Supernaut
Supernaut is a podcast about spirituality, sobriety, and the spectrum of self. Hosted by Beth Kelling, this show explores what it means to seek clarity, connection, and personal truth in a world that rarely slows down.
Since beginning her sobriety journey in 2020, Beth has been diving deeper into spiritual practices, emotional honesty, and all the beautiful, messy layers of identity.
Each episode opens the door to conversations about healing, growth, creativity, intuition, and everything in between — because who we are isn’t fixed, it’s a spectrum.
Beth will be joined by guests who share their own stories, perspectives, and spiritual paths — offering insight, inspiration, and the occasional cosmic detour.
Whether you’re sober-curious, spiritually inclined, or just looking to feel a little more human, you’re in the right place
Supernaut
Snakes, Time Wasted & Lessons Learned
What happens when 17 years of your life suddenly feels like wasted time? Shannon's raw, unfiltered story of navigating divorce trauma reveals profound truths about healing, identity, and reclaiming personal power.
Shannon begins by sharing how a song became her anthem during the darkest period of her life, capturing the rage and grief of realizing her all-in commitment to marriage resulted in emotional devastation. But rather than a story of victimhood, her journey unfolds as a powerful reclamation of self through unexpected means - from yoga practice to working with society's most marginalized people at a treatment center.
The conversation takes fascinating turns as Shannon unpacks "The Girl and the Snake" parable, a metaphor for ignoring relationship red flags, and challenges conventional wisdom about forgiveness. "I don't have to forgive myself for anything," she asserts. "I lived through something. I did the best I could." This revolutionary perspective offers listeners permission to honor their experiences without the pressure to forgive when they're not ready.
Perhaps most compelling is Shannon's exploration of masculine and feminine energy imbalance in modern relationships. As someone described by friends as simultaneously "compassionate," "strong," and "magnetic," she articulates the paradox many women face: "I don't want to be strong, I want to be cared for, I want to be supported. I feel like if I just had that support, I could create so much." Her vulnerability reveals how societal expectations force women to operate from their masculine energy at the expense of their creative, nurturing capabilities.
Whether you're healing from relationship trauma, questioning societal expectations about forgiveness, or seeking to understand the delicate balance between strength and vulnerability, this episode offers wisdom that resonates far beyond divorce recovery. Shannon's journey reminds us that sometimes our deepest wounds become our greatest teachers - if we're brave enough to honor our truth.
0:00 Introduction and Song Selection
5:20 Yoga Journey and Spiritual Practice
11:12 Unconditional Love and Treatment Work
19:43 Grief and Healing Isn't Linear
33:17 The Girl and the Snake Story
45:31 Working with the Marginalized
56:42 Masculine and Feminine Energy Balance
1:05:28 Words That Define Shannon
Welcome to Supernot, where we explore the inner and outer worlds of self. Today I have on Shannon, and she is not my sister. We're not related at all, actually, even though people get us mixed up all the time ask us if we're sisters all the time. Every time we talk feels like it could be a podcast because we get so deep. This is very true, so I asked you to pick a song for us to listen to before we started. What song did you pick and why?
Speaker 2:Um, I picked Ify uh by Camp um because it has been the anthem of my life for the last year. Um, I went through a horrible divorce and um, the the song talking about you've stolen and wasted all my time is directed at my ex and while I was going through the worst part of my life, that just kept rolling through my head way before I even knew the song, years and years and years ago. I'm an INFJ and I don't. It takes me a lot to get mad, you know. Shut up Beta. It takes me a lot to get mad. My children know I get more mad about. How do I say this? Like I don't get mad about what you did, I get mad that you like wasted my time, you know, depending on what's happening. And actually I'm going to shout out to Heidi Deutschlander Actually, when she had little kids, when Michaela and Mitchell were little, she brought that to my attention where she was just like, don't waste my time. Like it's okay to be naughty or have feelings or emotions or whatever, but our time is precious. Like, what are you doing? And I could probably explain this better some other time, and I could probably explain this better some other time.
Speaker 2:But my big thing with my marriage was that I put so much into it. I put my soul into that relationship and he demolished me, demolished me. I mean like truly Um and poof, 17 years was wasted because it meant nothing. I mean it. You know it was a waste of time. He wasted my time. You know having babies and raising kids and you know just doing the day after day after day, the mundane stuff, the laundry, the you know the things that you don't get credit for. He was going to work and getting paid to do a job and doing it well, and I was milking, you know, like having babies, and you know doing all the things and it's they call it like the invisible labor that women do, and and then, at the end, the demise of the marriage because of who he is. He said you did nothing. You did nothing all those years.
Speaker 2:You did nothing and you know my retort in that is well, you wasted my time because I put everything into it to my job and crying and screaming and wallowing and just falling apart all last year, last summer, you know this fall and or last fall and winter, and so it was sort of an anthem on the benefit part is like I haven't listened to it in quite a while. So when you ask the song of like what the theme would be for me, that that was it and I hadn't heard it in a while. So when you asked the song of like what the theme would be for me, that that was it and I hadn't heard it in a while. So, um, it felt good to kind of revisit that and have some separation, some space, like throughout the summer.
Speaker 2:You know from like, maybe last spring was the last time that I was really like you know how your um Spotify account, or whatever you listen to, is like. You know, you listen to certain songs and you add them and then you kind of forget the ones that you had been listening to, and that was one of them. So, but yeah, that's the theme is that he wasted my time.
Speaker 1:Did it feel any different listening to it this time after there was some space?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it evoked a lot of emotion. Just listening in the very beginning just brought tears to my eyes of um, that woman that I was six, nine months ago. You know, I mean, we're evolving all the time. We're not the same person that we were yesterday, you know, Um. So, yeah, it brought up some stuff for sure.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, let's go a little lighter, quick before we get into deeper stuff. So, um, you are many things. One of those is a yoga instructor. Uh, we've talked about running a lot on the podcast, so just wanted to talk about yoga too, and how good of a instructor you are. Every single week, I just you get me so calm, like when you when I was coming. Um, it's been a while, and the thing I love about yoga is that when I'm stretching, I can honestly feel the toxins releasing from my body, if I like think about it in that way, and I just get so much healthier. Um, so you've been into yoga a long time and, like, when you got into it, I feel like is where it was still a little, um, not mainstream, and like I mean, I remember, like my mom's friends, um, from church maybe, kind of thought there was some evilness to it. So why did you get into it? Was there any like shame or guilt from anybody around you, like that this was something that you shouldn't do?
