The Dark Night of The Soul

In this episode I discuss the dark night of the soul - why experience it, and how you can begin healing it. 

Transcript

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Hello and welcome back to Into the Shadows. I'm Melissa, and if you're new here, welcome. And if you're returning, welcome back. If you're new here, this is a space where I share with you different perspectives of healing, shadow work, inner child healing, and dream work. So if those topics interest you, I hope you stick around. Today's episode is about the dark night of the soul. So if you clicked on this video, chances are that maybe you're going through a dark night of the soul. Maybe you know someone who is, or maybe just it sounds interesting to you. Either way, we're gonna dive into this topic, and I'm gonna share with you what my dark night of the soul was like, and then we're gonna talk about how I healed it. So it's really interesting because when you look up the symptoms of a dark night of the soul, they completely and um like pretty much exactly mirror um clinical depression. And because I'm a big believer in energy being the source of all things, I think there's that Nikola Tesla quote, uh, what is it? Oh, yeah, if you want to understand the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency, and vibration. I fully believe that. And I think that what often gets labeled as depression is actually a dark night of the soul. But because we've lost our spiritual connection, or another way to say that is our energetic connection to things, we often get diagnosed and medicated for something that is actually a natural process of life. And that seems maybe kind of crazy to say because the dark night of the soul definitely doesn't feel natural. It feels like you're going through some kind of death. So the dark night of the soul then is a spiritual awakening. And the symptoms that we experience when we're in a dark night of the soul are our invitations. For me, I didn't know, and I think for a lot of people, you don't know when you're in one. You just know that life feels really hard and extremely unbearable and really dark. And for me, I didn't know where to start. I didn't know how to reconnect with my joy, and life felt really hopeless. So, why is it that some people go through a dark night and some don't? Usually the dark night is triggered by some kind of crisis or loss. That can be a death, that can be war, or a divorce, or heartbreak, or any kind of intense trauma. Even having a major health crisis can cause a dark night of the soul. So I'm gonna go through some of the symptoms of a dark night of the soul, and then I'm gonna share with you a little bit about my own dark night of the soul. So, one of the symptoms is a deep confusion. And I think all of us know how it feels to be confused and not know which way to go or what way is up or what way is down. Um, and that can feel really like isolating and disorienting. The next symptom is deep existential questioning. So perhaps you've, you know, asked yourself, what is the purpose of life? Why am I here? What's the point of all of this? Maybe even part of you is connected to the stars, or you're fascinated by really deep questions. The next is a loss of purpose, and that goes hand in hand with confusion, but you feel like there's no point to life, and what you're doing up until this point, you're kind of confused on how you got here or where you're going. Often a dark night of the soul is also accompanied by social withdrawal and this kind of going into yourself, and often that's also accompanied with extreme sadness. And lastly, life loses its meaning. Maybe you look through life as the glass half-empty, but essentially you've been disconnected from your joy. And often when we get disconnected from something, usually that means that there's an invitation there to reconnect, to find that joy again. Over 10 years ago, when I first got divorced, there was a moment that I remember so vividly. I was a single mom of three kids, three little kids. And I had just left a 13-year abusive relationship. I also had a really tumultuous childhood and a lot of trauma. And at the time, I was really lost. I didn't know who I was. I had a lot of um the best the best way to say it is I, well, I had a lot of sadness, but I was very disconnected from joy. Like the life has no meaning, and loss of purpose was very prevalent for me. In fact, I would often go outside and I would look up at the sky and I would ask in desperation, why am I here? Like, how like how did I land on this planet? And how do I get off kind of feeling? And you can see how that was accompanied by a lot of sadness and a lot of desperation and just this feeling of not wanting to be here. I was never suicidal, but I, you know, if you would have offered me a button that said you can leave this planet, I think I would have pushed it because I just hated it here, and I didn't like my life. I honestly felt like an alien. Like this planet is not where I'm supposed to be. Which really is crazy saying this now because I loved this shit and I still love the shit out of my kids. They're amazing. But I guess that's just how dark my dark night was. I wanted to give up on everything and everyone. What ended up happening is not long after that desperation, I heard something somewhere, and I wish I could remember to give the person credit, but I don't remember. But the idea was that if you have a part of yourself that is wanting to die, right? Not suicidal, but just totally and completely done. That brought me so much peace and so much um like hope. Because I finally connected the dots that my suffering wasn't something, you know, deep within my soul that wanted to actually be gone and not be here. Rather, it was a part of my ego that was asking for integration and change. And then that's where this beautiful idea where it becomes a kind of invitation to step up and change a part of your life that is outdated and asking for change. After I got through that really deep sadness and desperation, I started to