The Lesson Was Never the Wedding

A couple of weeks ago, I married the love of my life.

But this episode isn't really about the wedding.

It's about what happened in the weeks leading up to it.

Between my son's graduation, teaching at Kentucky Yoga Festival, a surprise incentive trip to the British Virgin Islands, work responsibilities, travel plans, and wedding preparations, I found myself doing what high performers often do: trying to make everything fit through effort, sacrifice, and control.

What I didn't realize was that life was teaching me a different lesson.

A lesson about receiving.

In this solo episode, I share the breakthroughs that happened before I ever walked down the aisle, the unexpected resistance that showed up when things started falling into place, and the powerful realization that wanting something and receiving something are two completely different skills.

We explore:

• Why high achievers often struggle to receive good things
• The hidden connection between worthiness and effort
• How control can keep us from fully experiencing life
• The difference between manufacturing an outcome and trusting the process
• The signs, synchronicities, and moments of presence that made my wedding day unforgettable
• What it means to become available for the life you're asking for

If you've ever felt like you had to earn every good thing that comes your way, this conversation is for you.

Because maybe the next level of your life doesn't require more effort.

Maybe it requires more availability.

Remember: You are your most important project—not because you need fixing, but because the way you lead yourself determines the life you're available to receive.

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Transcript

The Lesson Was Never the Wedding

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Okay, hi! Hey! If you're new here, welcome to the Fitsin Project. And if you're not, you already know we don't play small around here. I'm Rachel, corporate project executive Ba Day, yoga teacher and retreat host Bob Passion, and a woman wildly committed to helping you stop outsourcing your power. This show is where structure meets goals, where we regulate the nervous system and scale the business, and where we stop pretending burned out is normal. Quick love to the humans and brands that brought this show, and I actually use all these in real life. Rage Create for bold creative entrepreneurs, Lotus and Luna, Lifeform Yoga Mat, and Breath Work with Tabitha De Bruit. She is a game changer. Links are in the show notes. Support the ones that support this work. And alright, let's get it, let's talk about today. Hey guys, welcome back. I'm so happy to get to be recording this episode. Actually, I don't even know what this episode is going to be like yet, um, which probably means exactly what it needs to be. So I'm just gonna roll with it and go with it because it's been a while since I've uh run on my episodes or podcasts, but today, today's today. Today's today. So here we go. All right. So a couple of weeks ago, I married the love of my life. Yes, yes, yes, which I think most of you already do. But uh, before I get any eye rolls or anything about this is gonna be a wedding episode, it's actually not. Um, at least not really. Um I've been sitting with this since June 2nd, and honestly, June 2nd really almost has nothing to do with any of this. Like June 2nd was the day that I got married, and you know, it was gorgeous, obviously, flowers, dresses, vows, pictures, everything. Absolutely perfect and arrival. But um really where I'm going with all of this is uh yeah, there were breakthroughs. There were big, massive

Worthiness, Effort, and the High Achiever Trap

SPEAKER_00 2:24

breakthroughs that happened weeks leading me up to my wedding day. And I don't really realize, or I didn't really realize the depth of all of it until I don't know, perhaps now, today, this many years old. I don't I don't really know. I I know it's been adding up, and I know I've been converting it in real life as to what's been going on through my email subscription, and um but the people that get to read my emails every week have seen this in first hand. So you'll know where I'm going, but I'm tying it all together. But the breakthroughs happened like six weeks or so leading up to my wedding, and I genuinely believe that the wedding was simply the test to what had been going on, which uh I'm trying really hard to put all this into words. So um let me just back up a few things. Um my identity before becoming a wife. I've I'm a project executive in corporate America, right? Um I was a single mom for a few years until I met Josh. And I'm a yoga teacher, right? I'm an entrepreneur and a podcast host. So I think you could could say it's probably safe to say I've spent a lot of my life figuring things out, right? Making things happen, carrying things, other people's problems, my problems, solving problems, uh, being super dependable. And oftentimes, I just want to tell you, as a high performer, talking to other high performers, we often confuse that worthiness means more effort, right? Like if if it's important, you work harder, or if it's valuable, you sacrifice. If it's meaningful, you better earn it. If something bad happens to you, you deserve it. If something good happens to you Do you deserve it? Yeah. Right. It that's been the theme of 2026.

