We Are Human Before We’re Therapists | Therapists Unhinged Ep. 16

We Are Human Before We’re Therapists

In this episode of Therapists Unhinged, Nella, Dr. Robin, and TJ unpack what it means to be therapists who also happen to be human. From setting personal boundaries to dodging therapy questions at family barbecues, the hosts candidly share the very real, very human side of their professional lives. This unfiltered conversation dives deep into what happens when personal and professional lines blur, and why it’s essential for mental health professionals to disconnect, decompress, and just be.

KEY TAKEAWAYS
• Therapists are not on call outside the session room
• Boundaries are crucial for mental health professionals
• Family and friends often blur the line between personal and professional roles
• Being a therapist doesn’t mean being immune to life struggles
• Therapeutic relationships are not the same as therapy
• Travel and leisure can be therapeutic but aren’t substitutes for therapy
• TikTok is not a qualified therapist
• Therapy looks different now than it did 20 years ago
• Self-acceptance is the gateway to self-advocacy
• “Who we are” is not the same as “what we do”

BEST MOMENTS
00:00:01. “We're not always your therapists. We are human first.”
00:02:38. “It is a unhinged Friday today because once again, our beautiful boss lady... she's been, you know, siesta in.”
00:03:52. “Imagine me, your therapist.”
00:05:09. “Yeah, I'm a therapist, but I'm not yours.”
00:05:57. “No, I'm not on duty. You're not paying me by the hour.”
00:10:06. “We need to disconnect from our jobs... like we need to do that to be able to focus on our families.”
00:17:07. “Sometimes stuff hurts your feelings. Oh therapist we're not... we're supposed to tell you what is right.”
00:21:21. “What you think is your biggest weakness is actually your biggest strength, but you’ve got to understand it.”
00:25:00. “That's what I do. That's not who I am.”
00:36:00. “I just love to just like, look at trash TV... reality shows. Okay. That helps me. So therapeutic.”

Transcript

0:00

We're not always your therapists. We are human first. Oh, you should know this. You're a therapist. And I'm like, yeah, I'm a therapist, but I'm not in the session room. I am not a therapist. Right now. I've actually avoided people. I've avoided them because I don't want to talk. And I know that they're going to bring up something about therapy. I'm going to go the other way because I have boundaries and we. Need to disconnect from our jobs. And I know a lot of people that feel that way, like we have families, we have our own mental like we need to be able to disconnect. Welcome, welcome, welcome to episode 16. And we are going to draw. And we have taken, a week break. So you guys wondering why we took a little week? I'm sorry, but I was in Italy. Yes, we see it. So the reason. I took a little break, I was in Italy visiting some family. Well deserved. And. Well deserved. It was an amazing experience. Glad to be back, but, life changing. If you've never gone to another country. Does not even have to be Europe like it is life changing. It really is. And it makes you appreciate what you have and also makes you appreciate other cultures. So I mean, it's just like I said, I could go, I could do a whole episode on what I learned and just how I feel. One day I will. Well, and do you. Know what I was going to say? It's funny, I reached out to I saw a friend of mine and he travels all over creation, I mean, always on a motorcycle. And I saw him. And you talk about unhinge and, I already told him I wanted to book on October because we're going to talk about travel and. Great. So there you go. Yes, we could do travel, mental health, one on a topic. But yes, as a reminder to our listeners, you know, you know, if you ever want to email us, you can email us at admin at Mental Health and Chelsea at Mental Health. Robin. Or to join in on a Jay. And use it on like a little bit down there. So let's, you know, see a. Jay you and a. That's it. Jay of mental health. Who. No. Sorry. It's okay. So go to calling you t.j. It's okay now. Don't. Forgive me. Nope I mean Robin just makes it worse. She's the bully. Better than Donald too. So you bring that up okay Robin. And let's get down. This is Robin in yo yo yo. It is a unhinged Friday today because once again, our beautiful boss lady. Yeah, she's been, you know, siesta in meanwhile to Juna and Brenda here. You see, we've been in the gym this is happening right here. Yes. They held down the floor for a long time. We were holding down, which she taught us. Well, yes, they did a great job. Yes she did. So, So today's topic is a good one. Is a good one because we were talking about, basically therapists and, you know, but we're not always your therapists. Yeah. So we are human first, right? And this can also, you know, spin into other people that can connect with if they're not even a therapist, like, whatever business you're in, I'm sure you can recognize what happens when you tell people, hey, I'm an attorney or I'm a doctor. Well, guess what? When we people find out that we're therapists, sometimes we get some, you know, crazy questions or, you know, and I don't know what the craziest thing you've ever like. Robin, what is the craziest thing you ever had said to you after, you know, you were asked, oh, are you were you told them you were a therapist? Well, first of all, the funniest thing is, is that when people ask me, you know, they're like, oh, so what do you do? Whatever. And I said, okay, well, you know, a couple