Real Men Cry: Trauma, Addiction & the Truth About Men’s Mental Health

In this deeply emotional and powerful episode of Therapists Unhinged, the hosts sit down with special guest Brandon Albrecht — veteran, firefighter, father, husband, and survivor — for an unfiltered conversation about trauma, masculinity, addiction, and healing. What begins as a discussion about “being strong” quickly unfolds into a raw exploration of what happens when boys are forced to grow up too fast and men are taught to suffer in silence. 

Brandon shares his story of childhood trauma, parental divorce, emotional neglect, becoming a caretaker for his younger siblings, and carrying adult responsibilities long before he was emotionally prepared. He opens up about using alcohol to numb pain, navigating military life and multiple deployments, surviving emotional darkness, and ultimately reaching a turning point that forced him to confront the unresolved wounds he had spent decades hiding.

Together, the hosts unpack the damaging messages many boys receive growing up — “man up,” “boys don’t cry,” “be tough” — and how emotional suppression often turns into anger, addiction, isolation, or self-destruction later in life. They explore how trauma passed through generations can silently shape identity, relationships, parenting, and marriage if left unhealed.

This episode also dives into the realities of military culture, masculinity, divorce, fatherhood, and the pressure men feel to carry everyone else’s burdens while ignoring their own emotional needs. Through vulnerability, honesty, and reflection, Brandon shares how therapy, faith, accountability, family support, and sobriety helped transform his life and reconnect him with the person he always was beneath the pain.

At its core, this conversation is about breaking cycles, redefining strength, and giving men permission to be human.

This is an episode for the men silently struggling, the partners trying to understand them, and the families hoping healing is possible.

⭐️ KEY TAKEAWAYS

•  Boys who are forced to “grow up fast” often carry invisible emotional burdens into adulthood 
•  Emotional suppression in men can lead to anger, addiction, isolation, and broken relationships 
•  Trauma doesn’t define your identity — it is part of your story, not your future 
•  Vulnerability is not weakness; it is often the beginning of healing 
•  Many men were never taught how to process emotions in healthy ways 
•  Addiction is often an attempt to numb unresolved pain, not a lack of willpower 
•  Therapy, accountability, faith, and connection can radically transform lives 
•  Parents going through divorce must protect children from carrying adult emotional burdens 
•  Healing often begins when pride and ego are replaced with honesty and support 
•  Real strength is choosing growth, even after years of pain 

Therapists Unhinged is where mental health gets real. Hosted by licensed therapists who tell it like it is, this podcast dives deep into the messy, meaningful, and hilarious parts of being human. From mastering resilience to navigating the chaos of everyday life, we bring raw conversations, expert insights, and unfiltered honesty… no jargon, no BS.

New episodes drop weekly. Subscribe, leave a review, and come unhinge with us.

Transcript

[...0.2s]And this is why I want to say, this is why [...0.6s] real men, [...0.4s] real men cry absolutely, and real men have feelings, and it's okay. And that's why I wanted to bring him on is because I know that it's there, and I think you can help other men, great men who've been through a lot [...0.6s] see that. It's okay.I agree. Yeah, and it's great that it's okay, doesn't make it any easier. You know, I love this hard exterior shell that I [...0.6s] promote in the gym and everywhere else tattoos and muscles. Yeah, yeah, the big tattooed fireman cries, right, fluffy Titty bear.Yeah yeah, yeah, the holes on the outside and just soft mushy on the inside, right, [...9.3s] so welcome to therapists unhinged [...0.6s] go.Hello, we have my co host TJ, and we also have a special guest today. We have Mr. Brandon Albrecht, and he is also my husband, so I've, kind of, mentioned him a few times on, um you know, some of these shows, but [...0.6s] please welcome Brandon.Hi, Brandon [...0.8s] here, I am here in the flesh, so it's me. The reason why we decided to bring Brandon on is because he has not only a wealth of knowledge, but he has a huge history.He is going to be 45 in June, [...2.3s] but the biggest thing is that he's been through [...0.7s] war, he's been through addiction, he's experienced abuse, [...0.7s] he has experienced a lot of things that, um, unfortunately children and young adults should not experience. But, [...0.8s] um, he's experienced divorce. But [...0.5s] I want to start here [...0.8s] with you.Can you tell us and just share, um, what almost broke you that maybe people didn't expect? [...2.5s] Oh, [...0.6s] it's loaded. I think I know it is, there's a lot they can go into that, so [...0.6s] I don't know they too, [...0.8s] that's kind of tough, and it's only tough because it depends on how far I wanna go back.Um you know, I could go back to the, you know, times of being a teenager, being a child, you know, and, and, um you know, the parts that I went through with, you know, my mom leaving and, and my dad and going through all of that, and, and seeing those things and, and those things happening in my life at that very moment.I would say that was somewhat, [...0.4s] somewhat of a breaking point. I and, but at the same time, I think I was so young.And how old are you when things happen in your childhood? 