ask myself, what is my purpose? And why am I here? And I asked this question for quite literally over a decade. And hopefully that's not disheartening for you because I can see how that is a long time to ask and to inquire, but I kept asking because I really wanted to live life with purpose, and I really wanted to figure out why I was here. I think everyone who is going through a dark night of the soul has one way or another signed up for some kind of spiritual awakening. One of the ways to come out of your dark night of the soul is to rediscover your purpose of why you're here. And that began a really long journey of uncovering my shadows. So, what do I mean by shadows? I mean all of the baggage that I acquired through all of those relationships. For those of you who don't know what your shadows are, they are repressed aspects of ourselves, essentially both positive aspects, but also negative. And they're called shadows because they need integration and attention in order to transform. So when we integrate them, we come out of our dark night of the soul. And slowly but surely we start to become more of who we are. Our authenticity shines through, and we reconnect to our joy and become our fullest potential, which includes discovering your purpose. And believe it or not, you have one. So there were lots of ways that I dove into my shadows. One of the first ways that I tried was I did plant medicine, specifically ayahuasca and psilocybin. And both of those medicines, those plant medicines, were really beautiful. I was able to go to Peru and sit with shamans and partake of ayahuasca, and there were beautiful glimpses of my ancestry and of healing this deep, deep childhood abandonment. I know there's a lot of um stuff online about plat medicine and a lot of spiritual bypassing in this world today. So I'm not gonna sit here and say that's for everyone. But when it's done in a proper place and a proper container with safety and integration, it can and is a really beautiful way to um heal some of the shadows that have held you back. And in another podcast, I'll go into that more and maybe even share some of those um experiences with you. So that was one way that I started to heal my shadows. The other way was doing shadow integration. So, what do I mean by that? I showed up to my triggers and my projections, and I started to notice the areas where I got really agitated and annoyed and maybe even jealous or afraid. And I did the hard work of choosing humility and looking at myself and trying to figure out how I was mirroring the behavior that I was reacting to so strongly. I also did um a two-year coaching certificate in internal family systems and somatic awareness. And that was amazing. And it really helped me learn how to be present in my body and learn what my sensations were trying to show me. It also taught me to talk to my higher self and bring in a kind of safety that I never felt or knew I could access before. All of those really contributed to healing my shadows, which helped lighten the load of my dark night of the soul. I know that for me, if I wouldn't have experienced all of those different modalities, I wouldn't be where I am today. Those were the necessary stepping stones that I needed in order to heal. But what really helped me heal my shadows at the deepest level was doing dream work. So for those of you listening in before, you know that I've talked a lot about dreams and how they've helped me heal. Dream work has become home to me. It's become the most amazing surprise and gift I could ever imagine on my healing journey. The most amazing thing about dream work is it's within you. It's right at your fingertips. Or rather, I should say it's right between your eyes. It makes me chuckle because ironically, those 10 plus years ago, when I stood outside in that desperation, I was looking outside of myself for the answers instead of within. So that's what dream work did for me. It showed me that everything that I needed to heal, including my dark night of the soul, was within me. And I know that sounds very cliche. You always hear that. It's within you. Go within. But when you're going through a dark night, um it's not exactly accessible, and or at the time it doesn't seem like it's relevant advice. Because the last thing that you want to do is go within. You're just trying to escape. But I promise you that when you do finally learn how to go within, the answers are there, and you will discover something. Dreaming gently and sometimes abruptly guided me through my shadows, which helped guide me through my dark night of the soul. And it was through dreaming that I healed those shadows and discovered my purpose. So, to recap, to get out of your dark night of the soul, first you need to dig into your shadows. You can do that through shadow integration, plant medicine, if that calls to you, body awareness, higher awareness, and dream work. If you want to start with shadow integration, which is my suggestion, you can find the free guide in my landing page under the show notes. And in the near future, I'm hoping to gather humans on their soul's journey to discover dream work with me in a dream work group. So you can look out for that in the future episodes when I announce the dates. Thank you so much for being here with me today and listening in. It is my hope and prayer that for those of you who are lost in your dark night and you can't quite see the light at the end of the tunnel, that this podcast gave you some sense of hope, hope to keep going, to know that you're not alone and that there are thousands upon thousands of people who are going through something similar as you. So if you're alone and you don't know which way to turn, but just know that there's light at the end of the tunnel. And with some courage and willingness, you will make it through. Thank you for taking the time to listen and join me in this conversation. I really appreciate you being here. And lastly, if there's someone that you feel called to share this podcast with, please do. I hope you have a beautiful and blessed day.