How to Survive Cultural Stigma Around Mental Health (A Veteran’s Story) | Therapists Unhinged Ep.9

In this episode of Therapists Unhinged, we had the incredible opportunity to sit down with our second guest, Alexa, a 52-year-old Puerto Rican veteran who shared her powerful journey through mental health and personal transformation.

From the outset, Alexa opened up about her struggles with therapy and medication, emphasizing that finding the right combination was crucial for her healing. She candidly discussed the stigma surrounding mental health, particularly within the military and her cultural background, where seeking help is often viewed as a weakness. Alexa's story is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, as she navigated her upbringing, military service, and the complexities of coming out in a strict religious environment.

Throughout our conversation, Alexa's humor and authenticity shone through, reminding us that while the path to mental wellness is fraught with challenges, it is also filled with moments of growth and self-discovery. She shared how her wife played a pivotal role in encouraging her to seek therapy and how important it is to find a therapist with whom you can connect.

We also delved into the broader implications of mental health in the military community, discussing the need for better support systems and the importance of understanding one's emotions. Alexa's transformation from feeling like a victim to embracing her identity as a survivor is a powerful reminder that healing is possible with dedication and the right support.

This episode serves as a beacon of hope for anyone struggling with their mental health. We hope that Alexa's story resonates with our listeners and inspires them to seek help, embrace their journeys, and remember that they are not alone in their struggles. Join us for this enlightening and heartfelt discussion on Therapists Unhinged!

Transcript

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I hated the fact that I had to go to the therapist. If you want therapy to work, you can make therapy work. But it's not a magic pill. It definitely doesn't happen overnight. I tried just a medication route. That didn't work. I tried just a therapy route. That didn't work. I have to have a combination of both. One doesn't If you are the strongest person in your family and everybody depends on you, I was just an angry child, and I didn't touch therapy again until... Hello, everybody. Welcome to episode nine. Today is a very special day. We have our second guest. Our guest's name is Alexa. And I'm going to have Robin tell you a little bit more about her. But her background is basically I'm gonna tell you, first of all, she's a veteran. So all the veterans listening. She supports our military. That's why she is so important as well. Go ahead and introduce. All right. Well, you know, here's the thing. I had the pleasure of meeting, you know, Miss Alexa a few years ago, Rebella Mental Health, and I just knew right off the bat that When we said therapist unhinged, she had to be on here because unhinged, it is unhinged, but also probably one of my favorite people. And I did tell her in the beginning I felt a little bad because we always have gifts for our people, but there was a mishap. But I do have a couple little things because I want her to feel more comfortable while she's here because I do know her. She loves a good safari. Oh, my God. And your friends are here. Uh huh. And so we have to make sure. Y'all will have to hear the story about this later, but there's a turtle might be in as far as listen This is probably the most important one and what we'll talk about this is far You can see when I say that honestly I was telling I You know, TJ and I said, you know, y'all just have to meet this this wonderful lady. She's got such a wonderful background. Her journey has been like nobody's. And I told her one time way back when we were working, I said, you know, something about you told me, I said, I got to do this right. So. I already knew I would, but. She's just very, very special. And she's funny. And her background, like I said, and her journey to where she was to where she is now is just humbling to be around her. Yes, I And this is why we said in the very beginning of our first podcast that our Clients teach us something, too. It's not a one-way relationship. So it sounds like you definitely are one of those for Robin, and I love that. I don't know you that well, obviously, but just from knowing a little bit, I can't wait to hear what And I'm just going to tell you, I'll put your seat belts on. That's all I got to say because, hey, Alexa. playing me some 80s rock girl. Of course. Welcome, Thank you guys. I appreciate you guys having me here. This is definitely going to be a crazy ride. Number one, me even coming into here and being open with you guys and I'm putting information out there for individuals like me a few years ago. But, you know, I can tell you a little bit about myself. So everybody knows 52 year old Puerto Rican woman. And I'm a veteran was in the military for eight years. I was a sergeant. I did communications, I got to jump out of helicopters and be a console, commanding console operator for four brigades at Fort Campbell, Kentucky. So I was there for five years and that's where I met my wife, not at the time, but I love you, baby, wherever you are. She's awesome, by the way. And then my journey with the military had started, but there's a lot of different moving parts, obviously. And I was raised by very strict parents, very religious, strict parents. The great thing about my family was that when I turned six, they decided to uproot and move from Puerto Rico to the United States. So I think that, and I thank my mom till this day, I said, that's the best thing you could have done for