Laughs without Lager

Sober Party People: How to have fun Without Alcohol!

• Ali and Meg

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Alcohol freedom doesn't mean the end of fun—it's the beginning of something far more authentic and expansive. In this eye-opening conversation with Kim Raysmith, founder of Sober Party People and retreat host, we dive deep into what it really takes to reclaim joy without liquid courage.

Kim's journey begins with a familiar struggle: "I wanted to be sober like I wanted a hole in my head." For years, she chased the elusive "moderation fairy," convinced that her inability to control her drinking was simply a character flaw. With refreshing honesty, she shares how the birth of her youngest son created the perfect storm that forced her to confront her relationship with alcohol.

What makes this conversation so valuable is Kim's candid admission that early sobriety was miserable. Far from the instant transformation often portrayed in sobriety narratives, she describes her first sober work event as "an out-of-body experience" where she was simply going through the motions. The magic formula? Doing things three times. "You've got to break the seal," she explains, describing how we need to create new neural pathways for experiences without the dopamine hit from alcohol.

The most powerful moment comes when Kim describes the clarity that eventually arrives—what she calls being "sucked out of the Matrix." Suddenly seeing alcohol culture from the outside reveals how limited that world really is. In contrast, sobriety opened doors to new friendships, hobbies, and experiences she never would have discovered while drinking.

Whether you're sober-curious or years into your alcohol-free journey, Kim's practical strategies for navigating social situations and her description of hosting retreats where people have genuine fun without drinking will inspire you to expand your own definition of what makes a good time. As she wisely notes, "A shit night out is a shit night out, whether you're pissed or not—you're just numbing yourself through it."

Ready to break out of the matrix and discover what lies beyond the bottle? This conversation might just be your first step toward a more authentic, connected, and genuinely fun life.

Contact Us:

https://www.meganwebb.com.au/podcast-1


Ali

insta: https://www.instagram.com/idontdrinkfullstop/


Meg

website: https://www.meganwebb.com.au/

insta: https://www.instagram.com/meganwebbcoaching/

bookclub: https://www.alcoholfreedom.com.au/unwinedbookclub

Connect AF: https://www.elizaparkinson.com/groupcoaching

SPEAKER_01:

Hey, how you going, Allie?

SPEAKER_00:

Meg Zay, I'm really well. How are you, love?

SPEAKER_01:

I'm good. I'm very good because we have a special guest today with us on Laughs Without Lager.

SPEAKER_00:

And who is that?

SPEAKER_01:

It is our friend Kim Raysmith. Woo! Kimmy Ray! Kimmy Ray, Kimmy Ray! How are you doing, guys? Good. How are you, Kim?

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, pretty, pretty awesome. Just getting ready to go on a big retreat, host a big retreat in Bali. So all systems, all psycho like energy is going in towards that at the moment. Um in between kids' birthdays and you know, running around like a crazy woman.

SPEAKER_01:

Amazing.

SPEAKER_02:

Coaching and yoga, breath work, 9D breath work, doing all of that right now.

SPEAKER_01:

So you're not busy. You're not a busy woman. And just just for everyone listening, Kim, we have spoken on here about the retreat Ali and I met on in Pukat, and Kim was the host of it. So it's very cool to have you on. Kimmy, and you're still doing the retreats, and you're off on one soon. That is so exciting. I am.

SPEAKER_02:

I am, I am. I'm off on this one's a joint one. So I'm doing this one with the Sarah Rustbatch. She's a friend of mine and also uh server coach. Um so we take a big this is like a big one that we do. Um so yeah, I often uh partner with people. So I partnered with Eneco uh for a neutropathy one earlier this year, and now I do ones on my own. So like the ones you were on, um, are just like my little ones that tend to be a bit more bespoke, you know, 12 to 14 people and stuff. So yeah, it's good. We mix it up, you know. Bali, Thailand. I'm doing some here now in Perth, down near where you are, Ali. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, amazing. Southwest. I will get over to one in Perth at some point. But um, yeah, anyone listening that's looking for something like that, it's one of the best trips I've ever been on. The retreats, the bunch of women, I think there were what 11 of us, and non-drinking and in Phuket, and it was amazing.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, amazing. So the thing about it, you know, I mean, all retreats, whether you're sober or identified sober or whether you're not, you're coming on this retreat and you're not drinking, right? Because we're on our health for free. So can I swear on here? Sorry. Yes. I'm uh I know Ali's on here, of course I can fucking swear.

