The Recipe for Responsibility: From Self-Blame to Self-Leadership

In this insightful and emotionally rich episode, you explore the deep importance of taking personal responsibility and reclaiming your inner power. You challenge listeners to stop giving authority away to others—whether that’s institutions, gurus, or influencers—and begin leading their own lives.

Using the metaphor of a “responsibility dish,” you guide your audience through its essential ingredients: 🥄 Self-awareness as the foundation 🧠 Emotional reflection as the seasoning 🔥 Action and decision-making as the heat that transforms

Listeners learn how self-understanding—through daily reflection and healing childhood wounds—is key to acting responsibly. You draw parallels between gaining responsibility in the workplace and becoming responsible for one's life: both require knowledge, practice, and ownership.

The episode delves into the hard truths of change, the discomfort of growth, and how making tough choices (like leaving a toxic job or relationship) is often necessary for evolving into a more authentic self.

You highlight that responsibility isn't about being perfect—it's about staying present, learning from failure, and being willing to make honest choices without placing blame on others. This journey of personal leadership leads to inner harmony, freedom, and a sense of self-respect.

This episode dives into the emotional journey of becoming a truly responsible person. Using the vivid metaphor of cooking a “responsibility dish,” the host explores how life’s messy mistakes—burnt plans, under-seasoned choices, and flops—can become powerful ingredients for growth, if only we’re willing to own them.

Listeners are guided through the reality that avoiding responsibility may seem like control, but ultimately leads to stagnation, strained relationships, and frustration. The episode gently exposes why people struggle with taking accountability—especially those dealing with low confidence or a loud inner critic—and offers compassionate and practical tools to quiet that voice and begin learning from missteps.

Responsibility isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress, awareness, and the courage to reflect. When embraced, it transforms our decisions and reactions into meaningful action. With every lesson, every failure, we refine the “flavor” of our lives and step into leadership of our own journey.

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Transcript

"The Recipe for Responsibility: From Self-Blame to Self-Leadership

Hello and welcome to episode 12 of my podcast, UR a CURE: Inner Power. Today, I’ll be talking about the importance of taking responsibility for your life, and why it’s crucial not to give your power away to others. That includes institutions, religions, gurus, authors, podcasters, YouTubers—anyone you might perceive as more knowledgeable, more spiritual, more powerful, more charismatic, or more confident than yourself.

First of all, let’s look at responsibility. What does it mean to be responsible for your own life and actions?

There are many ingredients in this dish. The base of this responsibility dish is self-awareness. If you’re not aware of why you react, act, and make decisions the way you do, the whole dish will fall apart. Self-awareness is the glue that holds responsibility together.

You need to discover as much as possible about yourself. Let’s say you’re given responsibility over some tasks—if you don’t understand the mechanics of how they work, your ability to take responsibility will lack a crucial factor. You might think, “I don’t know how to take care of these tasks so they’re completed correctly.” To fill that gap, you need someone to pass on the necessary knowledge—usually, it’s the most experienced person on the team who knows the when, what, why, and where of everything involved.

 Depending on the tasks, this training might take a few days, weeks, or even months. You also need to understand them deeply—or even practice every day—to gain confidence in completing them successfully.

It’s the same when it comes to understanding yourself.

As a child, you were shaped by your parents, both close and distant relatives, and the surrounding society. There is no person in the entire world who hasn’t experienced a lack of love, acceptance, or understanding... or the pain of betrayal, being ignored, overlooked, or excluded at some point during childhood. We all carry scars and wounds from those early years.

Adult life is like starting a job. You’re given tasks to complete, and in order to be truly responsible, you need to gain knowledge about the why, when, where, and how of it all.

In the beginning, we often search for answers and guidance from experts—those who’ve already discovered who they are. They’ve learned how to dig deep, build confidence, and begin loving and accepting themselves. So we read books, listen to podcasts and YouTubers, go to church, and seek wisdom from outside ourselves.

We stack up these blocks of knowledge and other people’s experiences. This can help increase our self-awareness and support healing from the past.

However, you also need to understand the inner mechanics of this individual that you are. Someone else’s words, insights, and conclusions drawn from their own journey may not be enough to truly grasp how you operate. Without this personal understanding—as I mentioned before—we cannot be fully responsible.

