Shadow & Light: Healing Journey with Reiki Master Jaap

In this deeply moving episode of The FitZen Project, host Rachel Fitzpatrick sits down with the radiant Jaap—Reiki Master, Kundalini teacher, and intuitive healer—for a conversation that flows like ceremony.

Together, they explore the sacred dance between shadow and light, the courage it takes to live authentically, and the power of returning to the self. From their serendipitous meeting at the Kentucky Yoga Festival to the soul work happening at the Church of the Sparkling Unicorn, this episode is a tapestry of healing, humor, and heart.

✨ What you’ll hear:

• Jaap’s awakening at 33 and the unraveling that followed
• The role of breath, movement, and ritual in everyday life
• Healing through community, creativity, and divine timing
• How shadow work and light work are both sacred
• The beauty of being a householder on a spiritual path

This episode is a warm invitation to return to yourself, to honor your story, and to remember that healing is not linear—it’s a dance between the divine and the human, the mystical and the mundane.

🌀 Whether you’re navigating your own transformation or simply seeking a moment of grounding, this episode is a reminder that your story is sacred—and you are already home.

The teacher referenced: DeAnna Clark King

CotSU - Church of the Sparkling Unicorn:

https://www.ecstaticdancecolumbus.com/about/about-cotsu

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:02

All right, welcome back to the Fitz and Project. I'm your host, Rachel Fitzpatrick, and I have with me someone extremely special, Jop. We have had some just crazy... cross paths cross hairs of being in the same place at the same time but it was almost like the universe tried so hard to keep us apart until it was meant to be in the perfect time right so i find that like so incredibly special like everything in my body is tingling right now and I am just so happy to have you here, Job. Me too. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, well, welcome. So a little bit about Job from what I know is that she is this magical healer. I really think she was set in my life to bring out the most audacious experiences that I could possibly have on a soul level. And I felt that. through the Kentucky Yoga Festival. We were in this Kundalini class and you led it. And it was just magic because I was there with my partner and I just like, you took out all of this toxic energy I just craved to hang on to. And then you let me bring in all of this amazing love. And we did this row. Exactly. Right? Yes. Yeah. So Chop, tell us, tell us about your story.

SPEAKER_00: 1:44

My story. Well, I want to touch on the you and I connection and how we had spent time in the same places doing the same things, but it just wasn't ready yet. And that day in the tent when we went into that class with the Reiki share, even before the Kundalini class, And I was feeling a pool and tension and like, I don't want to stay for this class. Like I could go and sit back at the 10 and snack and do all of those things. But something was telling me to just stay right where I was like nestled in the corner of that tent. And then you walked in and laid your home out in front of my home. And we were just, we were just together and we were just at home together. And it was, It was a really beautiful experience. So thank you for bringing back, back to me, a person who provides that to others, bringing that back to me because it's so important for the healers to be healed, to be taught. We, you know, we're, we're always in a level of, of, of learning. Yeah. And, and you really, you really taught me under that 10, Oh, that is

SPEAKER_01: 3:06

so special. I don't even remember her name. I just remember her energy. And I feel like that's probably more important. She was there and she provided this like container for us to explore other people's energy, but together and safe. Right. So you I was like, I've never done this before. And for me, I'm a hands on mimicker. a learner. I don't read piano music, but I can play the piano if you go first. Right. No. Right. So that's me. And I wanted you to do that for me first. So you did the Reiki healing and oh my God, we went to another dimension together. It was like, it was a catapult

SPEAKER_00: 3:59

to a different plane. It really

SPEAKER_01: 4:02

was. I was so vivid

SPEAKER_00: 4:04

and colored and And just all of the people around us that had never experienced being able to give and receive energy in that way, but being just gently guided by– the woman's name is– I think her name is Dina– I have friends with her. She's a wonderful teacher in Kentucky as well. But she was just– it was just wonderful. I'll

SPEAKER_01: 4:31

have to look it up, and I'll put it in the show notes when I find her. Yeah. There you go. Because I've got the magazine. Yes. There you go. There you go. whole thing like

SPEAKER_00: 4:59

we're we're all so our hands are so healing whether we're attuned to the energy or not we all have the ability to channel it and and to use it for good

SPEAKER_01: 5:07

absolutely i got cold chills again this conversation is already fire i feel it in my bones i feel it in my bones so you're reiki master

SPEAKER_00: 5:21

I am. Yes. Yes, I did. I did get my master. I think it's been five or six years now with my master. I never intended to get the master. I was like, I don't need that. You know, the master level, blah, blah, blah. You know, I'm not I'm not trying to attune all these people and have these master classes and all of that kind of stuff. But I was finally just called to get the last like plug in of that energetic, you know. weaving or whatever that is. You know, I think it's a little different for everyone who uses it.