Kentucky Yoga Festival, BVI, and a Collision of Commitments

SPEAKER_00 4:54

Right. So as a high performer, I've definitely fallen into all of those traps of worthiness is equal to effort and important. It is work harder and valuable, you sacrifice, meaningful, aren't it? All th all those things, right? I am the walking-talking tombstone of all of it. And um it it hit really hard with all of that too, because that's an identity. And those are things that you shift, or once you realize that's your identity and you try to live without some of these um what is it called, toxic positivity traits, then you have to learn a new identity and understand that the new identity is um making space for a more authentic you, a more authentic version of yourself. So let me just tell you how this went out for me. So um in uh schedule timeline, you know, backing into how my wedding actually showed up on June 2nd, weeks 90 days before that. Let me just go there. 90 days before I was um invited to go to the British Virgin Islands with my job. About uh 30 days before that, I was invited to teach at the Kentucky Yoga Festival. And as you all know, I do that as often as I possibly can. That is like my thing. I love the Kentucky Yoga Festival so much, and this year was no exception. So the cool thing is, is I had already accepted my teaching spot for the Kentucky Yoga Festival in January, and the Kentucky Yoga Festival was uh May 15th, 16th, and 17th. And in February, when I received my invitation to the British Virgin Islands, I had no idea what dates they were. All I knew was how I was teaching at the yoga festival in the middle of May. I am going to get married June 2nd in Ess Park, Colorado, Rocky Mountain National Park, and uh was going on a honeymoon thereafter. That's what I knew to be a fact when I got invited to the British Virgin Islands. So what also I knew to be a fact, but didn't really take into any consideration at all, was that my son was gonna have his preschool graduation. He has his own life. We have a birthday to celebrate in between. We had a spring break trip to celebrate in between because like I made a commitment a long time ago that I was always gonna go on spring break no matter what. Like something, you know, he gets days off, life's too short. I'm making it happen. So we did. So adding in all these like little uh pieces of the breadcrumb, so they were all starting to collide, right? About probably mid-April, first part of April, and then definitely hit like a sledgehammer come May, and then into June 2nd. Okay. So what I mean by all that is I found out the exact dates and stuff and when the British Virgin Islands trip was gonna be, and they said it was May 18th through um the 21st. And I was like, oh my god. Technically, it's not part of the Kentucky Yoga Festival, but I also have to account for travel to get down there. So I had the option to um schedule an extra day um before or after or any any amount of any time. And um, obviously my mom and I were like, she was the person that I took to go because um just other reasons. But anyway, we were like, yeah, we would definitely want to have an extra day down there. Why would we go to the British Virgin Islands and not have a day just for ourselves, right? So I'm like, cool. Well, make it happen. So in the midst of uh planning for the Kentucky Yoga Festival, my son's graduation, our spring break trip, and wedding preparations that seem to never stop, I um am also thinking that I'm adding on an extra day to the British Virgin Islands trip. And because, you know, that's super valuable to me and meaningful to me, and I needed to sacrifice something in order to accept it, because that was a pure gift from work that I did that honestly didn't really feel like work at all. It just felt like another day uh to wake up and do something that I like to do. Like I didn't really even feel like it was work. It's just stuff I like to do, you know what I mean? Like I'd got a job that I like to do, and I'm done feeling guilty about it. So I'm just like not going to. But I felt like, you know, because I was now awarded this trip and a job that I really like to do. Well, I needed to sacrifice something that I really love, which meant my Kentucky Yoga Festival. So I thought, yeah, I will totally take a day off. I will leave right after my class on Saturday, which means we will leave at 2 p.m. on Saturday, make it to the airport, to then fly down on Sunday morning, first thing in the morning, to then have the extra night to relax and everything before the festivities of the work trip began. So that's what I had in my mind this whole time. So, in order to make all of that happen, I had to um talk with my mom, who was also part of the Kentucky Yoga Festival trip with me as she was a coach there. And we were gonna take her camper, and I had to talk with her and let her know, you know, don't bring the camper because we're

Theo's Graduation and the Story of Sacrifice

SPEAKER_00 11:55

not gonna be there that long. Uh, we're only gonna stay one night. So don't bring the camper. It's okay, it's fine. And by the way, we'll have Theo just stay with my dad or Josh, and that he'll be fine. It'll be okay. It's just one day. So anyway, we cancel our camper situation. And before that, I realized Theo's graduation is May 14th. So the Thursday before all of this stuff went down. So when I was telling you like it's all colliding, it literally all collided in the same exact time. Then it was two weeks before I said I do. Okay. So on May 14th, that was Theo's graduation. May 14th was the day we were supposed to originally go down to the Kentucky Yoga Festival. So I was going to sacrifice that day for his graduation, which was perfectly fine. It wasn't a sacrifice at all, it was just what we do because I'm his mom and he was graduating and it was absolutely perfect and wonderful, and everybody cried. And I was like, Oh my god, my baby. But anyway, yeah, I get the drift. So this isn't about Theo at the moment. So he graduated from his preschool. We were only staying one night, had mom be like, Yeah, I canceled the camper, and boom, let's go. Well, I didn't, it was about a week or so before we left for the Virgin Islands, and I reached out to my work people, and I'm like, So I don't know where my itinerary is or anything like that. I I know I'm leaving on Sunday, but I'm not exactly sure what time or what flight or whatever. Just wanted to pop in and check in and see what else going on. And they're like, Oh, Rachel, uh, we don't have you leaving on Sunday, we have you leaving on Monday. And I immediately panicked. Like, what? And they're like, Yeah, you're leaving on Monday. So, yeah, I was like, whoa. Well, this rearranged everything in my mind, and not for the better. Like, I feel like it would have been a good relief um to