SPEAKER_00:

Can I Yeah, bye guys?

SPEAKER_02:

Um and yeah, so you know, you're all you you're all together, and just the thought of anything like that's just off the table. Like you don't even you don't it doesn't even kind of come into the the thought pattern of the equation, and that's what I kind of love about it, because I have some people who you know drink regularly and stuff or you know, um aren't on the sub journey or anything, and it it just it's just not an issue. And all of a sudden we're just there and we're laughing and we're doing all sorts of shit and we're going out and going crazy, going crazy. Um and it and it just shows when you're in the right company, fucking alcohol doesn't matter. And that's what I love about that's what I love about doing that.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, the one thing that shocked me about Thailand, because of their drug um rules, I was shocked of all the that marijuana's legal. Fucking hell. So that was my big trigger. I was like, fuck, I'll just meet up with you back at the um I'll just meet back at the uh thing. I've just gotta do something, you know, pop in and have a buddy split. But I didn't, obviously, because I didn't need it. But yeah, that that was quite uh full on because I mean, you know, as a kid or not so long ago, you couldn't even it was in a couple years ago you didn't go to jail. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I didn't even know when they changed the law and it just went berserk. It's actually a bit it's way too much. It's a bit shit, actually. I don't I don't like it uh as far as how much pot's there and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_01:

Call me naive, but I didn't know there was pot there when we were there. I didn't um what?

SPEAKER_00:

Hello it's fucking like mole leaves every freaking cafe. I was like Homer Simpson in the oh, there's another marijuana cafe, and I'm like, oh don't look Allie. Are you serious, Mike?

SPEAKER_02:

Do you know what I noticed? I mean I've been to Thailand so much since it's um you know since before and then after. Yeah. I never really see people there getting stoned. You know, it's people in Amsterdam. There's all those things. I I see more in Amsterdam people getting stoned and stuff, but in Thailand it's just like no one's really again, maybe they're just getting stoned.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't know. Everyone's probably shitting bricks, mate. That's just for is this for real? Because you know, you could literally end up in jail. So they're probably a bit scared. Scared and paranoid. So you're how long have you been uh alcohol freedom from for?

SPEAKER_02:

Oh look, do we do we call it like in in AA terms, I'd say like it's about seven or eight years. But I started about ten years ago. I al I always know that because my son's birth my youngest son's birthday and it was when he was born. I was like, oh dear, the wheels of thunder to really fall off, my love. And uh and I haven't got a control of this shit. Or I I had no I think it was that my control measures were taken away from me, you know, work, exercise, and the perfect storm when you have a screaming baby and all this time on your hands on maternity leave was just like hello, hello, yeah, and and you know, and I kinda you know I knew it, but um, yeah, so it's been a it's been a while. And you know, if you if you want to talk about that, it's like uh I I did it tough. Like I didn't I wasn't one of those people that was just like, yeah, I'm gonna stop drinking, and oh yes, it's tough when I did this and that. And it was it was like bigger than ever for me. I I wanted to be sober like I wanted a fucking hole in my head. Like there was just no way in the world that I was at all ever aiming the sobriety. I just wanted to control it and figure out whatever that uh magic potion was. Moderation fairy. Yeah, yeah, the moderation, you know, mystery. Which is that I somehow was just stupid, greedy, and a pig, basically, that I couldn't control this thing. And so my whole life was just around how how do I control it? And my whole life worked around really control measures. And I only knew this, I don't I know this on reflection, but at when you look back at what your behaviors were, and at the time it was just like, you know, work trying to work, trying to, oh no, I'm drinking too much at home. How do I get out of home? How do I put the kids in care because this isn't working? Um, you know, even before when I was working without kids, I was like, okay, I'll exercise at this time because that's the time that I'm I'm drinking, and therefore when I come home, I you know, my husband will be there or my boyfriend at the time, and therefore I won't drink too much. So if I had people around me, I drank quite normally. Um and well, you know, two or three glasses, let's say. Um I was still all coherent and and all that type of stuff. But give me on my own, like all bets are off. Oh yeah, couldn't control this thing, the the the beast in my head kind of thing.

