
Therapists Unhinged | Real Talk on Mental Health, Burnout & Therapy Culture
Therapists Unhinged explores mental health and personal growth through relatable, light-hearted conversations led by the team at Bella Mental Health. Designed to break the stigma around therapy, each episode dives into topics like anxiety, healing alternatives, and emotional wellbeing, without the clinical jargon.
You can expect a balance of professional insight and real-life experience. This show invites you to feel seen, supported, and empowered in your own journey.
Therapists Unhinged | Real Talk on Mental Health, Burnout & Therapy Culture
How To MASTER Resilience - From Breakdown to Breakthrough | Therapists Unhinged Ep. 2
In this episode, we officially kick off our podcast by diving into the topic of resilience. We explore what resilience means, emphasizing the idea of "bouncing back" from life's challenges, whether they be personal struggles like divorce or financial trauma. Our discussion highlights the importance of self-awareness and recognizing our limitations, as well as the necessity of giving ourselves permission to take breaks when needed.
We share personal anecdotes about our experiences with resilience, including the challenges we face in our roles as nurturers and caregivers. We discuss how our relationships and support systems play a crucial role in our ability to cope and move forward. The conversation also touches on the stigma surrounding vulnerability, particularly for women, and how showing our true selves can actually model resilience for our children.
Throughout the episode, we emphasize the significance of gratitude and maintaining a positive outlook, even in tough times. We remind our listeners that resilience is built over time and that it's okay to seek help and lean on our "village" when needed. As we wrap up, we encourage everyone to embrace their unique journeys and to remember that strength comes from both our struggles and our triumphs.
Therapists Unhinged is where mental health gets real. Hosted by licensed therapists who tell it like it is, this podcast dives deep into the messy, meaningful, and hilarious parts of being human. From mastering resilience to navigating the chaos of everyday life, we bring raw conversations, expert insights, and unfiltered honesty...no jargon, no BS.
New episodes drop weekly. Subscribe, leave a review, and come unhinge with us.
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We're the characters, we're the nurturers, especially when we're doing stuff like this. It's not like we can just have a bad day, come in and do a little data entry, but we are I got to make sure that I'm showing that I'm, I'm okay. But really there's times where I'm like, I'm not okay. I can't do And I always share it. Look, if that's the decision you want to make, own Today's kind of our official first podcast, because last week was our intro, kind of what we're about, what we're going to be doing. So today, we are our kind of our topic is going to be a little bit about resilience, how I'm sorry. Professor here, professors in the house. Excuse me. Excuse me, Miss Nella, Lady Boss. I do apologize, but. How about we start with just what is the definition of resilience? Resilience is that bounce back. I call it bounce back. Like I always tell my clients, because sometimes the definition is so long. And you know what I mean? Like, and they try to like, you know, meet that definition. But I always hope it's bounce back, how you bounce back from life's most distressing challenges, whatever that means, like perhaps divorce, how you bounce back, you know, you know, you have kids that are unruly. How do you bounce back? You go through a financial trauma. How do you bounce back? You know, so it's that bounce But could it also be kind of like a rollback? Because sometimes I do not feel like bouncing. That's what I'm saying right now. Y'all know I am Tigger. Sometimes I'm rolling, sometimes I'm crawling, sometimes I'm like... But But it's still resilient. That's what I'm saying. Because you said sometimes people get, we do, we get this whole idea of, well, well, and I'm like, Right. Absolutely. You're already recognized through self-awareness that And I love your definition, because absolutely, that's true. Like and thinking like bounce back. is another thing for me is like how you cope and how you move forward as well. So through all those examples that you gave, one thing is to think about how you're coping while you are moving forward, while you're bouncing back. So that's another thing that kind of pops in my head as far as resilience. Bounce back is different. There are times where we're like, okay, we're moving forward, we're bouncing back. Then there's times where like, I really don't want to melt tonight. I just want to sit and dwell and be upset and just like And that's the thing, but that's when your girls, that's when your village, your peoples, and they say, hey, that's kind of what happened And we're all just like, ooh. Today I'm having like some eye pain. I'm going to the doctor right after this. And like, what keeps me moving forward and saying, you know, like I'm showing up. is what my overall goals are, you know? Like, so it helps me look ahead. So I feel like