Supernaut
Supernaut is a podcast about spirituality, sobriety, and the spectrum of self. Hosted by Beth Kelling, this show explores what it means to seek clarity, connection, and personal truth in a world that rarely slows down.
Since beginning her sobriety journey in 2020, Beth has been diving deeper into spiritual practices, emotional honesty, and all the beautiful, messy layers of identity.
Each episode opens the door to conversations about healing, growth, creativity, intuition, and everything in between — because who we are isn’t fixed, it’s a spectrum.
Beth will be joined by guests who share their own stories, perspectives, and spiritual paths — offering insight, inspiration, and the occasional cosmic detour.
Whether you’re sober-curious, spiritually inclined, or just looking to feel a little more human, you’re in the right place
Supernaut
Side-by-Side to Sobriety with Mike Karnik
What does it take to finally break free from addiction's grip? For Mike Karnick, it was watching his children's faces after a blackout episode that changed everything. After years of heavy drinking that followed family patterns of alcoholism, Mike made a decision that stuck: "I'm done."
Mike's story begins with a birthday celebration gone wrong—a side-by-side ride where his brain simply "stopped recording." He shares the raw, uncomfortable moment of waking up to learn he'd gotten into a heated argument with his son. Unlike previous attempts at sobriety made to please others, this time Mike chose sobriety for himself.
The journey wasn't without challenges. Just two days in, Mike found himself at a restaurant where the bartender automatically offered his usual drink. Social situations proved difficult, especially during summer activities where drinking had always been central to his experience. But Mike developed a powerful strategy—instead of announcing long-term sobriety, he would simply say, "I'm not drinking today." This approach helped him navigate social pressure while maintaining his commitment one day at a time.
Perhaps the most profound transformation came in Mike's family relationships. Six months into sobriety, his daughter told him, "I really like this version of dad, don't go back to the old version." He discovered that his drinking had pushed his family to isolate themselves—his wife retreating to their bedroom, his children hiding downstairs. Now, they spend quality time together, and he's even started a custom hat business with his son.
Beyond emotional benefits, Mike tracked his savings over two years of sobriety: approximately $15,000 just on cases of beer. This financial freedom allowed for family investments, but more valuable was waking up each morning without regret, remembering everything from the night before.
Whether you're struggling with addiction yourself or supporting someone who is, Mike's story offers hope and practical wisdom. As he says, "Don't give up. The easy way out is giving up." His journey shows that recovery isn't just about what we sacrifice, but what we gain when we choose to be present for our lives and the people we love.
Mike and his son’s Custom leather patch hat and Laser engraving company is called True North Designs.
0:00 Introduction to Supernaught
1:29 The Last Blackout: Rock Bottom
7:12 Taking It One Day at a Time
12:41 Rebuilding Family Relationships
18:07 Navigating Sobriety in Social Settings
25:32 Finding New Purpose in Sobriety
31:58 Dealing with Family Tragedy Sober
37:42 Two Years Later: Reflections and Pride
This is Supernaught. My name is Beth Kelling and I'm going to talk about spirituality, sobriety and the spectrum of self. I've loved talking about spirituality for as long as I can remember and I've been on a sobriety journey since 2020. The more I talk about sobriety, the stronger I become. The more I explore spirituality, the more fulfilled I feel. This is a space for stories and for the moments where struggle meets transformation. This is Supernaught. Mike Karnick, thank you for being here.
Speaker 2:My pleasure. Thank you for asking.
Speaker 1:I asked you to pick a song for us to listen to before we started. What song did you pick?
Speaker 2:I picked the outfield your Love. That's just been my go-to song to get into a feel-good mood. Do you remember the first time you ever heard it, one of the first times that it actually resonated in me? A buddy of mine, his former brother-in-law, was a singer in a band and that was kind of their end of the night. Last song. It was actually a gentleman.
Speaker 2:I was texting about the wiring issue, so he would do sound for him, I'd be at the bar with him, and that was the closing one. So it's kind of just a party song that we kind of got used to and enjoyed.
Speaker 1:Awesome. So you and I don't know each other super well. When I bartended you would come in on Thursday nights Must have been after golf league. You would come in and get a beer or two, but that's about the extent that we know each other. But I asked you to come on because I recently saw that you just made it two years no alcohol.
Speaker 2:I did April 9th.
Speaker 1:So two's start from the beginning. What started this journey?
