Dear Chocolate: It’s Not Me, It’s My Goals

Goals fall apart when they stay vague, distant, and fueled by early-year hype. We take a different route: set a clear theme for the year, break targets into Q1 and Q2, and install reality checks that keep you on course when life gets loud. Instead of chasing quick results, we commit to small, compounding wins and a steady identity shift that makes consistency feel natural, not forced.

We unpack why motivation often dips in winter, how to use Q1 for foundational work, and why Q2 tends to deliver momentum. From there, we dig into practical accountability—inviting the people around you to give honest reminders before a big event becomes a harsh wake-up call. You’ll hear how to operate through stress, sickness, and parenting demands by using minimum effective actions: simple nutrition choices, steps where possible, and smarter scheduling. The message is blunt but freeing: you can’t control every outcome this week, but you can control inputs that stack over months.

We also dismantle shortcuts—one-meal-a-day fads, cleanse culture, and overreliance on appetite suppressants—because a temporary identity creates temporary results. Real change happens when you become the person who can say no at the pub, skip dessert when it doesn’t serve the plan, and treat training like a meeting you won’t miss. By focusing on seven-day process reviews and 2% improvements, you build habits that survive busy weeks and rebound after setbacks. Maintenance then becomes a new balance, not a return to the old life in a new body.

If this resonates, follow along, subscribe, and share the episode with someone who needs a gentle reality check. Drop a review with your one 2% upgrade for this week—we’ll hold you to it.

Transcript

Framing Goals By Quarter

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Okay. Sorry, I'm just laughing because we had a little pre-conversation beforehand. We are speaking about goals today. Last week we did a big goal setting call and it was fantastic. So many of you showed up. I think the form was great, but also so myself. A lot of people filled it out, and I've been able to set goals really clearly for the next quarter, if not two quarters. I think concentrating on the first two quarters is always a better way of thinking about it rather than concentrating on the whole year up front. We have the overarching goal, and it's always that background goal, but we can kind of split that into Q1 and Q2. And what's really good with having that understanding of a goal is we have a clear direction for a short amount of time. And Q1 is a really good time to do it because actually I believe people are more motivated in Q2. Actually, people assume they're going to be really motivated in Q1, but people are a lot more motivated in Q2. So there's

Motivation Myths And Q1 Reality

SPEAKER_00 1:08

a few edge cases. But if you're in the UK, it's a lot darker at the minute, it's colder, getting your ass to the gym, it's quite busy. There's a lot of things that are kind of pushing against you. As you're coming into Q2, summer's coming up. We've got the holiday. There's a little bit more of a need to get the body in a certain place. Sleeves are coming off, going into vests. So there's a bit more of a need for it in Q2. So if we can do a good bit of work in Q1, it sets us up for Q2 in a really good way. Then we have that summer period where we can relax a little bit and then they come back after summer and you kind of top that year off to be able to have that relaxed December, put it all back on and do it all over again. But we want to really concentrate on this first quarter. We've set this target of what we want to do. And we want to go, right, how am I getting to that goal as much as possible? And I really want you to keep replaying that goal over and over and over in your head. We made a theme for the year. Every decision, everything that comes your way needs to be a is this going towards my theme? Is this something that is making my life go in the direction that I want it to do, that I set at that date?

