The Mindset Plan For Social Meals

One restaurant meal can feel like it “ruins” your progress, but the real damage usually happens earlier: walking into a social gathering without a clear decision, then trying to fix it with willpower in the moment. We talk through a simple decision tree for eating out that makes the trade-offs honest. Want to fully enjoy the meal with drinks and dessert? Cool, but you have to be OK with the result. Want to leave feeling healthy and still move toward weight loss? Then we build a plan that matches that choice.

We also break down the difference between high-control and low-control situations. A dinner spot you can choose is not the same as a wedding meal, a set menu, or food at someone’s house. We share practical strategies for both: setting realistic expectations, navigating the menu beforehand, deciding your drinks in advance, and making your rules clear so you don’t get dragged into awkward pressure at the table.

The core mindset shift is boundaries and identity. We explain why you should tell friends your plan before you meet, why you should never negotiate with yourself after you’ve decided, and how keeping your word rebuilds self-trust fast. We also hit the emotional side: guilt, fear of missing out, and the fantasy that one more snack is “special” when it usually isn’t. If you want sustainable fat loss, a healthier relationship with food, and confidence in social situations, this is your playbook.

If it helps, subscribe for more straight-talking coaching, share this with a friend who struggles with eating out, and leave a review with your biggest challenge so we can tackle it next.

Transcript

Why Eating Out Feels Hard

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Okay, guys, today we are talking about eating out. Um it won't be so much about calories, what to eat, when to eat. We've done a lot about that. It'll be more talking about the mindset of social gatherings, how to approach them, how to think about them. Now, I'm gonna be very, very, very, very forward and very brutal with what I speak about today. And the reason I'm gonna be like that is because how I think about these things is very different from everyone else, but that equals a lot of success around these events for myself. So if I speak about it in a quite direct way, it's to give you a little bit of understanding of like you can be this direct and it will work for you. Um, but I'll also tell you the truth about these situations. So then, you know, once you've got that truth and once you've got that understanding, you can implement it in the way you want to implement it in your your way, basically. Um, because you know, everyone feels different things. I am not that socially awkward, I don't need Dutch courage, I also don't have a job that's social. Um yeah, everyone has different kinds of friends. Some people are single, some people are married, some people are single married in a partnership. I was trying to think of what else that what other things they uh there are.

The Decision Tree For Meals

SPEAKER_00 1:39

Okay, so eating out. Now I wanted to look at like the process of the thought process as we go through these things. So first things first, when you're approaching eating out, you you've really got a decision tree in your this is what kind of what you need to work on initially. Um and that decision tree is what you someone's not got me on mute, Stephanie. The decision tree is what you want to get out of this meal. Yeah, this needs to happen in your own space. So let's say, where have I got a meal? Oh, I'm going out on Saturday. Me and the wife are going to a hotel. We're gonna have a meal. So I'll go, what do I want to get out of this meal? Do I want to enjoy myself and not worry about my diet? Do I want to come out of that meal feeling healthy and feeling like I did the best I could and not feeling sluggish the next day or not putting on weight? But really, it comes down to like what you want to feel. If your goal is weight loss and you're going into a meal, it's it's a real simple thing. Do I want to go into this meal and try and keep the weight loss down to a minimum, or do I want to enjoy it as much as I possibly can? Um, meaning that the weight will basically go up. And it's that easy, your first decision. What do you want out of this meal? If the idea is to go into a meal and enjoy it, yeah. So let's say I'm going out this Saturday, I'm going to go into this meal and I want to enjoy my day, meal, whatever it is, um, and I don't want to have to think about my diet. What I can't do is be upset with my result the next day. So as soon as you've gone down that decision tree of I want to enjoy myself, you have to be okay with the result. You have to be okay with putting on weight. I don't care if you've been 99.9% on it for the rest of the week and that one meal you decided to be off. With how the body works, we we can't we have to play really quite close to being as best as you could for the week. Because if you if you're doing your best job, then the result is the result. But sometimes you'll do your best job and you're still put on weight. It's like the way the body works. So if you're doing like a bad meal, on top of doing your best job, it's very likely that your weight isn't going to move. And you have to be okay with that. That is the sacrifice for having a nice meal, enjoying the food. That is the sacrifice. Most enjoyable food comes with calories, comes with overindulgence, comes with a full belly at the end of it, alcohol sometimes, dessert, three courses. You know, we eat four meals a day. Some of you can do three of their meals within one meal sitting. Yeah. So you have to be okay with the result. That's plain and simple. So when you're doing your check-ins, like how many off-plan meals do I have this week? Oh, I had one and it was a big one. If the weight don't move, the weight don't move. That's just that's the first decision.

