Laughs without Lager

Breaking the Fuck-It Button Cycle

• Ali and Meg

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Ever found yourself swearing off alcohol only to cave in a moment of weakness? That dreaded "fuck it button" moment is something both of us know intimately—and it's exactly what we're tackling in this raw, unfiltered conversation about the cycle of drinking, quitting, and drinking again.

Ali opens up about her journey through hypnotherapy to address the root causes of her drinking—feelings of unworthiness and abandonment—only to face a critical test at a colleague's wedding where champagne flutes and old habits threatened everything she'd worked for. Meanwhile, Meg shares how five months of sobriety in 2018 evaporated with one impulsive decision on Valentine's Day, leading to two more years lost to alcohol.

What makes this episode different from typical sobriety talk is our focus on practical strategies that actually work in those crucial moments when willpower isn't enough. From "surfing the urge" techniques that help you ride out cravings to finding unexpected accountability partners (Ali's daughter became her unlikely ally), we share the real tools that finally helped us break free after countless attempts.

The most powerful insight? Your motivation to quit has to become bigger than your reason to drink. For Meg, it was visualizing where her life would be in one, five, and ten years if she continued drinking. For Ali, it was recording a brutally honest video to herself after a relapse. Whatever your motivation, we're here to remind you that everyone who's successfully quit has likely hit the fuck-it button multiple times along the way. The only way you won't succeed is if you stop trying.

Feeling stuck in the cycle? Listen in, grab some tools, and remember—you're choosing yourself when you choose sobriety. And that's worth fighting for.

Contact Us:

https://www.meganwebb.com.au/podcast-1


Ali

insta: https://www.instagram.com/idontdrinkfullstop/


Meg

website: https://www.meganwebb.com.au/

insta: https://www.instagram.com/meganwebbcoaching/

bookclub: https://www.alcoholfreedom.com.au/unwinedbookclub

Connect AF: https://www.elizaparkinson.com/groupcoaching

Speaker 1:

Meg Z Ali how you going.

Speaker 2:

Good mate, how are you? I'm good, I'm good, a little bit chilly, but it's good to see you.

Speaker 1:

Oh, mate, I have got the air conditioner on, I've got two layers of clothing on and me slippers, because it is about 15 degrees and I'm not used to it yet.

Speaker 2:

Yes, it's about that here. We're different sides of Australia, australia, but we're both cold. Winter has hit.

Speaker 1:

It has indeed.

Speaker 2:

Down under. So we were having a chat this week and both of us have kind of been on different forums and we've noticed quite a bit of the same thing coming up, which is what do we call it? The fuck it button? Yeah, how do I stop?

Speaker 1:

The fuck it button. Yeah, how do I stop hitting the fuck it button?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so it's something that you and I have both experienced, and it's something that a lot of people just go through. They get stuck in that loop and just don't really know how to get out of it, so we thought we could talk about that today.

Speaker 1:

That dreaded loop.

Speaker 2:

The dreaded loop.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. So what did that look like for you? Well, that's sort of how I got to become. You know that it was just that loop that I couldn't get away from. So when I you know it'd be one week, you'd be fine and you'd do all the right things, there may be two weeks, definitely I couldn't do longer than three weeks, no way in hell. And then, yeah, so finally, when I got to that stage of like I'm so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and I can't, I just can't stop that, you know, driving through the bottle shop, basically, you know, to get home and that's all you focused on was just I just want to drink and pop your cork and then off you go.

Speaker 1:

So that I rang a girlfriend and just was talking to her and just went mate, I just can't get out of this loop. I just keep hitting the bucket button. So she put me on to my friend from bloody high school and I rang her because I didn't know that she was doing this deep hypnotherapy work. Plus, she's also a counsellor. So I rang her and told her exactly what I just said I can't, I really want to ditch the booze, but I don't. I just can't get over a certain point and then I just go to the bottle shop and, you know, get shitty at myself and the cycle repeats. So I went down and saw her and had some really, really deep hypnotherapy, and one of the things she does is talks to subconscious. So it's not a simple thing of just you know, follow this, you're going to act like a chicken and then, you know, wake up.

Speaker 1:

It was for a whole day and it was really working out like and also a bit of therapy, I guess, because we don't really all of us who've got an issue with drinking there's underlying causes. That's just a symptom of whatever. So mine was abandonment, not feeling worthy, I'm not good enough, um, people pleasing just anything to fit in, right, um. So we workshopped that, unpacked it all and then I left her. That was the 4th of June 2021, so it so it was a long weekend, which actually was a week ago, so nearly four years. Megzi, yeah, yes, so then. But then I had a bloody, so I didn't feel like drinking.