The Real Lesson: Learning How to Receive

SPEAKER_00 14:16

realize like I don't have to actually sacrifice my one extra day at the yoga festival. And it should have been like a relief to realize like I wasn't actually needing to go and prepare and plan and control my gifted trip. I was not in that mindset at all. As a matter of fact, I was very much feeling a lot of guilt for having confused my days. I was feeling a lot of FOMO for not having an extra day in paradise before all the shit show gets to happen. I was feeling disappointed or fearful really for disappointing people and fearful of trusting the process because now I had to rely on my flights on Monday morning to get me there in time for the celebration dinner Monday night. And that felt like someone was just wrapping their hands around my throat, like I was choking out. So I was like, oh man, this sucks. Like I lost a bit of sleep over this for real, because when I realized all that was going on, it took me up into writing my email to my collective. When I realized what all was going on, it wasn't that I was truly struggling with the scheduling part. I think I was really struggling with the receiving piece of it all. And I'll tell you, because receiving that requires a whole different type of identity, uh, outside of the one that I shared already that I had. And I and I mean that in its full form, like to be able to receive, right, like you have to truly trust and uh surrender and um you have to allow the present moment without the the need to control it. And honestly, that's so much harder than the hustle, you know? That's so much harder than the hustle. Like I was being asked to receive a gift of a beautiful trip instead of manufacturing the outcome, you know. So I had to sit with this for a minute. Like, you know, my son's graduating on the 14th. The 15th, 16th, and 17th were still fully available for the Kentucky Yoga Festival. I still had off work all of those days. And the 18th, I could just fly down to the British Virgin Islands and participate in my work trip as planned by then, and all I had to do was receive it all. I didn't plan the Kentucky Yoga Festival, I just showed up to be there. I didn't plan my son's graduation, but I just showed up for him to receive that beautiful moment. I didn't plan this Virgin Islands trip. I was just invited to attend and to show up. And with that, all of these things that are gifts, you know? Huge gifts, life gifts. And uh truly, as someone who preaches and practices presence often, this is a never-ending lesson for me, is being present and enough to receive, enough to surrender, to trust, and allow the process over and over and over and over and over again. Because there is actually no end game for it.

From Fixing Everything to Trusting the Process

SPEAKER_00 18:46

It's uh like really like it's a season, right? It's a season of your life. And that's just so happens to be my wedding season. So I love this this topic so much, and and I love learning this lesson. I really did thoroughly enjoy learning this lesson and this lens of how I viewed my life in those moments building up to June 2nd. Because even coming back, for example, from the British Virgin Islands, the next we had a such a time with our flight coming home that we didn't actually get home until um Friday. Friday afternoon. And then Monday was Memorial Day, and then I only had to work three days to then be gone for my wedding adventure. And those three days of work were extremely hard coming off of a pretty big, what I would consider vacation, and then moving into another pretty big vacation. It was like one after one after one. So being asked to receive that gift instead of manufacture the outcome is a big deal when you're talking to um a lifelong fixer, you know, that's me. Or someone who has to control the timelines, which is me, like the activities of the house, which is me, you know, like all all day, every day. So when I was forced to receive and I realized what a gift it was, I made it my mission moving into my wedding week that that's where my mind was gonna be 100% all the time. And this is where the true bliss of the magic happened, and I can't really put it into so many words

