The HARD Truths About Manifesting | Therapists Unhinged Ep. 8

In this episode of Therapists Unhinged, we dive into the concept of manifesting with action, building on our previous discussions about finances, mental health, and mindset. We explore the popular trend of manifesting, which often involves positive affirmations, vision boards, and rituals like lighting candles. While these practices can be beneficial, we emphasize that they must be paired with concrete actions to truly achieve our goals.

We discuss the importance of defining clear, realistic goals and the necessity of taking actionable steps to reach them. Many young adults today are caught up in the allure of manifesting without understanding that simply wishing for success is not enough. We highlight the need for motivation and the willingness to put in the work, comparing the journey to running a marathon, it's about taking one step at a time and being prepared for setbacks.

Throughout the episode, we touch on the significance of surrounding ourselves with positive influences and the impact of our social circles on our mindset and motivation. We also address the challenges of unrealistic expectations and the importance of self-compassion when things don’t go as planned.

Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own goals and the actions they are taking to achieve them, while also considering the lessons learned from setbacks. Ultimately, we remind everyone that manifesting is not just about dreaming; it’s about actively pursuing those dreams with intention and resilience.

Transcript

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I'm going to be rich, or I'm going to have this amazing job, or I'm going to have this amazing body. Then they just go to sleep And then you have to do what it takes to get there. I love always You have to have realistic expectations. Absolutely. And I think that a lot of people don't have realistic expectations. I want Are we manifesting out of fear or out of All right, everyone. So welcome to episode eight. So last week, we were able to have, you know, talk about finances and mental health and the mindset in this. And I think that's a really good segue to today's topic, which is basically manifesting with action. So many people are really into manifesting nowadays, you hear it all the time, you know, lighting candles, vision boards, which all are great things. However, those don't just magically allow you to have your life the way you want it. So it's good that you have the vision, but what we're going to be talking today about is more about action with the manifest. So, I mean, I don't know about you guys, but I know one thing that I see a lot is our young adults they are really into, you know, social media and everything and manifesting and all these positive words, which I absolutely love the positive words. However, a lot of people get stuck in that. That's all they need to do is just say the word, like, I'm going to be rich, or I'm going to have this amazing job, or I'm going to have this amazing body, or whatever they want. And then they just go to sleep and wake up and do the same thing that they did the day before. So obviously, that doesn't coincide with Yeah. Well, we know action speaks louder than words. Always. Right? Always. And so you have to have that. So if you want to manifest that which you speak, First of all, you have to define that goal, make it clear, right? And then you have to do what it takes to get there. So you have to write the objectives or you have to write, you know, the different steps that it's going to take for you to get there. You know, and sometimes, you know, you may fall off course because sometimes we do, right? Life happens. And when life starts lifin', you know, things start going a little crazy. But the goal is to get back on track and make sure that you execute those goals and that's how you manifest, I And I love what you said that yes, I mean, anytime we have positive anything with our young people, that's great. You know, because again, you know, everybody does, you know, we've even harped on it too, like how negative so much of this stuff is, but there's a lot of things that these kids are learning in ways that they're not going to get just like we did from being experiential because it's just, you just can't, you know, but again, it is that whole, oh, well they have that and they have that. Well, I'm going to do that. And, Again, we don't want to say no, but you know, we're like, okay, that's cute. So tell me about it. Crickets. I said, yeah, yeah. And they're up in the morning and they're doing all this and nobody's doing that. I said, you know, especially with athletes, y'all know it is all about, you know, I'm going to be a D1, define D1. They don't even know what they're doing. So, and again, I think it is definitely, like I said, you got to start somewhere. You got to start somewhere, but you got to put in the work. You know, as I say, nobody gets They can sit right there in your garage and they're cute and they're pretty. But, you know, the thing too, and I just thought about this as you were talking. You know, oftentimes we want the microwavable manifestations, like Instant gratification. Like you got to put it in the oven. Like you got to take your time and, you know, get there, put it in the oven, let it bake. And then because you are more appreciative of it too. Right? And then it also takes the motivation to get there. Like you can't manifest without motivation because again, sometimes you fall off track. And if you fall off track and you don't have motivation to Y'all know this fits. I mean, it's all kinesthetic. I mean, this is all physical. So all this stuff is just, and you know, I think I've said it before is that I always use the marathon, you know, my marathon is 26 miles. There's not a whole lot of people running that. I'm not running it, you know, I'll drive it. You know, I'll drive it. TJ will sit in the car with me as I drive