sometimes that helps if you look ahead and you kind of like, all right, you're gonna have to hit all these humps and little obstacles and stuff, and you know that, but at the end of the day, like, where am I gonna be at the end of that? And so that helps me continue to Listen, I just gotta go there because she's busting out, but my eye hurts, but I'm trying to look ahead. That's why she was bouncing a little sideways. She's like, can I bounce? That's how I was getting tickled when I showed up. And that was the thing. And that's why when we talk about like therapists and we kind of said worse, sometimes people are like, oh yeah, you're this or you're that. You're not supposed to. And I'm like, listen, there's almost a bigger responsibility because We do hold ourselves to a higher standard, just individually, and then as therapists, you know, but at the same time, and that's why I said it's beautiful that we three have this because you can't just go to anybody. And even one of my clients, I was working on that with her this week, and she was saying, you know, I really I don't know who I can go to with this. And sometimes I am starting to like judge and navigate people in my life differently. And I said that, and you know what, that is also self-aware of it because you have, so you know who you can go to with some things. And it doesn't, there's nothing wrong with those people eating something like that. There's a lot of people just can't handle it. There's a lot of, you don't show me blood. I don't do juices. Oh, I'm a doctor of the mind, no juices. You show me something, I'll be on the floor. Can't handle it. That's okay. You just gotta know the, like, you gotta know your filling, filling stations. You got to know where you pour and you got to know where to be poured back into. And not everybody, like say for instance, if you and I are talking and I'm pouring into you, you may not be able to pour into me the way I pour to you. So, you know, and when you don't recognize that, resentment starts to set in and all these other things that are, you know, that could be negative. Just have to know who to Yeah, but wouldn't you say with that too, and it's funny because I talk about with my in my college kids. Oh, last week we were doing their attachment styles. Listen, it could change. It's just, cause they're all looking at me like, really, really? And they're terrified. And I said, but it's funny. I said, because a lot of times, cause you know, I do a ton of couples work and I love couples work, but that's what I always say too. As I said, sometimes, but here's the thing when you, you know, I'm always about love is what you do on purpose, love, find solutions. And a lot of times it is showing up for your partner, for your kids, for your friends, when you know they cannot match. And that that's when you need them where they are. And that's what I'm saying. It's like, that's kind of where I love having, you know, this here, not just professionally, but personally, because we know when, like you said, I'll be Well, and that reminds me to like a part of, again, building resilience is being self-aware. Knowing when we are, like, at a breaking point. Knowing when we know, okay, we need to refocus. Knowing when we gotta reach out to our people to let them know what's going on. Because a lot of times, I know me personally, I hold, because of, like, you know, my role here at home, Sometimes I hold everything in and I'm like, because I gotta, I gotta be strong, right? I gotta make sure that I'm showing that I'm, I'm okay. But really there's times where I'm like, I'm not okay. And I need to exactly like, are you okay? And so I have to like tell, like, you know, I, you know, lean on like my husband or something. I'm like, I'm just, I just, I gotta check out today. There's been times where I've had to, you know, I'm an, you know, we go to these networking events and stuff like that. I purchased tickets. for these things. And the day of, I'm like so bored out and like, I can't go, I can't do it. And like, that's my limitation, my limit. So I think an important part of building resilience as well as not being very, Well, and also, you know, resilience is, you know, again, I thought, did I teach all of this last week? I really think I did. But we were talking about giving yourself commission. Why is it that we cannot, especially strong females, and nothing in our strong males, males, we love y'all. But I mean, we know, I mean, we are, we're the characters, we're the nurturers, especially when we're doing stuff like this. It's not like we can just have a bad day, come in and do a little data entry. Love our data entry, but we are in it. In it. All the time. And I say that a lot to my clients too, because when they're struggling, I go, listen, I go, here's the thing, y'all know me. I go, I'm in it, teaching it, preaching it, living it every single day. And I'm struggling. So, you know, and it's I said, we're human. Got to. And you are human. Even, you know, as we're talking about on last Friday, like last Saturday, because of last Friday, I was like, you know what? I'm not doing anything today. And I was home all day. And I gave myself permission to just be, not be anything to anyone, but just be. You know, and