Laughs without Lager

The Courage to Say "I Don't Drink"

• Ali and Meg

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Ever wondered when to tell people you've stopped drinking? That seemingly simple question leads us down a fascinating rabbit hole of social expectations, personal growth, and the unexpected gifts of sobriety.

As two women with over seven combined years of alcohol-free living, we've navigated countless awkward explanations, invented excuses, and eventually found our authentic voices. From Ali's clever "one-year no beer challenge" deflection to Megsy's podcast revelation, we share the evolving ways we've announced our sobriety to friends, family, and even potential employers.

What's most striking is how society demands explanations from non-drinkers while never questioning those who drink. This double standard reveals alcohol's powerful grip on our culture, even as both of us discovered something revolutionary: all those qualities we credited to alcohol—being funny, creative, confident—were actually within us all along. Alcohol wasn't enhancing our personalities; it was masking them.

The transformation from FOMO (fear of missing out) to JOMO (joy of missing out) marks a pivotal shift in sobriety, as does the realization that we didn't "give up" anything valuable—we gained ourselves back. Through personal anecdotes ranging from hilarious misadventures to profound moments of clarity, we illustrate how sobriety unveils our authentic selves and reconnects us with our true values.

Whether you're sober-curious, newly alcohol-free, or simply interested in understanding loved ones who don't drink, this conversation offers both practical guidance and heartfelt encouragement. Ready to explore the freedom that comes when you no longer feel compelled to explain yourself or pretend to be someone you're not? Listen now, and discover what awaits on the other side of drinking.

Contact Us:

https://www.meganwebb.com.au/podcast-1


Ali

insta: https://www.instagram.com/idontdrinkfullstop/


Meg

website: https://www.meganwebb.com.au/

insta: https://www.instagram.com/meganwebbcoaching/

bookclub: https://www.alcoholfreedom.com.au/unwinedbookclub

Connect AF: https://www.elizaparkinson.com/groupcoaching

Speaker 1:

Hey Ali, how are you going? Hey?

Speaker 2:

Megzi, I'm great, thank you, good to see you again. Good to see you too.

Speaker 1:

So, since last time, we've had a few people write in, and the one we're going to look at today is someone asked us when did we tell people that we were stopping drinking? Like when did we tell our friends and family, and what did that look like? So, ali, do you want to kick us off with that one been drinking? Like when did we tell our friends and family, and what did that look like? So, ali, do you want to kick us off with that one?

Speaker 2:

sure I um, so I'm coming up four years, um, but you know, but still, I mean, look, I've just started a new job and in fact in interview I said to them that because I do on-call work, it's like oh well, I don't drink so I'm available anytime in, you know, doesn't worry me, mate. So that was basically telling them that I'm sorry about it in the interview. Then, you know, actually, a couple of people at my job like a beer, like everyone else in the world, and yeah, they were really kind of curious to sort of see what that was looking like. Um, obviously I didn't say I was a total, another trash bag, but um, just, yeah, just um, when did I tell? So I guess now, inadvertently, I tell people because I'm so fucking proud of myself that I don't drink, but at the first sort of year, I'd say my immediate family being the youngest of seven, a lot of my brothers actually drink, the sisters weren't so big a drinkers. So I was you know pretty much as my mum described me the wild child, the party.

Speaker 2:

I was on a podcast and the guy said that I'm a what was it? Party girl in a pair of pants. Oh, my god, here's this dude from America and I was like, yeah, I quite like that, because I was a bit of a you know, uh ladette, but um, yeah. So I remember going to a friend's 50th and I was only well, I would have been maybe not even a year, and shit, I um, yeah, I said to um, her other friends and her family, I said, look, I um don't drink. I'm doing doing a one-year no beer challenge and that just stopped everyone in their trap. So that's how I got out of it and I think that's, you know, there's no because I'm too old to be sorry, I'm pregnant. That ain't going to work, even though I may have a muffin top. But anyway, that's from giving up vodka and swapping it for vanilla slice thanks, bakery.