12 to 13 is when things really, and that started to stand out. And, and can you just share a little bit about what kind of happened?Yeah, so more or less, I mean, my parents unfortunately separated, like a lot of parents, you know, in today's day and age. Um you know, a lot of families obviously go through that.And I'm not anything special in that sense, but, um, going through that at the time that I did, having my siblings with me, my brother and sister being younger than me, um, was tough.It was tough because [...0.6s] not only did I have to grow up extremely fast at 13 years old. I think some of my, [...0.5s] I would say my youth was a, was almost strip for me, um, [...0.5s] damn it. [...1.2s] So, yeah, I just, I just feel some of my youth was, you know um uh, [...0.6s] was kind of stripped away from me, um, from time to time.You know, I I, I tried to have a positive attitude. I was good with my friends, um, I, I was always happy when I was out and doing things. Uh, but, you know, it was just, it was so hard to grow up in, in that scenario, in that situation, because [...0.4s] I was raising my brother and sister like a parent.And, and everything that had gone wrong during those times, anything that was not okay, anything that was, [...0.5s] you know, not happening in the household. Um, unfortunately, like probably a lot of the older, you know, siblings in the house or the oldest one, you know, it fell on my shoulders quite a bit.And I just think at that point, I realized that life was gonna be tough [...0.4s] for a while, and [...1.4s] I didn't know how to deal with it, um, not at least at that time. I, I wasn't sure what to do besides do what I was told. And, um, I just, I tried my best and [...0.7s] it, it was hard though.And I think that point when my mom left and I was being raised by my father, and I know he was struggling as well, but to be the person for him that I don't, I don't think I should have been the person that I needed to be for him.Yes, I wanted to be there for my father, but [...0.4s] during that time, it was just very difficult and it started to wear on me severely.So you were kind of in that role of not only the oldest sibling, but you were, [...1.5s] you were had to be there for your dad emotionally while also dealing with your own emotions of your mom leaving, you know, divorce being there.Um, I can imagine it was hard on you just being a young man still figuring yourself out. And what do you, [...0.6s] what kind of things were you maybe taught or told either by your [...0.7s] family or your friends that, you know, what being a man was at that time?Cause right, you had to be a young man, and people say that so much. What, what were you taught of how to handle those situations? [...1.2s] Um, [...0.9s] to be honest, not a lot. I I, I felt like I had to figure it out on my own.I mean, yes, there were certain things in life that I was taught early at, you know, at 13, 14. And I don't even know if it was so much teaching.It was kind of, I think learning, learning as I went along, learning as, as things [...0.4s] started to unfold and happen, and as I started to understand and get older and mature [...0.6s] that, you know, I I, I can only do so much, you know, to be a man. I I, I was trying to be that man.And my family, you know, while my, you know, parents were going through what they were going through.Um, but, you know, everybody, kind of, just says, hey, everything will be okay, no strap in, you know, you have to just grow, you have to get through this. Um, but there was really no, I don't, [...0.4s] I don't think anybody really taught me anything at that moment.I think I had to teach myself to figure it out because if I didn't, [...0.5s] I knew [...0.5s] potentially there were consequences to not [...0.7s] doing that and not just growing as fast as I needed to, because I was told to, and it wasn't even so much teaching, it was just like, here it is, now you have to deal with it. [...1.3s] When did life start to take a turn for you? Um, [...0.6s] who? TJ, let me see.I would say once I had my, the freedom of driving and having a job when I turned 16, and granted I worked a little bit too with my mom when she, her and my father were still together, I just do odd things with her, you know, go help clean houses or something just to make a few bucks. Right?But I think, I think [...0.6s] the turning point was when I started to have that freedom, when I could start being around my friends, right?When I could start going to job and getting my mind, you know, preoccupied with other things and not so focused on, you know um, [...0.6s] what was going on in the house. You know, now at this point, I was 16, and my mom and myself, we, we started, you know, relationship started to come back around.We were visiting with her, um, more, cause for a while, we didn't have any contact with her when she first left my dad.So it was a very long time, [...0.4s] um, that we didn't even know what was going on in life within, it was specifically with her. We had no idea where she was, what was going on, I mean, nothing.So by the time we got past that, and I again, I started to grow a little bit more and understand how things were gonna, kind of, go for a while.Um, like I said, I hit 16 and I was like, cool, I have my freedoms, I can I can, I can go see my friends, I can go to my job, I can get my mind off of things.Some things I was doing wasn't the best drinking early in life, um, smoking weed early in life, doing those things. Because it, it felt like it fixed it.It truly did, it felt like it fixed it, and it was a temporary fix. I think at the time, um, especially when you're young, you know, you just you, you just find any way to to, to, [...0.5s] you know, [...0.7s] minimize things that are you going through. And the way I did that was through my friends, through my job, and through drinking and having a good time.And, and that was, I wouldn't call it a positive turning point necessarily, but it was a point in my life to where I had to start doing things for myself and trying to make