that's how you build resilience, too. You know, just like you said, giving Well, and that's the thing, one of my professors said to me, and he's like, Robin, you're a great human doing. When are you going to be a human being? And I was like, what are you talking about? I said, listen, vulnerability is a state I do not plan to break down in. No, sir. eight hours later, I'm still on the couch. And that's the thing, sometimes Right. And I think some people, too, struggle with... you know, feeling that there are less than because they haven't bounced back, you know, like thinking about clients and stuff, you know, when, when women go through a divorce a lot of times, and this is men too, but I know women specifically, we hold a lot of value, you know, sometimes on family and keeping our kids, you know, safe and together. And once we, feel like we're going to step out of that role and step out of that. We automatically, you know, it's a lot of self-blame. It's a lot of like, how can I do this? You know, questioning what we're going to do next. And so a lot of times I feel like women moms struggle over how they are in front of their children and showing that weakness that they think is weak with our kids. And that projects onto them as well. So I've noticed that a lot when women are struggling, should I get a divorce? Should I break up my family? Should I do this? It's like, you know, what is that going to do to my kids? But really, it's you got to be raw with your kids sometimes, you know, depending on their age, of course, age appropriate. But like, if you have a teen at home, and they see you struggling, that's going to show them, okay, mom, mom is a human, she's not just mom. So I think that's one thing to Well, and it's kind of because, you know, and a couple of things with that, because I know, you know, we do a lot of the family things and, you know, starting to be plugging for the lighthouse, family mediation. But, you know, and it's so funny because should, you know, I was like, don't shut on yourself. Don't shut on, you know, anybody else. And they were like, well, should is a buying word, you know, and I always said, what do you want to do? Where do you see this? I said, because here's the thing. And even in that, I'm like, when I asked my students last week, I said, demographic, age-wise, developmentally, who do you believe is the most resilient? And they said, children. I said, abs are flipping lootly. I said, because they ain't jaded yet. I said, and at the same time, and when you're working with moms and dads, especially in any type of family systems, and I said, but y'all got to be careful. First of all, I said, your children are watching. I said, but your children are half you and half them. And I said, so you start saying something about that partner, that whatever. I said, your child has taken that on. And I said, marriage is a choice. Whoever you date is a choice. But you're only going to be a parent. And I said, but the better you are, the better your children will be. And that is where that resilience comes from. And so it is hard because there is a lot of blame and shame. And I said, look, it just didn't work out. And have you ever had this where one of your people, oh, it's not like I planned on this. And I go, well, I hope not. Why would you plan on a girl getting married about, oh, yeah, well, in 3.7 years, I'm going to go ahead and take this step out. But it's like sometimes I think people don't even And one thing I do to try to empower like a mom, like let's say struggling if they should get a divorce or they are going through a divorce is, you know, think about what you're showing your child on a different angle. you're showing your child, you're worried about, okay, I'm breaking up my family, you know, I'm, you know, weak, or I made some bad decisions. What about showing them how mom push through, bounce back? And yes, and showing them that mom can be happy. And then it's a better person because she's happy and working on herself and knows herself. So that's another thing is like, I think sometimes we're so hyper-focused on what our agenda was, but that can change, that changes, I'm sorry, sometimes it looks good on paper, you know. And even with that, this last week, somebody was, I was working with a situation like that, and I said, but here's the thing. when you are authentic and you know that everything you're doing is out of integrity and out of love. And even the love of the person that you are no longer with, because at some point in time, that love was there. And especially if you have children, I said, But because you are continuing to be stable and consistent and solid and stepping back and putting the children first, no matter what anybody says about you, because none of our business what people say about us. You are creating a space to where that other partner, ex-partner, whatever, is going to be better, because it has to be, because it's a privilege. You know, and so, yes, sustain that now. And yes, it hurts. And yes, it's weird. And but then even with that, it's like, but why are you surprised if their behavior is this? And you thought they were just OK, so you're going to have a tough situation here in marriage. But then in divorce, they're