How Cheerleading Became Her Lifeline Through Mental Health Battles | Therapists Unhinged Ep. 13

She’s Only 18... But What She Says About Mental Health Will Leave You Speechless

This week, the Therapists Unhinged crew gets real with a powerful new voice: 18-year-old Aniah, recent graduate, elite all-star cheerleader, and daughter of co-host Nella.

In this raw and emotional conversation, Aniah opens up about:

• How cheerleading saved her mental health
• The pressure teens feel from social media and parents
• Her honest take on therapy, trauma, and what actually helps
• Losing a friend to suicide, and the importance of support at home
• Becoming a coach at 18 and what it taught her about leadership

With Nella, TJ, and Dr. Robin holding space and sharing laughs, this is one of our most important episodes yet. If you’re a parent, teacher, coach, or just want to understand Gen Z better, this one is a must-listen.

Transcript

Aniah: 0:00

Our coaches are like the best people ever, but like we're raised by them to be good people. I've learned more from cheer for like everything than I have in high school, I think as an escape because like there's not really anything to think about when you're there besides cheer, even in summer practice there's nothing else to think about, but like it's a distraction, but also like good place to use any emotions, anger.

Nella: 0:19

And tumbling, and I love seeing her and being her mom and watching her do all this has been very different for me because, oh, hello. Hey everybody. Welcome to episode 13, 13. Wow. Lucky. Lucky. Oh my goodness. As you can tell, we have a special guest. Yes.

Dr. Robin: 0:47

Very special. Yes. And this guest.

Nella: 0:49

Is 18 years old. She is a recent high school graduate, woo woo. And a professional, I would say professional, competitive, all star cheerleader. Oh, she

Dr. Robin: 1:04

absolutely.

Nella: 1:05

She also is the daughter of myself.

Dr. Robin: 1:09

Let's go. Yay.

Nella: 1:12

I have spoken about Anaya many times on the podcast. Different, different reasons. Some

Dr. Robin: 1:17

were good, some were good. Some, some were good, some

TJ: 1:20

were good. Some mostly good. Yes. No, they were good. Yes, absolutely. And

Nella: 1:25

the reason why we decided to bring her on is because she has a full ability to talk about so many different things. She's not only. The young, you know, young adult, she's also, um, you know, very much into sports. She struggled with her own mental health and she is my daughter. So this girl is, she knows this is gonna be raw. The all of the

TJ: 1:52

above.

Nella: 1:53

Yeah. Raw and relatable. Mm-hmm. And I'm okay. And I'm giving you the floor that, don't worry about me here, because if you wanna say something, you say it. Safe space. Safe space. I don't do that anyway. I know. See. Oh, oh, that's good. Okay. But, um, so Anaya, we know that, I just wanna start off by saying. Won't give too much of your mental health 'cause that's your personal stuff, but whatever you wanna share is up to you. But this child has told me many times how important cheer has been for her mental health, and that makes me think of sports in general for kids and what it does for them. A lot of people are just like, oh, well let's just keep 'em busy. Let's just do this. No. It is more than that. Absolutely. Can you tell us what cheer and being in a sport has done for you in your life?

Aniah: 2:42

I feel like it's a place to go where like, I don't know, to get away from home or anything. Not that home is bad, but it has been before.

Nella: 2:51

It has been before. Yeah. And has it been like an escape for you?

Aniah: 2:56

Yeah.

Nella: 2:56

Yeah, as an escape,

Aniah: 2:58

because like there's not really anything to think about when either besides cheer, like. Even in summer practices, like not having a routine, like just you had, you know, there's nothing else to think about. So like, it's a distraction, but also a good place to like, I don't know, use your any emotions, anger and tumbling. Mm-hmm. I like that. Mm-hmm. Or anything like.

Nella: 3:20

Getting out that frustration or stress or anxiety that you have, you're able to like Yeah. Put it out there on the floor. Yeah. In competition, I

Aniah: 3:29

can't like overthink about something if I'm upside down or throwing a girl in the air. Yeah. And I can't think about something that's going on at home or in school. Mm-hmm. If I'm focusing on something else.

TJ: 3:43

How long have you been doing cheer Anaya?

Aniah: 3:45

Since

Nella: 3:45

I was 12. So. Before that she was in gymnastics and dance, a hiphop dance. I was like

Aniah: 3:53

really young though, like. Right. It wasn't really that competitive that happened

Nella: 3:57

and at that time, I would say, well, around eight, nine years old, that's probably when some events in her life would have impacted her own mental health. So I think, of course everyone knows of middle school. That's kind of when everyone changes into aliens, look at her face. I mean, she admits it. Middle school, she always says like, I don't even know who I was in middle school. Like she knew she, but you're not

Dr. Robin: 4:18

supposed to. And that's no. That's what's happened. And I know that we had done some education and I taught middle school, you know, he, and I'm an athlete, so, you know, but I mean, and I think, but that's the problem is that there used to be a much broader way for kids to feel kind of out of place. And now I think especially when we had COVID and everything dropped and um, we've had a lot of sports that are not school related. And so it's like. There, there's almost like a disconnect. And I know cheer is one of those in particular because you know, I'm coming from high school cheer and I did cheer, you know, my whole life too. I'm an I and I, you know, we're a little cheer babies, but all star cheer is very, very different than high school cheer. You know, because you're not cheering games, you're not doing sidelines, you're not doing anything. And it is just so strictly focused. So it's like if there was anything going on in middle school too, it's like, but you're still not getting the connection to school, so you know what I mean? It's like. You still have this great thing like, 'cause you kept saying escape, but I'm like, let me ask you this. How does that affect you? Like, because, because you never did school cheer, correct? It was just competitive. Yeah. So if you could combine 'em, would you like, would you do cheer also with your education or do you like keeping it separate?