myself feel better. [...1.4s]So, you know um, [...0.7s] of course, that must have been hard. Um, what would you say, like, some of the things that even when you had to cope the unhealthy coping mechanisms, what would you say was something that really helped, you know, bring you through?And what were some strengths that you had? What were some supports that you had at that time? So, I mean, I had a couple good friends, obviously, that, that, you know um, my friend Jonathan, um, he's been my friend forever.I mean, I've known him for a long time now. Granted we've had our UPS and downs, but we were together since we were in diapers.I mean, our parents knew each other and all that stuff, so we leaned on each other a lot, also got in trouble together a little bit. Um, nothing crazy, thankfully not locked up, not in handcuffs, um, because the military may not have took me if that was the case. But, um, but I had a few good friends to lean on at the time.Um, I now, you know, obviously very good friend Steve, um, huge part, huge part in that, I mean, towards more, towards the time I was about to leave for the military, he kind of came into my life, um, through my friend Jonathan.We became friends, you know, through him. But [...0.4s] either way, um, those guys were the ones that, kind of, just helped me get through things, you know, talking to my friends, trying to stay focused with my job, making money, you know, and those were, those were my focuses at the time, just to, [...0.4s] just again to navigate the rough waters and to get me through it.And that's why I say so much when we talk about this briefly, like on our podcast.Is, you know, sometimes, you know, our [...0.5s] family [...0.7s] is [...0.6s] not what we need at that time, you know, and yes, do we love them absolutely, you know, but [...0.5s] sometimes it's other people that are in our lives, whether be friends or family friends that kind of help us through certain times of our life.And it sounds like that's, kind of, what it was for him, um, for you, Brandon is, like, those friends, like kind of, helped you through that rough time, um you know, and, and unfortunately also alcohol, um, but [...0.6s] with [...0.5s] the alcohol, [...0.5s] what would you say that [...0.6s] it did for you at that time? [...1.3s]So, [...0.6s] I mean, I think most kids, when you're young, you know, a lot of kids, at least in the 90s, not so much people anymore, but we used to drink, you know, getting your dad's beer, right? Getting your dad's stuff or getting your mom's stuff or whatever, right?And at first it was more for just fun and just being, you know, a little mischievous and things of that nature. And it would just more so to, just to be a young stupid kid, right? We were just being young and thought it was fun and, and all that.But [...0.4s] as time went on [...0.8s] and things were, you know, the things that I started to go through in life, [...0.4s] um, I was leaning on it more.And I leaned on it to the point where even before I was 18, I remember, you know, blacking out, drunk a lot and passing out my front yard and all sorts of stuff that was terrible. And I was using it to, just to numb everything.It was just like, hey, if I can drink these, this pain away, you know, and get through another day, I'll be okay. So I can imagine you didn't go to counseling when you were younger.Absolutely not. Yeah. And do you believe that, like, if you had gotten like outside support, it could have helped you a little bit more and guide you in a different direction [...1.3s] at the time?No, and I say that for a couple reasons. One, I just wouldn't have thought that way at 17 or 18 or even young. You know, I wouldn't have thought therapy was the way to go. You know, because [...0.7s] as we sit in this office and we do what we do here and being a part of this team and seeing how everything goes and seeing some of the youthful folks coming here today now, I'm like, wow, you know, it's, it's almost inspiring to see these young kids coming in here, whether they're forcing here or not.It's, it's refreshing to see people actually reaching out. But at the time [...0.9s] in the 80s and 90s when things were different, your your, you didn't go to mental health, your, your parents didn't say, hey, let's go see a counselor. It was do what you're told or else, and I will fix you [...0.4s] here more or less.And there are so parents who believe in that way of thinking. They don't believe in therapy. They don't believe in that, but, like, now that you're a part of it, you see what it's gonna transform eyes, and you go into therapy as an adult and things you've seen what it can do for people.So, um, that's great. Can you tell us, um, how old were you when you decided to go in the military? Um, so it's kind of funny how this story played out, and I, maybe I told you about it, I think TJ, so we were me and Jonathan, you know um, we were 18 going on 19. I started college and I was like, college sucks.I didn't like school at all. I did barely like school when I was in high school. But I knew I had to get through it. I knew I wanted to graduate. I wanted to make my family proud. Of course, I wanted to walk the stage and all the things that we all wanna do, you know, those, those [...0.4s] milestones that we all wanna, wanna hit.And, and, you know, I got there, but then again, I was going, you know, just college, and I, kind of, had that option of, hey, go to school and, you know, you can be at home or [...0.5s] get a job and you gotta get out of here. So [...0.7s] school wasn't my thing. It just wasn't, and, you know, we decided or not we, but, [...0.4s] kind of, we.Jonathan's dad, Kevin, which I love Kevin, um, he was like, hey, you two knuckleheads, uh, it's time to do something with your lives. And he's like, go see a recruiter, cause Kevin was in the Air Force as