Speaker 1:

I thought, wow, I'm cured until the 19th of June, a work colleague's wedding my first social gathering, yeah, and you know, weddings are, yeah, well, I've never done anything sober, so like, okay, maybe when I was pregnant might have, you know, gone out for dinner, but I'd never, ever been out to anything like that without drinking. So, yeah, that was, you know, a test that I completely failed. Yep, you know, know, I look fabulous. And yeah, walk in and what's the first thing? They give you a flute of champagne. And I was standing there drinking it, going and my hand was shaking. I'm like what the fuck? What the hell are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? Don't do it doing. What are you doing? What are you doing? Don't do it. Gulp, gulp, gulp, gulp. Get the effects.

Speaker 1:

I probably didn't drink as quickly as what I would have normally because, I think, subconsciously I was thinking, my subconscious was screaming and going what the F are you doing? Pot it away. But then, of course, someone said marijuana. I'm like, oh please, far out, man, I'm terrible. So, yeah, there's my next. That was salt and pepper. So pot used to make me, you know, party. So of course I was one of the last up, um, and then I'd wake up in the morning and just, oh my gosh, there's the shame, there's the you, the critic in my head, you idiot, see, you're useless. Now you have to drive home and all of that worry and anxiety, like oh shit, I hope there's no policeman on the side of the road because it was out of town like just all that dread that I didn't have for the last two weeks anyway. So I had that was my hit the fucker button and I drove home sweating and just, yeah, panicking, and then I did a video. I took a video of myself and I just said, ali, you'll never, ever, ever feel like this ever again. Nor do I want to ever, ever feel like this again. Like what are you doing? Like this is shit. You've got a second chance at life. So you know, just don't this again. Like what are you doing? Like this is shit. You've you've got a second chance at life. So you know, just, just don't. And honestly, that was so. That's the 20th of June 2021.

Speaker 1:

I haven't had a drink yet. I mean, there's a couple of times throughout the four years that I potentially have given it a millisecond thought because maybe, like um, we've sort of talked about like you're you know when you, when you go to that year, the first year of um, your first year soberversary. It can be like oh well, I know I don't have a drinking problem, hit the fucker button and I'll go back to moderating, or see, I don't have an issue, like the brain wants you to keep in the past. So, um, I didn't there. You know there's work and stuff which we've talked about. How about you, meg Z? What's your fuck a button story?

Speaker 2:

yeah, I mean so. First of all, just from that, I did think that you know pretty much everyone has tried stopping and then gone. Fuck it, I'm going to drink right, whatever's happened, yes, so the tip is to just keep trying.

Speaker 1:

Yes.

Speaker 2:

Because you never know when it will stick, and I think, with what you gather along the way, even you know we call it the work, but even listening to podcasts or whatever it is, you're changing neural pathways. One day you're going to do it, and the only way you won't is if you stop trying. So that's my tip. But my first. I had two in particular. One of them was I gave up in 2018 for five months and I really I was right into it. I was doing stuff online, I was going to AA, I was really in a good place, and then I went to the neighbors. It was Valentine's Day, it was hot, it was summer and someone said do you want to drink? And I went, fuck it, and I had a bottle of wine and then I drank for the next two years and whoa, yeah, so that was a biggie yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

So what made you think like in your brain? You woke up in the morning and then you just thought. Your brain just kept saying what's the point or Do you know what?

Speaker 2:

Nothing, and this is what I hear quite often. I can't even tell you why I did it. It just came out of nowhere. So what happened was I had thought I wouldn't and then I got there and I did.

Speaker 2:

Your brain will make up excuses, so probably in the few seconds before I went hot summer valentine's day, uh, which is actually my wedding anniversary, not with my husband um, right, this or problems with something, yeah. So I gave myself the excuse, but I didn't overthink it. In fact, I didn't think it was subconscious, but looking back, there's always a little excuse and probably I did probably wake up thinking again subconsciously I maybe I wasn't as steadfast as I'd been, so that wavering often leads to drinking, you know, um, so that was that. And then, when I stopped in 2021, I had a month off and then it was a different kind of fuck it button, because I knew I was gonna study to be a coach the next beginning of 2022 and so, consciously, I kind of said, well, I'll drink over the next couple of months, I'll drink a bit bit less, but I know I'm going to be stopping, which I have for three and a half years.

