, right.

Elkie Hughes 27:01

And just go forget about it. Um, all right, and so okay, I'm just I'm gonna think about that in a minute. Yeah, just I'm just gonna literally visualize taking that, put that to the side, like I'm here now. Maybe concentrate on your breath. Just okay, in, out. Yeah. Because while you're doing that, you can't think about the other side. Yeah, true. So that's your time. That's it. You don't need to add more time.

Dom Hind 27:27

Thank God.

Elkie Hughes 27:28

You focus on yourself.

Dom Hind 27:30

Yep.

Elkie Hughes 27:31

And that's time.

Dom Hind 27:32

Yeah, you're done. There you go. You made data, didn't even know. Yeah, but I was thinking in that time, not feeling. Yeah.

Programming, Parenting, And Better Questions

Dom Hind 27:38

Um for people who are hearing this concept, the subconscious and the conscious, for the first time, what what do they need to take out of it?

Elkie Hughes 27:51

Um, understanding that your conscious mind is your okay, so alright, no, let's do it this way. Your subconscious mind takes up 90 to 95%. So we're operating subconsciously at that level. Yeah. So 10%, 5 to 10% is a conscious thought. So while you think you're in control, you're actually not. And we all have them, we can't escape it. Because I mean, of course, like the whole bodily function and all that stuff, like that's how we survive. Yeah. Um, so great, tick, good. But also when we're talking about programming and beliefs, they're set in from conception. So you're in here until about seven, eight. And that's just the way it is. Like, because it five, like again, five, four, six, you're not like, oh, that's a question. No, I'm not gonna take that on. We don't have the capacity to do that at that age. We just take that. So it's not until we're you know beyond that, our front frontal lobes developed, we're all like, oh, okay, right, okay. Now I can do it. So now I can go right, Y, Y, Y, X. Okay, let's do this, let's do that.

Dom Hind 29:16

Um, okay, great, great. Um so these beliefs, how are they shaped or how can we shift them? So I even when you were talking about that, like I'm like, oh God, poor Leighton and Halle, they're already stuffed by a lot of people.

Elkie Hughes 29:41

Yeah, but look, I mean, we're talking about limiting here, right? Yeah, yeah. We're not, you know, like we've all got encouraging great positive, you know, beliefs that we think are we we think they're conscious though, but we we have we have as many, you know, limiting uh well, maybe we don't, but we also have encouraging positive beliefs, okay? So there's not limiting, we're talking about limiting. Yeah, yeah. Okay, fine. So um what was the question? So I haven't stuffed them up yet. No, no, no, no, look, have you stuffed them up? Look, I mean, but that's why we're talking about the cycle of life, right? Because where does it start? Yeah.

Dom Hind 30:22

Um I haven't started. I do think even with that, like there's uh asking the kids the questions, like just questions that you wouldn't normally ask them. It's it's been something really interesting. So we got this pack of cards which had questions on them. Oh, yeah, I've heard about this. Yeah, which are which are great because at dinner we're all asked two questions each, and it's stuff that I wouldn't normally have asked the kids or they wouldn't have normally asked me. Yeah, and it just gives me a little insight into what they think and how they feel. Yeah, which is more what they think. But you know, like it's it is something nice to do.

Elkie Hughes 30:59

Yeah. That's awesome. We we had something similar actually. My stepdaughter lives with us at the moment, and you know, like we come from work, it's like, how are you? How's your day? Yeah, good. Yeah, you know, how is your day? You you're gonna say good, bad. You're not gonna really, especially me, like, oh I I I'm not going into all the feelings. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, it was good. It was shit. You know, like I'm getting it straight. Good shit, great, bad. And and so we had this conversation um around how look, maybe we need to, and it was on Steve Bartlett's. I think it was Steve Bartlett. And it and so the new question is um, what was the highlight of your day?

Dom Hind 31:37

Oh, yeah. We do we also do high low buffer light and yeah, yeah.

Elkie Hughes 31:40

Oh, actually, like that's a whole other yeah, you know, um question that you can elaborate on and you feel like you want to answer, yeah. Um, and you can still say because also what was the low light of your day? Well, you know, this and this and fucking that. So you still get that, but you know, you still and again, you're like you're talking, and it's okay to have those feelings. We have to have those feelings. Yeah, I agree. I do, I really agree. And and and and more to that with have you stuff the kids up. The thing that I don't think we really think about is we okay, I'm gonna get a little bit spiritual. Yeah, yeah. We're gonna go. We've all come to Earth, this is my belief, to experience all of the feelings. Yeah, to experience all that life has to offer joy, love, grief, anger, sadness, frustration, rage. Yeah, we're here to experience all of that. So, you know, where's the perfect in that? Yeah, there's no perfect in that. Well, it's whole. That we're doing it, the whole is the perfect, yeah.

