She Saw a Mother Sleeping in a Box… and Changed 45,000 Lives

In this episode of SHE Asked: Tools for Practical Hope, Anna sits down with Deborah Koenigsberger, founder of Hearts of Gold, a nonprofit that has supported over 45,000 homeless mothers and their children.

Deborah shares how one moment—encountering a young mother and child sleeping in a cardboard box—led to a lifetime of service and impact. Together, they explore how to find purpose, start where you are, and make a difference without needing to have it all figured out. 

If you’ve ever felt called to help but didn’t know how, this conversation is your starting point.

🌿 Deborah is also hosting Fashion & Fill-Anthropy in NYC (April 21–22), a two-day event celebrating fashion, sustainability, and giving back—featuring a panel moderated by Soledad O’Brien, a fashion show, live performances, and more. 

🎟️ Learn more: www.heartsofgold.org

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Transcript

Welcome And The Call To Serve

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hi everyone, welcome back to She Asks: Tools for Practical Hope. I'm your host, Anna McBride, and I am so happy you're with us today. This is a space where we take real life experiences and turn them into tools you can actually use, especially when you're navigating change, looking for purpose, and wanting to feel more connected to something bigger than yourself. And today's conversation is really about that, about service, purpose, and how to actually begin. I'm joined by Deborah Konensberger, who is the founder and CEO of Hearts of Gold, a New York City-based nonprofit that has supported over 45,000 homeless and low-income single mothers and their children since 1984. And what's so powerful about Deborah's story is that this work didn't come from a strategic plan. It came from a real moment. A real human moment where she encountered a young mother and her child sleeping in a cardboard box in Madison Square Park and chose to respond. And that moment became a life's work. Before all of this, Deborah had a full career as a model and a stylist. And she still runs her boutique in Manhattan today. But for more than three decades, she has been focused on one thing: helping women rebuild their lives through education, job training, and real tangible support. And what I love about this conversation is that while Deborah has done this on a large scale, the heart of what she teaches is actually very simple. We all have the capacity to be of service. What we just need to know is where to begin. Thank you for joining us today on She Ask, Deborah. I'm so glad you're here.

SPEAKER_01 2:11

Hi, Emma. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

Thank you. And so we always like to begin our episodes with a story. So please take us back to what first led you to this life of service and what that journey has looked like for you over the years.