Colorado, Presence, and the Magic of the Moment

SPEAKER_00 21:09

because a lot of it doesn't even sound believable. I'm telling you, it was so real and so true and so freaking magical that it's hard even for me to fully fathom and believe that this was this is my story. So when we get to Estes Park and we're in our cabin and the families are all staggering in at different times, it allowed us to have those one on one moments with the families that came, which was wonderful. Oh, so wonderful. And it was a great segue and build up into June 2nd. And some of my favorite moments was just the early. Morning hot tub and watching how the day begins. And my son would get up early with me and we'd sit in the hot tub together. I would have coffee in the hot tub because it was also like 60 degrees outside because we're up in the mountains. And it was just truly phenomenal. And then on the wedding day, like I kid you not, you know, we're driving in, me and my dad, aside from the moments of making eye contact with my parents and putting on this beautiful magical dress and feeling like a star seed, a star soul, like I felt like a million bucks. And aside from seeing my mom and dad for the first time, feeling like I felt and having that total energetic overflow, driving into the scene into uh Beaver, Beaver Meadows, Beaver Creek Meadows, is where we got married in Rocky Mount National Park. There was a golden eagle that flew over my dad's truck, like just soaring with us as we were driving in. And then when we parked, you know, I got out and I could hear a tree owl. And I'm like, wow, this is magical. And then in the pasture behind where we were actually saying I do, there was a whole herd of elk just laying and grazing in the grasslands. And the magpie birds were all out in the area where I was actually walking down. And there were two of them. They're black and white, which was like yin and yang, you know? And they were like mating and having fun and doing whatever, just playing around the whole entire time, like in the scene. And then as we arrived up to Josh, there was a grasshopper on his shoulder. Like, what is this life right now? Like, there's a grasshopper on his shoulder. Which to me, I mean, if you know me, you know, you know that this means everything in the world to me, right? And it was just so damn magical. And then after we said I do, and we were about to take our pictures and stuff, we got the lightest kiss of a sprinkle of rain, and then it ended. And I mean like maybe five minutes, and it was nothing but a divine gift, and I'm sure of it for as tall as I am, and as much as I say, that was the most divine gift, and that's what I was meant to learn how to receive. And then as we were leaving, it gets even better. There was this family of turkeys that were walking down, and almost like they were escorting us out. Like there were like 10 turkeys and these big, huge gobble things. You know what I mean? Like they had some big old gobblers on their neck and some big old feathers totally spread up wide. I mean, it was just so freaking cool. And I'm like, Uncle Mitch, do you see those turkeys? You know, like because he would he would freaking know. He's a turkey hunter from way back. But anyway, it was a total snow white story. But the point, the point is I was finally present enough to notice it all. And

Are You Available for the Life You're Asking For?

SPEAKER_00 25:47

I wasn't in control mode because I do believe had I been, I would have missed every single bit of it. And that was way far too magical to uh sacrifice and honestly, how the disappointed would I have been if I didn't get all of it because I wanted all of it, I was there for the full entire moment, all of it, and I didn't want to miss a second. And it was even cool because even at the reception where the food was absolutely divine, it was even amazing there because there were black-tailed deer in the yard at the reception that we were at. And when we walked outside, it was just like the fattest bunny, just like hanging out and playing with us in our pictures. It was just bizarre. Like it, it was like the earth just kept on giving. And there were so many signs that just validated marrying Josh, being in this whole entire season and accepting it with my full entire self. And when people would ask me, like, are you excited for the wedding? Are you being excited for the big day? When we were out in Colorado, I was like, you know, I'm just really happy to have this exact moment. The wedding is gonna be what the wedding will be. But this moment is the here and the now, like it doesn't get any better than this. And it honestly it didn't. So want to um think about this for a minute, right? Like this is such a big concept, it's a small concept, but a big concept to apply, especially if you are like me, like a recovering toxic, positive person, right? I just made that word up, title, but you know, just add it to my list of identities. But like, how many things are we asking for here? Like for real, for real. Like, are are we asking for love and success and opportunity? Well, like that well one day I'm I'm gonna have peace and purpose. I mean, think about it. How many how many times do you ask for these things? And then when they arrive, like what happens? What do you do? You tighten up, tighten your grip, like I did, you know? Start feeling that fear, that FOMO, that oh my gosh, I gotta sacrifice something, I gotta work a little bit harder, I don't deserve this. Or are you actually available for the life you're asking for? Because that's

What the Six Weeks Before My Wedding Taught Me

SPEAKER_00 28:43

where it's at. You know, because wanting something and receiving something, they're two totally, completely different skills. And I'm the first to tell you if you haven't heard it before, and I hope it's the one time you actually listen to that. But wanting something and receiving something are completely different skills. Think about that, you know? I don't think my wedding taught me how to receive. I really don't. I think that the six weeks or so, ninety days, whatever, what have you, that time period leading up to my wedding, that life experience, that season, I think that's what taught me how to truly receive so I could actually experience my wedding. And that's legit. That is the real deal. So maybe the next level of your life doesn't actually require more effort. You know, I'm gonna believe that for me. You know, maybe it requires more availability. Because I know that's true for me. So, I'm gonna let you know, like I always do, you are your most important project. Not because you need fixing, but because the way you lead yourself determines the life you're available to receive.