SPEAKER_01:

So um, and I'd have like the blowout so that's interesting because um obviously, you know, I'm a coach, I coach a lot of people who for me I I loved there was a part that loved drinking, but there was a part of me that was like, it absolutely has to end. So I went into it knowing that's what I was gonna do, stop drinking. Not that it was easy, but I coach a lot of people who are sort of in that struggle that it sounds like you had that you you didn't have a plan to give it up. So, how did you get to here? How did that change?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, you know, it there's always different facets of your mind and how you think and stuff. So I think from the age of like 15 when I started drinking, I started working in a bar, really young, a bar environment. I worked at um Ogden's Bar and Grill down in South Perth, and you know, so drinking was around me, and that was really ingrained in me that that's how you made friends, that's how you do all this and stuff, and then I was you know, drinking on the weekends quite young. Um, and so I noticed quite early once I got old enough to work behind the bar that I couldn't kind of work behind the bar without having a little drink. Um, and it was like, what's I really noticed that it was like these points of noticing, and even at like 22, I was doing a lot of drugs at 22, social drugs, but it was overseas and stuff, and I I would never forget my best friend saying to me, Oh, I'm really worried about doing drugs. And I was always like, nah, I don't I don't love drugs. Drinking. I I love drinking, I love the social aspect, I love the fact that I put out you know, the the it put the the shy me away, and I could bring out who I really was and I could make friends. My my life was all about making friends, and I mean that's why I kind of do what I do now, you know, the coaching and the the retreat stuff because I just love I feed off other the energy and stuff that makes me shine, and so alcohol got through the barriers back then that I had never learned how to do, and I think this is the point, this is a problem with when you start young, which all of us 70s and 80s babies did 60 before that, right? We all started young, we're in Australia, right? Um, and and so we never learned that. We didn't know how to do that, we didn't have the tools, and we we don't have all the education that we have nowadays. So that's what we had to learn when when you quit. But so there was this element of me going, oh, I I really, you know, imagine I always used to say, Imagine how good I'd be if I if I wasn't drinking, you know? And so I always thought life would be perfect, I would be this amazing successful person if I wasn't drinking, and because I blamed everything on the fact that I drank too much and you know, couldn't, you know, fail uni and can only just kind of get through taste and stuff like that. Um, so I kind of always in a way I did want to stop, but then I didn't. There's not a way I really wanted to stop. I loved it. I love going out, getting, I love getting together with girlfriends and oh first one getting the wine and the champ is out and all that. Yeah, you know. Um and that and that really I think kept me trapped. Yeah, because I did not, I did not know or believe that it was possible to party sober or have a good time. Really, my core belief set was like you are doomed. You will you and and that's where I ended up for a long time when I knew the wheels were falling off when I had the kids, and I was just like, okay, well, well, this is it, I'm now doomed. I I will live this life of misery. Um, and that that's really how it felt. Um, and it felt like that for such a long time, uh, unfortunately. And that's I think that's why I crushed it. I'm like, I don't want it to take as long as it took me. I know how to get there faster. Let me teach you how to have a fucking good time. But it does take time, it takes time. And I think that's why I started sober party people.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I relate to that. I think, you know, I loved partying with friends. So the thing with partying was, and now, like like you, you know, I thought it wasn't possible to have fun in that. I'm I ri why I love the retreat so much is because I really like partying with people that aren't drinking. So I still I'll go somewhere where people are drinking and I can have fun, but I don't want to hang out for too long. Like I'll cut it at two hours or something because I do find it particularly frustrating and boring hanging with people that are drunk. So, what I love the most is is exactly what you're doing, and I wish there was something like it over in Sydney because I want to party more with people who aren't drinking. So, yeah, do you want to tell us a bit about the sober party people? That's your your brand, your company.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, it's one of my brands. Like there's me, Kim Ray Smith, coaching, but there's also the sober party people. And I started sober party people way before I was doing all the coaching and stuff like that, and and I and I did it for kind of a couple of reasons. Was um after when when I first started trying really trying to get sober, really, really struggling, like life sucked. Like I just was miserable. Um, and I had loads of anxiety. Nothing was miraculously better how I thought it would be. Um because I had to work through all my shit, right? And I had to kind of figure out this terrible anxiety problem that I actually had underlying all of this that had been exacerbated by alcohol. I had this overactive, you know, um hyper-vigilant mind and stuff. Um, and so it was really I I and I I talk in threes for this. So I was um involved with the National Association for Women in Construction, and um I remember the first big um we had an awards event, the first big awards event, and I was there sober for the first time. It was just terrible. Like it was like I was almost out-of-body experience, and I was just going through the motions and I was kind of dancing on the dance floor. Everything was just pretend. I was just totally pretending, and inside of me I was dying, like just dying. And I had no coaching or anything like this at the time. Like it was just I had no knowledge. And then come another year, and I was still sober. I went to the next Narwhic Awards, and I was like, oh fuck this is this is quite easy. I'm actually quite enjoying myself, it was okay. I think I was still smoking at the time, so it was just like yeah, it was alright. It was like I was a lot better than the month before. But then roll around the next year that I was like, Well, fuck me. I was dancing on the table, I was like, everyone thought I was magazine and I was so fucking sober. And that, and it was really at that time that I was like started sober party people. I was like, oh, oh, you gotta do things three times. Like that was kind of my thing. Three times to the five times. You have to go, you gotta, you gotta break the seal. You've gotta get in there and start these new neural pathways for stuff that you think you might like, you know, because you know, you love to dance and you love people. Well, I love to just love people, but I'm not fucking enjoying this over. But then once you do it once, it's like anything, it's like getting on an airplane and not drinking it the first time. You know, everybody, the next time it's like fucking magic, it's easy. It's like you've you've burst, you've done it. The bubbles, the balloon has set off into the sunset, and there's no problem. And so, you know, I really wanted to um just make no pe let people know straight away, look, it absolutely you can have a really great time, but there is kind of a formula to it, and you've got to follow, you've got to push yourself and have this formula, but you've got to be ready, and you've got to, you know, you've got to be around the right people, you've got to actually have these milestones. That's what it takes more than a year to really genuinely be having your a party like I am. I mean, I'm fucking having a good time a lot. I know I'm having a good time all the time, but I mean a shit night out is a shit night out, whether you're pissed or not, it's just you've numbed it out because you're drunk, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, like but I I find I think it was good to to have that like if you go to a a show, you know, I think that's a good way to go out as well sober. So instead of just going to like one to do something, because then you're not standing there holding on to your zero, you know, or your lameline of bitters, you're actually distracted and you're watching something. So, you know, a couple of times I think you and I, or you know, with your group, we went to comedy night comedy night and fun things because that also is a great in-between to then go to see a band or dance because you still need to have that like the the breakup.