SPEAKER_01: 5:52

Yeah. I've heard other friends of mine, they get the master and it's never for other people. It's always for themselves and not just, and like, but your presence alone is just like for other people, you know, because you know how to clear yourself and you know how to be in alignment. Then all of a sudden everybody else around you is like, safe and calm and feeling this like non-chaos situation going on and they're allowed to be in alignment it's a just your presence is creating this like safe container of people it

SPEAKER_00: 6:28

when you when you get to a place where you've you've kind of had the ability to um understand that it's not your energy it's this energy that you're channeling and it's this divine love energy so that that by itself has the ability to refine and polish, you know, the places that you're stepping into the places that you're, you're working in every day, just, just by itself, you know? So,

SPEAKER_01: 6:53

yeah, I love that. You said it's not your energy. It's this divine calling you're pulling in. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just going to write that down. It might go out in my email subscription list. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00: 7:06

It's yeah. I think a lot of people a lot of times get really bogged down with a lot of the energies that are around them, but with small amounts of knowledge that are easily attained through listening to people like yourself talk or listening to other people talking, it's so easy to be able to mute and neutralize our energy and the energy around us just by listening. holding small ceremonies and we can do that by taking a breath in and taking a breath out. And that by itself is a ceremony, you know, like, yeah, it takes a lot to recognize just one breath, you know, it

SPEAKER_01: 7:50

just one. You don't even realize that either. Like, because you're just so on this, like, I don't want to downplay normal life because that is just, survival mode and it's like sometimes they're so intense but to stop and recognize your thought or I just thought that or a breath just for a moment like this tiny little moment that's maybe the only shift you need

SPEAKER_00: 8:23

yeah

SPEAKER_01: 8:23

that

SPEAKER_00: 8:24

could be that one that one up and down can then change the forecast of your entire day

SPEAKER_01: 8:33

mm-hmm

SPEAKER_00: 8:34

Absolutely. Oh,

SPEAKER_01: 8:36

I know. Yes. So powerful.

SPEAKER_00: 8:39

But it's so easy, but it's so easy, but like, but life, you know, we're householders at heart, right? Like if we had, if we had become renunciates and we had, you know, taken ourselves up into the mountain and sat in the temple all day long where there was nothing to do, but breathe and meditate and do yoga and, and live in all that lavish divinity all the time. Of course, we could be renunciates and we could be in the breath all the time, but we've chosen to be householders, which means that we choose this life. We choose the good. We choose the bad. We choose the normal. We choose the divine. We choose all of it. So we have to be in moments of awareness and then moments of plugged into regular life and just ticking right along because that's what we've chosen to do. So both realms are equally important for us to be experiencing because that's part of it.

SPEAKER_01: 9:36

I love, love, love. I'm just going to snap it that you just said all of that because that is exactly the whole entire purpose of this podcast. That's the whole purpose. So it's like project management for me, which is like my mortal job and like what I have to do to get Real money, get paid, do what I do. But then it's like this whole other side of me. I am totally like a yin and yang. And it is this whole other side of me of living in the divine. I don't need to go to the mountaintop. I can do that from this seat. Yes. I do that from this seat. Yes. Yeah, it is definitely a balance. And I'm balanced by nature. I'm a Libra in scales. I just... always have to have that in my life but i love that you're like yeah that's just like every one thing and it's every one thing

SPEAKER_00: 10:35

it's it's it's you know and until we until we make the conscious choice to to remove our physical body from you know this this this plane of being a household holder of like of doing both of of being able to live in the duality of both

SPEAKER_02: 10:56

And

SPEAKER_00: 10:57

knowing that you have the skills here and here, like, you know, I mean, I'm a general manager of restaurants, fine dining restaurants, and I've been working in a kitchen or in a restaurant in some capacity for the last 20 years of my life. And I'm really good at it. So like, why would I want to step away from that? Like, right. You know, people are all the time like, Oh, why aren't you just you know, why aren't you just full bore like, with your practice and like growing that side of your business? And it's like, I do that, you know, in whatever realm and capacity that I can. But if I'm so good at this other thing that is giving me the monetary funds that I need to live on this plane so that I can play in the spiritual, so that I can enjoy the divinity, like it's a no brainer to me. Right.

SPEAKER_01: 11:48

You know? Yeah. That is, I mean, it's a perfect explanation for, of like being a real person you're allowed to have like this choice of doing it's not all or nothing and i think that's like the biggest thing is because even you said just a minute ago where you were like one breath it's not all day it's one second of your day and that's all it's not all or nothing and you can continue to go i teach yoga i most certainly have been where If I don't have an hour, I'm not doing yoga today. I just now realized like probably, I don't know, six months ago that I figured out if I have 10 minutes, I can do yoga today. If I have five minutes, it is yoga at the speed of Rachel, not everybody else. Yeah. So that's... All right, podcast over. We've said enough, though. So what made you, what was your, like, click that got you into understanding this for yourself? Like, what happened with you? I

SPEAKER_00: 13:07

think that early on, like, when I was little, I was always seeking, you know, and whether that was I like outside like playing like in the creek and like seeking animals and like staying outside the house like as long as I could every day or like and then I had like a really like deep connection to God when I was a teenager and like went to church and was doing all that kind of stuff and then I started having children and you know then of course your focus changes right and you really start focusing on your children so I kind of pushed all of that seeking and all of that spiritualness that I was feeling just kind of pushed it, you know, to the backside of the heart as we do. Right. You know, because we're living for our children now or for our partners. And I was I was married at the time, two long term relationships, like 20s and 30s. Right. So like really doing the family thing. And at 33, I had an awakening and

SPEAKER_01: 14:13

Oh, that's when it happens. It's always 33. It's always 33. Mine was 33. Like it's always 30. Jesus was 33.