Speaker 2:No, Um, actually, uh, before I met my now ex um, I was living down in the cities and the landlord, um that I, I lived at this house in Northeast Minneapolis and the landlord, this woman, brought me to my first yoga class at a YMCA. And I remember being terrified because I was like I have no idea what I'm doing. And it was so cool. What I loved about it was it was so cool, like what I, what I loved about it was and I hear people say this all the time like I'm not good at yoga or I'm not, I can't stretch or whatever.
Speaker 2:And I laugh because I remember that first class where the very beginning like doing chaturangas, you know, and sun salutations, um, so you go through this sort of cycle and by the end of the class I had changed. From the beginning of the class to the end of the class, I was like, oh, my God, I've changed, I can do this better than I could, and that's how I love to teach too. Remember, you guys, this is your first downward dog. And then, by the end of class, your last one. Everyone's like, oh, okay, I can do this, cause I've done like 12 of them already, you know. Um, so that was where I started.
Speaker 1:And so it was like no turning back.
Speaker 2:You're like this is no, and it was this was 2007, six, seven, something like that, and then I I didn't really get. I went a few times and then, um, I ended up getting a job at a core power yoga, and that was sort of what then really hooked me in.
Speaker 1:And then to Thailand to learn.
Speaker 2:Nope, thailand was in 2008. That was Thai yoga massage. Different. Oh, that was like a. I was a practitioner, yeah, it was super cool, amazing. Yeah, then I just got into it. But no, to answer your question, no one has ever said anything about it.
Speaker 1:I mean, I hadn't probably heard anything in like 15 years, but I did see a TikTok, like a few months ago, of this lady saying like God told me that yoga was evil and you know, I was a yoga instructor and now you know and like then I saw all these verses from the Bible that said like why it's evil and here's some proof, and here's some proof, and I mean I couldn't even pay attention because I'm like it's stretching. It's stretching Like what?
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, you know, what's really funny about that is when I was a little kid little at the old house, I would sit in my room and just stretch in so many different crazy like I was a twig. I was 11 years old and a skinny little twig and so I was doing like upside down stuff and like crazy stuff. And I remember my dad walked in, where you know parents they're just like knock on the door, open up the door and my dad's like you look like a pretzel, like what are you doing, you know? And I was just like I don't know, you know, like just being upside down or doing crazy stuff. It wasn't until I was an adult that I looked back and was like holy, I was doing that out of like just nature, like natural, you know, like it wasn't. Nobody taught me, nobody said hey, go, do you know a tripod headstand, but yet I was doing it, or just all kinds of different poses that I look back now and I'm like yoga, that's all it is. And in fact yoga is more of a mental. The asanas, the positions are secondary. It's everything else that is actually the beginning of yoga. It's the mind. It's the beginning of yoga. It's the mind, it's the soul, it's the connection. So how dare anybody ever do that?
Speaker 2:To me, our whole world, every religion is made up of the same thing, and this is what I teach at the treatment center, which I'm assuming we'll get into later. Everything is boiled down to unconditional love, everything, everything. I'm a big like why, find out, why go deeper, why, why, why, why, why? With my girls, I'm like find out, why, why are you doing this? Why do you have an addiction? What's going on? Go deeper. Okay, well, something happened when you were a child, your family, right, go deeper, go deeper, go deeper. And so when I teach with my little marker at the treatment center and I'm just like you guys here's the circle, you're the nucleus Like go deeper, go wide.
Speaker 2:Well, to me, the very end of it is unconditional love. And no matter what you believe in, spiritually speaking, some people don't believe in God, some people don't. They don't have that higher power or the connection, and that's okay. So what You're still a human, what do you want the most of? So what, you're still a human, what do you want the most of? So unconditional love is the core. What's around that?
Speaker 1:Acceptance and fear Equally around it.
Speaker 2:No, we want acceptance. And why do we not get acceptance? And what does that create? Fear, you know. Fear of not being good enough, fear of not being loved, you know. So the unconditional love is at the very center. What's around there? What causes the dysfunctions, what causes the personality disorders, what causes, you know, addictions and all that that gets out later in the circle right, um, so yeah, those are my big things is, um, what keeps us from getting the unconditional love, acceptance and fear.
Speaker 1:Those are that's something I mean. I've been curious, sorry, there's feedback noise.
Speaker 2:Oh okay, great, I have to pee, can we?
Speaker 1:break for just a second. Yeah, this the droppers that I'm taking for this thing is a key all the time, yeah.
Speaker 2:And I can see the box way over here.
Speaker 1:All right, cody said he can't load it in the host, but you have such a soothing voice. This is amazing.
Speaker 2:I have been getting that from the girls at the treatment center a lot lately. I do meditations and I'm like we love you. I don't know this one lady was spazzing out. It was like her first day there.
Speaker 1:She's not my client, but Does that thing look good too. The same.
Speaker 2:She was just like I don't know what it is about you, but I just really feel good in your presence. I was like, oh, that's so great. I don't know what it is about you, but I just really feel good in your presence. That's so great. I wish it cured all of my angst and whatever. But Readjust, am I close enough, too close? No, you're fine, everything's okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, maybe tilt it now, but but it could be farther away from you person's very sensitive.
Speaker 2:Okay, mine is. Yeah, so I can. I can move it back a little bit, okay, is that okay?
Speaker 1:all right, okay, so we're still talking about yoga we can move on to whatever, okay we're good to go.
Speaker 1:Okay, you sent me a tiktok about grief in the last week and they described grief like two cliffs and a gorge between, filled with monsters trying to get you where it's like. At all times, this ocean of awfulness is right there and you can see it, and sometimes you want to dive into it, sometimes like you want to be in it, sometimes you just want to look at it, but it's always there. How often do you feel that way?
Speaker 2:um, yeah, every day, most days, it's just this, um, it's just always there. That's the biggest thing. It's just always there. It just hasn't. And I have to admit, just in the last like couple weeks, I feel like there's been like a pressure release and I think there's a lot of things. There's a lot of things. You know, I always think of life as like a disco ball, like there's so many facets to it, right, and there's so many little pieces of mirror and, um, some days you know are fine, and then other days it's just overwhelming. You know, it's just there. And yeah, she is absolutely right, like it's just like you are in a canyon and it's just always there. Some days are better than others.
Speaker 1:So the healing journey, the stages of grief uh, you talked about how healing isn't linear and resting without shame, honoring your capacity each day yeah, um, it's not linear.
Speaker 2:Nope, it definitely is not linear. Uh, um, grief is interesting because, uh, you know, I've learned so much in the last five years Well, a whole lifetime. Who hasn't right? Um, but grief is just a tricky little bitch, um, you know, because most people think of grief as death and it's not.