Aniah: 5:30

I like keeping it separate and because like on my team, there's girls of all different ages. Not like super far apart, but like. I dunno if like I could just be on a team with high school girls 'cause they're mean they're different. Mean girls mean, yeah, we're like in Allstar, like our coaches are like the best people ever, but like, we're like raised by them to be good people.

TJ: 5:55

So it's like more like a family?

Aniah: 5:56

Yeah, it's like a family. I feel like high school isn't really family. Like they're all different, but like, I don't know. Our coaches definitely I think have shaped the way we are in a good way. Like I've learned more from sheer. For like, everything that I have in, in high school, I think.

Nella: 6:11

Hmm. That's a huge statement. I love it. Mm-hmm. Because, you know, yes, education is important, but you've learned other valuable things from cheer between teammates. Mm-hmm. You know, what it feels like to lose mm-hmm. What it feels like to win, what it feels like to, you know, um, get out that frustration to have to suck it up sometimes. Mm-hmm. And all that. And I think that's so important and that's why important. Yeah. I think too,

TJ: 6:36

it teaches a lot of discipline, right? Mm-hmm. It teaches you to be accountable, right? Be accountable to the team. And you know, let's just say if you did have a hard day or a hard, you know, competition, you guys still stood together as a team because you're a family. So it, I think it teaches a lot of those values also, um, while you're having fun and competing

Aniah: 6:57

Yeah. All the time. Mm-hmm. Even conditioning, like. Last night we conditioned so hard. Like all of us have sweat doing down our face and our coach's, like your team, like you all have to do it together. One person stops holding their plank, we go again. You know, like stuff like that. Like we always are reminded that we're a team. It's not just a one person sport, no one's on the bench. They're all together.

Dr. Robin: 7:17

So let me ask you this. What's your definition of team? And this is what I'm asking because I know where she's coming from, but you know, there's a lot of coaches out there. That are not coaches. There's a lot of teams out there that are not teams and so you know anybody to say like, oh, they're a mean person, or they're this and that. Y'all know I go attitude flex leadership right here. And so there's a lot of fall there, but I wanna know, because when you know you're on a team, it is a team. So I wanna just get like, what is your definition of team

Aniah: 7:48

people who love and support each other through everything? People who can talk to each other when they're mad and upset, and. Like, you can work their things together no matter what. And just like, I don't know, like no one's like mean to each other. Everyone always like wants to pick each other up. No one's against each other.

Dr. Robin: 8:09

So that's what I wanna hear. Yeah, because there's a lot of times where there's so much competition within and it's, and it doesn't work. And so, you know, as I said, collaboration.'cause one of the things we've always said is that, you know, one of the things is like some, some of y'all are not gonna like each other off the mat, but when you're on the mat. You will respect each other. You work for each other. You know what I mean? And so there is that, that underlying like this is where you are. You're not gonna be best friends forever, but right here, if you're gonna be on this team, this is what this team represents.

Aniah: 8:40

And like you can hold each other accountable. Like if I see someone like slacking, like I can wheel love each other that much slack and be like, come on, like let's go. What are you doing? We're a team. Let's go. Let's all be the best we can be.

TJ: 8:53

Absolutely. What would you say one of your greatest highlights, um, is as far as cheer? What was one of your greatest moments? If you can, I have a, a lot. Ooh, tell us a one. A good one. Yeah. Or you can tell us many.

Aniah: 9:06

Definitely. The first time winning summit, which is nationals, was like the best feeling ever because I've never went, I've never like won before because that was like when I kind of just started. And then when we Triple Crown, when we won NCA Cheer Sport and UCA and Won summit. And yeah, winning every time is like the best feeling ever. And what does it feel like to lose because you've lost two? What does it feel like to lose? So we lost Summit one time, actually it's twice. One was like COVID. We got second, which was like fine. I was really happy even just getting second because that was like COVID, but we actually lost in 2024. That was like

Nella: 9:48

the worst feeling I ever recall. And just to add on to that, you guys were undefeated the entire season? Yeah. Wow. So her team was undefeated and it was pretty much like. The final like picture, if you wanna think about it. Summit being like football, the super know of cheerleading, it's the Super Bowl of cheerleading, and they all fumbled to the ground on their final and they were undefeated the entire, so it was almost like, but I, it humbled them.

TJ: 10:13

I was gonna ask, as a team, how did you guys bounce back from that?

Aniah: 10:17

Oh, we bounced back like the next season. Like we didn't play any games. We all held each other, held each other accountable, like. That's why we triple crown. Like we knew that we never wanted to feel that feeling again. I never wanted to feel that, like none of us did. I even wrote an essay about it for one of my college classes. Wow. Mm-hmm. Because it impacted me a lot and I knew that I would never, I. Like, let anything happen to me or my team to let that something like that happen again.

TJ: 10:42

So it sounds like to me that this is really like a part of you, like, like cheer is a part of you. Like it's who you are. Mm-hmm. You know, 'cause sometimes people take on sports or, you know, different activities just to do it, or, and, and not that anything's wrong with it, but this seems like it's a part of who you are.