Speaker 2:Uh, my alcoholism runs in my family. Um, my dad just recently admitted to being an alcoholic. My mother was not. Maybe she still is. I guess I don't, at 44, I'm not monitoring what they're doing as much anymore. My brother just recently got released from prison for the ninth time for drinking and drugs. So it ran heavy in my family and I've always thought, oh, I can control it, it's not an issue. I'd tell my wife oh, I'm done drinking, I'm going to quit, and I'd last a little bit and I'd be back in it. Tell my wife oh, I'm done drinking, I'm going to quit, and I'd last a little bit and I'd be back in it.
Speaker 2:April 8th of 23, we did a side-by-side ride for my birthday and I made it from my house to Knife to, yeah, knife Lake. We were up to the crow's nest and I got so blacked out drunk in a two-mile ride that I don't remember anything. I got home, my son and I got into a huge fight arguing. I woke up the next morning and said I'm done, it's not worth it. My kids are older, they see it, they understand what's going on. I know it's an issue in my family. So I told my wife. I said I'm done. She kind of laughed and said yep, I've heard this story a thousand times and haven't touched it since.
Speaker 1:Wow, so how long from you when you started drinking to, you blacked out that's that specific day, an hour, hour and a half maybe.
Speaker 2:Yeah, isn't that? Wild you know I go back to that day. My wife and I've talked about it a lot. I had a Bloody Mary at my house in the morning. When everybody got there I had one beer driving up to the crow's nest.
Speaker 1:I had one beer and a shot at the crow's nest and don't remember anything after that yeah, and I heard it explained on Rogan that your brain just stops recording once, like it sees this mixture of alcohol happening and the speed that you're drinking at is just like yeah, we're done, there's nothing new that's going to happen here. We're just going to stop recording.
Speaker 2:It's wild. It was a crazy feeling because when I woke up the next morning I had thought we had gone 100 miles on the side by side drinking and having a good time, and Katie's like. We made it to the crow's nest and turned around and you got into a huge fight and kids and I are done. We're either you're done or we're done. And I was like whoa, it was that bad. And you know Blake wouldn't look at me. My daughter was in tears and I was like so, trying to replay. You know everybody had come back to our house because they had seen we left and they could hear Blake and I yelling at each other in the house and they were all worried, like what the hell's going on, and it was just a feeling that I never wanted to feel again. I was like I don't. What's the enjoyment in it? You know, the trade-off of a night of being drunk to what that was wasn't worth it. So yeah.
Speaker 1:And so you wake up in the morning you're like I'm done. How many days, weeks, months, until you started questioning again? Do I really want to do this?
Speaker 2:Two days, you know, I didn't realize I was bad, as as bad as I was. I'd get home from work, katie would go into our room watch TV, the kids would go down to their room so I'd drink beer. I'd sit there and drink a case of beer a night. We'd have dinner and I'd put vodka in my water so that they wouldn't realize I was drinking. Yeah, so then I quit that day. The next day I was like all like, alright, I can handle this, it's one day. Well, then the next day I was like, what are we going to do? Should we go get dinner? And we go to the crystal? And uh, gabe was working and he's like bush light and I just froze. I was like, uh, no water. And he just was kind of took back, because every time I go in there was the same thing, day in and day out. And uh, so yeah, it was 48 hours. I was wanting to drink again.
Speaker 1:But what do you think was different this time?
Speaker 2:um, the biggest thing is is I wanted to do it for me this time. Every other time that I've said it was just trying to not fight with Katie anymore, trying to. You know there was a legal issue that I went through about 10 years ago. It's like okay, you have to stop now. For a year, you know, other than the one time since I've been 21, I never got in trouble. I did a lot of questionable things and never got a DUI and never got any tickets. You know I got into one bar fight but there was always something that was just like nope, you're safe, go home, you're fine. But then I'd get up and do it again.
Speaker 2:And it got worse and worse and worse. Like I said, nights driving home that I don't remember. Coming home from St Cloud, see a taillights turn off on a dirt road, because I knew I was drunk, been drinking all day, um. So this time I was, it was for me, I was like I'm. I think I've had, like you just said, sometimes your body just says I'm done, it's the same thing, shut it off.
Speaker 1:And that's what I did so two days after was hard then. What was it like after that?