Dom Hind 32:49

The whole is the perfect. That's it. Okay, good.

Trauma Can Be Subtle

Dom Hind 32:52

Um, when people hear the word trauma, they often think of something very dramatic. But trauma can actually be much more subtle than that. How do you deform what define trauma in the work that you do?

Elkie Hughes 33:08

Um, trauma can be anything from I was bitten by a dog and now I'm scared of them.

Dom Hind 33:15

Yeah, right.

Elkie Hughes 33:15

Right, to Billy doesn't want to play with me. Yeah. Um to sexual abuse, yeah. To um, you know, I mean losing your loved one.

Dom Hind 33:27

Yeah.

Elkie Hughes 33:28

So I think it's very vast. I think when we're talking about PTSD, I think that is different. Um trauma. Yeah. Yeah. It can be the smallest thing. Yeah, it can be.

Dom Hind 33:43

Or it can be a lifetime of something.

Elkie Hughes 33:45

And it can be a lifetime, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and and to shift that as well is simple. To get to it, it might not be, but to shift it is the same process, and it is quite simple to do.

Dom Hind 34:00

Yeah.

How Psych-K Releases What We Hold

Dom Hind 34:01

Um, you work with modalities like psyche K and energy work to help shift subconscious beliefs. You spoke about it a little bit before, but how does it work?

Elkie Hughes 34:14

Okay, so it's it is spiritual and it is scientifically based. So it's it's epigenetics.

Dom Hind 34:20

Yep.

Elkie Hughes 34:21

Um, so and that's the whole belief, right? So we've established the whole where to subconscious given new belief. How do we shift them? So we're working with the left and right brain to um bring that back into a whole brain state in relation to the trauma or the belief, right? Or the limiting belief. Yes. Um we establish that through muscle testing. Yes. And then we sit in a position that we've muscle tested where you cross your hands and connect your fingers and you cross your ankles. Now it could be left over right, right over left. Yeah. And then you'll sit there and you'll feel into uh the trauma, or you will repeat the limiting belief that we've established. Okay. Okay. Yeah. And then you'll sit in it, close your eyes, sit in it. Could take seconds, could take a minute, could take seven minutes, is probably the longest for someone that I've worked with. Uh and it literally leaves your body. So and you know through either you'll feel um something shift physically, mentally, or emotionally. Yeah. And it could be a cough, it could be a my eyes open, it's done, it could, you could get tingles, like it's different for everyone. Yeah. But what I want to say about that is is so with trauma specifically, we hold that in our body.

Dom Hind 35:57

Yeah.

Elkie Hughes 35:57

So we retain that in our muscle memory. So when you have a trauma, it's there. It's not, oh, that happened and now it's over. Yeah, it's over. Like, you know, it's the the what happened is over, but you've held the trauma in your physical. So you're going through life with that trauma. So, and when we look at something, and I don't want to say it's, you know, getting bitten by a dog is small, yeah, because it's not, but when we talk about that versus someone who's gone to war, yeah, it's the same reaction, the same response. So you see a dog and you've gone straight back into that trauma. You hear a um car backfire, yeah, yeah, you go straight back into that trauma. So your body reacts, and that's why subconscious, like sub because consciously, yeah, you know, you you know, like, oh that dog's fine. Like, I'm holy fuck, holy fuck. That dog's fine. Holy fucking shit. Oh my god, yeah, you know, you so it that and so that that whole brain position, it's got a whole brain position, shifts that out of your physical. I know it sounds cuckoo, yeah, and woo-woo, I know it does, but it is incredible, yeah, and it and it works. Yeah, if you're willing, and if because I need to also test, is it safe? Yeah, yeah, you know, um is it ready? And and you know, we go through that.

Dom Hind 37:26

Yeah, also are you I I know it sounds weird, but even are you ready? Are you ready to let go?