Speaker 2:

But I knew that was coming. So I gave myself conscious permission to hit the fucking button. I wasn't as bad and that's probably because I'd previously broken my rib and you know, I knew from drinking. Drinking, I knew it was getting risky, um, but saying that, I did drink enough to pass out each night, I just didn't go anywhere, I didn't do anything that I was gonna do it, I just crawled to bed. You know, um, but they were my two moments, so one was super subconscious and one was super conscious.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

But you know, I hear often, I just I think I'm not going to and then suddenly I'm drinking, like you said at the, yeah, yeah, I literally yeah, the brain's a bloody. It's a wonderful thing, but it's also a nightmare to deal with. You know, I'm a Gemini, I'm also a twin, and you know I used to like it would a wonderful thing, but it's also a nightmare to deal with. You know, I'm a Gemini, I'm also a twin and you know I used to like it would be good twin, bad twin, just fucking arguing. I mean, that is also the reason why you just get worn down by your own head. Go on, do it, do it, do it, and I just you know this willpower, or you know just the sun shining, and you know it's my reward. I'm just going to do it and you just, literally, you just give in, don't you?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, because the reality is, either way you're arguing, you're going to shut it up and that's either by not drinking and moving on or drinking, and so whatever your brain goes to, often it's the easiest. It's what you know, because the not drinking path even though once I made that decision on and stopped on New Year's Eve and I did prepare in advance, I was going to do that I didn't think about it after because I'd made the decision A firm decision is really helpful and that's the same as a firm decision. If you're going somewhere I'm going to a wedding 100% I'm not going to drink, you know.

Speaker 1:

Then you don't have a fight.

Speaker 2:

Yes, but when it's not 100% decision, good.

Speaker 1:

Which is why I think I never see I've had hypnotherapy before for cigarettes. But just when you said that, then the reason why it didn't work is because I didn't actually want to give up yeah at all as much as I really really wanted to.

Speaker 1:

Isn't that funny. Like I really wanted to, I really did. But then it's just not there. It's just not there. And then I I don't know my last, I can't even even remember. It was so so long ago. So I guess when she said you know she's a hypnotherapist, straight away my brain goes, ha yeah, that's not going to work, you're not going to trick me you know, I'll just keep you.

Speaker 1:

The alcohol's just going to keep you there. Keep you safe, keep you funny, keep you warm keep you out in the bloody pubs and clubs. You know you're too old to change but you're not worth it. You know all this negative crap in your head and that's also the reason why I went and sought help, because you know.

Speaker 1:

It's just that brain space of the critic in your head telling you how shit you are because you drank again, or all that arguing Am I going to drink tonight? Don't go to the bottle shop, go to the bottle shop. Don't go to the bottle shop. And you're like shut up. And so what do I do? Fricking went to the bottle shop every time. Every time, mate, and I knew I would. I'd just be like fucking driving through the waterway.

Speaker 2:

It shut it up while you were numbing and then the next day it's louder. It's like this bloody cycle that's ridiculous.

Speaker 1:

See, you're useless, I knew you couldn't do it. And then you check your phone and you go oh, I rang the, you know, or text the ex Right, oh, mate.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, awful.

Speaker 1:

So look, I haven't had zero training. I'm not a coach, but obviously you know you are. So yeah, I guess how would you if somebody said that to you Like, oh, megsie, I'm going to go through the bottle shop?

Speaker 2:

Fucking, I'm going to hit the button. You know what? First of all, lived experience is the best. So you've got it. You've whatever's worked for you. You can tell people because we've done it yeah, true to this point. And so something has resonated with us. I do think it's there's different tools and there's different things for different people, but I think what happened for me was my reason to stop got bigger than my reason to keep drinking, and I think mine was ultimately that I knew and this is one of the tools I would suggest is have a look at what will my life look like in one year, five year and 10 years if I keep drinking. And I just knew I was going to end in a bad, bad way and it wasn't worth the risk. I think my fear of doing something dangerous or hurting someone else because I'm doing something dangerous got bigger than my reason to drink. So, and also, you know, dragging my kids through that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

I think that was ultimate and all and the other big big thing for me was I wanted to live life and have a good life. I can't do that when I'm drinking, yeah, and that pull to actually finally find out my purpose and passion was the big enough pull for me. So all of that together was was my reason, and so one of the things, like I just said, have a think about write it down. Where, where will you be in a year if you keep drinking? And five years, you know, I found I found that more helpful than the the one where you say where will I be if I don't drink? I I still found that helpful. But the one looking at how bad it can get scared the shit out of me.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, for me. See, the devil's advocate would say look, well, I've still got a job. I won't drink and drive. I, you know, managing my child. I'm only doing it on the weekends. I will only reward my mate. Mate, there's so many freaking rules around it that you can trick yourself.

