Fame, Addiction and the Decision That Saved My Life with Ross Learmonth

For years, the world saw the frontman.
The success. The music. The fame.

But behind the spotlight was a man slowly losing himself.

In one of the rawest conversations ever on the Endure Edge Podcast, Ross Learmonth opens up about addiction, sobriety, identity, and the painful process of rebuilding a life from the ground up.

This episode goes far beyond music.

We talk about:
- The reality behind the rockstar lifestyle
- The moment he knew he had to change
- Walking away from a 20-year identity
- The loneliness of starting over
- Running, discipline, and reclaiming control
- Facing yourself without numbing the pain

This is a conversation about truth.
About pain.
About survival.

And about what happens when a man decides he no longer wants to run from himself.

If you’ve ever felt trapped by your past, stuck in destructive patterns, or afraid to start over… this episode is for you.

This is not just a story about sobriety.
It’s a story about becoming someone new.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

We're back on the Enjured SS number one health and wellness podcast. Today's guest needs no introduction. I'm not even going to give it to him. You'll recognize his voice. It is Ross Lemmoff. Hello, hello. How's it going? Thank you for joining us. I'm so excited to have you. Um, yeah, it's been on my mind to get you in. Thank you. I've been stalking you on social media. Ross, I'm gonna start off. You you had a life that most people chase.

SPEAKER_02 0:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:29

So let's start there.

SPEAKER_02 0:31

What's the one thing we don't see? The driving. People don't realize how much of a mission it is. Like you're literally committing your life to playing 45, 30 minutes, an hour and a half sets. So you just you literally drive. I drive professionally, put it that way.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:48

That's the stuff that I don't see.

SPEAKER_00 0:50

And I'm sure now being solo it's still the same. Yeah, it's even worse. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:53

I mean, I was driving a lot in the band. Now it's like explicitly me, just driving. But it's uh it's all right. It's um um mind shift, pretty much, put it that way. What's broken with this rock style life? I think the uh there's a lot of time to kill, so there's a lot of like time to sort of hurt yourself, I suppose. And like there's a lot of yes men around you. There's it's sort of like a perfect cooking pot to uh be a bit of a problem, you know? So I think that's the main thing. You got a lot of time to waste, especially when you are on the road all the time and you've got a tech rider, you know, it's just there you go, sir. Please drink up and carry on.

SPEAKER_00 1:32

Was there a moment where you thought, I don't change now, things are gonna end badly?

SPEAKER_02 1:36

Many, many moments. It was actually many moments. I was on uh a lot of magic mushrooms, and I was sitting on a beach with a friend, and he said to me, You're gonna die, man. And uh that was when I was smoking a lot of cigarettes back then as well. I used to chain smoke cigarettes, and he said, You're gonna die of cigarettes, and uh, I don't want you to do that. So eventually that helped me quit. So sort of the the like a freak-me-out time, but it helped me sort of give up cigarettes as well. But uh there's been many times when I've realized that I'm going too far.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

I want to speak a bit about identity. So you spent over, is it 20 years inside of a band that created an identity? Yeah, did you ever feel that you disappeared inside that whole identity?

SPEAKER_02 2:19

Sometimes, yeah. I mean, 23 years, you can sort of there's a lot of compromising and there's a lot of uh going with the flow, kind of or like I think I used to drink to also kill frustration and uh depression and all those kind of things. So I think whether it was coming down to the band, it was just yeah, there's a lot of that kind of having to move yourself and then you do you do sort of forget yourself sometimes, lose yourself sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 2:43

But what what point does partying stop being fun?

SPEAKER_02 2:47

Oh man, it when it's just sort of it's all you know. So it's sort of more of a it's like a a reaction rather, like you just suddenly realize you're at a place again. It happened to me so many times, but I'd be so drunk and I'd realize like, how did I actually get here? I have a gig tomorrow, or I've still got to go do a gig now, you know, and I I would just end up it's sort of just became that whole thing. And then you also have to reload, you know what I mean? You're so hung over and whatever, so you have to re-up and be able to do the shows again. Does it become survival? Yeah, definitely. Yeah, I remember the vodka Red Bull tours were my my sort of close to the end across Germany, and it was uh my road manager was actually hiding my vodka until at least 12 uh for soundtracks and the Germans are very like strict and whatever. So I was getting quite annoyed. I used to quite have quite a few fights with him. Eventually he would bring out the vodka, but no ice, and I'd hate drinking without ice. But uh he was tricky and everything like that. But you eventually learn that you you're in a rhythm that is just yeah, it's not good for the art in the end.

SPEAKER_00 3:48

Did it become something you need and not wanted?

SPEAKER_02 3:52

Yeah, pretty much, pretty much. It's sort of I think more of a thing that I uh it used it helped me to sort of gauge the situation so it was like my EQ. So I realized that that was my part of my fun. It was also how I got to move on and how I like sort of made myself feel that way before the shows or before dealing with people because I'm quite introverted, and I think that can really help you get out of your shell.

SPEAKER_00 4:15

So we use it as an excuse. I talk for myself, let's drink to celebrate. Yeah, but a lot of time it's about escaping something. Did you have to go through that journey to figure out what was it? What am I trying to escape?