Creating Real Holidays In Shelters

SPEAKER_01 2:28

Okay. I will say the most important thing about my journey to service is it was almost unconscious because I grew up in a family where that was what my parents did. So it was modeled for me. And even though I was I rebelled against it and felt teenagers, I it just was there, right? There were just all these moments where my mom was always helping, so my dad was always helping someone. We were always the door was being knocked on, and my parents always responded. Um, and sometimes we're just inconvenient. I said, But dad, why don't you finish your dinner first? No, it's okay. I'm gonna go help for do this and I'll come back. So it was always this, it was always very clear to my brother and myself that when somebody asked for help, it was because they needed help. And if they're asking you, it's because they know you have the ability to help them. So that I would say is what this service thing came out of. But the reality, the actuality of hearts of gold came out of, as you said, a moment where I actually it's a tri effecta, I would call it. One of the one of the part one was meeting this woman. She was 19 years old, she had a three-year-old daughter, and they were sleeping in Madison Square Park in a cargo bus. Unheard of, insane. That park at the time was a run-down, largely uncared for, not safe, drug-filled kind of space, which now becomes this gorgeous park that it was not at the time. So it was scarier that she was actually there with a young child. Two, I was on vacation with my then baby, four-month-old baby, at a resort in Florida, and met a makeup artist who I reconnected with just because she was like, Oh, what do you do? And I told her what I did, and she told me what she didn't. And we decided she was hoping at the time that we met that something would happen for her by the time, like shortly, within a short amount of time coming back home. And six months later, she was in Burgolf living that would be Bobby Brown. And so when I met Bobby, she basically said, Listen, when I come back to New York, I'm gonna come by your store. At the time, again, she was a makeup artist, she was not known. And I'm gonna, and you can come visit the there's a shelter that I donate time to that I want to introduce you to because maybe you can do some work with the moms in the areas of styling and fashion and whatever. So I put a pin in that. I mean we did come back, she did come by my store, and we did make this plan that I would go with her to visit the shelter. And as life would have it, the shelter, it turns out, was between my home and my business. I walked past it every day and I had no idea it was there. So that was two. The most influential thing that happened in my life that actually made me then take steps and start the work was my my personal drug of choice, which is Stevie Wonder. And Stevie Wonder is I take him anywhere I get him intravenously, I'm like, let me put me on my CB dress. His words have always resonated with me, even as a child, and it's really interesting. I don't even know why, but I would sit there and I would write all the words to his songs until I had all the words written down, then I would sing with him and harmonize to his music on it. Let's say I grew up in the church, we sang and knew every word to his song. And my mother would always be yelling in the kitchen, stop scratching the record. Because of course, for me to get the words down, I would have to pick up the nigga, put it back, pick up the needle, put it back. So Stevie's song, Take the Time Out. I went to seven nights at Radio City Music Hall in 1994 when he sang that song for that album called Conversation Peace. And that song just kept resonating in my head. Just it just wouldn't go away. Take the time out to love someone, reach your hands out and touch someone, be it king or some homeless one. We are one underneath the sun. It's a live alone song. Most people won't know the song, but I implore you to go and listen to it. It's called Take the Time Out, and it's on the Conversation Peace album. And that that song, those words, those lyrics, CB, having met him and spoken to him about this now, CB doesn't even understand the influence he has. His words to me were that little soundmate did do all of that. And it's it's so humbling because he is, after all, CB wonder, and I'm sure that I'm not the only human out here who has influence, and I just took it to the nth degree, but those lyrics really moved me. With that in my backpack, if you will, I got those three ideas. I was like, okay, let me see what I can do. And so it started that year. I approached the sheltering director where I'd been to Bobby. We did a workshop together, it was amazing. And I saw at the workshop that there were kids and moms, and I said, What is this place? I had no idea of shelter life. I didn't know it existed. I didn't know there was this place where people went. I just didn't know. I grew up in a really small community that was our community of immigrants from the West Indies with my family and whatever. Went to school, walked to school, walked home. My world was really, when I think about it now, having traveled the world, my world was so small and I really didn't know a lot. And so I was educated about this. Yeah, these women come here and they save X amount of time with their children. They're mostly fleeing domestic violence, but there were all kinds of reasons why people become unhoused and homeless. And once I heard that, I was like, wow, okay. So then I had this idea, which was, okay, for Christmas, let me see. I'll talk to them about what they do at Christmas time. And there were 135 kids and 90 plus moms in the shelter at the time. And they basically said that they had a 99 cent, literally a budget, like a dollar per child at Christmas. They would go to the 99 cent store and like just grab things and then they would do a grab bag and each child would pick out a toy. I was horrified. That's how Christmas is, though. Christmas needs something. It is a time when you get 99 gifts, not one gift for 99 cents. So I asked them if I could help at Christmas. They're pushed away on board. And so I asked for all the kids' names and their ages and their genders and their sizes. And I decided that year that profit in my business would go to making Christmas happen on a real Christmas scale for the kids in the shelter. I at the time was a mother of two young boys. So I went called Hog. No pun intended, but Hog is our acronym for Hearts of Gold. So I decided to get a shopping bag. I would pick three toys, a stuffed animal, a book, and whatever else I carry there. Arrived at the shelter, went to the truck, made the bags for the 137 kids. We arrived at the shelter, we catered a meal. I hired a Santa Claus. We had a tree. And I remember so well the year. We pulled up at the shelter as the director came down, and because I needed help to get all the stuff inside, and we opened the back of the truck and she was like, Oh my God, what is this? And I said, This may find this business. And so it went. And we had a beautiful celebration, which was marred by one thing. I thought at the time it was marred, but actually, I think it's what it was just another moment within this moment that was like, okay, wow. Huh. So I watched this young girl approach her mom to say to her mom, look what I got. She was so excited. And her mother's response was, So what? Ain't nobody done nothing for me. That really hit my soul. I was really like, I had spent weeks preparing all this stuff and all the shopping and all the women. I thought, oh, that's her response. Fortunately, I came from the parents that I came from, and it was always about what was she really saying? What was the bigger message? And the bigger message was that I have never had that childhood, I don't know how to appreciate it for my own. So note to sell, moved on, had the party. And then at the time, I was I did a lot of styling work and appraisal work. And I was doing some work for Ivana Trump, who was an lovely human being who really was so kind. And I was, and she at the time had this jewelry line that she was selling online and she's making a ton of money and selling a lot jewelry. So I thought, okay, the next holiday, I guess I basically decided that when I would use her colours, I would mirror it after my life. And that meant that all the holidays that I would celebrate with the moms and the kids. Checking on the calendar, Easter was gonna be next. So I said, okay, we're gonna get Easter baskets for all the kids. I'm gonna fill them with the usual, and then we'll get a gift bag for the moms. So I asked Ivana if she would donate a piece of jewelry for each mom, and Bobby would donate makeup. And they both did. And I made these bags. So when the Easter bunny, of course, because now we have the Easter bunny, we have all the baskets. It was so much fun running around. We had to buy all these hundreds of baskets, and we had to bought the straw and we fill them. It was so beautiful. And the Easter bunny again we catered the meal. And it was just wonderful to see the exchange with the moms and the kids, and everybody was taken care of. And it reminded me of the magnet on my mother's refrigerator, which said, if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. And here we were. Mama was happy. And so Hearts of Gold basically came out of that. And that's how I decided what this would look like going forward. In short order, it got very expensive. And I reeled in my two best friends, one from high school, wildest people, one from college, Jack Indian. And I said, Okay, guys, I'm doing something and I just need you to support me. Whatever. And they were like, okay, whatever we need. And now 32 years later, they'll say, Yep, she just basically called us and said, Write me a check, which we did, and we didn't know what she was doing, but it didn't really matter. And parts of really the story began.

SPEAKER_00 11:47

Wow. What a great story. When I think about it, at its essence, it was responding to what was right in front of you and literally in your backyard or front yard. And you found a way to be of service, not only to that mother and child, but also to the greater community within that unhoused shelter for mothers and children. It's incredible.

SPEAKER_01 12:16

Let me just add about the mom and the child in this in the park, because I approached them after a couple of days just to ask her what her situation was and why she's in the park. I got my neighbor up and was like, I need to talk to her. And she basically said, I've been molested at home. I went into a shelter. I was further molested in the shelter, and I am now going to take my chance down the street. I don't care. I'm okay out here with my baby. Wow. Really? That pierced, really, that was such a because especially in a scenario like that. So she's not even safe in her own home. And in my life growing up with my family, I cannot think of a moment ever where my only option would have been the earth, the dirt. There's an aunt, there's a cousin, there's somebody in that community that would take in and take care of you. So that was a real chakra for me. And then one day I went back and she I brought her food consecutively days. And then one day I went back and she left. She was gone. I never saw her again, but she lives in my soul and she powers just knowing her, she powers this work that I do. And I always say, I'm somewhere out there, she made it with her daughter. I know somewhere they got safe and they got taken out.

SPEAKER_00 13:21

Yeah. Wow, what a powerful symbol she was and motivator for you to get into service. I too was raised by parents who were quick to service. And I think we when you're raised in that mindset, whether you want to or not, service finds you.