me. Because had we moved to New York, I probably wouldn't be alive right now, knowing the type of person that I am. Or had we stayed in Puerto Rico, things would have been a little bit different. So I think, but the journey is here. And not to say that the one that I have wasn't difficult because it was, it is still, it's a work in progress. But I would love to be able to talk about how I've gotten to I love that. Yes. Yes. And that's the thing because y'all see her and this is I think. One of the things that I know with Alexa, and she is such a humble spirit, but she's such a badass, like complete badass. And it was funny, I was thinking about it because I was just like, gosh, when I said I wanted to do it right. And one, I think just her and I, there was so much that she went through and that we worked through that resonated with me. But also, I think I was a little terrified and I didn't want to kick my ass. Um, you know, I think I was like, listen, you know, that's coming up with the cross, the side of the head, you know, but no, I mean, she really is. Like I said, she's kind of, you know, warming y'all up a little bit because, uh, you know, she's, she's very professional and very calm to me. She's not. Yeah. Um, but yeah, I mean, if you want to go into, I mean, we can talk about some of like the journey with mental health because, you know, I know when we were talking about, we love to bring the diversity in and I said, oh my gosh, I mean, she's got military, she's got culture, she got the LGBTQ, the faith, you know, everything. It's like there's so many, like you said, different things and different moving parts. And it's like, navigating through all of that to really figure out, you know, who you are in this world that we live in and, you know, how to navigate it as a female, you know, there's a lot, you know, and so tumultuous at best. And, um, I didn't accept that for myself for a very, very long time. It's a cultural thing. Um, and especially having older parents in our family or our generation, um, mental health wasn't the thing. You worked your problems out at home. You didn't take your shit outside. You know, you just, you kept it inside the family or you didn't speak about it at all. And so anytime something would come up, you just bury it and bury it and bury it. And so I thought I was like any other kid. I knew there was some differences in me, but as a child, you don't really know any better. There were some things that happened growing up that robbed my youth from the age of three to about the age of 12 and give or take a few years. But that did something to me in my adolescent years where there was, I wasn't thinking like a child. And so when I got to my teen years, I was a very angry child. I couldn't, I didn't have an outlet. And on top of that, I had much older siblings that were already out of the house. So I was like an only child with older parents, very strict guidelines. I knew there was something different about me, didn't know what it was. There was sexual abuse in there, not with my immediate family, but there was that underlying factor. So when I got around 14 or 15, my mom is a retired nurse. Her DON recommended that I go to therapy. And my mom fought that for the longest time. Well, go to church and do it that way. And, um, somehow she changed her mind. I went to my very first therapist at 15 and me being the smart-ass kid that I was, I was like, I'm only gonna let her know what I want her to know. And I was just an angry little girl. And I played with her and made her very upset, you know, wasted the therapist's time. I was just an angry child and that stopped. And I didn't touch therapy again until I got out of the So in all of that, uh, I have had, um, my fair share of therapists, um, or lack thereof and no offense to anyone. It's like going to buy a car or home or going to the doctor that you want to go to. You have to find someone that you can connect with. I'm glad you're sharing that because a lot of people, they stop, you know, after having one or two or. experiences. I also have about 30 years of experience. I didn't feel that way at first because I too used to think that I used to think that taking medication was the and it's done. It's fixed. No, of course, it's not that, you know, and then I realized I did just a medication route that didn't work. I tried just a therapy route that didn't work me. It's I have to have a combination of both. One doesn't work out for me. It doesn't work. Um, but getting to that point was very difficult. I didn't accept the fact, I hated the fact that I had to go to the therapist. It wasn't until I was probably like 15 years ago where my wife said to me, I think you're depressed. And I was like, that's everybody. And she goes, no, I'm not, I'm not kidding. I want to ask you these questions. And she proceeded to ask me like 15 or 20 questions. And I'm like, I'm like, did I pass? She goes, yeah, unfortunately you did. And we need to go see someone. And that started my journey. Again, I went back into therapy and I'm supposed to tell you my problems. I'm like, you don't know what you're talking about. You don't make me feel safe. You don't make me feel comfortable. This is because I have to tell you guys, when I was in Phoenix, my very first and last, nothing against psychiatrists, but he was a psychiatrist, very well-known psychiatrist in Phoenix. And so I went in a very prominent hospital in Phoenix. And yeah, so I waited a couple of months for this appointment and I went to see this doctor. And when I walked in, literally looked like you were stepping into South Africa, Bombay, He had, I'm not kidding you, the wall, it was a mini library with, you know, the ladder that slides? And He had pictures of safaris and he loved to hear himself talk. And so he would say, okay, so how did your morning