Reality Checks And Social Accountability

SPEAKER_00 2:25

Because things will come up: tiredness, sickness, stress. And in the moment we can forget about our goal, and in a moment we can tell ourselves we want other things. And we've got to get that reality check. And that reality check is key. Sometimes it's best to tell a few people around you, and you might not like the first few reality checks they give you. But then when they say, Hey, you said you wasn't drinking, hey, I thought you were not having sugar. First time you'd be like, Oh, shut up. But then just little reminders, you know, sometimes telling your partner, like, do not let me eat sugar. Because there'll be a time when you're stressed, you're sitting on a sofa, you're knacking, and you're thinking, I'm gonna get a bag of chocolate. And you need a reminder, you need a reality check. And sometimes you can't give yourself that reality check. What we want, the goals we set, we can sometimes get into a mindset that makes us forget it all. But there'll be certain reminders throughout the year where someone will go, Oh, remember it's my wedding next week. Have you done your dress fitting? And you go, Fucking hell, we've been putting this dress fitting off, and the dress doesn't quite fit because I didn't quite do my goals that I said I was gonna do. I wanted to look banging for this wedding, and now it's two weeks, and I really want to go hard and get it done, but you can't, it all goes wrong. There'll be reminders that keep reminding me every now and again, hey, remember that goal that you set. Hey, remember you want to lose some weight. Hey, remember you want to feel sexy this year. Hey, remember you said you wasn't gonna drink. You you need them reminders, but what we don't want to do is get to a reminder and have forgot about that goal up until that point. So we need reality checks beforehand. Some things can come your way that make you want to quit, that make you want to give up. Oh, I got sick, it just keeps happening. Every year I want to lose weight, and it never happens, and you give up. Oh, I've not lost weight for a week. This is bullshit and give up. And then in six months' time again, you want to lose weight again, or you want to better your body again, or you want to better your health again, or in four months' time, or maybe next January, you go through the same loop. If you look back at the years, maybe 10 years, if you're old enough, 10 years. If you look at the thing, there'll be moments with every year where you go, I fucking wish I did that. Some people have been trying to lose six kilos for 10 years, you know, it happens. I've been there. It will always come back, these goals, they'll always be there. No matter what things you're going through in life, they'll always come back. So we've got a real opportunity where we've set the goals this year, a real opportunity to get some things that have been holding us back for all this time, out the way. And the hardest part of it, the only thing

Excuses Versus Reality And Control

SPEAKER_00 5:20

in the way of us and feeling fucking unbelievable, good energy, sexy body, feel good and clothes, feel sexy naked, like just feeling the best is ourself. That's the only person in the way. It's not like you've got other things that are kind of getting in your way, people are force-feeding you, people are doing the only person in the way of you and success is yourself, and it's the things that you're telling yourself in moments when you should be achieving stuff. It's the I don't like excuses because I think it's I think we all have excuses, and I think excuses are their reality. So we do all have excuses, and I hate that thing of like, oh no, it's excuses. It's no, no, but it is your reality. But there's ways real around your reality. Being sick, yeah, it is an excuse, but it is your reality. But there is ways around being sick. Yes, you can't train, yes, you can't get your steps in, but you can control your nutrition. There is some realities where it's very, very, very difficult where you might get injured and you can't train, your mentality is low because you can't get your steps, you can't train. You can still control your nutrition. You can still avoid the things that you don't want to have, or you don't need to have. Anyone like that or flew or feel sick? I need a bottle of original Leucusade. I don't know what marketing genius put out there a full bottle of Leucusade, made you feel better. I can remember when I used to be sick on a sofa, Mom, I need the original Leucusade. And I thought that was cowpoil, did nothing, just a big influx of sugar. Energy went up for about five minutes. But at the moment you tell yourself some stupid shit what you need. So find them reality checks. And a good way to practice reality checks is just remind yourself of your goal every day. Whether it's post-it note, whether it's on your phone, whether it's just a little mantra that you say to yourself, I have to do it a lot with my mentality around business, around fitness, I've kind of finessed that to a certain degree now. But around my business, I have to have this mantra of like, it's gonna be okay. You don't need to go viral. Concentrate on the clients that you have. You don't need more, you don't need these things. It's saying to yourself every single day, these I want to get to that. I'm three months away from feeling sexy, I'm three months away from feeling amazing. I don't need chocolate. Yes, I'm hungry, but I don't need little mantras and little recaps over and over and over again. One of the hardest things from going from here to here is also the identity shift that you need to do. There's an identity shift that takes you from here to here because this identity did certain shit to survive, and they had certain habits and they had certain rituals and they had a certain lifestyle. And that same lifestyle will not actually be here at this point. Some of you will drink more, some of you will use sugar as a coping mechanism, some of you will binge eat when you make one wrong mistake. There's an identity shift that you need to go across, and that's why I really wanted to concentrate on the theme this year of who is it that you want to become and what is this year about? Because you can start that identity shift where just because I'm sitting in a pub does not mean I need a drink. The old version of you would have done it, but the new version of you doesn't need it. Just because I'm at a business meeting and the person across from me is having a drink doesn't mean I need to have a drink. It doesn't mean I have to be that person that says, yes, I'm gonna have a drink as well, just to make you feel better. There needs to be an identity shift of I'm the person that says, I'm okay, I don't know drinking. I'm strong enough to say that. Identity shift of I get up a little bit earlier to get my stuff done. I don't have dessert because everyone else is having dessert. I don't listen to what everyone else says because I'm living my own life. There has to be a little bit of an identity shift because they are two different people and they take two different things to you've got to do different things to achieve different things. We need habits, we need lifestyle, all these things that go ahead. It has to shift the identity. And the reason it has to shift the identity because if it doesn't shift the identity, what you have is you have a short-term program and a short-term solution to your problems that will not stick. Now, I can get some of you to your goal, probably double the speed that you need.