Nella: 10:59

Yeah. And I love seeing her and being her mom and watching her do all this has been very different for me because, you know, I was like a sports girly. Like I played volleyball, soccer, softball. I did all the like, boy sports, the ator. And she's annihilator, by the way. Oh yeah. So isn't that funny? That's her nickname. But, um, that was me. I didn't know what cheer was. I was never into cheer. And so seeing her be passionate about something that I can't even relate to, um, is amazing. I've learned so much and I'm still not a pro, but I. I definitely don't feel like a cheer mom.'cause I'm not all into it and I still don't know a lot of things. But seeing my daughter in general, like I said it does for her mental health. Mm-hmm. How it got her through so much and how passionate and disciplined and it's just teaching her so much right. Outside of. The, the max.

TJ: 11:46

Right. And it's good though too that you supported her through it all. I mean, I, I, I made that highlight for a reason because sometimes, you know, um, the kids aren't supported enough to, you know, I mean, it could be for many different reasons, but, but she had that support from you and she was able to just do what she did because you actually, you, you held her up. So that, that's, that's great also that you have supportive parents. Who holds you up? You know, parents, y'all. Yeah. Who holds you up, you know? Yeah. How does that feel? Because you know, sometimes, you know, you may have friends that may not have that. You know, how, how did that feel to have your mom's prayer? I mean, I know it probably, you know, sometimes was like, ah, but how did that feel for you? It

Aniah: 12:32

feels good. I think everyone has like, has to have a supportive parent. Like, I don't know anyone, any of my friends who don't have supportive parents. But yeah, it's good. I love her. She does everything.

Dr. Robin: 12:46

But see, and, and I wanna go just because I have a different outlook and I, you know, coached all star. Long time. I love the high school. You know, I came to education, but what I've seen is that. You know, like what you said, everybody has supportive parents and we know in public education that's not the case. And we know that coaches actually take on a role. And you said something earlier, which I loved because you said, these coaches have taught me so much and anytime, like if people talk about my story, I say athletics also saved my life. You know, because it was like all this other stuff that didn't make sense or you know, was out of control. This made sense to me for some reason, like it was fun and. I feel like I was in control of something, but it was my coaches. My coaches, like a woman in particular, my high school coach, who literally like, she was kind of the one that like, I didn't wanna disappoint, you know? And so that was it. And so I always knew like, I'm gonna pay it forward because it is something like, you either are like, when people go, oh yeah, you know, I go to the gym or I do this, or I'm not, I'm like, yeah, but an athlete, like, you're just different, you know, because. Like I said, you win together, you lose together, you throw up together, you train together, you're sick together. You're, I mean, shoes are flying everything, but it is like nobody can take that from you, you know, good, bad, or indifferent. But you know, that is, like I said, having those parents are so wonderful and so amazing, but I have seen so many of my colleagues, you know, and like football or anything else to where we know that sometimes, you know, a parent or parents or guardians, whatever are not there, walk kids across the field on senior night. Come in here and there for signing, you know, we've all done all of that stuff. And so, you know, you are very blessed 'cause you have a wonderful family, you know, and cheer. And then we know you have a wonderful family here, you know, which is double blessed. And I know, I'm pretty sure you're coaching now. Yes, I'm coaching, so. Okay. Gotta know. Different pressure. Yeah,

Aniah: 14:42

a little bit. I mean, I've been coaching for a while, but now like I have multiple teams and then. I'm gonna have my own team this year. Oh, yay.

TJ: 14:50

Congratulations. Yeah. Very good.

Aniah: 14:52

Because one of the coaches I coach with, she's moving. So I had to take over one of of the teams and that's like, I'm excited, but it's like, I never done that. This is her, she's

Nella: 15:01

getting paid now. So there it is. Before she was a junior coach, like just helping, supporting volunteering. Because volunteering, yeah. Yeah. So now she's an actual coach and so it is, she has. Clock in, in and out. Mm-hmm. And things like that. So I'm very proud of her.'cause it's teaching her, like you said, a different stressor. Mm-hmm. Right? Mm-hmm. But I just have to say like an add-on before I forget about the coaches. So as you said before, like, you know, yes. You know, I'm there for her upfront and center, but lemme tell you, her and I get at it sometimes. Sometimes that's why went, oh yeah, her and I wanna too close for comfort, punch her a time or two. Mm-hmm. And she wants to do the same to me. I was gonna say, we, so we know, but you know, at the end of the day we get through it. And the same thing with the coaches. You know, like she's. Struggled with all of her coaches, and I know the coaches understand, you know, um, and I, you know, being a parent, having that balance is, I don't wanna like overstep them being coaches mm-hmm. Because I know they, but I also respect them. And sometimes I'm frustrated as a parent, but at the end of the day, just like I did with Teach Do with Teachers, it's like, I gotta let you have your space. Mm-hmm. I gotta let you do your thing and. I may not agree with the way they do things, but I know that they love her and I know what respect she has gained from them and what they've taught her and things that I can't even do. So they are another parent for her. Mm-hmm. They are there for her and she knows that, you know, the tears that she shed, she can go to some of these coaches and they will hold her and be there for her, like as if it were me. So I just have to say to all coaches out there like. You know, although parents can get frustrated and stuff, I know I can speak for myself and probably most parents that have kids in sports is that we do hold the utmost respect mm-hmm. For what they do. Um, I've never been a coach, so I can't relate, but I just know what they have done to my daughter. Mm-hmm. And seen her

Dr. Robin: 16:47

well, and a lot of times, coaches and, and I say this to a lot of, even my families that I work with, 'cause a lot of the parents will say like, coach, I hear your name more, my house, or you know, Dr. Robin, here I go, but. We have a different relationship, you know, and, and it was funny, I was listening to one of the things about families and I said, how we get conditioned like you guys, y'all know each other. You're not worried about loving each other or anything else you can kind of go to, but it's almost like. We have such a different responsibility to them, and we see them objectively, but we still love, like pour into them. But it's because we love it so much too, you know? And so I know in coaching and learning, I mean, I, I'm always learning and, but coaching I think was more nerve wracking for me than just being an athlete because there's, I don't know, I think it's like. That's why I can't wait.'cause you haven't taken won the competition yet. So I have to have this next year, but only because I can't wait to see the first time when you're just like, oh my gosh. Like is this really happening? Right.