Control Versus No Control Events

SPEAKER_00 4:56

If the decision is I want to come out of this meal healthy, I want to come out of this meal with the results, then it's a whole different ball game. Yeah? It's a whole different ballgame. Because then we have a few different decisions to make. Number one, do we have control over the situation? So let's have when would we not have control? You're going to a wedding. Yeah? I'm going to a wedding, I want to enjoy myself. Okay, I have to be okay with the result. Done. I'm going to a wedding, I want to be healthy at the end of it. Okay, do I have control over this meal? No. So we have to be smart with our expectations and the reality of the situation. We could not drink, you could have the meal and try not to eat the little bits on the side. You can do your best job, but at the end of the day, it's out of your control. You know, you go into a friend's house, they're cooking certain foods, it's out of your control. You can only do what you can do. And it just is what it is. You know, in them situations, it is what it is. You can avoid alcohol, you can avoid a second serving of the food or second serving dessert. But if if you're, you know, if Caitlin is telling me we're going to someone's house and they're cooking us food, it's difficult for me to go, right? I'm not going to eat that because I'm on a diet. Unless I had like a serious competition or photo shoot, I'd probably tell them. But in a day-to-day stuff, I'm probably going to be like, it is what it is. What I can't do it. I've got to just eat, be smart, and eat what I can. Yeah. If I'm going to a birthday party or an event where there's like cake and things like that, that I can control a bit more. I can say, I'm not eating. I'm not going to have, you know, I think Rachel's on the call. Her son had his first birthday party. There was snacks, food, and things like that. I went there, I took my own food. It's like that was I my decision was to come out of that meal feeling good. I took my own food. The idea of taking ungrateful, yeah. The idea of taking your own food is quite daunting for some people. But around my family and friends, they know the situation. They know what they're getting. I'm coming with my own food. Everyone there was like, you know, I think I've got one comment, but I can easily throw it. But it's what it is, the situation. Most gatherings now, you've got Rachel that's on the program, you've got Sophie that's on the program, like they will come into the gallery, they know what they're doing before that gathering. They'll be like, I'm being relaxed, I'm not being relaxed. And they make the rules before. And if you're being, you know, if you're being healthy, people have to respect it. And I'll talk about this. Um I'll talk about this a little bit more when I come when it comes to setting your expectations. But the first thing you need to do before going into these situations is that decision tree.