things. I said, I'm a therapist. They always go physical. Him. And I go, no matter of fact, mental. And then they just go. Oh, I go, yeah. Imagine me, your therapist. Yeah. They're probably like, you're being you're in a mental. Yeah, yeah. And I go, yeah. Listen, you know, I just said I just. Got to be crazier than my clients and literally. And it's funny because, you know me, I go a little sideways and they just. Look at me, I go. Oh, no, I'm being serious like I really am. And they just go, okay. And, I go, but you can keep talking. Like, go ahead. And so they just, I don't think they know what to do with me. And so, you know, I do play with it a little bit, but I am trying to think when you said like, where is or what I don't know. What about y'all? Like, yeah. I don't think it's so much as what's the craziest or the funny is or, you know, question that anybody's ever asked me. It's just people just automatically for me when they find out I'm a therapist. Sometimes, you know, my conversation tells on me because they can. Tell you, you know. What I'm saying? Like, just because we do this all the time, this is a part of us. So when you start to talk to people, they're like, wow, you give really great advice or wow, what. Are you who are you? And but I think the weirdest thing for me is when once people do know, as I'll say it this way, family like when family. Family of course family knows. Most of your family knows. And when they see you go a little sideways, they're like, oh, you should know this. You're a therapist. And I'm like, yeah, I'm a therapist, but I'm not yours. You know, when they see you. I'm unhinged like you don't. You don't get a bad day. Yes, I do, I get a bad day. You know, in some days that my marriages falling apart. Yeah. There's some days that my kids are acting crazy. What do you mean, you know? Yeah. So that's mainly what I deal with. They're like, well, you're a therapist. You should know this. I agree with that. And I and you know, another thing that made me think of what happens a lot is like, if they meet me and I'm like having a great conversation and then they find out and then they kind of like, tone back. That's what I was just like. Oh, they're like, have you been psychoanalyzing me this whole time? I'm like, no, I'm like, I'm off duty. Like, first of all, I don't want to psychoanalyze anybody when I'm off duty. So, like, I'm just having a great conversation with you. I'm not. And then they think I'm judging you or it's like, no, I'm not on duty. You're not paying me by the hour. We're just having a good conversation. So I notice sometimes that's happened, you know, especially when I'm out networking. So I'm out networking at all these events that I have to do. And they'll find out, you know, like, they know I'm an owner of something, but then they find out it's a mental health. Oh, have you been analyzing me this whole time? Or they'll say, oh, you must think of, you know, a lot about me or something. I'm like, no, I've just been getting to know. Hey, listen, you ain't that cute. I love it, but I can imagine how awkward that is, you know? Because. And for me, too, like, when you go, oh, I'm a I'm a mental health therapist, they start telling me all of your lifestyle. Oh. Well, you know, I need a good therapist for my son, or I need a good therapist for my. Here's our number one. I. We have a website. I don't owe money on it. What's your insurance? Yes. Open on Monday. Yes. And then you. And then you start to see, like some people, not everybody, but like some people start to have an agenda with you too. And they're like, oh, okay, I'm going to contact you. And then like, you literally only hear from them as like life advice or I have this going on and it's like a severe case or something. I'm like, I know this. Like, I'm not your therapist, right? Right. So when I know that other people like in other fields, like I know like some attorneys that obviously I work with and they said the same thing like, oh gosh, like they're going to ask me for legal advice or whatever. And I make sure that I try to put up a boundary where I respect, yes, respect their boundaries. Like I'm not going to just call you just for a legal question, like, you know, we're colleagues or we're friends or whatever, you know. So but I will say that I have had, dear friends of mine that, you know, just grown up with, and they will reach out and just say, hey, you know, like, listen, you're the first person I thought of and then, you know, what you got going on or what, you know? So. And I will do that too, of course. I mean, because that is for people, with attorneys, with doctors. But I know even medical doctors, I mean, they're not allowed. They can't. And that's the thing. Like, they cannot give medical advice you cannot get. I mean, that's what people don't understand. I'm like I mean, yes. And I think again, because mental health is just kind of new in the area, like, you know, talking about it. But I just go, no, I mean, I can't, I, you know, and this is what we were. So I just kind of quickly navigate them, you know, because, you know, I move pretty fast. But it is funny when they do kind of and then me and. Yeah, as a matter of fact. Oh yeah. Girl. Like we could go there. You may want to call somebody. No. I'm just. Yeah. Because I've been diagnosing you, you know. No, but I mean, yeah, because I literally don't like I'm. No, I don't, I don't. That's the thing. And I think because all of us are pretty well seasoned in, in this field, we're seasoned. Yes. We're well season. Just oh