TJ: 17:43

And that's because she knows, or as a coach, I'm sure you know. You know what you want to see. Mm-hmm. Right. And you can relate. Yet, you know, I think those are the coaches that are like, if you don't, like, if somebody's just on the outside looking in, they may say, oh, this coach is so mean, this coach, blah, blah, blah. But the coach just knows the potential that's in, you know, um, the team. And so that's why it may seem like the coach is mean, or the coach is always picking on you or, you know, different things like that. But she, as a coach, she'll see, she'll know, she'll know what she wants to see in her team. So

Dr. Robin: 18:17

I think she's also gonna see that. One. It's funny 'cause I know when we had our junior coaches that were coming in, they actually ended up becoming better athletes.'cause they were like, we get it now. You know? You get that both.'cause you know, sometimes you're like, why are you, and then they come up, we're sorry, we get it now. Mm-hmm. Because it is when you're, you are, you know, there's a lot of frustration. But that's that learning and that's that good, you know? Yeah. It's still fun. Oh yeah. Yeah. That's what I, I tell 'em everybody at the end of the day, I'm like, this is a game. Like we are having a good time like this. Would you rather be anywhere else? Well, this, I said if it was easy, everybody would do it. You know?

Nella: 18:52

Yeah. She's dedicated. Oh. And she's there five, six days a week, you know, know Oh. I's always in the gym, so, and it's good for your health, even on breaks. Yeah, even on breaks. I'm definitely gone.

TJ: 19:02

Yeah. So what would you, if you, if you would change anything, what would you change? Looking back now, if you could have changed anything, what would've that, what would that have been?

Aniah: 19:09

My like whole chew of color? Yeah. Just in general. The first thing that comes to my mind is taking care of my body better. Cool with like injuries? Um, because I don't listen to my body, but, 'cause I don't like to take time off like the doctor's, like, you need to stay out. I'm like, no. But I can't really think of anything else. Maybe like when I was younger, like watching my attitude with my coaches. Okay. That's a good one because I know I had Idy C

Dr. Robin: 19:35

No, 'cause that's, I wanna, I'm glad you said that. Why do you think you had attitude? Because I heard this earlier and I wanted to come back to it because I was a bratty

Aniah: 19:43

of teenager. Back then, or I was frustrated, but this was,

Dr. Robin: 19:48

are you more confident now than you were then? Yeah, I know a a lot more, more about respect you it insecurities. Yeah. And that's what I'm saying. Usually it's like, 'cause I know when you talked about the mental health and coming in, and that's where I think sometimes people like, they're like, oh, this kid isn't coachable or this one. And I'm like, what's going on? I've al and I think that's what I'm saying, what's going on? You know? And a lot of times it's like. They know when you get to know your athlete, you know, as we do, you know what's going

TJ: 20:12

on. Right. And they may be struggling inwardly. Right. And so

Dr. Robin: 20:15

you kind of give a little, so you come over here. Absolutely. But there's still that, hey, listen. Mm-hmm. You know, because it's almost is to like, let you know like, we've got you, but you gotta believe it.

Aniah: 20:24

I've never been, I don't think, not coachable. Like I've barely, rarely had attitude. I think like. To my coaches. You, to you mom? Yes, but my coaches like rarely. I've been like, rarely

Nella: 20:40

I. We'll ask them. We'll have to bring one of them in one time. They love me. No, they do. No, she's great. What, what is one thing that you would say if you could give advice to, let's say parents like, and, and please throw me under the bus. Okay. If you can give one thing that, let's say parents do wrong when it comes to, um, either having their kids in sports or saying no to their kids to do sports or like, what do you think, like what do you say

Aniah: 21:10

to that? I don't think you should ever say no. Like if I have a kid and they wanna do something, I wanna say yes unless I can't afford it. But like, hopefully I'm making good money when I'm older. I would never say that a kid can't do something like guess sport-wise, plus sports are good for you. Mm-hmm. And mental health. But

Dr. Robin: 21:27

how about like at games and at competitions

Aniah: 21:31

being frustrated at your tin when like. They're like trying to be in their zone and trying to lock in and like not be stressed.'cause like competitions can be stressful 'cause you're nervous and like your parent being frustrated with you. Like, it just doesn't make anything better. Like just be calm. And if I'm like, I'm not really ever mean to her, like ever, I don't think.