it, you know. But I'm like, you know, even with that, sometimes I think some people get too far ahead also. And I'm like, wait a minute, wait, wait, wait, wait. The goal's out there, you know? Because then it's like, if something goes wrong or if something this, it's like, well, that's never gonna happen. I go, whoa, hold on. Maybe you just need a new pair of shoes. Maybe you have a blister. That day you weren't feeling so well. You haven't had your water, but you're still manifesting. But that's where I think people get stuck because it's like, again, with athletes, I'm like, you have to be kind to yourself as you're learning. And there's a lot of learning that goes into our goals you know things that we didn't even think that we had to learn i just did this with my client five minutes ago we were talking about this and how even when you're looking at something whether it's like a physical like weight loss or weight gain or something stuff all these other fears start to show up for all this starts to show up and she's like why is that happening you know and i said oh isn't that interesting so even with that when we say that we're manifesting Do we really know Yeah. I mean, I think that's the key though, too, is like kind of breaking it down of exactly what, like you were asking, what does that look like to you? Because, you know, one, like you said, somebody could say, oh, I want to be this amazing athlete and being a D1. Okay. Well, what does that look like for you? And the same thing, like if someone wants to do, uh, oh, I want to, um, you know, be fit and be healthy. Okay. What does that look like to you? Do you have realistic expectations? For me, if I want to have, if we're talking about, you know, weight loss and healthy, my weight is not going to look like Robin's weight because your body type's different. You're, you're in a different age bracket. Like, so people have to have realistic. Y'all throwing some shade at the elderly. Be nice to the elderly. I mean, we have to have realistic expectations. And I think that a lot of people don't have realistic expectations. So, I mean, just like I want to manifest, I want to be a billionaire. Okay. Well, how am I going to get there? I mean, I have to have step by step and what I'm actually taking action. Exactly. That's an unrealistic expectation for me at my point in my life right now. Not that I can't get there. And it's like, if I did say that, like, hey, Robin, I want to be a billionaire. You could tell me, okay, well, we're going to have to make some steps, some changes in your lifestyle, you know, to get there. And so we have to do that too with our clients. And I think one thing too is a big barrier for people is the negativity. So not just negativity reflecting on themselves, like, oh, well, I'm so overweight that I cannot start going to the gym, OK? Or I'm so overweight, I don't like the way I look in gym outfits, or I can't be out there. Like, that's negative mindset, and that's not going to help you with your goal. Another thing is being around negative people, which we know that that can be really toxic, is being around negative Ooh, I like that. And you know, eagles actually soar and they soar above their circumstances and situations. Thank you. I'll tell you what, we got, we got, you know, TJ Tuesday happening today. We may be moving this podcast. Um, but I think that I had said in one of the other podcasts that I saw a little research thing that I use in my class that said within 25 feet of somebody, if they're positive, you are going to do 15% better just by being around them. If they are negative, you're going to do 30%. negative just by being around them. So I think I mentioned that and I said, you know, in high school, I'm like, how many times are y'all within 25 feet of everybody? You know, and they said all the time, they said, I go, how's everybody? They said miserable, you know? And so even with that, it's, it is funny because I was, well, TJ and I were talking, you know, we were at the gym and I said, you know, I've grown up an athlete. I've always coached, you know, elite athletes. So I was so used to having these young, beautiful, perfect little bodies around me all the time that I didn't even really think about it. But when I ever did have a chance to just go to a gym or whatever, I'd really be looking around going, Okay, I'm just normal. Everybody's just good, you know, because you do. And it is a different mindset too. And so even with that, you can have some flip-flops with that. Like when you're in such like a high level something, and that doesn't even just mean athleticism, but I mean, it could be even like you're a business owner, you know, and if you've got all of a sudden, you're going to all these marketing and everything else and you're going, Oh my God, these people are like way ahead of me. Like, what am I doing wrong? What am I doing wrong? You know? And we're like, girl, you're great. But then you just go, okay, let me come back. I'm always saying like, I love, you know, always learning from people that are higher, but they're still a, they did not get there overnight, you Well, I mean, you just made a great point too. It's like being, being around positive people that are better than you. It's like owning it and looking like, so when I do go to the events and stuff and I'm around very, you know, successful people, you know, probably millionaires and billionaires and all that. I'm like, I look at them and I'm like, I'm going to learn something for me today after our conversation. And you know, how can I do this and that? Like, because they are more positive. They're not, obviously they're, they're there as well. So they're not there like being a negative Nancy, you know, they're, they're like learning from other people, maybe learning something for me when really I'm learning from them. I agree with that. And then that also increases your motivation to your motivation to do what you do. You know, I know when I'm