SPEAKER_02 4:29

Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of self-the shit thing that no one talks about in getting sober from booze is uh obviously the lot of time on your hands. Like it's not really a thing people talk about, but there's a lot of thinking time as well, there's a lot of time to face yourself and realizing what the actual problems were, and when you can actually see there's something bigger at hand that like you never maybe you didn't mature enough to figure out how to handle a certain situation or there was something quite serious in your past or whatever. And I think having to deal with those things is quite hard. I still, I mean, I'm five years sober, and I still, like even this morning, had a this had a bad day. I'm having a kind of a bad day in my mind, and it's sort of something you have to just go through, but it's never, it doesn't necessarily get any easier sometimes. Like, you know, you think about well, maybe I could just go and have a drink, you know. But it's uh if you wait that just that few minutes more, there's always something better, I promise. That what that's I'm telling myself that as well.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

No, and that's right. And I actually had a podcast before this, um, and we were talking about bad days. Yeah. Um, and he also he's like, I'm gonna give a strip example. I missed T on myself this morning. Yeah, and he's like, it's a neutral situation, it's not a bad day. Yeah, I'm not having a bad day, it's neutral, it's fine, and I love the way he explained that to me. True story, yeah. Um, so we're gonna make your day get better. So let's and I'm sure talking about this will just make your day a lot better. Sure, because it's good to talk about this thing. Good to let it out, yeah. So let's get to the turning point. When did you decide to stop? What made you decide to stop?

SPEAKER_02 5:58

It was, I mean, it was many, many times. I stopped for like four months, and then I would go back at it, I'd stop all the time, I'd be talking to the right people, and then I just realized I was saying the same thing all the time. But then I also realized the biggest thing for me is I started to forget everything. And I was forgetting shows, friends, places, lyrics, um, just everything. And I was the whole point was just to what's the point of it if you don't remember anything? So my memory was a really big part of it. And then my dad moved in and my mom moved in with me in COVID, and my dad's a Scottish, we Scottish guy, and he kept saying, Hey, Fatih, how you doing? Hey, drinking, and then even for my dad, who's a big drinker, to tell me that I was drinking too much was was kind of a thing. And I think it was sort of around that time that my girlfriend went outside and I saw her working out, and she never pushed me to do that, it was something whatever. And I looked out the window and I just had a chat with the band and I looked like shit, I felt like shit, and I thought, let me just go and train with her. And I went outside, she looked at me like I was crazy, and I said, Can I train with you? And I think I lasted under nine minutes, and I swore at the world. I I I think I had tears in my eyes. I was so frustrated and angry that I couldn't even lift like a 5k weight for over five minutes, and yeah, that that was the beginning of it.

SPEAKER_00 7:12

You obviously had to confront a lot of hard truths. Yeah, but what was the hardest truth you had to confront when you started this journey?

SPEAKER_02 7:21

I think that it's up to you, obviously. You know, that's uh it sounds a bit like oh yeah, it's up to you. Of course it is. But I think you gotta really you gotta fix it yourself. Like there's a lot of times when you're blaming a lot of people, you you can put a lot on others, like it's their fault or these kind of things, but in the end you own it all. It's all yours. Even the the stuff that you couldn't control, in a way it's yours. You gotta own that. So the hardest part is owning your I think for me was just realizing that I had let a lot of opportunities go. I had not saved money, I hadn't let I'd let a lot of friendships go. And yeah, that was a hard one. I think out of all of it, the friendships one is difficult and uh realizing you're hanging out with the wrong people, but also just trying to fix that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:03

What scared you more? Quitting alcohol or meeting the person without it?

SPEAKER_02 8:08

Both. I think when I first went to I went to rehab years ago, and uh I went there for a day and then I I left there and I just went and got mashed up. I just couldn't face it. And I remember she said to me, You are so square to get to admit that you have a problem and to stop. And it was terrifying to realize that I had I couldn't even say that I I I felt I needed to stop. I thought, nah, I'm gonna have to stop completely, just a little bit. And then when I left there, it it was kind of it sort of sank in quite a little uh quite a lot that I I think there was more to the story when I realized okay, there's maybe more to this than just drinking. Um so yeah, that was then.

SPEAKER_00 8:47

Did you go to meetings? AA meetings or no, I didn't go to meetings.

SPEAKER_02 8:53

I have been very fortunate, and I think AA meetings are amazing. I'm a firm believer in a team, and my girlfriend who was drink my drinking buddy, she was like my biggest drinking buddy in the end. We realized that we could really, especially during COVID, we could drink well together. Uh but we decided to stop together, and I think that was one of the biggest things. I I I couldn't have done it without her. Uh, there's been so many days when I would have broken it or I would have not trained or whatever. So she really uh yeah, this yeah, she's too amazing.

SPEAKER_00 9:23

So you guys quit together.

SPEAKER_02 9:24

Yeah, we were five years together, and it's it's been amazing. It saved us, it saved a lot of things.

SPEAKER_00 9:29

Okay, let's talk about what helped you do this.

SPEAKER_02 9:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:32

I saw a post which was close to me. Running saved my life. Yeah, man. Gambling addiction. If it wasn't for running and my friend Michael who got me into running, sure, I probably would have been at a robot or have committed suicide. Sure. Okay. Tell me about that. Where did that physical discipline come from? How did it happen?