SPEAKER_00: 14:22

Jesus was 33. Like think about like 33. I keep just telling everybody like 30, it's the number. So I'm coming up on a decade now, almost a decade. It'll be 10 years in January that I've been on this like, crazy transmuting shifting like crazy stuff girl just like every level of the spectrum that you could possibly imagine to like wake you up has been here for a decade now right so love it you know really going back to my roots like and experiencing just like deep like understandings and knowings of like past lives and like things that i connect to spiritually and intermixing and interweaving all of this like beautiful ideology from all of these different religions from all over the world and it has just been filling me up and i found yoga at 33 like i started doing yoga at 33 just going to like a restorative class right and you're thinking oh a restorative class How beautiful, how relaxing. No, ma'am. I was leaving restorative classes angry. Like couldn't understand why I was having such a hard time being with myself.

SPEAKER_01: 15:52

Oh, wow. That's powerful.

SPEAKER_00: 15:54

You know, like, so for me, like my beginning with yoga, it wasn't this beautiful, sweet, like loving, like I found my thing. It was like, I don't want to lay here with myself and listen to these thoughts and, and, and, and, and move in that way because it's, it's opening me up to things that I don't want to feel that I can't feel right now. It was, it was uncomfortable in the beginning. Yeah. Yeah. But, you know, feeling for the first time for the first time, it made me want to pursue that because I, even though it was so raw and it was sad and there was a lot of anger and a lot of frustration that I had no idea was, was underneath my skin, like trying to just come out through my sweat, come out through my tears. Like it was, it, it, it needed to be freed. Yeah. Right. Even on the mat. Right. Like that's right. Leave it on the mat. Let it come all out. Like, you know, when you, when you let your mat out, it's like you're rolling your home out, you know? And like, it's one of the safest places you can be. I just truly feel that. When I'm feeling some type of way, you know, I still have my very first mat that I started with 10 years ago and it is my, little sanctuary in my home here, and she is beat to hell and back. She's been to festival after festival. She's missing some pieces, but when I'm feeling some type of way, I'm telling you, if I lay down on that, I think it was like$12.99 or something, you know? No way. Yes, yes, yes. I wonder if I just... Do you maybe still have your... You're a, oh, I don't know. I have one. Now I want to show, now I want to show. Yeah, now I've got to see it. Here she is.

SPEAKER_01: 17:56

Your space is gorgeous, by

SPEAKER_00: 17:58

the way. This is my first, this is my first baby. She's just, but look at this. And I remember going to my first yoga festival and being in down dog for a long time in this class and just staring at that thing.

SPEAKER_01: 18:13

What a treat. What a treat. I love that. I love that so much. Yeah. Yeah. Mine is probably some like$10 target one. And I've slid on it in a hot yoga class. And I believe I still have that downstairs. And now it's just like my workout if I do weights.

SPEAKER_00: 18:38

But it still supports me. Talk about sliding around on a mat in a hot yoga class. My goodness, that's a whole podcast by itself. How to not. You have to not bust your whole ass in a hot yoga.

SPEAKER_01: 18:55

Oh, I've done it so many times. People are like, I hate hot yoga. I'm like, you know what? It's love-hate relationship. You just kind of get in it and you endure it. And it's like ground down. The more you ground down, the better off you are.

SPEAKER_02: 19:08

The

SPEAKER_00: 19:09

space that I'm teaching in right now is, you know, it's an old church and there's no air conditioning. We are just up in the elements. And it is a hot kundali yoga class. I don't know how healthy that is for you. But we just sweat and sweat and oh, it just feels so good.

SPEAKER_01: 19:27

I'm doing it. I'm doing it. I've already decided I will be in Columbus and be there. Oh, I love that. We will get back to that because I want you to talk about your community. Oh, yeah. Yay. Yay. Yay. When you were going through this change at 33, was there something specific? Like, was there an event you went to? I specifically remember an event I went to and I was actually... 32 when I went to the event, I turned 33 that year and everything changed. What was your, is, was it an event? Was it just like a process is a slow grade?

SPEAKER_00: 20:08

Um, for me, I, uh, so at 33, I, you know, had this awakening, right. And, um, I also came out, uh, um, as, you know, being a pansexual at the time, I was like labeling myself as pansexual, like in love with people for their souls. Like, so I didn't really like have like this, like gender, like, um, like hard line at the time. And then that just like kept kind of like morphing into like the idea that, oh, I really love being with women. I really love the connection. But so I was married to a man at the time and, um, You know, that was, that was a little tricky. And that's, you know, a whole nother world of life. But I started dating this woman who was a yoga teacher. Well, she was in school to be a yoga teacher. And she started taking me to yoga, like, so like that, that's, it was this huge, like shift of like me finally, like, coming out and telling my family that I, you know, was attracted to women and I had always been attracted to women and had been attracted to some of my friends when I was younger and like was trying to figure that out and just, I don't know. So that was like a whole nother like chapter of awakening and opening up, but.

SPEAKER_01: 21:28

Yeah. But what courage that takes in, in this kind of day and age and being like, in your thirties. Okay. So you're in your thirties. So you're raised where that's still kind of, you know, I mean, yeah,

SPEAKER_00: 21:43

like there's the, you know, like the, the family, this is what the family was told to me as what it was supposed to be. And, you know, so I assimilated into that life for, you know, 20 something years, you know, just really, doing all of the things that I thought that I was supposed to be doing. And I enjoyed doing those things, but there was always something missing, you know, and, and I've been, I've been living out and, and in, you know, lesbian relationships with women for, you know, seven years now. And I feel more connected in that realm. And that's what really fills me up. Like I know now, you know, and it's like, it's like, I admire the kids these days, you know, to like say it like an old lady, you know, like, like, you know, the 17, 18 year olds that are like out and are like, they know, you know, and it's like to have been that young and to have known then like, but then my life would not be what it is today, you know? Right. Right.