Speaker 2:so that following Monday I went back to work, there was a gentleman at work that I didn't know. He was a recovering alcoholic of I think he had six years sobriety at that point, but he had come in and he's early with me every morning so he'd we'd always talk about what did you do this weekend. And you know, I always tell him I was all drinking blah, blah and he never said anything, never pushed anything. This time he come in and he goes how was your weekend? I said miserable. He goes what do you mean? I go, I quit drinking.
Speaker 2:So I was, you know, pissed off all weekend, sorry, upset all weekend. I was, you know, and he kind of took a step back, walked away. Let me, let me be. Later that day he came back and he's like, hands me it was not a business card but kind of like a post-it note and it was a number and I was like who's this? He's like it's my uncle, give him a call. I said okay, so I call the number and I kind of figured I knew where this was going and it was a guy that runs AA meetings and he's like hey, why don't you come down and talk with me? So I started doing Wednesday night AA meetings. So that lasted for about a year yeah, about the first year. And then when I switched jobs and I wasn't in St Cloud, it's like tough to get to a Wednesday night meeting in St Cloud if I'm ending my day in Cannon Falls, minnesota.
Speaker 1:But you got what you needed out of it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I definitely did. There's still some online ones that I'll go to on weeks that I'm still struggling. Hop into one and come back out or talk to my kids and wife about it.
Speaker 1:So when is it the hardest? When you're with friends or stressed out? Does something trigger?
Speaker 2:I would say the hardest is summertime, nice, out, golfing out on the lake. You know where it's just like why can whoever have one beer? And be fine, because I know I can't, because if I would ever have one beer it's going to lead to 30, and so that's when I get stressed out, like why can't I just have one, why can't I enjoy one?
Speaker 1:you know we're out golfing, these guys are ordering drinks and I'm getting a Gatorade or a Diet Coke yeah, so it's like that victim mentality you can, I can definitely spiral into that Like, and then usually I just convince myself, or I did convince myself, well, I can, I'll just be stronger this time, um, but I always tell myself not today.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so be on the golf course. I'm like, I'm just not going to drink today and I tricked myself to think that, well, if this was tomorrow, maybe I would try it again.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But I'm always like, no, just not today. So when people that don't didn't know I was sober and they would be like, oh, I'll get the first one, no, I'm just not going to drink today. And then it was never pressured. What do you mean? You're not drinking? Why would you quit? What are you quitting for? I'd never had that Cause. I just told them I'm not drinking today and they never, it never caught on that every time we got together I was not drinking that day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, every time I said I'm not drinking today, they said oh, you're pregnant. Yeah Well. I don't have that problem, but yeah, yeah, yeah, so that's what helped me through it, I guess was that something you learned at AA, because I think I've heard that, yeah, yeah before, just one day at a time.
Speaker 2:Yep, so, um, not my sponsor, whatever he would call him, but it was his other nephew, chad. He was the one that just he could tell one day I was struggling and I was in there. It was a Wednesday night and he's just like you're having a hard time today and I remember if it was around my birthday again or what, I don't't remember the exact date and he's the one that said hey, when you go out tonight to dinner with whoever you're going with, just tell everyone you're not drinking tonight. Just take it tonight. And then tomorrow tell yourself again I'm not drinking. That's what stuck. So, yeah, I was at AA.
Speaker 1:What's the best thing that's came out of this two years?
Speaker 2:The relationship with my kids. One of the biggest things that I had to swallow was my own pride, thinking that I wasn't the issue. Alcoholics Anonymous will teach you that look at yourself. Like there's a reason I was drinking so heavily every night. But when I quit they realized I was serious and I was taking it serious. Well then, all of a sudden they started hanging out more. They weren't going into their rooms. We were doing more things as a family. We were you know. Just the joy in them again and having my daughter tell me hey, I really like this version of dad, like don't go back to the old version.
Speaker 1:How long in before she said that?
Speaker 2:Probably about six months.
Speaker 1:That's when they started to realize this is for real.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because before you know I could shut it off and not drink for a couple weeks a month, you know. But then all of a sudden, oh, dad's having just a beer tonight. Dad had a rough day at work, dad's going golfing, you know, whatever it may be, but at about the six-month mark they were like wait, you're really not drinking. We had a family reunion in there, we had a couple other things that went on and I was like no.
Speaker 1:I'm good. What would you say to anyone that is going through that cycle of saying they're going to quit, quitting for a day or two?