Speaker 2:We talk at the treatment center about how you have to grieve your drug of choice, like leaving it if you choose to be done Right, and we honor that with our patients. Like you had a lifetime of alcohol or meth abuse or whatever right Addiction, you can't just like rip that off and be like I'm done, see you later, I'm going to go to AA meetings and everything's fine. Like you have to honor the process. And one thing that I have noticed, I guess about the last, you know, two years, specifically the last year, because after we separated and have had very little contact, um, that's kind of what I'm talking about. Before, that was um fight or flight. Like my, my nervous system was in I was shaking all the time. Like this was before we really ended the relationship, and like that's a whole nother podcast. Like that is terrible and and truly I do want to tell those stories to someday, but right now, the last year, I've learned a lot about honoring what you go through, honoring everything tears, anger, um and sitting with it.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, observing it, you know, and just being like whew, you know, those those weeks, days, weeks or months were really hard, you know. I mean, we're Minnesotans. We go through the darkest of days in the wintertime and some of that time is really beautiful because you get to just hibernate I want to say bed rot, because that's like a term right now, but really, let's go back, it's hibernation. We don't live at the equator, we live in Minnesota. You know it's dark. We don't live at the equator, we live in Minnesota, you know it's dark.
Speaker 2:So, going through the crazy and observing that, going through the, you know sadness, deep, deep sadness, going through anger, you know I'm definitely feeling like these last couple months. I really got angry. I really got angry and showed it to my ex and anybody else that was around was. I'm pissed, kind of going back to the song, I'm pissed that you wasted my time. I'm pissed at myself for letting all that happen, because I love my dad dearly and he may be on this podcast someday, but he taught me the like beautiful, how to be a good person, right. Well, that also included um turning the other cheek right and um being the bigger person, and that did not serve me because I did that throughout the relationship.
Speaker 2:And now you know, educating myself on what was happening through the abusive relationship, it's, uh, people pleasing, you know, enabling it's. It's I thought if I just did. You know, enabling it's, it's I thought if I just did. You know, if I just showed them like how to be better? Or you know if I, if I turn the other cheek right now, it's going to come back. He's going to eventually understand that I didn't do anything wrong or whatever. Nope, guess what. It doesn't give you a better place in heaven, whatever that means to people. You don't get a better spot in heaven for um giving them the benefit of the doubt?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and have you forgave yourself? Are you working on forgiving yourself for making those decisions?
Speaker 2:I, I, I like that. I'm tricky on forgiveness right now and ever. Actually, I'm more in the positive of like healing myself and loving myself and falling in love and healing that little girl or that, whatever. Not forgiving. I don't have to forgive myself for anything. I lived through something. I did the best I could Like.
Speaker 2:Could I say, yes, I betrayed myself in that relationship by allowing somebody to say and do the things that were. What I keep going back to at the end of the relationship was it was so unnecessary. Is it true? Is it kind, you know? Is it necessary If you do something to somebody, is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
Speaker 2:Um, the things he said to me were not necessary. They were insidious and mean and, you know, debilitating they. They harmed me in a way that I don't know if I'll ever honestly fully heal from that. Um, so, no, I don't need to forgive myself. I mean, yeah, it's a tricky, tricky little thing. And I tell my girls too you do not have to forgive.
Speaker 2:People get caught up in that like, oh, I have to forgive them for me, it's for me, it's healing for me and it's like, make sure you're doing it for the right reasons and knowing what you're actually talking about. You know. Honor yourself. You don't have to forgive yourself. Just honor yourself and the process that you've gone through, because, at the end of the day, in my belief system, we all come here to learn things and that's all it is Like he and I. A reader, like a psychic reader, that I went to many, many years ago said, well before I even realized what the abuse was, what was happening. This was the very beginning of our relationship. She said you guys planned this before you came here. So I honor him in a way of saying we did this. I had to go through this life with him to believe in myself and if we went deeper and deeper and deeper, we could figure that part out. But again, that's for another podcast.
Speaker 1:Do you think there's anything, too, though, that like you're drinking the poison by not forgiving him and hoping that he gets sick? Say that again. So like forgiveness is like or revenge, or being staying mad at somebody is like drinking poison and wanting the other person to die.
Speaker 2:No, yeah, um no, I, I, I don't feel I'm not carrying that, I'm not, I don't think that. Um yeah, no. I've heard that many times, but I don't really subscribe to it.
Speaker 1:Do you think you can let go without forgiveness? Do you think you can move on and get healthy?
Speaker 2:for sure, oh, absolutely yeah. Yeah, it's more of like a letting go then. I don't know, maybe it's just the term forgiveness, like I'm just not into it.
Speaker 2:You're just not subscribing yeah, I'm just really not like there is a woman I wish I would have, um I I wish I could remember her name. I see her a lot on online and I love her so much and maybe she is who I'm attached to. She's like a psychologist. I know other people can remember her name, but, um, she looks like an Indian woman. I can't remember her name, but she, um, also has said that you in narcissistic. She said that narcissism is the epidemic of our time right now and she is very much saying you don't have to forgive.
Speaker 1:I mean, maybe Christianity preaching forgiveness is a form of control. Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2:I mean.
Speaker 1:I'm not sure I'd have to think about it a lot for myself, but I completely agree with that.
Speaker 2:Like it's just I don't know. To me it's just let go and focus somewhere else. You know I've been mad at this whole situation. It hasn't, and it is. It does feel like the poison stuff. I guess what I feel like is you have to move through it and allow yourself to feel those feelings. I feel like sometimes the forgiveness just does control.
Speaker 1:But the capacity for love that could come from forgiveness in yourself. Do you think about that? Could come from forgiveness in yourself. Do you think about that? That's how I feel, like the capacity that I could love the world, even the rapists and the killers and the most horrible people in the world, if I can find a way to love them. My capacity for love is so close to nature's yeah, and I guess what I again.
Speaker 2:I think it's maybe just the word forgiveness, but more like going towards that unconditional love, you know, accepting somebody for who they are. You have to understand what I do every day. I work with the people that other people shun. I mean, if anybody's doing Jesus's work and I'm not like I don't subscribe to being a Christian I think Jesus is awesome, was awesome, like as a prophet. I don't necessarily go I got to go pray to him. I don't even think that's in my opinion. I don't think that's what he wanted or wants wherever he is. And there's other prophets that were equally weird, just kind of honed down on him in our society, in the white world, in the you know US or you know some of the other countries. But no, I just I follow in those teachings, naturally because I love everybody so much. I love everybody so much. You really guys have to understand what I do. It's bananas Every day. We're just like at work.