go? And I would say, well, you know, he goes, you know, I was driving over here and I was stuck at the light and I wanted just to cuss that guy out next to me. But, you know, I started thinking about when I was in med school and they taught us to just make sure you zet. And I'm like, hello. And with that, his answer to everything, he was all about medication. He was like, I want you to try these new medications that came out and it just didn't work for me. That may work for someone else, but for me, it didn't work. I gave up many, many times in that period. And I only accepted the fact that I needed therapy to get better when I started with Bella. And that's nothing against anyone else, but it's like shopping for someone who understands you, right? And you guys know it too. I'm sure as providers, you know So I hated every moment of it, every fucking moment of it. And she knows that. And I would come in therapy the next week. I'm like, I fucking hate you and love you. No homo. And she would say, you're welcome. And it would take months later to understand why. But I told you. And I think the thing is, is that, you know, the best thing with Alexa is that because again, you know, we talk about all the time, especially in psychology class, I go, you know, we're like basically the same age, you know, we're the Gen Xers and we've been grown since we were seven. And there was, I said, I tell my students, I go, emotions weren't invented back then. There wasn't anything, you know? And so when you've had all of this, when you know that you're different, but you don't know what, and then again, like I said, the cultural, the, you know, faith-based, the, you know, military stuff, everything, just the trauma, the age, the little girl all by herself with older, and then it's like the first time she goes, okay, yep. And she gets, you know, a safari tour guide through, you know, Wild Kingdom. And again, no, you know, I don't know. But still, I mean, that's why the cute thing when I was like, OK, wait, I got to go. I'm getting the stuffed animals out of my house or thing. And I even to my mom, I go, she's going to call me now. So I'm just letting you know she's going to be like. Oh, I love it. But Robin, that's the thing. I was going to have a little something. But I mean, she is literally epitome of you cannot beat somebody that refuses to give up. And when I say as I got to know her and I was like, I have to do this right. And you She deserves it. That's the thing. And that's the thing, too, like I know for us as clinicians, it's like when we see somebody that has tried different approaches, has has gone through the process and it's like listening to advice, it's not that you're not doing the work, it's that you've been doing the work, but it's just not working for you. and you come to us, we're supposed to be like, OK, what didn't work for you? And I'm going to do something different or we're going to find you a way to make sure it's different, because that is our job and that's what we should be doing. So to know that Robin did take that so seriously and she was able to connect with you that way, like that, that's what makes it all about. That's what it's all about. And, you know, I don't know how I know you said your wife was a big part of why you kind of So do you think like, if you didn't have that strong support system, you would have Yeah. And that's... She saved my life. And so did you. You don't even know it. I was very broken. And I want people to hear that because I could have given up. I wanted to. And when I walked into these doors, I came in with a jacket and it was fucking hot outside, but I was protecting myself. And all she said was, you're safe here. And that's what I needed. Because I felt you meant so for those people out there. that think that it can't work for you, it can. But I'm gonna tell you right now, you gotta fucking work. You gotta fucking work for it. And like I told Dr. McCormick, is that I made a decision walking into Bella that my will to get better is stronger and bigger than the will to not fight. So I'm here. exposing myself in the wrong to help people. And I want them to know that it works, but it's not easy. It isn't easy at all. So. I love that. Thank you so much because you know, you remind, I think everybody and anyone who's going to listen to this is that like the hardest things you know, or the greatest things that come out of the hardest moments is what it's going to take, take the most work. And I don't know a lot of your history. I only know like bits and pieces, but like, just to know that, like, first of all, whatever trauma has happened, the military, we know that the military has, you know, a lot of things, you know, which we'll touch more about, but, Well, and again, you know, I think the biggest thing with Alexa was that, and it was funny because, you know, I had just made the transition over. So I was still kind of, you know, coming from academics and coming back to full time and doing mental health. And, you know, she came in so early on in my journey here, you know, that, I think we were both so on the same page as far as my will and my passion to hone this craft and bring everything in was greater than, okay, I'm nervous about switching and I loved Nella's concept and coming in and it was just such a I really do believe because I wasn't quite as sassy as I am now because I was just like, Oh my gosh, I'm back in this. And so I was a little green too, because I'd been out of it for 10 years. And so I was very cautious. And it is funny because one of the strongest people I know, and I know I'm pretty strong, but it did teach me a big lesson, too, is that, and I know I'm silly and will dance and everything else, but it has really, really opened my eyes, too, is that you have to meet people where they are. You have to meet