SPEAKER_01: 22:50

I think there's a whole element there too, where you spoke against tradition and And without naming the word tradition. And, and I, I feel that on a lot of personal levels for myself, where I spoke against tradition, having a child out of wedlock. I mean,

SPEAKER_00: 23:17

That's some heavy tradition, you know, and, you know, the country that we live in, you know, it's just a very heavy tradition here and with everything. So, like, kudos to you because that's, I mean, women were, you know, shipped off and sent out of towns and out of families and into, you know, deep levels of poverty for doing less than that. So, I mean, you know, less than 50 years ago. You know, like, so we think about how far we've come with the ability to have ease with our choices and how we have evolved in our understandings of what is important and what is not important, right? Right.

SPEAKER_01: 24:05

But I did that at 33. And had I done that at 23... Mm hmm. Yeah. Yeah. We need to be self-fulfilling, self-pleasing, all of this, like, fill me up, as you said, on our own soul first, so that then we can people please by showing people what it's like to live in this harmony. And that's where it's at. That is where it is at. Yes. Yes, preach, ma'am, preach. That's so courageous, and it's so inspiring for real-life people. I know a person who is near and dear to my heart who went through almost the exact storyline you've got without the children, and I saw it firsthand how it affected her but bloomed her. Like this lotus straight out of the mud. Like, how did that feel for you when you just were like, this is me and I'm standing here in front of you? Love it or hate it?

SPEAKER_00: 25:58

It felt like me for the first time. You know, I never really had an understanding of what me was until I was able to really live in my truth in that way.

SPEAKER_03: 26:10

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00: 26:12

and I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. Anybody that would listen, I was ready to tell you. Listen to how proud I am of myself and how I'm continuing to live this life that may not be what my family may see to be as normal or what they feel is right, but I'm so comfortable with my own truth and my own knowledge of what makes me happy that everything else just seems to kind of fall away. I love that. I think a lot of us are raised in very codependent atmospheres and such is the state of survival. We lean in because we need to be sheltered from something, right? And that people pleasing stuff comes from, from, you know, like all of that kind of stuff too. Just a waking up to like pleasing yourself first. And then once you start to please yourself so much, you don't have time to please anybody else because you're just pleasing yourself then. Right. So.

SPEAKER_01: 27:25

Yes. And I think like when we are in this, I'm here for me. We're breaking these generational chains and we're getting these ancestors. My grandma's, for example, would... love to have had my life to have a child without having a man tell you how to raise it. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, how great would that have been? But, you know, and it's just, I'm, they're up there cracking up and I just know it or they're around me cracking up and I just know it and I can feel it. And they're just like, do it again, do it again. It's like they're cheering me on. Because That's all they want. And I think at the end of the day, if the human form could get down to the core, the core of any parent where I am, and I say any parent because I just don't believe otherwise, any parent, all they really want with their children is to be happy and have this fulfilled life. And at the end of the day, if you shed off all of these other things, that's the core of it. You just want them to be loved, happy, and safe.

SPEAKER_00: 28:44

That's it. Love, yes. You know, like, and we try to teach our children, you know, we try to teach our children, but The beautiful thing about every life is there's a mission for that life, so you can guide that life and you can try to tell that life, this is the right way, this is the wrong way, but ultimately that life ends up going the path that it needs to go, which really frees up I don't know about you, but I just worry about my children all the time and just the things that they're choosing to do and what life's going to be like for them. And it can be some kind of a freeing moment to be like, well, wait a minute. You know, these children, these children, they chose this to come in. They chose to be here and they're choosing. This is, there's a direction. So, Maybe I've got maybe I can breathe a little bit deeper because, you know, it's kind of on them a little bit, too. So, I mean, my children are grown now. So it's right. It's, you know. Yeah,

SPEAKER_01: 29:52

I'll probably feel that way in a few years. I'll be calling. You'll be like, drop. Tell me when your kid was doing this shit. Like, it's

SPEAKER_00: 29:59

hard, though. It's hard, though. I've got a 23 year old, an 18 year old. And like, you know, I'm still like. on the phone with a 23 year old last night because she's got this new job and she's trying to fill out her insurance stuff and she has no idea how to do it I'm just like she's like what does waived mean and I was like I love that Oh God. Oh, we love them until our death. You know, we just do. Absolutely. It's just part of it.

SPEAKER_01: 30:35

Oh my gosh. That is great. So back to you and your highlights. So you come into this and you're in this realm now and you figured it out and you've done the work. You've done the outing and you, How did it unfold from there?

SPEAKER_00: 30:58

What was the next phase? The next phase was I just went really deep into practice. It was like waves of selfless self-love were just waving over me and there was nothing that I could do about it anymore. Like I just... wanted to continue to like unravel, right? And unravel and unravel. So I was like, I got to get into a teacher training. I need to understand what is happening to me when I'm on the mat, in my breath, in meditation, in the sasana, moving through the postures. Like, why am I crying when I'm opening my hips? Like, what's going on? So I was like, a teacher training would help me understand all of Like what's going on? Like I'm a very like analytical person as well, like by nature. Like, so I needed to know. So I put myself into a teacher training and just everything changed. Everything changed with my diet. Everything changed with my body. Everything changed with the way I moved my body. It changed. Everything changed. It went, it went from, from night to, today, today, tonight, like it was so polar opposite of everything. Everything that filled me up before I knew what was happening in the way of the yoga and the breath and like the connecting in and the spiritual aspects of the practice gave me the freedom to be able to open up myself to the divinity of source, God, What have you, whatever word you use to describe that, which, you know, beyond your belief was just there again. And I couldn't deny it. I, I, I couldn't, I couldn't turn my back to it anymore.