just going to be comparable. Yeah. And like, do what you need to do. Right. And do what you want to do. And, you know, that's It's no judgment. Because I think too, a lot of times, you know, we sometimes feel that others are going to judge us for our decisions. And I always share, look, if that's the decision you want to make, Own it. Own it. It may not look like mine. It may not look like your sister's who, you know, decided to stay or whatever or decided to Right. Right. I know. And I love seeing the transformation with with women and men, you know, who go through such a change like divorce and seeing what type of parent they become, what type of person they become after the fact, and how healed. And that is a part of resilience, because you have bounced back, you have moved forward, and you are now like, maybe have different goals. So your goal may have been to keep your family intact and raise your your children with a, you know, mother or father of your child, but things have changed, things have shifted, people have changed, but if you feel like you've stayed authentic to yourself, you know, that, you know, I know. It's funny. I was looking for some, because I'm a little sans and you said something and I was like, gosh, cause it's something about decisions and you know, and when, when I teach, you know, moral and ethics and critical thinking, and that's really what I do with my college kids is say, listen, I said, You know, everybody's very surface. Everybody's very surface. Surface is fear. Surface is fear. I said, you know, behaviors are what we see and we know that, you know, in psychology and everything else. But I want y'all to really go, what's going behind? What has happened? You know, because people are not just acting out just because they're having that sorry. That's not what it is. But one of it is, you know, what is it? People judge you on the decisions that you made, but they didn't know the choices that you had. But it really is, is that, you know, i when when i do like i'll put them in situations to where like i had a few semester ago beautiful lady beautiful girl she was beautiful i mean just and funny and you know whatever and it was like okay we were talking about like where does that line go and you know oh your boss wants you to do this and hey we're gonna have this contract and you know the guy's gonna make the hotel and you're beautiful so you're gonna show up and you're gonna give him some few drinks to get him to sign this contract and you know like people in the class are looking at me and she's uh you know whatever and then And this is going to happen. You're going to do that. And then I say, you know, because your child is, you know, needing a cancer treatment. You have no health insurance. You don't have anything. So I'm going to give you the $10,000 bonus. And it's so funny to watch, like one of my athletes will sit right over there and he's actually doing psychology. And you could see him like, like at first, like, no, no, no. And all of a sudden he was like, oh. And I said, oh, choices, uh-huh, choices. I said, and that's the thing. Nobody knows your life but you. Your choices are your choices and could have been that they were your choices that you made and you didn't know. And now you're going, oh, I got to make a choice. another choice and a better decision to undo that, you Did you know? Right. And sometimes you're right and sometimes you're not. So you make the decision that's best for you, the information And then respecting the fact too, like, You know, things that will change something will a ball can drop at any time in our lives in general, you know, deaths, cancer, things like that. And it's like so many things can change, you know, a situation. So, like you said earlier, too, everyone has a choice. and what you do with what you're given at that time. It's a choice, whether you're going to go this way, this way, or straight forward. But we got to live with that. And that is what we got to, you know, learn to move forward. And I can't tell you this week, actually, the last couple weeks, like how many times I just had to sit and think of like, in the moments where I'm so stressed out, or overwhelmed, or whatever's going on, I'm like, be thankful like look at everything I do have I am so thankful and it's like we do we I mean you know some people they are that's cheesy but at the same time that's what helps me like refocus and be like okay what are my goals what do I have right now that I can be like I didn't have this what I'm in now five years ago and so I feel like a lot of people have struggled with being, with gratitude in general, especially when they're going through, the more thankful you are, the Yeah, it's true. But you do have this, like you say it, you know, Gratitude, because if you are focused on things that you don't have, you are going to be more anxious. It's going to lead to other things. So sometimes I do also I do the same thing. It's like, OK, what do I have? Right. I have my family. They're in good health. I'm able to come to work every day, make decisions that I need to help my clients like or help. You know, I get to share in the fun with, you know, friends or different things like that. You may we. So I know there are