people where they are. There were so many times that she would just be like, we're not going there. I said, yes, ma'am. And there was no question, there was no anything, but even with that, and I think this is where I work with some of my younger clients at the college and stuff, and especially people that have been just so shut down, and even their personality, a little more introverted, you gotta be okay with saying what you're ready to do. You have to be okay when saying, I don't feel safe going there yet. I cannot do that yet. even when the authority is your clinician, even when it's, and then even coming in here and Alexa, no, I'm very, very protective of her because I do know. And that's why I was like, okay, it's this, whatever you want to do, you know, I said, we're three feet of water here, you know, because again, it's, people don't understand. They're like, yeah, but you can get over that or you can get over that. Well, good for you, but don't have an opinion where you don't have a responsibility. So easy for somebody on the outside. And that's the thing, the work that we do, it's not just us. It's not just us. When people say, oh, you did this. I said, no, no, baby, I was just holding your hand. I just had a flashlight in the dark. I just showed you where the on button was. You have it. And that's the thing. She already did. And so that was a done deal before Absolutely. And Alyssa, you know, knowing that you are a veteran and you have, you still work in the community with veterans, correct? So what would you, what do you say to people like that are in the position of like still hesitant to go to therapy and, you Kind of like touching base on what I said earlier. I was one of those people that was skeptical because I grew up thinking that mental health therapy and educating yourself It's just taboo. You didn't talk about it. You don't tell your family, your business to people you don't know, but it's nothing like that, right? It's whatever you make it. And if you want therapy to work, you can make therapy work, but it's not a magic pill. It doesn't happen. Definitely, definitely doesn't happen overnight. You have to be ready to accept what you're hearing and be willing to change for the better. Sometimes you're going to hear things that are very difficult to swallow. I mean, it's not an easy journey by any means. That's not what therapy is there for. But there is light. If you do the work, if you really dig deep, I think that you can get some solstice out of it. You can get something out of it. But if you were a skeptic like me, I'm the person that I have to hear somebody tell me like it fucking work. It works. OK, it fucking works. You just have to you just have to, you know, strap on your boots and work on it and be ready to accept the truth and And do you think that you had any support from the military, like your higher ranks and stuff to go and get help. Like during that time, I know you said you were in for eight years. Did you ever, did they talk about it? Did So my therapy didn't start until after I got out of the service. But as far as while I was in to talk about, no, they're not in the time that I was in like, no. There's no talking about going to a therapist or mental health And I feel like that's still a thing now from what I understand. And that's why I was asking you is like, you know, if you were kind of maybe more supported and more encouraged to go even during those eight years, like they had that more. I don't know. I would hope that that would make more of a difference for So I guess a better way of saying is that I'm sure that there were programs that I'm sure there's programs while I was there. But if you're asking me as a soldier, it's a bit of an oxymoron because you're asking me to go talk about my feelings when I'm supposed to be a fucking bad bitch. I mean, that's really what it boils down to. And You just take And it's funny because one of my younger clients that I'm working with, we literally were looking at the different branches and, you know, she's a female and, you know, she's always wanted to be a Marine. And so, but we had to really, I was, we did some research and we're even looking at like ADHD and, you know, medication and protocols and academics and IEPs and there's some branches now and I'm sitting there going, oh my goodness. there's still a disconnect. And again, but it comes down to, you're training to be a soldier, you know, there is no emotions. You can't take it personally. You are in there to make sure that you don't die, you know? And so it is like, even when I was here in Nella, you know, say that, and I know, you know, you're with military, you know, your family. And so, I mean, my family's a lot of ex-military too, But it is hard because it's just like what I see is the transition coming out. You know, because again, it's like, even if you look at like attorneys, you know, and sometimes people are like, oh, my attorney is such a this and this and that. They can't be emotional. There's no emotions in court. It's this court of law. It's this, it's you don't want somebody in there that gets emotional because then it starts to have a, you start to get like, oh, wait, you know, and unfortunately like, oh, that's a female with a, oh, she would, no, you can't, that's enemy, you know? It's hard. It's hard because you want that, you know, but definitely what I would say is how can we transition, like, you know, because I know we've got the VA, we've got all these things, and I know we've got a lot more that's happening, I would believe. But that would be my biggest thing is like, even like with the prisoners, you know, I know, because you do a lot of forensics is transitioning back into civilian life. And, you know, that's where I've seen, you know, and I know, I mean, I've had quite a few, you know, veterans