78. Trolling Comments to Genuine Compliments

This episode covers a lot and it's a true peek into my brain and what goes on there!

I move through a real-life contrast: a nasty Instagram comment about my past and a thoughtful compliment from a listener just hours later. I use that swing to unpack duality, emotional neutrality, and how we can protect our energy while still staying honest with ourselves. 

• posting online means inviting criticism and deciding what deserves a response 
• choosing neutrality without deleting your feelings or gaslighting yourself 
• how assumptions and shame keep people silent about abusive relationships 
• pursuing a dream with full focus and accepting what it costs 
• getting a hobby for pure joy in a monetized culture 
• learning creative skills slowly and wrestling with when art is finished 
• living in the liminal space and doing small things that match your future self 

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Transcript

Welcome And Creative Intentions

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Welcome to the Unbreakable Mind and Body Podcast. I am your host, Tiana Gonzalez, a multi-passionate creative, storyteller, and entrepreneur with a fierce love for movement. This is our space for powerful stories and actionable strategies to help you build mental resilience and elevate your self-care practice. Together, we will unlock the tools that you need to create an unbreakable mind and body. Welcome back. I am your host, Tiana, and this episode is going to be a mishmash of a whole bunch of things because I have really given myself a lot of time to be creative. And so therefore the juices are flowing, and I have so many things I want to talk about with you today. By the end of this episode, you will walk away with some interesting ideas about how I see life progressing and the duality in which we live in. And I'm also going to make some recommendations for you because there's something really important that I feel a lot of us forget about as we mature and age and become adults and then move on into like our later years in life. Now, I certainly don't consider myself a senior. Even though if you had asked me at that time, I would say, yeah, I'm I'm being true to myself. I know for a fact I

Troll Comment And Online Criticism

SPEAKER_00 1:45

wasn't. So the first thing I want to talk about is how I woke up yesterday morning and there was a trolling comment on a reel that I posted on Instagram. Now, here's the thing: when you post content on anything and you put it out onto the internet, you are subjecting yourself to criticism. And it is part of the reason why so many of us don't do it. And it is part of the reason why so many of us wear masks. We choose to use filters. We might even filter our thoughts, ideas, and our intellectual property. Because one, it could be super unique, two, maybe you don't want someone to steal it. And three, maybe there's a little bit of uh, you know, something being sacred to you that you just want it for yourself and you don't necessarily want to share it with the world, and that's absolutely okay. But this video that I posted was basically saying it was a B-roll video with music, with words on the screen that basically said, You can't hurt me. When I was escaping an abusive relationship, I had to take on three jobs to pay back debt that I inherited. And the person who left a comment basically alluded to the fact that, oh, since I was emotionally abusing my partner and he decided to leave, that I didn't have a honeypot to extract from and I had to actually work to pay my own bills. And I just could not stop laughing. I just could not stop laughing because that couldn't be any further from the truth. Now, first let me say years ago, I would have been really defensive. I might have tried to engage with this person, or I would have sent them a message, or I would have deleted the comment. I did none of the above. They will be not not be getting a reaction from me. They don't deserve it. Because the reality is, first of all, it could be a fake profile, in which case, whoever that is, they really need to get a life. But also, I kind of feel bad for this person because it's like, is your life really that bad that this is how you're choosing to spend your time by leaving a really rude comment on a stranger's video? Okay, I feel bad for you. Like, wow, your life must really be horrible.

Duality And Choosing Neutrality

SPEAKER_00 4:26

And here's the thing within a few hours, on the same morning, I went to the gym, I saw a friend, and one, I found out he's a loyal listener to the show. And two, he gave me a really nice compliment about how he's enjoying the podcast. He likes the topics I talk about, and he said I have a great voice. So it's like this stark contrast and the swing with the emotions, you know, that pendulum. Because earlier that day, I had gotten this horrible comment about something that I put out into the world. And then a few hours later, I got a great compliment about the things I'm putting out into the world. And so the moral of the story is that both things can be true, and you don't have to let everything affect you. You can choose to be neutral, or you can choose to take anything as constructive criticism or feedback, or you could just accept the compliment. And it's really up to you to decide how you want to receive those things. Now, when it comes to two things being true, what I mean by that is maybe we will experience different emotions. And so I wasn't really affected by the negative comment, but it did make me stop and think about this. Is exactly why I don't share some of my stories with the world, or this is exactly why I don't talk about when I was in an abusive relationship because I feel shame about it. Here's the thing: it's comments like that where someone's making assumptions that causes people to stay silent. And and oh, by the way, there are a lot of men that are in abusive relationships. It's not only about women or women saying that they're in a bad situation and that they're trying to get out of it. There are a lot of instances in where a man is in a relationship and he's the one who's and who's the victim, you know, where he's the one being treated poorly. And it's horrible. It's absolutely horrible. So I think it's worth showing a little kindness and being patient. You never really know what someone's going through behind closed doors. And then I also think if somebody's doing something great and it's helping you, let them know. So those two experiences I had within, I don't know, a couple hours. And it was just, it was so interesting. It made me stop and think. It made me really question, you know, how am I presenting myself into the world? And is there something that I want to improve upon? And that's that's just literally where I'm at with things. But this this was such an interesting experience for me to sit with. Now, the second thing I want to talk to you about, and I told you this episode is going to be all over the map. The second