Speaker 2:Don't give up. The easy way out is giving up. I mean, that's the only thing I keep saying to myself is it's it's easy to start drinking again. It's hard to stop. It truly is. Everywhere I go, I mean, everyone's drinking. That's just I'm. Kids are in sports, that we meet up before and after games at the bar, where you know families come over. It's bringing coolers of beer as we're outside by the center. But just don't give up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, when we couldn't get the electric to work for a minute, I'm like, okay, should we go to the bar for a?
Speaker 2:drink. Yeah right, that's just like the automatic thing to think.
Speaker 1:you know, until we can figure it out, you know, know, because I'm used to going to the bar now and having water, soda water, um, but it's. I just laughed, thinking, you know, like, oh, that'd be a silly thing today you know a hundred percent.
Speaker 2:Two years ago I'd have been like, well, let's just have a beer, let's hang out until this is. You know, now I'm drinking diet coke and laughing about it. You know, not Like we'll figure it out. It's something as easy as moving an electrical cord. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so was there times that you had to say no to things because you knew it would just be too hard to be in that situation.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there was definitely plenty of times. One that sticks out was a football game. All my close buddies were going to go to a Vikings game and it was probably around that eight-month, nine-month mark and let's go, let's go, we can all stay down in Inver Grove. My buddy lives right down by the TCO fields down there. It was OTAs, so it was right about this time two years ago and we used to go to the Vikings training camp, do the night practice and then hang out and just drink and well, come on, let's come down. And I was like not tonight, I've, you know, not this year. I got something going on and I don't know what we did. I think we ended up going up towards Brainerd and just getting a hotel room with the kids. But I had to avoid that situation because I knew I would have fell back into it Like I wasn't ready to be around those guys yet.
Speaker 1:And so that was eight, nine months in.
Speaker 2:How are you feeling now? I feel great now, waking up in the morning and not regretting anything. I did, said, acted, not asking Katie, my wife hey, was I an ass last night? Was I this last? I wake up every morning. I remember everything and don't regret anything. And Katie doesn't drink much. I mean, she'll have a couple of white claws here and there, but it's great knowing that I'll drive us like cause before we both would drink and then get behind the wheel of a car and again knock on wood. Nothing ever legally happened to us where now it's like you can go out and have a few and then I'll come get you, yeah. Or like the other night when we were at trivia, you can have two or three and I'm just going to drive us home when we're ready to go.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Best part about being sober when you're at the bar and you see the light switch flip on everybody else, I just walk away. All right, it's been fun. It's going to get to a crap show now, so yeah, and getting the bell isn't as bad anymore.
Speaker 1:No, it's a lot cheaper.
Speaker 2:No, that's the thing. Yeah, I bought a side-by-side. I'm sending my wife and kids to Europe. Like started looking at an app that I downloaded and I think in two years I've saved fifteen thousand dollars you know, so it's cool to look at it's yeah, it's eye-opening when and that's not including shots or anything that was just what I was spending on cases of beer on average.
Speaker 2:So you know, I opened that up, like on my two year. I opened it up and I was like, oh, I'm at whatever. It was thirteen thousand dollars. And you start reflecting back and it's like, well, I got a new side by side. We finished our basement, I've got all of this and none of that would have happened plus all the mornings of feeling good, oh yeah, now back then in that april, that that day that I woke up was one of the first times that I ever got hung over the next day and sick.
Speaker 1:You know, all the years that I was drunk I've thrown up at night and been sick, but never the next day, and I think that was just my body saying, hey, we're done so, yeah, and I love this story so much because that's what I'm most interested in is people who are able to stop their addictions before something illegal or horrible happens, before they hurt themselves or somebody, um, you know, and that's like what I want to get to is like, what is this thing that changed this time? So, was it? Do you think how much of it had to do with this coworker giving you this phone number?
Speaker 2:That probably more than I've I've thought of until today, cause I don't know, had I not called, had I not gone to those AA meetings, had I not at least opened up and reflect on what I was doing and what the real cause of why I was drinking so much? You know, there was a depression stage. There's stuff that went on back when I was a kid and growing up, and still dealing with some stuff today, but I didn't want to admit to any of it. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to bring it up it. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to bring it up. It was kind of that sore subject. Yep, just shove it away. So when you get home, your kids leave you, they go downstairs, the wife goes in the room because she doesn't want to be around it. Well, now I'm alone again. You're sitting there. What do you do?
Speaker 2:it's a cycle yeah, all the time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what it was yeah, so in other episodes I've talked about like what are you or what have people replaced it with. So do you think the AA?