SPEAKER_02:

It is one of the key elements that I talk about about well, how do you have a really good time? How do you learn to have a good time? You're gonna learn, you're a baby when you stop drinking in certain aspects of your life because you haven't learned that yet. And one of them is well, how do you have a good time when it's not revolved around alcohol? Yeah, because really, when you look at it, a lot of alcohol's boring. Like people are going there, talking bullshit, drinking their stuff, numbing themselves out, they're not actually doing something repeating themselves. All of that. So, yeah, one of the first things you gotta do is go and have a purpose. Pick things that you've got that purpose, you've got that reason, you've got a reason why you're going out, and then you can talk about it afterwards because what you're dealing with is your feelings and your emotions, and you're feeling uncomfortable because you're doing something new for the first time inside your brain that isn't triggering a good dopamine hit of feel-good chemicals because it's the first time. It only triggers it the second and the third time you do it because you're starting that loop, right? Yeah, that's the kind of the chemical side of it, and yeah, you you know, you're getting used to the new you. This is about exploring well who you are. What do you like? You don't know. I've been drinking my whole life, I don't know what I like. You gotta push yourself, and that's why coaching's really great with stuff like that, or being around other friends, right? Or just even knowing, going, okay, come on, get get through this shit, and then it'll all start to come into an and it is it's just it's a formula, like have a have a purpose, you know. Go on, go and play pool. If you have to go to the pub, make sure there's a dartboard there, you know.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02:

Don't you reckon?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah. And like when I went to a friend's 50th, I was very near into it. My knees were knocking, mate, because you know, you'd always I'd drink a bottle of fucking champers before I go, um, probably suck a cone and then off we go, ready, good to go. Um, but I I did the AF um champers, I drove and I was like, put the music on, I'm like, woohoo! Sort of faking it a bit. Yeah, I was so anxious. But then when I got there, and you know, everybody couldn't believe that I wasn't drinking. But what also when I was starting to feel a little deer in the headlights, I looked around and they needed the cake cutting and they needed this and that. And I sort of just intuitively looked around and I thought, you know, because as a host and you're drinking fucking everything just gets forgotten, you know, you think, oh shit, where was the pinata? And my 10-year-old was, you know, it's like, oh fuck, forgot about it because you're drunk. Um, but yeah, so I just sort of went, Hey, do you want a hand? And she was like, Oh my god, yes, thank you. Yeah, and you just keep busy. You know, and if it's out of home, then you know, no hostess is gonna tell you not to do the dishes or clear the tables. Yeah. And it just breaks it up, and then you meet people, and you know, you're not having to stand there like, Why are you drinking and explaining yourself, even though that's fucking shit anyway.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I went to a party once and the um host got so pissed that they forgot to feed everyone.

SPEAKER_00:

That's so common, isn't it? It is.

SPEAKER_02:

It's that first drink, and then it's fucking what yeah, yeah, and you know, like going like it and that's only kind of been that thirsty you really have to be doing this stuff, but it's like it's not forever, right? As long as you've got your sobriety, it's not forever. So you'll be off partying. I mean, I love being with these people because they're on like well until they get like really messy, and then I'm like, bye. Because you they pick up on their energy. I mean, I'll go and have an energy drink I I don't drink energy drinks, but I will if I'm going to a big, you know, event. I like want that boost or something. Yeah. And I usually will like I spend money now on how I feel. So I'll wear something. I mean, I'm really into dress up, it's okay, you know. So like I own a you know$2,000 Elvis outfit. Not that I wear that out all the time, but I am how you get to Bali, by the way. To the next one. Oh, good! Yeah, but uh this is me um theme, and I'm like, it's really heavy, so I actually don't know if I can fit it in my luggage, the Elvis outfit. But I'm like, well, Elvis is me. I mean, I've been dressing up since I was five years old, pretending to be somebody else. So that is, you know, this is me. So I have a story behind it. Anyway. Um, so yeah, look, dressing up, feeling good when you go out, you know, wearing a key piece of jewelry or something that's a talking point. Like this this one that I got, um, it's a um a third eye with an opal in it. My best friend gave it Christy, and she it's a real talking point. Like people come up, oh I love that, you know. So just having something special like that, it's a yeah, it was because you feel nervous when you first go out when you're not drinking, because you're used to alcohol had the job of getting rid of your nerve. Yes, and then you're fine. So all you have to do, your job now, is like, oh, how do I work on myself? Because alcohol was doing that job, so I need to learn how to do that job for me. So it's a it's a it's an inside job, isn't it? It's like learning about doing all the jobs that you got fucking booze to do all those years. Yeah, and then it becomes easy.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and also just pick the you know, I was on such autopilot with my people pleasing ways that I'd say yes to things and then you know I'd have to drink you know a bottle of wine before you got there because you're thinking, oh fuck, you know, I actually don't want to go and get all anxious, but now you can make that decision of no or yes or no. But in early sobriety, 100%. If you have to sit home and fucking, you know, watch crap TV, then that's more important than being out there trying to, you know, prove yourself to the piss heads, you know.

SPEAKER_01:

That's what I was gonna say. You don't have to like everything. You can choose, and I can choose I actually don't like dancing. I love a dance class, but I don't fucking like dancing.

SPEAKER_02:

And so I don't know, treat when I made you dancing.