around people, because I always say, if you're the smartest person in your circle, change your circle. Right. Because we always want to have the growth mindset. So it's that's definitely motivation to help you to keep going, realizing Yes. And that's another good point to like for our young people, you know, whether it's teens or I've always liked just constantly said this to my kids is, be careful who you hang around with because, you know, they can drag you down. And I've seen it happen, you know, with my son specifically when he was younger. And he, after me, inbraining that in his head from a young age is, you know, You're going to be just like the people you hang around with. They're going to influence you in that way. And he was influenced negatively for a few years and he woke up. And then he now, to this day, when he comes home to visit some of his old friends, like he's very limited on those interactions because he knows that like, They're not bad people, but they do suck the energy out of him and the motivation because like, let's say they're not motivated, you know, they're going to school or they're just, you know, playing video games all day, not doing anything versus my son's mindset now is like, I'm focused. I have a goal in mind. So I think that's something Well, and again, because I know we are working with a lot of our young people, Some of them, they're like, they want to get there now. They want to get there now. They want to get there now. Or, you know, they go, oh, well, when I go to this conference, and you know, this guy was over here, or this person was over here, and they were such and such. And I'm like, whoa, slow down. I go, one, it could be their shtick, could be their branding. I said, you don't know. I said, so, but that's you understanding who you are. And I said, always go in. I said, and especially like with my sports site kids, I said, because, you know, I've had some younger athletes that were invited to play, you know, and they would be terrified because, well, I'm not going to, I go, well, that's not, that's not what this trip is about. That's not what this is about. I said, they saw you. I said, this is an opportunity. I said, so they're not expecting you to be here. Right. I said, and even on the flip side, guess what? They may have an athlete that they can't even get through to for whatever, and they're bringing another athlete in. I said, but regardless, it doesn't matter. I said, because you get to go and train with whatever. I said, but it's not about, I said, you might not even see the field. But you're getting elite training. You're You never know what's going to happen, but you're in the room and they're going to be like, hey, man up, you know, next man up. That's it. And that's a lot. What I do with my young people is like, I don't last thing I ever want to do is crush their dreams because I'm like you, if your dreams do not scare you, they're not big enough. Because I was like, I love that, you know, but There's, again, we're just putting our shoes on. The marathon, that's 26. We're Right. And just thinking about the marathon, like no one can just get up one day and say, you know what? I'm going to run a marathon. I'm going to start right now. And let's go run a 26 mile thing. Sometimes you got to start running down the driveway. One step at a time. One step at a time. Or you'll pass out. Exactly. I like the driveway thing though. Yeah, sometimes you got to see the end in sight. Right? See the end where the mailbox is down the driveway. Yeah. And I don't know about you guys, but how do you like, if you're like manifesting some big goal that you have had, like, how have you gotten to the point of, okay, I'm going to change some things, you know, starting tomorrow, I'm going to start doing these things. Like what has worked for you guys personally? Oh, great. You know, it's so funny because y'all know I'm a go, I'm a do, I'm pretty fast. And honestly, one, I mean, like I said, I've always just had like one thing in my mind, even as a kid or even after I was just like, you know, God put me where I'm supposed to be. And like I said, there's a lot of times I was like, really? This is where I'm supposed to be right now? But I've learned, I'm always like, okay, what am I learning? What am I learning? But it's so funny because the three of us, we know our journeys were never this sitting right here. And I know we have said that, like, there is something bigger out there than us for us to be sitting here. And I think a lot of it was, where I am now and I look around at how many platforms I get and how many of all of this stuff I get to bring in and then deliver it in a way that like somebody else can't do it. And it's not that I'm better than anybody. It's just my path was so different that it's just I just feel so blessed right now. And so I think that mine has actually been stepping back a little bit. and being more present. Whereas before I was so, I'm going to get this, I'm so hyper-focused and like I said, only, you know, only one was fitting a Lamborghini. And now I'm like, I kind of like the minivan, you know, I want to bring people around me. But I really do think that there's just different stages you know, different ages. And because, of course, when we were all young, I'm sure internally we all were like, no, we are going to be a self-made woman. I mean, and now it's just kind of like we're all about our kids, you know, grandbabies and growing the practice, getting new clinicians. You know, I guess I love to, you know, lead leaders. I want them to now, you know, go out. So I don't know. I think it's just about kind of pausing at every little thing and actually doing some reflection of Wow. I like the pause part, you know, like definitely taking a minute to pause because that's a hard thing that I have a trouble with. Obviously, I'm always like, I'm like focused on one goal. And I think that's a positive thing. But at the same time, I do need to sometimes just