SPEAKER_01 13:41

And if you have the old node, it does not let go.

SPEAKER_00 13:44

It does not let go. That's right. Now, in our earlier conversation, you said something that really stayed with me that people want to help. They just don't always know how. Why do you think so many people feel called to service, but don't take that first step?

SPEAKER_01 14:02

I believe as human beings, we do understand that no man is an island, that we're not here like drifting along alone. We're not just some log out there drifting aimlessly. I believe that people, I believe that people actually know that. Okay, knowing something and doing something are very different things. But there are a lot of people who actually know that, and it crosses their mind because you see it in everyday life and they think, oh my God, that's such a that's so sad. This is such a bad situation. In their minds and in their hearts, they know that this exists, this injustice, this pain, this heaviness, this depression, this whatever. And but they're like, they're in heaven. I can't fix it. I can't fix it. Well, what am I gonna do? I can't fix it. And it can be very overwhelming, but I think what I found out is I never started out to impact 40,000 plus mothers and children. I started out just thinking I was giving food to one person to and a child, one mom and a child. From that, it grew to the shelter in those kids. And you just you go along because when passion grabs a hold of you, like we said, it does not let go. And you don't even, you don't even realize it. You just go on, it becomes your life, it becomes what feeds your soul. I think that most people out there in the world want something good to happen. They don't know which vessel to take, they don't know what to get on board with. There's so much choice, there's so much confusion, there's so much noise. And to get to the quiet and say, okay, this is something that means something to me, that is a thing. Because people say to me all the time, Did you come from homelessness? Why did you start this organization? And I said, I not only never came from homelessness, but I didn't know what homelessness was. But I came from a family that was grounded in empathy and love thy neighbor. And when I was a child, I had to read the Bible to my grandmother every night before she went to bed. Me and my brother would stand by a read and read the Bible. I was indoctrinated in that way. And the stories that my name is from this Bible story, and my name stands for this high priestess who was the one judge that the men would actually listen to or seek out for advice. And so, my growing up, my mother, my grandmother would say, You have a big name to live up to. So we should feel big. But I never meant anything to me. I never thought about it. Later in my life, I read the story and I was like, oh, okay, this is what she had a big name. But I think that whatever it is that moves you, whether you see on television a little story and it sparks something in you, whatever that thing is, I would challenge you to not find a way to help in your community and in your own life because it's there.

SPEAKER_00 16:37

Okay. Yeah. You mentioned vessel, and you said begin to identify the right vessel for you. Yes. And whether that's time, talent, or resources, right? So, how do you think someone can identify that?

SPEAKER_01 16:53

So, for anybody running a nonprofit, our words to live via time, treasure, talent, the three T's, right? Time means you are someone with a busy life and you are going to eke out moments or whatever to pay attention, to give time to something, right? So that could be mentoring someone, or that could be dropping into a community center, or that could be if you're spiritually involved in your community somewhere, putting time, physically saying, Okay, I've got two hours, what can I do? How can I help? Time. Treasure, we all know, is about the it's what we deal in, right? So money, everything costs something. So we need people with treasure because without them, the dreams remain dreams and they don't get realized. And when I have a mom who's, I have my mom this past week, just a few days ago, I had to fill up, we call her first pantry. Because she, four kids coming out of domestic violence, bad domestic violence, like a crazy case, four kids, the smallest of whom is a little girl who's on the autistic spectrum. When I tell you that woman is trying everything and showing up for everything to be there for her kids, even in spite of what's been done to her, but she has nothing. She literally left with the clothes on her back and their backs when she finally left the situation. And she's been in shelter and now she's about to move. First Pantry is going to provide her with everything she needs to build up first pantry. Because one of the things in talking to moms over these 32 years, you find out what where are you stuck? What's your what is something that you know you really feel like you need and you wish yourself for? And people talk about pantries in community neighborhoods, and they're amazing, and I'm glad they exist. When you're a mother and you move into a new into your home finally, and the truck shows up and you have whatever four pieces of furniture you have moving in there, you can't make a first meal for your family. You, this is first pantry. So we give them all the possible spices they could need. So she left with enough mac and cheese and a 25-pound bag of rice, and we created during COVID a recipe booklet. And the idea was because of what was going on and lack of food and shortages and whatever, during COVID, I worked every day to supply these goods to the moms in the shelters. And I realized that, okay, so if I give them tuna fish, they can make a sandwich. But if I give them a recipe, they can make a pasta dish. So I can give them tuna fish, olive oil, onion powder, garlic powder, oh, they can make a warm meal pasta. Right. Because they don't know how to do that. It doesn't look right. So simple steps to making like hearty meals that feed you and that are delicious and healthy. So we give them that and we filled her up, literally. I gave her everything from larger detergent to sugar to tea to, like I said, pasta sauce. There's so much stuff in there to the tune of$800 worth of groceries for her pantry. She will not look for breakfast, oatmeal, like all these. It'll take a couple of weeks for her for food stamps to kick back in. And she's actually off this because of the snap benefits that was caused. She's been really hurt. She's got four kids and she has been like not knowing where food is coming from the next moment. So now she has all of this and she's gonna move it and she's gonna fill that pantry and she's gonna exhale because anybody is a mother out there or if you're human. Hunger is a thing, right? So when you are hungry, right, you can't think past being hungry. And imagining children, whether 14, 11, 7, and three, imagining children not having the ability to just open a refrigerator or have a snack or whatever, it makes me crazy. That gives you up away. I can't do that. So that means to me that they are they're okay. And then we get them to bed, we help them figure out the rest. But that first pantry. So I think that treasure allows us to do that because I can want it all I want. But if I go into any of the supermarkets or the trade games or the BJs or wherever I go, and I tell them a story, they're gonna say, Great, now is your credit card. Because that's the world we live in.