Identity Shift Over Shortcuts

SPEAKER_00 10:15

Let's say some of you have got to, you want to lose weight quick. Actually, here's what we're gonna do. I've seen a guy on social media today. He's basically, I've lost 20 kilos in 10 weeks because I did the nomad diet, and the nomad diet is one meal a day. I thought, fuck it now. Yeah, bet he did. What happens when you eat two meals a day, babe? Your weight goes back on, fries back on. So he's created a short-term identity shift of I eat one meal a day. But we can all put our money on. You ain't gonna eat one meal a day until you're 50 years old. So, what happens when you put two meals away? What happens when you have a beer again? This is not a lifestyle change. This is a this is a short-term bandage, and we could do that with cutting carbs, we can do that with juice cleanses, we can do that with extreme cardio. Some people can use Zempic for that. You see my newsletter this week. I some people can use a Zempic for that. Could be a great tool for people to lose weight in a great way, but some people take a lot of it to mask the the hunger, cut the calories losing away. What happens when you take it out? If you're not doing these shifts, if you're not doing these habits, when you get to that goal, there's gonna be a problem. There's gonna be an issue because when you start to put all the old stuff that you used to do back in, what happens is you go back to that old person. And that's what maintenance isn't. And that's what people get a misunderstanding about, it's misunderstanding of the word, about maintenance. They think, oh, when I get to maintenance, I'm gonna be able to have all the things I used to have. So no, that's not maintenance. Maintenance is now figuring out what a new balance looks like you look looks like for you. Is it I have a dessert but I don't eat six bags of chocolate on my sofa? Is it I have a glass of wine because I fancied it? Is it I still train hard and I still push the weights? Like when we get to maintenance, we just throw the training, throw the macros through all that way. It's different. You have to be okay with that identity ship. So if some of you are struggling with that identity ship, or some of you are even struggling to get to your goal, it might be because you keep trying to do things that you were doing over here. People struggle a lot with this, with being poor and then being super rich. People that win the lottery, for example. You got someone that was like uh, I don't know, um worked in a laundrette, wins a lottery, and then two years later they're skin. They didn't have the time to learn how to deal with 10 million quid. They just went and spent it all in their pocket. Same with weight loss. We, you know, you need time to build a character, but as we go. I want you to concentrate on short-term success, seven days at a time. That's what we do. Seven days check-in, Monday to Monday or Sunday to Sunday, whatever it is. Seven days, seven days. Concentrate on them seven days and go right. It ain't always gonna be perfect, unrealistic. It ain't always gonna be spot on, unrealistic. And if it is, it's probably gonna go wrong at some point. But if we go Monday to Monday, how did we do? And it isn't about, let's say you're on a weight loss target. This isn't about how much weight you lost. Do you get brownie points? Your job is actually not to lose weight, your job is actually not to report on your results. That is not your job. Your job is to go, Louis, what you asked me to do, I was really good at this, I was not so good at this, I was amazing at this, I could do better at this, and I'm struggling at this. Then my job is to do, is go, okay, how do we get all these to a point where you're going, I'm doing everything I can. And Louis, where's my result? That's how this game works. Your job isn't to turn up or check in and go, hey, here's my results. How did I do? I just look the result for me is just like, okay, even if you were to get the result, then I go to the process, I look at the process and I say, Whoa, we're underdoing food. Like I said, a call just now, lost