Elkie Hughes 37:31

Yeah, and and some people like no, and I had a client who sexually abused, and he was actually going to court and he came to see me, and we did everything, and I'm like, I'm getting no, like, no, no, no. And I'm like, Are you sure you're ready like to let this go? And he's like, No, I don't want to, I need to hold on to it for court because the anger. Yeah, and so yeah, you have to be ready. If you're not ready, it's not going anywhere. And that's part of the testing if it's safe. If you're not ready, yeah, uh you know, it's not happening. Um so yeah, you do have to be ready.

Dom Hind 38:07

Yeah, yeah. Um okay. What okay, we've we've done that one. Uh what do you see changes in confidence, relationships, health, or happiness after you have released it?

Elkie Hughes 38:23

Uh what do I see? Um so instantly people leave a session with me feeling a light. Yes. Um, they feel like a weight's lifted, they might be beaming from ear to ear, they might just feel more grounded. It's always positive apart from that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um and then from there, I can't like I can't determine or predict what's actually going to happen. Yep. That's between you and God, yeah, yeah. Or your your God, whatever. Um But I've had I've had people who haven't spoken for years because they've been arguing and they've now reconnected. Yeah, right. So it yeah. I've had people who you know can't get that um promotion, can't, you know, want to want to find their soulmate or their true love, can't find that. You know, they've had you know, and it go so the limiting br with that, the limiting belief could be they're too scared to go out there because they're not good enough, right?

Dom Hind 39:34

Yeah, yeah.

Elkie Hughes 39:34

You know, it could be that they're out there now. You know, it's the journey is is yours. I don't know what your journey is. Yeah, yeah. Um, but you go through life feeling more connected. Things definitely occur um and more in line with who you are.

Dom Hind 39:56

Yeah. It's interesting. So, I mean, when you talk about journey, something that I have only realised in the last few years is, you know, my mum has battled anorexia all of her life, and she's now 71 or 71 this year. She still has anorexia. And I tried all of my life, all of my life to try and help her and try and fix her. And you know, it was me who admitted it a hospital three years ago, and I finally realized and let go that it's actually not my journey, it's hers, and it's hard, like it's really tough. It's but I had to give myself that space because I couldn't hold it anymore, and I didn't want to hold it anymore. Yeah, because it does just I mean that it's a massive self-limiting belief, that one.

Elkie Hughes 40:50

It's it's huge, yeah. But it's also huge that you've been able to do that.

Dom Hind 40:54

Well, yeah, it is like it's hard, it's hard, it is and you do question yourself a lot, but you know, it's it's it's her journey, it's not mine. Yeah. That's a tough one.

Elkie Hughes 41:06

Uh that is a tough one. That's the I I had to go through that with mum. It's a tough one. Yeah, yeah.

Dom Hind 41:13

Um,

Ageing, Recovery, And Letting Go

Dom Hind 41:14

does it get easier to accept ourselves as we get older?

Elkie Hughes 41:20

Um look, I think it does. If you do the work, it does. Yeah, if you do the work, if you do the work, it doesn't do the work. Yeah, you can shift those with great. Um, but I think there's levels because right now I'm in the stage of menopause, paramenopause. Yeah, yeah. Like there is shit that I have to accept that I didn't think I'd have to accept. Yeah, yeah. Like, so there's different levels of that as you go through life. Like you're like, yeah, I'm great, everything's great, I'm I'm accepting of all parts of myself, and then holy fuck. Something else happens. Something else happens. So I think we're constantly, again, it's the constantly evolving, working on yourself. And when I say working on yourself, it is the awareness. Yeah, right. It's like once you've seen the other side, you can't go back, you're in that state of you know, I'm gonna work on this, or I'm gonna take accountability for myself and I'm gonna do it this way. Um, I think I think it gets easier because of experience, but it's yeah, again, it's it is it's everyone's journey is different.

Dom Hind 42:30

Yeah, it is, and it is kind of like it's you're right, like the self-acceptance thing. Like before I had knee surgery, shoulder surgery, eye surgery this year, I was really happy with how I was training, how fit I was, like all of that. And then I've had to go through recovery and rehab, and I'm like, oh, this is the most boring thing. I'm not challenged, I'm not happy with how I I feel because I'm not pushing myself, but I have to accept that that's where I am right now. Yeah. And so what's the flip side of that?