things that we want. But we can't always harp on those things or we just have to be grateful. And so having a heart of gratitude, that's what it is. A heart of gratitude will help you to not focus on the things that you don't have and Well, then even with that, it's, you know, and again, it's attitude of gratitude, which is, I mean, yeah, some of these little things that you said sound cheesy, but it really is. And it was funny this morning because I had to give a shout out to my Zachariah, who's taking an MCATs today. And it's big thing, big deal. And we're all a little like on edge. But it was funny because his little girlfriend, I just this morning, Frank came in and she's like, oh, my God, I'm so nervous for him, so nervous for him. I said, uh uh uh. So first and foremost, he is ready. I said, he has overcome. So you talk about resilience and y'all know my little bit of my life story and my boys and everything. And it was funny because this morning she was saying this and I said, you know what? I said, here's the funny thing. I said, we're talking about this. I said, we're talking about medical school. We're talking about the fact that he's already graduated the college degree. I said, these are good things to have. These are good problems to have. And she goes, Oh my God, you're right. Like to know where he's come from. We've come from. I said, we're looking around going worried about medical school. Like, yeah, let's Oh, yeah. Yes. Because sometimes we rise from And that is one thing is if you've noticed, especially like what we do, we're all like, you know, leaders in some way to a team and to people. And I mean, even you as a professor, too, you're like leading, you know, with your with your students, but when people are not gratitude, it shows. It shows all over them, like the way they behave, the way they look at things, how they speak. I've noticed that so tremendously that a lot of people, when they lack gratitude in their life, it's I think it affects your life in so many different ways. And just the presence of people who lack gratitude, I think it'll affect them. Like if, hey, if you're looking to, you want a new job, if you're looking for a relationship, if you're looking for, you know, to be a better parent, whatever it is, if you go back at just something simple, like, what are you thankful for? Have some gratitude in your day when you wake up that morning. it can change your perspective and your outlook throughout I believe that. And sometimes people need help, like getting to that point. And so, you know, I know that you all do as well. And, you know, I teach them that and it like, just, okay, take a deeper, reflect on the things that are. And sometimes they don't even realize it until you tell them and I'm like, oh, Right, yeah, that's good, that's good. And it does start to change their mindset. They start to have a shift. So yeah, that is very important. Of course, you know, professor here, we're gonna go a little bit on the biology side of that too, literally in your brain. And cause that's the thing, sometimes when they're so in their emotions and you know, I mean that limbic brain and they're just like feelings, feelings, feelings, feelings. Can I just please go? I said, all right, but here's the thing. You don't know what to do over here. Your situation still kind of sucks. And you know, you're in it. But in it, what can you control? I said, literally, your brain is an organ. And the neurotransmitters in there, I said, when you go, let's go CBT, cognitive behavioral, change your thoughts, change your behaviors. I said, literally, when you start to change the affirmations and the confirmations, I said, your brain seeks out things to prove that you're right. Absolutely. It's rewiring. It's literally rewiring. I said, so even though this is still there and that is still there and that's still, you might still feel here that I said, just say, you know what? Because then your brain goes, we got to shift. Yep. And this is going to do it a lot of times when you don't even realize That's what we're so awesome about. And it really is. It's true. That's like glass And right on my look at it. Yeah, and it reminds me of like when people say like, oh, we got to manifest and we got to manifest that shit. I'm like, yeah, manifest it, but that's with action. So like, it's not manifest, okay, I want a new job and I want this, it's how you wanna do it. Okay, that's great, but what are you gonna do to take action? You have to put yourself out there. So yeah, like it helps rewiring your brain. Like, okay, I'm gonna get a good job. I'm gonna get a promotion. I'm gonna get this. Okay, well, let's start working on that. And that's what people need to understand too about manifesting. Yes, affirmations Well, and because here's the thing, I go, You can't sit on a fence for too long, because all you're going to do is get metal up in their hair, and it's not going to be comfortable. You cannot have one foot over here and one foot over there. What am I? What am I? What am I? Knee-lying. You're chafing, and you're rubbing, and get off the fence. Make a decision. Even if it's not for the day. Well, what if? I go, I don't know. Not But you know, I always say, but what if you do? Well, what