SPEAKER_02 9:48

Well, that was one of those things of facing it again. When you start running, it's one of those things, you realize your edges. I always talk about that in songwriting and music, but you realize your edge as a human being and you go, that is not very far. I don't have much depth and range as a human being in terms of my exercise. So when I started running, I was just running around sundowner, and I would do like one block and I'd throw up and I'd spit everything. It was disgusting. And I I realized how to talk to myself. Running taught me how to talk to myself a lot better. I'm still not great at it, but running really made me realize that there's another player in my mind. There's someone else there that I can control and I can better. And especially while running, you front you can front that person a lot more and uh that other player, you know. So for me, I learned how to talk to that player, and running just changed everything. I started running in the mornings. This was before I started the boxing thing. I was happy to not do any of that. Um, but the running was great. I felt like a ninja, like getting out of dark, you know, and I always wanted to do it. I remember lying in bed, hung over and like imagining myself running or doing something like that. So I think there was always like a draw to it, but uh I finally did it, which was the most amazing thing. And I started running in Westcliff, which was a horrible place to start running, yeah, but amazing. It really helps.

SPEAKER_00 11:04

Up and down the stairs.

SPEAKER_02 11:05

One thing I haven't enjoyed is I've I'm I'm still injured a bit now, so I haven't run in a while. And that's something you start to miss. You know, when you can't run, it's it's horrible.

SPEAKER_00 11:13

And you know you're a runner. When you when you can't run and you miss it, you know you're a runner. If you ever doubt it yourself if you're a runner, you're missing it, you're a runner. Definitely. What's the furthest you've run?

SPEAKER_02 11:23

Uh furthest I've run is I did the first day of the Pondo. So I did about 40 kilometers. Okay. And it's my nemesis now. That's a 103-kilometer race. Uh over three days on the the Wild Coast, and the money is uh goes towards conservation, and it's really amazing. So if you ever get the chance as a runner to do the Pondo, uh, because you run you're swimming through rivers and it's it's hard work. Uh I realize the the the quality of good Vaseline. Uh, you got to rub that everywhere, especially if you're swimming in salt water. That stuff will glow in the dark after running. But uh yeah, the Pondo was the first I've ever run, but it's my nemesis and I will do it. And I hope to want to do the ultra version.

SPEAKER_00 12:03

Okay, awesome. So you like the trails?

SPEAKER_02 12:05

I do. The trailers are good, they're not good for my ankles, but they're I love them.

SPEAKER_00 12:08

Yeah, and we live in Jovurg, unfortunately. Yeah. You need to move to Cape Town for those trails there. Um so movement, did it become, if it was running or lifting weights, whatever it was, did it become the thing you were dealing with that was suppressing everything? Yeah. Did it help you with dealing with all of that suppression?

SPEAKER_02 12:26

It helped with part of it. I think there's obviously a lot of work. Like I I get frustrated with like family or something when you you take into like sort of a or a friend, when you take them to a place at like a counseling or something where they need to speak about something, and then they go, Well, okay, that work is done now. Now I don't have to do anything. It's like lifting and running is one part, but there's still the hard work. You've got to realize what was the the the friends, the key elements that made you drink, what was the reasons in the big why the self-loathing, and uh what are you afraid of? A lot of it is a a fear-based thing uh for me anyway. But uh yeah, that's sort of the the realization.

SPEAKER_00 13:04

So it seems like you've done a lot of work in this four years, five years of your journey of quitting alcohol. Um tell us a little bit about that work that went into that. Was it journaling? Was it speaking to your girlfriend uh cursed? What was it?

SPEAKER_02 13:20

Uh journaling has been part of it, but I always say that you you the world wants you to tell the world what you want, you know, especially writing it down helps because if if you're confused, the world can't give it to you. You you you literally got to tell the world what you want. So that's a big part of it. Um, but talking about it, you know, I think I grew up Scottish, so it was almost like I was born in Scotland, but I was raised here. So my dad, I think I wanted to be even more Scottish, you know, and I I it was connecting with a cultural thing, uh, which I had to also figure out, you know. But uh what I've learned that like the hard work I've gone to counseling, which I didn't find as uh I think sometimes you've got to find the right person. So I'd I recommend doing counseling. I just think if they're not the right counselor, then move on. And uh just I think getting rid of bad energies and friends and toxic situations, that was a big part of it. Very hard uh to lose supposed friends and situations that you think are dire to you, like and now you look back and you go, they were they were never really, really that, you know.

SPEAKER_00 14:22

Yeah, they were pulling the energy from you.

SPEAKER_02 14:24

You were putting that on that situation, it wasn't what it was.

SPEAKER_00 14:28

Yeah, and that's a hard part to see.

SPEAKER_02 14:30

Yeah, it's like life of pie. The guy the father says you put you're putting your emotions into the eyes of the tiger. Yeah, and that thing's looking at you and you're going, Oh wow, look at the emotion in it, but it just wants to try you.

SPEAKER_00 14:40

So straightforward question, back on the running.

SPEAKER_02 14:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:44

Did discipline save your life more than what music has done for you?

SPEAKER_02 14:49

Definitely. I think discipline, it'll make my music better. I think music, I was like a almost like a I'm a street kid musician, yeah, self-taught, touring from a very young age. So I was in a band from a very young age. So it was kind of like do this to not do everything else, you know. Kind of the discipline wasn't there as much. So this whole thing has been it's still a big journey on discipline and trying to figure it out and get over bad days and you know those kind of things. But it's definitely made music better. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:18

There's something about choosing suffering. You've seen it with the running, I've seen it when I do comrades. Do you think suffering can give you something that that addiction could never that your addiction couldn't give you?

