Recovery Jimmy On Quitting Alcohol And Building A New Life

He started drinking at 14, and it didn’t stay “just weekends” for long. Recovery Jimmy joins us from Glasgow to tell the unvarnished story of how alcohol slid from buzz to baseline, how secrecy and withdrawal took over daily life, and why so many men in recovery still feel pressure to keep it quiet. We talk about the moment the “stiff upper lip” finally breaks, and what changes when you stop treating sobriety like a private struggle and start treating it like a life decision.

Jimmy walks us through drink driving, job losses, chaotic relationships, and the kind of coping that sounds unbelievable until you’ve lived it: cough medicine at work, vodka in the car, and repeated relapses that come back stronger every time. We also unpack rehab timing right as COVID hit, the loneliness that follows consequences, and the hard truth that motivation often shows up only after pain becomes undeniable.

From there, the conversation turns practical and hopeful. Jimmy lays out the recovery stack that helped him: hospital detox, AA, SMART Recovery, Zoom meetings around the world, quit lit, peer mentoring, and building a new identity through photography, a gardening business, and service. We also challenge the myth of “normal drinking,” discuss dating and relationships while alcohol-free, and share a moment that captures early sobriety perfectly: keeping an unopened vodka bottle for a world-ending scenario, then later choosing to pour it out and stay sober anyway.

If you got value from this, subscribe, share this with someone who’s trying to quit drinking, and leave a review so more people can find honest alcohol-free recovery stories.

Contact Us: 

https://www.meganwebb.com.au/podcast-1

meganwebbcoaching@gmail.com

Ali

insta:  https://www.instagram.com/idontdrinkfullstop/

Meg

website:  https://www.meganwebb.com.au/

insta: https://www.instagram.com/meganwebbcoaching/

Connect AF: https://www.elizaparkinson.com/groupcoaching

Transcript

Meet Recovery Jimmy

SPEAKER_03 0:42

Hello, Magazine. Hello, I'm good. How are you, Ellie? We have a special guest. That was nice. That was nice.

SPEAKER_01 0:54

I know. It's not a singer regular, but uh we have a special guest from Glasgow. We've got recovery Jimmy. Mate, I'm good.

SPEAKER_00 1:04

I'm good. Loving the accent. Loving the accent, Ali. That's great. That's great. Recovery Jimmy. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:11

Come on. Well, I also got I found you on uh TikTok and Instagram. And I just reached out to you. So thanks for coming on. Because what I also wanted you on is we just don't get many dudes that are alcohol free. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:30

I mean, first of all, thank you both, Ali and Meg, for for having me on and reaching out. Because you know, the more uh like I can get on to people's podcasts and and just to explain, you know, not much my story, but like, you know, how how we got sober, what we're doing, and just the message. Do you know what I mean? The more we can do that, the better. But yeah, I think there are a lot more guys, there's a lot more guys than we think out there, but they're not as open and wanting to discuss it. Do you know what I mean? It's that, it's that stiff upper lip, it's that I'm doing this myself, I'm fine, I don't need help. Do you know what I mean? I mean, we all I had that, but then it didn't work, and then as soon as I realized I needed help, I was like, okay, you know, but I was I've always been on the way of like as soon as I get sober, I was like, I am gonna scream this from the rooftops. That whole alcoholics anonymous. Like, I did I did spend time in a fellowship, but the anonymous part that wasn't for me. I was like, nah, I'm telling everyone to hold myself accountable, to but to also, I think when we get into recovery, that initial thing is we want to help others. It's like we want to give them what we've got now, you know. Um and that was that was kind of my thing, yeah.

Men And The Silence Around Sobriety

SPEAKER_01 2:35

Yeah, 100%. I I've you know for the first sort of I don't know about you, but for the first six to well, probably about the first year, um we kept it pretty low key because uh you know, all of my friends were our you know piss heads. So I had to be very careful of you know um where I went and and then um you know did a course with Danny Carr. Um but then after that, once I sort of just I just know you just know, right, that you're never gonna drink again. I was just like, right, and I did I just wrote to all who would listen and say, Can I come on your podcast? Because it was the same thing, Jimmy. It was like fucking I just feel amazing. I cannot believe that I gave the booze away and let's shout it from the rooftops because we're swimming upstream.

SPEAKER_00 3:24

Absolutely, absolutely, yeah, yeah. I mean it like like I say, there's there are some people that I I think when when I was in our did some time in rehab, and everyone in there, like it was maybe about 90% of us, were like, I want to be a counsellor. It's that initial reaction that we have that we want to help people. And I and I I know for me, like I I'm gonna be training to be a sober coach, but that's after five and a half years. There are some people that do it after like three months, and it's like, eh, are you quite ready to do that? But that's fine. If it does work, it works, like you know, all the best. But like I think sometimes it's like really, you know, um, it's it's worrying. But I think the more and more people that can be out there helping people, the better. Like, absolutely. Yeah, but it's just gotta be for the right things, and and and Meg, if you did do that after three months, you know, absolutely commendable. But what I've seen is that there's some people that aren't ready. You clearly are, you know.

SPEAKER_03 4:17

No, it wasn't that that straightforward. I think I wanted to be a sober coach before I even knew I was gonna get sober. Like it's just this weird thing where I was always gonna be some kind of life coach. I wanted to be on the radio. So look at this, I'm now a sober coach on podcasts. But um, yeah, so it was more yeah, it it it's four years now, so I'm certainly still I'm on the right track. But um, I find that with lived experience in all sorts of areas, this is kind of a natural progression. Like when bad things happen to people, quite often they want to, you know, go and help people going through the same thing. And it maybe to make sense of it for ourselves as well, you know, it's got to be worth something. Um but I do find in a lot of ways, and I don't want to get too down, but you know, people have been through losing people or something in the um justice system, you know, they they might go on to fight for that and and do it loudly. So kind of like what we're doing here.