sit back and be like, okay, let's see what's going on. Let's go. You know, and actually Jeremy from last week has told me many times, Nella, put the brake pedal on a little bit. And I'm like, no, I don't want to do that. But he tells me that all the time. So it's like sometimes it's like, okay, I got to take that advice a Because we want to enjoy it. And I can take from both of those because like sometimes my mind if nothing else, is all gas, no brakes. And it's like, what am I doing here? What am I doing here? And sometimes, and I'm going to flip it a little bit, there have been times where I've had where it's like, okay, TJ, what are you really doing? Like, you're doing this, you're doing that, you're doing this. You have all these portals open, but what are you doing? You know, because sometimes I think you can have too many portals open and you not be productive. Oh, I want to be productive. So I'm like, if I got to like scale back a little bit and say, okay, let me work it here. The pause moment, you know, being in the present moment, let me work this because this is working for me right now. Let me manifest over here. And when that door is closed or when that is executed, then let me go up here. Because again, I get into my own head sometimes and it's like, you start looking around and you're like, okay, wait a minute, wait a minute. Everybody else is doing this. They're executing here. What are you doing? So I get that inner reflection. It's like, okay, sit down, take a step back and manifest what's going well for you right now. So you know what I mean? Mine is definitely with much prayer, much perseverance, because I'm always, like you said, God, what am I doing in this season? I look at my life as the four seasons. And like, okay, my season may not look like Robin's season. Robin's season may not look like your season, but we're still in season. We just not in the same season, right? And the older I get, the more wisdom I have. And just sitting down, looking at that, like you may be in this season, like, oh, Robin's doing her thing. She's manifesting, manifesting, manifesting. And I'd be over here like, okay, well, maybe it's not my season to manifest in that way. Maybe my season is just to be quiet, be still, right? And your season is to, you know, be vocal or, you know, whatever. So I'm learning that, you know, the older I get, the more wisdom I attain. I'm learning just be present, pause a minute, manifest what I love when you talk about like the portals. All in my head, I kept thinking of That's how I operate. I have so many different tabs open and I'm bouncing around sometimes all the different tabs that I have to do and sometimes it helps me be accountable and it makes me I know what I think I do it because it makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something because I'm working on every single tab but sometimes the one tab is neglected a little bit you know I'm not in there as much as this tab in this tab so I think that's a really good point is like kind of like just take, take a step and put a little bit more energy and maybe prioritizing to prioritizing and manifesting with action, which is taking action on, okay, how is this going to be more productive? How am I going to be more productive in this area? Right. But what happens when you ask yourself that question and you realize, okay, well maybe it is not, you know, for me to manifest in this, Sometimes it's like, you gotta put it down. This is not gonna happen right now. Nobody's head is falling off. Maybe you don't have the grace to do that right now. You know what I mean? Because people have, in other words, let me explain it this way because I'm like getting in my head. If a friend calls and says, hey girl, I got this like proposition over here and you know they want us to come over here and do it and it's like okay well you may want to do it because a friend asked you you're like a colleague you know asked you but maybe that's not your place to manifest and if you don't know that when you get there and it doesn't work out for you in that way then you're left with like all of the feelings of well we may be left with like the negative feelings that you were talking about so you know, what happens when something you do pick You know what I mean? Yeah. So two things I was going to go back to, I'm going to get to you in just a second, but you said something right before it was like having the tabs open and everything. And, you know, and sometimes you're like, you're getting it in your own head. I also see the piece and it's really been having the three of us, you know, is that, We're able to because I remember just last week and you kind of said and you're like, okay Robin you good Yeah, because you seem very and and it was just Enough to like but to have your people that you know, they're going at whoa. Whoa, what is happening? What is happening? I know we've done that and anytime we're in a transition like if we're growing if we're doing this This is changing sometimes and especially the three of us. We are go go go It does take one of So now I'm gonna close the door. Close the door. You know I love you. And not just in an ugly way or anything, but it's just like, we see each other, you know, when our hearts are all in the same place, we know when somebody's struggling. And a lot of times we don't know how bad it is. And when someone, that's what I'm saying, having your good people there to kind of even help you pause when, if you cannot. So that Part of manifesting is to have your people around you so that they can go with you, which means telling you when to pause, telling you to keep going. They're holding you accountable, Well, and it might not be that, and again, that you even understand what's happening. You know what I mean? And like I said, I always take it back to the marathon because again, everybody can understand wearing a pair of shoes and you want so bad to get there. And I always say to my people, I go, but