Supernaut
Supernaut is a podcast about spirituality, sobriety, and the spectrum of self. Hosted by Beth Kelling, this show explores what it means to seek clarity, connection, and personal truth in a world that rarely slows down.
Since beginning her sobriety journey in 2020, Beth has been diving deeper into spiritual practices, emotional honesty, and all the beautiful, messy layers of identity.
Each episode opens the door to conversations about healing, growth, creativity, intuition, and everything in between — because who we are isn’t fixed, it’s a spectrum.
Beth will be joined by guests who share their own stories, perspectives, and spiritual paths — offering insight, inspiration, and the occasional cosmic detour.
Whether you’re sober-curious, spiritually inclined, or just looking to feel a little more human, you’re in the right place
Supernaut
Shame-Free Living
What if you could eat a dessert without shame? What if your perceived failures were actually gateways to deeper understanding? Join me in this vulnerable solo episode where I share my four-month journey since committing to a year without desserts and daily outdoor meditation.
When life's stresses triggered a dessert "relapse," I discovered something powerful: the opportunity to practice eating without shame. Drawing wisdom from dopamine expert Anna Lemke, I learned that our brains sometimes override rational thought to achieve homeostasis during stress. The real growth came not from perfect adherence to my original goal, but from breaking the shame cycle that would typically follow a perceived failure.
My meditation practice similarly evolved from rigid rules to a more fluid approach—sometimes guided, sometimes silent, sometimes while walking or eating. A Buddhist monk's wisdom reminds us that you can't be "bad" at meditation because it's simply about observing thoughts as they arise. The practice isn't about emptying your mind but noticing when it wanders.
The most profound revelations came through therapy, where I finally understood my ADHD patterns and identified my tendency as a Rebel in Gretchen Rubin's Four Tendencies framework. This explained why I've resisted expectations my entire life unless they made personal sense to me. From childhood defiance of drinking "overnight water" to questioning societal "shoulds" about marriage and career, this pattern has shaped my choices—sometimes to my benefit, sometimes not.
Remember: your outer world always responds to your inner energetic blueprint. As we release shame and understand our natural tendencies, we create space for authentic growth and connection. I'm grateful for every listener who's joined this journey, especially those who've reached out and even become meditation partners. Your presence matters more than you know.
0:00 Podcast Introduction and Gratitude
1:41 Sweet Surrender Update
4:05 Practicing Eating Without Shame
7:20 Meditation Journey and New Insights
10:08 Chicago Trip and Scarcity Mindset
12:14 ADHD Realization and Letting Go
14:01 The Four Tendencies Framework
18:42 Final Thoughts and Call to Action
Welcome to Supernot, where we explore the inner and outer worlds of self. This is my second solo episode and first of all, I just want to thank everybody from the bottom of my heart who's been watching. It's been so amazing to get messages and so many more people are watching than I ever expected, and I've even made some new friends, which was really the goal. I love my friends, but finding more people who want to grow the same way I do is really the point. So thank you for watching and bearing through as we get better. I was a 10 out of 10 scared on my first solo episode and now I'd say I'm still like a six or seven. This morning I felt completely fine, but now I'm like shaking, but hopefully we get through it.
Speaker 1:Um, I honestly thought I was going to have to do so many solo episodes. I worked for nine months before I started recording of just writing down topics I would want to talk about, but I love that I haven't had to dip into them because so many people wanted to come on as guests. Uh, I'm just blown away by the beautiful people that have came on and opened up. I can honestly say that I'm proud of every episode that we've put out because the guests have been so brilliant, which is proof that you just have to start things Like you're never going to be ready to have a baby, you're never going to be ready to do the new thing. So if you just start, if you build it, they will come. And one big lesson I've learned is that whenever I'm nervous, I just have to tell myself I'm excited and I can use that in so many aspects of life Like nope, this isn't nerves, this is excitement. So that's what I've been telling myself all day. So now I'm just going to get into some updates from my last solo episode. I'm just somebody who's always seeking to grow, and so I've just been writing down insights and epiphanies. May 5th is the last time I recorded a solo episode and today is September 4th, so four months. And the last solo episode was called Sweet Surrender, because I decided to go a year with no desserts and I did make it two months without any. It was really only the first week. That was hard, like two days out of that first week. Then it got pretty easy for two months, and where I think I started to go wrong was after two months.