Nella: 21:54

Okay. So

Aniah: 21:54

you

Nella: 21:55

don't think you, you've given me attitude. Of course. I see it differently. No,

Aniah: 21:58

I've given you attitude, but like, not like stupid. Mean like I see some. Kids that are like, shut up mom. Like, I've never done that. Like anything. No. And that

Nella: 22:06

is, but that has to do with just respect. That's a parent that's, yeah. That's, that would never, and I have to say she is, I don't think you've ever told me to shut up. No, I never have in my life. So, but like, no, and, and she valid like. I, as a parent know, I had to check myself a few times because she was already stressed. And then if I make it worse and then I flip out and I'm making her feel bad. And trust me, when I, in hindsight, like give myself time to pull down, I'm like, okay, that was a really shitty parent right there, like I did. And

TJ: 22:34

there it is. There's my, there's my cursor. Because they don't perform their best when they, you know, oh yeah. Under that type of pressure. That's

Dr. Robin: 22:40

what, and that's what I say, it depends on the kid.'cause I know we've always talked about, you know, what strong personality, but me being a coach and then also being a parent. And my son of course, good athlete, but he's a little more like an eye, like not as like fiery as we are. And he literally said to me one day, he's like, mom, like you gotta stop. Like you gotta stop because like he would get up to bat or he, you know, baseball and everything else and he just, he's like, all he heard was my voice and it just freaked him out. And I mean, he told me that I was so glad he did. And it's funny because as a coach and everyth, you know, thing else, I now use that. And when I'm doing sports psych with some of my clients. It's like I have to, I am, I'm coach, I'm athlete and everything else. And so that's where we really go. But I love that, you know, having those, you know, moments of saying, mom, like, I love you, dad. I love, please. You know, because as coaches we see it, you know, we see it too. And we always kind of know the parents and then this and that, and we try to, you know, diffuse it as much as possible. And we know that there are some parents that. Again, you know, they don't mean to but do more harm than good, you know? And, and that can really mess with an athlete.

Nella: 23:50

Yeah. And I'm guilty and like I said, I own it. We're, yeah, I definitely own it and you know, we always talk it out after and stuff. Um, but yeah, but we also

Dr. Robin: 23:58

learn and then we go 'cause and that's what I'm saying, a lot of times they don't realize 'cause everybody's so excited. But, you know, it is, it, it is hard,

Nella: 24:04

you know, and it's a lot on the parents in this type of. Thing, and I'm sure there's, I know there's other sports, you know, that the parents have to give a lot of their time and attention to. Like, it is very sacrificing. She knows financially, emotionally, you know, time, all of that stuff. It's, it's a lot for a parent too. So, and I know she, and I've always known with her, she's appreciated it. Like I know she doesn't have to tell me everyday thank you, but like, I know she does because we just we're connected in that way, and I know she appreciates it. And knows that I sacrificed a lot, so.

Dr. Robin: 24:35

Right. And, and I mean, and you know, that's usually it. Now I, I do wanna kind of like stray away, but I have to ask y'all, y'all were at the competition and I believe your granddaughter maybe too, the one that was in Texas this year. Oh gosh. So all I know is that y'all were at competition. I'm up the next morning, I'm doing something and I start getting these feeds through whatever, and I'm like putting two and two together, going. Wait, what she what? And I'm like, oh my God. So I immediately, I'm Nella, are you good or what's happening? Everything. Oh my God, is this, are you okay? And there was like, I don't know, shootings not shooting something. It was,

Nella: 25:12

it was scary. Scary. It was a, uh, threat. A um, or no, there was a fight that broke out and something about, I think there was a fight. And there also was like a gun. A gun. We don't, we weren't there. So we were about to leave. Yeah. The whole team was about to leave.

Aniah: 25:27

Mm-hmm.

Nella: 25:27

But our coaches

Aniah: 25:28

were there.

Nella: 25:29

The coaches were there. So scary. They were Texas and

Aniah: 25:31

we were like, don't come. Don't come.

Nella: 25:32

Yeah.'cause we were all literally about to leave. But I know I saw several parents, um. Coming back to our hotel and they were all like, I mean, kids crying, everybody, it was really scary, you know, to have,

Dr. Robin: 25:45

yeah. To see even like the feed and you know, the kids just running and not knowing anything. Mm-hmm. And there's barricades and I mean, and I mean it, yeah, it was, it was terrifying. Even on this side of it, thinking about, because I mean, cheer competitions, if anybody, there's. Thousands of people there, you know, and I mean everybody, and it, it's all packed in and there's so many logistical things happening and going on and you're going on. What, what I was gonna say is that a lot of times athletes like almost are able to face adversity so much better, you know, because like even after that. You guys had to compete for like the next two days, I think, and didn't like everything get pushed back and y'all were competing at like 1230 at night. And I know we had to do that a few times at ESPN and we're in the rain and we're wet and shoes are, and it was just like, our athletes are dying. You know? They're just like, oh my gosh. And you go. So with all of that, I'm saying like, do you think that helps in other areas like. Of your life outside of cheer?

Aniah: 26:44

I don't know. I feel like it didn't really impact me that much'cause I wasn't there. But like I feel bad for people who were there and I prayed for them, but

TJ: 26:52

hopefully they never have to face that kind of adversity. Yeah, that, yeah, that was,

Aniah: 26:56

I hope I don't, I have to experience them like that. Yeah. I hope

Nella: 27:00

that you know

Aniah: 27:00

everyone. I'm definitely more cautious though. That's like, I'm always cautious though, but I am now I'm like at calm, so like if I have like a little one near me, I'm like looking around.

Nella: 27:10

Yeah. She's definitely more hypervigilant since then, which she already was before, and anxious and stuff. Yeah. So, you know,

Aniah: 27:18

it does make me anxious sometimes. I noticed like after that competition, like I was definitely a little bit more like, what if I don't know.