my gosh be a season. I was called the old woman from who though I think it was with respect on it. Oh my God, who called it I know cause I was at a restaurant and I ordered a cheeseburger. Well, it came with it was a combo. It's like a cheeseburger. Hot wings and fries. And the fries were, like, a little extra crispy, and so were the wings. And so I sent them back because they were too, you know. The guy yells in the kitchen, he goes. Yeah, I need those wings. And those fries remade. I have an older woman out here that don't like them extra crispy. And I go, excuse me, old woman, older woman. Oh my God. She was like, I'm sorry. I'm like. That is. Okay. So the bullet you see that like triggered me when you do. I would have been blessed to be like, oh yeah. Oh, my. You know exactly my maiden name. That's my daughter. Go. Well, how old was he? She goes, mom, I think he's like 30. I'm like, he's not that far from I know. Oh my God. Okay. I'm sorry, I know. Wait. Next time, just eat the wings. For wings. Well, the second batch, they were really good. Okay, well, back to the center. So therapist that we are true. No, but yeah, you know what? Because more I think we're well seasoned, which is, you know, makes me think that, you know, like, we need to disconnect from our jobs. And I know a lot of people that feel that way, like we have families, we have our own mental like we need to be able to disconnect. So when we're off duty and we're out of this office, like we need to do that to be able to focus on, like our families or our personal things that we have going on. So no, we're not automatically analyze Psychoanalyzing you now, does it come into play, like to where if we get like bad vibes and somebody we meets or like we start to see, we start to see things happening, like after we meeting you and then we're like, we know that pattern of behavior. Yes, because we see it. So yes, those type of things happen, but they have to be like like kind of being our face. And then it's something in our back of our heads like this, something something's not right about this human being, but we're not automatically assuming and trying to analyze what happened in your life and why you are had three cocktails. Just. Just like we just don't care. Yeah. And then, you know, then the question is, are you seeing someone? Are you seeing a therapist? I mean, I've had to, you know, just what you just said. I've had I've listened to some people struggles or, you know, like you said, getting that vibe or whatever. And I'll ask, I'll go, well, you know, have you thought about seeing someone, you know, maybe they can give you a different perspective, or maybe, you know, they can help you, like regulate some of those emotions if that's what I get. Like it gets serious. But I try to set boundaries. Like I'm like, I'm not in the session room. I am not a therapist right now. Like I'm just trying to get my groceries or I'm just trying to, you know, because what happens when you run into clients? Well, how do you guys handle that when you at soda? Why? Well, and it's funny because that is always been one thing that I mean, you know, of course that's that they drill that in. I mean, we went in a school so long ago, it's like it was different. And social media world is different. Everything is different. And then when I lived in North Florida, one little itty bitty small town, you know, I work the crisis unit. So I was like, I mean, I had students in there. Hey, coach, I'm like, hi. You know, and then at school, hey, coach, remember? And I'm like, we're going to you know what? Yeah, let's get through class and then let's just I'll talk to you in a little bit and so but I think and it is funny because and I know everybody's different and I'm so wide open and I, you know, I teach and I always have everything. So I always run in, you know, especially sports, like if I'm at different things. And so I think because I'm just who I am, if people come up to me, whatever, I'm never. And if they want to say, you know, but I do tell them I'm like, listen, you know me, I'm good. I said, but if you want to say anything about it, that's on you, I will never. And we're not even technically allowed to see you in public. Like any week, if you want to approach us and say hi and smile. What kind? Smile. But we're not going to say, oh, hi, I'll see you in session next week. We're not going to do that, you know. And again, like TJ, I all the time I run into people and actually just happened to me yesterday evening at a networking event. And you know, I see clients of other businesses. Some people like meet me through these events and they're like CEOs of their own company, and I'll see them at events multiple times a year. And I just act like, oh, it's no, no problem. Now, if they say like, you know, it's, oh, I have to see you next week or I need to make another session, okay. Like that's I just right. So let them know there's. No judgment to. And that's another thing too is like one thing that I know it's happened with me. It's family. Is that they automatically think that I'm judging them for their life like, or things that they go through a divorce or whatever. And I notice that, like sometimes it's like, why didn't they tell me that? Like, that's my cousin or that's my, you know, whatever. And they're probably like, oh, it's probably because you're a therapist and they think, you know, I'm like, I'm a you will. Of course I get it. Like I've, I've had my own past too, you know. And it's like so sometimes that I think those are the instances that