Speaker 2:

Oh so, yeah, not pregnant. But you know, maybe I'm on antibiotics, but it's just such bullshit how I have to. We have to explain why we don't drink. So I just that was my thing for at least a year, for especially new-ish people and even people that are in my circle, because we're all massive drinkers, so most of them I don't really see anymore, but they couldn't get their heads around it. So I'd just say, look, I am doing a one-year no beer challenge. Yeah, that's perfect. Yeah, it's perfect. Yeah, it's good.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so initially, yeah, the family, but really I did sort of hibernate for a good eight months because it was winter in Perth, so there wasn't many. You know, hey, let's sit around the fire and get drunk anymore parties, because I removed myself from those situations and or I just say, no, I've got a headache or whatever, whatever excuse I could come up with not to go. Yeah, so it was. It gets tricky, but the more you do it, the easier it gets, and I know that. You know it might sound oh, yeah, sure, but honestly it is. After you give yourself some, you know, time to just chill and, um, you know, rock in a corner, yeah, so what about you?

Speaker 1:

I love that um, well, I had my first break in 2018 and I think I told I think my work friends knew. But, oh, I lost a shitload of weight, but not because I stopped drinking Well, it kind of was, but I stopped eating along with it Like I just because what happened was I was thinking about giving up drinking and then I saw a photo of myself and you know, when you see those photos and your whole life crashes down around you because you never, ever, realized you look so gross. Um, I got serious about losing weight and over the next five months it coincided with me stopping drinking and I lost a lot of weight. Um, I was always within the average for my height, but I lost. I became below average.

Speaker 1:

So it people were like, oh my god, you've stopped drinking and that's what's happened, and anyway, so it was. It was kind of easy that time, but then I started drinking again. Covid came now, by the end of COVID, I pretty much gave up. Oh well, I gave up on New Year's Eve, 2021, I think yeah by then I don't know.

Speaker 1:

I think enough people in my life knew that I'd taken breaks and stuff, but what? This is a way to tell people. I started a podcast and I studied for the first half of 2022 and, like you, I um, I didn't really go out, I hibernated, but I was very busy studying to be an alcohol recovery coach and then one of the women I was studying with said, do you want to do a podcast? And I was like, yes, I remember saying to her for our first ever one you know, we can't say everything and we were both sort of going yeah, I don't want to say this and I don't want to say this. And then we went on to record it and we just went bleh. And so if anyone in my life didn't know, they certainly knew after that, because it's pretty hard to hide as well with social media, people see what you're doing, and so that was kind of an easy way to tell people.

Speaker 2:

Did you find just on that though, did you find that you so, when you were saying that you didn't want to say this, didn't want to say that? Is that because you were worried what other people were going to say or think? Part?

Speaker 1:

of it was yes, I didn't want people to hear stories about me, like my family or things, and I didn't want to say things that might implicate or make other people think it was about them. Um, but I mean, there are things I'll never say. I'm sure we all have things that in our life like shit in the bed.

Speaker 2:

Oh damn it.

Speaker 1:

I said it out loud well, I certainly opened up a lot more than I thought I would very quickly and you know I don't talk about with many of my friends or family if they've listened to episodes, I don't really know, but I certainly found it was helpful because if you've got a podcast, like we do now, people are going to assume that we don't drink because it's about not drinking.

Speaker 1:

Um, but I still will meet people sometimes and I still get like oh, they don't know, I don't drink. So most often I'll say I'm, I'm, I don't drink. You know, because I'm three and a half years in, I can and, and all the people that I are in my life know my family were probably relieved, my friends were probably relieved. Um, to be honest, a lot of people probably went oh, I wish I could do that. Yeah, and I've had it's. It's been positive feedback, predominantly because and a lot of people want to be able to do what we've done and can't for whatever reason they're in the loop that we were in, they're in the loop and it's like you said.

Speaker 1:

You know I feel really proud as well. It's a massive thing what we've done. It takes a lot of strength, not saying that people that can't do it don't have strength at all. I think there's strength in drinking. Like people that drink are really sensitive people and drinking for a reason to cover up deep things, and they don't have to be the most traumatic things in the world, but they've. You know there are reasons. Yeah, so total compassion for anyone, wherever they are 100%, but yeah, I feel proud. No judgment, no judgment.

Speaker 2:

Because, well, also, I mean, what I've discovered when not drinking is actually that I am actually funnier, which was I sort of found that when we went on our tits on tour, the health retreat, because, well, like, thank you, but you know, I was always doing that, but I was always sort of like half pissed and half cut and I sort of gave that. I just thought there was alcohol was making me funny. Yeah Right, just like I thought alcohol made me dance better or, you know, talk to, yeah, it gave me more confidence. So then taking it away and realising, actually, Ali, all of that is in you without it.