This path of understanding yourself is never-ending. You discover more and more about who you are every single day. This “self-awareness” ingredient—this constant willingness to search within, to ask yourself questions like “Why am I behaving this way?”—is vital.

Daily reflection on your beliefs and interpretations of the world is essential to keep the “dish of responsibility” not just flavorful, but structurally sound.

You need to stay vigilant and awake—watching over your actions, beliefs, and emotions. Ask yourself:

• What’s driving this behavior?
• Are my beliefs limiting me, causing suffering, or preventing me from seeing the beauty around me?
• Why am I feeling sad, angry, frustrated, or afraid in this particular situation—especially if others don't seem to be affected the same way?

Perhaps it’s something from the past, an unresolved trauma gently knocking to be heard.

Yes, self-awareness is essential to being a responsible adult. The act of observing, noticing, staying curious, and asking questions forms the foundation for growth.

So what happens next?

When you begin to observe and realize that a certain belief is no longer serving you, the responsible thing to do is to take action. For example, let’s say you notice a recurring pattern of ending up in toxic relationships. The responsible response would be, first, to get to know yourself—explore what situations or beliefs led you to these individuals—and then take steps to change.

How do you begin to change this?

These people and experiences came into your life to give you a chance to truly feel the pain that you weren’t able to process fully as a child or teenager. Back then, those emotions may have been stored inside your cells. Now, your body and spirit are asking you to press “play” on those feelings—to witness, feel, and heal them.

They long for it deeply—because they want to return to balance and harmony. This is the true and natural state of everything created on Earth.

That’s why we sometimes find ourselves drawn back into unhealthy relationships: to fully accept our emotions and responsibly care for the parts of us that were wounded during childhood.

What might those actions look like? It depends on what you experienced. You begin by giving yourself what was lacking, or what was taken away from you. Consciously offer yourself the very things you crave most in relationships—safety, freedom, love, acceptance, understanding. Give these to yourself first.

Start by identifying the patterns, beliefs, and reactions that don’t quite match the present moment. Understand why you’re driven to do certain things—or why you may feel unmotivated. Then, take meaningful steps to improve your life.

Next, you decide what the next step is, right? Through a series of actions, you reach a point in life where a radical change becomes necessary. You've grown so much that the reality around you no longer supports your evolution. You’ve outgrown your environment.

And so, you’re faced with an uncomfortable—but essential—decision: to leave something or someone behind. Responsibility means making choices, and some of them are incredibly difficult and challenging.

It’s hard to make a choice, but a decision is required. You need to pick a path. It doesn’t matter what the outcome of your choice will be—you still have to face the consequences. Even decisions made with the truest, purest intentions will carry consequences.

If you choose to change jobs, you'll likely go through a period of training, meet new people, and face new challenges. That process can be uncomfortable. But staying stuck in a job that stifles your growth or surrounds you with toxic people? That’s an even bigger cost.

Change is always challenging. Sometimes, it may turn out that the new job isn’t as great as you’d hoped. Then comes the question: should you search for another one, or stay and wait to see if things improve?

It’s your decision to make.

What matters most is that you take full accountability for your choice. No blaming God, the Universe, your friend who gave advice, or your spouse. It’s always you—you are responsible for your own life. Seeing and understanding that it’s always you who creates your life is another ingredient of the responsibility dish. You can’t be responsible if you feel life is happening to you and you are only a bystander and a victim of circumstance. That mindset keeps you stuck, disconnected from your own power. But the moment you truly grasp that your choices, beliefs, and reactions shape your reality—you stop spectating and start leading. That shift doesn’t just add flavor to the responsibility dish; it turns it into a feast of self-ownership, purpose, and growth.

The next ingredient to the responsibility dish is the ability to reflect on something considered as ‘failures. Let’s say you made an important decision, big move, like starting your own business. After few months you realised your plan had really been flawed, and money is short, and you have to go back to working as an employee just to have for rent and food. Irresponsible would be to blame it for others or blame it on you with no real lessons learned. There are always lessons learned, that’s why failures as we called them can always teach us the most. are always lessons to be learned. That’s why so-called failures often teach us the most. Success becomes truly meaningful only after we've endured the hardships of getting there.

Being responsible isn’t just about claiming the shiny, polished outcomes—it’s about cooking through every messy, under-seasoned, over-boiled mistake along the way. Every time a decision flops or a plan burns at the edges, you're adding a new ingredient to the responsibility dish: humble spice.