probably hurt me is when people avoid me because they automatically assume I'm going to judge them. Like, I'm like, what makes you think that? Well, it's because of what you do. Mike. Yeah. Or they think that. Yeah. Because I'm held for something. No. Are y'all. No. Come on. Y'all know, like, listen, I am just me. But yeah, I do think a lot of people. But you know what? I also and it is funny because I. Yeah I've been hurt a lot like that too, because it's like you kind of know like. Yeah. But at the same time though, we are I mean, we are who we are and we, you know, we are very authentic and we are honest and we do hold ourselves to a higher standard personally, professionally. And we handle a lot. You know, we're strong and and I do see that. Or I'll have, you know, people say, oh yeah, well you're going to be mad with me or you're going to be like disappointed. Who am I? What do you like? That's the way. Why? And then I'm like, wait, what did you do? You know, what did you do? And why don't. You call me? Because I'd have been. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm anonymous. Right? But I mean, yeah. So I think and that's just a lot of times, like people do, they just they look at us differently sometimes. Right? I think the people that know us. Oh, yeah. I mean, and I have some great, obviously some amazing friends that I've been friends with me for years, even before I was a therapist. And, and they sometimes will call me for like some advice and stuff and, like, have a little session with me and I'm like, oh, thank you, I needed that. But like, I probably do it more from I try to say it more from like a friendship view. Yeah, right. Using some of my knowledge of course, but naturally. But like they know that because of who I am, I'm not going to judge you. Right. And I'm not. And I'm just going to be me when I'm talking to you. And I honestly try to do that with my clients, too. Of course, I keep a boundary of a client, you know, a therapist relationship. But at the same time, I'm going to tell you how it is. And that's what makes me the therapist I am is because if you're doing something wrong, you tell me that you did something that, you know, maybe I wouldn't approve of or agree with, and something happened. I want to be like, did you think you made a good decision? Just like a would a friend, you know. Absolutely. And that makes me think of like, how many people think that, you know, the friendships are a therapy. That is another thing is like friends are not therapists and yes, can they be therapeutic for you? Absolutely, absolutely. My friends are therapeutic for me. Absolutely. In my time with them is therapeutic. But I just think like if if you feel if you're out there and you're like, okay, all I do is talk to my friends, I don't need a therapist, okay? That's working for you, and you don't have any psych major struggles, and you feel like you're going through life just fine with all the ups and downs that happens. And great. Good for you. You're on a good track, but if you're at a point where you're talking to the same friends and the same things keep happening in your life, like for instance, you know, you've gone through, let's say, four divorces and you're 40 years old and your friends, you're saying, bye now. I'm just making, you know, if this happens, right? And you've gone through, you have the same group of friends and you're going through this and you're like, man, I'm taking the same type of men or the same type of women for divorces now, and I'm 40 years old. Okay, maybe it's about time to see a therapist. Not because you have a you're mentally ill. Like that's that. I'm still trying to break that. You don't need a therapist just because you have a diagnosis. Absolutely not. It's just like patterns. You got to be have someone objective, not a friend, be able to see and dissect the situation from an objective view. Your friends are have feelings involved. They're going to be biased towards you. They're not going to be afraid. Sometimes stuff hurts your feelings. Oh therapist we're not we're not supposed to we're not supposed to. You know, we're supposed to tell you what is right. And then even on even with that sometimes you may have those friends that are too hard and it may damage you in the process. You know what I mean? Or just they just say, okay, this is what you need to do. And you, you know, nothing else. You just need somebody, like you said, to see it from a different perspective, help you to make or, you know, to assist you with making the right decision. You know, and it is okay to have, you know, friends. And you said something when you said about therapeutic therapy and, you know, having therapeutic relationships are different. Very. Different because we do need therapeutic relationships and, you know, I was just thinking, I do have friends who are not therapists, but, you know, most of the people that I do talk to on a regular basis are therapists. Yes, but it just happen to be that way, you know, and so we all understand, you know, not to therapist this you know, this therapist or, you know, just be like all the, you know of course, have boundaries. But don't judge another therapist based on what they're going through. So absolutely. Yeah. And I like that that what's therapeutic and what's not like there is like I know a lot of people say, well, this is therapeutic for me. This is that absolutely there's going to be things that are great and not just sitting in a, in a room with your therapist that is not therapy. But like for me, acts