Set Expectations With Friends Early

SPEAKER_00 7:49

What do I want from this meal? Because then it can set everything up for how you're going to feel after. So let's say you want to be good, you're going out of friends, you want to be good. That socially awkward moment where you've met a friend and you say, Oh, I'm not drinking tonight, or I'm not eating this, and you're you're worried that you're gonna upset them because when someone's drinking on their own, it makes them feel a certain way, and because they feel a certain way, it makes you feel guilty or whatever it makes you feel. Now, let's just enhance this situation a little bit. If I call up Roman for to go for a rave, yeah. Me and Roman are going to a rave. He's like, Yeah, I'll come. If I get to the rave at 7 p.m. Because we're we're old, um, and he wants to go home at 9. And my expectations was we were given it large till 2 a.m. Yeah. He wants to go home at 9. My reality is so far away from my expectations. So I've come out for fucking 2 a.m. And he wants to go home at 9 a.m. So my reality is so far from my expectations, which creates unhappiness. Same with business, the same with lifestyle, the same with relationships, same with everything. So I figure out we're going now, I'm gonna be pissed. I've come out, I've got ready, we're gonna know I'm gonna be annoyed. I'm probably gonna have a few things to say, which is probably gonna make him feel a certain way, which might even make him feel guilty enough to stay till 2 a.m., even though he didn't want to do that. Now, if we rewind this situation and I say, Roman, you want to go out, you wanna go raving? He goes, Yeah, I want to go raving, but I'm gonna let you know right now I'm going home at nine, 9 a.m., 9 p.m. Why? I'm looking after myself at the minute, or I've got sweat on the next day. To be honest, I'm not drinking, I'm doing this. It's just what I'm just going home. I just I feel I don't really want to be on the vendor. I'm gonna go, you know what? Probably not best with rave. Yeah. Or okay, let's go out to nine. Maybe let's go for dinner, let's change the arrangement. My then my reality of the situation, I know when he's going home. So when we're out and about, my reality is my expectation. When I'm meeting my friends for dinner, I'll let them know. Some of my friends will be like, oh, let's meet at the pub beforehand. I'll be like, I'll meet you there, but I'm not drinking, by the way. They'll go, all right, yeah, still meet me. I'll have a beer. All right, sweet. They know the situation. So I've not got to the pub and they've gone, oh, I've got your pint. I've got, I'm not drinking it. But I bought your pint. It's cost eight quid. We're in London. They're gonna be pissed. Their reality, their expectations are far apart. So they're gonna be annoyed. Yeah? They've booked a burger bar and I'm eating a salad. They can be like, why are you eating a salad about fucking five guys? So, oh well, I'm on my on a diet. Let them know beforehand. Hey, just let you know, can we book somewhere healthy? Because I'm on this plan. I'm trying to lose a bit of weight. Why are you trying to lose a bit of weight? Because I feel like shit at the minute. That's why. All right, fair enough. If you've got shit mates and you set your expectations in the forehands and they give you shit, that's on them. Take it on the chin and just be like, you know what, understand that that's coming, that's them projecting on you. I said this to um Bridget early on. If you have, yeah, if you have really healthy friends, yeah, let's say one of you invited me out for dinner because you love me so much. You go, Louis, we're gonna uh do you want to go out for dinner? Or I say, Do you want to go out for dinner? I go, Jasmine, do you want to go out for dinner? And Jasmine goes, Yeah, I want to go out for dinner, but just to let you know, I'm being healthy, so it needs to be healthy. Do you think I'm gonna go, you're being healthy? Oh my god, you're being healthy. What, what? You'd be like, I'd be like, yeah, sweet, I'll book some healthy, yeah. Because my I I'm on the same level as you. It only becomes a problem if I'm the unhealthy one and you're being something that I'm not. So it makes me feel a certain way. So I'm gonna project. Same with drinkers, same with successful people. If a successful person goes, I'm going home at 7 p.m. tonight because I've got a big presentation tomorrow, they're in a room full of other successful people. Other successful people are gonna go, yeah, that kind of makes sense. If people don't have a job and they can get up at 10 o'clock the next day, people are gonna be like fucking, you know, a bit pissed off because it makes them feel a certain way. But you have to set expectations before you go to anything. Tell them what's happening, do not be apologetic. This is who you are, this is what you do. If you meet the same friends and you you set this rule three or four times, I promise you, the fourth time it won't be a thing. My friends know I do not drink, I do not eat certain foods, and that's what happens when we're out. They don't say one thing. Yeah, like you set your expectations and it is what it is. That's who you are. No matter what room that you're in, you maintain that level, you know, because that's who you are. It's it's it will make things so much easier in the moment. If you're going on a date, oh do you want to go on a date? Yeah, just let you know I'm not drinking in a minute. You know, when if you're pregnant and you meet a friend and you go, hey, I'm not drinking, I'm pregnant, they won't say one whisper. Why? Because you're pregnant. Why would they? They're not gonna force you to drink, make them a bad person. They won't say one problem. But you're worried about that same friend that you're not pregnant to I'm not drinking because of being healthy reasons, they're gonna kick off. Because it makes them feel a certain way. If you're driving, I'm not drinking because I'm driving, okay, sweet. Like, you set the expectations. It's all about who you are and setting them expectations with them friends and letting them know that this is different for you. And if they want to go to have a conversation about the whole thing, have a conversation about the whole thing. Because if you're feeling shit about your body, your friend should support you. Your partner should support you. Your friendship group should support you. Like, do they know why you're trying to be healthy? Do they know why you're trying to work hard on yourself? Do they know what was going on for you beforehand? Because if they did, I promise you, they wouldn't fit, they wouldn't give you that same attitude. Now, set expectations.