if I do? What if But even without, well, what if you don't? Well, can we go back to what Nellis said something earlier too about do you think, you know, a lot of people, they just don't know. Emotion. We don't, I mean, we don't, you know, like everybody talks about weakness, weakness, weakness. I'm like, you know, pain is weakness leaving the body. And so if you're hurting, you know, you're still growing and you still don't let it go, let it go, you know. And so, and it's funny when people talk about crying, crying, crying, you know, I don't want to be weak. I said define weak. Well, well, and a lot of times it's like, well, my mom or my dad or my husband or my wife, I say, oh, oh, but wouldn't that be their definition? Because here's the thing, when you cry, literally, again, see when I hit them with the bio side of it, then they go like, dang, girl, like, yeah, sound a little something, something. Your body has to. It is a release. It is, you have to be able to unburden it There is such a stigmatism around therapy, like therapy is so taboo. And I'm like, no, therapy is just talking to, like you talk to your girlfriend only. I did share with one client, I'm like, therapy is like talk to your girlfriend, only you're paying me. And she laughed, I was like, thank God. But it's true, it's not, it's not like, you know, some of this big grandiose word that you have to like, you know, do something like, it has to be scary because it's not, you know. And then even, girl, listen, you stepped in it, so I was like, girl, I don't, listen, I'm gonna lose all respect on Street Cred if I don't go and follow this, because that was so messy right there. Because when I was, you got to know your language, that's what I'm saying. But even as we talk about this, the people like our village and Did I open the door for you? Oh, I think you did. Very good. Why open it if I don't take this? And oh, I lost all because I was so excited when I'm like leaving education code and you're like, oh, y'all so cute. It's like I got my own little office and I was like, oh yeah, maybe, you know, people come in and they pay the top three. Well, they do that with prostitutes too. Oh my gosh. Someone said that to you? I I mean, I was still cute. I saw my own life. I was still there. It cracked me up. So now every time I think about that, I know. But you know what is great and it's awesome because it isn't taboo anymore. It is not. Like y'all know I did this degree way late in life, mid-30s. And there was one thing that I always, it always like was so weird. They showed us some video, because I guess it's like, oh, how to do therapy and how to do all this stuff, you know, everything. Watching this thing and on the I'm gonna have to put down a little playbook over here. And the sign said this, and I will never And I'm like, I've seen it, Lolly, too. I'm going, huh, what, what, what? And I'm like, and so, because at first I was, I mean, I was so taken aback, I was like, Is this what I really want to be doing? Because I ought to be known as that. But then you think about it, and if you actually think about the word, the rapist word, and we talk about it, it's power and control. And so even in here, when our big umbrella is do no harm, and I have to really explain that, because here's the thing. what I do and what we do, applying it to everyone else, I said, that did make me realize. I said, I've always, as an educator and everything else, physical wise, I've always been like, okay, I got to make sure somebody's head's not falling off or make sure arms are here. And I said, but you all are coming in vulnerable, hurt, emotional, lost. And it is my, you know, I will never, ever take advantage of that. I'll never, you know, I take that very, but that's what that always, it comes always in the back of my head of like, I can see why people are scared, you know, because that's what I said. I was like, you don't know anything about me. You're coming here revealing things and you're just expecting me. I mean, sure we have HIPAA, sure we have our, you know, 491.2 or whatever, our ethical board and everything else. These Well, not everybody was in this to, you know, like we are, And there's a lot of people that come in to like get revenge, even educators, all this stuff, you know, let's get revenge on the people that were mean to us. I'll watch this, I'm in power now. Over here, I'm gonna take this, I'm in power now. And it's sad, and I'm not saying that because I love everybody, but still there are a lot of people out there Yep. I feel like those individuals, especially in our field that are either in it for the wrong reasons or have like the power, like I'm in a power position. And just like, I mean, just like there's so many other positions that are like that too, you know, attorneys, police officers, nurses. And the problem is, is that those individuals, they are the ones who keep Like the stigma, they keep the stigma and they give us all like a bad reputation because all they have to do is have that one negative experience with a police officer with a nurse or whatever. And then that that's their now view, just like therapy, like that's their view on therapy. I had one horrible experience where I met this person and they're a hot