of travel and seeing different things, that for me is therapeutic. I need that for my soul. I need it for my soul. And that's why I do take like my little vacations, my little getaways. It's therapeutic. It is not therapy, though. I can't I can't replace my therapist, you know, and I've had one. And I tell all of us, we need to have a therapist. Like we don't have to see them every week or whatever. Right? But if you have one that knows you and that you trust, we all need that because we are human first, therapist second, absolutely. Well, and it's funny because one of the guys I listen to on my podcast, he is you know, he's clinical psych and he's, you know, whatever. And he says, listen, we all he I love the way he said it. He goes because we all have to have our space. He goes on sometimes we also have to unburden. You know I have it. There he goes. I've been seeing him 30 or 40 years. He goes, I'll come for a check in just for a check. And he goes, because then I go in some space, right? Because that is the thing, is that so many times we do take on so much. And I also get that question is like, how do you do it? Like, aren't you here? And I go, it's not mine, it's not mine, you know? And I said, yes, I love my people. You know, I love big, I'm very but I'm like, it's not mine. I said, so I get to be objective. I get to be that like, you know, problem solver. And also it's funny when when you were talking about, friends or, you know, listening to this and that, you know, and what I tell my people, I said, well, here's the thing. I said, I don't have a dog in the race. And I said, and so when you come in with me or with somebody else, I said, plus you're listening through it, you know, again, I always go, logic, limbic brain. Because limbic brain, you know, we're emotional, we're connected, we're conditioned. We know what Nell is going to say. Oh, Nell, she's always going to tell me. I don't want to talk to you. There's going to be, you know, you know. And so it's like we go, okay. Yeah, but this is all about you and I talking like this. Is IA1? This is your treat. This is for you. No judgment, no anything. You leave it here. You give it to me, I give it to my plastic plant girl. Man, he loves a good trauma dog. He identifies as a know. He loves a good trauma. Up. Oh. I was like, oh, look at you. Oh, he just throw sticks and just don't tell me that. Oh my. Gosh. Yeah man. He's great. He's been with every office. But and then they look at me because they just go, what? Because I do I try to just let them know and I just normalize with them. Absolutely. And that's what I like. I love it. Yeah. Normalize. And then but I pull in a lot because I'm set. You know, as an educator I've always done that. And I've always because one of my girls even said, she goes, I love that you bring in, you know, sometimes it's, you know, self, you know, things or other people. She goes, because I do feel like I'm crazy sometimes, like because I am so in my head and I don't know if I'm doing it right, wrong or indifferent. And she goes on, when you say something, she goes, okay, so I'm not that unhinged. Oh no, girl, you are, no you are. Because I mean, no, but I mean, it is, but that's what I'm saying. And even with that, I say, you know, some of the times it's what you think is like your biggest weakness or that you're avoiding is actually your biggest strength, but you've got to understand it. And that was my biggest things. And I wanted to share this today because I always talk about self-acceptance. And I heard something other day and it said we have to self accept so we can self-advocate. I was like, yeah, that's that last little part because I'm always talking about. But but when you know who you are and you're in that fourth divorce and you start to go, okay, clearly I'm the only constant here, what is happening? Because even like what you said, some friends are hard. Well, just do this. I don't know how or I don't even know what it is, you know? And that's why I think when people come into therapy, therapy looks very different now than it did. You know, 20, 30 years ago. We are a lot more like just, you know, trying to give that good information. And, you know, because it's like people are getting TikTok diagnosis and oh, my friend and this friend and they and I'm always like, and who's they? And oh well you know because I'm Facebook I go stop like please stop. And it's like people have just given their authority and power away to all of these things that they think. And so then they hate themselves. I can't do that. I'm not that. And I go, but who are you? My, that's a really good point, too. It's like, you know, people are using TikTok as their therapist. Oh, you know, and and that it can be go down a rabbit hole real fast, you know, I mean, there's some good stuff on there. Absolutely. There are some great things that I see on TikTok and great videos and great inspirational, you know, motivational people on there. But then you have the ones that are not. So how do you differentiate between the two? You know, you're going to have to really look at that and have someone objective be able to say, okay, well, yeah, you heard this from this person on TikTok, but let's let's look at that a little bit deeper, you know, and how does that apply to your life and your situation. Not everything is is going to be fit into this little box. Right. And I think to besides that, you know, having your own therapist that it's personal for you. And we create those individualized, you know, treatment plans just for you. So