Plan The Menu And Stick

SPEAKER_00 14:39

If you're going to have a dinner, navigate the menu beforehand. Understand where you're eating, understand what you're having, figure out what you're having before and stick to that. If you are having a drink, how many are you having? Stick to it. Stick to your word. Don't negotiate with yourself. Especially if you've just told your friend you're not drinking, and then you get there and then you drink. They're gonna think you're even more of a loser. They're gonna be like, you said you weren't drinking and now you drink it. Like, you can't be fucking, you're never gonna get healthy. That's the next thing you're gonna get, you know? Set your expectations, then you figure out what you're having in your mind and have it and move on. Do not negotiate. Go in with a plan, nail it, and leave. If that plan is to have dessert, that plan was to have dessert. If that plan was to have one drink, you have one drink. You stick to what you said you were going to do because then what happens is you'll build confidence in you will do what you said you was going to do. The time people struggle with out-ins is because they lose confidence in their self. They lose the confidence in the ability to say, I'm going to have one and I end up having five. I'm going to have this, but I end up having this. I'm going to come home at nine, but I end up being home at 2 a.m. You lose confidence in your ability to stay strong to what you set beforehand. So therefore, you're unreliable to yourself. If you're unreliable to yourself, all of a sudden you won't follow your own goals. You won't be driven because you say it, but you won't even believe your own shit, because you can't stick to it. And this becomes like it becomes a thing. And it becomes it'll become a thing with people around you. But you said you're gonna do something, but you never do it. Oh, you always say you're on a diet, but you never lose any weight because you never stick to it. You become that person. So then people start, when you do set your expectations, people don't take them seriously. But you know, if I go to somewhere and I say I'm not drinking, people know I'm not drinking. I think I went to Sophie's wedding. I thought I was gonna have one drink. I had one drink. Well, I was in bed at night. I left everyone to it. Listen, I'm brutal, but I'll go home when I need to go home because it's who I am. And people can boom me out, they'll boom me out. But the next morning I look at people, I go, but you wish you left at the same time. You know, it's you have to be a little bit selfish in these moments because at the end of the day, when you wake up in the morning, when you look in the mirror, when you try your clothes on, you you are on your own, and then thoughts are lonely thoughts with within you, and them same friends ain't there to support you, to step on the scales, to try on the genes. They're not there for that. It's all about you and how you're feeling within yourself. Like I say, if you make a decision to have a relaxed meal, that's fine. You can have a relaxed meal, you can do these things, but you've got to then deal with the fact you might put a bit of weight on, and it's got to be okay. Saying no, yeah, when people are like, oh, come on, have one, it has to be a hard no. It has to be a very, very hard no. Like, this is what I'm doing, this is who I am, this is what I've set out. It's it's got to be a hard no. If you lead with a hard no, like it's not about being antisocial, it's not about being everything. If you lead with a hard no, it will squash any of that going back and forth, any of that negotiation with other people. It's like, no, mate, I'm not drinking at the minute. I am not like you have to stay strong with your decisions, with what you've said you was going to do beforehand.