SPEAKER_00 20:56

Right.

SPEAKER_01 20:56

And we can't expect businesses to absorb that. So that first pantry. So that's treasure. Talent is a really big one. So let's say you are a marketing person, right? And you can come to us and say, Okay, I've got time, how can I help you? Help us get out there. We're trying to figure out we need more grants, we need more resources, help us market what we do so that people know we exist. And that talent, I've had cases where lawyers have fought babbles for us for moms and won. Accountants have helped mom get out of whatever financial disaster she's been exposed to, and mostly teaching her about finances because she doesn't even know. She didn't even know what she didn't know. And then I have people who like in retail, and they're like, oh, can I come help store? Absolutely, you can come volunteer any day of the week. We have a thrift vintage store on West 25th Street, which is now two blocks from where I started Hearts of Gold 32 years ago. Because I'm in fashion, I have a woman's clothing boutique, I have the thrift, and I have the vintage, and I have the charity. So volunteering anytime is a great thing. We love interacting with people. I have a group that has volunteered their time to go and read. Bedtime stories to the kids. We have ways for humans to show up as humans. We're a small charity, so we don't have thousands of kids and people to show up for, but we volunteerism is really appreciated in our world. And sometimes people just say, you know what, I want to have a cocktail party for you in my apartment. And I'm going to invite some friends and let's talk to them about this. Let's help me raise some funds. So even though you might not have the funds, you have the ability. You have a vessel that you can use to bring other people on board to help us. So those are the three T's, and they're super important to any charity.

SPEAKER_00 22:33

Wow. Wow. What a great plan and a great way to give people tools, like they can access any one of those to create something as well as to be a part of service. And it's it sounds so simple, but it's really not complicated. When you break it down for us that way, I think when we think about examples, there are ways that any one of us can be of service. So let's talk about being close to home, right? Doing it close to home. I think a lot of people assume they need to do it on a much grander scale, right? Globally, nationally, to be of impact. What are some ways people can begin being of service within their own communities?

SPEAKER_01 23:18

Okay, so for example, I started at a shelter that was on 28th Street and in the 32nd Street. The shelter was on 28th Street, my business was on 23rd Street. Talk about community. It's like right there. In all of our communities, there are places where manpower, hard power is needed. Period. You can do some research, especially now. Call up Claude. Hey Claude, I'm looking for some volunteer work in my neighborhood. Siri, whoever you speak to in your in the AI, and you can uncover and discover ways to help. You can find things that are new and dear to you. If you are volunteering for an after-school program, if you're an artist and you want to teach kids to do art, volunteer in your community center, all of these places exist. I always believe in starting in your own backyard because I think one of the problems we face in this country is one of real hypocrisy. We're always pointing our finger, we're always saying, over there, they're doing this and we need to fix it. I am of the mindset that right here, there's this going on, and we need to fix it. It begins on the road you live on, in your small town, in your larger city, in your community. It begins with you. When you finally take a step to do something, you will see change. You will see positive change happen. And you don't need to go across the world. Again, I said I never started this to do what I'm doing now. But somehow, once you get in, you're like, uh-huh, okay, I get it. And service and being serving others is one of the most gratifying things that you could do in your life. I always wonder how we got so mean-hearted that we forget that why we're here. So it's all about me and just look outside of yourself for a minute. We live in a society that's become so much about ourselves. I've been my stream all day long, and I watch these young people, they come in, they're in the mirror, 75,000 times. They're doing a selfie, they're doing more pictures, they're in, it's just so centered around them, who they are, they need to be right now about themselves. And if you just turn that camera the other way and look outside at the world, your world, whether it's in class and somebody's being bullied, help some child out, whether it's again in your community, whatever there are, families in need and who are suffering, and humans and elderly people who would love you to come read a story to them, like in a nursing home. Like whatever it is, I'm telling you that, and I guarantee you this, and I challenge anyone to prove me wrong, that wherever you live and wherever you stand and wherever you go to bed at night, in that space and place, there is someone who could use your love, your support, your heart.

SPEAKER_00 25:57

Oh, I love that. I love that. You're right. You always think local, you don't have to think globally, right?

SPEAKER_01 26:03

And then for if you're fortunate enough to be I have some supporters that have the means and the whatever to support on a larger scale, great, please do it. But we don't look in your backyard. Or if something is just you're not finding that thing that you're passionate about that's in your backyard, it's fine. Go find the other thing. But I just I just think that it makes it easier for people if you if it's within reach, if it's within your stomping grounds or your beaten path or whatever, to just get involved.

Confidence Before Anything Else

SPEAKER_00 26:29

Yeah, yeah, you're right. Why complicate it? It's really what's right in front of you. So you built something very meaningful with the Hearts of Gold organization that you created. Can you share a bit about what the work you're doing, more about that, and what it makes what it makes so impactful for the people you serve?