it's not like when you go on TikTok that's like for everybody, you know what I mean? Or like you may, you know, come up on somebody. I don't even know how TikTok work out. I just know I've been on TikTok before, and I scroll up and I see all these things. But if you have your own therapist, your therapist can give you that treatment plan that fits you. Well. And funny, because just with one of my newer clients, we were talking about the algorithms, you know, and of course, again, the hardest person to convince of anything is somebody that's been deceived. And we know that there's a lot of information out there that is not true, not accurate. And or bits and pieces of it are and it's whatever. But if you don't know again, if you don't know who you are, you are struggling and you start getting on this algorithm and you start confirming all of these things that. I see. Where you are not right. But then that becomes, no, if I don't wear my converse on Tuesday, I am not okay. Who told you that? And you know and they can't even and I'm like, okay, well that's commerce on. But you're not okay. You know what I mean? So I still try to go in and still meet them where they are, but they do. They start to go here, but then they that becomes their belief system. And so it it's just very sad, you know, because it's like we do have a lot of kind of lost, you know, little people because and we're trying to build that connections back up from trying to do all this stuff. And like you said, I think because we're seasoned old lady, we use it as to I love it because I'm all, you know, as an educator, I'm always like, how do I, you know, get this in a way that I can get my point across. And so even like I've always been self acceptance and like, oh, self-advocacy. Yeah, that works, you know? But we know what we do, you know, and I do get some good things and I do get some like, oh, that was really cool. But we use it as tools, you know, got a hammer. Got us all got it. You know. Yeah. But everybody else it's like, no, I'm building my house. I mean, take that diagnosis and you can't tell me anything and you're wrong or I can't because you. So they literally end up limiting themselves on the very things that they need to grow. We need to start normalizing therapy and normalizing having friends as therapists and not judging you automatically and, you know, normalizing other, you know, areas like doctors and attorneys or they're human first. So, you know, we have to remember that. I mean, now, of course, there are people who take that position that they're in and make it appear that they're above other people. Unfortunately, that is a reality in all areas. And I've seen in therapy, even therapy, even therapists. Absolutely, absolutely. There are therapists that are like, you know, I'm above you because I know all this and I have all these degrees. I mean, shit, I'm sorry if you're not a good human being and you don't recognize, oh, the other people that. Never make your claims behave that way. No. And unfortunately, there are people that. So don't let like, you know, if you've seen that before, that behavior. Like, what's a therapist or a doctor or whoever it is, you know, you know, I know me like playing a dual role, an owner and a business, you know, person and, you know, a therapist. It's like those. That's what I do. That's not who I am. So that's a big thing. You know, it's like recognizing that I am a human first. And I do do have just as many probably, you know issues as everyone else. And insecurities is everyone else's problem. Saying no like everyone else and stuff like that. So you know, we're not perfect. We use our, you know, our knowledge the best that we can. I think when you come from a good place and you are authentic and you're you're in it for the right reasons, it doesn't mean that we're going to be psychoanalyzing and judging you. Well, because that's the thing. I mean, and it really does come down. And I love that. Like, you know, our who is not what we do. We don't get wrapped up. And you know, but again, it's like if I'm, you know, going back to therapists and a lot of people and it's funny because you said something earlier about, you know, most of the people that you deal with or talk to are there in our field. And I told my students just this week, I said, y'all, I had an moment because I didn't realize I'm here all the time. I teach psychology at the college all the time, and I exercise, you know what I mean? So it's like, when am I really out of my bubble, I guess, of academia and all this stuff. And so, you know, I've been doing a lot more like, dancing was one of our former things, Jeannie. And I'm doing a lot. And because, you know, that's therapeutic for me and it's and it has really kind of brought me back and, you know, just listening and meeting different people and everything and, you know, just kind of hearing them talk to her it and I'm like, oh yeah, not everybody's in this field. Oh okay. Wow. Because it's sometimes, you know, and even with that that's a good reality check for us because here just, you know, language or conversations going on. And of course, and even with that, sometimes I want to go, oh no, that's not oh, okay. And you know, because it's just my thing. And I go, wow, there's, there's, there's a lot of people that really don't, they don't know this stuff. And you know, that was a good. And I told my students like, oh yeah, we're doing some good work. I said, but there's a lot of people that this is not in their world at all, you know? And so that's why we keep