A better relationship with food

What if the real problem isn’t the food, but the fear that shows up around it? We dive deep into how progress anxiety, social pressure, and weekend habits create an all-or-nothing loop—and how to break it without white-knuckling every meal. This is a practical roadmap for navigating birthdays, pubs, holidays, and random Wednesdays with less drama and more control.

We start by naming the fear that kicks in when life moves outside the comfort zone. If a meal isn’t perfect, many people swing to excess and wake up to guilt, bloat, and scale noise. The fix is simple and powerful: preempt the outcome before you indulge. If pizza tonight likely means higher water weight tomorrow, either accept it and move on or skip it. That tiny contract prevents the shock-and-spiral and rebuilds trust in your decision-making.

We also tackle social pressure and how to filter it. People who live the health you want won’t shame your boundaries, and they won’t push cake when you’re protecting your goals. We reframe balance as feeling good during and after a meal, not “making peace” with trigger foods that open the binge door. For some items, a firm boundary is kinder than a constant negotiation. Then we rethink the week: stop outsourcing “relaxed” eating to chaotic weekends. Treat Saturday like Day One, place your flexible meal midweek, and detach foods from days. The calmer rhythm reduces extremes, steadies energy, and makes progress feel normal.

Finally, we zoom out beyond the scale. Holding weight after junk food isn’t a win if digestion tanks, hormones wobble, and mood crashes. Food is fuel, even in maintenance. Build self-respect by aligning your plate with how you want to feel tomorrow. Communicate with yourself before and after events: what do I want, what helps, what hurts, and what’s worth it? That honest loop turns “I hope I don’t mess up” into “I know what I’m choosing.” If this resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs food calm, and leave a quick review to tell us your biggest trigger and how you plan to handle it next time.

Transcript

Naming The Fear Around Food

SPEAKER_00 0:02

All right, guys. Today we're going to talk about um your relationship with food. And the reason I want to talk about this is because a few things. Number one, there's been a few conversations I had this week about a fear around food or fear of going back to a version of yourself that you used to be, or relationship with food that you used to have. But also, as we start to think about Christmas and the holidays, we need to be thinking about this, you know, similar to summer, but the difference is if you've been in this game for a while now, when you've got some results, there is this fear of losing the results. And that fear causes sometimes unnecessary eating. Because if we're really fearful of something, we step one foot over the line into that zone. Sometimes it can be like all or nothing mentality. And all or nothing mentality leads to pure destruction, sometimes on a weekly basis, monthly basis, and a lot of damage can be done in one day. Um, because once you open that door, it can uh it can be a few hours before it gets shot again. And the next day you're thinking, why the fuck did that happen? And it's normally around the relationship that we have with food, but also have uh also have with ourselves. So a few different um headers today. Number one is this fear of messing up, and this happens a lot, especially in the beginning of someone's journey, is when you're getting some great results, you are starting to feel better, you're three or four kilos down, body is starting to tighten up, and something comes in the diary. You've got a wedding, a holiday, a party, and there is this overwhelming fear of oh, I'm out of my rigid comfort zone, and there's a potential that I can't control everything, so therefore, like this is gonna mess me up. And that fear is it's only valid if you're about to go into this scenario and eat like, mind my French, an arsehole. Eat like an arsehole, look like an arsehole. Yeah, like if you go into any event and eat like a normal person,

Events Outside The Comfort Zone

SPEAKER_00 2:35

you're gonna be absolutely fine. But what happens is we've created this comfort zone. A lot of moms do this actually when you've had a baby. You create uh moms and dads, you create a comfort zone where you stay in the house all day long because it's easier than going out and getting a push chair, and what if she hasn't got snacks and what if they haven't got this and hobbies become I don't want to go, you know, you get you get very comfortable in your surroundings. But this is a big issue with dieting if we can only diet in our household, or we can only diet like from here to the office or the office back home, because essentially that's not how life is, and we need to understand that there's gonna be times where we're not in our comfort zone, that we need to function like a normal person, it doesn't mean because we can't do X, Y, and Z, we're definitely put in our way. The way your diets are structured, the way your lifestyle is structured, training, steps, recovery, and nutrition. If some of them are off or slightly off, it doesn't mean that the weight just rockets back on. It doesn't mean if you didn't track for a day, it's the end of the world. It doesn't mean if you miss a training session, it's the end of the world. You know, if someone messaged me today and said, Oh, I'm sick, how do I not fuck up all my results? I was like, don't eat shit and rest. You know, when you put it like that, it's pretty simple. Just don't eat shit. But sometimes what we do is we go into these events and into certain scenarios, and because we can't follow these really strict rules, we go, well, the rules are gone. So it's it's carnage and it we cause carnage and we eat and eat and eat and eat and eat. And then we do put on weight because essentially you've overeaten, but then your mentality goes back to, oh, I've proven the point of anytime I eat outside of my environment that I put on weight. And it's like, no, that's like a real toxic way of thinking. It's not eating outside of your environment that put on weight, it's because every time you go outside your environment, you eat like, again, an arsehole. Um, and we need to get better at going into certain situations and just eating like a regular person, just having a normal-sized meal and calling it a day. You know, it might not have 50 grams of protein in, it might not be macro friendly, but realistically, if the calories are around about 500 calories in a meal, you're gonna be absolutely fine. If you go into