Speaker 2:

And so now that was like confirmation, when I went away and we had, you know, that week together and and, and I wasn't sort of trying to be funny in a sense, but then at the end of it we all did a one sentence thing about each other's name or you know to write something, and every one of you girls said, ali, you need to be on stage as a comedian or stand-up comedy, and I had not one drop of alcohol or marijuana to make me be funny or to talk openly, or you know. And that was just like, oh, okay, hence Laugh Without Lagers. But yeah, it's just amazing that I, you know, like you and people that give alcohol away, and I don't like the thing. It's hard to say when you say I gave up alcohol, so I've just did the hashtag, I didn't give up, I gained.

Speaker 2:

Yes, yes you know you've just got to switch the the theme because alcohol it's just so much it gives. We just gave it so much credit and a lot of people still do. You know, like you go out and have a good night but really you probably blacked out and you know everyone looks better with beer goggles. Then you wake up in the morning and you're like what the heck? And then you know you go to work on monday. You feel like shit, you go get, get a hamburger and it's like everyone how's your weekend? And you're like oh yeah, it was really cool, it was really and you think really was it.

Speaker 1:

Oh 100%.

Speaker 2:

I don't know 100%.

Speaker 1:

You know what? In my coaching I talk a lot about it, exactly that. And one person said to me alcohol makes me creative. Now, alcohol doesn't give us any intellect, it doesn't give us any extra genius, any extra artistic talent or comedy or whatever it is. It doesn't, it's in us. It gives us, it loosens us up or gives us that confidence. But so then what we have to do is just learn, if we don't have it, how to get that confidence.

Speaker 1:

Naturally, because everything else is part of us and and we also realize, like you just said, blackouts and things like that I just got louder. I didn't get funnier, I didn't get more intelligent, I got bloody louder. And you talk over people, you repeat yourself, um, so it's really important, because a lot of people will say but I need it for this? Yes, you pull every reason you drink apart and you can see that it only makes things worse. Yeah, it only makes everything worse. So I'm so glad you found that out on retreat. But I, you know, together, like you made me laugh so much and I can be a little bit funny, but you're a lot bit funny, no, it's true, like I am funny sometimes, but you're a lot bit funny. Oh no, it's true like I am funny sometimes, but but we just bounced off each other and it was hilarious, but it was such authentic fun it was, and we weren't being mean like a you know, like I mean shit.

Speaker 2:

We did. Actually, we did take the piss out of the Russians on the beach, like with the plastic lips and the tits, and, oh my God, maybe that was part of me, I was jealous, but oh my, you know I was on all fours acting like a dog. I don't even know where that came from, but yeah, we just. That was just true absolute. And like Dave Hughes, you know he's a comedian, yes, he doesn't drink. I think, chrissy Swan, like there's so many people when you actually take your fucking beer goggles off there's, there's actually a lot of people that, um, you know they're all creatives, they're all famous that don't drink anymore and or didn't drink really to get that, you know, creative edge or whatever. And musicians, you know people play much more better when they're not. Because you're present, you can remember shit. You're not going to drop your line because, oh mate, I had half a carton before I strolled on stage.

Speaker 1:

You're not messy People truly believe, that helped them. And then, when they stop I hear it all the time you know, um, oh, my god, I'm better than I thought. And it's just that initial confidence to believe in yourself, yes, um.

Speaker 2:

And then people realize yeah, oh, I am telling you you know, intelligent or whatever it is.

Speaker 2:

I got it. Yeah, no, that's sort of one of the things that I wanted sort of even to do this podcast. You know that I was listening when I first got sober. I'd be listening to lots of podcasts and I used to get hard on myself about, you know, people that give up and are alcohol free. They'll go. Oh well, I've turned my passion of um saying I want alcohol free drinks, that that restaurants, you know. So people sort of branch off and, do you know, get passionate about um putting alcohol, more alcohol free choices in restaurants or bars, and you know, writing books and doing all this stuff, and then you start to think, oh, you know, I should be doing more.

Speaker 2:

I used to get hard on myself for not thinking that I'm not achieving anything. But at the end of the day, not to drink, mate, that is fucking the best thing you could ever do for yourself. Don't worry about trying to write a book or be a podcast. Just you, you know, be proud and work on those things. That will now eventually give you that courage to me now talking with you and having our own podcast. But initially, yeah, we just got to get to know it. I've got to get to know me sober because I was not from, you know, being an awkward teenager with anxiety ridden, freaking, asthma, attack, runty. You know, little girl. You know I had that. Alcohol mate was my crutch for 40 years. I could do nothing without it. And then now all those therapies are a waste of money. Really, one thing that you shouldn't do is don't drink. We've got it all in us. Yes, we do.