well.And my grandfather as, you know, was in the Air Force too, my grandpa Claude. So [...0.6s] I had that background a little bit in it, a little bit, you know, with the military friends and stuff. My, my grandpa [...0.5s] and it, so I was, you know, we were, we were just not really doing a lot, and, and, you know, we, I was getting in, [...0.5s] I think I would have kept getting into trouble.I had my son at 19, right before I actually joined the military, which to answer your question, right, 19. And I knew [...0.6s] again that we had to do something, and Kevin said, Jonathan, Brandon, go to recruiter, get signed up and go to start your lives.So reluctantly a little bit, I was like, oh damn, I gotta go really do this. I'm like, I'm gonna go sign my life away, and the military is gonna take me wherever. And he's like, yep, that's exactly how it's gonna go. I was like, okay, haha.So we went to the recruiter, we sat there, we did our things, signed up, ended up at Meps, and then at 19 years old, I was, um, on my way to basic training.Mom, that's a lot, that's a lot, and then you became a dad [...0.5s] right away [...0.8s] immediately unexpectedly before you left high school. My son was born in 2,001 unexpectedly and then you married his mom. I didn't.Yep, 2003. Yep. So [...0.6s] kind of did a lot of life changes at a very young age, very quick. Yeah. Did you feel like you [...0.5s] or, like, what do you feel like was missing from [...0.6s] like your support system? Like, let's say your dad, your mom, like when you first kind of [...0.6s] had to do all that. [...1.5s]Um, [...0.5s] my mom [...0.6s] bless, you know, bless her heart is one of the kindest people in the world.I mean, she truly is and she has a big heart for everybody. So my mom, of course was, [...0.7s] I wouldn't say necessarily happy that I was having a kid at the age. I was having a kid, I can't say happy. Um, but she was very supportive in the sense that she was like, son, it's here, we gotta deal with it.This is what, this is what you're gonna go through. And it's time to be a father. And, you know, she's like, I'll help you, you know, as much as I can. But again, I was in South Carolina. So I was thirty five hundred miles away. Um.My son at the time was still in California and we weren't, you know together at the time.But my mom was more supportive for sure, you know telling me like, hey, we'll do this, we'll do that if you need advice on how to, you know whatever with the baby, you know because I didn't know, you know there's no, all the handbooks in the world, I don't know if they can prepare you for fatherhood or even [...0.8s] like, I don't, you know, what to expect when you're not expecting or whatever that book is that everybody talks about.Like I can probably read that front to back and be like, no, it still doesn't get ready for this. And especially with Isaac and Isaac, if you ever see this, you'll probably laugh, but he was tough.But either way, um, now my father, as far as his support system went, he was like, I told you not to do that. Natural father, I guess. Reaction 19.This episode is sponsored by Bella Psychological and Wellness Services, where mental health meets real world results. From therapy and medication management services to [...0.6s] forensic evaluations and high conflict [...0.4s] cases.We specialize in conflict situations with families and individuals, some that require a little bit more than just surface level care. If you're ready for stability, [...0.5s] for structure and real change, visit Bella Psychological Services. Com, serving clients across Florida [...0.8s] in person and virtually. I told you you should be smarter, protect yourself.Don't have a kid didn't listen. Maybe I should have listened, but I don't take anything back. Love my son. I love my daughter who's not far behind him. Um, but the support itself, [...0.4s] I would say was minimal, but [...0.6s] it was kind of there, but not as much as I probably would have liked it to be.What kind of [...0.6s] support or lack thereof that your feet, you talked about with your father.Like, what do you feel like, kind of looking back now that you didn't get from him that you feel like could have maybe helped you and in, in ways, you know being a man learning how to be a man, learning how to be a father and a husband and things like that. [...1.9s]I know it's a sensitive subject, [...4.0s] and this is why I want to say, this is why [...0.5s] real men real men cry absolutely.And real men have feelings, and it's okay. And that's why I wanted to bring them on is because I know that it's there, and I think you can help other men, great men who've been through a lot [...0.5s] see that it's okay. I agree. Yeah, [...0.7s] yeah, and, [...0.5s] and it's great that it's okay, doesn't make it any easier.No, absolutely not, doesn't make it any easier. You know I love this hard exterior shell that I, uh, promote in the gym and everywhere else tattoos and muscles.Yeah, yeah the big tattooed firemen cries, right, fluffy Titty bear. Yeah, yeah yeah. The holes on the outside and just soft, mushy on the inside, right? Um.I think I think for me with that, it's, don't get me wrong. I'm not gonna paint the worst picture in the world of this part of my father. But he did teach me some things. You know I'm good at cars because of him. We played some sports. He threw a ball with me.Right? The father things, right? Going fishing from time to time. We did some of those things, [...0.5s] the things I wish I would add [...0.7s] more of that unconditional love, right? Not to not to necessarily, [...0.9s] I don't know if judge is the right word or criticize, um, for some of my life choices, right?Whether it was having a son at 19 [...0.4s] or, [...0.4s] you know just [...0.7s] being there for him or whatever, like I just felt at times I was there more for my