Laura’s Long Road Back To Life

SPEAKER_01 26:52

I get these messages from these mobs and text messages and whatever. And I'm not somebody who sits around and thinks about things for a long time. I'm just a I jump in all the time, I jump into the pool, I realize just as I leapt into that pool and I landed, then I don't know to swim. And I gotta get to that other side. So that's my MO, which is not great, trust me. But I always end up figuring it out, right? Because I just see something and I respond to it immediately. Hearts of gold, the work of hearts of gold is to just empower these women to understand because it's first about confidence. When somebody's been like beating the crap out of you for a long time, you have no self-anything, self-worth, self-confidence, self-anything. Some and some of those women, it's not just a partner or spouse, they come out of homes where that's been happening, whether it's their father or their mother or a stepfather or whatever, where they used to come in from home. It's very hard to believe that you can do anything and be anything in that environment, right? So having mom understand that this is just a moment in your life and it's not your life. And unless you decide this is your life, it will not be your life. So in this moment where you find yourself right now, whether it's six months in a shelter or you're in a shelter, it's you're at your low, but you will rise. And here are some ways to rise and just help you understand that we all, I don't know anybody in my world, whether they're billionaires and I have those two, or somebody who's just getting by every day and hasn't had a tough spot, right? Everybody gets you, don't get through this without those moments, without those tough times. And so you have to kind of bootstraps and go, okay. Or you can sit and wallow in it and be in it forever. I've never had the luxury of that. I grew up, and if you want it done, you work and you get it done. That is my mindset, and so that's all I have to share. I'm like, nope, don't believe that's not true. Watch you change that. Watch how you can change that. Look at God, look at what he has in store for you. Like, hear what I'm telling you. This is possible. And watching a mom go from, I have this one mom who there's so many stories over these many years, but I'll tell you about Laura, whose mother told her she could be nothing, she wasn't worth anything, so all she was good for was to go and have babies. Laura was 18, living in the project in Brooklyn of Irish and Italian descent. So they're all not black, they're all not minorities, they're all not immigrant Mexicans, whatever you think. They are Americans born here. And so she, her mother was an alcoholic, her father, drugs, whatever. She was raised in a two-bedroom apartment with four other sisters, and they had nowhere. And then they started having the babies that the mother predicted they should go have, and the babies picking up car seats off the street to have the babies sleep in in the apartment, right? Because there were no beds. Where are you going with all these kids and all she does? So when I met Laura, she was in shelter because she'd been running away from the then sad boyfriend who, you know, for whom she is pregnant with a third child who didn't want and was trying to abort the child himself by kicking her in the stomach during the pregnancy. So she goes out of craziness. Her mother, no good, no use, nothing to tell her, nothing to help. Sister is the same. So she finally goes into shelter and she runs away. I meet her in shelter, pregnant with this third child. And I met her because we used to do monthly birthday parties. And so it was her son's first birthday party, and of course, he was one of the birthday kids who were celebrating. And I got a call a few weeks later, and was saying, Oh my god, from one of the shelter workers saying, we need to talk to you about this one, mom. And I had met her and I'd met her son and we all celebrated, but she said, There's a big problem. Turns out that child had somehow not sure what happened or what he swallowed or whatever, but he ended up in a comatose state. He had some kind of seizure. Got into the hospital, there was nothing they could do. He didn't die, but he was basically brain dead. And they were gonna see what they can do. He was one year old. So she is now pregnant with a third child. Now she has this one-year-old, and then she has a three-year-old. And she was my big challenge, right? Because she's decided that unless God gives her back this one-year-old, she doesn't care about the child inside and she doesn't care about anything else. Really long story with a lot of winding rows and a lot of ups and downs. But the shelter, because it was three blocks from my store, I would have her come to the store every day. I would feed her, I would make her eat. I would feed the three-year-old, and I would, and I got her, they had put her son out all the night on Long Island in their facility. And I got, and so she'd get up in the morning at the crack of Dome, take herself and the three-year-old, get on a bus, train, whatever, head out to Long Island and sit there all day long praying at the bedside of this child. So that was her life. So I said, okay, here's what we can do. Using all the all the talent that my friends had and the time that I could get from the other people and treasure, was able to move him to a Manhattan-based facility. So now he was on Sixth Avenue and 17th Street at the Farming Hospital, and she could go see him all day long. And it wasn't compromising the three-year-old who was drived at three, whatever hour in the morning. She had to get up and take him out there. So now I'm feeding her, I'm making sure she eats, I'm making sure that she's okay, that the little guy is okay. He comes to me every day and he called me Titi. They called me Titi. And Titi, I said, okay, then are we hungry? Yeah, Titi. What do you want to eat today? Rice and beans. So I used to take him to this wonderful store down the block and we get him his food and he can eat. Laura then went from that to me literally going with her whole crazy story about getting the police involved and sirening her to the hospital to give birth to this baby. And another friend of mine who was on my board showing up that night to help deliver this baby at the hospital, right? He's born, but he was blue, and the doctors were working really hard. And I had never prayed so hard before or since in my life or something, because that baby did not look like he was going to make it. But all of a sudden he cried, and that was that. So he's alive. Um to help her then get from that point to understanding that this other child, Jonathan, is not he's not coming back in a way that he was, but that she had the power to do all kinds of things. Finally, she starts going to school, she's and she's getting amazing grades. And all of this is literally, I'm in her daily life, and I have been whenever she needs to go do something. And she starts going to school and she starts getting grades, and she's coming for teaching. I got an A on that test. I go, yeah, you didn't. And she said to me one day, you are the only person that ever told me that I was smart enough to succeed. Laura went to a nursing school. She was so smart, but nobody ever told her she could do it. Nobody gave her the power to believe in herself. The exact opposite was true. I have a story in my life that was like that. I had an aunt, I use that word very loosely, who basically told me at the age of 10 that I would be nothing, I would have 13 kids, I wouldn't even know who the fathers were. And I think as I more of an under like her words, really, I thought, why did a 10-year-old know that wasn't gonna be my life? I was possessing when I was a kid. And I was like, whatever. And she to say those words to a 10-year-old child, you know what I'm saying? But I always think of her, and it powers me in a different way because I think that's never gonna be my life. And I tell these moms, listen, don't drink the Kool-Aid. We're gonna say all kinds of crazy things to you in your life. And I am an example of that. It doesn't have to be so got her. Finally, I married her. I got her, gave her an in marriage to this young man she met, and they had what kids moved to Florida, lives in Florida with her kids. She just bought a$500,000 house last year. And from when I say zero to a million, she is, and I used to say to her, I'm the immigrant, why do you have seven jobs? Because she then decided that she was gonna do, she was gonna be a notary, notary, notary, right? So she's notary, she wanted to have her own business, so she does taxes and she is now in school to be an accountant. She does that stuff. And she's fighting that that thing that said to her, that voice in her head that said, You can't do anything but this. And I keep saying to her, You don't have to prove yourself anymore, my love. You're there. She goes, No, I know, but I'm really interested in this. But I think the voice that drives her is that still that voice that drives me that said I was gonna be 10 to nothing and she was gonna be nothing. Wow. Interesting how you live those things out without even realizing.