Speaker 1:

And you said something about, oh, gaining not what you've lost, and the other thing I was going to say.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I didn't give up, I gained.

Speaker 1:

Yes, and the other thing I was going to say about that is occasionally someone will say, well, not occasionally, quite often if I'm out, someone will say, or not, occasionally quite often if I'm out, oh, I forgot, you can't drink. No, no, I can. I can. I choose not to. I choose yes, that's my reframing that, because it is a totally a choice. No one has told me to do this, no one's making us.

Speaker 2:

This is our choice yeah, I can drive, we can. Both of us can drive to the bottle shop right now. No one's stopping me. My exactly right it's I choose not to you know you've probably found as well.

Speaker 1:

Uh, along in the past three and a half years or four years, you know, I've gone from FOMO fear of missing out to JOMO. The joy of missing out yeah, to waking up and not being hung over but to actually not feel like I'm lacking or missing out has been massive, and it's something that's happened along the path which you know. If anyone else is feeling that they do have FOMO or whatever it is it, keep keep going, keep um doing. You know, looking at yourself, learning about yourself and you, you will get to a point where I'm not missing out on anything.

Speaker 2:

And that's it. You know it is. It's called do the work. I mean, I did a shout-out to how I quit alcohol, danica I had you know that was one of my tools in not white-knuckling it per se, like I have done in the past was, um, you know, initially yep, rocking in a corner having that time away, but, and also I was going through, um, you know, a terrible breakup, divorce and whatnot. However, then I just heard on the radio Danny Carr was getting interviewed, nicar was getting interviewed, and I'd Google good old Google and within you know however long I reached out to her and spent the money and did her three. It was actually a 12 week course, which is awesome because she doesn't do them that long anymore.

Speaker 2:

But honestly, meg, it was just like that was the whys on why we drank, and the tools and like I learnt how to meditate, which I sort of always had that in me. I've always been a hippie at heart, but you know, I was surrounded by booze, you know, drinking bogans, and I was always like, oh, you know, let's go to Bali and get healed. And everyone was like, fucking, let's go to Bali and get shitfaced. And I'm like, okay, I'll just get shit face. Then you know let's do dry July. And everyone's like what do you do that for? Why would you want to do that? And so of course I would go yeah, true, but anyway. So to have that and to learn how to journal, and it's doing the work, because I don't want to be a dry drunk.

Speaker 1:

I'm exactly the same. I, well, I found Annie Grace and then I trained to become a coach through her, but it's it's literally is doing the work. But also, like you, I've always been spiritual and I've always done self-help and I've I find a lot of people on this same journey are like that, and we've always tried to really find out what's what's going on. You know, I tried everything but give up alcohol, and I met a lot of people who do that too and it's like, haha, the missing piece of the puzzle was giving up that.

Speaker 2:

Oh, yeah, I mean all these pills and potions. I should freaking get these things to lose weight or to fucking you know, spend hundreds and thousands, you know not that much, but hundreds of dollars right to take these freaking pills. And then it's like, oh yeah, you know what I mean. Like even just the hair of the dog, those things for hangovers, oh, we could go on. And it's just take that toxin out. And then here we are, just take that toxin out. I mean we are Just take that toxin out. I mean it's that simple. But it took me, you know, as you say, years, but that was our crutch. That was my only survival tool that I had to live. My life was alcohol and it was the most you know acceptable freaking drug, because it's not like I'm going to.

Speaker 1:

Thankfully I never got onto heroin and alcohol, because it works as self-medication, like it works, until it doesn't it does, and it just because it just numbs your whole bloody everything out good, bad, the ugly, you know, and until it starts to make it a lot worse, you realise.

Speaker 2:

But it's definitely a tool for self-medication that's for sure, and the one that seems to be the most ready available yeah, well it's, it's glamorized, it is.

Speaker 1:

So I mean what other? And the the irony of like, say, cigarettes yeah you know how, how, um the stigma against that and oh my god. But cigarettes don't make you do stupid things. Yeah, bloody, bloody alcohol. We are dangerous. People are in danger when they drink because their brains change like I don't get.