SPEAKER_01:

No, no, not like that. But I don't like you know, I when I was a drinker, I didn't like four hours in a row of dancing. That the long all-night dancing. It's just not my thing. I've tried it, it's not my thing. Twenty minutes, yes, yes, that's fine. And if it's eighties music, even better. But some people just want to go and dance all night. Well, that's what I've discovered is not really my thing, and that's okay. So it's about trying different things and picking and choosing what you like, or doing what I do and like staying somewhere for a couple of hours and then leaving when I decide I've had enough. That kind of thing.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, yeah. And look, because a shit night's out, shit night out, whether you're drinking or not, you're just numbing yourself through a shit night out.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, what was worse with a drinking shit night out, it was worse because you get home and go, and I wasted all that money. At least when you have a shit night out and you're not drinking, you didn't waste anything.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, that's it. And you go, Oh, thank God, that's over. Yeah, thank god that's over. And then you get really good at you you start to get good at your boundaries, you know, and and staying at home is a part of like being able to party sober is at first, no, it's not a failure to stay at home. I think this is where a lot of people fail is that they're like, Well, here I am, I'm at home, it's like month two, fuck this shit. I'm not having a good time, I'm gonna go out, fuck that, I'm gonna go out and drink again. Well, no, no, you just you know, it takes a bit longer than that. Yeah, it takes a bit longer than that. That's why, oh, you haven't done the work. Like, you're getting to know yourself. Do I like you did make? Oh, you actually don't like dancing. But you that took you a little while to figure out when you're sober, right?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And and and the same thing, you know, staying at home. It I I've you know, I meet people who are like, I'm lonely, I'm depressed, I'm bored. And it's like, actually, it's okay to be alone. It's it's okay. And when you do the work that, you know, you're talking about Kim, you you embrace it. And actually, part of the cycle of life is there are times, especially when your kids grow up, that you might be alone a bit more. And that's okay. And and so maybe it's looking at why do I feel I I should be doing something or need to be doing something, or that drinking's the only thing that's gonna fulfil me. You know, have a look at why. Um, because often it's it's some belief you have around it, you know. I'm lonely.

SPEAKER_02:

Are you really?

SPEAKER_01:

You know, like that.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, and you have a belief. I mean, this is the thing that you haven't done the work because you still believe that alcohol is is how do you enjoy yourself and fun. Because when you do the work, you get to this point, your penny drops, and you're like, it's I call it being it, you're sucked out of the matrix, and you're like, you're standing there going, Oh, okay, I get it now. Oh, you guys drinking are in the matrix, and you don't want to get out. And here I am in life, and yeah, you might be cold, wet, and nude, but you're like, Whoa, this is life, and then you start wrong, and then you climb that mountain, and then that's why you know we've climbed the mountain, and we're like, Holy shit, we're strong now. That that was hard, like first year for me anyway. Come on, yeah, it's pretty hard. Like, so five people just go out with some friends and the TV because when you're around other people and their energy, and I'm all about energy now and stuff, I've changed so much. Yeah, uh, it's like it's like magic when I had a retreat in um February, and we were on a yacht, it was like magic, it was fucking magic, it was more so magic, and um we were all dancing and stuff anyway. Me and this one lady, we did dirty dancing, you know, to the dirty dancing song. I had the time I like, and you know, she turned around to me at the end, she said, you know, that's the first time I've danced since I've been sober, and she'd been sober quite a long time. And I was like, wow, yeah, you know, it was just it was just magic.

SPEAKER_01:

So being around that environment. Oh, yeah, other people's energy, absolutely, and that's why our trip was so good. It was it was just each other's energy and and just enjoying the moment, being in the moment, you know, that was what it was.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah, that's like what I was gonna say with the you know, I've never ever air guitared sober. Yeah, let alone being on a boat sober. So those two things.

SPEAKER_02:

You're like going for gold and the air guitar awards for a nine.

SPEAKER_00:

I know, and you know what? In Finland, they actually have air guitar bloody awards, and I heard that on the radio. I'm like, what the hell? I'm gonna go. Fuck comedy, I'm going to air guitar.

SPEAKER_02:

I'll put that on video. Let's put that in.

SPEAKER_01:

Do you know what I did? Do you know what I did sober for my 50th, is which is something I've done since I was 18 drinking, is karaoke, and it was awesome. Karaoke sober is so much better. It's so freaking fun, and you can actually read the words. Like, oh my god, you can read it. Um but the timing, oh god, I loved it.

SPEAKER_00:

Get the timing right.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, everything about it. So I had a 30 people come to a 50th party and we did karaoke, and it was like a lot of people are going, your house. No, it was at a a Chinese restaurant. It was the best ever. It was the best ever.