Dr. Robin: 27:25

And that's what I'm saying. That's the sad thing is that, you know, it's almost like. Kids, you guys are just faced with so many things that we just weren't, you know, we never thought about anything like that.'cause it wasn't there. It just wasn't there. We were going in, doing our thing, we're competing. This was great, you know? And now it's just like, here we are, these little babies trying to do their thing, trying to do the right thing. But yet, you know, you've got just so many outside forces that are adding to your stress. That, and I can, you know, see. Possibly, like you said, if I'm a parent, like I would always let my child, but I can see parents go and I don't want them to do that. You know? I don't want them to do that. And, and here's the thing, you know, I'm 54. I've been cheer in gymnastics, you know, most of my life. And just the stigma of it, you know, oh, cheerleaders aren't real athletes. And I was like. Okay. Like I love it. You throw a girl up, let her twist twice and catch her in one hand above your head. But I mean, that's cute. Like that's with no helmet. I like that though. I like that. But I mean, so have you experienced, you know, now, I mean you're obviously young and cheer is different, but do you still get like stigma as someone's

Aniah: 28:39

like. She's not a real sport though. I'm like, okay, I'd like to see you try what I do. That's all I say.

Nella: 28:44

Yeah. Or you say, um, let me go ahead and arm wrestle you. Y'all done the guns. I know.

Aniah: 28:50

Yeah, that too. Or I'm like, I saw this on like something, but it's like I can do the ESPNs robot of sports. Like yeah, hobbies and where is

Dr. Robin: 29:02

it also getting ready to go? Well, they already have international, they have USA teams. One of my former athletes is coaches and yeah. It's gonna be in the Olympics.

Nella: 29:09

Oh yeah. It's

Aniah: 29:09

gonna be in the

Nella: 29:10

Olympics too. Yeah. So anybody can say it's not a sport, it's like, hmm. I'm pretty sure that she is arm wrestled, grown ass men and kicked their ass. So I'm just saying, and I love it because she is, she has got some guns on her. Mm-hmm. So, well, on a different note, I wanted to ask you and talk about what it's like being you, um, or a teenager in general, like since you just graduated high school. Um. Like being a kid in, in this generation. Like what is your take on it now that you're a little bit more mature being that you're out of high school? What was it like being like a student athlete but also like having to go through this generation around kids around high school and like the way it is?

TJ: 29:54

Like what are the pressures of, of your generation that you feel that you as a teenager or teenagers that you know go through? What are the pressures. And where's the pressure coming from? I dunno,

Aniah: 30:06

I don't feel any question.

Nella: 30:08

No. Besides to, well what about mental health in your school?'cause I know you've known, um, several people that have talked about self-harm, let's say, and or unfortunately have passed away because they've taken their own lives. So tell me what that's been like and what do you think is the problem? Like what do you see?

Aniah: 30:28

I don't what it means appearance, but I feel like it's a big like household and parent thing. I don't know. I guess it can be hard since they're struggling, but I feel like when I have kids, I'm gonna be really close with them so that where I know that if they're struggling with them, that they're gonna tell me and that I can like get it fixed readily or something like that happens. But I think social media can be a part of it and how people are raised, like people doing it because people, they're around.

Dr. Robin: 30:57

Are you talking about parents or kids?

Aniah: 30:59

Like kids that are around girlfriend or boyfriends. Uh, like, family life will do it.

Nella: 31:06

Yeah. And I like that you, you, you said it, you said like parents have a lot to do with it. So I mean, what do you think? A little bit about therapy? Maybe not what has done for you, but like, do you think it's important? Yeah, yeah. Very important.

Dr. Robin: 31:18

Now, let me ask you this, because again. You're the child of a therapist. I mean, so you know, pretty badass one, and, and I know like with the boys, I was educator and therapist, but they were always bringing, Hey, my mom will handle, Hey mom, I've got so and so. Hey mom, can you help so and so, or they were always. Bringing, or there was, you know, boys that didn't have things like, have you done that? Have you been like, Hey, my mom will talk to you or go talk to my mom, or Hey mom, I've got this kid. Or, well, both of, I guess. Both of y'all. I mean, I'm thinking, I'm like my oldest. Yeah. And

TJ: 31:50

I hope you're watching. She's like that. She goes, mom, I told such and such that you're good with this and you, I'm like, yeah, but you just can't tell everybody pimping us out. Yeah.

Aniah: 31:59

I normally don't say to talk to my mom. I normally like ask my mom what to say. Yeah. She's, mm-hmm. She's, because I don't wanna overstep anyone. It's like. I just, can

TJ: 32:08

you talk to my kids?

Dr. Robin: 32:10

Uhhuh?

Aniah: 32:11

Yeah.

Dr. Robin: 32:11

They show up at my house. They're just there and I'm like, Hey. No, I'm just kidding.

Nella: 32:15

Yeah, she's definitely told me some friends who have been struggling and then she'll tell me, she goes, mom, is this the right thing to say to this person? Like, you know, um, they're like having really, you know, bad thoughts and stuff like that. And, you know, I'll ask her a little bit more questions because I just always, like, I know we talked about it on another podcast, but like, it, it. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's my field or I don't know, but every time I hear of a child taking their life, like I just, it just does something to me and I don't even have to know them. Mm-hmm. Right.'cause I know that they were struggling long before that happened. Mm-hmm. And, um, I've known families and parents, like she said, parents are such a big part of it. It's like. Don't ignore it. Right. Stop thinking my kid is fine. Stop thinking. Okay, well yeah, they have some scratches on them or Yeah, they're burning themselves or yeah, they're doing this and that. It's like, take that seriously. It's say cry for help in some way. Right? You know, maybe they're not gonna do anything past that,

TJ: 33:10

but why risk it? Right. And it's not just a phase. You know, 'cause parents will sometimes say that like, oh, it's just a phase. No, it's not a phase. It's not a phase that's going to just somehow miraculously disappear. You have to speak to it. But see, here's my thing.