Dreams That Come With A Cost

SPEAKER_00 7:37

thing I wanted to talk about is how I mentioned to someone earlier today, they asked me if I had kids, and I said, No, I don't have any kids. And uh, it was two gentlemen that are members at the gym. One is uh a retired bodybuilder, and the other is his friend. And we're just talking about our kids, showing where they were showing me pictures of their kids on their phone, and you know, really nice people. And when I said, Oh no, I don't have any kids, and the one friend said, you know, oh, why not? And I said, Well, I was pursuing my bodybuilding career, you know, that was my dream, and I was all in. And the other gentleman who is also a bodybuilder, he goes, Yeah, I I've I knew you were really serious about it back in the day. I had heard you, you know, went all out and like really gave your heart and soul to it, and you were pursuing the pro card and you wanted to have a career in it. And I said, Yeah, absolutely. And for me, where I was mentally at that time, that was the most important thing to me. It was my hobby, which turned into my passion, which turned into my dream. And I had laser beam focus on it. Now, it cost me, and that's okay. But I want you to know, like, don't feel badly if you don't want what your, you know, people, your friends, your family, what your even what your significant other, like, if you don't want the same things as them, don't feel badly about that. Maybe you want to pursue a certain hobby that requires you to travel. Maybe you want to do something that is gonna take up your weekends, but like if you absolutely love it, why aren't you doing it? Because the time is gonna pass and you're gonna be maybe letting your supplies or your gear, like maybe you do a sport of some sort and you're just letting it collect dust. Now, things do change when life changes. Maybe your job changes, you get kids, or you move, or whatever that the case may be. And so things shift for you. Uh but if something is really pulling on your heart, you've gotta at least partake in it. You've got to pursue it. And,

Hobbies For Joy Not Profit

SPEAKER_00 10:02

you know, this leads me to my third point of this episode, which is you should get a hobby if you don't have one. I think it's really, really important to do things for the simple pleasure of doing them. We live in this era, this time where everything is monetized. People, they they sketch a couple of doodles in a notebook, and all of a sudden they have an Instagram account and they're selling, you know, little pieces of artwork, or they create an Etsy store. And listen, I I'm not gonna knock anyone's hustle, but not everything needs to be monetized, not everything needs to be turned into a business. You can do things because you love doing it. You can do things because they make you happy, you can do things because you enjoy learning about yourself through the process. I have come to a conclusion about myself with my artwork. I started painting two years ago, acrylic on stretched canvas, and I'm okay. I think that I have a good natural base, but I lack technical skills. So most of the things I paint are kind of abstract, and I've I've gotten a pencil, a couple a couple pencils and a notebook. I've practiced in the notebook because I think sketching will help me with my painting, meaning learning how to create things that look more realistic, like facial features, pieces of fruit, objects, like a wine glass or uh, you know, even a leaf or a flower. I've I've done a couple of pencil sketches of those things. But I'm struggling with the painting because I'm very limited in my ability. So if I can stretch myself a little bit and really learn some of these new things or figure out how to do it, my painting will improve significantly. Now, what's fun is I have a couple pieces that are really, really good. And then I have a couple pieces that are just eh, they're okay. From afar, they look great, but up close you can see that they really need some improvement. And I'm kind of at a point where I will just get bored with the painting and move on to the next, and then I'll go back and forth, and it's hard for me to actually decide when something is finished, when something is done, when I want to put my name on it and move on from it permanently. And I wonder if that's a common thing with people who paint for hobbying or people who draw. Like, at what point do you know that something is actually done? Now, I've talked to other artists and they just say, Well, you'll know it's done when you know, you know, you'll just know when you know. And I guess I will figure out what that means in time. And I just have to do it a little bit more. But I am happy to say that I sketched, I sketched over the weekend, I worked on a nose and um a wine glass. The wine glass did not come out that good, but the nose is pretty good. And it's really just about being super, super patient and just being very gentle with the pencil, not pressing too hard and just going over and over and over, like hundreds of times over the same space, shading differently, and just seeing how that looks, what it what comes out, you know. Now there's one more thing I want to talk to you about, and I appreciate you sitting with me as I ramble because this is literally how my brain functions.