SPEAKER_00 5:15

Yeah, without a doubt. And I think that's I think what I'm yeah, it's it's it's a kind of double-edged sword with me, I think, you know, because I do see a lot of people on Instagram, and it's like, really, were you that bad? And so suddenly you're charging like thousands and thousands of dollars, and you've just you do know what I mean. I don't I don't know, it's just a bit of contention with me, but I think that the majority of people that are doing it are doing it for all the right reasons, and they know that they're doing it for for for the same purpose. They're like, Well, this was given to me, so I want to give it back, and we all have that natural instinct, I think, to do that once we get into recovery. So, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:49

And as you know, Meg said in the past about uh, you know, us drinkers, we were sensitive, creative people, you know, and and and want to help and you know support. And I guess you know, that's our way of paying it forward, is you know, someone asked me the other day, like when you say you don't drink, you know, you can just you can just see the cogs turning, and they were like, you know, so were you like a you know a fucking alcoholic? And I was like, no, I wasn't, I was just sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, and they were like, Oh, that's cool, I like that. And I said, you know, there was town moments, but it just gets to a point where you just know deep, deep, deep down, you just just never wanted to continue that, but just didn't have the courage or the role models or whatever the blank is to to ditch the booze, and you know, yeah, some people did have massive fucking moments where they had to give it away, but um yeah, you know, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:53

I mean, I was gonna I was gonna say a thing just before that, like that you were saying about we want to help people and we want to you know give to people like that was me when I was drinking. Do you know what I mean? If there was people in a room and they weren't drinking, I was like, what are we drinking? Like, let me get you the drinks. That was in the middle towards the end. I was like, No, no, no, no, this is all mine, this is all mine. I'm not sharing this stuff because I need it, it's my medicine, you know. But yeah, yeah, we're very, very kind of social and uh uh you know, wanting to and also to make ourselves feel more comfortable. I think if there's if there's people just sitting there nursing one glass of wine, you're like, come on, come on, you know, let's fill it up. My glass is getting more than yours, but I'm gonna share it around so that I'm not drinking on my own, you know. And then I didn't care. Then I didn't care about drinking on my own.

First Drinks At Fourteen

SPEAKER_01 7:38

Uh well, I guess you know, on that night, do you want to tell us a little bit about you know your look what your story is and and yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 7:47

I mean my my story's I mean, I started drinking uh when I was about 14, which I think is kind of a usual kind of standard average age. Um, yeah, and it was it was up you know in the the streets, like yeah, I probably had a sip of my dad's beer or a sip of my mum's wine, but not a session. The first session I had was was when I was 14. Um, and pretty soon, like that was at home with my brother because my parents had gone away and he's a bit older, so he was like, you know, feeding me some vodka oranges, and then I was suddenly like we were all a bit geeky at school, like me and my my cronies, my crew, and there was other kids like out doing this at the weekend, and we were like, Oh, that's that's pretty naughty. Like we weren't super geeks, you know, but we were just a bit like these what are these guys doing? Do you know what I mean? This is a bit crazy. Getting like we were hearing the stories of people getting their stomach pumped and all that, and we were like, Oh, that's a bit yeah, but then as soon as I'd done this at home, I was like, I just loved the buzz, loved the feeling. And like Monday at school, I was like, guys, we need to we need to get some beers or cider or something at the weekend and do this, and they were all like, Yeah, okay, let's do it, let's do it. Yeah, I mean, it was up the woods in our little village. Um, there was a few others there. I think it was just a little party in the field. Like, if you saw kids doing that now, you'd be like, What the hell? You know, but luckily I'm not out in the woods at that time of night anyway. So um, I'd like we we kind of yeah, we just had a great night, and then it seemed to become kind of the norm. Like, I wouldn't say I don't remember, I wouldn't say it was every weekend, I wouldn't say it was every single weekend, but it became quite a thing, you know, if there was like an empty as we call it, which is like folks going away, so my friends would be like, Oh, I've got an empty, come round here, and we'd sit and we'd drink. And a friend of mine and me, so we started on like Diamond Whiteside or Merry Down, and then pretty quickly my friend and me moved to uh getting a bottle of iron brew and pouring half of that out, like a bottle of soda pop type thing. I don't know if you guys get iron brew over there, it's like you know, uh it's like orange, orangey kind of aid or whatever. Pour half of that out, pour in half a bottle of vodka, and then that was me for the night. So I didn't have to carry like a bag clinking about. I just had one bottle from the outset. It looked like a soft drink, and but that's pretty heavy stuff for you know a 14-15-year-old. Um and yeah, thinking about it now, like that on a on a from that age was pr quite a lot, you know.

SPEAKER_01 10:20

Um how did you buy that?

SPEAKER_00 10:22

Well, this was the thing. So at first we would get we would get people to go in. So we'd stand like round the corner from the shop, and one of us would go, and then we'd get like adults to go in. So it wouldn't be like a mate's brother or sister, we'd just get randoms off the street. So we're talking like so. I'm 46, so this would have been about 94, 95. And in our little village, it seemed to be that people would quite like we'd probably get a few knockbacks, but then pretty quickly, you know, someone would go in. This guy, this one guy really did laugh because he was maybe late 20s, early 30s, and he went in and he came out with like three bottles of Merry Down, and he was laughing because he was like, Here's me going in there, I'm buying a bottle of Moe and Shandon and three bottles of Merry Down cider. I think he was probably gonna go and propose to his wife, his his fiancee or girlfriend or something. I mean, he's well dressed and all that. Like, there's no there's no way in hell that I would do that for any any kids hanging around a shop now. There's just no chance, so you know, I'm not blaming them because obviously, you know, it was thankful at the time. Um but to be honest, not long after that, I started like every now and then I would try myself because I had a bit of stubble, I was quite tall, and eventually the locals, the local shopkeeper just kind of started selling to me. So so much so that I had older guys asking me to go in for them, and I was like, I'm not a chance, guys. I've already got mine, I'm not going back in again. So it was it was never an issue to get, if that makes sense. So yeah, uh not long after that we started smoking a bit of weed. Um, we started smoking cigarettes quite quickly after smoking booze, uh after drinking booze. So that was that was thinking back is just weird. Like we thought, well, we'll just smoke it when we're out, and then before we knew it, we were we were just smoking regularly.