SPEAKER_02:

What's your song? What was your song, can you remember?

SPEAKER_01:

My favourite songs and one I do every time is Love Shack. And um I've got B52s, uh Um, You're Sovain, absolute one of my favourites. Like, and you know, for my 40th, I had a party at my house and had karaoke, but I was drinking and I cut my head open. The the karaoke machine that we'd hired was broken. The different experience to when I was 50. Um, and oh, it was huge. And people are like, I can't do karaoke sober. Well, if you're passionate like me and you want to do it again, you can do it, even if you just start small. But it was very, very fun. Very fun.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I I went on a choir camp this weekend. Choir camp with Mama Kingspender. Uh 135 people.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, I mean obviously they don't know who Mama King is. She's she's a uh well, she played the Australian artist partner. So she's married to John Balla.

SPEAKER_00:

So amazing, amazing, amazing. You know, 135 people singing, and again, it's like that. I, you know, people straight away, oh, can you sing? And I'm like, no, but just to try and bring back what did I like as a child. It was oh singing at church, and then at Sunday school was the last time I sung in in maybe maybe something at school or whatever in a assembly, and then it's that's exactly what was reenacted was all of us, you know, no one was put on the spot, all of us singing, and I'm like, there was fucking tears, and it was so cathartic, and um it sounds amazing, and you don't I didn't need a drop of alcohol. Of course not. Uh most of us didn't drink, it was all yummy food, but yeah, you know, this sort of stuff. I mean, that's I've been searching for that since I've been sober. So it's say baby steps, and then things come um, you know.

SPEAKER_02:

You've got to learn then, like once you take drinking away, I say there's this huge gap. Like I had a gap like the fucking Grand Canyon in my life because I hadn't done anything but drink. I didn't have any hobbies, I couldn't play any instruments and all of this stuff. So I had to turn back to my childhood to go, well, what what the hell, what the fuck can I do? And I had to start doing craft because the only thing I could think of was when I was 10, I had a my friend's grandmother taught us to do craft. So I was started to just get Deb handed a hot glue gun. That was all I could do to try and like fill to do something in the week.

SPEAKER_00:

With working with your hands, yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But um anything like that thing because this is the thing, like a lot of people all all you think of is and you're hanging around friends and they're the same, all they're doing is going out to the pub, wasting their time, so you get rid of alcohol and you're like you get back to basics. Well, what do I do? Well, you're gonna try a whole lot of and you gotta I'll call it you gotta spend it a money, right? Go out and do some courses because if you do a course, just like on your mummakin thing, right? Because it's like it's a it's a course or it's a day thing, you actually get to talk to people and you make friends, and so all of a sudden your network starts broadening. I mean, my network went berserk once I did my yoga teacher training because I met all these uh we call ourselves the yoga mums, right? So we're all around the same age and stuff, and um, it just opened this other world for me where it's you know, all my other friends are drinking, I still love them, I still go and hang out with them, but then there was like this other side that you know, and then there's this all these other things start happening, and exactly you have to you start developing yourself.

SPEAKER_00:

Whereas really you're just on the the the rat race, you're on the merry-go round when you're drinking, and then you hop off, and then you're like, there's all these different roller coasters you can get on, and like and even going to Bali, like or even I'd never been to Thailand, but just to do that um sober because every other holiday, like in Bali, where you know, you you just it's just all about. Just everything revolves around drinking. And when I try to and I did branch off and went and saw healers and stuff, you know, people used to just fucking berate you know, you're a fucking hippie or you're a weirdo and all that. So you never had that support or that like-mindedness, and then you know, we've done episodes and people stay drinking like me because you think you're gonna lose friends, and then you know, um, yeah, okay, you might have to just sit in your dressing gown a bit, but um then you become like yeah, look at when we've met you, I met you, Kim, because our friend Pedeker like said, Oh, my friend Kim's got Perth sober party, you know, then oh like it's just incredible.