Speaker 1:I started having these mango, these gummies. They're called Soli fruit gummies and I do want to promote them because they are really healthy. They're called solely fruit gummies and I do want to promote them because they are really healthy. They're just fruit Um. I use the Yuka app to scan barcodes and it rates foods on um a scale of how good they are for you, and it's the only thing that I found that is a hundred out of a hundred good for you. But I started eating them in an unhealthy way after meals. It was like my sweet thing and I'd eat like four or five packs and like wasn't tasting them and was just it was like back to that never enough mind state that I was trying to overcome in the first place. I wasn't enjoying them, it just felt like I was back to where I was.
Speaker 1:And I made it 4th of July weekend at some parties not cheating. Well, except I did go to Duluth and I was planning on spending the night. So I was like, okay, this is a vacation. I said I'd eat desserts on vacation, get to Duluth for a concert. Last minute we decided not to stay, so I had kind of cheated right there, but otherwise made it through 4th of July, july weekend, without cheating.
Speaker 1:And then that next week I was really stressed out about a gathering I was trying to put together. There was like eight of us going to barbecue but there was somebody that I was meeting, new for the first time, that I really wanted to impress and I really wanted this person to like me. So I was just really worked up about it and everything kept falling through. And that's a problem for me, that's a trigger for me when things fall through, like the weather wasn't good, and then we put it this restaurant and somebody didn't want to go to that restaurant. And when I got home that night I sat there and thought, well, do I eat this dessert in my fridge? That was supposed to be for the barbecue? And I thought about it for a little bit and then I just I did. I went and ate it but I thought, what am I going to learn from this now? Like there has to be something good coming out of this. I have to gain something for the future. I can't just sit here feeling bad for myself.
Speaker 1:And then I had the thought well, what if I practice eating this without shame? Because I was so much more stressed than normal and it was like my brain took over to get back to homeostasis. I had learned that in a podcast diary of a CEO with dopamine expert, anna Lemke, that our brain shut off all rational thoughts so that we can get back to normal, back to homeostasis, and it was like my stress was so high. I think this decision was just like overtaking me to just get back to level. But she explained how we should have more empathy for ourselves and what blocks empathy Shame Every time. So again, what if I practice eating this without shame? What if I don't let myself convince myself that I'm a failure now? And then I went to sleep and in the morning I started scrolling through podcasts to listen to, and the one I turned on was called Six Powerful Lessons Nature Teaches Us About being Human.
Speaker 1:Zach Bush was the guest on the Know Thyself podcast and it ended up being about shame and letting it go. That wasn't even in the title, but that's where, like I knew, I knew this had all happened for a reason for me to keep growing, and so it just all played out how it was supposed to, and I'll get back to what he said about that. But then, with the meditating, I also said in that episode that I was going to meditate every day outside for a year and I didn't keep up with that. I'm still meditating a lot. I did have a psychic tell me that he didn't think I should stick to just the meditating outside. He thought I should practice different ones. And I am transcendental meditation. Sometimes I listen to guided ones, some just music, sometimes silence, and I even practice walking meditation where you're just listening to your footsteps. Eating meditation where you're just savoring the food.
Speaker 1:So, again, failing at that, but just not letting shame win. I'm not going to let my ego hold me hostage and control me and be like a narcissistic partner or family member or friend, bringing you down so that they can get to you and get you to do whatever they want you to do by controlling you with these invasive thoughts. That's what the ego does. With these invasive thoughts, that's what the ego does. So also the I wanted to bring up that the best podcast I've ever listened to about meditating was also on diary of a CEO and he had a Buddhist monk on and they really explained it in a great way how everyone thinks that they're bad at meditating. But you can't be bad at it because it's literally just observing what thoughts come in, and you might not get better at it day to day, but like every week, you, if you meditate it every day, you would see like a significant change. So anyone who thinks that they're not good at it, don't let yourself believe that. And I said I had made some friends, um, through this podcast already and shout out to my new friend, sheila we meditated together. And anybody who'd like to meditate online or in person, get a hold of me. I would love to meditate with you.
Speaker 1:So what Zach Bush said in the episode that I watched the next morning after eating that dessert, he said stop trying to find a sacred place like a mountain or an experience or a ceremony. Every place is sacred. In our bodies we can change our biology. We can lose the genes of fear, guilt and shame. So and I could I can lose the gene of shame if I just start practicing eating without it. I think At that point I started eating.