SPEAKER_01: 33:01

Yeah. Like once, you know, you can't unknow. Right. Right. Like, you know, and you're now on an energy upgrade. You're on an energy, a new frequency plane. It's radio. Yeah. Station has been tuned, and it's not going back.

SPEAKER_00: 33:17

I feel like I've shifted and lived seven different lives in the last decade, you know? Me too. Yeah. Yeah. Seven. Seven is the number. I think I finally figured it out. It's seven different lives since at least 2019 for the majority of all people right now. Right? Yes.

SPEAKER_01: 33:40

Wow.

UNKNOWN: 33:41

Wow.

SPEAKER_01: 33:41

2019 was a big shift. So how did COVID hit with you during that time too? Because you're finding yourself during that time.

SPEAKER_00: 33:50

COVID was, you know, COVID was really difficult. So I was, I was working as, as a pastry chef, a baker at Whole Foods Market at the time. So we never stopped working. So I worked through the entire pandemic. I never, I never had a break or anything like that. Teaching was difficult at that time, you know, going from teaching to And having like 30 people in a class, like a studio full of people, like Matt to Matt to like only to like having no studio, you know, one of the studios I was teaching at, we were illegally gathering and still doing classes. Of course we were, we were keeping our distance, you know, it's not like we were, you know, but like we were all going to go crazy if we couldn't do yoga together, you know? And then my students were reaching out to me and they were like, Are we going to Zoom? How are we going to do this? In 2019, I was at the height of starting to use my Reiki as well. I had been attuned with my first level for about a year and was really using it in my classes and was growing in my understanding and my ability to wield that energy. Then COVID happened. I didn't use Reiki energy on anybody for like A year and a half. I couldn't touch anyone. I couldn't get close to anyone.

SPEAKER_01: 35:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 35:15

You know, but so I was

SPEAKER_01: 35:17

like, we were, you've got that. Like we did a meditation right before we started here, but I could feel your energy and I'm in Kentucky. So like, you've got that, but it's, but I, I'm easy. I can call it in and resonate. And it's just different as a receiver. I'm like, we could do it all day.

SPEAKER_00: 35:39

The lax in the time when I, when I was able to come back, it reminded me though, like how easy it is to just get right back on and go, you

SPEAKER_01: 35:55

know? Absolutely. So when you figured through and you talk about this weave and I love that you're like, it's a weave and nothing is just like linear. for you, for life in general. And I love that that's how you live. Like that's like, that's the magic bean for you. For me, nothing is linear. And if you've got, if you think we've got a really solid plan for five years, it's just not real. It's a good idea. We'll see how it gets there. But that was five years ago. And now you are where you are today. And like, What's this like now?

SPEAKER_00: 36:41

Um, it is, it is, um, I mean, wow. I don't know. Okay. So, you know, there are, there are parts of my everyday life that are everybody else's everyday life, right? I'm paying my bills mostly late. You know, I'm, I'm working 50 hours a week. Like, grinding, managing this crazy high-level restaurant, blah, blah, whatever. But there are other parts of my life that feel, wow, otherworldly sometimes. And as for instance, this past May at the Kentucky Yoga Festival was my second time being in the healing tent there. And doing that style of healing work is new to me that very I've always been an intuitive healer like especially like with my Reiki energy the hands go where the hands need to go you know and I really listen to that forefront that first voice you know and I attribute that to source to spirit you know speaking to me to guide me in that way but This new healing that I've been doing that I'm that I'm transferring through is deep listening that I've never experienced before in the way of like all of my gifts really starting to turn on for me. And it was and is sometimes shocking for me to hear it so clearly. loudly, because sometimes the message is not something that people may want to hear, right? So I'm a deep believer of ahimsa, you know, no harm done to self, no harm done to others around me. So it can be difficult to differentiate sometimes what it is source actually wants me to say to people in the way of message. And that kind of stuff has been coming through a lot when I'm doing intuitive work. I had a really beautiful experience with a woman, one of the last women that laid down in front of me in the tent that the last day of the festival. And she had such a, she had been struggling her whole life to feel a feminine connect, a sisterly love, a motherly embrace. And And the mother, the spirit of the earth moved through my body and into her. And this woman wept and wept. And all I could do was just hold her and hug her. And I cried. It was really beautiful. And I don't know what that is. And I think that an older version of me would question it. But now I just believe in it so much because the miracles that I experience cannot be unexplained. Right? So I don't really know what it is, Rachel. I don't know what it is, but it's a really beautiful gift because it reminds people how loved they are.