SPEAKER_01:

And when you're drinking, do you know I was thinking when I was drinking, I'm making such good friends. I was making the piss head. So someone would bring someone along and we'd connect over drinking. Oh my god. So I'd get a friend here, a friend there, but we were just drinking. Whereas, like you said, Kim, we go somewhere that's um, say, the retreat or choir camp or whatever it is, and um we meet actual true connect connections, more than just maybe one person. And for longer term, you know, it's a genuine interest. Yeah, you will get more friends stopping drinking than you could ever have drinking. It it's such a world of uh I was so stuck in my small world of drinking.

SPEAKER_00:

In the backyard at, you know, the the school mum's backyards. I mean, fucking hell.

SPEAKER_01:

But remember when you'd meet someone and you'd be like, oh my god, they're the best ever. It's because they drank like you, like realistically, I'd just met another drinker and I'm like Yeah, totally, 100%.

SPEAKER_02:

And you know, I think that's the hardest thing when you meet when you meet new people stovar. This is what I found myself, and I kind of don't do it as much anymore. But like when I first moved back to Perth, all these people were drinking around me and they didn't really know me, and I felt like I had to tell them, Oh, I used to drink like that once, and you know, I'm not boring, so you don't know me yet, you know. Yeah, then I had to talk about my old drinking times to try and connect to them. So it's like all about it's all about human nature, isn't it? About trying to connect and stuff, and so I see myself when it's new people. And now the thing is once you you own your sobriety and you're having a good time and you're not really you don't give a fuck about it and stuff like that. Guess what? Yeah, your friends start drinking less. This is what happens. Yes, people start coming to you going, Oh, how did you do it? Like, what like where are you at? You seem to be having a great time. Your life's really cool. I'm not, you know, and I don't ever push it on anyone. Uh all my friends, like I've got loads of friends who still drink, we have a great time together. We totally like they buy me non-alcoholic stuff, I'll buy them a bottle of wine. Yeah, it's not my business to be telling them what they should be doing. Um you know, but when they're ready, some people come to me, you know, yeah, and that's fine. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I mean, it's just like a you know, alcohol's like the toxic ex-lover, and and and the best way to get rid of them is to um, you know, become like this phoenix rising from the ashes, and we're just like, oh phoenix rising, yeah, I like that. You know, because it's yeah, you kept me fucking small and down and out and limited, yeah, and it's kind of like now kicked that to the curb that um fucking you know, trailblazer, and we all are, and we're swimming upstream, and it just the energy, as you say, it's it's very attractive, yeah. And people are very curious, and they're like, fuck yeah, if any fucking Bert can give you know a litre of vodka away every night, mate, yeah, and still look like she's having fun. I might actually be a curious and yeah, reach out.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, because there's something better when I think about getting together with you guys. I mean, I'm just like super, oh my god, I'm so excited. Just you know how I that same kind of feeling that I used to get about thinking about my first drink, you know? That I get that now from people or from things.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, that was my that was the favorite part, that was the highest part of my alcohol-free journey was recognized realizing I could have that feeling again. Yeah, so yes, and it's a natural, awesome, authentic high. But yeah, Kim, where where can everyone find you? Because we're gonna have to wrap up soon. I know we could talk all day. We could talk all day.

SPEAKER_02:

We could party all night. We could party all night. Yeah, baby. Your party for breakfast, actually. Your party is our level. Total. Um, you can find me, you can find I've got a private group, sober party people on Facebook, and it's also on Instagram, but I do more on Facebook on that. Um, and I do events. So, but uh Kim Ray Smith, Coach Yoga Retreats. So you can find all of the retreat information, 90 breath work, workshops, and yoga. Um, and all of the next ones that are coming up. Got the New Year's retreat coming up, and unfortunately the ones for next year are sold out. Oh, that's awesome! But I'll have some new ones coming up, the down south little uh getaways, weekend getaways at the retreat house that I've got down there that I've just set up with the sauna and the spa and the massage chair and the yoga room and all of that.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, it's a beautiful place. Uh I'm gonna get over for one of them at some point in the next year or two.

SPEAKER_02:

You're just down the road, so you're in cable.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm jealous. Oh, Kimmy, thank you so much for coming on our potty.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, thanks, guys. Love you, love you.

SPEAKER_01:

Love you's time. Look at my well, we'll we'd love to have you back on another time as well.

SPEAKER_02:

Take care, have a beautiful, fun weekend. Woohoo! Party's over.