Speaker 1:I was still trying to keep up with it though. So I started eating dessert, maybe like once a week, never on purpose, it was always I let something get to me. But every time I did tell myself I'm going to eat this without shame. This time and I think I got better and better and better at it over the next two months. I also started fasting then and only eating one meal a day, which made it a lot easier to not have the temptations, because my thing with desserts is like I want something sweet after every meal. Well, when I was only eating one meal a day, it was like okay, then there's only one time a day. I had to fight it and when I failed, I just told myself I'm I'm doing this without shame, I'm not gonna let myself have shame, and I think it's is really sticking.
Speaker 1:Um, I went to Chicago with my son last weekend and the funny thing about vacations for me is I'm such a foodie that that's usually the main point of the traveling, and my best friend, barry, and I, who travel a lot together, like seven, eight years ago we were in Turkey traveling with a girl we had never traveled with before that. We didn't know that well, and on the first day she's like we're only gonna eat once a day, right, to save money. And me and Barry are like, um, no, we're gonna eat like three to four times a day. We have to get in all the food that we can possibly get. But this, this trip in Chicago, because I had been eating one meal a day, I like decided, okay, let's do two. But I didn't even.
Speaker 1:I wasn't even craving like that three to four meals a day, cause I was also thinking about, like, the scarcity mindset of when you're traveling, like, oh, I'm never going to have the opportunity to eat this specific food again, but the food's always going to be there. You're not lacking, the universe doesn't lack anything. That food will always be there. I can always come back. I could start planning another trip to come back. We went to a White Sox game and we just had deep dish pizza. I was completely satisfied, completely full. But when they're walking around with those hot dogs and relish and everything smelling so good and I wanted one, so bad. But I went back to the scarcity mindset. No, I can, I can plan a trip back down here, even if it's in five years. That can be the goal that get a hot dog at a baseball game.
Speaker 1:Um, so on that trip, I never overate. I enjoyed every bite, I felt fulfilled and I practiced eating without shame and I am not perfect. So the day we got back from Chicago we also had a fantasy football draft party at a friend's house and everybody made all of my favorite foods. I swear the universe was out to sabotage me. I overate until I could barely walk. So, yes, I'm human, that happens. I was thinking, okay, the next time this happens I can prepare myself and maybe say I'm not going to eat Katie's chicken buffalo dip, but I'm going to ask her to make it next month for me and have me over. You know, just like. Then I can stay away from that food and just focus on some of the other foods and just don't need to eat everything like crazy.
Speaker 1:But the next day I didn't fall out of routine. I got right back into it because again I was practicing eating without shame and I think the fact that I'm seeking out letting go of shame has just put me on a path to let go of it. On a deeper level, I started seeing a new therapist who is helping me right away. Like first session huge epiphanies, great things. The second week we started talking about ADHD. He had stopped me 10 minutes into our first session and said did you ever get diagnosed with ADD when you were growing up? And I said no, I was the kind of kid I could sit still, but my brain couldn't, so I couldn't pay attention to anything the teachers were saying.
Speaker 1:Math didn't make sense to me. Nothing in school worked out for me at such a young age and the biggest question I've had since I've been an adult is why do I overdo everything? Why do I overeat, overdrink, oversmoke, like I have this never enough mindset and I think that goes back to not feeling worthy or good enough as a child from grade school, because I wasn't doing good in the classes and the teachers didn't know where to put me. I didn't fit into their boxes, my personal talents weren't recognized. And even as an adult, I feel like a horrible person all the time because I can't pay attention to certain topics. Like my family owns a pole shed business, but when they're getting into the engineering of pole buildings, no matter how bad I try, I just cannot focus. I cannot pay attention.
Speaker 1:Shout out to Seth, my friend that came on my other podcast about leadership and Sherman, and he was talking about insurance and I just for the. He did a really good job and I could pay attention better than anybody else talking about insurance, but I just, I just feel the shame because I can't pay attention. And now realizing that it's more my brain's fault than my fault. It's not that I don't care about these people. And Seth is booked to come on Supernot in a couple months, and I know I'm going to be locked in every word he has to say, because that's the thing about ADHD people is, when it's something that they're passionate about, they are completely locked in on the conversation. So can't wait for that, seth, but anyways, there's way better podcasts out there about ADHD. It's just that my point is, once I started seeking the release of shame, I started finding new ways to let go of it, and another thing that I've been thinking about that I'd written down I wanted to talk about is the four tendencies framework, and thank you to my beautiful friend Erin for reminding me of it.