SPEAKER_00 35:19

Yeah, wow. You mentioned you were impacting them. They were obviously, she particularly was impacting you. And I I've heard everything is like a mirror symbol or a metaphor for us, and she mirrored that part of you that just knew that there was gonna be something better. Yep. And no one was gonna tell you no, and she just needed to meet you, another version to help pull her through that. So incredible, so incredible. Now, something that really struck me about how real this work is was that example, right? Of how someone has to attend to their circumstances and get up early and take that trip out to go take care of the other child. What have you learned about compassion and flexibility through doing this work?

SPEAKER_01 36:15

I think that I brought by the nature of being raised the way I was, I brought compassion to the work because I'd been taught it. And I never, may God rest both my parents' souls, that word was never spoken in my house, compassion. It was just mirrored. And I you see something happening, you don't even understand what you know it is, but you see it and you see the effect it has, and you understand, huh? Okay. And I think that compassion was fostered in me. I think that flexibility came from watching my parents. My mother knew how to take a dollar and make five out of it every minute of every day. She had no choice. That's what immigrants do, that's what they did. It's how she got us all through. And being flexible, you cannot be rigid because she had to do whatever she had to do to get through. So she came here by herself. At that time, America had an immigration policy that made sense. And there was a structure to it, and it was you came, you were obligated to show that you could take care of it, was called sponsoring. So my mom came, she sponsored my dad by way of showing that her work she earned enough to be able to sort of he didn't come here and live off the system. When they both got here and they both worked, they sponsored my brother and I, and they had to prove also that they could take care of us. So I think that's I only wish we could resurrect back in this country because it was, it worked. It wasn't broken. It wasn't broken. And you landed here and you knew you had your right to be here, and you were part of you were part of the fabric of something that made this country. So that's the ultimate immigrant story. I knew my mother would, whether she had to be a nanny or she had to sleep in my mother in Jamaica, dogs don't even enter your house, never mind, sleep in your bed. And when my mom got her first job as an, I guess, an opair she lived in, that family was like, that's where the dog sleeps. And I never had to sleep next to your dog in my bed, even though it was her biggest nightmare, and just she didn't want to stand. But she was like, Okay, I'm gonna do X for X amount of time, and then I'm out of here. And being flexible in just like even show teaching us things and saying, Okay, if you can, there is always a window open, and if it's not fully open, go pry it open. The door is closed. You can find a way into that room, and that's that's what I understood from my mom. I understood that from my mom and from my dad. There was always like a way to fix things, and I practice it every day, and always like my mind goes to, oh, okay, we need to get the same across the street and it's way too heavy. I'm gonna, and I just go to that place and it just it's organic. People always say to me, Why do you know how to do that? And I always say, Well, because I was raised with my parents. Yeah, nobody ever said ever in my family that failure was an option.

Funding Reality And Small Donations

SPEAKER_00 39:12

Girl, I tell you, I I know this story. My mother was also an immigrant, and though she married American, she was always abiding by the policy of whoever who has been given much. To whom much has been given, much is expected. Yep. That's right. That's right. And so she was always finding ways to sponsor people and help them live a better life because she found her way. And she always abided also by resilience. Do not take no for an answer. There's always a way to be of service, always a way through. And so I have that energy as well. Like knowing that even if it's hard, even if it's difficult, that there is a way. You may not see it right away, but it's there. It's there. And take one with you, take one along. You know what? Take one along. There you go. There you go. I love that. I love that. All right. So you also shared that funding is a big part of your service. And I know from our earlier conversation that it has shifted and it you had to adapt. Okay. So, what has it been like to sustain this work over time and what keeps you going even when it's challenging?

SPEAKER_01 40:27

Determination. Determination is my first, middle, and last name. I will not be sorted. I like I've said to people, if tomorrow it is the will and I end up only being able to help four people, then I will help those four people. Like for me, there's no this only ends one way. It ends with me in a box. Like I, when I'm done and I'm done, that's when I'll be done. But until then, this work, this it means so much to me to see and live the story of a boy who we came from a mom who didn't have anything at all. And she knelt for past, went past neither my parents, neither of my parents were went past grammar school, basically. They were in middle school, I guess the equivalent of middle school, but nobody went to high school. They just learned things as they went. Marking being able to take a child from newborn, literally, when he was born last week, came to my apartment because his sister, who was then uh five-year-old, stayed with us while the mom went in to have the baby, came to my apartment. And then to take him 18 years later on an airplane to Iowa to set him up in college and take him to the big old Walmart and go the run the aisles and do, okay, you need this for your room, you need this, just like I did for my kids. And to see Jordan being in college and thriving and wanting to break that cycle, not even wanting to broken the cycle because broken the cycle and his mother did not have the education. If you can have that kind of impact on anything, but especially human life, please do it. It is it's so necessary. It's so not hard to do.

SPEAKER_00 42:09

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 42:10

It's so not hard to do because it costs you nothing. Yes, I I had so funding, right? I was able to get on the plane, I was able to get him to Iowa, I was able to get him all the things he needed for his room and whatever, and help him with gift cards so he would have food, so he could actually have a normal life in college and not be like, okay, the kids are going to Bithouse and I don't have five dollars, just to help him figure out until he got his campus job. If you just understand that we are meant to walk side by side, we're meant to walk side by side, and that you, by virtue of having two legs, you are meant to walk side by side to somebody. Just figure that out. If we can figure that out as humans, we will this heaven is the honors, as Tracy Chapman says. Heaven's the honor. And watch, you can bring joy. If you can stir up and bring forth joy in somebody's human experience, your life, you've paid your way for being here, you've paid the rent for being here today.