SPEAKER_01 12:13

Well, something bad.

SPEAKER_00 12:15

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, they just go hand in hand. I mean, it took me a long time to to get off the the the Siggies as well. In fact, towards the end, I went back on the Siggies because I was vaping for many years, and then I went back on the Siggy's and then then quit it all. But um, yeah, so then started smoking the weed, and then like I had different little pockets of friends, so some friends wouldn't be doing certain things like like acid or speed, things like that. Whereas then I'd find other groups of friends that would would be doing that. So that kind of came on, and yeah, it was I mean, no that wouldn't be every weekend, that would be more like if we were going into Glasgow city centre for for a nightclub or something like that. Again, we were going into you know uh like over 18 establishments, but we all had fake ID and it just seemed to be easy to do stuff. Like, there's no way I think kids could get into nightclubs now. I'm sure they probably do, but I might probably be naive, but like they've got to have some really good ID nowadays.

SPEAKER_01 13:14

You gotta have the um well, some establishments in the city, you know, you've got to get the eye out Oh Jesus, really freaking you're gonna look in there with your driver's license and I'm like 50 something years old, and I'm like, mate, and I it doesn't matter, you have to provide ID to go in. It's also a safety thing, but I'm like, mate, it I mean, I was going to nightclubs when I was 16, I certainly didn't look like it.

Weed School Slip And Easy Access

Drink Driving Photography And Daily Wine

SPEAKER_00 13:38

Yeah, but that's you know I mean we did we certainly don't have that here on the Isle of Man because we're a bit kind of behind the times over here, but that sounds mad that to get into a club or a pub where you have to do a retin. Nightclub to do a retinal scan. That's crazy, yeah. Um, so yeah, so like school was school was alright after that. Well, I suppose once I started drinking and and smoking and that smoking weed, my schooling kind of took a bit of a tumble, a bit of a nosedive, because I was just smoking it all day long. Like the weed was definitely you know just uh I would I would get into school in the morning and my friend who drove would be like, Are you going to first period? And I was like, Nah. So I'd go in and register in the morning to say I was there, and then I'd go out to his car and just smoke up some roll up some joints, and then the guys had come out at break time, and then more often than not, we'd go to a friend's house. So you know, they'd maybe make an effort. I just wasn't even making an effort towards the end. I was just like, nah, school's not for me. Um, didn't really know what I wanted to do. That was the thing. I kind of lost a bit of ambition or whatever. Um, I did do a bit of college. Um my parents and me uh moved around quite a bit. Like as I say, I had an older brother, but he he'd already moved out at that point. So we moved to Aberdeen, did a bit of college, quit that, ended up working in a pub. Um yeah, uh, nearly lost my license once up there through drink driving, but I knew the coppers and they were like, Yeah, you're fine, just go home, just walk home, pick the car up later. Okay, do that. Um, then we moved to England Shire and I started working in pubs and had another job, and then one night I was driving home after working in the pub and I'd had a few too many, and I went the long way home, got pulled over by the police, and yeah, lost my licence. That was when I was 21. Um through drink driving, yeah, and uh it was like a two-year ban. And so the job that I was doing was working uh driving a forklift, and because I had to drive over a main road, they were like, We can't we can't employ you anymore. So I was like, oh shit. So I saw this as a bit of a kind of blessing in disguise because although I couldn't do the job, I was like, right, I want to go to college. I did this bit of bit of photography up in college in Aberdeen, and I really liked that part of it. The rest of it was crap, but I thought I'm gonna do the photography down here. Found a really quick, good course in Cambridge, did that, like, did really well at it, but came out like student of the year, kind of you know, triple distinction and all that. So it was something that I was like, right, this is this is good, yeah, I can do this. So, quite not long after that, after graduating, uh I got a job as a photographer. Now it was just it was just kind of still life. So we had our own studio, it was in the city of Cambridge, and I was uh shooting like luggage, handbags, rucksacks, that kind of thing. But I had this whole studio, I was making really good money, and I they were like, Yeah, you can use the studio for whatever. So I could have been doing stuff at the weekend, doing portraiture, doing my arty type stuff, but I just took I took my my foot off the pedal, you know. I just kind of thought, yeah, I kind of I've almost felt like I'd made it. And I didn't made it, I've literally just started out. I'm doing still life photography, product photography. I ain't made anything, do you know what I mean? But I met this really good bunch of people moved into this amazing flat, and it was definitely a party flat. And before I knew it, it was just yeah, things were just ramping up because I was always I was always a big party person, but this just kind of took it to the next level, you know, because there was just always something happening in that flat, and it got to the point where you know I've talked about this before, like my drinking was just a steady everyday thing at that point. Like it's crazy to think back now. I was like what 23, 24 maybe, and the co-op, which is this little uh like mini mart underneath where I lived, we had this huge flat upstairs. They sold three bottles of wine for a tenner, and that was yeah, so it was it was cheap, cheap crap. Do you know what I mean? It wasn't nice stuff, but like I was just that was my thing for like Monday to Thursday, you know, because I'd be in the flat. I'd just like most of the people in my house in the flat, it was a party flat, but it through the week everyone just kept in their rooms, they didn't really socialise, so I would just be in my room doing whatever, drinking three bottles of wine a night, and it was I think I knew if I went to four bottles I was rubbish the next day, couldn't do anything, really hung over. But if I did three, I was fine, I was fine. So like 23, 24, so you know, hangovers weren't a thing, but I knew if I went to four that was my limit, and then the weekend would come and you know it'd be all bets are off for everything, and I didn't at that time, you know, if like there was no one about, I didn't have a problem going into like like a pub in the middle of the town and just start talking to strangers, randoms, whatever. Do you know what I mean? I like the old spit and sawdust type pubs, so yeah, it was it was not uh not an issue to see me as maybe a 25-year-old just wandering around the city, probably a bit inebriated, like some old drunk, do you know what I mean? But I thought I was being a bit rock and roll, a bit cool and a bit edgy. Whereas from the outset, if you were looking at me, I was probably just a piss head. Well, I definitely was, so yeah. I mean, I guess I started doing some geographicals at that point because jobs weren't going well, people were moving on people in my life, you know, they were getting married and settling down and having kids, and I was not doing that. I was like, Oh, they're boring. What are they doing? You know, this is this is how we live. Because I, you know, as I say, still mid-20s, but I was like, I wasn't thinking about the future. I wasn't thinking, right, you know, should I be settling down? Should I like I'd had partners, I had girlfriends, but you know, in a weird way, some of them sometimes I just felt like they were holding me back because maybe they'd be like, Oh, let's not go out this weekend or whatever, you know. I was like, What? What what do you mean let's not go out? So I moved over here to the Isle of Man. This was my first time over here. My brother had moved here, and I kind of just yeah, I was doing silly things. Like I I took a I took a midnight flight to Mallorca in the middle of winter to uh basically just get away from it all. I was like, this is me, I'm I'm I'm disappearing. Didn't tell anyone, didn't tell my flatmates, didn't tell you know my parents or anyone, and just disappeared to Mallorca so much so that I like kind of got my laptop stolen from me, my phone, not my phone, sorry, my my camera. And my brother had to kind of basically bail me out because I was just in a mess because there was no jobs out there at that time of year. It's Mallorca, it's like a holiday town, you know. Um, so yeah, so I moved over to Elm. No, not even yeah, no, not at all. Not at all. Hola, hola, that's about yeah, por favor, yeah, but yeah, just this just one of these like I like when I went to the airport, I was I'd been drinking, do you know what I mean? And I'm not condoning drink driving, but that was just me. I was like, right, what am I gonna do? I'd been watching this film into the wild, and that was like he was going off into the middle of nowhere and doing his Alaska adventure, and I was just sat there watching this film, and obviously in my head, I was like, My life is shit, I need to get out of here. And I just drove to the airport and said, Where's your cheapest one-way flight? And they were like, Majorca. I was like, get me on it.