SPEAKER_02 15:33

Yeah. Yeah, there's a perspective with with the intentional suffering. Yeah. Well, I think in the when you run and you suffer or lift, or you know, you go through that thing and you're suffering, even the counseling is like facing that and and you're suffering. I think the the payoff is better because in the end there is a breakthrough, there is a positive. Where you're suffering with drinking, the payoff is just more misery. It's like you know, you hit rock bottom again and and again and again. So I think uh whichever suck you want, embrace the one that will lead you to a better thing if you can. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:05

So you spoke numerous of times about leaving the friends, leaving the bad things, etc. We spoke in the beginning about that identity.

SPEAKER_02 16:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:16

Being in a band for 20 years, you had this identity. What was harder? Quitting the alcohol or leaving the band?

SPEAKER_02 16:24

Oh, the band was, I think, uh, the hardest. Alcohol was obviously hard, it was years and years, but I think I realized a lot of the stuff at the band was uh maybe a cause. There was some triggers in the band that needed to happen. I don't think we properly had like a much time off as a band in a way as well. So we were always on. It was especially for myself. I felt like I I put my life on hold a lot. Like relationships and kids and those kind of things, I was 110% in to the band, you know. And I felt that, you know, those kind of relationships sometimes are not good for you. You gotta be, you know, you gotta give back to yourself. So leaving, you know, or I think in the end, the band, it was a thing where I put boundaries in place and they weren't happy with them. And it's sad when that you can't make it work like that and things and you lose people and friends, but in the end, uh then they were never really your friends. You know what I mean? That's the hard part about this whole thing is realizing people that have been in your life for 23 years, or you know, family members even, that they are not necessarily they're not what you're projecting on them. They're not doing they don't feel the same way. There's no the respect isn't there, or you know, that kind of thing. It's just sort of uh expected of you, especially your old way. So when you put boundaries in place, especially when you get sober, you start to realize and then all those things start to fall.

SPEAKER_00 17:44

Being with a band for 20 years, the same as you got a business partner, it's the same as a marriage. It's divorce. Yeah. Um how long did you know? They say a wife who divorces a man, she's thought about it a year before she actually gets divorced. Yeah. How long did you know before all of this? And did you think I need to actually do this?

SPEAKER_02 18:06

Oh, I didn't, I never really wanted it to be a s completely separate. I never wanted to leave Prime Circle. So I just for the record, when I when I uh was with the band, we had a sort of a big meeting and things would tick tricky, and I I was quite emotional. I was trying to figure out what was going on with my life. And uh I had a meeting with the band and I offered them six months and to do corporates while we figure out what's going on, and the band decided to fire me. So I didn't leave Prime Circle. Okay. So uh in that respect, that was very hard for me. Because then you sort of like, but then again, with the same with booze, when you start to put boundaries in place, you start to realize what really people are. And for them, I was just like uh an instrument. There was no respect, it was just sort of plug it in play, yeah. So a number. So it was kind of in a way, it's been cool to see that because then you start to realize what people actually like, you know what I mean? Like in that divorce, I have nothing. They I played shows and they literally just turned the phone off and they fired me, and they haven't paid me for my New Year's shows or any of my royalty. So I'm in a legal battle right now with them, trying to figure out to get my my my share from stuff. So realizing there's a lot of betrayal in that as well. So all those things is just it sort of uh solidifies the sobriety again. You know what I mean? It's like I've got to stay sober and healthy because I can't let these negative things win.

SPEAKER_00 19:23

Yeah. Yeah. And the reason for those two questions, we always get into this. Okay. I find it amazing. Yeah. To start your life over like that after 20 years, yeah, and that's all you know from a young age.

SPEAKER_02 19:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:34

Okay. There are people stuck right now.

SPEAKER_02 19:37

Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 19:37

That's where I was going with these questions. I actually don't care about the politics. Yeah. Just so that you know. Okay, so where I was getting with this is you you were part of this whole thing, and you went and started over.

SPEAKER_02 19:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:50

Take us through that journey because there are people stuck right now in their lives.

SPEAKER_02 19:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:54

And they don't know how to start over. They can't leave the the job they're at with a boss they had that they hate. Whatever. Yeah. That that alone. And then you're still getting sober in the process. Yeah. I mean, you could have been drinking to numb all of that.

SPEAKER_02 20:07

Yeah, yeah. It's uh, yeah, it's it's a huge ask. I think that's a mountain that everyone needs to face themselves. And for someone listening to this that I know that I'm sorry, it's gonna suck. It's it's a hard thing. Especially because of a lot of those those truths, like it's not even like the the the politics I'm saying is uh I bring it up as well because it is everyone will have that. There'll be a level of politics that you haven't dealt with that you're gonna have to deal with. And I think the the motivating factor is that you're still in there. You know, you've got to allow yourself to find it again and and make it a if you can turn it to be a pol like a almost a motivational thing, saying, one more day, man, fuck you, and and get angry with it and and be, you know, get back to being a kid again. That's the one thing with a running, uh, I felt like a youngster running through the fields again. There was an attachment to my younger self, which if you can try and get back, you know, um you know the the the biggest thing is just to to to ask for help as well. Like you really need to be with other people. Like it really I don't know how I respect someone who does it on their own and it can be done, but it's better with friends and family, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:14

Support, yeah. The support group, community, yeah. Community, which running will give you too. Yeah, it will, it will, definitely, yeah. Okay, so there's this reinvention. Yeah. Ross goes and reinvents himself. Tell us about that. Where are you now? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:30