All-Or-Nothing And Overeating Spirals

SPEAKER_00 5:20

a restaurant and yeah, the protein, there's no protein, let's say you're going to the vegan restaurant. If the meal's around 500 calories, it's not gonna be the end of the world. But if we treat it like the end of the world, what's gonna happen is we're gonna end up going overboard. Now, when we make one mistake, sometimes the guilt becomes so much that we feel really disappointed with ourselves, um, and we feel really low and really like annoyed. And then with that whole mentality, when we get to that really low point, the way you speak to yourself and the way you treat yourself in that moment, it's it's not with respect. So, therefore, you're gonna go and do things that's gonna try and potentially help the way you feel. And the body's very smart, it'll go find things of you know that are gonna spike your endorphins or dopamine, whatever. Things like sugar, chocolate, um, alcohol, some people smoking, some people sex, drugs, and rock and roll, whatever the vice is. But when you feel guilty, you feel upset and sad. And when you feel upset and sad, you need something to bring you out of that. And normally that comes down to sugar, um, which then makes you feel more guilty, which brings a cycle on. The guilt you know, sometimes we're gonna fuck up. It happens. And you know, I've been doing this a long time and I fuck up sometimes, more more often than than not. Um but what I'm not gonna do is I'm not gonna have this heavy guilt about it. Now, you've got to be very straight with yourself. Let's say, for example, let's say I have a pizza on Sunday. Pizza on Sunday, I get up on Monday morning and I weigh a little bit more. Now I've got a few options here. Option one is I had the pizza, I really liked it, I enjoyed it, and I've got to be okay with the fact that I'm a little bit heavier today, but this weight should drop off. Is this weight real? Probably not, because a lot of it's water weight, salt, etc. blah, blah, blah. But I move on. Pretty guilt-free. Option number two is I had a pizza, step on the scales the next day, and some of us are getting surprised by the scales being up. And then they get frustrated and they get annoyed. Well, actually, the best thing to do is preempt yourself before you have the pizza of knowing, listen, if I have a heavy calorie meal, a heavy soaked meal, the scales are gonna be up. So if I don't want to have to deal

Handling Guilt And Scale Reactions

SPEAKER_00 8:10

with that and I don't want that drama in my life, don't eat the fucking pizza. But don't eat the pizza and then weigh yourself and then be in a mood about thing that you knew was gonna happen. Like you're causing and you're causing the destruction by the mentality that you're having. If you're going to have a nice meal or a dessert, if you're going to have something that you want in that moment, have it, deal with it, accept it, and move on. If it was worth having, it'd be worth the pound that you put on the next day that you can drop off potentially that week. If it wasn't worth the pound that you put on and you've made that mistake, remember it for next time. The next time you go, it's not worth the pound. I don't want to do it again. You know, if you know it's gonna put a pound on, ask yourself in that moment, is this worth it? Is this worth me putting another on? And if it isn't, move on. Because certain scenarios, we are at a birth, let's say a birthday party or a pub is a good one, where we as soon as we go into that scenario, we say, Oh, because I'm in a pub, I need to have a drink. Oh, it's someone's birthday, I need to have a piece of cake. Oh, I'm going on a holiday, I need to have the whole holiday revolve around food. And that is because of patterns that you've created before, and also because of people around you. I listened to a really good quote yesterday, and it was like rich people don't judge you when you're saving money. Healthy, fit people don't judge you when you're saying no to cake and alcohol. The people that judge you on them things aren't the people that you want to be like. So if you want to be healthy and fit, you can't take judgment from them people because someone that's healthy, if you run out for a meal with me and the dessert menu come and you said, I'm not eating dessert, I'm charging my calories, do you think I'm gonna judge you? No, I'm like, oh, well done. Good, good decision. That's a smart decision because I'm fit and healthy. If I'm sitting there not feeling great about myself, not feeling confident about myself, not very healthy, there's potential I'm gonna go, oh, have a dessert. What are you doing? Oh, come on, man, we don't need to lose weight. And that's me just putting it on you. One finger at you, three fingers at me. Yeah? But if you're at a meal or a party or an event around people and you're worried about judgment, ask yourself, am I getting judgment from the person that I want to be like? Because that guilt at certain times is enough to cause you to overeat. Because people are saying, you should have a drink, you should do this, you should do that. But they don't know what's going on inside your head. They don't know that actually when you start having a piece of cake that you can't stop when you get home. They don't know that when you have one drink, that it might cause a chain reaction and then you end up in McDonald's on the way home. They don't know all that information. So they're wrong for doing it, yes, but they haven't got the whole information to make such an impact on the decisions that you're making. So you have to really trust yourself and trust yourself around food and really trust the decisions that you're making around food. Knowing that, you know, fear comes from um a place of you know, especially with food, is feeling out of control. I'm out of you hear that a lot. Like, I was out of control. I somebody was there, I blacked out. So you didn't fucking black out, you knew exactly what was going in your mouth. Like someone comes down like this and goes, right, where are we going? Takes you to the fridge,