Speaker 1:It, the framework, came from Gretchen Rubin. She came up with these four tendencies on how we all respond to expectations. So we all have outer and inner expectations. Outer expectation would be uh, showing up to school on time, making your boss happy, um, picking your kid up from daycare, like they, they're waiting for you, like you're going to make it there, you're going to be there. And inner expectation is like okay, I'm only going to eat this food today, or I'm going to wake up tomorrow morning and work out. So those are the two types of expectations we all have, and she found four groups that we all that we were born having.
Speaker 1:So the four groups are the upholder and they can meet both inner and outer expectations easily. They can make their boss happy just as easily as they can stick to their own goals, and the obliger is someone who can only meet outer. They need external accountability. The questioner is somebody who can only meet inner. They meet outer if it makes sense to them, but otherwise, if they say I'm going to wake up and run tomorrow, they do. The rebel resists all expectations. So if you tell them to do something, they won't. If you say you should to a rebel, they definitely will not do it. They'll be like you're not the boss of me, I'm not even the boss of me, and in all four tendencies you lean towards one other one in the circle.
Speaker 1:So I thought I was an obliger for the past five years. I started listening to her podcast in 2020, and I just assumed I was an obliger, because if I tell somebody I'm meeting them, I'm always there. I don't cancel plans, but I can't stick to my own goals, I can say I'm waking up and working out, but I like literally never do. But now, since Aaron reminded me about it and getting back into it, I had the hugest epiphany that I'm actually a rebel, because anything anybody's ever told me I should do, I haven't. Um, I think the reason I thought I was an obliger is because I agree with not canceling plans, like that's important to me in a on a different level. Um, it made sense. It makes sense to me not to cancel plans, but my whole life. If something hasn't made sense to me, I won't do it. Um, and I realized this because, um, my mom, I had this vision back to being like six or seven years old and my mom telling me that I shouldn't leave a glass of water out overnight and then drinking it.
Speaker 1:I don't know why she said that. She probably didn't mean it, she probably just said it in passing, but at six or seven years old I went and poured a glass of water, put it next to my bed and couldn't wait to wake up in the morning and drink it, because she told me not to. So it's like oh okay, you shouldn't do drugs. Well, that doesn't make sense to me as a young person. I was like, I don't know, drugs sound actually kind of mind expanding. You shouldn't get married, that just. Or you should get married Like that just didn't make sense to me.
Speaker 1:So I've rebelled against all of these things that people have told me I should do. Even my mom I can remember her saying at the dinner table put your shoulders back. And I would be like, oh, and scrunch my shoulders forward, because anything somebody tells me I should do, I'm not going to do unless it makes sense to me. But the reason I think this is important to understand and realize is because now I can go back to those things and be like I actually do see value in that. I actually do see why that makes sense. So change the framework of my brain. I'm also a people pleaser, so that's why I thought I learned towards lean towards the obliger. But she talks about how this is just one aspect of your personality, like there's so many other things that are involved with it. But please check her out, gretchen Rubin.
Speaker 1:This info has helped me so much and that's why I wanted to share it, because now I actually understand other people around me too and I never say you should do this to anybody, even if it's as a joke, because if they're a rebel or a questioner, they're not going to be able to handle that and they are going to rebel against what you're saying. Um, uh, so yeah, that is what I wanted to talk about. Um, the last thing I want to leave you guys with, since Supernaut explores the inner and outer worlds of self, just a reminder that your outer world is always responding to the energetic blueprint within you. Your outer world is always responding to the energetic blueprint within you. And also, please subscribe, please share. I want to be able to keep doing this and that's all I really need from anybody. And please reach out if you want to come on.
Speaker 1:A lot of people say, oh, I won't have anything good to talk about, but it's my job to pull the good information out of you and get you to open up. My superpower has always been seeing the good in people. I love and adore everybody I've ever met and I believe in people too, and I can take any interaction we've ever had and turn it into a conversation. So, thank you again, so much. It just means the world to me, all the love I've gotten, and love you, thank you.