So that that yeah, I didn't I don't think I answered properly on the last one. Sorry. I think that it was daunting and reinventing myself was a terrifying thing. And I had to do it because I like there's still much more to live in life. And I think the the old just rehashing the same day was sort of getting to me as well. And and you realize that there's certain things happening that just you don't feel it's fair or you don't feel it's right. So that's just gonna keep you drinking. It's gonna keep you in that space. So sometimes that clean break is the only way to do it, and uh, it's okay if you just zoom out from yourself. Realize that there's a little bit of air around a rock flying through space. You literally there is so much else going on that, like, if we can just we just micro focus on our problems, it's it can get too much. You just gotta stand back and realize that there's so much more. Uh, there's like I was sitting in Amsterdam and I was at down and my sound engineer says, you know, you can how old are you now? And I was 35 at the time. And I was really down and and had lots on my mind, dark mind. And he says, You know, you can stand up and walk that way for 35 years and be a completely different person. And it's like it's up to you. In the end, this is for you. This life is for us to figure it out, and you know, hopefully just to get the positive, the best out of it, you know.

SPEAKER_00 22:39

I think you yeah, that's that's the best thing. So going solo. What did that actually finally allow you to express?

SPEAKER_02 22:50

Oh man, it uh it was terrifying. I realized it like there was so much more to it in that you carry. Like I said it with Francois, I went for a run with Francois von Koch, who's a big inspiration to my sobriety because I went to one of his shows so bad years ago and I don't remember it, and I heard back on it. But uh seeing his sobriety and what he'd done, so I reached out to him in Cape Town and I just went for a run with him. We did a like 10 on the promenade and just talking and nice, relaxing. And he told me that once you put your name on a t-shirt, it's it's a very different thing than putting a band name, and it really is like putting your own stuff. And I went to a Corin Zoyd show and she said, Oh, Ross, it's very brave what you're doing. And only then did it really sink in that I was going solo. So it's been daunting. I played to three people in Bloom when I, you know, and no one showed up at a couple of the shows, and I think everyone just assumed it would be easy, and and it really hasn't been an easy road. It's been expensive to do the stuff and you know, make the albums and uh to do it on your own. But it's the the reward has just been so beautiful to see. Okay, there's four people in bloom now, there's five people on it, and it's growing. So it's been amazing to see and to get onto big tours now and play the goo goo dolls, and it starts to pay off, you know, and then it's just a beautiful thing.

SPEAKER_00 24:04

Is this version is this version of you more honest or more exposed?

SPEAKER_02 24:09

Uh both, yeah. I think honestly exposed. It's like it's hard. I love that. Yeah, yeah, pretty much, really exposed. Um, it's yeah, it's harder to hide anything when you're like this. I think you have to sort of be, you know, exposed, but vulnerable, very vulnerable for it to work. Vulnerable, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:28

Being solo, we've got a mutual friend. I saw you go to studios quite often, Mark Berling. Yes, he was mean, Mr. Mustard. He then lost the name, they've now got it back. Yeah, but I remember when he lost it um years ago, Massafony spoke, and he said, going solo, bringing out some solo songs, just allowed him to do his own thing with the songwriting. I've noticed your songwriting is all about your life now, yeah, all about your journey. Take us through some of those experiences. What are you leaning on? What are you taking from?

SPEAKER_02 24:58

Yeah. Well, I've always been the the main songwriter for the band. Um, and I I've always written sort of about my my life. I I sort of that's that that one thing that's always guided me is that when I write something, I just sort of allow that to be the guide. It's sort of I um it's almost like uh I tune into something else, you know. Uh and then I I it's like Hitchcock Alfred Hitchcock, not Alcred uh Hemingway, said he would write drunk and edit sober. So my form of that now is I get drunk on the music and I I allow myself to just just let go and then later on I'll I'll finesse and bring it in. So you can still get drunk on things, but just not alcohol. You can get drunk on love and excitement and music. So I try to do that, and then uh you know the songwriting now has been very introspective. I've realized it's it's quite introspective because of the a lot of healing and a lot of stuff that I'm doing. And I've signed a deal with Rada. So Rada is a a beautiful charity against rape, addiction, drugs, and alcohol. And they uh a percentage of all of my songs goes towards them. So they put money back into re-recording young artists, into orphanages, into uh amazing things where if a woman's attacked, they can go to one station instead of going to different places where the detective is and where the hospital is. It's all under one roof. So Rada helped change my life as well. And uh, I just felt like it was a beautiful mix. I was working with them in prime, but it just became an even more beautiful thing when I went solo and sober. You know, now you can really deal with what's going on, and uh so that's been an amazing thing to sort of focus my music onto something else, something better like that.

SPEAKER_00 26:37

How important is that yes, to be successful, but also part of your healing journey to give back like a the service, giving back.

SPEAKER_02 26:45

You have to. I think, yeah, it's important that we're in a time now where the world needs it more, like uh they need help more, and if you can help, you must help. Like it it is overwhelming sometimes because everyone's asking for help and you can be like angry at the car guard or this and that, you know what I mean? But I just think it's when it comes down to your where you can is something uh it's almost like it's part of the healing process to try and help someone else. It's that that's what you have to do.

SPEAKER_00 27:10

I want to talk a bit about now. You're sober, okay? You know, haven't drunk. What have you seen differently in your brain, in your thinking, in your process, in your positivity? Tell us the benefits, Ross.