family and for my dad, especially those tough years, um, more so than anybody was there for you. Me.And [...1.1s] not that I paid the bills or pay the mortgage or [...0.5s] the food on the table at the time, obviously, but it was like [...0.6s] I felt like I was doing so much in my in my in my household. Like so much was expected of me. And I just wish I could have leaned on other people a little bit more.The people that were older than me, that are my parents and my, you know even my stepmom, right? And again, not to say that they didn't do things for us, they did. And, and they were dealing with a lot too. And I can't take that away from, from them, you know I, I really can't.I can understand the emotional side of my father, my stepmom and my mom and my stepdad. And I know [...0.4s] they were going through a lot as well, raising us, going through that, putting food on the table, making sure we had a roof over our head, [...0.5s] but there was that love that was missing from time to time.And [...0.5s] I don't know if it's fair to say that it's okay that, that didn't happen that way [...0.8s] because of everything cause of everything going on. And, you know not only were we broke it as kids, my brother, my sister, myself, [...0.7s] but [...0.6s] I know he was broken. And, and maybe he just couldn't give that even though I wanted it.You know I was thinking it before you said it, because sometimes, you know we do we depend on our parents because they are parents. But often times when we don't get it [...0.5s] from them, it's because they haven't had it.And sometimes they can only we can they can we can only meet them where they are [...0.6s] at that moment. But what would you say to just learning what you've Learned and going through [...0.5s] what you've been through?What would you say to other men, other young boys? Like, you know often times we hear man, or, you know um you need to, um, [...0.5s] men don't cry, boys don't cry. You sure you're acting like a girl.What would you say to, you know um some young men who may be experiencing some of those saying [...0.7s] types of things, you know they're afraid to, [...0.4s] you know get into their emotions because they're, you know for lack of, because they can't they don't know how to address them, sure, but also because they're, it's shameful or, you know they feel weak. What would you say to that? [...1.4s]Well, [...0.4s] as a young man in my late teens, early 20s, I felt the same. I felt exactly the same.We don't cry. I'm not gonna do this, I'm not gonna do that. You know I cried enough. I'm not gonna go to counseling. I'm okay, you know I'll be fine. I'll get through this. My pride, my ego and everything else, so just push me through my masculinity, right?I was in the military, I was a firefighter, oh my god, I'll be good. And, you know unfortunately, a lot of the bad stuff went into my first marriage. Um, some things, you know were just didn't go well because of my past, but to tell, to answer your question, um, [...1.3s] drop the pride, drop the ego, I don't care how old you are. Drop the pride, drop the ego.I like that, and even as a not even just a man, as a woman too, we need to do that too. Cause we have pride issues and ego issues. You have to, it's almost a must, and not to say you can't be a man and be tough, and be a protector and all those other things.Because I feel to this day, I'm still that, you know I am that, I am a man, I am I am a father, I'm a husband, I'm a protector, I'm all those things.I mean everywhere we go and everywhere I am, I'm always [...0.5s] kind of you know where my surroundings, it's because of who I am, but [...0.8s] you can also be vulnerable, and it's okay [...0.5s] as a man as a grown man sitting here today. Like I said, with everything I've ever gone through. It's okay to be vulnerable.It's okay to open up. It's okay to drop the pride a little bit. Because if you do that, and you're honest with yourself, and you are open to conversations, whether it is with a counselor, with your friends, with people that are closest to you, that you can that you can rely on, that will help you through things.You gotta be able to talk. And if you don't do that, you'll end up like me for a while. You become an alcoholic, [...0.8s] you become angry, [...0.9s] and also show the crab.And, you know one thing that you, you said that, of course, makes my mind, [...0.7s] you know span a little bit, is because I work with the high conflict fits and families.I work a lot with, you know kids who've gone through divorce reunification therapy. I do those type of, that's, like, my, my specialty work.One thing that I find of a very common theme, which is sounds like your parents, specifically your dad and, um, maybe stepmom and mom. I maybe at the time, but is [...0.5s] they were going through a hard time right of the divorce and putting food on the table and all those things.However, [...0.7s] putting that aside [...0.6s] and looking at your children, who are the innocent ones. And that's one thing I try so hard to, [...0.5s] to let parents know is that, [...0.5s] yes, you need support. Hold on to your friends, your family, as a parent going through divorce, lean on to that.Go to therapy, go to whatever, go to church, whatever it is, that can be your solid support system because your children still need you absolutely, and your children can't hold your burden. And I know that is what happened to you.And I know back in the 80s, 90s, it was a different time. But like saying that to, you know parents now as I tell them, it's not about your emotions.Your emotions have to be put to the side because your children still need their parents, still need their mom, still need their dad. So it doesn't matter if you hate [...0.5s] the, your wife or your husband. That does not matter.Your children still deserve their family and