that I've worked with and everything. That's been the struggle, you know, So this is why I ask you about the different programs, too, is because, yes, you had to be a fucking bad bitch, You had to be strong. You had to just focus on, you know, the eye on the prize, whatever it was that your mission was. My take on it about therapy is not just, okay, let's talk about your feelings and what happened to you about your past. My take on why I think it's so important, even while you're active duty and in the services, you become a better person, which then creates a transition into, okay, I'm not only a better person now because I understand myself, I understand why I react to certain things or why I'm hypersensitive to things, why I'm not sensitive to other things. So once you understand that and you're going through, let's say you're active duty in four years and you're jumping out at airplanes, yeah, you're not necessarily going to want to cry while you're about to jump out of an airplane. However, if you were in therapy, I feel like therapy can also be that point of understanding why you even think the way you think, why you react the way you do. All that I think would be make you an even better soldier. at that time. So that's why I'm like, okay, yeah, it's not, I get the transition. Absolutely. I'm glad you obviously went to therapy after, but I feel like if, if, if they knew the military would know that they can be better soldiers, even though they're in therapy, they don't have to just say, okay, I talk about my feelings and Yeah, there's a lot more to that. So, I mean, there's a lot of things that's very oniony, that's very layered. So just know that, yes, the programs are there, especially for veterans, right? So Active Army, I can't speak on. I can go to the VA right now, they have multi-crisis lines, they have programs for, now they're there, not to say that you don't have to wait months and months and months That's where the community should come in and say, let's let's get the overflow. So, people outside of the VA, they're called a community. So, anytime that the VA has an overflow, which is pretty much a lot all the time, especially mental health. Um, we go into the community. The problem with that is that we don't get to choose where we go. Then we go back to that problem of I'm going to go to a therapist that I'm not comfortable with. And now I'm going to have to tell you not only about what's wrong with me, I have to tell you all of my trauma all over again. They don't want to read notes. They want to know from the beginning. And it's like, You understand? So yes, I agree with you very much so that the education should be embedded. I can't speak on the active part, at least for when I was in because of my culture and because I was a soldier, the last thing I was going to do was go seek therapy. And I hate to say that, but because my mentality was I am a fucking badass bitch, I'm not going to seek help. And things did happen while I was in the military and I didn't at all. However, when I got out, the military knows about it now. So. Now, but 25 years later, this is the by-product. So you're right, it's a catch 22 double-edged sword thing going on there. But yes, that's very layered, very layered. And I'm gonna piggyback right there, it's the same in athletics. It's the same in sports. Because again, when you're thinking about, I gotta be the top soldier, I gotta be the top athlete, I gotta be this. If anybody thinks that there's a crack in the dam, I'm gonna, I can't be, what I'm supposed to be in I think that's life. So, you know, also, you know, if you're the if you are the strongest person in your family and everybody depends on you, how dare you crack? You know, I think it's like that is exactly because I know, especially in the African-American community, you have like the, you know, people that are like the matriarchs or the patriarchs that are really strong. And it's like, OK, everybody comes and dumps off on you. But who do you dump off on? So that And there's a bunch of those people in the military and the ones that are unhinged or coming undone at the seams, they go, they And sometimes that's why they go in, you know, because they've had all this responsibility and it's like, okay, well, I can check out, but then Or intensify. I've seen, a lot. So yes, it's like anything else, whether it's athletics or the military, it Yeah. And it just, it doesn't always bother me. Like, cause I think I always think the veterans and people, you know, who are even active duty should be like worshiped in my opinion. I mean, I'm just like, because you're sacrificing so much being away from your family, dying, you know, the mental health piece of it, like all of the, there's so much. And I, it just like, for me being passionate about mental health, I'm like, what can we do? What can we do while you guys are even in, you know, I've spoken at, you know, Patrick Air Force Base and Space Force now. I've spoken there and stuff, but I'm like, it's not enough. Because let's say I speak at Patrick's Space Force Base about mental health, and there's people sitting there that are active duty, and they go to their superior and say, hey, she said something. I feel like I need help. Everything's going to unravel for which is why we're doing podcasts, because here's the thing. I'm a firm believer that when you are doing it for the benefit of society, there's always a way to get your point, you know? And that's what I'm saying. And it's funny that y'all said this because last night I was, this week, I don't even know where I was, but it was something. And, you know, again, I'm learning to do the TikTok and all that, which sometimes is cracking me up. Still, I think I have five friends now, but six, maybe. Still can't find you. You're on there. I'm on there too. I can't find