SPEAKER_01: 40:21

That's it. It's love. I mean, it's just pure love. And I

SPEAKER_00: 40:28

think... It's beautiful. It's just love. It's just love. It's, it's, it's love that, that, that, that I even, even me haven't felt before, you know, like it's love that I need more than anybody else too. Right. Because I really think that when the gifts start coming on, it's, it's, And all of that love starts to flow to you and everything is shifting up and you're elevating and it's prosperous and you're like, that's all of that. You've sown all of this karma, right? You sowed it and you sowed it and you sowed it and maybe you sowed it in childhood and maybe you sowed it in that first marriage that didn't work out or maybe you sowed it because the relationship you have with your child isn't working out, but you sowed that karma. So the good is on its way. you know, and the good is here. Even in all of this shit that is just falling down around us in this dumpster fire of a world that we are living in, the good is here. Yeah,

SPEAKER_01: 41:37

it is. I experienced a soul experience with you and if I had to put words to it, I don't want to label you by any means, but are you even open to hearing what I have about it? Because if not, I will keep it, and I love it. I

SPEAKER_00: 41:58

would love, because it helps me sometimes understand things as well, so please.

SPEAKER_01: 42:06

I think you are a divine gift for shadow light work. And I've had both. I've had shadow work done through Reiki Energy. I've had lightworkers done through Reiki Energy. So I know what those both feel like and how to release that. When you said you're now learning how to bring in all of your gifts, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that class that i took next to josh and the women around me you wouldn't have had a line wait to speak to you for 30 minutes after that class if this wasn't what i feel to be true is that you tap in to that shadow and you tap into the light and that is such a unique gift for a person to have I speak to people with these strong gifts all the time, but this is different. This is unique because you can do the yin and yang. And I think it's especially like special for you because that's been kind of like now hearing you your whole life past, you know, like your childhood to your teenage years to your marriage to now where you are today. Yeah. even through, it doesn't make it limited, but just as example to sexuality, now spirit. And now all of this is like guided through you as a vessel to show others. Again, it doesn't have to be one or the other. And that's what I'm feeling in this whole flow of intuition right now. And I feel like that is your touch. Like you are that gift and it's special. We all have a special gift, and yours is just like a magnet to both good and not bad, because it's not bad. Bad isn't bad. It's lessons. It's teaching. It's opportunity.

SPEAKER_00: 44:12

Yes, it's opportunity.

SPEAKER_01: 44:14

Yes, yes. I love that about you. I think that is remarkable.

SPEAKER_00: 44:20

As I come up on 10 years of whatever the hell all of this has been, like, yes. Yes. The shadow, the shadow and the light is, I, I, I heard some woman talk about the shadow once and, and, you know, like when you, when you hear, when you hear someone talk about like shadow, like a lot of times people are like, Oh, it's all the things that, you know, you need to get rid of and you need to release, but no, no, no, no, no, no, ma'am. The shadow is, the shadow is, is, is, The shadow is the place where the ego lives there, right? But the ego, if the ego was not in the way of, what am I trying to say? What I'm trying to say is if the shadow was not in existence, the light would also not be there. And without the ego, the gifts that you bring to this world would not be in this world. Because you wouldn't have the courage to move forward with them. That's right. So like... Oh, he knows. He's like, that's right. He's just like, I'm just going to lay down on my mom now.

SPEAKER_01: 45:48

That's right. It's a beautiful mix. And that's just how... When you're in those moments and you're bringing that energy into that and then it magnetizes and it fills you up, of course you will overflow with tears because you are so full that it has nowhere else to go. It has nowhere else to go, but just up and out.

SPEAKER_00: 46:16

The only way forward is through. You just have to go through, you know.

SPEAKER_01: 46:19

That is beautiful. That's such a life lesson. And I love that you are diving more into that and like really exposing yourself to others to help with that healing realm. So now tell me about your community and this amazing space that you get to tap into this weekly, right?

SPEAKER_00: 46:45

I do. Yeah. So, so weekly I'm, I'm teaching Kundalini on Sunday mornings, you know the running joke around here, Sundays are the best day of the week because I teach at this beautiful space. It's a, it's an old Methodist church here in Columbus and one of the cutest little parts of town that, that I personally think Clintonville, I just love it so much. It's an open community over there, but it is called the church of the sparkling unicorn and, We have deemed it so because it is, you know, just mystical and magical and we have such beautiful things going on. So I teach Kundalini there on Sunday mornings at 1130 and the most beautiful space I've ever seen in my life with stained glass windows from floor to ceiling and hardwood floors and everything. Just can't say enough about it. I'm copying your

SPEAKER_01: 47:40

pictures from that. And I'm going to put it in my email blast for when this episode launches. And I'm going to show what that looks like. It's so pretty. I've just seen

SPEAKER_00: 47:50

pictures. How blessed, just so blessed to be just so showered with just luxury and this gorgeous space that I just get to oh, man, just hold this container and people are coming in and we're doing such good work. And it's, you know, I just can't say enough about the courageousness of my students and what they're willing to sit down with and move through. It has me in awe of them. And I bow to them and I bow to their courage. to their ability to just continue to stand in their truth with such ruthlessness all the time and show up week after week. It's amazing. It's really, it's amazing. But we do ecstatic dance there every week. So if anybody is ever in Columbus, Ohio, and they want to come shake their groove thing on a Sunday afternoon at one o'clock, please look us up. It's the Church of the Sparkling Unicorn. We have amazing things going on all the time.

SPEAKER_01: 48:56

I'm coming up there. I think this is now the 10th time I've said that just today.