here's the thing. I said, you may be training, and the Boston Marathon is Saturday, and you're in your last little whatever, you trip, your foot just, you're done, you're broken. Like, you're not gonna be running the race on, I said, but, and that's where I go back to, but it's not always about the goal. You know, cause a lot of times, and it's about, you know, all of that too. And so that's what I'm saying is that, Even with that, you know, having a team, having this exposed. Hey, Robin, listen, you're like a little frazzled over here because you're missing some stuff here. Let us fix your schedule or can we do this? And I know you're always been really good about that. And, you know, we've been good about, hey, do you need like a day or something? And we all have, you know, older parents and we're dealing, you know, a couple of different things. And we're really good about picking up that slack. And so, you know, even with that, I think it's just having people that know you, you know, not that we're going to tell you not to go get it. Right. But it's like, is it, you know, because remember, is it risk worth reward? It's like, OK, yeah, you're right there. But you now have no family, no relationship. You know, your car needs four new tires. Right. You are limping, like, you know, your hair down, right? Like it is just like being able to to look at each other and, you know, know when to slow down or know when to say, hey, slow down, because I see you, And a lot of times we don't see us, you know, when you're so hyper-focused. Because again, that motivation and that goal is so right here and extraneous that we're looking there and we're missing all this. Meanwhile, y'all are going. Girl, you see her? She's rough. Sit down a minute. I can't, I can't, I can't. Shut the door. That's right. That's when you just shut the door. So, and I thought that was good. And then, of course, now my Well, I don't know. I was trying to say sometimes we take on too much, maybe. Like, sometimes it pretty much falls into what you just said. Like, sometimes we can take on too much and want with good intention to manifest with action over here, manifest with action over there. Maybe someone asked us to, you know, join a whatever it is. And then when it doesn't work out or look like we envisioned it to, to look, and we don't manifest with action, what And I'm so guilty of that, I'll admit. I'm so guilty of if things aren't looking the way you're trying to step every day, and it kind of wears on you, and it's about the journey. It's not about the end goal, but that sometimes I know I'm very guilty of, because if I have all these barriers and all these obstacles in my way, I'm like, Like I get really annoyed and I get frustrated and then irritable because I'm like I'm doing what I'm supposed to do every day but then taking a step back and being like okay Either I gotta switch something because it's not looking the way I pictured, I gotta pivot, or I need to just keep moving forward and just see, like, okay, this is a part of it. Like, what am I trying to learn? Or what's someone trying to teach me? What's God trying to teach me in this moment? Like, you know, you gotta keep Well, and it's funny because, you know, God, there's so much here. There really is. There's so much here because, you know, we know you personally and you do have a very different role here than we do. And that's what I'm saying. I've been with you longer as far as over here. And TJ came in and I was like, and so I'm kind of getting the ground running because I'm just like, yeah, I said, we'll watch this. We'll watch this. And I said, but you have to understand, I said, this is the way Nella operates over here. And so I've learned it. And it's just really being with you. And so, you know, even understanding that, but it's like still knowing you as a person and just saying, you know, we got you over here. And I know she and because it's like, OK, where are we on this? And we're just like, And I go, okay, we got this, we got this. But, you know, and so even with that, it's, you know, we love what you're doing because you do have this mindset and it is always up here. But there was something that I just heard on one of my other podcasts recently that said, because you said like, okay, You know, one, I always use the readiness factor, is that, yes, you know, our blessings are there, but we may not be ready for that. You know, like, especially like, are we opening a new business? Are we doing this and this? We've But only that is that this is where when you just, it tied in perfectly because you were saying, and I'm doing this and I'm doing this, I'm doing this. My podcastist said, okay, you know, God, like, but I'm doing it. but the people that you need to go with you aren't there yet. And I was like, Oh, yep. And so even with that, I just go, okay. there's patience, which none of us are probably very good at, but that's part of it too. It's just like, okay. And also, we don't want to force something because anytime you get there and you're not ready for it, you're creating problems that were never going to be there because it's like, we get too in a hurry or we get too, and I was like, and now I'm just kind of like, nope. If I see that, and that, and that hit, I'm not, this, that, mm-mm, we're not going, it's not today. And I've got such a good piece about that going, nope, that's not supposed to happen today. Even if I want it where before I would power through, because I felt like I wasn't good enough if I wasn't getting there, because a lot of us, you know, we find our value in our due. I do this, I do this, I do this, I get this degree, I get this degree. If I'm making the million by 40, I know we talked about our doctoral degrees, like, oh, we're going to have this and everything. I was like, well, I had like three people die. So that just happened. And Yeah, absolutely. And that's, I like that word. I love it because we do. And sometimes we give it, you know, I