Speaker 2:If we didn't me and my coworkers like have this connection, it would be really bad. Last year this year I don't even know it feels like it's been 10 years and it's been a year I had this patient who is so sick and I had to like she wouldn't shower Ever, ever. She is the person that other people shun in society. If you saw her on the street, and even the kindest people would avoid her out of fear. And I mean, this is the beauty of my life, where I have to run into the fire to help these people. That is my forgiveness and my unconditional love. I just go down to the fear and unconditional love. They're scared. How can I make you feel better? Those kind of people.
Speaker 1:I do really well with, and it's like maybe don't waste your time figuring out how to unconditionally love these people that have hurt us. Let's put it towards other people who actually? Deserve it, yeah, and so I think that's a whole mind state shift in itself.
Speaker 2:You know we were talking about this at work today, where somebody says something to you in your life and you remember it from like a long time ago. My dad told me I remember exactly where I was standing in our old house. I was seven years old and my dad goes. He looks at me and he was joking around but he was, just like you are, a bleeding heart liberal and that sounded scary. I remember being like a bleeding heart, like oh my God, like what you know, and it took me years to understand, kind of like I was. I was such a bleeding heart liberal my entire life. I was like what about them, dad? Like the salt of the earth, like that's what Jesus taught, the salt of the earth, the meek. You know I was obsessed or fascinated, I should say not obsessed um with um.
Speaker 2:I was obsessed or fascinated I should say not obsessed with who loses limbs leprosy. There were nurses that would go to like an island in Hawaii where it was all just lepers on the island and they would take care of them until they ended up getting it themselves, like that is the ultimate sacrifice. Am I doing that? No, but kind of I'm like oh my gosh, yeah.
Speaker 1:No, your job is seriously ruthless. It is ruthless.
Speaker 2:It's ruthless, like it's every day, and I have these very much glimmers where my heart I have, because of the nature of the abuse, of what I went through and how my marriage ended.
Speaker 2:Um, I have been numb even, which is going to make me cry, but like, even to the love of my children, you know, I just I'm so, um, like, have an armor around me to, to, to just be able to keep going, right, I can't feel things because it's so painful, but I get this tickle in my heart chakra, you know, of, like, when a glimmer, whether it's my children, bodhi just gave me a hug before I came here and they're little boys so like they'll give you like a fake hug where they're like okay, mom, you know, but then he just like relaxed into me and we just got to have like a little embrace, you know, and that gives like that tickle in my chest, and I don't get those very often anymore, you know.
Speaker 2:And um, at work there are moments where I'm just like, oh my God, this is, this job is killing me, you know, like, and I'm not in a great space anyway to like, and I'm not in a great space anyway to like, whatever the capacity I guess. But then I'll have little moments where somebody who is really sick and really needs support and love and eye contact and I see you and I care about you and I, you know, that's what makes me go to work every day, that's what?
Speaker 1:yeah, so this lady that said that you had signed a contract and decided to come here and learn these things?
Speaker 2:from your ex-husband.
Speaker 2:Why do you think you did that? I think that I signed up for a lot of heartache as, like this push for exactly what we're talking about right now, like I came here to brighten people's lives, but also you can't just be the sun all the time, right, there's got to be the other darkness, like that balance. You know, I did do a lot of study in like the Eastern philosophy from massage school and Thailand, and there's got to be balance. I mean, everybody knows the yin and yang symbol and the little dot in there is the S is supposed to be kind of like that.
Speaker 1:That's why I picked it.
Speaker 2:So in the yin and yang, you know, you have that teeny dot because there's a little bit of darkness in the light and a little bit of light in the dark, you know, and you have to have balance in everything. Everything, even inanimate objects, have yin and yang features. And like, here's the outer of this microphone, well, the inner is the yin, the inside, that works in there. A lot like females work internally and males are out there externally. They build all of this stuff because that's what they're wired to do, and the women often or let's say female parts, um are more the internal. They're the ones thinking all the time about how to create the beauty. And I mean, would any of the men in in just in this establishment, would they do any of this? No, probably not. No offense.
Speaker 2:I'm sure somebody lovely would. But you get what I'm saying and that's the balance, that's where we're supposed to be, and it's not gender, it's just, you know, maternal versus paternal, or external versus internal, or you know, it's just everywhere it really is. I mean, the more you understand, um, like I said, the Asian philosophy, it's. It's just that beautiful balance. It goes down to nature. Uh, I took a class. What's it called? Um? Oh gosh sorry, science, it's the outside science. Science, it's the outside science. What's it called? Um? I had to take this class, not life, no, it's the um shit.
Speaker 1:I did it at Anoka Ramsey. We can pause and look it up.
Speaker 2:No, it's fine. But when you're in science, uh, when you're science, when you're outside, um, when you're outside, for example, when they started shooting all the wolves in Yellowstone, they started killing all the wolves. The ecosystem got affected, right? So all the wolves, the predators, are gone. So then what happens? Oh, all the deer are there. Well then, all the deer eat up all the vegetation along the streams, and that affects then the beavers or whatever lives in them. And then the vegetation, like everything, has balance, and when you mess with the balance, you mess with everything. Environmental science, that's what it was. Environmental science, and it was. I love learning. Oh my God, I love school, I love it. If you quit learning, you might as well be dead, because what else is there? Complacency, and that is worse than anything.
Speaker 1:So what needs to happen in our society for the balance of masculine and feminine femininity to get to a healthier place, Honoring each other. Because I think women don't feel safe being feminine right now oh my God, not at all.
Speaker 2:And people don't realize what healthy masculine energy is, or I think what's happening too is are now more in their masculine than they ever have been, and that is detrimental to society. Now they're there, they have to be closed off, they have to live on their own. They have to because the men that come into their lives want something that's like. They want to be nurtured like their mothers would have done, you know.
Speaker 1:I don't know. Well, I think some men are scared to be masculine because of Me Too, movements and things like that. I think they've gone either one way or the other too hardcore. Nobody's in balance.
Speaker 2:No, not at all. I don't know. I don't know how to fix it. I, just, like I was gonna say, is, I think, honoring each other and like where are you, where am I, what do you need? And it's I said this the other day too it boils down to communication. It boils down to like honesty and truth, and the thing that we have to be the most truthful to is ourselves what are my wants and needs? And if you want to be in a partnership, it has to be like this.
Speaker 1:It can't be like this you know Well, like me and Jen Peterson have talked on a couple episodes about is telling people how you want to be supported. I mean, of course, in a relationship, you need to communicate about what makes you feel safe as a woman and as a man, what makes you feel like you are the protector and you are Well also being honest about what you're in love with that other person for.