That moment where you pause, taste what went wrong, and reflect deeply—that’s where the real nourishment is. But you only get that meal if you own the process. Deflecting blame, pointing fingers, or skipping the seasoning of self-awareness leaves the dish bland and unfinished.

Failures add the depth. They’re the bitter notes that make the sweet ones sing. They challenge you to rework the recipe, adjust the balance, and come back to the kitchen with more skill, more intention, and more courage.

Responsibility, like any good dish, requires time, adjustment, and a willingness to learn from the burnt bits. It’s not about always getting it right—it’s about always being willing to refine the flavor.

Not feeling motivated or inspired to cook the responsibility dish? Not taking responsibility doesn’t actually spare us. It delays growth, warps relationships, and keeps us stuck. Responsibility, on the other hand, is the bridge between who we are and who we want to become.

There are several reasons why we avoid taking responsibility in life. To act responsibly, you need to admit your mistakes so you can work toward improvement in the future. But for some people, especially those with low confidence, that can feel impossible.

They struggle to be objective about what actually happened—because their inner critic takes over. And instead of seeking ways to grow, they end up blaming themselves harshly, spiraling into guilt rather than reflection.

So how do we quiet that inner critic and turn self-blame into self-growth?

• Name the Voice: Give your inner critic a character or a name—“Naggy Nora” or “Doubtful Dave.” It helps you separate that harsh voice from your core self, making it easier to challenge.
• Speak Back with Compassion: When the critic flares up, respond as you would to a struggling friend. Replace “I messed everything up” with “I’m learning, and this misstep doesn’t define me.”
• Seek Evidence: That voice often exaggerates. Ask yourself, “What’s the actual evidence for this belief?” Often, you’ll realize the story in your head doesn’t match reality.
• Practice Self-Affirmation: Regularly remind yourself of what you’ve done well, how you’ve handled challenges, or what qualities make you resilient. Repetition reprograms your internal dialogue.
• Limit Comparison: The critic loves to thrive on “what others would’ve done.” Remind yourself that your journey is your own—and comparison usually discounts context.
• Reflect, Don’t Over think: Instead of circling the mistake endlessly, shift to solution-mode: “What can I learn from this? What can I try differently next time?”

Calming the inner critic isn’t about silencing it completely—it’s about turning it into a wiser, kinder voice that contributes to your growth, rather than stoping it.

Fear, insecurity and shame blocks us from being responsible. Oddly enough, avoiding responsibility can be a way to feel in control. At first, it may look like denial or simply avoiding trouble. But underneath, the person might be trying to stay emotionally steady and avoid uncomfortable change. If they don’t admit mistakes, they don’t have to feel vulnerable, rethink their actions, or deal with tough emotions.

It’s a form of self-protection, but one that trades long-term growth for short-term comfort. It’s like thinking: “If I don't take the blame, I don't have to change.” It allows someone to keep their routines, hold onto their worldview, and avoid the chaos that self-reflection might unleash.

The tricky part is that this kind of control doesn’t really last. It’s like following the same old recipe and being too scared to add anything new in case it messes things up. Over time, things stop growing. You feel stuck. Your relationships might get tense, and you stop moving forward. What once felt like control starts falling apart.

Being irresponsible can turn into a cycle of stress and doubt. It’s not just missing tasks or avoiding choices—it’s feeling like life is happening without you. When someone keeps dodging responsibility, they often feel trapped, weak, or even angry. They stop chasing their dreams, and deep down, they feel like they’re meant for more but don’t know how to get started.

As a coach, I help break that cycle. I offer a space where honesty isn't punished but welcomed. Together, we explore what's behind the avoidance: fear, past conditioning, overwhelm. I guide clients to see that responsibility isn’t just about rules or pressure—it’s about reclaiming agency over their choices and their future. Through structured support and compassionate challenge, I help them build habits of ownership, reflect with clarity, and make choices that feel aligned with who they want to become.

Responsibility, in this light, becomes an invitation—not a punishment. And with every step forward, they learn how to live with purpose, integrity, and self-respect.

If you want to explore more please visit my website and book a free consultation there. 

I also encourage you to connect with me if you have any questions. Please support my podcast, I offer shout-outs during recordings.

As always I wish you all the best, stay tuned for the next episode 😊