always say we give grace to everybody else, but, you know, ourselves and it's true. And we have to turn around and give ourselves that same grace. So that's, that's good. Cause you know, you had talked about like the business and all of that stuff too, you know, and my life is not turning out nothing like I expected it to, but, but it's good. Because sometimes you can envision this, but then God has this plan over here. And I always say, OK, God, whatever plan you have for me, just help me to be on board with it. You know what I mean? So when you look back, you know, about manifesting with action, it's like, OK, well, just because it didn't turn out the way I thought it would does not mean that I'm not on track for what, you know, God has for me. And that's where I'm going to manifest with action. And I am, you know, we're all manifesting with And I think that's too, it's like figuring out, you know, when you're having a really shitty moment and shitty time in your life, because we've all been there and we all are still going to like, and I tell clients that all the time. It's like, okay, in your moment right now, you're in a really you're in a really shitty time right you're having a bad your things are not going the way you want you know you thought that okay you can get married you're gonna have the white picket fence you're gonna have the kids you're gonna have the job you're gonna have the money in your bank but everything else around you feels like it's chaos and it's not going well. So kind of dial back in and think about what is this teaching me in a positive way. I know sometimes when you're in a moment, I've been there, I've been like, I'm telling you, when I went through my divorce, like, and I felt like everything was hitting me financial, you know, the kids stuff, you know, my ex-husband stuff, like all this was hitting me at once. And I remember me coming home one day because I was, just not in a good mindset. And I was listening to my mom at that time. And my mom, I get home and it was like, I don't know, 11, 12 o'clock. And I had my little, my little kiss. She's like, what are you doing? And I'm like, what do you mean? I got to get, I got to get my head out of my ass. You know, mom, I got to get out there and I got to just, you know, I have to get it out. She's like, how was that? being like aligning she said something like how is that aligning with what you're trying to be which is a good mom you're trying to get your life together if you're going out there and like trying to like party it up again or do whatever she's like that doesn't align with what you really want in this life and it kind of made me go like Like my mom is great. I mean, but like the way she did, I couldn't remember the exact words, but I remember thinking like, Oh, I really needed that. Like a moment. Like, you're right. Like, this is not fitting. This is not, first of all, who I am. But second of all, like, it doesn't align with anything that I'm trying to do. So taking that. Like, you know, if you're out there right now listening and you're like trying to, you know, you have this big goal in mind, I don't care what it is. It could be a new job. It could be, you know, getting fit and healthy. If you're trying to get healthy and you're like having a big, you know, McDonald's every day, that's not aligning with what your goals are. And if you want a really good job and you're just, you know, on the computer playing games all day long and you're complaining that you don't have a good job, that isn't aligned. So checking yourself. of what you're doing that And again, one shout out to mom, because I love your mom. And, you know, our moms are are there. But. With some of my clients and even with myself and it's. Are we manifesting out of fear? Or out of love, are we manifesting to prove to somebody else. Are we, you know, it's like, so it's like, okay, maybe a little, I wanted it and it could be a little bit of both. And that's where I say is that, you know, again, use it as fuel, whatever it takes. You know, I remember we talked about motivation is external inspiration is internal, but even with the, you know, a lot of my very, very high, um, achieving students, you know, my straight A's, my straight A's. And I told you about the one I said, you know, and he got the B in my world, I was like, So glad he got the beat. And it's funny, we did talk about that not too long ago. And I'm looking at him and I'm just going, he's like, what? And I go, oh my gosh. I said, do you know where you were a year ago? Do you? Because he was like, oh, I got like four assignments. I haven't even done them. And of course, the kid's a straight-A student. But it just wasn't in his world right then, because I think he was always trying to prove that he was good enough or overcome whatever. And a lot of times what I'm seeing is that when some of our young people are hyper-focused, or like even when I was, or like when we were younger, it was to avoid or to not face a lot of the shame and the guilt, you know, and the whatever, you know, you come from poor, so I never want anybody to look at me like that, or, you know, as a female, I never wanna, you know, not be able to stand in a room with males, or, you know, a cultural thing. And so, which, again, can be a wonderful thing, but that's where I also say, but then you gotta understand where you are. There's still a game to be played, and if you keep coming in with this, like, you know, this is going to happen. That's going to happen on this. You're going to end up being like your own worst enemy, you know, because it's like every level that you level up is a different set of rules, you know? And I and I definitely as I said, you can be in little league. And you're kind of running around, and you're doing this, we got some basketball coaching, and we got some of this. Girls are playing, boys are playing, everybody just looks cute. I said, and then all of a sudden you get into like travel ball, and you