Speaker 2:Are you using them? Are you riding on their coattails, are you like my ex-husband made it seem like I was just using him to sit at home and eat bonbons like, which was very unfair and so detrimental to what our family was, you know. And I didn't feel safe communicating with him about my wants and needs because everything I did was wrong. And it starts really small and it just like nips at you, like little, tiny paper cuts. I always said if I wrote a book it was going to be death by a thousand paper cuts because it's so tiny, but then it just like it ends up killing you.
Speaker 2:You know, and we didn't have communication. We literally did not have a true relationship. I mean he looked at me as an object. True relationship, I mean he looked at me as an object and if I didn't perform like I could do 10 things right and he would say how dare you not have enough um salami for my lunches? You don't love me, you don't care about me for salami, nevermind all the big things that I had done. And that's when I should have looked and said this isn't right, I need to go, but as a woman I didn't make enough money. I was scared to go live on my own. I was, you know, it was just and when you're love drunk you're like oh okay, well, maybe that is something I can work on.
Speaker 1:Oh, I can be better.
Speaker 2:Oh, do this better.
Speaker 1:As it's deteriorating your insides. Yep, can you tell the snake story that you've told me a couple of times?
Speaker 2:Yes, so I talk about this at the treatment center all the time too, um, cause I have so many women coming in there and being like, oh, he's a narcissist, he was a narcissist. And you know, not very many are are actually diagnosed as narcissists. Everybody has those tendencies, just like any personality disorder. We all have bits and pieces to those right. It takes quite a bit to actually be diagnosed and blah, blah, blah. But um, I, I found this, um, incidentally, I found this story it's not really a poem, but um, when I worked there 10 years ago.
Speaker 2:So I worked at the treatment center 10 years ago for two years. I got my bachelor's degree, I did my internship there, I worked there. Meanwhile I was having babies. They were, they were little, veda was a teenager and I was collapsing out of pressure, right, and I, just I went to Nate. He was doing well in his, um, his career, so his business partner had left he, he was making more money and I was just like this is not working for our family. You know like, and at my job at that time, I couldn't drop down to like part-time. That would have been great. You know like, and at my job at that time, I couldn't drop down to like part-time, that would have been great, you know, but it the nature of that business, you can't, right, you have to either be in it or not. So we had agreed, agreed to, for me to stay home, um, anyway.
Speaker 2:So I I found this poem or whatever, um, back then and it really stuck with me because, again, I knew that there were red flags, I knew that something was going on, but I just I loved him so much and I was just hoping, if I just got to this, if I just got to this, I'd make him happy. It would dissipate, everything would be fine, we'd get to ride off into the sunset. It would dissipate, everything would be fine, we'd get to ride off into the sunset. And this is, like you said, about the forgiveness of yourself for for not heeding that, what you knew. You know, I still go back to like, I don't know that I can, I just have to, um, admit that that's what I did, accept it and move on. But anyway, here it's called the girl and the snake.
Speaker 2:A young girl walking along a mountain path to her grandmother's house heard a rustle at her feet. Looking down, she saw a snake. But before she could react, the snake spoke to her. I'm about to die. He said it's too cold for me up here and I'm freezing. There's no food in these mountains and I'm starving. Please put me under your coat and take me with you. No, the girl replied. I know your kind. You're a rattlesnake and if I pick you up you will bite me, and your bite is poisonous. No, no, no. The snake said If you help me, you will be my best friend. I will treat you differently.
Speaker 2:The young girl sat down on a rock for a moment to rest and think things over. She looked at the beautiful markings on the snake and she had to admit to herself he was the most beautiful snake she'd ever seen. Suddenly, she said I believe you, I will save you. All living things deserve to be treated with kindness. She then reached over, put the snake gently under her coat and continued toward her grandmother's house.
Speaker 2:Within a moment, she felt a sharp pain in her side. The snake had bitten her. How could you do this to me, she cried. You promised that you would not bite me and I trusted you. You knew what I was when you picked me up, he hissed as he slithered away. That is what I think is wrong with our society, with the feminine, masculine, like I think, and it's no, it's. I'm not a man hater at all, um, but I think that too many women are doing this, and men more than what, what that other person is? No, I take that back. It's not that they're wanting they, they want that unconditional love, but they're um overlooking.
Speaker 1:You know, there's a saying that I know what you were when you.
Speaker 2:I knew what you were when, or you knew what I was. When you picked me up, um, with my ex-husband, I always said I overlooked your shortcomings and you amplified mine, and that's like where it was just not fair. You know that that I was taught unconditional love. I was taught that and I didn't receive that. So, at the end of the day, two things are going to happen. Maybe I'll find it someday, maybe, um, or that's okay if I don't, you know, because at the what, what I'm learning throughout this process is to love me unconditionally, and that's hard. I look in the mirror and I'm like, oh, my God, look at you, you know. And then I see other people and I'm like, wow, look at them. They, you know, they're not perfect and they clearly love each other, no matter what. And I, you know, the struggle for me is just believing that that's available to me. So it's still a lesson, life lesson.
Speaker 1:Have you ever heard the term limerence? I don't know if that's something you relate to or not, but I do. It's when you're attracted to a relationship where the dynamic is more about yearning for love than actually getting it. So, like me, I need to learn that yearning for love isn't actual love. Do you resonate with that at all?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I feel like pretty much every relationship I had I was yearning for that love and I think that's why I never settled down, because I have more fun yearning than I do actually being in love, but not more fun. I just maybe don't know how to receive it and get it. Yeah, but it's interesting that it's a whole term and a whole thing. Yeah, it's, it's. I mean like that I'm not the only one. No, that's like addicted to that cycle, I think.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know, I I did it with like every relationship and put myself wholly in, and then and and I'm guilty of it too like as soon as there was this, it was intoxicating for both parties, right, that beginning anytime you're in love and everything, but then how do you continue to be in love? You know, I just didn't get that acceptance of how am I trying to say this? Yeah, I feel like there was just as soon as I got resistance, then I was like shut down, like oh, you're in love with me, you're in love with me and you're like, and then they would say something or and oftentimes it was, it was legit from my perspective of like they were being a dick, because, let's face it, I'm sorry to say this and you can cut this out please, but like men are dicks, and I think of this in in nature like a bull is a dick, he's not warm and fuzzy, you're not going to take a nap with him as a cow, you're gonna get fucked by him, and then that's it, you know. So I would have these relationships with men and they would like give me breadcrumbs, or you know, it was like all hot and heavy at first, and then they give me these bread, but then they started like give me breadcrumbs, or you know, it was like all hot and heavy at first and then they give me these bread.