Speaker 2:so at first, that's what it was um. I replaced it. Funny thing is I replaced alcohol with Oreo cookies at first and I mean it's the sugar that you miss.
Speaker 2:And yes, I blew up to just about 300 pounds and I was like, okay, this isn't working. So you know, cut out sugars and whatnot. But then AA replaced it. And then after that I was like, well, I got to find something. So I kind of dove more into work, took a leadership role at work. I was like, all right, let's deal with that. That lasted for about a year of it and then when I switched jobs a year ago or whatever, it was kind of had nothing, Just more hanging out with the family and whatnot. Until recently Blake and I started making hats at home, Cutting leather patches and doing hats.
Speaker 1:Oh, is that the True North Designs? I was looking on your Facebook today and I didn't know if that was you or somebody you were promoting.
Speaker 2:So my son and I started that and it's just something that come home, we go downstairs and we can make hats. I bought a laser so I can engrave anything.
Speaker 1:How did this start, all this creativity?
Speaker 2:I don't know how the creativity started. I'm a hat guy. I don't know how the creativity started. I'm a hat guy. I've got a ton of hats and there's a guy down in Cambridge that I was buying them for and they're, you know, 30, 40, 50 bucks a hat, depending on what you're getting. And Blake wants to go into business. He wants to start a business.
Speaker 1:And that's your son.
Speaker 2:Yep, and I was like, huh, why don't we just buy a laser and do this ourselves? Wow, so I started that I don't know three weeks ago now and I don't know. I think I'm sold upwards of $2,500 worth of stuff in three weeks.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, are you going to go on a chart tank Right?
Speaker 2:yeah, Sort of GoFundMe or yeah. No it's just something fun downstairs. Yeah, it keeps Blake and I talking. He's learning about how to order the right stuff and keep a balance sheet and profit and loss. How beautiful. He doesn't realize that it's not all money coming in all the time. There's a lot going out first.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but spending all this time with him creating a business?
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:He's learning so much Getting to use your creativity. I'm hoping he's learning so much getting to use your creativity.
Speaker 2:I'm hoping he's learning. I'm hoping he's learning, we'll see.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah, awesome. Um, so did you? Did this strain any of your relationships with your friends or your family, since your family is big drinkers?
Speaker 2:yes, uh, more so friends, and not not totally in a bad way, but you can definitely tell they stopped calling to hang out as much and I think, talking to a bunch of them it's. They stopped calling because they wanted to drink and they didn't want to feel like they were pressuring me to drink again. They kind of wanted to. When you're ready, you call us, type mentality is what I think came across. But that first year when, when you're used to being out every weekend and with the same group of friends every Friday and Saturday night, they're not calling anymore and oh, you see them on social media and they're at all these bars and are doing all the stuff that I used to do with them, and it's like I still want to do it, like I'm just not gonna drink yeah, so it was like they weren't calling because they were trying to protect you.
Speaker 1:But were you calling them or did you got insecure and you're like yeah?
Speaker 2:yeah, again, you. You reflect back to what wasn't I doing. I never reached out to them, yeah, and said, hey, I'll come hang out, let's go do this again. You know, I just thought they didn't want to be around me because I wasn't drinking.
Speaker 1:Like I'm not as fun.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And yeah, for sure. So now has that changed and you're reaching out to people again?
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're going back, doing the guys here and all going to Cavs Depot afterwards and I still go, still hang out.
Speaker 1:Did you guys just go to Vegas?
Speaker 2:We did.
Speaker 2:The end of March we went to Vegas and Lake Havasu for my good friend Justin's 50th. I was the only sober one there, so mixed feelings on it a little bit. I mean, I had a great time. It was it was a great time. But that's one of those times where why can't I just enjoy a few? I'm on vacation, you know what? What's what's one or two while I'm on vacation. But I have a good buddy of mine that lives out there. He's a realtor. He didn't really drink much, took us out on a boat so I had somebody there that was somewhat sober and then eight other people that weren't. But all in all, I mean I was able to get in my car and go do whatever I wanted if they were going to go sit at a bar drink.
Speaker 1:Yeah, was there any moments where you were close to like just saying screw it?