SPEAKER_00 43:10

Now, I know funding is such a big part of this, and you mentioned previously that you had to write grant, had to write your first grant for your organization and evolving with that. So, what has this new chapter taught you about growth, especially after doing this work for so many years?

SPEAKER_01 43:30

You always have to reinvent yourself and find a new way to do things. You're always looking for, I'm always trying to meet someone who is going to say, What kind of blessed the work? And you bless the work by allowing us to continue the work. And I've been very fortunate in my life to have people who donated and continue to donate to us. But we lost a lot of funding because donors move on, they do other things. And especially during the COVID time, we lost a lot of big funding because people left New York. When they left New York, they took their money with them and they're now supporting where they live, which makes complete sense, right? Talk about in your backyard. So we have to we've had to be creative about finding ways to. So we do fundraisers. We're online trying, we ask people to if you can afford$25 a month, please do a recurring monthly donation. If you can afford$100, if you can write a check for whatever map, please understand that money is you can when I go to do all of this food shopping and stuff, right? I remember during COVID, one of the moments that struck me the most was I had bought a bag of apples to give to as part of the packaging that I was giving to the mobs of food. And this mom came with her little guy, he was like, probably two and a half, three years old. And so I was putting stuff in the bag, and I had the bag of apples, and he grabbed the bag of apples, just holding up the bag of apples, and I was like, okay, and I was trying to share apples. The bag probably had 15 apples, and I was thinking it's five by five. And he just took that bag of apples and he hugged it. He hugged the bag of apples. And I thought, this is gonna break me or make me. I didn't even know what to do. This but I couldn't take the bag of apples from him. But I said to him, Tree, let me open it, I can give you one to eat. And he ate that apple so voraciously. And I that mom left with that bag of apples. And you understand, a bag of apples, maybe it was six dollars at Trickle Joe's. So there are no small donations. No donations too small. The gut-wrenching sadness of watching a three-year-old hug a bag of apples is a whole other problem. But at that moment, being able to say yes to that bag of apples, similarly. So Jordan needed a computer for a laptop to go into school. So it ranges at back to school time. We give each child a backpack, grade appropriate, filled with everything they need so they can be like everybody else. We give them the coolest backpack. We want to motivate them, we want to excite them for first year of school. So the backpacks are not like we buy a hundred of this backpack. I look for backpacks, I'm like, oh, that's funny. That's some buttons on it. Oh, she'll be so cute in this. And we really reimagine ourselves. Yeah, we imagine ourselves as those moms, as those kids, and we give them what we'd like for our own. So all of this takes funds. There, manna from heaven is a story in the Bible. Mana that's given to me from heaven is that so I can eat every day and have the energy to do this work. It's not falling in trend of staples so I can buy back the school supplies. So understand that your dollars go really far with us because we are very conscious of just budget and that these things, but they cost money. They cost money. And anyone that stops for a minute to just acknowledge that and say, hey, here's this because I can afford to, it's the best if you can give, just of yourself and knowing that you can, you're changing your life by writing that check. Like I have people who send me$18. Now, for somebody to send me$18 and I get so excited about it, think about what it must mean to send$18. You're living on a budget. That is tight for you. That is huge. Whether you are the person who can give 18 or the person who gives 18,000, whatever you're doing in your capacity, people always say, I'm sorry, I wish I could give more. And I say, Don't curse your blessings. You get what you give. All of it counts for us and all of it matters.

SPEAKER_00 47:08

So it sounds like the growth that came from the need to find new funding is to become more resourceful.

SPEAKER_01 47:15

You do eminent is all about, okay, I can't do it that way. Let me find another way. And wrote our and we're granted, gives it our first real grant as in start to finish, co-calling, not knowing, although the organization we shall just not having to do that work. Okay. And and you, of course, when you have these kind of pockets of money, it frees you up to do more work because you just I'm spending time doing an event that's going to raise me maybe$10,000. But if I have somebody that gives me a$10,000 check, I can go into the shelter and work with the families more because I have the resources. You know what I'm saying? So it's like constantly we're balancing, we're juggling, everything matters, and every dollar goes far. And just to your point about the finding a way to keep going, I will I don't have options. I have people that I've pledged my support to and I've promised to help. And that means what that means. So when I get up in the morning, I'm super grateful that I got to get up in the morning because I keep going. I get to work, and that means I get to serve again today, and that is the biggest gift. Um and it's just yeah. And I wish for people and hope for them that they find this within themselves. Like I hope that they feed it. It's already there. You just need to feed it, nurture it because it'll awesome. And that thing will, your heart will beat and you'll feel it. It's a feeling, and it's an amazing feeling.

Earth Day Fashion And Philanthropy Event

SPEAKER_00 48:37

Yeah, I agree with you. It's definitely a great feeling. So, speaking of events, I'd love for you to share about what's coming up because you're having something really exciting happening on Earth Day. So, can you tell us about that upcoming Earth Day event and how people can get involved or support it?