SPEAKER_02 27:24

So benefits is I've still I've gone out to bars with friends and and I've spoken to people around the world, and I'm still yet to find a profound conversation when someone's drunk. You think that someone, you know, when you drink, you're like that profound, it doesn't happen. The benefits are that you start to see the world for what it really is. And you have like this thing, it's another superpower as well, because there is a pride in it. Like, yes, you want that drink that night, and yes, your friends are pushing you, stuff like that. But the next day, when you don't do it, it's like it's the best feeling in the world. And you can, and if that friend is not your friend anymore, then it's such a truth, there's such a tell. Like Billy Conley, my favorite comedian, used to wear a brooch and they call it his arsehole detector. But being sober is kind of an arsehole detector as well, because it's when people start to push you and whatever, then you know, like it's it sort of just helps you gauge the world. Don't realize, don't feel like you're being pushed out, just realize that you're actually realizing your lane and your boundary. So the benefit is you get superpowers. You really do. You start to be your body, you don't get fat as quickly, you you're healthier and uh you you're more attentive, I think. And that's the thing, you know, you're better to people in your lives and they deserve it, especially if you've been down that horrible road. We've all been horrible to good people. So the superpower is that you can also be good to people. So there's there's so much benefit. I I was sitting uh uh at a party the one night and I was very close. I think it was like three years in to going full Monty, like full on back in. Like there was all sorts going on at that party. And uh I remember just sitting there and going, just wait five minutes. And I waited five minutes, and there was an older gentleman sat down and he'd been sober for 20 years, didn't know I was sober, and we just started chatting and ended up being like, what an amaz and that was a profound conversation. None of my other friends were having profound conversations, but yeah, so there's a lot that you benefit.

unknown 29:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:16

What's the biggest lie you ever told yourself?

SPEAKER_02 29:19

Um I think the biggest lie I've told myself is that uh pretty much you got you can you can do this on your own. I think you you can handle this on your own. And I when I I was in the band, like a lot of the time I I I did go too far with just taking the drink too far and not asking for help. So I think that that was the big thing.

SPEAKER_00 29:42

I want to get onto a little bit of a on on men. Okay. Why do we wait? A man, why does he wait so long to sort his life out? Things actually have to fall apart first. Why do we do that? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:56

I think yeah. We it's been sort of an entrained interest that you sort of you suck it up and carry on. That's that's the whole thing. Um it's almost a martyring of yourself kind of thing. I don't know, maybe you feel like you deserve it. That's probably the biggest thing is that you realize that you deserve better. Like when I was drinking, uh there's a very dark voice that I still carry, uh player one, player X, or whatever. But uh you have to silence that voice as much as you can, and it's gonna be a constant fight and run. But uh that little man, I can't. But that little fucker will also talk you down and stop you from helping yourself and and go, Well, it you you're so bad to your family or your friends, you need to help them. You don't deserve it. I think uh realizing that you deserve more, put the oxygen on yourself first and then save everyone, you know.

SPEAKER_00 30:47

What does strong actually mean to you now?

SPEAKER_02 30:50

Oh yeah, I I really don't care anymore. Like, strong for me is like uh opinion really means nothing. Like before, I think I was so caught up in that. You know what I mean? Like I'd get negative press, or a friend of mine would be angry at me. Like, I and I care more, but I care less now. So that that's the best way to put it. You know, like it just doesn't affect me the same way, but I care more about the stuff that I care about.

SPEAKER_00 31:14

What does freedom feel like to you now that this is not on your shoulders anymore?

SPEAKER_02 31:18

Yeah, it's great. It's a great feeling to not have that burden. I went for a test the other day, and like I'm the healthiest I've ever been, and I was sitting listening to it, and I don't allow myself to get excited about things. I think it's maybe a musician thing. Like someone will promise you, oh, you're gonna get that gig or you're gonna sell these albums. And uh I don't allow myself to get excited because I've been turned down or like hurt so much on that kind of stuff, which is sad, man. You need to be excited about things, so don't listen to that advice. But uh what was the point where you asked me there? Sorry. Your freedom. Yeah, and now that everything's off your shoulders, yeah, yeah. That feeling of uh yeah, where you can just go and and it's it it's not the burden of all these other things on you. It is an amazing feeling. Amazing. How much weight did you lose, by the way? 35 kgs. Wow, and how in how long? In about a year and a half, two years. So I was fluctuating a lot as well with uh you know the back and forth eating. Sometimes you just crave and you eat, but consistently just went down with lifting weights.

SPEAKER_00 32:20

Okay, I was gonna ask that now. So you said you were fluctuating a bit with the eating. Yeah. So how much of that do you think was losing weight because you stopped booze? Or and how much was it what diet? I'd say 70% was booze. Okay, so overweight men out there that are drinking, then they can't lose weight. If you stop booze, you're gonna lose it.

SPEAKER_02 32:40

Yeah, yeah. So it's without a doubt. You do nothing. You literally sit there because you're not hungover, you don't eat badly the next day. You don't, I mean, you're drinking thousands and thousands of calories. Uh, and then you also don't eat badly because when you drink, you want to make bad decisions. You want you crave more bad stuff. So that in itself, if you hate running all this stuff, then do that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:00

Ross, are you proud of the man you've become?

SPEAKER_02 33:02

I am, very much so. Yeah. It's uh a journey that I'm enjoying taking. Uh it's sometimes it's a hard road, but it's definitely worth it.

SPEAKER_00 33:10

Ross, men, um and mental battles, if it's because of alcohol, drugs, gambling, whatever it is, um, there's this thing that we we we we we want to numb our pain when we when there's things going on, if it's relationships, work, whatever, and we think we need to go numb our pain. Other than exercise, what else could we do?