Speaker 2:No, they had, and that's where I found that McUltra has a 0%, Like just saying screw it. No, they had, and that's where I found that McUltra has a 0%. So I bought whatever it was a 12-pack there and I think I left 10 out of the 12. But the one day I was like maybe I can have one, Katie's like try one of those Ultra Zeros. So I tried one and I was like, oh, and it just curbed that want, I had two. We were playing beanbags in the backyard of our VRBO and then I went back to Diet Coke.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:It was fine.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the non-alcoholic wines can just help make me feel like fancy or like like I'm not left out of this, like romantic life that I always thought you know I would grow old in. So, yeah, I'm appreciative that there's so many more of those things coming out and just soda waters Like I am glad that I because I didn't like soda water and then when I was golfing I was really into the White Claws a few years ago and now I like soda water and flavored soda water, so that just helps me not feel so left out too.
Speaker 2:Liquid death was my savior. The first year that I, the first year, I did a side-by-side ride up in Crane Lake and it's a huge ATV drinking whatever, and I brought a case of that. Well, people didn't realize it was just water Because it's in a cool looking can and they thought it was a seltzer yeah, so nobody.
Speaker 2:Then again nobody asked are you not drinking? They were just like, oh, what is this liquid death you're drinking? I was like, oh, it's just a new drink, you know, yeah, and played the whole weekend off and it wasn't until the last day and someone looked at it and goes this is just water yeah, it is because people can't help it.
Speaker 1:They just feel kind of uncomfortable.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a change to them, and I was always the wife of the party. I was that magnet. So then, when you're not drunk and you're not acting crazy and you're just there to have a good time, but be mellow and normal.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I had a friend's mom come up to me at a get-together. It was like Fourth of July weekend weekend or something she's like. I went a month without drinking one time and I judged everybody around. So I know you're judging us and I'm like, literally I'm not, I just I don't want to be stuck at home by myself and I'm having fun like I've learned to have fun, just as much fun.
Speaker 2:I I've come to find out. There's a lot of insecurities that they have and they, you know, in my friend group. You know you used to drink, you used to be fun, why don't you? And it's like are you not having fun? Well, yeah. Well then, what does it matter like if I'm, if I'm stumbling drunk or 100% sore? What does it matter if you're still having a good time?
Speaker 1:yeah, you know yeah, it would be interesting to go more into depth with those people and like why does it make you feel uncomfortable? I mean, I guess I get it because I used to judge people when they would come to the bar and have one drink an hour. I'm like, who are you?
Speaker 2:I could never even hang out with you like I'd be like three shots in by now.
Speaker 1:But I don't know, it's just, it's wild. You just want people on the same plane as you, I guess on the same level. So it makes sense.
Speaker 2:And maybe they do think that I'm judging them and that's why they don't, you know.
Speaker 1:But like 0% judgment.
Speaker 2:I was there.
Speaker 1:And I wish I was back there. A lot of times, you know, I wish I could be a person that didn't have a problem with it Right. Unfortunately I do, and that doesn't mean I want to be secluded.
Speaker 2:No, nobody does I still love my friends yeah it's a different enjoyment for me now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so was there a moment you realized you weren't just not drinking, but you were becoming somebody new. Hmm, never thought of that. If I had to go back to one, it would be when I finally told my dad I was sober Because I hadn't talked to him. I don't talk to him much now. And we met up one day and he had asked how things were going and first thing my stepmom did was offer me a beer. You want a beer? There's a beer in the fridge. I said no, I'm good. And we talked for about 10 minutes and sure, you don't want a beer, you can have beer, we've got beer. I said no, I'm, I've been sober for a year. And they both just kind of took a step back Like Whoa, you're, you're sober. I said yep, and then my dad's like hey, I'm super proud of you, like that's a big step, and he's never said that Did you expect him to say that?
Speaker 1:No, not at all. I expected him.
Speaker 2:I expected the opposite, like, oh well, you'll be back. You've always come back, you know, because that's the relationship we've had and that type of comments have been made before.
Speaker 1:Like, okay, you've said this before, but you'll start drinking again, and this time he's just like super proud of you, like what your energy and frequency must have been so different, and his too, to be able to accept that. When you went over there, were you planning to tell him or it just got brought up?
Speaker 2:it just got brought up like, the first year I didn't feel I needed to bring it up to anyone, and part of that was I didn't want to bring it up in case I fell back, you know, in case I couldn't fight the urge. And all of a sudden I'm telling these people yeah, I'm sober, I'm sober, I'm sober. And all of a sudden you see me and I'm drinking again. It's like I thought you said you were sober, so I wanted to wait a year before I brought it up to anyone else. So even in the AA meetings they're like are you telling anybody you're going? I'm like no, not yet. I'm just not ready for that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, was the second year easier than the first?