SPEAKER_01 21:15

Oh, at least you didn't do a bad grill smate.

SPEAKER_00 21:18

Well, I mean, I wouldn't have been able to. I was I was totally ill-equipped, you know what I mean? Getting there, like drinking in the airport, arriving there, booking into hotel. No money, really, you know, I had a little bit of savings, but not much at all. Not to set up a whole new life, and I still had rent to pay back home, like there was just no thought process. Like when I was on Vic's uh podcast, um it so brockward, it was like we were talking about maturity, and that was me. I was so immature, I didn't have any thought process for other people in my life, for my for my own well-being, and for what I was gonna do in the future. It was all you know, live for today. It's like that's bollocks, isn't it? Do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 21:57

It's selfish, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:58

So selfish, yeah. So I guess the Isle of Man was it was okay for a couple of years. I'd done a bit of fitness, I was doing I did a marathon, in fact. Um, but I worked for a bank, and banking life is just a bit hedonistic, so it didn't take long for it to kind of, you know, me find another group of people that were like, you know, up for partying. Um I think I kept a lid on it for a while because I was living with my brother and he kind of was making it aware that yeah, you're over here because your drinking was pretty bad. Do you know what I mean? Let's get a handle on that. And I was like, Yeah, I suppose I was doing a bit of secret drinking as well. Um, but that in my head was like, right, well, and I suppose it was controlling. My drinking because I wasn't doing it as open and outwardly as I used to be, you know. Um, and also we had we had a bit of a piss head housemate in the in and I was like, Well, I'm not like this guy, you know, because he was pretty bad. Um, but you know, I think he's I think he's tried to calm it down now. But anyway, so yeah, and that went on for a couple of years. Then I was dating someone in London, so I was backwards and forwards, and then it all just kind of came to a bit of a head with the job because I was I was phoning in sick by this point. There was a point towards when I moved out before I moved away, and before I lost my job, I didn't lose my job, but I I basically jumped before I was pushed. I had started drinking um cough medicine at this point because there's alcohol in it, and basically to to deal with the withdrawal when I was going into work, and I thought it was just a hangover, but it's definitely it's a form of withdrawal as well, you know. And I would so I would go and I got this little bottle, and I was like, and obviously no one can smell booze on you because they just you just say, Oh, have you got a bit of a cough, you know? But I could just be swigging this at my desk, and yeah, like, but that would give me enough buzz to get through the day and then get back on it.

SPEAKER_02 23:55

Wow, yeah.