start getting in like, you know, high school, you're winning state championships, D1. I said, it is at every level, it is different. you can't you can't level up and still act like no you gotta check yourself are you ready for this because this is gonna come with change right right and you're gonna make it knock down a little bit yeah and that's what i'm saying and well you know i'd worked with you know one of the college athletes and he kind of and he was an international student division one was raised in european you know basketball unbelievable young man and then got injured and so ended up you know at our state's college which is a wonderful school but it was like He was so lost because he was so mindset, you know, his whole life was one way, you know, family played. It was just a different thing. So now he's in the United States, you know, he's by himself. And he literally looked at me and he was like, Dr. Robin, I know this sounds dumb, but I had to learn to do laundry. And of course, and I'm kind of giggling and he goes, no, I'm serious. Like it's always been done for me. You know, and I know like what that took for him. And so, and it was so cool to really be able to work with him who had, who manifested, who got there and then fell off. Well, I think that's a part of it too, is knowing that you are going to fall off. You're going to fall off the path at some point. And that's what I tried to not only do for my own mindset, but like for other clients is like, there's gonna be times when you trip and fall and you're on that balance beam or whatever and you're gonna fall off and have to get right back on because it happens and it happens to us it will not happen i don't think it'll ever stop like sometimes i just like want to manifest a dream like sitting in my porch or in in a different country and just sipping some wine. No worries. But you know what? Like if I got to have realistic expectations that, you know, it's going to take a lot of hard work if I really do want that one day, you So do you think, well, let me ask y'all this because again, I'm, you know, my approach is a little bit different. So let's say that you have, you know, young people or even your children and they come to you with this idea, you know, because I know with me, I go, okay, I love that. But do you have a B, a C, a D, a G, a Q plan? Like, if that doesn't, do we have this, like, how would y'all handle, you know, a young person or even, or actually maybe even somebody older that says, well, I've tried everything and nothing works. I'm never going to have a good life. Cause like with Jeremy talked about, you know, in our last podcast about the 80 year old dad, a 20 year plan, and you will answer my phone call, you know, but a lot of people get to a place and they just go, well, my life is over and And what I'm about to say may be a little bit different from what you asked. I've always been told, even though we know we do need things to fall back on, but I don't think I've ever presented or asked my kids about, or my clients or whoever, about a plan B. Because a plan B means, for some, if you're looking at plan B, if you know you have a plan B, then you're not gonna really execute plan A as great as you can, because you know you can fall back on something. Right? So I always say, okay, we're looking at it like plan B, plan A type thing. This is your plan. Okay. This is your plan. Tell them the mistakes that they may make along the way. Tell them, you know, that they may fall, but they have to get back up. I would say include everything in the plan and not say, okay, what's your plan B if that doesn't work out? No. Keep working at plan A, because there's still some things in plan A that maybe you do need to continue to do, because sometimes it may Right, but that doesn't mean you have a plan B. It just means, okay, it didn't work out. the first time, but I can keep doing it. It's like almost like the seven up drink. Okay. It took seven times to get it right. I mean, I'm just saying, like, I think that for some young people, you know, maybe they can, you know, be okay with a plan B, but I would say like, personally for my own kids, the plan B thing, no. Because that kind of gives them that little cushion to say, okay, Sometimes they don't put enough effort into it. Well, I think when you need a plan B is for when you've switched your mindset of maybe plan A, you didn't want it as much as you thought you did, maybe. Or plan A, maybe it's not ready for you yet, so do plan B while you're still have it in the mind. Okay, so just something easy like, okay, I want to be a billionaire. Let's work on our first million first, and then we'll work on a hundred billion dollars later. But at that time, is that considered an unrealistic expectation? It could happen. Right. It could happen, but it's like, okay, we need to scale back and go backwards a little bit to get to plan B, possibly. That's what I'm thinking. And like, it made me think, because you said kids, so like my own kids, like just thinking of my son, who's finishing up his first year, he just finished his first year in college. His whole thing was, I want to work for mom. I want to work for mom. And he just now got this idea. I don't know. I think my husband put it in his head of like, oh, you can go into the military as like an officer once you graduate and you immediately get more money and you get more security and blah, blah, blah. So he was like, you know what, mom? I wonder if I should do that first so that I can get the medical benefits and all that, being kind of more set up, learn even more. But he's like, that's another option. So we kind of processed that with him. It's like, OK, that's an option for you. Why don't you look more, if you really think that that's what you want, look more to go sit with a recruiter, do the steps. You've got to take action on that and actually don't just say, oh, I could do this, when you really don't know what that entails. So I think