myself, so I'm sorry. But, and there's always the, Oh, if you're this, then that. If you're this, then that. And I'm like, stop with the causation. Stop labeling people. And it's funny because one of my clients and, you know, God lover, she just went through a, you know, pretty big, you know, divorce and everything. And she's doing great and she's amazing. And she's this wonderful person and, you know, everything. We all have our crisis. But even like the language, I don't know, I'm a big language. And she goes, yeah, well, because I'm a people pleaser. And I go, no, you're not. Oh, because I go, no, you're not. I go, you're a person. You're a human. Stop labeling yourself. Oh, no. And that's the thing. Oh, well, you know, because no, no. And I'm constantly, you know, just going, no, you're not. No, you're not. Why would you say that? What happened? Who told you that? But I think we get in our own heads of I'm an athlete. I'm a military, you know, military spouse. My culture. I'm the patriarch, the matriarch. It's, you know. OK. And you special. No. You human? Yep. You cry and break just like everybody else? I take a little more. But I think that's the important thing. And we gotta just keep putting it out there and stop allowing, we talked, I think, last week when we were talking about, you know, our identities. You know, your identity is you. You're your own little human. and you can only take care of you as best as you can. But again, we cannot let the fear of man keep us from our destiny. We cannot let anybody else thinks about us, guide us. Talk Well, I want to also ask Alexa too. I know from what Robin told me, you're big in, are you big in the LGBTQ community or you're just part I don't know what you define as big. I'm a part, a huge part of it. I can tell you that, but I mean, I don't, you know, you know, go to pride or anything, although my wife wants to, but no, we don't party or anything. We don't go to like community. We'll go to like pride festivals here and there, but I'm not huge in Well, I mean, everyone is different. Everyone, that's your choice. Um, now my question too, is that you said, But you're being the cultural is a big thing for you and the religion. So how how And shit like that was horrible. So here's the way I came out. This should tell you something. My mom's a very, very religious woman, very, very, very Christian woman. And I was 19 years old. If you can do the math, you can do the math, but I'm not mapping right now. But, uh, I was working at a, um, non-for-profit medical clinic and I was going to college. Like I was doing like three part time job, very busy. And I was 19 years old and I woke up one morning and decided that I'm gonna tell my mom I'm gay. I don't know why I thought that. My mom already went to work. She was the nurse at this facility. Back then, you didn't get ID'd the way you get ID'd now. So I went and bought myself four 40s. That's four. I kid you not. Went back home, packed up all of my bags. I had two huge suitcases. Drank two out of the four 40s. Now, mine weighed about 105 pounds at that time. Yeah. Called my mom and said, I need you home, we need to talk, click. And if you know my mother, she was ready to beat me through the phone. So she thought something was wrong and there was obviously. She came by the time she got home, I was already, you know, inebriated. I was already working on my fourth 40 in like three hours. And she came in the door and she says, what's wrong with you? And she says, oh my God, what's, why are you drunk? And are you fucking pregnant? She didn't say fuck, by the way. And I said, no, I'm not pregnant. On the contrary. I'm gay. And she just, I didn't want to break my mom's heart, you know, but something in me was like, you don't feel right. faking it. You know what I mean? So I told her and there was this huge, what felt forever, pause. And I was getting up to go grab my suitcase. I don't know where I thought I was going. I really don't like the lifestyle, but you're my daughter and I love you. Now, mind you, this was at 1952. That's Oh, hugely, hugely. And so that opened up Pandora's box. Now, did I go down that route? No, I ended up marrying a man. I did that. That didn't work for me. I knew it didn't work for me. We separated. And then I joined the military, went to college, joined the military. And then I was an equal opportunity lesbian. We came out and did a lot of, you know, equal opportunity. I loved women. I hung out with nothing but guys, right? And there was a bar. It was called Slammers. And it was, it was a four day weekend and it was Penny Sundays. You don't tell military folks that it's Penny Sundays for beer, draft beer. So we all took Crown Royal bags full of pennies. You know, the crown robe. Yes. Oh, my gosh. And we all went to this bar and we go and they they would have given it to us for free. Like we we brought in a lot of people. So we're having a good old time. We were there super early. So it was hardly anybody there. The later it gets, more people start coming in. We're sitting there dancing and having a good time. And my guy friends used to fuck with me all the time because like, oh, you talk all this shit, you can get any chick and all this stuff. I'm like, I can. And they're like, yeah, right. Bullshit. You talk so much shit. I said, OK. So it just so happened that this girl, really pretty girl, walked in with this guy. She was mixed. He was this white guy. He kind of looked like the singer John B. Oh, yeah, with the thin. Yeah, really nice. It was a decent looking guy. And I said, pick any girl. I mean, I was cocky as fuck back then. I thought my shit didn't stink. You know, I pick any girl. We were all drunk talking shit. And they're like that one. And I looked, I was like, OK, by the end of the night, I'll have her phone number. I'm like, whatever, whatever. I