Running Away Secret Drinking Withdrawal Hacks

SPEAKER_00 23:56

So I went through little bouts of like, you know, not really knowing how bad it had got, but knowing that I needed to deal with it in certain ways, and then that would like when I moved to London to to to stay with this this girl that I was seeing, it was just a bit party all the time again, you know. So I didn't have to do these little things to yeah, in and out of jobs there as well. We were all just party animals at that point, and and it was London, so there was never sleeping. So even if we were at home, we were drinking wine or beer, um, and at the weekends it was you know out and about. But most times after work, she'd go and meet friends, and I'd go meet friends or work colleagues, and then we'd all converge and you know, maybe get something to eat or whatever, but it was just it was just hedonistic again, and then I yeah, we we kind of split up, and I mean I don't know if it was to do with my drinking, but I'm sure that wasn't helping, you know. We weren't we became kind of like roommates, but we weren't we weren't really, you know, um in love as such, and then yeah, uh different things over the years. Eventually, I I was I was up in Leeds because my parents had moved here, so I was back here, well back there, kind of tail between the legs, and met a lady that was you know, she's very similar to me. We were both a bit hedonistic, um and just yeah, it was a bit of this codependent kind of madness relationship. We got two cats, uh I've still got one of them. She's you know, she's lived with me in I think this is her 14th property, uh like home. Yeah, and she's only I think she's only 12, so she's lived in more houses than years, but yeah, she's still good, she's good, she's chilled. I mean, that was a weird thing when it got to my really worse stages. I would always make sure I had food for her and booze for me. That's those were the two priorities, which is mad to even think about that. That I was still able to do that, even though I'd not even, you know, a pot to piss in, but I was like still still managed to to feed her, not feeding myself, like just feeding myself booze. Um so yeah, so it got it was pretty bad then, and then I had moments of kind of sobriety and kind of making amends and trying to sort things out, so much so my grandfather, he was nearly 96 and he'd been in full health. I was home and I was sober for nearly three months, and in those three months he just he took an infection and went way downhill and then passed. But I got to spend those three months because he was living at my folks and I was living there, and I got and he knew he knew my my crap over the years. Do you know what I mean? He knew what I was doing to my family and going through and all that, but it was just so lovely to have those three months with him, um, and him to see me kind of you know getting better. Um, and then uh you know I went off the rails again. Met met another lady, um, we got pregnant quite quickly after dating, uh, and then I moved in. And the night I moved in, we lost the baby um with a miscarriage, and it was it was crazy because we were gonna go and have the the 12 squeak 12-week scan on the Monday. Um, but yeah, through the miscarriage. So I took that as a woe is me, poor me, poor me, poor me drink type thing. And I was like, you know, this is if there if there ever there was a reason for me to drink, then the loss of this. And don't get me wrong, like of course I was devastated, like, but she was going through it as well. She was going through it much much worse than me. But what I started doing was I just started a new job and I would go and I I'd like I explained to them what had gone on, and they were like, Oh, yeah, you know, take some time. So I think I told her that I was going to work, and then I would go and just sit, like, not far from the house, but in my car and just and just drink, just drink vodka. Um, not really doing anything, just sitting there, you know, smoking cigs, drinking vodka. And it was quite looking back, it's harrowing now, you know, that that's what I was doing, and but I needed it, you know. I got to the point, and then I was like, even though I was back at work, I would go in for a few days and then I would wake up in the morning and I would start heading to work, and I'd be like, right, I'll just go and get vodka one more time, and then this will be the last. This just went on and on and on. Lost that job, but this became like a habit of a cycle, you know. I would get to the point where I'd been doing this for like three, four months, and then she would find out, and then I'd be like, right, I'm gonna get myself sorted, and genuinely meant it, you know. But then after like three maybe two, three weeks of being sober, or maybe just having beer, I wouldn't be grey anymore. I'd look in the mirror and be like, ah, you're you're alright, you can and then I would at every time because these were all relapses, you know. Like every time I relapsed, it was like it just came back tenfold. Um, long story short, on that, I I basically, after about I think we'd been together two years, I moved out, went to stay with a friend because basically she was trying to stop me drinking, and I was like, ah, not having that, that's not that's not where I want to be. I was going through one of those phases, moved into with him because I thought he's not gonna bother me. And eventually he was like, Yeah, what's going on with your drinking, man? Like, you need to you need to stop this. I was like, fucking hell, the whole world's against me. Like, why, why, why can't you just let me drink? I this is what I want to do. And I couldn't understand it. And then so my family, my brother, his partner, my ex and him all kind of got into cahoots, and they were like, You need to go to rehab. Um, so I I basically went. I this was just before COVID. Like COVID was just about it was a murmuration at that time, murmuration, it was murmurs, and I got into this this rehab facility, and two days later the whole world went into lockdown, basically. So it was it's quite weird because I don't know how I'd have coped out there if I had been still drinking and been with her trying to get to the shop, not knowing do you know what I mean? And all that like queuing, because what I was doing when I was with her, I was like, I would go, oh, I'm just nipping out for a bit, and I'd and I'd go up to the shop and maybe get half bottle or a quarter bottle, and I would down that and then throw it in the bushes and come back, and then I would do that again. Do you know what I mean? So it was like I wasn't just sitting there in the place with a bottle of vodka drinking that, but over the day I would have this amount, you know, and this was this was pretty much every day because I wasn't working. So I don't know how I'd have how I would I would have coped with being able to do that through lockdown. So it was it was great. I did 28 days in there. Um yeah, she didn't want anything to do with me after that, he didn't want anything to do with me after that. I then relapsed and just went on this big old summer of ranting behaviour, and I like I got this feeling that them two like they didn't even know each other before you know I moved in with him. Like I'd known him from school and he'd moved down. So I was like, I got this inkling that there was something going on with them, and they were like, Yeah, yeah, no, do we've just been chatting because of what's going on with you and this and that, and I was like, nah, nah, nah. And then eventually found out that they'd been carrying on behind my back, and I was like, just like you know what I mean, like stabbed to the heart, and that just was like, What do they say? Well, yeah, but what do they say? It's like drinking poison and expecting other people in the room to fall down dead. Like, I was like, I'll show them like what am I showing? Proving to them that I'm just a drunk. Do you know what I mean? So yeah, that went on. I eventually, I mean, he got me arrested for a day because I sent like some angry emails to them, and apparently that's like stalking harassment. So the police had to waste their time doing all this. I eventually got over to L Man because my parents had moved here to be with their grandkids, my brother's kids. So I eventually got here. I had another month or so of being back out there just drinking, drinking, drinking. Eventually, my family were like, nah, this this this is not going on. Like, what is it we need to do? Like, what what is wrong with you? And um I basically drove up north of the island um again, just trying to escape or whatever. My brother found me, he took me to the hospital. They couldn't they couldn't give me Librium to detox me that night because they kept on breathalying me and they couldn't work out why the the reading was wasn't going down. It's because I was nicking over to the shop and getting myself some wine and down that, and then because I was sat there in the waiting room and they were like, We'll come back in about 40 minutes, and I was like, right, okay, going over the shop, down in that, getting back in, and they're like, What is going on? What's going on? This is such a medical marvel, and I was like, baffling. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 32:39

He's made of alcohol, yeah.