Maintenance As A New Balance

SPEAKER_00 14:20

some weight last week. I was, oh, great, lost some weight last week. Went for the macros. Like, whoa, you're under-eating. So, okay, well, yeah, but I got the result. Okay, but what's going to happen is we're doing stuff that's not sustainable. So therefore, what's going to happen is when we can't do this any longer, we go back to the old use. We've got to build these habits, we've got to build the process, we've got to do the things that we need to do to get the right result. The right result would always come. We can control the outcome in any way, shape, or form. I can get you from zero to marathon runner, zero to Mr. Olympia, zero to whatever. All we need is time and structure. This game is literally science. It's input, output, mixing and matching the formula. So if you can do what I ask as much as possible, we can control the output, the outcome as much as possible. Yes, there is some different, you know, it's not as black and white as everyone is the same, because people have hormones, different ethnicities, things like that. But I take all that into consideration. It is your job is to do all the things I ask for on you as much as possible. And then actually, you should be asking me, okay, I'm doing what I'm doing. Where's my results now? And then I have to go, okay, probably we need to change some things because this formula isn't working. So don't feel like you're handing your homework in in regards to the results of the weekend. Pictures, weight, none of that stuff. I'm not looking at that in the same way you're looking at it. I'm looking at the process and how you're doing with that process. So if we look at them seven days, I want you to ask yourself every Monday, last seven days, it's great. What can I do over these seven days to make myself a little bit better? 2%, 3% better. And that might be you need to track a bit better. That might be, you know what, I slapped on my steps. You'll always find something that you could have done. I didn't drink enough water. I went a little bit overboard on my balance. Okay, I probably didn't get out of bed when I should. I told myself this will be 2% to get better. Now, that 2% won't seem that much on a weekly basis. But if you add that 2% every week, add that 2% every week. I'm not going to compound with the mask because I haven't got that ability right now. You would miss my glasses on. But that 2% starts to compound over time, and you become a lot better by the end of the year. So if we get these two people, Louis and Louis, Louis one does the same thing every single week and just does what they can every single week and doesn't try and get any better. Louis 2 just gets 2% better every week. For the first three weeks, we're pretty much equal. But in six months' time, Louis number two's left Louis number one in the I'm gone, mate. Like, see you later. I'm out of it. I'm moving so much much further ahead. It's the small actions that compound over time. And this is where women struggle a lot because some women, not all women, but some women, and it comes from a lifetime of, you know, if you're around the age of 35 to 45, you came through a generation of diet culture. And it's normally about losing weight or nothing. If you're not losing weight, what are we doing? And that comes from weight watches and all these different things. It's like we're losing weight or nothing. When actually there's so much more, there's so much, there's so loads of other things that go on that are more beneficial to you than weight loss. Weight loss is great and it's a big factor.