Elkie Hughes 43:02

Oh, yeah, I beat myself up, yeah. Or I like, yeah. Yeah, and then going one step further, okay, I'm accepting where I'm at. Yeah. Okay, what what can I do now? Yeah. So because there again, it's the it's the resistance, yes, what you resist persists. So once you accept it, it's like, oh, well, hang on, no, I can do this. Yeah. Even though I can't go to the gym, uh, do all the things that you want to do, oh, that's an opportunity for something else. Yes. And that's the awareness.

Dom Hind 43:37

Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, I know awareness. So your awareness is my observe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, have you noticed shift in your own sept self acceptance over time? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Elkie Hughes 43:50

Yeah, I used to hate myself.

Dom Hind 43:52

Yeah, right.

Elkie Hughes 43:53

Oh, I didn't, yeah. Yeah. So what changed then? Uh, what changed for me I left out of time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that it's different now. Yeah, it is different now. What changed for me? I I got a calling that wouldn't go away until I answered it. It was to go to Israel. Yeah. And that was never on my radar. Yeah. But at one point, but one day it's just like and I kept getting this. And I'm like, oh, I've got to go. And um I took off, and for you know, for me it was I found my soul. Yeah, right. So that's that and that was huge. It's like I went home to work out who I was.

Dom Hind 44:44

Yeah.

Elkie Hughes 44:45

Um the other thing was like two big things. Like I lost mum at 40, 30, 34, 33, 34. When stuff like that happens, like your whole foundation goes, like you don't give a fuck about anything. Yeah. Um, so you you reevaluate stuff.

Dom Hind 45:02

So but also like that, it makes you re-evaluate life and how precious it actually is.

Elkie Hughes 45:09

Yeah. Yeah. And that's then, you know, I I did a few things, but then the Israel trip came. Once I started to kind of work through the grief, I then got that calling. So they weren't connected, like losing mom and that trip. Um but I certainly stopped giving a fuck about what everyone thought.

Dom Hind 45:32

Yeah.

Elkie Hughes 45:33

And I think that trip gave me the grounding to go, this is me.

Dom Hind 45:38

Yeah.

Elkie Hughes 45:39

And I'm accepting all of it because maybe I've got something else to give. You know, like, and again, like when I even say that, when that comes out, I kind of go, well, you know, it's that expectation of what does society want me to give? Give, yeah, yeah. Versus, well, what he this is what I have to offer. Yeah. Yeah, interesting.

Dom Hind 46:00

Wow. Okay. Um if you could go back and tell your younger self one thing about self-worth, what would it be?

Elkie Hughes 46:12

Oh gosh. Um self-worth comes from other people's judgments, not your own. Wow. Yeah, that's a good one. Yeah. Yeah. Or other people's perceptions or other people's crap. No, no, I reckon yeah, it does. Other people's baggage, other people's everything. Yeah, not not your own. Not your own.

Dom Hind 46:39

Yeah. Okay, good.

Rapid Fire Truths And One-Minute Practices

Dom Hind 46:41

All right. Now we're moving on to a rapid fire question round. Are you ready? Um, what's one belief about happiness that's actually wrong?

Elkie Hughes 46:50

Um, I think everyone's happiness is different and is fuelled by different things. It's not all the same.

Dom Hind 46:57

No, it definitely is not. What's one thing people misunderstand about subconscious beliefs? They think they're in control.

Elkie Hughes 47:07

One small daily habit that supports emotional well-being. If you can find one minute, if you can find more, great. If you can find one minute to just center and connect into your heart, that's gonna set you up for the day.

Dom Hind 47:25

Amazing. One thing women underestimate about their own inner strength.

Elkie Hughes 47:31

They don't, we don't realize how strong we are. Like we don't, we underestimate the power and the strength that we actually have.

Dom Hind 47:43

Yeah. Yep, I agree with that. Uh, your mood in one word right now. With me singing it like that.

Elkie Hughes 47:54

Oh gosh, happy, joyful, passion, yeah, yeah, joyful, joy, happy, content. Okay, that's more than one word.

Dom Hind 48:01

Yeah, you can have a you can have a string, a bag of yeah. Um, truth bomb. What's one thing about happiness and self-acceptance that more people need to hear? Oh gosh, okay. Uh give give that give that. Okay, okay. What's one truth about happiness and self-acceptance that more people need to hear?

Elkie Hughes 48:26

Okay, your happiness is your own. Don't measure it by anyone else's expectations. Love that too. Yeah. This isn't me talking about the way. Yeah, yeah. And um self-acceptance. Self-acceptance. Oh, okay.