Loss Relapse Rehab And Fallout

SPEAKER_00 32:42

So they gave me this little note that said, Uh, you know, to whom it may concern, it was like Jimmy needs to have, I think it was 40 mil of vodka eight times a day. It's like an old draconian tapering down method. So I had to give this to my folks and say, You need to go and buy me some vodka. And they were like, For fuck's sake, we're trying to get you off of it. Why do we need to go? And I was drinking like paint stripper vodka at this point, but they had to go buy me the you know, even the spurnoff. I was like, Oh, I'm gonna get some good vodka. Whatever they were giving me wasn't enough. Like, my mum had this little glass, shot glass, that she put some nail polish on it to mark out the 40 mil bless her, but it wasn't enough, and I was like, Oh, I'm just gonna go out for a walk, and then I would get more because whatever she was giving me, because I was rattling, I was I was withdrawing, and it was just it was so painful, and I just like needed it. So eventually, after a couple of days of that, my mum was like, nah, we're going back to hospital. So we just basically sat in the AE until I could get on Librium, and I stayed in the hospital for three or four days, and I was like, When I get out of here, I'm gonna do everything and anything I can to get sober. So that was like we have a local addiction charity here called Motivate. Through that, I did smart through that. I was doing AA sorry, AA was separate, but through the same premises, and one of the guys that works there, he did his own CA and NA. Now, drugs were never a major thing for me, but he was like, Alcohol's a drug, so you're welcome here. So I did that, I was going to the drugs and alcohol team, I was doing Zoom meetings with my old rehab place. I was finding because it was COVID, I was finding Zoom meetings for AA and A all around the world. So I was doing ones in Australia, I was going to like Idaho, and after a hundred days, someone said to me, Oh, yeah, there's a thing in AA called 90 days, 90 meetings in 90 days, and I was like, Oh, well, I've done like way more than that. I've done like 120 and 100. So that was for me, it was like I wasn't working, didn't really know that many people over here living at my parents' house, and I was just like, I am doing everything and anything. You know, I I'd taken myself off all the social media. I was just like, nah, I'm done with that. I was reading quit. I was watching stuff on YouTube, I was just just like engulfed it. Like I said, when we were off air, like I just shouted. Well, I think we were still on air, I shouted it from the rooftops. I was like, This is me, I'm Jimmy, I'm an alcoholic. I don't use that word anymore, but you know, that at that point I was, you know, because I was still I was still dependent, I was still obsessed with it, I was still kind of mentally obsessed.

SPEAKER_01 35:17

So powerless, as they say.

SPEAKER_00 35:19

What's that?

SPEAKER_01 35:20

Powerless, powerless, as they say, yeah, absolutely powerless.

SPEAKER_00 35:24

And once I admitted that, and once I admitted, like they said, once you admit that you will never be able to have an alcoholic drink again, it gets easier. And I was like, Yeah, that's what I was doing wrong. Like all those other times before, even though I was giving up, I still in the back of my mind was like, Yeah, but you'll drink again at some point, and that was always it. So it was like, Well, why won't it just be now that I'm gonna drink again? Do you know what I mean? Why is it gonna be in a week's time? So the fact that I always kept the fact that I was gonna drink again meant that I couldn't get sober, and it's that simple, really. I know it, I know it's so how long?

SPEAKER_03 35:59

Uh so have you been sober since then?

SPEAKER_00 36:01

Yeah, yeah. So that was the 19th of August 2020, so just over five and a half years now. Amazing.

SPEAKER_01 36:08

Awesome, congratulations!

SPEAKER_00 36:10

Thank you, thanks, guys. And it just flies by, believe me, it's like, yeah, it's crazy, isn't it? Yep, you know. Like I remember the first year, I remember all, but the first year was like, yeah, it was it was tough, and I was still doing the meetings, like, you know, militantly. I was getting my little chips and you know, little tokens, and I was doing all service and all of that. And then once I got past a year, I was like, right, now what? Like, what do I do now? You know, and I think I was expecting some big fanfare, and Angels going, Oh, he's done a year. Nothing that nothing like that happens. Like, I had a barbecue, friends and family were all super supportive, but I was like, now what do I do? So I wanted to start like rebuilding my life, you know, and getting like social again and and you know, maybe meeting a lady. I'd done a bit of like I don't know, online dating, but it was just it was not for me. But I stopped going to the meetings, not because I had any issue with it, I just thought I don't want that to become another addiction, you know. I don't want to be, I don't want to be a 60-year-old saying, you know, my name's Jimmy and I'm an addict. And that's fine for some people, but I didn't want to do that. You know, I was like, I want to kind of not move away from the whole recovery scene, but move my state of recovery on a bit, if that makes sense. Like I didn't want to have to basically, but they we were going through a little like circuit breaker mini lockdowns, and somebody was saying they were always saying, Oh, if you can't get to a meeting, you're gonna relapse. And I was that was always playing in the back of my head, and I was like, Well, what if I can't get to a meeting because of COVID? Am I gonna relapse? Like, I don't want to be in that situation. Um, so I think it takes it takes it's you know different strokes because I I like I didn't uh my recovery was like my own thing. Like I did the 12 steps, but I was also doing smart and I was also reading lots of quit lit. I wasn't just fellowship, you know. Um, and I think that can be quite dangerous sometimes. It does work for a lot of people and it worked for me, but I was doing other stuff as well. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:12

So what did you do? What have you done like to get you to hear? Because what you you went to AA for a year or a hundred days, like you know, it did it, did it for a year, did it for a year.