Process Over Outcomes Weekly

SPEAKER_00 17:55

But there is things like muscle development, hormones, energy levels, all these things that are also improving as well, that you're not seeing the you're not seeing the results of on week to week. You're not really feeling them, but they compound over time. And then you've got this one person that's compounded over time, that their body works way better now because it compounds over time. When they're losing their weight, the muscle definition is way better. They're they might even be the same weight, but all them little bits that are not weight loss that have been happening over time, their body looks unbelievable. And you'll see this a lot at someone with maintenance that their goal isn't to lose weight, but we basically try and improve the body with that movement scales. So weight loss is great, but all these other actions, all these other things, getting heavier, cleaner food, more activity, better sleep, less alcohol, less sugar, better supplements, other things to benefit our health, over time they're compounding and it's making you a much better version of yourself. I listened to something the other day that said, if I read 10 minutes of a book a night for the first week, it's not that much to shout at home about. But if I read 10 minutes of a book a night for three years, I've got 10 minutes smarter over three years, every single night. 10 minutes smarter than someone that doesn't read a book. Then you think about if you get to bed half an hour earlier, then if you think about if I cut sugar down, you get a hell of a lot fitter, a hell of a lot smarter, hell of a lot sexier over time. So the small actions, the small things, week to week, how can I get better than I was last week? What can I improve on? Can I say no to that last thing? Can I, you know, make a better decision this week than I did that week? Emotions, stress, and things that I said before can really. Be a huge factor in this game, and mindset is a big part of it. So we have to take that into consideration as one of the variables. And there'll be different moments where your life is stressful, or let's take, for example, I'm a dad, yeah. I when we first had Romy, I remember the first four months of sleep was boom. Just it was mad, it was crazy. And you have to take that into consideration. That is my reality. Now, a stupid, uneducated coach would be like, you've still got to train, get up a bit earlier, make it happen, make this happen. So, no, you don't understand what I'm dealing with. I'm dealing with my daughters who's tired, me and my wife are tired at each other's throat. I'm trying to run a business. My mindset is just so far away from what I need to do right now. And in that moment, the last thing I want to do is think about weight loss. The last thing I want to do is think about training and all these things. But in that moment, I have two choices. I can sack it all off and go, I need to concentrate on my stresses, which to be honest, won't get that much better. It's my reality. My daughter's not going to change every night. Sometimes at work, it is your reality, not going to change every night. So I can sack all my health off and go, I need to deal with this stress over here first. Well, one, you're not going to deal with it because you're not going to change that. That is just what's going on right now. My other option is to go, I've got all these things going on. What can I do that's going to make me feel better? Because in the moment you're going to feel like shit, yeah? What can I do that's going to make me feel better? Now, this is very, very, very, very difficult to do. Because it's like telling someone that's heavily depressed, you need to go and do a workout to make your health feel, like make your mentality feel better. Like, bro, I couldn't even get out of bed in the morning. That person knows if they do a workout, they're going to feel better. But the what they want to do is stay in bed because they feel depressed. When you're stressed, the last thing you want to do is concentrate on the things that are going to make you feel better. But you have to find that light, just a little bit of light, just a touch of light where you can go, you know what? The worst thing I can do right now is start eating sugar or processed food. Let me try and control that one little variable. Can I get my steps in? Oh, maybe I can go on a walking pad while the baby's down there. Okay, maybe I can actually control that variable. And now what I'm doing is I'm starting to think in between the streps of what I can get in. Yeah. Yeah, I can sit on the sofa with a baby, but I can actually get my steps in. Baby just sits there. So I can actually do that part. Okay, I've got to eat to survive. So I can maybe control my food. I don't want to. I really want to eat burgers and chips right now. I really want to get delivery, it'll make my life a hell of a bit easier. But what can I so I start controlling that? Weekends. Okay, weekends, my eldest daughter's here. She can look after the baby now. Oh, maybe I can start training at the weekend instead of midweek. What I'm starting to do now is giving up here. And then there's that slowly just starting to build little building blocks of what I can do. This is exactly how I work with moms, yeah? I've got a little bit of a program. And then that program is we start to compound on that. We can't always be perfect. And especially when we've got this load of shit that's just landed on our head from somewhere that we didn't even expect it to happen. But in them moments where we want