Dr. Robin: 33:26

Don't you think that, well, one, kids are not gonna act out unless they're hurting. Like plain and simple. Developmentally, when you look at it, and obviously we know teenagers, but. Aren't those the same parents that if they take accountability, then they're gonna have to face that they're part of the problem?

Nella: 33:45

I think you would know that answer too, right? What

Dr. Robin: 33:47

do you think about that?

Nella: 33:48

Like parents not facing that they are a part of the problem. I. Like you've known people that have and like that have parents and that they're a part of the problem of why their kid is the way they are.'cause I know, you know, a lot of people, so, um, and them taking accountability for why their child is acting a certain way or maybe why they don't have a good relationship with their child. But then placing all the blame on the child.

Aniah: 34:11

Well, I don't think all of it is like, I know like people whose parent like isn't the problem, but like can help. And then I know people whose parents are like. Had parents who were like, were a drug addict, who were like, whatever. Like, I think that's a problem. Mm-hmm. Like they should take accountability for that and stop so they can be better for their kid before it's too late.

Nella: 34:29

Mm-hmm. But like, yeah, unfortunately Anaya has had a friend take their life, so it was, you know, big on, on her I know in her life at that time. And, um, so. Yeah, it's unfortunate that it's happening and I just want, I want awareness out there and I know Anaya has wanted it like out there as far as like people need to listen to their kids and these kids like she's me. Mentioned a good point about social media, like what is it, I know you said social media, like what is it about social media? It feels impacts

Aniah: 35:03

with girls I think is comparing themselves to people. Body image. Body image. Like I know friends who are just sad, like. They don't like the wish. I mean, even like everyone can compare themselves. Like if, like a lot of girls do that, but if it gets to a certain point, then it's like you need help. Well, not like in a mean way of my life. Yeah. And then like for boys, I don't really know social media because I don't think boys like are that comparative, like how girls are.

TJ: 35:34

But I like them. It may be that boys have a harder time expressing how they feel. Yeah, they do. Because they feel that they do express it, that, you know, they're soft or they're looked at as, you know Yeah. Wimps or whatever. So it may be they hold their emotions in. Mm-hmm. And, um, oftentimes that's what causes, you know, more issues with them.

Dr. Robin: 35:53

So, I have a question. Um, a few weeks ago on one of our podcasts, and we were talking about, and I brought up that, um, in class, remember I said it's like. Everybody was saying how, oh, everybody's open, or everybody's this or that, but they're the meanest people. And you said something earlier about when we said high school, you're like, no, they're mean. I don't want like you immediately. Just, so my question is, do you believe that social media has also created, um, almost like a platform? To be like, mean to each other or do you think it's helping or,

Nella: 36:28

um, no, I feel like it's just how they're raised. She has a big, uh, opinion about how people were raised. Yeah. Go back to that parent

TJ: 36:34

household thing.

Nella: 36:35

I mean, but that's good because that you say that like, I mean, as an 18-year-old saying that parents have such a big impact, like at home of how, how it is

Aniah: 36:46

like I've seen people be, be mean to each other on social media, doesn't mean I'm gonna do it. Like, I think it's also maturity.

Dr. Robin: 36:52

Yeah. Well, and I mean, of course I completely agree and that's why I'm saying I love hearing that from you because this is where people, like, there's so many people that wanna point and say, oh, this generation, or, oh, that, or, oh, that y'all we're sitting here with this generation right here saying, I. It still starts in the household. It still starts in your family system, which we know, and I'm so tired of people going, oh, it's just this, or, oh, it's just that, or, oh, because of this, and oh, because of that. Because remember, love speaks the truth and difference makes excuses and thank you, thank you, Anaya, or putting it out there. And I love when she goes, I don't wanna be mean. It's not being mean. It is. Check yourself, as you say, check yourself. Self reflection. Look within before you start pointing. Over here, you know? And that's the thing is that children have got to be nurtured. They are not little adults, you know, but it takes a parent. To get over themselves. Parent's, your kid.

Nella: 37:53

Yeah. I mean, and Iope, and I've always said too, and I said this in earlier podcast, is like, parents, we gotta apologize to our kids sometimes because we, when we do make mistakes a lot of times, yeah, we need to, and I don't, and I hate the old generation in the sense of I'm the parent and you just have to listen. Yeah. What I say goes, is what I say goes, and I don't care if you think I'm wrong because you just gotta do it like. How many times have I apologized to you? Uh, yeah, because I mess up. I am a parent that messes up because I'm human and we need to do that, and I feel like that's been so important for my kids is to own it. That I know I've made mistakes with them. I know I've made some bad turns, but when they have pointed out to me being, as they get older, you know, her older brother has said, mom, you did X, Y, and Z, and it made me feel X, Y, and Z. Mm-hmm. You know, like, I'm like, damn, like, okay, like you're right. I shouldn't have said it that way, or that's not what I meant. I apologize that it came out that way. Um, you know, and her and I still, you know, she still lives at home and there's still times like I put a lot of pressure on her. And you know, I put a lot of pressure on her being 18 now, and it is just because I want her to thrive. I just turned, but she always says that to me, mom, I just, I'm a young graduate like a week ago, right? Yeah, yeah. She literally just turned 18 and she's like, I'm young, I graduated young. Don't expect that of me. And I do. I have to be like, okay, she's not, she's not her brother. Her brother was like, bye, but you know what