mess and they're a therapist and they see them out. being crazy and partying, getting drunk and crazy. And then they're like, well, she's a therapist, she's a nurse, whatever. And it's like, oh shit, you know, like that's gonna put a bad name for And we talked about today about the philosophy of our, you know, of our practice and that we really, you know, we were working with a younger lady and stuff. And I said, you know, here's the thing. I said, I'm not any better than you, I'm not any better than you. I said, you know, attitude reflects leadership. You know, I take that. of my life. And I said, servant leader, I said, I will never ask anybody to do something or do anything I'm not willing to do. That is where all Absolutely. And I personally look at it as or see it as a privilege to come in and work with people from all walks of life. Like, I don't I'm serious when I say that. I don't I don't take that lightly. Every day I come in, I come in thinking, how can I help? someone changed their life. How can I help someone be better today than they were yesterday, right? How can I help those that want to become the better version of themselves every And how beautiful is it to, like, our goal is not to keep patients with us forever. I love that. I mean, it's true because a lot of people are like, oh, you know, they just make you know weekly appointments and I'm like you know where are we like excuse now we're now we're at you know two weeks we were going now we're three weeks and four weeks and you know I love it when they're like you know what Miss Noah like I think I think I'm just gonna wait I'm like and they're like Will you keep a spot open for me if if I'm like, absolutely, you you have a spot if you need me for, you know, something that happens, but like to know that you're good and you're feeling good, like, yes, bye. I love it. But I mean, I actually did that with three patients this week. to wear just maintenance. And one of them is down to once a month. And I'm just like, Oh, I just love it. And they're just like, kind of like, should I? What do you think? I'm like, no, the fact that you're thinking that you don't need to come in now every other week is what I want to hear. Were you with me too long? I'm And I do not want to promote codependency on me. And so I had that happen too this week where one of my clients said, hey, you know, is it okay if we go to once a month now? Because I feel like I'm good level. That's the whole goal of therapy. I always ask my clients, what is your outcome for therapy? Like, how do you want to feel? And how do you know you feel that way at the end of our course? Because I talk about termination in my first sessions too. how long do you want to come? And I know that depends on if somebody has some deep-rooted trauma that's different, and they may be with you for a while because they may be real clinically depressed or whatever, but just for life's challenges or being able to be confident in the decisions that you make, that shouldn't take long. It shouldn't take me long at all. So that's good. I definitely agree. When you start to see them, especially them saying to you and you're not saying it to them, Hey, I think I'm good. I think It's funny. Cause you guys are getting rid of people. I'm starting to get like, Oh, you back. It is funny because of course we're always like, Oh, you know, Dr. Robin's not making new clients. And they're like, Hey, you haven't seen this person in a while. I said, listen, I ain't going to see anybody else. Cause I mean, And no, but no, I said, absolutely. And so it's so funny whenever they come back and I'm like, I'm so glad to see you, but I'm really upset. Like, I'm back on my schedule. So I'm But well, you know, I mean, and so because it is we I mean, we love our love. I'm like, I mean, they know, I mean, they just, I'm in it, whatever. Let's go, you come back, you're here, have we got this? And then I even get like, oh, you are so important now. Oh, you're going here? Just sent down an email today. I said, oh, I gave you five dates. Oh, you can't come to those? All right, well, you think you got VIP status now? I might have it on that, yeah, I got on that Thursday. I come in, you know, and I was like, but I love it because again, you gotta meet them where they are or have y'all done this when you go. Do you remember the first day you walked in? They go, I go, I They go, you want to go back? No, no, no. I do. I take them back there too and be like, especially when they're like struggling through something else. Right. You know, I had a client that I had for a couple of years on maintenance, but again, a lot of trauma, a lot of history. So I was able to do that once a month with them for a while. And when I, when we talked about like when we did, when I finally discharged him, I was like, Look about how far you come. I remember the first day with you and you know and they're like laughing same thing like oh my god I was such a mess. And I'm just like no like this shows you this should show Yeah so that is so true. I have a client that, it's amazing that clients that you discharged and then maybe a year later, almost a year later, because this is my story, she wants to come back because there's some things that