Hospital Detox And A Recovery Stack

SPEAKER_00 38:23

I then I I continued on with smart, and that would be once a week for maybe another year after that, and then um yeah, like I didn't, I've not been doing any meetings for a long time. I do I'm now a trained peer mentor for Motivate, so I do a weekly uh a bi-weekly meeting with them, whereas I'm one of the kind of counsellors, um, but I think for me it was just doing my Instagram um keeping with a lot, keeping just keeping in touch with a lot of people from the meetings as well, you know, and having a social circle and Instagram and TikTok. Although I'm new in TikTok, I was doing also like little YouTube videos way back in the day, so I was doing like like kind of long form um videos as well. So I was yeah, I was still kind of steeped in it, but I just thought I don't need to go to the meetings, they're there if I need them. Um but again, like I was doing I was doing my life, I I'd got back into photography, so I was I had a couple of exhibitions with that, and then I was selling my wares at different markets and things like that. Um, and I loved doing that, you know. Christmas time, I'd be out there at these different indoor markets selling stuff, and you know, maybe and I'd and I'd also been building up my own gardening business, so that was that's my main job, and I'd done that from scratch, you know, and that's that's you know pretty good now. It it keeps the the wolves from the door. And then after I was just coming up in my third year, and I was doing a market in summer, and this lady walked past me and she was like, Oh, hiya, and I was like, Who is that? And uh yeah, and uh I got our details off of a friend that that kind of did a little bit of poking around and found out, and yeah, she's now my wife, Jen. Married last summer, so another congratulations, yeah. Cheers, and that's the thing, it's like you know, there's lots of things that I was maybe pushing for in the beginning of my my recovery, like like going out on internet dating and all that, and it's like no offense to them, but they weren't right, and I wasn't ready, you know. And then I was like, when and I and I thought, you know what? I've been working on myself, like I had this little cottage, little thatch cottage up in the hills, and I I it was for the first time I'd actually started learning to be okay with who I was, you know. I could just sit there in silence, reading a book, and not have to shut out the noise. Like it took a while, but the noise at the beginning faded because that's that's when I drank, you know, I couldn't be alone in myself and I would just drink to to dull that noise. And eventually I got used to the noise, and I was like, actually, this isn't too bad. I quite like who I am, you know, who I'm becoming, who I was always meant to be. And I think you know, when I met Jen, that was that was just pure organic, and it was just the right time. But I always said to myself, if I if I don't meet anyone, like I'm not gonna push it, and if I don't meet anyone, I'm okay with that, you know. But is she a drinker or Jen will maybe have I think she's had two drinks since Christmas, so not really, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:31

Well, Meg and I manifesting our man, and you know, yeah again, it's not um it's not that we don't want anyone that doesn't drink, but it's someone that can be like, meh, I'll take it or leave it type of thing. I don't need to get you know, basically blackout drunk on a Saturday sitting on the porch.

SPEAKER_00 41:53

Yeah, if someone's doing it kind of quite regularly, and then like even the couple of times that Jen has told me that she's drunk and I've maybe gone to pick her up, I'm like, you're really not? Like I can I can still have a decent conversation with you, and she's like, I'm so drunk, and I'm like, nah, you're you're really not. But I mean, that wasn't like like we went out on our first date, and I didn't know what our drinking habits were, and it wasn't a prerequisite, but it was just it just kind of happened, it was just luck, you know. And as you say, like I think for me, it would have to be someone that was either sober or like Jen's habits, you know, not yeah, like like she had a bottle of wine on Friday last week, and she I think she had two glasses out of it, little little glasses, and that was it, and it's still in the fridge, you know. Like I'm like, there was no way I could do that. Uh an empty, like a f a full b uh half full bottle. I would have been swinging that in the morning, you know, just to take the intro.

SPEAKER_03 42:45

Totally. And I'm not, I just am not gonna ever be with someone that drinks a lot. It's just not what my future's gonna look like. Like that's yeah, I don't even think I'll be in the situation that I would meet someone who is drinking. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 42:58

Yeah, imagine getting chatted up by a a drunk guy, which I which I have, um you know and it's like like now you're gonna go to balance because it's really hard. Like, where do you meet? I'm sometimes I'll I'll have a look on Tinder and then it's just like no freaking way. The only message I have is from some like really old guy, but I I just that's just not me either. But again, it's really hard to well, it's not really hard because um or you know, it'll happen when it happens, but yeah, certainly not like the old days where you walk into a pub and then just fuck some random guy who said, Hey, you know, you look pretty and you're like, hey, do you want to have some?

SPEAKER_00 43:40

Yeah, let's go. Let's go.

SPEAKER_01 43:42

I'm like Donkey Kong.

SPEAKER_00 43:44

Is there uh Donkey Kong? Is there any like sober events near you, you know, like sober meetups?

SPEAKER_01 43:51

I live in the country. Sorry, I'm hanging out with you.

SPEAKER_00 43:55

Okay, yeah. Well, you're like me. No, we don't have them here either, but I see people in London. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:00

We don't have many that would okay, there's none that I could go to where I'd meet a man my age. So no, the sober scene here, I can't seem to find my niche, and I'm in Sydney.

SPEAKER_00 44:11

You need to set one up, Meg.

SPEAKER_03 44:13

Oh, I know, but I've done some it's a lot of work, and I'm just I'm still studying and working a lot. So yeah, no, I don't need to at the moment. But you know what? I went to AA originally when I gave up in 2018, and I loved the community. Like I did, I really loved that community. There were people who live close by who I really got on with, so I think that's an awesome place to. Meet people, but it it became too hard for me to get to the meetings. It was um and I didn't resonate so much with I mean, I really liked it. I didn't care if I had to stand up and say, Hi, I'm an alcoholic, but I 100% believe now that that's not me. Um, but I would like something like that with all the people that's maybe a bit more I don't know, mind less less militant, yeah. Yeah, and it's like you said, it's absolutely brilliant for some people. Um, but if I could take bits that I liked, just mesh them together.

SPEAKER_00 45:15

Yeah, well, it it it was exactly what I needed for me in the first year because of its militancy. Like if someone is talking and sharing, nobody else talks, and I love that. And it was like, this is my time, my space, and I come away from the meetings absolutely buzzing, but I needed that for the first year, and then it was like, right, you know, I've got a good footing now, I know what I'm doing. Um, you know, still got a lot to learn, but yeah, I'm I'm okay now.

SPEAKER_01 45:40

Yeah, because they understand, like people, you know, as we know, they'll just go, Oh, why can't you just have one? Because the normal thing is like because yeah, and it's like, yeah, you just don't get it, you know. Like I just was the can't stops, I couldn't moderate. Um, you know, and we all tried, didn't we? Um and that thing when you were saying with the label, like it just has to be there's just no, it's like a toxic codependent relationship. You've you've got to fucking slam the door. Yeah, you can't have the sneaky bitch sitting there, you can't, you've just got to be like um just have to just 100% fucking I'm doing it, and not thinking too far ahead, but just try and dunno, it's just well when people people used to say to me, like, why can't you just have one and I'll be like, because what's the fucking point in one?