Social Pressure And Who You Listen To

SPEAKER_00 12:10

puts your head in the cake, pulls you back out, and the next day you wake up and go, I was out of control. Oh my god, an alien came and just took took over my body. It's like, no. There were many moments where you was you were in control um and you knew exactly what what you were doing. And then we we we we put fear on it because we're thinking, oh, next time I go into this scenario of a birthday, I'm gonna be out of control. It's like, no, trust yourself a little bit more, and then you won't have as much fear. Trust yourself that you can walk into a birthday party and see cape and go, I'd have been dead today. Trust yourself you can be in a pub and go, I'll have a Coke Zero today. Trust yourself that you can be at a restaurant and go, I've had a nice meal, I don't need a dessert. By trusting yourself, there doesn't need to be any fear because you're gonna be in a very strong position as you go into these, yeah. If you want it, if you want to have times of relaxation, that's fine. But not if it's gonna create a chain reaction. Like I said, you're gonna step on a scale that's gonna make you feel guilty and guilty and guilty. But certain areas of certain scenarios don't have to revolve around the food. Some people, and they won't be on the program because they won't have gotten themselves in a you know a place where they need to lose a little bit of weight, but some people have a really good relationship with food where they just don't have that issue. They just can go at a party and go, I'm just gonna have a plate of food and move on, and I don't end up binging. And that's them, and that that is fine. But unfortunately, some of us, we don't have that. So we have to implement different rules and and and we have to put in different barriers around certain foods, like finger food, biscuits, crisps, chocolate, etc. That kind of food, having a relationship with it, some people yearning for a relationship with that food. And I'll be honest, you don't need a relationship with that food. Because that food is meant for you to eat more and more and more of. Now, sometimes it can feel like a relief, release. Sometimes it can feel, especially around women, especially around your cycle, you can feel like, oh, I need this food to make me feel better, or I need that, you know, or maybe I'll just have one biscuit or one piece of chocolate. Or, you know, but once you start, you will not be able to start. You had a bad day, you just get the copies out. Once you start, you not you will not be able to start. And that, what happens there is like you've got to look at that, and it's you know, it some people won't like to hear this, you've got to look at that as a as a level of self-abuse. Because you're doing something that one harms your health, being gin is not good for your health. No one can argue it is, two, is making you feel sad and guilty after. Um, and three is is potentially putting weight on your body when you don't