Speaker 2:Yeah, there was one time last hockey season, so not this past year. The year prior was Katie's coworker, jenny had a birthday party and Jake got. I I think 27 of us together. We went to a wild game and we're all down there, we're all at the seventh avenue truck stop beforehand. They're all drinking, having a good time I'm the only sober one get into the game. They're all drinking, I'm the only sober one. And my wife handed me her white clock quick and she's like I'm gonna go to the bathroom and ironically, everyone got up to go get drinks and there I sat by myself with a full white claw. I was like I could drink this and nobody would know. And just out of the blue there was some high school kids behind me. Hey, how are you guys? Why are you guys all here? There's a whole group. And they just started talking to me out of nowhere and I was like, oh. So I chit chatted with them and the dad and next thing I knew, my wife came back, grabbed it.
Speaker 1:I bet they weren't even real. I bet they were angels.
Speaker 2:They might not have been it your honor. Like I couldn't picture him to this day if I wanted to, but it was. It was truly just somebody out of the blue when I was about to take a drink, or wanting to take a drink. Hey, what are you?
Speaker 1:guys doing.
Speaker 2:There's a lot of you 16 year old kid.
Speaker 1:I was like thanks yeah, yeah, I know, we said before we started recording. You know, never a good idea to bring up politics or religion, but um has your belief system changed at all?
Speaker 2:yeah, um, I was never big into religion. My, my parents never were. I mean, I got my first communion and went to catechism, all that, but never really went to church. It wasn't until my wife my wife's very, her family's pretty religious. You know, both kids have to be confirmed and my wife and daughter go to church three Sundays out of every month.
Speaker 2:Like you know, it is a thing as an alcoholic, I thought the world was against me. Anytime something went wrong. I was like, why me? Why me? I get sober and I start realizing it's. It's not why why you, it's it's. What are you not doing? What could you change? So then it wasn't until just recently, back in April, may or no, march I decided I got to pick something else up. This is right before we started True North Engraving. So I, I'm going to read books. I'm going to start reading. Never read a book since high school, not a cover to cover book. I think I'm on seven books right now and it's all you know individual growth and other things. But you start realizing that there is something more, there is meaning to afterwards. So, yeah, my spirituality has grown more in the last two and a half months than it did at all during the first two years wow, wow.
Speaker 1:So that's awesome. Maybe it was some guiding light guiding you the whole time to get to this place.
Speaker 2:Something.
Speaker 1:Like I said, I never wasn't a reader, so until now, Is there any part?
Speaker 2:of your old life that you grieve still? Yeah, yeah, there was. What was it? 2000,? I think it's been four years now.
Speaker 2:July 4th four years ago, five years ago, um, my dad had called me and I was at. It was the second, it wasn't the fourth, it was the second. And uh, my cousin was murdered by her husband in front of her kids. So we all went out to Denver for the funeral. And just the story behind it.
Speaker 2:They got into an argument. He accused her of cheating, she accused him of cheating. They were both drunk. He was high on meth, shot her in the face twice in front of their kids, put her in the garbage twice in front of their kids, put her in the garbage can and left her. And my aunt and uncle came asking about her. Nope, he had threatened the kids.
Speaker 2:Finally I believe it was the boy went home and told my uncle my mom's not okay, something's wrong. So then they got the cops involved and this was like July 3rd or 4th. They went over there and one of the cops was snooping around in the garage while the other one was talking to my cousin's husband and he'd looked in the garbage and seen my cousin in there. So he smartly removed my uncle from the situation, brought him back out to the car and said well, maybe Keith will talk to us if you're not here and tell us where she's at. So as soon as they removed my uncle, they arrested him and that's where they found her.
Speaker 2:It's been tough because then I see her brother, my other cousin, struggle. He's now gone through a divorce. Their kids still aren't okay with this. And then just two months ago he's now trying. He's got life without parole and now he's trying to get it overturned over a loophole that the cops didn't read the Miranda rights correctly or something like that. So dealing with that again, you know, and uncle came back a couple weeks ago and it's all fresh in his mind again. So over there and they're all drinking and he's a hot mess.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, that's tough.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's got to be triggering.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, it was one of those times where, had I not been able to leave, I might have faltered, but he started getting extremely emotional and it's okay and when did this happen? I want to say it was. She was murdered probably four years ago. Okay, 2021, it was right around, was it? Yeah, right around COVID time. So I think when we were out there, everything was pretty much shut down.