Speaker 2:But then they started like picking the constant, like criticism, and I know I didn't do that to them. I wasn't like, oh, criticizing the way you cut that or criticizing the way you chew your food or you know something dumb. You know they were doing it and if anything, there was reaction Like, oh, fuck, fuck yourself, look at you in your stupid tighty whities or whatever but you know like I don't know um, I don't know.
Speaker 2:I'm just saying speaking of beta another thing.
Speaker 1:I'm not sure if you do too much of this or not, but I had written down self-sabotage, like we are scared of our own power. Because with power is being seen when you're powerful, you shine. People will judge you and laugh at you and misunderstand you. So the brain says just stay small where it's safe. Do you do that at all?
Speaker 2:Yeah, but mine is more um work. I self sabotage in like life, not necessarily in relationships. Relationships I'm like, hmm, people pleasing, love me, you know, and out there, I'm like you know, but I also am neurodivergent. So you have that your own mask and you can only go for so long. Um, where I work now I've definitely dropped that mask and I'm like I suck, you should fire me. And they're like we're not going to do that. We love you. You're a mess, but we still love you and we need a warm body. So, like, just keep doing it, doing what you do. But, um, yeah, no, I self-sabotage is a big. It's front and center in my life, just at work and stuff, but like watching other people do it too. But yeah, I do.
Speaker 1:Whenever I've had like big, like oh, I'm starting some new classes or a new job or anything like big is happening. That's where I find myself self-sabotaging. I used to, with drinking and nicotine and everything, and now it's just kind of, you know, like maybe gluttony type stuff or yeah.
Speaker 2:Just a lot of things just kind of collapsing and going yeah.
Speaker 1:And I wanted this really bad.
Speaker 2:But now I'm like scared of success. We talk about that a lot. Where it's like self-sabotage, the opposite word is really you're fearful of success. It's people think they trick themselves and go I'm scared to do something because I'm afraid of failing, because somebody is going to tell you you failed. I mean, a lot of people have family dynamics that are like you can't do that, you can't do that. So then the opposite is like I'm actually scared of being successful and then who's around me that's going to keep pumping my tires, rather than you know the opposite of saying, oh, you suck and you can't do this, it's really like there's nobody there. When you have a whole family who sucks and not like I'm not speaking of anybody, I know I'm saying like this is what I see at the treatment center. A lot of these girls have addictions because they didn't exactly have like wonderful home lives, right, so then they're scared to do anything, they're scared of succeeding and that's what causes constant relapse and you know self-sabotage.
Speaker 1:Well, and it can also be a form of control, like I will fail on my terms and then I never have to find out if I'm actually good at this or lovable, because I'm not letting it happen, right.
Speaker 2:And the pressure of like attaining something but then maintaining it. That's the hard part is people are like I can get there, but then once I'm there, I'm like lost the interest. You know, in ADHD it's very common Like you're just like, yeah, I got there, but then I'm not interested anymore.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I remember watching the movie Tangled with my niece and the one line in there was like. She was like, well, what happens if I get my goal? And I'm like, well, then you get a new goal.
Speaker 2:And I was like oh my God, oh what.
Speaker 1:Oh, and I still think that way. I still get scared to be where I. If I get to where I'm at when I'm 50, then is my life like that forever. No, when I'm 50, I'm going to want new things and that's like hard for my brain to realize.
Speaker 2:Right, I'm in that right now I have a lot on my plate, but at the same time there's a bit of I don't want to say boredom that's a blanket term. I wish my brain and the English language had a little bit more um word studies yeah. But I'm in this like plateau sort of feeling of like normally, and I know actually I know peers who also have gone through divorce and are like jump into the next relationship or the next relationship or whatever, and that's a form of distraction and validation and dopamine.
Speaker 1:Well, isn't the next relationship just going to be the same if you haven't figured out why you were in that?
Speaker 2:one, right, maybe, and that's over here. That's a different thing, but what I'm seeing is like, okay, I'm, I'm not in, I'm scared actually to even date, you know, and the whole idea of like bringing somebody into my life right now just does not appeal. However, that plateau or, for lack of a better word, boredom. I'm like growth, so I was like, fuck, I have to apply for my master's degree Because otherwise what I mean two things I should be jumping into my ocellare business and doing that. That's the yoga and the massage.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Um, but the the masters also plays into that. So, like my, my thoughts are just start taking some classes again. Regrowth, you know, you look at a plant and they get big and they kind of die, and then there's not die but like then there's the little new growth again and that's where I feel like I have to get back into schoolwork, I have to get back into, otherwise I'm just not really growing. You know, um and so when, in 10 years, at 57, I would like to, I would like to have a um, a therapy business with my wellness business, if that makes sense. So like with yoga, massage, body work.
Speaker 1:Maybe some psychedelics.
Speaker 2:Psychedelics. I wasn't sure if we were going to talk about that or not, so I do have something to say about that. You guys can cut it or do whatever, but I keep pointing this way because Wisconsin.
Speaker 1:Does she need to be a little bit closer to the mic? It seems like it's gotten pretty far away.
Speaker 2:Am I okay? I just feel nasally, but am I okay? Yeah, bring it a little bit closer, okay.
Speaker 1:But Cody says you have to talk into the tip.
Speaker 2:So maybe turn it this way a little bit.
Speaker 1:Hello, you could have just turned it. Okay, I have to edit this with him. Thank you for that. Yeah, just kidding.
Speaker 2:You're welcome. I'm self-sabotaging Veda.
Speaker 1:Just kidding.
Speaker 2:No, up at Wisconsin Superior is probably where I'm going to do my master's degree, and I really want to, and I've known this for a long time. I just kind of got off track and I think the universe is like. This is why I met Nate. This is why maybe I would have stayed complacent or done something different, and maybe this is just exactly what needs to happen. Um, and I don't even care about the forgiveness part. Someday I will say to him, whether that's in this life or the afterlife, to be like thank you for what we went through.
Speaker 1:You know, um, to get me Cause I signed up for it too.
Speaker 2:Exactly, you know, to live on my own, pay my mortgage, all the things. But I have to live as if I'm never getting married again. That's the female part where I have to be in my masculine that I might not ever. And then maybe some dude's going to swoop in one day and be like I will care for you, but not if you're living in your masculine.
Speaker 1:You have to learn to live in your feminine so that person can come.