Life After Year One

SPEAKER_00 46:33

Exactly. I would never like one is just a pointless waste of time. I might as well have a glass of water because I'm not gonna get a buzz off that. For me, drinking was not about the flavor, not about the socialness, it was just about getting absolutely thwarted. Yeah. So, you know, there's there's us and them, that's it.

SPEAKER_03 46:52

Oh, yeah. I pulled apart the normy thing because I kept saying to myself early on, why can't I be a normal drinker? And then I sat down and I went, What is a normal drinker to me? And one or two drinks is so bloody not normal to me. To me, that's torture, and it's not normal. So I discovered that normal meant to me, why can't I be a normal drinker? Someone that drinks a shitload but has no consequence, no hangover, like that's what I wanted. And it was like, Well, you're never gonna get that. So it helped me reframe what the hell I wanted because there's no world where I would want one. One, no, no, no, and I don't think that is normal, I think that's just a non-drinker, basically. You know, if they can have one every now and then, they're pretty much a non-drinker in our kind of world. But I don't know that normal even exists, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:45

And the other thing is, is like we can drink, I just choose not to. Like no one's got a gun to a head going, you know, like it's literally I can we can all just go down to the bottle shop and get a bottle of vodka. Like, no one's stopping us except us, and it's just that's the part that you know, when you stop lying to yourself, and you know, that's the thing, like I can go and have a drink, I just choose not to, you know, and then that just stops people in their tracks. Or you know, when I first started because people couldn't believe that I wasn't drinking, I just said that I was doing a one-year no beer challenge. And that, yeah, again, we have to explain why we don't fucking drink poison, but um, you know, it's like yeah, yeah. So that was my sort of get out of thing, and which is great, and after that you don't, yeah.

Choosing Sobriety No Matter What

SPEAKER_00 48:37

Yeah, and I think there was like even five and a half years ago when I sober people were saying, Oh, you can tell people this, or you're running, or you're doing this, or you're driving. And I was like, All right, good, yeah. But I don't, I'm not gonna tell them, you know, I'm just gonna tell them. But there, but but there were so many people like, what do I tell my friends? And I was like, Well, tell them this or tell them that, but be honest as well. But I was I was gonna, you're gonna get exclusive now. I've never told this before in the podcast, but it's quite relevant because of what's going on in the world. So when four years ago, when Putin invaded Ukraine, I was like, Holy shit, this is it, World War III. So I was like, because I would have been I think I'd have only been like 18 months sober at that point, and I went down the Bodlow, as you guys call it, got myself, got myself a bottle of vodka, and for about for about three months I carried that around in my car. Like I was like, you know, like if I got a message on my phone saying, right, this is it, the nukes have been launched, I was like, I'm going out like this. Do you know what I mean? That was it, and it's such a weird thing for me now to go back. It was like, yeah, was that cowardice? Was that like I don't I don't know, but it but honestly the bottle never got it never got the seal never got broken. Eventually it went under my bed for a long time. And then a friend of mine said, because I told her about it, she said, I think you should throw that bottle away now. So I did. I went and like ceremoniously poured it down the sink. And you know, and I've bought booze since then, but it's been for people. I don't buy it for people anymore. But you know what I mean? It was just that one time, and obviously with what's going on in the world now, I'm like, Do you know what? Like, if it does happen and a nooks gate launched, I'm going out sober. I don't care, you know. But that's the difference. Is that exactly that's the difference between two years sober, 18 months sober, and now, you know, and it's like yeah, yeah, yeah. There's just no reason, no way, nothing now I know that would make me drink.

SPEAKER_03 50:27

Yeah, yeah, that's so cool. Um, I think we we're gonna kind of probably have to wind it up. Of course, yeah, yeah, yeah. Talking, so maybe we can have you back another time. But that was so cool, it was so good to hear your story, Jimmy. So thanks.

SPEAKER_00 50:41

Thanks, guys. It's been been absolutely great.

SPEAKER_03 50:43

Yeah, and so where can people find you when they're listening and they go, I want to find Jimmy?

SPEAKER_00 50:48

So my main uh home, as it were, is Instagram recovery underscore Jimmy. You can find me there. Um, and we can find my podcast on any of the podcast platforms, pretty much. Uh After Hours with Jimmy Thistle. Um, it's on YouTube as well if you want to watch the video of that as well. Because I do it, it's all audible, audio, but I've started doing the videos on on YouTube as well, so that's getting quite good traction as well. Um, I'm on TikTok, I think it's recovery. And I've just gone back on Twitter, X, whatever it's called, but I don't really like that. But you know, people can search me and find me. But yeah, but Instagram's where I am. If people want to message me, um then Instagram's where it's at.

SPEAKER_03 51:30

Awesome.

SPEAKER_01 51:31

And we'll put uh, you know, our laughs without lager, we'll put the in the show notes where to find you, of course.

SPEAKER_02 51:37

Awesome, awesome.

SPEAKER_01 51:39

And um, yeah, I'm glad I reached out and we got the time zones. We're on three different time zones. How amazing.

SPEAKER_00 51:47

I know. So what time are you on, Allie?

SPEAKER_01 51:49

Uh 5 p.m.

SPEAKER_00 51:52

5 p.m. And you, Meg?

SPEAKER_01 51:53

8 p.m.

SPEAKER_00 51:55

And I'm on nine, it's nine, nine a.m.

SPEAKER_01 51:57

nine a.m.

SPEAKER_03 51:58

Look at that.

SPEAKER_00 52:00

I love it, I love it, guys. Well, have an amazing rest of your weekend. Love chatting with you.

SPEAKER_03 52:05

Yeah, you too, buddy. Thanks, Jimmy. It's been great.