that's kind of like maybe like an option B or just like an alternative, but not giving up on, I want to be where mom is one day. Cause that, you know what I mean? Like, so he eventually, that's his goal is to be where mom is and work for mom or have a Bella. But that's still part of the plan. But he might go this So I guess that's what I was asking. Is that because again, I'm always coming in from the, I mean, I coached, I mean, I've been in athletics my whole life. And so again, I think I've worked so much with a very high achieving mindset that I'm almost having to go, okay, they're already up here. And I think where I was saying, I was like, okay, but we're not there yet. And that's, I think you guys both said it the way that I was thinking. I even had one client one day, she goes, can you give me another metaphor that's not athletics? She goes, I really don't know what you're talking about. I go, shopping? Okay, we can shop. We're going to probably have to do grocery shopping because I'm not a big shopper, but I mean, but it was so cute. I'm always making sure that, you know, my little professor playbook over here. I'm like, everything to me is so, I'm always thinking you know top and especially for athletes you know their shelf life is so small that it is such a different focus because it's like they do put so many things on the back burner because they know like I might have five, you know, years professionally, if that's the goal, or, you know, getting them here. There's always that possibility of getting hurt. They have to say no to certain things. Girlfriends, boyfriends are, I mean, so there's, they've already made so many sacrifices at that point that sometimes I am saying, okay, if you get injured, if, you know, we've got, I kind of bring them back into a roundness of, okay, I'm not saying it's going to happen, but if we don't look at it and you do fall, are you going to be able to, you know, get back up? Because that's what I'm Well, that makes sense in the world of athletics. It does. You know what I mean? Because they're student athletes, so they're going to have their degrees. If they get hurt, they can Or even looking at different colleges. I've got a ton of seniors I'm working with. I swear this year, all I've done is, because a lot of kids have this college mindset of, well, I'm going to do this and this and this. I go, do you know what out-of-state tuition is? Do you know what they're doing? Do you have any idea? Have you done a FAFSA? You know, do you get bright futures? Does mom and dad pay in it? You don't have to, but have you? And they're like, I go, college is a business, just like anything else. And they don't, because my son's like, I want to go to Georgia. I know, because we even chatted. Right. And so, and I think a lot of it too is, you know, I And so I loved it when you said, like, when you go with my own personal kids, you're like, No, my kids will, I'm telling, and this is nothing against them, but they be like, oh, I just decided, you know, planning, no, Well, I mean, it's, it's about how, how they've shown up and how they've been able to, you know, they see setbacks possibly, and there are a lot of people that see setbacks as, okay, that's just not working. I just need to go. Instead of saying, all right, yeah, you have a step back, but that doesn't mean you can't accomplish that goal. And I think people, I think that has to do with like, to like that maturity mindset that you are still capable and you have that sense of like, security which takes maturity, right? It takes maturity to actually be like, I'm still amazing and I can still do this versus people get like that low self-esteem. Absolutely. And then they have a hard time kind of going, oh, Right. And now that they're in their 30s, it's totally different. It's like, no, this has to work. This is going to work. But it also goes back to what you were saying, too. It may not be the season for it to work, but that doesn't mean it won't work. And you can still continue to cultivate that goal or cultivate whatever it is you're manifesting. So with age came wisdom Yes. And that's great. And it is. I love hearing the different, just even the different households, you know, because like I said, I was raised an athlete, I have athletes in the family, and my kids are athletes. So we are very hardcore. I mean, obviously we are. I mean, and even with, you know, Reagan having a learning disability, there was never a, you know, it's, listen, it's either military, college, or, you know, I mean, there was no, and I think even with that sometimes because I know him, because, you know, It could have been, oh, And but I mean, even with that, it's, you know, it's just I love learning from y'all and even, you know, to parent a household. And even though we've got our things, but I mean, I'm just sitting there going so different. And sometimes it's like I love hearing it because I just go. We're okay. We're good. We're okay. You know what I mean? Because it's like, when you really don't know, again, we were talking about the comparing this family to that family or that mom does this or that mom does that. And, you know, we didn't have that really. Cause I mean, social media wasn't really there. And so we were just like, you said you had mom going, girl, what you doing? Girl, you better wake up. Well, I think just to kind of like sum up today's episode is, you know, if you are trying to manifest something out there, like manifesting is a big thing, but it all takes action. And it takes acknowledging that you're going to have setbacks and it may not look, and you may not be in the season that you were meant for, whatever you're going to, you know, um, your goal is and what you're trying to manifest. So, um, I think. hopefully our listeners have gained some insight on Yeah, I did. I'd say a setback is a setup I like that. I love it. You guys are great with your metaphors and So, well, thank you all for joining us and we'll see you next week.