Speaker 2:I think Right now I'm living for me and I just want to get my master's keep learning, because I really do enjoy mental health. As fucking oh my God as it is, I do enjoy it. There's days when I want to quit and go be in like finance or something, because I can't even, but at the end of the day, it's what I was made to do and yes, I do want to do like therapy through psychedelics. So that will be the next 10 years of my life is to eat a bunch of drugs. And just kidding. Please edit that out.
Speaker 1:No, we're not editing it out. Yes, you are, because I work at the treatment center.
Speaker 2:I hold a license. So don't Okay, psychedelic drugs like mind expansion, and truly no. So don't psychedelic drugs like mind expansion, and truly no joke. Plant medicine If you want to get into the spirituality part, my relationship with the higher power, our creator and this world did not make mistakes. Those plants are here for a reason. If there is a way that you trip off and go into some other realm, that's intentional. Those mushrooms, those plants, those psychedelics, were put here for a reason, a growth reason, you know, for love. It all goes back down to we're all one and it's all. We're all connected. I mean I had some heavy trips in my early 20s and I remember going off into the stratosphere and realizing that we were all one and connected and genuinely grieving as the trip comes back and you come back into life and you're like no, I want to be back there. And then all of a sudden you're like fuck, I can't remember what happened.
Speaker 1:Don't you remember sleeping in my tent, in my truck? And you said my name and I screamed so loud, and then we're both laughing because you're like you weren't here, were you? I was like no, I was 27 dimensions away, at least, and you just pulled me back in in one second. Do you know how? Like crazy and fast. That was Whoa, except I didn't scream.
Speaker 1:No, I screamed, I said or you just said my name and I screamed and I can still remember how my body felt, because I had been transported back to planet earth in 0.1 seconds.
Speaker 2:Hey, can I do? I do want to say this one part. Uh, what led me to the demise? I don't want to say this one part. What led me to the demise I don't want to say it like that Not the demise of my relationship with Nate, he did that but what helped literally open my eyes? I went down to the what is it called Minnesota Psychedelic Society. Remember when we went down to that place and I had those droppers in my eye, Were you with during that? No, I had gone by myself, that's right. I went down to the cities by myself and did this like afternoon. I mean, I drove home, but they put these droppers in my eye.
Speaker 1:I've done it before Holy cow.
Speaker 2:I really want to do it again, like it burned, like hell. But it was shortly thereafter that he did the whole droppers in my eyes and then feeling like my eyes really were open to his abuse. And then but I didn't know it at the time still it was. It was thankfully, you know, gradual. But then when he ripped the vision board off the wall, that was very significant because it was my life. I mean, I have a picture I found the other day and I couldn't bring myself to actually zoom in on it but it showed the whole vision board and I was like I made almost all of those, I attained all of those, all of them. I'm so mad. But he did that and that was very significant too. And it was that ripping off it was like breaking of the chains. I think of these things in visuals of significance. Why was it significant? And when he did that, I mean between the eyeball thing, microdosing, and that that completely started the trajectory of the end of my marriage. It took four years to be done.
Speaker 2:And now I'm sitting and this is what I I you know want to write a book about and and help other women with is just processing all of that and moving through it and once you get out of the relationship, what happens afterwards to heal and I'm definitely in the more healing aspect right now than I am. I'm out of the fight or flight, you know, but it's hard Depression, you know, suicidal ideations, thoughts that you don't want to be there. My boss asked me about that recently and she was just like so concerned. Of course she's lovely and, um, she basically, you know very intently, like what, what are your thoughts and where are you at. And I was like I am redirecting when they happen. I'm not wallowing in it, I'm not, you know, ruminating on what I'm, I have no plan, I redirect. But they're there and how scary that is and lonely it is to anybody. Who's I so selfish or oh, whatever, whatever. And I'm thinking what led them up to actually doing it is so heartbreaking.
Speaker 1:If they actually feel that.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, and then get to it.
Speaker 1:Despair yeah.
Speaker 2:It's heartbreaking. I would never fault somebody for doing that. Like it's just, I would never fault somebody for doing that. It's just the pain that you feel, the hopelessness, the despair, just lack of purpose. And I have children. I'm over here going. They're my tether. I mean I really feel like the untethered soul. When my marriage ended I felt so just just floating out like had no identity anymore. I don't feel that way anymore, thank God. I mean it's only been within the past four to six months that I, kind of like a cloud, have kind of moved out of that. And there's there's dark days and there's bad days and stuff. But and even just and even just a few weeks ago, I was feeling really, really down and having the ideations or I should not say ideations as much as intrusive thoughts. You know, just like what's the point? It's just that hopelessness. What's the point?
Speaker 1:But you just said the word redirect, and right here, I had that one time you said that pivoting is your superpower Definitely. It said the word redirect, and right here, I had that one time you said that pivoting is your superpower, definitely.
Speaker 2:Definitely. Yep, I like pivoting when you bump up against something and it's not meant for you.
Speaker 1:You got to pivot because it's a beautiful thing, it's just like realizing that, because it's like you can bump and bump and keep pushing, pushing and until you're like, oh, I can go the other way. Yeah, that is. It's like you can bump and bump and keep pushing, pushing and until you're like, oh, I can go the other way. Yeah, that is it's like it takes. Depression and anxiety can make you not be able to realize that like recognize that you can go the other way.
Speaker 1:It's kind of like I don't get migraines often, but when I do, all I need is a mountain dew and I'm fine, it goes away. But when the migraine is so bad I can't think straight enough to drink a Mountain Dew. That's where like it'll be 5 pm and I'm like oh. I know how to fix this. But when you're depressed or have any of these uncontrollable emotions that you can't think straight, that's where friends and relationships come in, and that's why it's so important to have them and to be there for people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and reach out. You know this is part of the self-honesty. I talk about it because I don't want to be alone and it's okay to feel those feelings, it's okay. Just, you know, reach out, talk about it. I'm healing out loud. That's what I'm doing. I'm not keeping these secrets anymore. I went through postpartum psychosis. I saw things that weren't there, and when your brain breaks and betrays you, it's the most terrifying feeling in the world. And that's probably why I do really well with my schizophrenic patients, because I meet them where they're at. I don't try to fix them. I don't. I literally what are? What are they saying to you? Do you believe this? Like, how do you feel it's okay, I'm here, I'm here, you know you're safe. I mean whatever I can do to make somebody feel okay, you know that's, that's the connection, that's the human connection that I care about, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I want to get into your words. Oh shoot, Um, one person, just just just. They didn't understand the mission and just said, downright fucking awesome. Can you guess who said that?
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:Robin, that's something you can say. But if you had to guess, what would you say About what? What?
Speaker 2:your top word would be your top the way everybody described you.