Dom Hind 49:00

Self-acceptance. Give it to me again. Okay. What's one truth about happiness?

Elkie Hughes 49:04

What's one truth about self-acceptance that more people need to hear you in order to s to um accept yourself, you need to go within. Yeah. It's about going within and connecting here, but not listening to all the noise out there. Because we have everything we need. Yeah. Yeah. We have it, it's there. So if we can just find that silence or that moment to just listen to ourselves, and again, it's not easy, but yeah. Then you'll hear it. And again, I know that's not easy.

Dom Hind 49:47

Yeah.

Elkie Hughes 49:48

But you we have it within. So if we're listening to ourselves, our truth is here. Yeah. It's not out there. Nah, not out there.

Dom Hind 49:56

It is all within you. Yeah. Okay, last question. Um, if I could do one thing before I turn 50 that would make me feel more connected to myself, or to accept myself, or accept the whole version of myself, what would it be?

Elkie Hughes 50:21

It's again, it's going within. If you can find time, and it could, again, it could be a minute, it could be longer. It's look for for people, for people like I've been doing this for a while, so I can just go, okay, connect in. Yeah, one minute, great, go, done. But I know that's hard. And it wasn't always that quick for me. Yes. Oh, is that long enough? Hey, where am I getting it? I've learned now to go, okay, in, done, done, done.

Dom Hind 50:49

Yeah.

Elkie Hughes 50:50

It if you can find it how long did that take you to do?

Dom Hind 50:55

Like years, months, weeks? Oh, uh years. Yeah.

Elkie Hughes 51:04

But again, but again, it was like, okay, it comes to the so it's it's all in one, right? Like it's it's under it's the self-acceptance to go, you're fine, everything is fine, you are whole, complete, and perfect just as you are, and you're perfectly imperfect just as you are, right? Like it's all it doesn't have to look a certain way. Yeah. Connect in. Um, yeah, it did take me a while, and then now I can do it really quickly. If you though can carve out half an hour even in a week, yes, to just connect, and if it means for you you do need, you know, the meditation, you do need a guided meditation, or you can just go down and put your feet in the water and just go, okay, I'm present. My feet are in the water, I'm present. Stare out there into the onto the horizon or whatever, or into the water. Look for the sharks. Oh no, don't we trigger, trigger, trauma, trauma. Um if you can just do that, like and focus, you because meditation is focus focusing on one thing. Yeah. So you can literally sit here and I can take you into it, and you're focusing on that leaf. Like it's not the um and it's it is that, but it's also not that. Yeah. So it's about if you can sit, light a candle, look at that candle, and focus on that for one, two, three, four, five minutes, you'll find the muscle gets stronger. It's the same as going to the gym and doing your bicep curls. Yeah. The muscle gets stronger. It's the same concept. So it's just carving out that time and your intention, have an intention of I'm gonna connect. I'm connecting within. And if you can do that, and again, guys, it's like one minute. Yeah, yeah. Don't think it has to be I have to sit there for an hour and meditate. Yeah, it's not that. It's not correct. If you like walking, like you can walk and meditate, yeah, because again, it's the intention. Feel the rhythm. You you not only connect in here, but you're connecting in physically because you're going with the rhythm, so you're walking and you're I get a lot of my ideas through walking. Yeah, right. Um, so it's that, and again, it doesn't have to look a certain way. Find what works for you and just still your mind.

Dom Hind 53:29

Okay. Yeah, yeah, perfect. Great, great. It's just basically another thing to lose. No joking, joking, joking. Okay, all right, yes. Uh, yes, thank you so much.

Elkie Hughes 53:44

You're welcome.

Dom Hind 53:45

Uh thanks for having me. It was uh lovely to have you here and lovely to see you again. Um, because the truth is so many of us spend years trying to improve ourselves, trying to be better, stronger, more productive, more successful. But sometimes the real shift doesn't come from becoming someone new, it comes from finally accepting the parts of ourselves we've been trying to hide and letting go of the pressure to constantly optimize who we actually are. Because happiness isn't about becoming perfect, it's about becoming whole. Keyword whole. Whole. Uh Elkie, thank you for helping women reconnect with themselves in such a powerful way. If you want to learn more about Elkie's work, uh, we'll link everything in the show notes. And if this conversation resonated with you, please send it on to someone else. Because sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is remind each other that we are already enough. Because fuck, we're nearly 50, and isn't it amazing?