have come up in the last year. But that makes me, as a therapist, that makes me feel really proud that she would choose me again because she could have went somewhere else. Right? So the interventions that we used work. But now, you know, there's some new challenges. And I always say, anytime we shift to like a different job or something else is going on in our personal life, it may require a different set of tools. So it's amazing how once you have discharge, I mean, here it is almost a year later, they're like, hey, So that's because I know that we're going to have to wrap up here soon because we gotta, you know, get that thing handled. But circling back to resilience. there's a little podcast, not a TED Talk, that I show the first part to my students. And it's a young man that grew up, you know, like Compton airing everything, Vibrant Resilience. And there's always one like statement in there that I don't tell him, but I cut off and I said, okay, what was the one thing that this man said that he's able to be where he is? And of course, they're looking, they're looking, and it kind of comes back to what you just said. And he talks about the fact that even though his mom and dad, which were, you know, one was a, Addict and the other one, you know ended up in jail or whatever. He said, you know back he goes, but you know, he goes I love my parents and I know they loved me Connection because we are social beings and the fact that even when you know And that's the thing we build such I was called the foundation would build such a foundation such a connection with our clients that of course, we're the first ones are gonna call when they come back because We even like we talk when they're not bouncing, when they're rolling, when they're, you know, so they know. All right, TJ, that's my girl. She's going to advocate for me and she's going to tell me about myself. And she's I know she is. Sure. Because I'm struggling. But let me go in like my girls all the time or my thing like right there. They all come in there like this. I already know what you're going to say. I already know what you're going to say. I go, well, all right, maybe I won't. They're like, no. And then they'll go through everything and I go, yeah, you're not ready. I knew you were I had a couple that I discharged and they both used to say that like throughout like the weeks when I was seeing them is, well, what would Miss Nella say about that? And I'm just like, oh no, don't make me what it's going to make you to argue when I'm But I'm the opposite. I go, at me. Because I said, here's the thing, because once I know that y'all know that y'all know, you know, and then But the funny thing with that couple that I'm talking about is that the wife, after they're good, like ended up wanting to only come back to me for her own individual stuff later on. So I was willing to do that. And I just charged her as well. And it was funny because she goes, Yeah, I think about what you would say to me. if I was like when this happens and it's like she would just say let it happen let them or whatever that you know and I actually got her to read the let them book so she actually read it um but yeah I love it because I mean hey if I call up in your head like that that's fine you know as long as it helps you get to whatever you're we're trying to because that's the thing we talked about last time I said the logic limbic so when they're all in my husband and my when they'll say, right. And even with that, I always go, okay, you know, when you're psycho kids, but what are you still missing? It's, you're still struggling with that. Well, to wrap up today, I think it was great. Basically for everybody that is listening or watching is resilience is something that you're building over time, each day focusing and, you know, whether it be having some gratitude, whether it would be, you know, focusing on Reaching out to your village, being empathetic, giving yourself permission to take a break. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. Giving yourself permission. Giving yourself permission. Just say, you know what? I don't have to have it all all. Right. Right. And stop comparing yourself to others. You are you. You are unique. You are your Just because you feel like you are weak in the moment, that may be something that you need in order to continue to build resilience, to reach your goals. You don't get strong by buying a And a fan of resilience real quick, I got to throw it out here, was by the time this airs, by the time this airs, are That's true. That's the elephant in the room today was a little That's right. We're playing Final Four Monday night. Natural channel. We you know, hope Yeah, you hope this on my students hope they win because I have them Tuesday morning. Cause they just, you know, pray y'all way and pray, pray. But even in that, which is so cool that because the resilience of that little team and not everything else. And that's why I think everybody is. And I'm just like, listen, you talk about just a bunch of little underdogs coming in and nobody really, and they just keep the line. They just keep winning. And well, that's just amazing. Well, they just keep sweeping Thank you all for listening in and tuning in for next week.