SPEAKER_02 33:39

Yeah, well, a big thing is it's um you have to sort of clear your mind and allow yourself to figure out who you are, because I think a lot of the time it comes from self-compare, you're comparing yourself to a lot of men in your situation, men, women, but like I think maybe it's a manly thing, like trying to compare to other men and where they are in their lives and how they are with their families and whatever. And I think guys do that quite and we all do that as human beings, but I think when you're comparing yourself to others, uh especially when you've been messing around, you know, you've been like you've been drinking and and you've been doing those things where you've been prioritizing that later on in life you realize where you've messed up. You realize I didn't do savings, I didn't, I didn't look after myself, and he's looking better for his age and all these things. You you you could just it's not it's never too late to turn that back. It's never you gotta realize that it's I I was over 100 kgs and I was really, really unhealthy and unhappy. And uh I turned a lot around, you know what I mean? There's a lot of things you can do, and I never thought a million years that I would lose the weight or be able to stop drinking, smoking. I I definitely I knew how I was gonna die. Uh and I was prepared to go out like with a bang. So I just think that to stop your besides like health, don't compare and try and um broaden your horizons, try and learn something else, you know. Like it's okay to to be more and and and just evolve. Because I also was just like this about music. I I haven't learned to do much in life. I'm quite a simple guy, and it's been interesting learning to do little things, you know, like just extra little canva here, a little bit of accounting, a little bit of social media. You know, it's it's good to do. Just take because you will have time on your hands, so get that, use it wisely.

SPEAKER_00 35:22

Suicide for men are the utmost high at the moment in this country in the world. Do you ever have suicidal thoughts going through this?

SPEAKER_02 35:30

Yeah, I wrote a song called Ghost, and uh it was another love song, and I was in the studio, and I said, I don't want to write another love song, I don't feel like writing a love song. So that night I went to uh I was in Cape Town and I was staying at the hotel, and I went to the parking lot, sat in the car, and it was a storm. That was the worst storm, and I literally wrote a suicide note. Um, and that became the song Ghosts. Been living with the ghost, and the ghost is me. And it was sort of like uh an emotional thing, but it allowed me to sort of write a suicide note in a way, like and I set myself free better to burn out than fade away. And I I wanted it sort of helped, and and since then I've heard a lot of people write in and say that song helped them, which that to me, besides someone singing along with you, is sort of the best thing you can hear. Is that a song helped because it helped me? So definitely suicide and dark thoughts has been a massive player. That's where player X is, that person, and they are yeah, they're quite fucked up. Mind my French, but that voice can be there. Don't worry about your friends. So I think a lot a lot of the the mental stuff is is on that, you know. You gotta, you know, I I I I was in dark place for quite a while.

SPEAKER_00 36:41

I know you say friends, family, talk to people. Someone's stuck in that dark place thinking they want to end it all. What advice do you have for them? You wrote a song that helped you. Yeah, not everyone can write songs. What else in your mind?

SPEAKER_02 37:00

You know, I I I always say, like, I've lost a lot of mates like growing up, especially in school. And uh like guys I thought were gonna be in bands with me like forever. Like, but they they just couldn't get out of that negative voice, and like music didn't help them, nothing helped them. And I think it was you guys, and I think those people that that sometimes I think you just feel more than the world, you feel too much sometimes, and the world is a really messed up place. And I don't blame you sometimes for thinking that dark, and but there is like there is people going through so much negative stuff that are smiling, that are like they've been through so much, they're not but they they managed to get out and get themselves in a wheelchair or face this deteriorating thing that they have in their lives. And when I saw it with with Kurt's father, he died of cancer, but he fought for every single day. Like every single day. He was in agony, but he fought for every single day of his life, and you can only respect that. And and you've got to fight because tomorrow will be better. It guarantees it will be better because you will be better yourself. You just gotta allow yourself to be a fan, you know, and uh and realize that there's other people out there that are facing possibly probably way more worse things than you, and maybe just don't think about yourself so much. Maybe go and look at how they are dealing with what they're going through and go, you know, I actually maybe I can help them, maybe I can help someone else.

SPEAKER_00 38:27

I was actually gonna ask, do you think we're too self-absorbed in our lives?

SPEAKER_02 38:31

Yeah, I think sometimes with addiction, you it is very self-absorbing, it's a very into yourself kind of thing. And uh if like that's why running's a good thing, because it stops you from thinking for a bit in a way. You think about oh, I'm gonna die, oh, watch out for that car, oh my lungs. But you're not thinking necessarily about your problems as much. And when you are, it's it's kind of a cool focus. I wrote a lot of music that way, and I figured out a lot of truth while running, you know.

SPEAKER_00 38:58

That is awesome, yeah. Yeah, and running has saved so many people's lives, it's just crazy. Yeah, um, yeah, and I guess sport in general, and not just running, but yeah, being self-absorbed. I I thought about it the other day, actually. I think personally myself, yeah. Like during addiction, we're so selfish. Yeah, it's all about us, us, us, us. Yeah, then we get sober and we decide, okay, we're gonna stop gambling, we're gonna stop taking the drugs, we're gonna stop drinking, whatever. Um, and then it's still about us, us, us, us, us.

SPEAKER_02 39:29

Yeah, the difference I think is the second time around, it's for the benefit of everyone around you because the better you are, the better you'll be for them. And when it's us, us, us in the negative, we're focusing on the wrong things and yeah, it's their fault and the family's fault and whatever. So yeah, when it's us, us, us, and it's and it's the work, it's a very different outcome.