still deserve to have a mom and a dad in their lives. And I and it and people struggle with that, and I get it.I've been through a divorce too. He has to, and it's hard to, like, have so much hurt and, and pain out there, and then still show up for your kids.So if I can encourage anybody out there going through divorce and doing that is you're gonna have to [...0.6s] compartmentalize. You have to learn how to keep that away from your children, because [...0.4s] then you end up with hurt and pain for years, like someone like, like, you know Brandon had to experience.So, um, well, thank you for sharing that part. Um, absolutely [...0.6s] one thing I wanted to also talk about too is that, um, one thing I respected about Brandon.So I met Brandon, we were both in our early 30s, [...0.4s] um, and he [...0.4s] was in the military, and he has gone through seven deployments, so he's definitely been into the worst countries in the world, seen a lot that a lot of people don't see, which of course impacted his mental health even more, um, and increase the alcohol use. Because that is unfortunately, a lot of things that happen in the military. They drink a lot, and that's, it's just an unfortunate theme. Um.What do you think was a turning point for you to where you had to [...0.5s] kind of realize that you weren't on this still with the right path in your 30s and like, okay I'm still drinking. I'm still doing the same thing wanting [...1.1s] to have all those old behaviors.What do you think was a turning point for you to put the alcohol down even sober now for two and a half years, right, [...0.5s] so very good for him. So what do you think was a big turning point for you? [...1.1s] Pretty sure you know the answer to this question already, but [...0.5s] I'll go ahead and answer it anyway. Maybe a little different than what you expect.No, um, [...1.8s] there's a lot of factors actually that go into this whole thing. Um, as far as drinking goes, and again to all of you out there, not against drinking people.Haha, I'm not. If you need a drink and that's what you do that's what you do but, um, but for me specifically for me my turning point was [...0.8s] knowing that one I needed to keep my marriage and my family together. Um.Main reason, [...0.7s] the most important reason, I would say, um, because I knew if I didn't [...0.4s] start to figure things out and I didn't start to make [...0.7s] better myself, um, you know physically, spiritually, I mean in every which way I was gonna lose the most important people in my life.I would just I just was I was on trajectory that was gonna lead me into some very [...0.8s] dark places. Um, [...0.4s] even in my early 30s, even when we first met. And a lot of that, you know was through the trauma and through the things that I still I think was trying to process.Um, and a lot of it too, you know they continue drinking one the military to your point. We can't do anything else, you know and not to say we should do drugs in this military, of course we shouldn't. Um, but drinking was the way that most military people escaped.That's the way we hung out, what we did, that's how we socialize. We especially, you know with us firefighters, we'd be off, you know for two days and we'd hang out on our Friday and Saturday and have a great time.But, but I, I knew I get to get back to the question. I knew that losing my family was not, not okay, was completely unacceptable. And [...0.7s] I started to see things a lot differently once I put it down.And also my counselor, um, Alan, which I'm gonna call you out, Alan was a huge part of [...0.8s] turning me into [...6.1s] a better man. Um, [...0.5s] not a perfect man by any stretch of imagination, but a better man. Um.He talked me through [...0.7s] so much, um, of my, [...0.4s] you know my [...0.7s] trauma with my parents, [...0.9s] my military, you know experience all the death and war and things that I saw overseas, [...0.6s] even, you know being a firefighter just stateside at my bases, you know people hurt, people killed, car accident, I mean just things that you don't want to see, things you can't ever [...1.1s] get rid of. [...1.3s]But [...1.1s] my family was the biggest [...0.6s] reason I had to stop. And [...0.5s] I can tell you [...1.4s] unequivocally and without a doubt, I am so much happier with where I'm at my life. I feel the best I have ever felt at 44, going on 45. Um, I'm in the best shape of my life.And I contribute that to some of my gym friends, of course. And they have been a huge, huge part of this journey. Um, [...0.7s] but of course, you have, [...0.4s] and, um, [...1.7s] my kids it's so refreshing to see, [...0.8s] um, my kids you know tell me they're proud like that. Dad, you have really, really changed. [...1.1s]And that alone [...0.6s] is gonna keep me sober [...0.4s] and done with downfall for the rest of my life. Yeah, and, and I, I did see him. I did see you transform into someone that I always knew was there. And I believed in him.And I think [...0.5s] if for anyone out there that, you know does have an addiction is having just one person, I think believe in you and see through that. Because I knew that alcohol wasn't him, and I knew the person he became when he was drinking wasn't him. It was just almost like a mask of a person that was [...0.5s] so broken.And I knew, of course, coming from mental health, I was I know what I saw [...0.4s] in him, and I saw a broken little boy [...0.7s] that never heals, that used it to cope. But I saw deep down who he really was, which he's an amazing man, which is why I married him.And I knew that once he put it down, he would stay that person. And he has two and a half years. He's the best I've ever seen him, like, he said shape, like his mentality, the way he is with the kids.Um, and I love that his kids got to see, see a, his their dad [...0.6s] transform