Speaker 2:

I would ask you then do you think if you looked at the year, that it's possible you might have got in a car or you, you know, you might have, um, accidentally lit your house on fire, like, do you think something could have got worse? Like that's, it might not have happened. Like I was still holding down a job and I was doing everything, but I also could see I was getting into a really bad relationship where I was just being absolutely abused mentally right, and I was allowing that and I thought this is not me and where was that going to lead to? I mean God, I was not myself. I can tell you that much.

Speaker 2:

And then what if I drove the next day and I was over the limit and I was dropping a kid at school and I was on the news? That was pretty possible, right, that was possible. I didn't have a breath tester machine in my house. I would drive to the bottle shop sometimes after a few drinks. What if someone called me and I drove further? You know it's the what ifs started to really, because the thing with alcohol our tolerance grows. We drink more, you start to do more risky things.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, like, yeah, I would always drive, like you know, especially if you go to your girlfriend's house. You know, sit there, have you know? We'd all say, oh, don't eat it, because I never drank wine. But they'd all say, oh, we just have this one bottle of wine. And you know, we all know, that that's never the case. Well, for heavy drinkers like us, Like every time, well, not even luckily, but they lived around the corner, which the two times I got done for DD, the last time I could see my fucking house, Literally, bro, you're a policeman Like pulled out $100 and said, mate, I'm literally right there, Come on. Anyway, that didn't end well, but the thing is, you know, it was always around the corner. But, fuck, mate, I would hold my breath, hold my breath and pray to whoever above please don't let me get pulled over, Please don't let me. And it'd be like 9.30, 10 o'clock at night on a school night on a school night and, yeah, cool, I guess that's.

Speaker 1:

you know what I mean with devil's advocate, because as much as you can lie to yourself, this is all. The other thing that I don't miss is the fucking lying.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

Just, you know, and putting my child at risk. But yeah, it's just as I said, I've just sort of been noticing what is people's you know how are they not going to hit that button of I'll do it tomorrow or I'll start next week? You know, I just, yeah, it's a tricky one and it fucking sucks really, but it is possible, man, it is possible, it is possible, it is. Everything's possible if you try.

Speaker 2:

For sure, and you know what We've done work. You've got to do something. So there's tools, there's tactics. I'm in this Naked Mind coach, so one of the tools is surfing the urge, and I like this tool because what it does is you feel the urge coming on and normally well, yeah, back when I was a drinker, I'd just get a drink. I didn't stop and think about it. Well, yeah, back when I was a drinker, I'd just get a drink. I didn't stop and think about it. But you stop.

Speaker 2:

You can go through some prompts. You know, where am I feeling this? What does it feel like? Just start to get to know what it feels like to have an urge. You know, set your time for 10 minutes and sit there. Where do I feel this in my body? Mate, I'm already at the bottle shop. Now, that's right, you got to do this before you get in the car to the bottle shop. But just to start. All you're doing is start to feel feelings. We are so good at numbing them, yeah, so feeling feelings is a new thing. So set your timer for five minutes when you're not going to the bottle shop, and say, okay, I want to feel it. It's just just um, experimenting, curiosity might not work for a while, but you've started that, the work. You've started to notice feelings and then, eventually, you'll start to notice the thoughts and you can, you know, do get books you know podcasts get.

Speaker 1:

I loved podcasts, which is why you know to us on a podcast it really, really, really really helped doing the gardening. Yes, during the morning, plug in, plug in At the end of the afternoon, and I would listen to all of it because somewhere in someone's story there's you.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, exactly, you resonate somewhere along the line and something might click. So you plug into everything you can. You can Google stuff Like I did courses. I did everything I could get my hands on and I did things like okay, I did everything I could get my hands on and I did things like, okay, I'm going to feel my feelings for five minutes. If that's too hard, try one minute. Go pat the dog.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, well, you know, try somatic techniques breathing, grounding because they it might sound a bit weird, but I tell you what it's changed everything for me. And it's the planting, that seed. Yeah, the seed takes a while to grow, but you've planted it. So you want to try different things, you know, and it's like you and I said, we've both had fuck it button moments, but we're here. Think about it afterwards. What's different? What did you gain? Was it that you didn't go to the bottle shop until 10 minutes later? That's a win, you know, the next day, well, you know, I pushed back and didn't have my first drink till 6 pm. That's a win. Everything that you try, or I listen to a podcast for the first time, that's a win.