Which Version Of You Arrives

SPEAKER_00 18:29

Which version of you is going to the meal? This is a good question. Which version of you is showing up to the meal to the outing? Is it the version of you that you're trying to become, or is it the version of you that you're trying to escape? Because if it's the version of you that you're trying to escape, or the version of you trying to become, which one is it? If it's over here, what's going to happen is you're going to slowly go back to that version of you. Simple as that. If it's over here, you'll get to this new version of you. Now, as you become in the new version of you, and this is not just about losing weight, this is about your mindset, it's about who you are and who you become. You will ask questions of certain situations. I've got a call with a client just before this call, and she's like, Lily, I just every weekend I keep getting swept into these social things. I just don't think it's serving anymore. You know, I'm so close to my goal, but I just keep getting pulled in. I can't, you know, I don't have a good relationship with it, it doesn't make it feel good. It's like, yeah, you're not asking questions of yourself because there's a new version of you saying, yo, this ain't that great for you anymore. This, this, you know, this ain't that good. Like, you should do this when you're 21. You know, you're in your fucking late 30s now, 40s. Like, do you really need to be doing all this stuff still? Do you really need to be waking up feeling shit the next day, feeling bloated and feeling like your belly's not great because you've had loads of overindulged, you couldn't control yourself. Like, you've got to question which version of you is turning up. Like, are you prioritizing your goal? If you're going into that meal and you're prioritizing your goal, you have to put your goal at the forefront, at the forefront of every decision, at the forefront of your friends. Again, like if you want to live the life that your friends want from you, or that life, you will stay in the same position. It's it's as simple as that. Or live by your friends' rules and be okay with where you're at right now. You know, that's that's a good decision. If you like, if you're really worried about how your friends are, and you're really worried about what your friends think about you, like, okay, just saddle up, train, and just stay where you're at right now and just be okay with it. And just live your friends' dreams. Like, that's just you know, you just live that life if that's what you want. If you want to keep your friends happy over yourself, live their life and not your own. But if your goal, if you want this, if you really want to prioritize this, you've got to start living like a different version of yourself. And that version of you has to start making best decisions, has to start setting expectations, has to start setting boundaries, has to look at food in a different way, has to look at things like okay, what do I want from this meal? Do I want to have balance? If I'm gonna have balance, I'm not gonna feel guilty about it. You know, it's it's a whole mindset shift. And this might feel like a lot of hard work, and it is because food is a big part of our lives, number one. And two, if we had a great relationship with food, we all wouldn't be here. So it is, it is it is something to think about.

Drop Guilt And Honor Choices

SPEAKER_00 21:41

Honor your decision, yeah? Honor your decision. If you end up having the cake, take it on the chin. The scales are gonna be up the next day. But we can't, we can't go out, have too many beers, have too much food, and moan that the weight is. Moving. Even if you've done six days on and one day off, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't moan about it. This is you know, you've got to be brutal with the the decision. You know, in a way, there's no point even being guilty about it. Like it really is a case of this has happened, move on. That's it. Like you don't want to sit in that decision pool too much. Oh, this happened and that happened, and the weather was good, and I did this and I felt like that. You don't want to sit in that too much say this has happened, move on. How did it make me feel? Do I feel good? Was it worth it? Like you can ask them questions after, because if it was worth it, even more reason, move on. Let it go. Let the weight game just pop on for a week, get back to it for a couple weeks. Some situations are worth it. If you're meeting a friend that you haven't seen for three years and you want to go and share a nice bottle of wine and have food, make decision. I want to enjoy this meal. Come after, deal with the decision. Just take it on the chin, it was worth it. But what we can't sit in is guilt. Feel guilty about it. I feel guilty that I fucked up. I feel guilty that this happened. Because then, even when you're trying to have balance, what's happening is it's not enjoyable because you spend so much time feeling guilty about it. It's like, so we never get in the moment of enjoyment. We can't enjoy it when we plan to enjoy it because we feel guilty. And then we can't enjoy it when we're trying to be healthy because we feel like we're missing out. So, therefore, it's none of it is enjoyable. It's like just doesn't need to be like that. It's like, I want to enjoy a meal. I'm going to meet this person, they're a nice pulp, and I like the wine there. Perfect. Enjoy it. After, we let it go, move on. It was enjoyable, sweet. Get back to the goal the next day. Goals are not to be rushed. You know, I work with a minimum of six months. Some people I've worked with for years. Like, it's because that length of time, we're trying to be good at the majority of the time, but there is going to be some moments where you have to be off. You have to have times where you're relaxing. You have to have moments where you just enjoy certain foods. It's just that's okay. But we have to be able to live guilt-free. I had an ice cream at the weekend. What did I have? I had uh creams and cherry ice cream, enjoyed it. I didn't think twice about it after. It was delicious. I even ate half of Roman's, it was fantastic. I knew what I was doing before I was eating ice cream. I knew where I was going with that. I was sitting down with my family. It was enjoyable. We had all our ice cream each. I left it, my weight was up a little bit the next day. It's minor. I enjoyed the situation, but what I wasn't gonna do is sit on my sofa half an hour to be guilty about it, eating chocolate because I'm messed up a little bit. Which then ruined the moment which was worth having.