from someone who was struggling emotionally using something like alcohol to function, [...0.6s] um, and see that it could change lives. And he did do that for us.And he did do that because, you know like a lot of people out there who are [...0.5s] either spouses or children of someone who is an alcoholic or addicted to something.Um, [...0.5s] you know we carry a lot of guilt [...0.7s] if we wanted to step aside and leave that person because I hear that a lot too with, with families is like, well, I feel bad if I just walk away. Like, he needs me or she needs me the most right now.And, you know at the same time, parents like me, is we have to take a moment and say, like, you know kids come first, right? They don't deserve to see that type of behavior. And what if that continues the cycle of alcoholism and your family?So [...0.4s] him making that choice, [...0.5s] whether it was for us or not, like, he made it for him. And that's a hard, hard one to put down. And, you know I will say, you know since being a part of Bella, [...0.5s] I had the opportunity to meet you in your more healed version, [...0.5s] you know of who you are.And, you know sometimes when you meet people in their healed version or, you know they have those healthy coping mechanisms now, it's hard to even [...0.4s] imagine, [...0.5s] you know the road they took.Although I know that we all have, you know some type of trauma in our lives, but I, I just wanna say that, you know as a, um, co worker and a friend [...0.5s] of yours, I hope I'm a friend of yours.Oh gosh, he loves handsome PJ, [...0.4s] I [...0.4s] mean like every day he just loves Steven. He's on camera, so make sure, like, if I ever lose my place and become homeless, yeah, Terry, this is for you buddy. But I just I enjoy working with you every day. Like, I enjoy coming in, and, you know you're so fun to be around.And I get the opportunity to see you even with our clients that are out in the lobby, mainly the youth.And how you interact with them, and how, you know your life may not have, [...0.4s] have been as favorable as you would have liked it to be. You're, you're giving other people [...0.4s] a second chance, and or you're showing them what, you know what a second chance look like.You know and I think there's, you know what I wanted to say this, and I, kind of slipped my mind for a second, but, [...0.4s] you know I, I [...0.5s] again with just everything that I've, you know obviously seen in and again [...0.8s] nothing special, right?A lot of people have gone through a lot in life, way more than me by far. And I'm just my own story. And, and and it is my story, but, but it was hard, [...0.5s] you know um but I, I I think about, like, what you're saying, like the healed version of me, the version you're seeing, and how I interact with people.And I think I do that because of the lack of what I had when I was younger. I think I wanna give love, and I care so much [...0.7s] because [...2.8s] I didn't always have it. You know I, sometimes I think I needed that extra hug, you know from my dad or, or whomever, you know just tell me it's gonna be okay.And, [...0.5s] and that's why I think I give so much, and I try so hard to be a good human being and again not perfect, but I interact with people, and I give people as much as I possibly can, because I wanna be a good person. I, I want, I don't wanna see others struggle with what I struggle with.I don't, it breaks my heart to see these young kids in here that are super young, [...0.5s] you know early teenagers going through this stuff. And I, it, [...4.8s] so there's one client here [...1.2s] that you talk to, [...0.8s] that she talks to as a parent or the parent to parent. And you know who he is. I won't drop his name on here. I'm not sure I'm supposed to, [...1.1s] no, I'm kidding.I know that I'm not gonna drop his name, but there's somebody you talk to here, this young man that I love to death. And, and if you heard me talking, you would know he would know who I was talking about. And I just, [...0.5s] I see [...1.4s] what his parents are going through, and I see what he's going through.And I look at him, [...1.3s] and as different as we are, [...0.4s] even when I was his age, [...0.7s] I see me in him. [...1.3s] And I, [...1.7s] I hate that. And I don't like these, that word hate.But I hate that for the for for anybody, but [...0.4s] for some reason, something with this young man that really sticks out to me. And [...1.0s] I treat these, the youth, um, [...0.9s] as good as I can.Again, just, just because I, [...0.6s] I think I, there's things in my life that were lacking in, and I don't want others to go through that. And when I when I see certain people in here or even out, like, and I see them struggling, like, I want to be [...1.0s] Superman, right, [...0.6s] Superman.I love Superman. She knows it. I love Superman, my favorite Superman. And I think about it all the time, like, man, if I could have a special power, I would I would heal this whole world, I would, I mean I'm not Jesus, [...0.6s] but I would, if I had a superpower, and I could fly and do everything, I would save everybody. I would, because that's how I feel, that's who I feel like I am as a person.Well, you know my thing is you definitely have a story to tell. And even though, [...0.4s] you know your story, um, was one of pain, it's also one of purpose.And I see where you are now too, especially in your spiritual growth. And, you know you and I've had one, I wanna talk to that too. And that's definitely because I was gonna ask you, you know what are some of the, the strong, um, support that you lean on now? And I know one is your faith.And so, you know I know there's many others, but when you have that relationship, you know with god, that helps [...0.5s] you to continue to heal, not only that, but it helps you to be healing for