Speaker 1:

These are all important things to build our momentum and just you know, just I guess that it's the self-esteem too that you just like and you do feel like I remember, you know, prior to having the hypnotherapy, even just you know, like doing the white knuckling it really, but you'd really try, and then you do it. So you go watch strategy TV or whatever it is right, but in the morning you know there's just that, oh, my God, I didn't do it. Yeah, I didn't do it, yeah, I didn't fucking drink, oh. And then you go to work and then you sort of like, okay, it's, coming home from work was a real trigger and that's cool, I'm okay, we didn't do it last night. Like you can do it, ali, come on, you've got to be your own little champion. And you, coach, you know we can't, you cannot give up for anyone else but yourself, I, and just just baby steps, man, I guess that's a one day at a time yeah, no, but baby steps.

Speaker 2:

Like I'm a big fan of baby step therapy, I call it little, little little steps. And you're right, you do it once and you have this momentum. But the other thing is like you have a few drinks and you feel good for a little bit, for a little bit right, and then a long-term shit. But you feel shit when you stop, like craving for a bit, and then you feel good long term so yeah, oh, I like that so you're switching it out, but you've got to embrace the suck you've got to expect you're going to feel uncomfortable.

Speaker 2:

That first night you're going to feel actually like maybe ripping your hair out, but if you can let yourself know that that is normal and just have something up your sleeve like a big tub of ice cream and a great show or something and acknowledge, fuck, it's gonna be hard, but how good it will feel tomorrow but also I was just thinking then I also I actually used my kid I'd actually go and sit in her room and be like hey, hey, bub, what are you doing?

Speaker 1:

Get out of my room, what are you doing, oh my God. And then I'd be like I really want to have a drink tonight, but I don't want to have a drink tonight. So I'm just coming in to say I love you and can you distract me for 10 minutes. And you know, I literally just thought of that then, but it's so true, and you know I literally just thought of that then, but it's so true, I would lean on her, not to her to parent me and me by sober coach. But you know, like, just distract and just be like, oh, bub, or tell a best friend and say I'm fucking hanging for a drink, can I ring you? Yeah?

Speaker 1:

Because there's accountability there, yeah, but obviously yeah because they were my friends and pissheads.

Speaker 1:

I didn't really have that option, but certainly with my child, and it was accountability for her too for me and her, because we lived together that if I was to like crack a beer on a Tuesday afternoon which was always my day she would be like, what are you doing? Or I would tell her like, oh, bub, I'm about to go to the bottle shop and we don't, we end up I just go walk the dog or we'd cook something. You know, just change it, just change it. And then the next day you're like, woohoo, maybe ring that friend or maybe go for a longer walk, or you know, just get some of that momentum up. And really I like that. You have to. It does suck for a bit.

Speaker 2:

Even the thought of oh, I'm going to walk the dog might feel sucky, but just make yourself do it. Just do a Mel Robbins 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and walk out that door and then you're doing it. And then you're coming home and you're like I freaking did it. Yeah, and you actually you've lengthened your time that you're not drinking, you've, um, got some fresh air, you've felt better about yourself. That is so good. Like that's the kind of stuff, the baby steps and also retrain.

Speaker 1:

I found it, I noticed that actually, when I was in that um, I was in that victim mentality. Why why me? Why can't I drink normally? Why are they all over? Because you know, bloody social media, you see everyone, they're out in the piss, mate. That's hard, but that maybe will be another topic of friends, you know, because that sucks balls, I must say, and it does get. Yeah, you feel like hitting the button, but you've just got to like go well's, let them mel robbins, yeah, let them, um, get drunk and have, uh, you know, a fun air quotes weekend or night, which in fact, I actually saw some old friends on the turps the other night and they're on my age and I'm like, oh my God, I don't miss that at all.

Speaker 1:

It's not so cute anymore Because you could just see their whole night Like it started all fresh in the afternoon and then, you know, and then the pictures got blurrier as the night got later and I'm just like I know how that ended. I mean it would have been me at the nightclub, but I just yeah, so we'll do an episode on that, because you know that does at the start. Yeah, 100%, man, that fucking sucks. But you know you've just got to again stay in your lane and go. Look, this is about me and my journey. There we go journey, but you know I'm not doing this for anyone else but myself. You know, at the end of the day I'm worth it.

Speaker 2:

Yep, we're choosing ourselves, which is huge. Well, that was a really cool conversation. I really enjoyed it and I hope that we've helped someone, even just to know that they're not alone and can get out of it. And you keep showing up and keep popping the podcast in or doing whatever you can to connect each day and you will get out of it. And you keep showing up and keep popping the podcast in or doing whatever you can to connect each day and you will get there all right. We'll see you next time, ali yeah, see you next time, megzy.