Dr. Robin: 39:19

else she's not. She's not you and she's not me. And I have to think, remember that too. I, that's, I, that's what I had to, there's a lot of her in, in, and, but that's what I had to do with Reagan too. It was like, oh yeah, he's not me. Yeah. Right. That's what I was gonna ask you, that we do have to, you know. We're going from producing diamonds to bursting pipes.'cause that's that pressure. Like when do you know? Like, oh gosh.'cause

Nella: 39:39

she, and what I love is she'll tell me. Mm-hmm. She will tell me if I'm putting too much pressure on her. And then I also, when I know it's good for her, like literally just before the podcast, she was like, I still need to sign up for classes, but I have to do this, this, and this. And I'm like, you gotta make the phone call. I'm not gonna make the phone call for her. And it's not because I don't wanna help her, it's because I need her to start. Doing those steps. Mm-hmm. Like she's already making her doctor's appointments, she's taking her, I said, here's the app for your prescription. You know, now we have to change her bank account'cause she's an adult. Like there's all these things. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And it's a, and but I also have to remember it's a lot all at once for these kids too.

TJ: 40:14

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Nella: 40:15

It's a lot that she's had to deal with. They

TJ: 40:17

need a checklist. Yeah. So checklist out.

Nella: 40:19

So I'm trying to kind of balance of like, okay here. Mm-hmm. But I also wanna let her know I am here for her, so. Right. It's a balance. Absolutely. But there's certain things that I know are gonna be good for her to learn how to do by herself. Yeah. Because it's gonna give her strength and confidence that, Hey, I got this. Mm-hmm. Like, and I try to tell her that like, you got this, you're smart. Like, come on, you got it. Yep. But I do put pressure on her and I know she can admit that.

Dr. Robin: 40:42

So hearing that, I mean, 'cause is your mom, is it all safe space hearing that? Like how does that make you feel?

Aniah: 40:49

Feels good. And I get

Dr. Robin: 40:50

confident.

Aniah: 40:51

Yeah. Yeah. But I still. But see here, here's the thing. Help is 50% help is

Dr. Robin: 40:57

50%. You gotta do your part again, what we say, here's your toilet paper, wipe your own behind. But that, now let me ask you this, do you think that, 'cause this is what I have seen because even with my students at the college or um, some of my clients here that transition from high school to college, I have a lot of my babies struggling because it's like their parents just go, Nope. Go ahead. Yeah,

TJ: 41:22

some of them do. You're 18 now. You graduated, you're on your own and

Dr. Robin: 41:24

it has

TJ: 41:25

been. Yeah,

Dr. Robin: 41:26

and I'm, and that's why I think I've told y'all, even at the college level, I have really taken things back to basics and a lot of things because every, there's just a lot of missing pieces. Yeah. I think that. Then a lot of times if they don't have supportive parents or if they don't have anybody, or if they do ask and get told, I told you that last week. Like you're,

TJ: 41:45

or figure it out on your own. I've seen that before. Figure it out on your own. Yeah, I did when I was your age. When I was your age. When I was your age. Mm-hmm. When I was your age. You feeling hate that? I hate that. When I was your, and it's like times have changed since you were my, and as a parent, I had to remember, I can't parent my kids from a, when I was your age standpoint, it does not work. They shut down so.

Nella: 42:07

Well, Anaya, I really appreciate you coming out here and being transparent and let you know, hopefully reaching out to some people that you know here she is an 18-year-old, dealt with her own mental health and also into sports and how that's so impactful for. For kids. So put your kids in sports or, or, or groups or, or, or classes. Something that they could be passionate about. Yes. Because it will help with their mental health. And listen to your kids go to take them into therapy if they're, if they're doing things that are not out of their norm. Yes. You know, kids have a lot of pressures that you, we may not understand, so get them help. Yes. Just let them talk to somebody. Yes. Well,

Dr. Robin: 42:43

and even, and I was just gonna say, because there is a lot of stigma with athletics and. I'm also a sports psychologist. So I mean, there's a lot of things that like, people can go, oh yeah, use me. I'm, I'm licensed and I'm gonna see a sports psychologist.'cause that's like the cool thing, but we can still work on it. You know what I mean? So it's like twist, it takes a village, whatever you want, it takes. A village takes and you have to

TJ: 43:03

identify the village. Identify your village, gotta

Dr. Robin: 43:06

choose you and how it works for you. Put a name on it, put it on. You can say, I'm gonna go see Santa Claus and he's gonna help me. Santa Claus is cool. We like seeing Santa Claus, you know, and I'm just. I just that stigma, it's always that. I know. And that's your thing, like or stigma. Yeah, but also I wanna say thank you because I know it is hard, you know? Yes. Thank you, Anaya, to speak up. It's, and you know. Thank you.'cause there's, it always takes welcome

TJ: 43:33

one start, right, and you're speaking for a whole group of people behind you. So you,

Nella: 43:38

so

TJ: 43:38

you did well. Yes. Thank you very

Nella: 43:40

much. And thank you for our listeners.

TJ: 43:41

Yeah.

Aniah: 43:42

Comment down below if you want part two.