Speaker 2:

I mean how many you know, how many people would you have gone home with, or how many situations would you have put yourself in for a cigarette? Oh okay, maybe I did when I was drunk and I can't make as a ciggy. I'll show you my tits.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, because you're drunk, Totally, totally. I was the same, but you're not going to smoke a pack of ciggies and then go. I'm yours like I'm anyone's.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, exactly. Oh, wow, you look good after 24 Nicos, that's right, you look bloody same.

Speaker 1:

You look bloody same you look a bit worse.

Speaker 2:

You look good after 24 cans.

Speaker 1:

Yes, back when I was younger in England, my cousin took a photo on the back of the door for me. It said drink till he's cute. And I tell you what that is like the motto of alcohol Drink till he's cute, don't worry. Worry the next day you just want to run, but yeah, chew your arm off. Cigarettes ain't gonna do that. But it's interesting, isn't it, that it's so bloody, glamorized and acceptable when it's actually so dangerous. I mean on a health level, but on an actual, it affects your brain. You can kill people if you operate a car or heavy machinery or whatever it just doesn't make sense.

Speaker 2:

It doesn't make sense. Well, you know a lot to unpack there, meg. Basically, alcohol is shit and we are just so proud of each other and just how far ditching one substance, it's the most hardest one really. Oh, it's hard, it's hard. You know, 40 years of like working it out. And then it's like, yeah, just take the booze away and you think, oh, I'll do anything, but yeah, literally yeah.

Speaker 1:

And it really is hard to ditch. But, like you said, you've got to do the work. I mean there's no way to make it pretty, you have to do the work. I mean there's no way to make it pretty, you have to do some work on this, on yourself. Yeah, you do, and to me the work has been absolutely brilliant. So I don't say it to be a scary word. It's the journey of a lifetime, like reconnecting with yourself, coming back to your authentic self.

Speaker 2:

But you've got to do something. Otherwise, like you said, ali, you're white, knuckling it, you're dry. The other thing when we tell people when we're not, you know when, to tell people about it can be scary. When you're saying you're not drinking, it's because there was and is still that shame, because everybody thinks, oh what? So you weren't? You can't moderate, what's wrong with you, you've got a problem. So it is still that. You know, when you say that you're sober, that word is so loaded to think oh, you're an alcoholic so you've got a problem which you know pretty much I was, but I would say I was a binger.

Speaker 2:

A bingey because I was high functioning. So yeah, I was a high functioning alcoholic.

Speaker 1:

But the thing about that is it's self-labeled anyway, because there's no line you cross and you become an alcoholic. That's the thing about this. We've chosen this because it wasn't doing us any favours. There's plenty of people that will keep drinking, that probably are drinking more than we did, you know. That's what I don't like about it is there's no people, yes, will say oh, you gave up, therefore you had a problem, therefore you're an alcoholic. No, we just realise we want to do something different and there's more to life for us.

Speaker 2:

And the hangovers were shit, Hangovers were shit and I was sleeping with the wrong guys and you know, still being a, just still living in the back seat.

Speaker 1:

I was making choices that weren't my values.

Speaker 2:

I actually didn't know. I didn't know what my values were. I was on a podcast and somebody asked me what's your values? And I went, uh, and she was prompting me and I was like far out, you know. I just didn't know, because I didn't, I had terrible boundaries. I was like far out, you know, I just didn't know because I had terrible boundaries. I was a people pleaser on top of being a heavy drinker that couldn't say no.

Speaker 1:

Totally, and that's why we drank. And so everyone I meet, you know, says oh, I did things I never would have done if I wasn't drinking. That's alcohol for you. It's not that we were bad people and in this, you know, doing this work that we talk about, which can involve just um reading some books like Danny Carr, listening to her doing a course with Annie Grace, whatever it is, you learn to get rid of that shame and blame, because alcohol is the baddie it is well said we're taking responsibility here, but it's the baddie.

Speaker 1:

Well, ali we're. We're going to wrap this one up.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, well, that was deep. We went deep there, girl. That was like well, one question, thank you, viewer Christ. What are we going to get next time?

Speaker 1:

Just be prepared. When you ask a question, we're really keen to answer it. We might go off on a tangent.

Speaker 2:

Well, we'll see you in a couple of weeks or so. See you next time. Until then, see you next time, guys.