You’re Not Out Of Control

SPEAKER_00 15:20

want that. So you're doing something to yourself that is bringing you actually no, there's nothing positive coming out of that. And actually the end result tends to be all negative. So it's a kind of way of like hitting self-destruct at some points. And if and if we start giving it that kind of that kind of level of of tone, if we start giving it that kind of of head of that kind of food, crispus, crisp chocolate chocolate, you know, ice cream, etc., it's more and more and more. If we start to kind of like label it as a fucking hell, that food is, you know, that's me self-harming, we can start to put like that in a completely different box. What we can't do is kind of glamorize it and go, oh, I'd like a biscuit because I deserve a biscuit. And I've I've been a very good boy this evening, and I should get myself a biscuit. It's been a tough week for me, and I can handle the biscuit. It's like, no, you can't. No, you can't, because 99.9% of people can't handle one biscuit and move away. So you can't, but if we label it as bad, it's like, okay, I had a bad day today, I'm gonna go self-harm with some binge. It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Is that the right thing to do? You know, and if we start, especially if you're in a relationship, you start labeling that in the household, comes a bit of a different conversation. You know, if your partner's feeling shit about herself, or you, you know, your husband's not feeling good about yourself, and they all of a sudden just smash in loads of food, you've got to be like, what, you know, you've got to speak about it in the tone of like, what are you doing? Why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you harming yourself in this way? But sometimes what we do is we again, we we glamorize it, or we we it's okay, it's gonna make you feel better. It's like we both know this is not making anyone feel better. So some foods, and so we will argue this, you know, there should be balance. It's like, yes, which I'll talk about in a second, balance is a different type, but some foods are not there for you to have balance with. An alcoholic isn't trying to have balance with having half a lager. A drug addict isn't trying to have balance with maybe just doing a bump of coke. They ain't doing it because they know as soon as I go down that road, it's game over. And some of us, if we classify that relationship with food as toxic as some of that class A behavior, we will stop trying to have a relationship with it. Because balance for me is having food, enjoying it, and enjoying it an hour after, 12 hours after, and a day later, and

Redefining Balance And Trigger Foods

SPEAKER_00 18:00

saying, you know what, I really enjoyed that. I enjoyed that meal. I went out with Roman. We had a steak, I had a pint of Guinness. I loved it. I had some chips. I felt great after. And I don't regret it, I had a great night. That's balance, that's making me feel happy about myself. What wouldn't be balanced is just me and Roman, you know, I went around his house and we both sat there eating biscuits off each other's chest. You know, it was we'd wake up the next day and go, what happened there? Would be wouldn't be good balance. Like there's balance with certain foods in certain scenarios, yeah? Oh shit, yeah. I mean each other's belly buttons. Like it we've got to list what where we want that balance. And just because we're going to certain scenarios doesn't mean we have to have balance. Doesn't mean that, yeah. Sometimes, and this will happen, Monday to Friday is an easy, easier um few days to navigate. And then Saturday, Sunday creeps in and we we end up a few things creeping in. And by the end of maybe about two-ish on Sunday, Monday's just around the corner, which is a restart, which is a restart, a refresh, the restart Monday mentality. So we can cause a little bit of carnage and then restart again on Monday. And we'll think about it on Monday, but now let's just cause bit carnage and then start again on Monday. It's been a good week, but I'll just go mad and then start again. We've got to reset the thinking about the days of the week. And that's obviously down to work. But what if your Monday is Saturday? Would you be treating the weekend like that? Or would you be treating it with a bit more respect? You know, what if you're Saturday, Sunday was Thursday, Friday? Like that is just a way to reframe, oh, you know, especially when they weekends are hard. It's like, yeah, if you look at them as weekends, but let's look at them as Monday, Tuesday, and dash day one. Like do your weight on a Saturday and look at look at it as day one and go into them and try and you know have a bit more structure in them days. And then maybe on a Wednesday, you can plan a meal out because you know on Wednesday you don't have as much of a reset mentality. So you're creating a better relationship with the days of the week and the food and how you handle food throughout the week. Because we will talk, we will look at certain days and look at it with certain types of food are okay on them days. Yeah, Sunday lunch, obviously Sunday takeaway, weekend, Friday night, third some people did Thursday night alcohol beers, you know. We we we label food um attached to certain days. And if we can re-jig that a little bit, it will start to help you. If you find yourself every Saturday, Sunday always saying to yourself, okay, I need a bit of relaxation on the diet, and it always ends up being a bit too crazy. Maybe put that bit of relaxation in on a Wednesday night, because by Thursday, you just like, I'm not gonna go mental on a Thursday. Starts to reset it just a little bit. And it just changes it all. By understanding yourself and understanding your relationship with food, what triggers you, what makes you feel good, what makes you feel bad, really understanding that will give you a much more balanced approach and a calmer approach to your overall week. Because if you understand yourself, which no one else will be able to understand you as much as you can understand yourself, if you can understand yourself and understand what you truly want from your body and how you truly want to feel about your body and what's truly going to make you happy, it's surrounding food and lifestyle, etc., you'll be able to navigate the week in the way you want, not in the way anyone else wants, but in the way you want. And that might be having a bit of cake, but because you wanted it at the birthday, but then you're you're not you're okay with that because you're in control of it at all times.