SPEAKER_02: 49:02

I'm

SPEAKER_01: 49:04

making it happen. I have got to go to the Church of the Sparkling Unicorn. I mean, why not would I do that? Why not? Why not? yoga shirt today but if i were to have a unicorn on my head i would basically match it because i got on bright pink shorts yes my lipstick and i just feel glowy i got my nails done i want to go to be the church of the sparkly unicorn that's

SPEAKER_00: 49:37

where i should be right now it's where it's where you belong darling let me tell you you you do you for sure i believe that in my soul It's a really beautiful community. We're doing a lot of stuff there. We have posture trances, which is like a whole other podcast we could talk about. Like this really magical woman, Dr. Susan Jovison, to name drops. Just like I bow down to her magic. That is great. That

SPEAKER_01: 50:10

is great. Yeah. Yeah. What's really cool about our relationship is I should have said this at the beginning, but we were both at that Wanderlust Yoga Festival. Oh, my God. Yes. In 2019. In 2019. Yes. Yeah. Like you're 33 and that was my 32. Like that was my thing that was changing my stuff. I

SPEAKER_00: 50:38

mean, that festival, like that mat that I showed you, she was there. And I was in one of those classes looking in a down dog for, I felt like, I don't know, 20 minutes. I'm exaggerating, of course, but you know.

SPEAKER_01: 50:53

Yeah. Do you know if you can hold a down dog for five minutes, you can do a handstand? Just throwing that out there. Same muscles.

SPEAKER_00: 51:00

But...

SPEAKER_01: 51:01

Thank you. Thank

SPEAKER_00: 51:02

you. Some days I need reminding.

SPEAKER_01: 51:06

Tell all of my students that. And some of them are in their 70s and 60s and 80s even. And they're like, lady... I am past the need of wanting to do a handstand. I'm just trying to get off the damn floor.

SPEAKER_00: 51:20

Well, well, and how many times have you been in a class and the instructor throws you into a down dog and she's like, or they're like, Oh, and you, and now you're resting. Like, excuse me, ma'am. I am working very hard down here, ma'am.

SPEAKER_01: 51:39

That's me. I'm like, just put it in your head that this is rest. It's fine. We'll move

SPEAKER_00: 51:44

on. in a minute you better take your breath now because this is the here we're resting now

SPEAKER_01: 51:57

that is great so yeah Wanderlust was the first passing encounter that the universe was like not today ladies and then Kentucky Yoga Festival 2024 first time yes ma'am we had a little bit of a passing then And then this was the year that this was the year we were like, yeah, the divine was like, you will meet and you will love each other and you're going to stay connected for forever. So it was, it absolutely was. So now you get the, I mean, I get, we get to honor each other in this beautiful space at the retreat in October. Yes. Yeah. Oh my gosh, I'm so excited for you to bring this and just like give it to us on our mats while we're in the middle of the Red River Gorge in the fall foliage. And we're going to be working through this shadow light. And I cannot wait to receive all of this. I'm so excited. So that's another opportunity to meet into this space.

SPEAKER_00: 53:09

Yes. I've just been telling everybody about the business of yourself and like what a beautiful statement that is. And just like how masterful you are, just like creating such a wonderful experience for people. And I'm so excited. just like i cannot begin to tell you like how giddy i am like childlike excited i am to come and teach and experience on my mat as well like it's a wonderful opportunity for me to grow like we're always learning like there's always another like there's always another level of to attain you know in the way of like understanding yourself you know just when you think you've got yourself all figured out like there's another opportunity that comes along that says here's another layer, you know? And those layers can be the shadow or they can be the light, but you take both of them with like, just thank you, with a thank you and a level of gratitude because you get to discover another part of yourself.

SPEAKER_01: 54:10

Absolutely. This, I'm glad you said that because it resonates with me on one more thing is this past cancer season has been very much shadow work for me personally. And things that happened to me five years ago during COVID specifically and during pregnancy specifically, and it was just a lot of heartache and a lot of like remnants are still in my body. And I get, I've had the opportunity to really sit down with that this past few weeks this full moon and just be with the woman that I was as the woman that I am today and I have not got anything but love for all of that like it's just been an amazing time to have this shadow because I've been in light work like all of June I was in light all of like the beginning of the year just in light and now I'm coming into this like shadow piece and I'm so excited because I do believe by the time October comes which is that special that's a special weekend because it's my birthday

SPEAKER_03: 55:29

and

SPEAKER_01: 55:30

I made it that way specifically to be a gift we get to celebrate your birthday too I know I know so I'm like yeah I'm, I'm going to be ready for this. This is just the energy coming this way. I just, I don't have words yet. Right. It doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_00: 55:54

Language. Yeah. Right. The language just can't, it can't like even begin to describe like the immenseness of the feelings and, and, and, and everything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 56:07

Yeah. So my love, I am excited for you and continuing this work. And I am excited for me to come and experience that. Yeah. August 2nd, I'm coming up there. I've already decided. Let's go. Yeah. Like this hour. And yeah. What we're going to have in October is totally separate. I just talked about the love I've got going for that. But you as a person, you as an individual, you, Jop, are just amazing. And I feel like this community and everybody listening to this podcast just got an energy upgrade just by being here and pressing play. There's no doubt in my mind that we're not on a new frequency now. And I'm just going to ride this wave for the rest of the time that it wants to carry me because it feels... amazing just being in this space.