Compounding Small Wins

SPEAKER_00 23:40

to give up, where we want to throw these goals away, we have to get that reality check quick. Because we know when all this is cleared, we're gonna want that same goal. Yeah. We know we could just go back on past evidence. We're gonna want that same goal. So in their moments, we have to go, what can I do? It's gonna be taking smaller steps towards my goal. Not gonna be huge steps, but smaller steps towards my goal. Because when that clears and that reminder comes, I've not gone so far back that now I have a mountain to climb. Every time you climb that mountain and fall back down, that mountain gets a little bit harder to climb. One, because you're a little bit older, two, because you're tired of climbing fucking mountains. Three, your body's actually, every time you go back, it makes it a bit harder for you to climb. So we don't want to keep climbing mountains. So when we get to them points when everything's terrible, find that little bit of something I can do. Don't just sack it all off, knowing you'll be back. You'll be back at a mindset where you want to get this done eventually. It's just reality. And the last thing is treat this like work. You're all very successful people in different ways, but treat this like work. Don't treat this like something that you need to be motivated for. Some of us are really motivated for work, and some of us are quite disciplined around work, but mainly because you have to be. You know you've got to get out of bed in the morning, especially if you work for someone, and you know you need to turn up to work. Otherwise, you've got someone saying, Where the fuck were you, mate? You were supposed to be in that meeting at nine o'clock and you what you walk in at 11 o'clock. Doesn't happen. Just doesn't happen in your world. You're at work. Fitness is the same. There's days you're gonna be tired, there's days you're gonna be heartbroken, there's days you're gonna be annoyed, the days you're gonna be pissed off, the days you're gonna really want to not do anything. Turn up like you're turning up for work. You've got a program, ticks and boxes in a program. Just like when you're at work, you some days you couldn't think of anything worse than going to work, but you have to go because you've got bills to pay. This bill that you have over here for your health is later on in life, is gonna be so much more important than any bill council tax or anything you're paying these days. Turn you down. It's a bill that is gonna be pay you dividends a hundredfold later on, especially you ladies that are doing strength training. Yes, I know a lot of these goals are weight loss. Yes, some of us don't have that. But the strength training you're doing now, in 10 years' time, you're gonna walk into rooms and you're gonna see the difference between those that did strength training and don't strength train. I see it now with my just look how I looked after my health from 30 to 40. I went from 30, I'm nearly 40 now. I walk in rooms with old people, old, old friends, old people I used to bang around with. And I'm like, whoa, you fuckers did not look after your help. You kept drinking, you kept drinking, didn't you? Yeah, I did. I kept drinking, kept smoking, kept smoking weed, kept doing this thing. You see the difference. You will really see the difference of this pension that you're paying right now in 10 years' time with your strength, with your kids, with whoever you're with in 10 years' time, you'll go, Fad fuck. I did that strength training. It paid dividends. Anyway, that's my little rant over. So just you know, real quick recap. We've got a goal. We know our short-term goals over the quarters. Seven days at a time. How do we get better each seven days? Where can we get our reality checks from? Check yourself, give permission people around you for permission. I'm gonna reality check you, you know. Give do that. If you see me, either, you know, I'll tell you some of my goals this year. I want to put out one YouTube a week. I want to make sure my uh emails going out on a weekly basis. I want to be putting out, I've just set myself a challenge and putting out a video every day to help someone with weight loss. There's three of my goals there. If you don't see them things coming out, you reality check me. You literally see that on YouTube every week. Yeah, fucking posted. You tell me. There's my permission. Find people that are gonna reality check you because that's what's gonna always bring you back to that same spot. How do we change the identity? Yeah, I think that was the last one. All right, guys, let me stop it there and then I open for any questions.