Speaker 1:So, okay, I didn't explain it. So I asked Shannon to pick seven people for me to reach out to and ask them to describe her in six or seven words, and now I'm going to reveal the top themes, okay.
Speaker 2:Crazy. Free spirit was always a pretty I don't know.
Speaker 1:That's really good. That's all I got. Well, the number one word and how you were just describing how you are with your patients. I mean, it just makes so much sense. The number one theme is compassion. Compassion With words like loving, caring, kind, loyal, thoughtful, considerate, respectful, supportive, good-hearted and friendly People trust you with their hearts. Second word is influencer. What so you're commanding? Decisive, dynamic. Infallible, which means incapable of making mistakes or being wrong. What You're incapable of making mistakes and being wrong. That's how people see you what Realistic bossy entrepreneur.
Speaker 2:Who said, bossy, I'm never telling yes you are.
Speaker 1:No, I'm not Bossy. But, entrepreneur and forward. I mean that's all very true, yeah. Third word is strong. With words like strong, resilient, strong-willed, purposeful, persistent, brave, bold and independent. Your fifth word is magnetic, magical, powerful, healing, loving, beautiful, alluring, amiable, funny, sarcastic you stand out in any, is true? Did I say that was the fifth word because that was the fourth? Fifth is deep intelligent wise, smart.
Speaker 1:I asked ai to make a synopsis with all these words and it said you are the magic and the mirror, powerful, healing and the reflection of all. That's true. So I did think that the word strong might hit a nerve. We have talked about this before, how we don't want to have to be strong. We're talking about the masculine and the feminine energy. If we lived in a balanced world, women wouldn't have to be strong. They could be creative and magnetic and magical and lovely and healing and powerful and alluring all the things that you're described as which everybody still sees in you. But if you didn't have to be so strong all the time, maybe that maybe magnetic would have came before strong.
Speaker 1:I mean it's great to be so strong all the time. Amen, maybe that. Maybe magnetic would have came before strong. I mean, it's great to be looked at as strong, but also if you were surrounded around healthy masculine energy, everybody would see you strong in other ways is what I'm saying, but it's too bad. We've talked about this. You know that we have to be strong.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. My dad said recently where he was like kind of talking about what like destroyed me, and he was just like you were the strongest person I've ever met. And I remember thinking I don't want to be strong, I want to be cared for, I want to be supported. I feel like if I just had that like support, I could create so much.
Speaker 1:You could flourish in creativity.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I just said this the other day I'm like I miss that. I don't paint, I don't. Everything was just like you to do it this way. According to my ex, Like you know, there's stories that I could tell, Like he was yelling at me of, you know, after I finished my associate degree and I was going to go into my well, what are you going to do with it? What are you going to do? What are you going to do? And I was like it's just going to lay itself out there Like life. That's just how life goes, you know non-dreamers can't understand that.
Speaker 1:Like, you don't need the full plan, you just need to start Right.
Speaker 2:And that's what every creative person out there is saying Every if you had a blank canvas and you were going to paint something, what are you going to paint? Like it happens as you're doing it, you know, like that's the beauty of life, you know I just miss, I miss creating, I miss having that like security to just be able to be in my own creative space, you know. So thank you for that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That was really nice.
Speaker 1:Sorry, I didn't give you more time to process.
Speaker 2:No, it's okay, it's good, I didn't need to like fall apart, that was just really it's. It's hard to hear those words because, yeah, I just I don't know what do you have energy for even when you're tired. What do I have energy for even when I'm tired? Oh, I don't know. I feel like I don't have any energy anymore. Um, I don't know. I don't know how to answer it. To be honest, I'll have to think about that. What lesson?
Speaker 1:has taken you the longest to learn how to love myself? I'll have to think about that.
Speaker 2:What lesson has taken you the longest to learn, ugh, how to love myself, how to be okay with my. I want to say, like, how to be okay with my imperfections, but that's not it. It's that other outside things have said that I'm wrong or bad. So now I have to like unravel that I'm okay. I just want to be confident, like out in the world and just own my own shit and be okay with it. Like to be able to like call my own shit in front of others and be like, yeah, this is who I am, fuck off. You know. Call my own shit in front of others and be like, yeah, this is who I am, fuck off. You know, there's times when I'm confident, like if I'm teaching a group or whatever, and but it's not the same way other women are that I admire, you know. Um, I just want to be okay in my skin and that's why I just don't think I can allow anybody in my space yet. I have to really grow and love me. Faults and all.
Speaker 1:Repetitive beliefs are like a weapon. What repetitive beliefs are you letting your brain weaponize you with that you'd like to let go of?
Speaker 2:That I'm just not good enough, you know. I'm just not good enough what do you do right now that you hope your grandkids do when they're your age? Um dance love that.
Speaker 1:What do you do that you hope they don't do um?
Speaker 2:bed rot.
Speaker 1:I thought we just established it was okay in the winter. I was like, maybe I like winter now because last week me and Jen talked about how much we hate it.
Speaker 2:No, I it's just uh, mine's been too much.
Speaker 1:And it's summer, yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean, it's just it's exhaustion.
Speaker 1:I mean I literally get in bed at like six, seven every night, and I mean work and watch. Tv and TikTok, and it's too much, though, right, I mean the summer, though, in Minnesota. Let's be real gross.
Speaker 2:No, what was the last one about grandparents? Say that again.
Speaker 1:Or grandchildren. What do you do that you hope that they don't do?
Speaker 2:Well, so the bedrock, like what I want them to do, is exercise more. I want to be out, I want to live like my grandma did in 19,. You know, 60.
Speaker 1:I know Um make me come to yoga more, or like let's yes, yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, I have to build that business back up, Like it's kind of like, but kids, and it was baseball and now it's football. So I'm like, okay, I have to. I need to just balance. I need to balance. If anybody comes, I'm fine with not to be honest, because we have this baby shower and it's just still the summertime. It's just, it's fine, Everything's fine, I'll get there, it's okay.
Speaker 1:I keep telling myself it's okay, well, thank you so much for coming on. Thanks for having me. You can't be a regular.
Speaker 2:I would love to. I would love to. I have a lot to say. This went way better than I. I was nervous, I was scared, but it's you, it's me and you and I love how you introed it too, like we're not related but we look like it.
Speaker 1:Get mixed up for each other.
Speaker 2:Yeah, your hair looks good. Did you lighten?
Speaker 1:it yeah, just a couple days ago.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I darkened mine a couple days ago.
Speaker 1:See, we don't look as much alike Yang and yang.
Speaker 2:Exactly. All right, you got to keep that part in. I love you.