others.And so that's what that's one of the most important things that I admire about you, and how you don't, you know use your story as a crush now, but you use that story to, to get to other people, to be able to be that, you know voice for others. And, and that's what makes you special.Haha, thank you, I, I I really appreciate that. And, and, yeah, I, and there's a and there's a saying to that I see all the time, and that she, you know she, you know I told her, and she sees I probably sees it the most broken people seem to be the ones that give the most, and, and and try the hardest [...0.4s] to make others happy.You know because again, like I was saying earlier, it's, it's one of those things where you're so, [...0.8s] and not that I am now, but when I was so internally broken, [...0.5s] I wanted to give everything to everybody [...0.5s] and not even take care of me.And [...0.4s] it was just what I wanted to do it, just I don't know what was in me to do it. Maybe the military, maybe being a fireman, because as a military firefighter or both, you know if you separated the two, um, were, you know they're about helping people, you know that's what we do.Um, so [...0.5s] the military, the firefighting, my family, my friends, it's like no matter how I felt inside, no matter how broken I felt, I wanted to give somebody 110% people everybody. Because I want I want to put a smile on my face.And even the people that I go to the gym with, you know they see me all the time. Maybe I say hi to probably 40 people in the morning because everything, hey, hey hey, you know and they're like, dude, you always have a smile, you're always smiling, you always seem happy.And, and don't get me wrong, there's days I'm not, but [...0.6s] it's so refreshing to see my, my friends in, in there that are just so positive with me and for me, and have, you know seen some of the highs and lows that I've been through or heard my story.And now some may hear a lot more of it, but it, it was it just it's one of those things were TJ, I just feel like I always have to give everything to, to others, because I want others to be happy even at the sacrifice sometimes on myself for you know for myself well, that's okay, just save some for yourself yeah, [...0.4s] save some for yourself and what and what he's talking about, actually a lot of people do. Um, I just had a client that did this day.I had to tell the same thing is, like, so we become, [...0.6s] you know especially as, like, parents, we become the parent that we didn't have, we become if we didn't have that support, if we didn't have the love, and sometimes we become what we didn't have, so that, that broken child that you were, um, you became that for [...0.4s] your children and for others.You, you're like that for other people, like, you're a huge support for other people. That's why he is he's like the face of everybody that people know him before they know me.And that's because of the way he is. And I love that about him. But, um, one other thing I, too I also thought about because I've said this to people is, [...0.6s] um, [...1.2s] one thing I [...0.7s] have respect about you and others who do this [...0.4s] is when they've had traumatic trauma in their life.And let's say that, you know been through child abuse, alcoholism, broken families, all those things, [...0.4s] um, that is not who you are. It's just a part of your experience and it's a part of your journey in life. Um.And I actually told this to a client, um, because she kept making statements of, [...0.6s] well, my mama, I'm a child of an alcoholic.I'm a child and I was a my mom was an alcoholic. And she kept saying that over and over again, like after a few sessions and I said, hold on a second, [...0.8s] that is not your identity, but you're speaking it out loud as if that's your identity.Just like you, [...1.3s] after you put the alcohol down, and you had that clarity, and you went through healing. I noticed that [...1.0s] you stopped having that mentality.You weren't just, [...0.5s] oh, I'm, I'm you know I know I messed up and I know I'm angry, and I know I didn't have a great childhood, and I came from that started to become just a part of your story, and you started to move past it, and that's how you heal, and that's how you become you, you know who you wanna keep becoming.I was really excited for my, one of my clients is that she literally looked at me and she goes, oh my gosh, it's, I've never thought about it that way, you know and she's a lot older, nontrusive, I've never thought about, we just said that, and I'm like, now reframe it, [...0.4s] reframe that, and that's one thing I respect about you is like, you know hold accountability to yourself and say, you know what, that sucks.I shouldn't have gone through that as a kid, I shouldn't have gone through that as an adult, [...0.4s] but I went through it and now I'm gonna take what I can and I'm gonna grow from it [...0.4s] and give to others.Yep, [...0.6s] grow and go grow and go absolutely. So, absolutely, well, Brandon, [...0.8s] I really appreciate you being on the show today. I've been trying to get him on here for a while, but he has so much, he has, he could be on here again for other things, but, [...0.5s] um, I knew it would be good because he is definitely someone that I respect and I love seeing his journey. And, um, I think he could inspire other people as well.So I hope if anything you've inspired other men, other young, young men other parents, [...0.6s] other military members are so many people you can inspire because you've gone through it all, you've literally gone through so many trials and tribulations in your life. So, [...0.4s] um, thank you for coming, yeah, thank you, Brandon.Yes, thank you for sharing that, yeah, with us, of course, and the many faces, yes. And listeners, thank you for tuning in. Yes, thankthank