SPEAKER_00: 56:59

I feel the same. I am so grateful to be able to connect with you and just multiple people. The energy that we're feeling now is different than we've ever felt before. And I think a lot of us are feeling it now even more. Even when we thought we were aware, we're even more aware now. We're feeling things even more than we were feeling them before. And And, you know, you were talking about like working with the shadow and like in this cancer season and everything and how beautiful that this new energy that's like filtering in is giving us the room to be able to, to greet that stuff with a level of graciousness that we never, we never had room for it before. You know, we never had room to be able to like look at stuff in a way that, that had less shame, less guilt, you know, like, but it's, Like we can look back at stuff now and be like, wow, like I really was doing the best that I could do. Like I just, yeah, I was just, wow. I was really doing a good job, like with where I was, you know, like, and it's those kinds of feelings now instead of like, I can't believe I did that, you know, like, but that's the kind of energy, that's the kind of energy we're working with now, you know, and that's the kind of energy that is available to us.

SPEAKER_01: 58:20

Yes, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00: 58:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 58:24

Man, you take me to church every time I tell you

SPEAKER_00: 58:28

what. Absolutely. Sometimes people are like, can you say the one thing you said when you said, and I was just like, and I'm always like, I have no idea what you're talking about because it's just like, it just like comes in and it goes like that, you know? Right. It's just, sometimes it's funny because sometimes I wish that sometimes I wrote some of the shit down that I say because I need a damn reminder of it a lot of times when I'm like going through this life and I can't take one more thing and then that one more thing in my day comes along. And I'm like, right. If I, you know, but then, but then something's like, why don't you just take a breath or some shit? Like, why don't you just like,

SPEAKER_01: 59:17

my God, my son tells me that. And I'm like, you know what? You're right. You know,

SPEAKER_00: 59:24

grudgingly

SPEAKER_01: 59:25

like, okay, fine. Oh yeah. So the other day you were talking, I got to talk to you and we were talking about the, one third and I was going to have you bring that up but now I'm like I think you just have already said it in another way but it is what you were just saying how we are in this energy now and we are doing this but like then there's this one third that just is not and that's okay

SPEAKER_00: 59:59

too it's okay because it's divinely timed, okay? Like, we're, you know, pushing almost 30 years, like, if you want to, like, round it up, right, into the Aquarian Age, where, you know, what I was, like, discussing the other day, the Piscean Age, that was, like, 2,000 years of time, was us as a people, as these souls that have migrated into these earthbound, like, forms, right, We've moved from the Piscean Age where we were trying to figure out what it was we needed. We didn't know. We didn't have any idea. We tried all these different methodologies. Look at all of the things that have happened over thousands of years of evolution and still trying to figure it out. But the Aquarian Age is different because it holds the ability to give you the energy that you need to know what it is that fills you up. Know what it is. that you need so that you can prosper, so that you can bring abundance in, so that you can feel gratitude even in times of turmoil,

SPEAKER_01: 1:01:10

right? Right, returning to that self.

SPEAKER_00: 1:01:13

Yes, returning

SPEAKER_01: 1:01:14

back.

SPEAKER_00: 1:01:15

Yes, it's a return back to yourself. It's understanding that all it is that you seek, all that you love, all that you know, all that you see that is bigger than you is all here. It's all right there. And it's an understanding. It's a return to that knowledge right now. That we are the divine love that we yearn to feel like wash over us, right? Right. We are what we seek. Yes, we are what we seek. Yes, we are that. Yes. Yes, ma'am. And so this third, that a third of us will ascend. and ascend you some people have these these notions these whatever ascend in the way of returning back to yourself and then living for the highest part of you which will then ultimately shift you away from those that are not ascending up into that self yeah right so that's for me that's how I formulate that understanding um a third, a third die. And I attribute that to, to, to the COVID epidemic that came about. Um, and just all of the other, you know, terrible, you know, things that are happening in the world today. Um, and we send love, we send peace, we send peace. And we do that through our awareness. Every time we take a breath, we're sending out peace, like, because we're being aware and now we're in our highest self. And then that is rating out, radiating out the good, right? Like, And a third will go mad, you know, and like what what's what's to be done about that? You know, we see the madness around us every day. We choose to take in what we can transmute back out in the way of peace. And we choose to deflect from our physical bodies, deflect from our energetic realm, that which makes no sense to us because it's all we can do. Yeah,

SPEAKER_01: 1:03:24

absolutely.

SPEAKER_00: 1:03:24

I

SPEAKER_01: 1:03:25

believe in that. because i see it and i am aware to all of that and i i know people in each of those right yeah like each of those categories and i love all of them and yes and where they're at and that doesn't i don't think mean that the ones that um are still with us that go mad never reach to the other side or go into full comprehension of this ascending as you call it. I do believe that that is always available. It's always open, but you have to be available first. Right.

SPEAKER_00: 1:04:08

Right. And

SPEAKER_01: 1:04:08

that's the key.

SPEAKER_00: 1:04:10

You know, we're meeting people where they are and they're meeting us where they are. And that's all we can do. That's just our best. You know, it was something I always say to my students when we're moving through a difficult emotional moment or physical moment, just do your best. That's all that is required of you right now is just do your best.

SPEAKER_01: 1:04:34

I love that. I don't think we could leave this with on a better note. I really don't. Just do your best. Just do your best. You're just here to serve your highest good. Yes. That's the end. That's the end. That's the end. I love you. Thank you so much. I love you too. I cannot wait to see you in real life.

SPEAKER_00: 1:05:03

I just have deep respect and admiration for you, darling. And you are just really... in your Seva and you're really just, oh God, just walking so divinely in the purpose. So just keep, keep fluttering your wings. Just keep doing it.

SPEAKER_01: 1:05:17

Thank you. I'll receive that with all my heart. I appreciate it. Thank you.