SPEAKER_00 39:49

You speak about cursed being part of this journey. Yeah. And if it wasn't for her, I know for a fact with my wife, Samantha, same thing. Yeah. Okay. I want people to understand that are while we're listening and watching this, that and I I we do forget about the person, about the person on the other side.

SPEAKER_01 40:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:09

Cursed in this case, Samantha in my case. Yeah. Um, we do forget actually what they're going through. Yeah, you know, and I know you and Cursed quit together, and it was this whole journey and everything, but for a lot of other people, I've just stolen her ring and I've sold her ring at the pawn shop to go gamble and she's still with me. Yeah. Or um, yeah, we've lied for years and years and years where we were every night, or whatever it is, and that person has to deal with that. Um, how important is it for us to remember our partners?

SPEAKER_02 40:40

Uh massively. And you know what? I think it's you gotta let the cards fall where they may, because like in my case, it was the band, and those are sort of my partners and everything, but a lot of things had to happen, unfortunately. And as much as resentments that I have and angers that we have with each other, there was something that all of us I think were feeling that needed to change. It was, you know, is a long time coming, I suppose. But you know, uh the other people in your lives are so important that it's sort of sometimes maybe allowing them to know the truth will set you free. It's that freedom, it's a very different kind of freedom. It's not like you got your license in 16. It's the freedom of of guilt is a massive thing. And yes, there's consequences, but I kind of think we know when we did those things, we knew the consequences as well. But um, yeah, it's not always easy, but you gotta I think the freedom in truth is is a beautiful thing, and you know, hopefully the healing can happen, you know. It's some things are too, but it's you just gotta allow it to happen and and allow them to at least know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:43

Ross, I want to ask a question. If you don't want to answer it, you don't have to. Yeah, we'll edit it out. Yeah if you became sober before leaving Prime Circle and found this journey, would things have been different?

SPEAKER_02 41:57

Uh no, I think the fact that I became sober was the reason why we sort of had to part ways. Okay. I think it was a major part of it because I was realizing where sort of th liberties were being taken, and I was realizing where I needed to put boundaries in just for myself. And if you put boundaries in place with people and they don't accept them, they don't, then they're not for you. It's the same as a price. When you put a price up and see people can't afford it, that's not your customer. And like my sobriety and my boundaries were everything to me. And I needed them to understand that and everyone to understand that. Like I never had boundaries before. I would take it on the chin. It was like, okay, we'll just go whatever, whatever, have another Jagermeister. Um, but I think when you get sober, those boundaries there. And I that's I think one of the major reasons why I have been successful in going sober and uh being a solo artist.

SPEAKER_00 42:48

Yeah. Boundaries are so important in everything in life, relationships, your workplace. Yeah. In your case, it was your workplace, but it's so important, and we forget about those boundaries there.

SPEAKER_02 42:58

Yeah, it's massive. It's uh sort of the cornerstone of who you are.

SPEAKER_00 43:01

And like you say, if you don't accept those boundaries, you're not for me.

SPEAKER_02 43:05

Yeah. Life is too long, you know. Everyone goes, life is short, but life is long, especially when you're living with regret or uh uh living with a hangover or uh living with uh resentment. That's a very long time, you know. And to be honest, we're gonna be dead for a long time, you know. So you might as well live these moments, you know, with the best, man, with fire. And I think people take us for granted, you know, people who have been in our situations, maybe, you know, and I love that. So people must take you for granted because you're gonna come, and especially when you realize your power, it's a beautiful thing.

SPEAKER_00 43:41

Closing question If someone out there is stuck and they're numbing their pain with booze, what can you say to them?

SPEAKER_02 43:51

Uh if you got a friend, reach out, but uh, I'm talking about uh someone who's prepared to maybe walk that path with you, you know. Uh you have To ask for help and if it's not a friend, join a club. Okay. Don't be embarrassed. It's more embarrassing to lose a life, man. To to lose just a quality of life. I think get out there and and make some friends with some strangers in in terms of running club or go lift weights or go and find the art. Go find things, like go to galleries with friends, go to positive things and start doing things. Like I used to see all my friends and we'd only drink. And now like I invite them on hikes and we paddle and we go for volleyball or whatever. Like, and it's so much more fun. Like you start to realize there's a lot more to them, you know. Like you actually start to find out about your friends. If you really love them, uh you're gonna stop and actually just ask them a question rather than just like when are we getting the next drink in? So I think that's the best thing is just use your time wiser, ask for help every single chance you can. It is not embarrassing. Like send me a message on Instagram, and but like uh help is everything. I couldn't have done it without Kirst and my family. That's a fact.

SPEAKER_00 45:05

It's amazing. You're an inspiration to me. Sure. Okay, you walked away from a life that doesn't serve you. Sure. That alone, I know what that takes. That alone takes so much courage. Thank you. Um yeah, you didn't get to the rock bottom stay. Well, rock bottom is different for everyone, yeah. But the the bad, bad, bad. Another guest of mine said you get to rock bottom, you realize there's another basement. Um but yeah, you managed to walk away from that life that didn't serve you. So you're an inspiration to me. Thank you. I can't believe our time's up. And I was up already. That was crazy. Thank you, Ross. Thank you for being here. I really appreciate you. And we're gonna have you back again and we're gonna clump deeper into these things. Love it. Um, thank you so much. We're out.