was like, OK, sitting there having a good time. We're on the dance floor. She's dancing with her man and my guy. All my guy friends are all black guys and they're all talking shit about this zombie looking guy. Right. Having this really pretty girl. And they're all talking smack on the donor on the door. I we're on the dance floor and at one point I'll try to condense this a little bit but on the dance floor I saw them dancing and they got a little close to us and my guy friends were like oh are you gonna dance with her and I was like oh So I go over, like, I'm gonna dance on her. Like, I made sure she felt my presence, but I didn't touch her. And then I walked, like, she thought I was gonna dance with her, and I kept, and I sat down, and she's just kind of looking around. The guy's getting upset at her, because I don't know why, and we sit down. My guy friends are like, you're not gonna get that. You're not gonna get down like whatever so They're arguing the guy and this pretty girl are arguing. They happen to sit next to us a couple chairs next to us and at one point she comes over and sits next to me some stuff happens she sits next to me and We start talking and my guy friends are all talking shit. They're all like, oh my god, and i'm like Okay. So a few minutes later, she gets up and her and her boyfriend leave or whatever he was. She told me it was just a friend, whatever. And She leaves. And I'm like, oh, you see, you get shit. You didn't get shit through the napkin. I like home phone, work phone, They were like, oh, what would you do? I said nothing. Listen, but here's the funny thing, you guys. OK, I love you, baby. I love you. Yeah, I do not say her wife is amazing. But the funny thing is, is that this was this is the way I would go. Come in. First of all, tell me what I wasn't going to do. So I'd sit there, and then she'd be like, story, ready for your story? Hold on, she goes, no, there was something you said to me like three weeks ago. We need to talk about that. And I'm thinking, what the hell did I say? I'm going, I don't even know. She goes, no, I'm gonna let you know. So then she's all whatever, and then it would be five minutes, and she would start dropping these stories on me every session, and I'm just going, Who are you? Like funniest damn thing. And I'm just like, oh my God. It's like crazy stuff, y'all, crazy stuff. But that's where I was like, y'all, the best thing is, is that, you know, talking about Oxymore and I said, you know, she comes in and it's all, we've always said that like, oh, underestimate us. So that'll be fun, you know? And it's just, that's why I said, I was like, y'all have to just meet her because I'm like, you can't not love her, you know? And that's the thing when we were like unhinged, like, oh, I got unhinged for y'all. right here. But even with that, and real quick, because I know we're wrapping up, but can we get to what you're doing now? Because this is so beautiful. Talk Yeah, so where I'm at now, well, three years later and lots of therapy and lots of talking and crying and yelling and screaming and saying shit doesn't work, shit works. And I'm at a very good place right now. I was just thinking about you earlier this week because, you know, still trekking each day is a different day. You still have to deal with life. You still have to deal with crap. And I got so frustrated the other day and I was just like, What would Robin And so, and for me, that's a good thing because it kind of recalibrates me and say, I have this internal dialogue of, I know what I want to do. I used to be very quick to anger. I was very quick to just shut you down and not even want to hear it. The typical Puerto Rican woman. Okay. But I've learned now to just, Listen to my wife and, you know, we're not perfect, but because of coming here, because of staying consistent, because I didn't give up, because I still don't want to give up, even when it gets to the point where I just want to throw my hands up and say, fuck it. I don't because I am responsible for me first and then the people around me. So I don't want to die. I don't want to kill myself. I don't want to do any of those things. What I want is to be able to breathe. Normally, I want to be able to say I've got this and the world is not going to fall apart It's not my fault. It's it's okay to feel shameful But Oh, they absolutely do. And I'll tell you, it took me, what, almost two years for me to tell you that I was a survivor and not a victim. Because I went in as a victim very much. And I called myself that. And she didn't prompt me. She didn't say, I just came in one day. At the very end, I said, you know what? I'm Yeah. And you know what? You being a survivor, and I think a lot of people can resonate with this, is that you're as tough on the... When I see people that are as tough and direct and I don't give a shit attitude, there it is, is... The people that have probably the most underlying hardship that that's how, that's how you had to cope all your life. So you became that strong person that you really needed in your life. You became the strong woman that you needed in your life really. And needed you just, that was your survival. So when I see people as strong and hardcore and like you, I'm like, she has history there. There's history. There's a reason why. And not that it's a bad thing because it's who you are. And now you're even more adaptable. when shit goes south, right? Because life is going to continue to throw shit at you. May not be the same that it did when you were a child or a teenager, but there's still going to be things that you're going to have to deal with. And now, you know, like, okay, I got past that 20 years ago. I'm Yeah. And I wouldn't have been able to do that, you know, because I just I thought most of us think, well, I can figure it out