Speaker 1:Did you know him before? He was on drugs and drinking.
Speaker 2:No, they came back once a year, but he never came back.
Speaker 1:Oh, so you had never met him, so I had met him at the wedding.
Speaker 2:I met him when we've gone out there. So twice, three, three, three times maybe I've met him. Um, maybe a little more, because I guess their kids were 10 or 11 years old at the time. So half a dozen times maybe. But being they lived in Denver, we were here, it wasn't that got to know the guy very well so that's super tough.
Speaker 1:I I'm sure everybody listening will send those kids some love.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they need it. It's a struggle, you know you see them now and they put on a really good mask. They don't want you to see they're struggling. But you turn around and all of a sudden they're not at the barbecue, they're inside the house. Just the two of them. You know they're fighting something.
Speaker 1:Yeah, tough. Do you let yourself feel proud about your two years of Hall Free?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I do. I've said it a hundred times before I'm done drinking and I've fallen back. So my first year was a pretty big deal. Katie made it a big deal, you know, bought me gifts and kind of just a family thing, but it was like you, you made it this far. Then, when I hit two years, I finally started believing in myself, like you're seriously doing this. You know, this is this is true. So, yeah, definitely proud of myself.
Speaker 1:Okay, so that's awesome. Um, so my last two questions I like to ask um, what is something that you do right now that you hope your grandkids do when they're your age?
Speaker 2:Um, just to go for it. You know when, when Blake and I decided to start this True North Engraving, we've always thought of doing something, like Katie and I want to start doing rental houses, but you never just do it. So one night I sat there and I was like I'm going to buy a laser Crawled into bed and I told Katie I said I just started a business. We bought a laser. It'll be here in a week. She's like okay, but to do it and don't be afraid Like we may fail, this may go nowhere or it could be something. And I'd rather know that we tried and failed than not at all.
Speaker 1:So, and I think it's just one step at a time, like actually buying the engra, engrave the laser or buy, like picking out a website name or something like that, because it's like sometimes when I'm too exhausted to do laundry and it's like, okay, well, you don't have to do all the laundry, just take it out just start one and and put it in its space and then, by the time I start, then I feel like doing the rest of it.
Speaker 1:But it's always just a first step and when it's big, scary things like starting a business, you know, I mean I think writing out the goals or just just going for it, just doing one thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was yeah it came real when I, when I did the LLC and like all the legal paperwork stuff because you could buy a laser and say I got a laser, but.
Speaker 1:But I was like, no, we're going full-fledged, let's do it yeah awesome and what is something that you would like to kick, something that you hope your grandkids, when they're your age, aren't doing Gambling, because that was one of the vices that I fell into was pull tabs. When you were still drinking, or now that you're not.
Speaker 2:I mean, even when I was, I played them, but afterwards you'd get into it and it's. I justified it. Well, I'm not buying booze so I can put that money into pull tabs and yeah, next thing. You know you're sitting there at the bar and you're $400 into a pull tab box and well, I could have gotten drunk for cheaper than $400. I'll tell you that. So you know, recently I've I've stopped pull tabs. I guess is a thing if it's a thing, but totally is yeah yeah, I would say gambling.
Speaker 2:It was just another vice that I had. So and, but you've stopped now and yeah, I mean I I the night of trivia, brianna and I did $20 and even after that I looked at kid go. It wasn't even fun, I didn't enjoy it Starts feeling icky.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was like okay.
Speaker 2:I would have rather spent $20 on more hats to engrave than put it in that pull tab box.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but now being alcohol free and you're able to listen to your intuition yeah. Otherwise, just imagine if you're having drinks and you wouldn't be able to hear that voice in your head saying like this doesn't feel good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would have kept going.
Speaker 1:Yeah, awesome. Is there anything else you'd like to share?
Speaker 2:No, this was great.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it really was. Thank you for opening up.
Speaker 2:so much, you've got a great setup. This has been fun, yeah.
Speaker 1:Awesome, so thanks for having me. Addiction is affecting so many people that I know and love and I'm not always sure what to do about it, but talking helps. I want to hear your struggles and your triumphs. If you want to come on the show, please find the link below to our website to start the conversation of being a guest or to give me feedback and ideas of what you want to hear on topics of spirituality, sobriety and the self. I am nowhere near a professional. If you or someone you know needs help now, please call the SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357. It's free, confidential and available 24-7.