trying. But I mean, even with that, I had to remember that. Yeah, we're still everybody's still learning, everybody's still growing. And I can't even because sometimes, you know, we get in there and just like, well, why don't you know that that is not my place. You know, I have to still. Oh, we're still we're still at basics. That's okay, you know, and get back down there. And so it's always a good reminder to for us when we're not. Yeah. And I didn't even realize I wasn't like in I guess that world like not that much. It was. Yeah. It was very interesting. So when you said that, I was like, I'm. Literally just talking about that. It is not on purpose. It's just it's just it just is where we are. And I do have. I was thinking, I do have a few friends who are like, I have nurse friends, but they're still in some type of feel where, you know, you can still. Care and kind of yeah. Yeah. Education. Yeah. So it was there. Yeah. It was kind of I got bougie friends who they don't work but they're still good people. Yeah I love that. That's cute. You know who you are. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know I just I love it. Let me ask all this. Have you ever been in a situation to where say you're at like a family something, or you're at somebody's birthday party or, gosh, networking event and somebody kind of puts you on the spot or hey, so-and-so says, you know, I got this person here like. I was going, yeah, how do you handle that? You know, I don't like it at all because I can just think of someone specifically. I will not call him out, but he has done that to me at a few events, like networking events. And why do I feel like I. Know you talk? You probably you you probably don't know nella. Yes. Yes she could. Yes. He knows she's a therapist. She's older than like start saying all this stuff and I'm like, oh my God. And they're like, oh really? And it's like a crowd of people might, I'm going to punch you later. Yeah, I'm going to hit you right now. You're going to get this. Yeah. So I'm going to be like, yeah. So I mean at those things I, you know, I try to go with the flow and, and try to like divert the situation a little bit on like, oh yeah, this. But anyways this is great over here. And I honestly I just tried to like divert it and then I'm just because that does happen. It has happened unfortunately too many times that I like at those type of things because I'm like, I that's not who I am and it's what I do, you know, like and and unless it pertains to like what we're actually talking about, I don't see why you had to bring that up. Like, you know, like I didn't bring it up. I'm not going to say, oh yes, but I'm a therapist. So, bring your chair. I'm going to tell you how it is. Like I'm here to eat the barbecue. Yeah, I'm here I, I'm here today. Next time that happens to you at a picnic, just say, you know what? Oh, my stomach is starting to, like, really bother me at eight to make beans. Excuse me. Yeah. And go to the restroom and just stay in there. Yes. Well. And I. Because I think sometimes because you know me, I'm like. And I'll get blindsided. I'm like, wait, what? Wait, who what? And I get so like, and I do I freeze up because then it's like because I do. It's like when I'm here, I'm in the zone, I'm here. And it's like, this is my purpose. So sometimes I do, and I get so like lost because I'm like, and I, and I then I feel so dumb because I'm thinking, yeah, they're thinking, yeah, wow, we're not going to her place, you know? Well, you know, my kids usually they do that to me like my girl. So I go, oh, my mom is a therapist. Yeah. She can help you in. Oh, let me just let me call her and see. And then they'll call me mom, you know, so and so they really need help. Like, oh, my God. And you're the only person that I could think of. I'm like, just tell them to go on Psychology Today. There's plenty of therapists. But. Mom. No. Yes. That's how Anaya does that too, because she has her friends and stuff. And I'm like, hey, I'm like, the best thing is tell her. Tell her parents they need to reach out. They need to get that person help. It sounds like they're struggling in it. Okay, mom, you know, because she knows I'm like, they can't see me because I'm like, you can't see me. Yeah, you can't see. Someone said, no, no, I cannot see that child like friend of yours. It's not going to be okay. So that happens to me. Anything too of like my family that I, I reconnected with in Sicily when I was there. I hadn't seen them in like 30 years. So I mean, cousins, aunts, uncles, like a ton of family came to see us and they found out, you know, some of them found out, you know, what I do. And over there it's just a psychologist. So they don't have, like, differentiate a therapist or at least a psychologist. So as soon as they said, oh, you know, like, because over there the culture is, you know, most women don't have big careers. That's just not what they do, really. You know, that's the culture they mostly like to, you know, take care of the home. So very traditional. That's just what, you know. So like all my cousins stay at home with the kids. That's just what it is. And the men go out and they work. So when they find that out first of all I'm like a woman. So they're like, oh my gosh, you know? And then another thing is like. Oh. We must have a lot of issues you might have to do. Like basically I have to like work really hard with our family because of all the issues and stuff. And I'm just like, now, listen, I know our family has issues, but that's not different. That, every