SPEAKER_01 48:53

Yes. So it's called Fashion and Philanthropy. Ooh, I'm in the fashion industry, of course, and so are a lot of my friends. And so, five years, this is our fifth annual. So, five years ago, we decided to do only that because, as I mentioned, we have a fifth vintage store. And so we always need donations. We need gems for that store, right? So people come in and they'll go, Oh my gosh, my grandmother casts away, and she has this little pin, which is this gorgeous little ivory, whatever, and they want to donate to you. And we use that to raise funds, of course, right? We sell it and then the funds go. We also use the space that we're in as a job training space for moms and kids, moms and adult kids, work-age kids. They come in, they work, they get their salary, and that's how so that little pin brooch brought money to pay the mom's salary to root up. So it all's all late. Fashion and philanthropy is it's over two days on the 21st and the 22nd. This 22nd is Earth Day, and we're tied to it because of sustainability, and our sustainability is important to all of us. We know what's going on with the planet, it's not a hoax. It is real. We know that we have to do something to start to lessen our footprint here. We and in order to do that, we need the conversation to keep going. So we do our sustainability event around education. So, day one, we have we are blessed enough to have Soledad O'Brien, who is going to moderate a panel for us on fashion on and philanthropy. And we have amazing panelists who are in doing the work of sustainability work, whether it's in the beauty industry or the fashion industry or even with water. And so there's a panel discussion, there are bags and sips. You'll come see what this space is all about, and it's really fun. So that and we have prizes and little auction items and so on. On day two, we have, and so the philanthropy part is fill a little bag, whatever it is, with something you'd like to look in your closet, say this one belt that you haven't worn in two years, bring it along, donate it, right? So bring those gems on that day and fill, help to fill the store with merchandise. Day two, we have a fashion show, which is like the highlight of our fashion philanthropy. Carlton Jones is a black designer here who has been recently acknowledged and recognizing the fashion industry in a big way. And he's been on this journey with it's myself, a woman named Constance White, who was former fashion edit for the New York Times, and myself. So the three of us put on this event every year, it's always in my space. And we do the fashion, the two-day event culminates in this beautiful fashion show from spring summer that clouds on the show. And we'll have some vintage pieces in there as well. And we have a book I'm a part of, I'm one of the authors in a book called Today is the Day Live It. And it's all about change makers. And we're 32 changemakers, and we all have our chapter in that book. So we're doing a book signing also on that day. And you can buy the book, and of course, all the money from that will go to the charity as well. You can also just buy the book. You would have to buy it for us for it to count. If you buy, it's on Amazon and everywhere else, but if you buy it from us, like I have the books for sale at the store, then the money goes to that. And we'll have again sips and bites, and it's just it's a really fun event, and it's our fifth year, and we are super excited. So tickets are on sale on the website, heartsofvold.org. Please join us. It'll be so fun. And just go on and grab a ticket. We have two day passes or one day pass and come have a good time with us. You will not read it.

One Small Step And Ways To Support

SPEAKER_00 52:23

Wonderful. And so for our listeners, I want you to know that we're going to include all of this information on how you can get tickets to this event, as well as help support the Hearts of Gold organization in our show notes. So for someone listening right now, Deborah, who feels inspired and but still unsure where to begin, what's one small step that they can take this week to start being of service in their own life?

SPEAKER_01 52:50

I think if you can identify, if you're listening and this resonates with you, that means you're already there. You already know that you want to do something about something. And whatever that something is, do the research now. Go online. It's so much easier now with AI and whatever than it was for me. So don't jump on it. Don't let it sit for another moment. Just act. It will then become its own thing. It takes or really does. And don't overwhelm yourself. Don't promise too much and I'm delivered. Start small. Start where you can, right? If you know you have an hour, don't say I'm gonna come for four hours, then you can't do it. Just be be true with yourself, be real with yourself and see what you can do. And then in taking it in steps and biting off what you can chew, you will you'll have success. So I think the first step is just to identify that thing that's burning in you that goes, Oh my gosh, you know what? If you love animals, there's a shelter, there's a pet shelter. If it depends on what is it that makes you that makes your heart beat and makes you happy. So I would say to I would hope that words, some words in this whole conversation resonated with you. And if that is the case, then don't let it sit. Because with time, we mold it over and you think, oh, I don't really know if I can do it. Just act after because you already clearly want to.

SPEAKER_00 54:11

Great. This has been a wonderful conversation. Thank you so much for joining us and for being here and providing so much insight to our listeners while doing so much for the broader community. So we mentioned your organization.

SPEAKER_01 54:26

Say it one more time where they can find you.org. So here are the ways you can support. You can donate to the show, you can come shop because when you shop in the space, of course, that's where the money goes. And we have our motto is Gap to Gucci, and we have everything in between, literally. We get beautiful donations. Designers love us, so they donate new things as well, like Kate, Coach. They're designers that donate to us. So you can find amazing things in access to support to buy. You can, we're always our latest, greatest, whatever we're doing is always online. So if you follow us, that would be great. We need followers, as you all know, they're important. The number of followers you have. And what's interesting for me writing this grant because they also ask for your website and they check your followers. So if nothing else today, please go on and follow us at Hearts of Gold at TTH Vintage Boutique, which is the name of the store, and those numbers, algorithms, take those numbers and do whatever.

SPEAKER_02 55:20

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 55:20

But yeah, please follow us. And yeah, and we'd love to meet any and all of you. Just jump by the store. We're closed on Monday, it's important to know. We open Tuesday to Sunday, and it's it's a fun environment. We all have a good time there.

Closing Thoughts And Listener Invitation

SPEAKER_00 55:33

Wonderful. Thank you. And we'll include all that information in our show notes. And to everyone listening, if something in this conversation resonated with you, I invite you to take one small step. It doesn't have to be perfect and it doesn't have to be big, it just has to be real. You've if you enjoyed this episode, please start to subscribe, share it with someone you love, and leave a review. It helps us to continue these conversations. And if you're looking for support in your own journey, whether it's finding purpose, navigating change, or reconnecting with yourself, you can always reach out. I am here to help. And until next time, you've been listening to She Asks Tools for Practical Hope. I'm your host, Anna McBride, and until soon, be well.