Weekends, Weekdays, And Reframing

SPEAKER_00 22:00

But when we let other people influence, events influence, different scenarios, influence, different days of the week, influence, different holidays, influence. Influence is so much that we feel out of control. We're creating a lifestyle that we don't like. And that's what's got a lot of us in a position where we go, fucking put a bit of weight on recently. And it's because we've been influenced but around us, and we're not actually listening for what's best for you. We're very good at, especially if you have children, you're very good at doing the best for your children. But actually, what you need to stop doing is doing the very best for you. Because that will make you a better person for everyone else. And lastly, those that are close to their goal in maintenance, those that are slimmer and feel like they don't have to lose weight, yet they want to, they're trying to build strength or freeze them, like build something else where weight loss isn't your overall target. When you're in a position where weight loss isn't your overall target, you don't have the anxiety of scales. And sometimes you can get on the scales and go, right, I'm 80 kilos today, I had a pizza, burger, chips, beers, whatever, and I weighed the next day at 80 kilos, I'm winning. Yeah? You cheated the system a little bit. What you've got to understand is, like I say, even for weight loss clients, scales is one measurement of success. Yeah. And actually, you know, there's so many other measurements of success that really we should take into consideration. But if we know scales is only one measurement of success, you're not cheating the system by having a shit day and staying the same weight. Because actually your energy levels are going to be lower, you're going to feel a bit more shit about yourself, your hormones, how the effect that it's actually having on the inside of your body, your digestion, your gut, all those things, your mood, your day-to-day are way more impactful than the scales. There's a reason why athletes eat a diet. And I'm not talking about athletes that need to be a certain weight. I'm talking about sprinters, footballers, Formula One drivers. You know, when I met Lewis Hamilton, told me about his diet, how intricate it was, yeah? Because they know about health and about how their body should function. Don't feel like you're getting away with eating shit food. Even those on the weight loss journey, don't feel like you're getting away with eating shit food if you weigh you the same the next day and go, oh, I dodged a bullet. So then you didn't dodge a bullet. Your digestion is shit, your hormones are all over the place. It's gonna make this week a hell of a lot harder. Food is fuel. Yes, we don't always want to be under in a deficit. We

Measures Beyond The Scale

SPEAKER_00 25:00

want to be in that while we've got weight loss, then get out of it. But even when we're in maintenance, even when we're trying to gain weight, food is fuel. Food is fuel for your energy levels, food is fuel for your hormones, and food is really, you know, will really determine how you feel about yourself. I know some very slim people that have a very bad diet, that have a low mood, bad hormones, and just you know, not very good overall energy. Because the respect of what they're putting into their body is low. So therefore, that's what's you know coming out of them. Start to respect your body. Start to respect your goals and start to respect yourself by having a high level of self-respect and really saying to yourself, you know what, I want this from me because I deserve to be healthy, happy, I deserve to be fit, I deserve to get clothes on and feel good and feel sexy and all these things. I really deserve that. If you really, really respect yourself and put yourself on a bit of a pedestal, you will start to respect what you put in your body. You will start to respect the decisions you make in and around your week. You'll start to respect the way you speak to yourself when every now and again you do make a bit of a mistake, because we all make mistakes. Building a solid relationship with yourself and food is key in this journey. What is not key is not communicating with yourself. This is my last point. Very much like a relationship. Some people will say, we don't even argue. Most therapists will say, that's a problem. Why? You ain't communicating. If you're not communicating, you're just a bit ticking time bomb, mate. If you're creating a lifestyle that's so rigid and so strict, and it's it's within the safety of your four walls, as soon as you step out of that, boom, it's game over. You need to start communicating with yourself. You need to start communicating with the relationship of your food in different scenarios and really understanding yourself, just like a relationship with anyone else, understanding that person, what they're like in and out and around the house, understanding what makes them take all these things. That communication level will make you have a real good understanding of yourself. Of then

Food As Fuel And Self-Respect

SPEAKER_00 27:30

in each scenario, you'll be very confident. Very, very, very, very, very confident because the relationship you have with food will be solid. Not perfect, but we'll fuck up, but it will be solid. So quick recap. Lose the fear of messing up. You're in control. Guilt. Try not to have too much guilt. Preempt what's going to happen after this meal. And if you don't like the outcome, don't do it before. Trust yourself. Trust yourself around events. Trust that you're making the best decision for yourself. Only listen to judgment of people that you would like to be like. Yeah. All or nothing mentality, changing the days around the weekend, rethinking how you structure food around the weekend. Rethink how you structure your mentality at certain events. And that's time, building calm in your relationship with food. And for those that ain't on the weight loss journey, remember just because you dodge the bullet on the scales does not mean that you dodge the bullet with your digestion, health, hormones, and energy.

unknown 28:40

Okay.