Fear Of Missing Out Debunked

SPEAKER_00 25:03

Now, lastly, before I close this, the fear of missing out. I'll be totally honest with you guys, you're not missing out on much. Because if he was, what you'd be able to do right now is you'd be able to name five or six meals, drinks this year that blew your mind so much it was worth the weight gain. You would struggle to find them in occasions. Um and if you did, you picked them occasions really well. But most of the time we're overindulging and it was not worth it. It really isn't worth it. So you're not missing anything. Like, don't have that feeling of I'm missing something. If you're going to a nice restaurant, I promise you, if you pick something like a steak and veg, by the time you leave that nice restaurant, you will not think about that menu again. You won't. You'll get to enjoy the moment. Me and Caitlin went to the Dover recently. She had the Dover Burger, I had steak and veg. It was nice. I looked at the burger, I thought, you know what, I would love to smash that right now. But as I left, I just thought, you know what, that steak was quite nice. And you move on. But that fear of missing out, oh my god, that dessert, oh my god, it would, it would just make me feel so what? Whoa. What what what will it do? It's a fucking crunchy cheesecake that fucking Susan from down the road made. What's it really gonna do? Oh my god, it's gonna be oh no, no, no, no, no. It's gonna make you feel sick, give you the shits, and wake up next day feeling bad about it. Don't over like dream about food and make it out to be something that's not. It's like, yes, if you're going to a fucking three Michelin star restaurant, even then I probably eat the food of the you know what? That's fucking good. You know, we're most of us are British, you know what we're like, we're miserable bastards. Like it's you never really, you know, it's it you're not missing out much. So don't build it into something, don't build that drink into something. Because most of the time we have it, it's like it was just the fucking April spirits, it was just another one. You've had plenty of them through your life, and there'll be plenty more to come, I promise y'all. But right now, when you do get the body, when you do fucking feel great in your body, there won't be one meal where you'd have regretted missing. Uh you just wouldn't ask anyone who's in the call, anyone on this call that's at their at their goal, have you ever regretted like missing a meal? They'll go, nah. No way. I feel banging. I feel great. Why would I regret it? Like, no, they're done. The ones that you're getting like crazy results, the people that are like, you know, the people that we look like at social media, like you see these bodies, you see these people, and you go, Oh my god, I dream to have their bodies. I promise you right now, in social situations, they own it. They go in them situations and they act as if they what they want to do. Successful people, they act what they want to do. Like you have to separate yourself from the crowds, you know, it or follow the crowds and just be with who you are. And just and like I said, like stick to honor the decision. Honor the decision. But what we can't do is be upset or disappointed with our bodies, yet we don't want to make small sacrifices. Every opportunity there is to have a little bit more food, we have it because it feels like we're missing out. We want this life over here, but we want this body over here, and it just can't work because it's like we've got to choose one. And remember, once you do have you have lost the weight, you feel great in your body, you feel healthy, like you know, you can still go and get a beer, you can still go get some wine, you can still enjoy yourself. It's still available. The shops don't shut. Do you know what I mean? So if you want that, you've got to be relentless, like in life, business, whatever, you've got to be that person. Like some of you will have like a boss or like someone that's wearable of you that you go meet them for a drink and you'll see how they act. Now they'll be like, no, I don't mind that. I love that. I love that I want that. Because they've just that's they just got to that point because they make decisions for themselves.

Closing Thoughts And Questions Next

SPEAKER_00 29:39

Um, I'm gonna end it there, but I answer the questions after we've stopped recording.