or I'll figure it out, especially if you're an older person. You just like I don't want to really burden anybody. I don't want to. But I've learned to ask for help. That's one of those things. And me being here was a huge one. For me, and it said one of the questions was, what is one of the things that would be probably you guys wouldn't believe I'm an extremely shy person. Very shy. Extremely introvert, like this right here is because I feel safe around you guys. And I want when I know it may benefit someone, then all that shyness is out the fucking door. But the moment I leave here, I'm like, Yeah, but I can, I can, I can relate because like I said, even though I'm like doing what I do and I have to talk to people all the time and network and do all that. I prefer to be sitting on my couch and nobody's talking to me. Like that's really my life. And you guys, my husband, my husband is the most like, and he'll talk to anybody anywhere, the grocery store, he knows people. everywhere. And guess what? I'm like, do you ever shut up? Don't do that around me because I don't want to talk to people. I don't want to know who Yes. I will talk to a fly as long as it talks back. See, and it's funny because everybody thinks I am, but That's why I said like we're you know, we're very similar because and that's a lot of the neurodivergent That's a lot of the ADHD as long as we have a purpose Then I don't all day because to me it's a purpose and I love giving But if you just want me to small talk, yeah, I don't have to have a purpose She does like and it's funny because and I told her so I said she always says Oh No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, You could just tell you come from just a lot of shit. Not You can talk to me like that. I can't understand that talk. We're And the reason why you have that hard exterior is because that's who you've had to be in order to survive. And I'm glad That robin has been able to kind of break that down and then you have a good support system Like your wife has been able That's what i'm saying Like you had and I think that's big to like for other people to like listen to you like that in itself Because of the brokenness if I didn't have that support I wouldn't not nothing negative against dr. McCormick, but I only had her for an hour. So what happens to the other 23 hours, if you don't have that support at home, then everything you work on, you can't put into use. Or if you have somebody who's negative or who's just that shit doesn't work, it does work. And don't listen to people that's telling you it doesn't work because that is just a stigma. It really is. And I was the one that used to say, I'm going to go to talk to somebody about my problem. Hell no. But the moment I trusted someone and they weren't there to hurt me in any way or take my information and use it against me somehow, because that's how I thought. Right. And so when you find that comfort, You need to covet that and harness it because we don't get that a lot in this world. People really give a shit. People like you guys who give a shit, like really give a shit. And as a patient who really wants to work on things, we can read energy. We can feel it. You know, I know when somebody wants to, work with me. She cried with me. She laughed with me. She did all those things with me. And that shows me like, fuck, she gives a fuck and she understands me. I don't even I didn't have to say hardly anything in session sometimes. And she knew it was I was like, I'm not going to tell her she knows because I don't want her to be like, you're welcome. You're welcome. You're one You're welcome. I'm like, I didn't even say thank you. Hello. You're welcome. Thank you. But that's what I'm saying. It really was. And I think even when you say that, that is where the therapist and even on a business side... We've been grinding. There's always something. We're all just like, Lord, enough of the labor pains already. Coach, show me the baby. And that is such a blessing, I think, to us. And I was telling Ellen and TJ, I said, as soon as we started talking about the podcast or anything, and she was like, sign me up. What is it? Where are we going? What's happening? Y'all deserve it. And even if we just look at females, strong females, I say iron sharpens iron. Absolutely. you know, it does really take, I think, somebody, you know, I always say, when you are living that authentic life, you know, that being a person of excellence, doing the extra mile, not because of any monetary, it's never about you, it's always about somebody else, you know, and that creates that space for, people to be vulnerable with you, you know, and then that's the connections and then that's the, you know, and I remember, you know, when you came the first time when you said I was able to stand up for myself and it was okay no matter how anybody else responded. I was like, girl, you need to let say less. I mean, because that's really, I think the biggest thing, especially is that when we don't know how to navigate or really what we're feeling or why we're feeling it or are we allowed to feel it. how in the world are we supposed to communicate that to somebody? And the last thing we want to do is hurt our loved ones, but we're hurting so bad, you know? And then when we finally go, you know, weakness is not wickedness, like, but they don't know either, you know? Well, because hurt people hurt So this has been amazing. Alexa, you've been such Thank you guys. And it was exciting to just listen to your story of, you know, healing I know we need to hear more of that and like to share your story and to like what therapy has done for you. And like all of that is just amazing. Thank you guys. We know that you're going to help some of our listeners out. Just go to therapy Oh, thank you guys for having me. I appreciate it.