every other family, every family has issues. So it's just funny because they automatically. Oh yeah, she's a psychologist. Psychologist. I'm just like, oh, I'm just trying to have a Hugo spritzing. And gelato I. Want. I don't make you go spritz. Yes. And I want to I want to try to understand you guys speaking right now. I do not want to talk about our family issues. Oh, my. Because it is I mean, there is there's a lot of things I learned about my family and it was amazing, but but yeah, so that happens even in family situations. So I think it's, it's. Even harder in family situations. And would you, would you ask. Her that question about if you're at a barbecue or picnic or whatever? The only thing I can think of is like, no, it has specifically happened at a barbecue. The only thing that my mom pushes me up to do at a barbecue is, okay, my daughter is going to say the prayer. Yes. Do you want this prayer to be therapy baby. I was just going to say like where are we going with that. Yes. That's that's funny. And that's what I say I'm not small talk. That's where I get so lost because it's like I don't want to talk shop. But that's what we do all day. So some of them like yeah. I mean I get hers, let's go. I can talk sports all day, like, let's go. I'm gonna leave. I'm just going to throw it out. I've actually avoided people in the street, like, especially in, like the like Publix or whatever. I've avoided them because I don't want to talk. And I know that they're going to bring up something about therapy. And I know this sounds bad. You know who you are. So I'm like, I'm going to go the other way because I don't want to because I have boundaries. And sometimes it depends on who it is. You don't really want to, like, shoo them away, but you don't want to talk therapy either. Right. Or or and I know we had a, you know, like talking about seeing some people and sometimes you see people from the office that aren't necessarily your clients, but they know who you are. And I'm telling you, some days I'll be in, in this whole day, like having 7 or 8 clients, I got nothing left. And so, like, even if somebody comes up talk, I'm like, listen, I'm really sorry, but like, I can't even my brain is, you know, and I feel bad because I'm like, can I call you later? You just text. You, right? Because you send me emails. I'm done. Yes. We're done. And sometimes I have days like that too. And so, like, you know, we got to recognize that, like, we're we're doing this all day. And sometimes we've had those days where we have heavy, heavy shit, you know, and it's like, you know, we just need to like, disconnect. And, you know, like, for me, I just love to just like, look, look at trash TV. Like, it makes me feel better. And I go into somebody else's life that is just, you know, and I don't have to. And I can't say anything to them. I can just laugh or, you know, whatever. So I like the crazy trash, like reality shows. Okay. That that helps me. So therapeutic. Literally. What if I had to. Like, my clients ask me about love Island or. Something? That's like the big. Problem right now, a girl, whatever. And then one of them looks me. He goes, yeah, doctor up and like you and like her. And I'm like, I don't. Who is this for? Like, I don't even know. Been watching Divorce. Sisters. I don't like. Oh, that sounds like a good one. I did is they had there were eight episodes. Yeah. Eight episodes. I just stumbled across it and I really like it. And my husband was like, what do you watch? I'm like divorced sisters. Yeah. Why don't you watch it? Last night, the Hall of Fame Bowl was on. You know what? I was like football bad. It was so. Good, though, because it you're. I'm looking at other people's lives and I'm like, wow. Now I really was diagnosing them. Yeah. Oh, like, we can't be bipolar for us because as. For good for it. Yeah. I'm like, she's the bipolar one. She's the one that thinks she's better than the other ones. She just walks around like, you know, I got it all. Together and your husband is seeing somebody else. You don't know it yet. So. I mean. That sounds like good stuff. I want to watch it. I'm exhausted already. I'm like, you know, I'm not mad. No, I like. I like the 90 Day Fiancé and the 90 day, like, do you guys want to have a. Show? Like, seen it? But I don't watch it. I don't I know. Another chat show. But anyways, so that is the end of our podcast. Yeah, it is gotta be the end. But y'all are diagnosing us now and. Announced that we've been getting some, you know, reach out from people wanting to collaborate and sponsor. So if you are one I have not announced like, you know, a way to contact us. So people are doing like, you know, through Facebook or Instagram and things like that. So, if I haven't reached back out, please just go ahead and email me because, it's sometimes I, I'm still reading the social media stuff, guys. So, I'm. Actually nah, not good at all. So it's all about me. I don't know, try hard, but there is a link. There are links I know in the YouTube where you can contact and then there's links, in the, in the buzzsprout I believe as well. So but if not, go ahead and email me personally. Nella. See so any Lacey at Bella mental health.com and I I'm definitely would be interested in any collaboration or sponsorships that you guys have reached out so and please. Feel guest also. Coming in. Yeah. So a lot of people are wanting to be on our podcast. So please, we're welcoming people of all all different careers and experiences. So we love it. So thank you for tuning in. All right. So today.