Living In The Liminal Space

SPEAKER_00 14:03

There's something called the liminal space. And the liminal space, this is subject number four, by the way. The liminal space is this in-between. I've talked about this on other episodes in the past, like with caterpillars when they're in the cocoon and they're they're not quite a caterpillar anymore. They kind of become this like soupy, watery substance, and they're going through their changes, their metamorphosis to become the butterfly. And that's similar to the liminal space that we are in when we are becoming someone new. Now you're gonna ask me, Well, I'm not really becoming someone new. I'm still gonna be me. Yes, you are. But if you are working on yourself, if you're doing some type of self-improvement, or you're learning a skill, or um starting a business, or studying a subject, who you are at the end of that process is a new version of yourself because now you've gained all of that knowledge and experience. And when you're thinking about the next version of yourself and what their life looks like, or if you're envisioning a future, you know, it's really exciting, right? Maybe you envision having a house somewhere or living in a certain area, or your business is doing a certain number, like monthly income. Let's say, you know, you you pick a random number for yourself that is satisfying for you. I know I have a number that I want to hit in profit month over month, and I'm nowhere near it, but I know I'll get there. And so even just in saying that, like I know I'm I know I'm gonna get there, knowing you're gonna get there, what do you do in the 3D reality that you're living in where you're not quite there yet, but you're working towards it and you're not forcing it. You're trusting your intuition, you're trusting the signs that you're receiving, you're listening for any sort of cues or direction or where looking for where things look easy, but your 3D situation doesn't match what your future holds for you yet. What do you do with that? So uh the short answer is you have fun and you make sure that you feel good and you do things that the future version of you will enjoy. And it sounds crazy, right? So here's an example I have a friend, she lives in Chicago, and she teaches this principle of like, you know, if you want to live a wealthier life, the answer to it is not to cut back on your lifestyle or to downsize so you can save money so that you can become wealthy. No, you actually want to continue and look for ways to make your life feel easier and better and more enjoyable. And one of the things she does is she goes to Starbucks almost every day and she gets a matcha, uh like matcha latte. And, you know, it's I don't know, maybe four or five, maybe even six dollars at this point. And that is something that makes her feel really good. She enjoys it. She sips it in the car and she's like on her way to the gym, and it just gives her peace and it's warm and it's soothing, it gives her energy, and she loves it. And sometimes she'll buy the people in the if she's in the drive-thru, the people in the car behind her, she'll buy their drinks as well. Like she'll leave $20 or whatever with the uh barista. And for her, that helped her feel like she was wealthier before she got there, and it was a habit where she was pampering herself and treating herself and feeling good and enjoying life and having fun. And I loved that so much. Now, truth be told, I don't love Starbucks as much as I used to, but I do indulge in very good coffee every day, and I take my time with it. I I believe even if I have to wake up super early, which is usually around 5 a.m., I need that little buffer of time to just sit and sip my coffee and prepare myself for the day. I try not to get on the phone too much, but just sort of ease into the morning and then think about okay, what am I gonna wear? Where, where am I gonna, you know, how am I gonna style my hair today? What am I gonna wear to work out? I gotta throw those clothes in my bag, and you know, just sort of relax and breathe. And I will tell you right now, this works. So if you are on your way to becoming someone else, or you're leveling up your life, and maybe your 3D reality does not align with who you are becoming yet. Keyword is yet. I want you to think about what is something that you can do right now that makes you feel good, that feels like fun, that brings you joy, that's uh an energy or a frequency that you can easily tap into so that you can maintain that feel-good vibration and continue to emit that out into the universe so that you attract more of that back into your life. Now,

Quick Recap And Next Steps

SPEAKER_00 19:58

this episode was all over the map, and we're 20 minutes in, and I'm just about done, but I want to go back and just review what we talked about today. So the first thing was living in contrast or in duality and knowing that multiple things can be true at the same time, and it can be confusing, but it is absolutely valid to feel good about certain things and to feel not so great about other things, and it can be happening simultaneously. It means you're alive. Another thing related to that is this choice of neutrality. So you can choose to allow things to affect you on a visceral level, or you can choose to be neutral. However, I want to say one thing about this: don't gaslight yourself. So if something is actually bothering you, do not tell yourself, oh, it doesn't bother me, I'm fine. But really, you're not. Instead, I would say acknowledge those feelings, allow yourself to feel them, and then ask yourself, why do I feel this way? And then ask yourself again, but why do I feel this way? But why, but why, but why? Like a child with a curious mind, because you will get down to the answer, you will drill down and you will realize it's not that important. But you have to go through that exercise. So the second thing we talked about was pursuing your dream and understanding that sometimes it's gonna cost you. And for me, it cost me uh getting married and having kids, and I'm okay with that. Um, kids say that's probably that ship has sailed. I I can't have kids of my own anymore. Maybe I'll adopt one day. I don't know, but probably not because I really like to have my freedom. Um then we talked about getting a hobby and how important I think that is for everyone. Any kind of hobby. Maybe you take photos, maybe you surf, maybe you draw, maybe you paint, maybe you dance. You need to honor your inner child and continue to pursue things. That makes you happy. Or if you don't know what they are, start exploring. And then the last thing was about living in the liminal space where you're not quite who you want to be yet, but you know you're well on your way there. And what are the things that you can do right now in your current situation to help you feel good, to stay on that high vibe, to bring you some joy, and to get you to continue to move in that in that angle or to keep that momentum going. So this episode was all over the map. And I appreciate you riding with me. 22 and a half minutes in, and I made my points. I appreciate you. If you want to stay in touch, check the show notes for how to do that. I'm grateful for your time and attention as always. And I'll catch you on the next one.