Supernaut

Sobriety, Love, And Running Marathons: From Party Nights to Peace

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The moment that changed everything wasn’t a courtroom or a rock-bottom headline. It was a quiet afternoon, a missed call, and a choice to dial a number, board a plane, and walk into detox with nothing but a robe and a promise. Kati Koch joins us to trace how a life built around bars, league nights, and “functioning” unraveled into daytime drinking—and how a single decisive week opened a door to lasting sobriety, deeper love, and a body that could carry her through 26.2 miles with joy.

We talk through the subtleties of high-functioning addiction: the social validation that hides a downward slide, the guilt after divorce, and the isolation that comes with masking everything so well that even close friends don’t see the truth. Kati shares the clinical realities of detox, the vivid dreams and sweats, and the relief of feeling her brain clear by day three. She didn’t choose AA; instead, she built a sustainable path with sober TikTok, strength and running, and a partner who quit alongside her. The result is more than abstinence—it’s freedom from chaos, honest communication with her kids, and three promotions at work fueled by a sharper mind and steady habits.

If you’ve wondered about “high-functioning alcoholism,” “how to know when to quit drinking,” or “sobriety without AA,” this story delivers practical insights and lived proof. We dig into training mistakes and race strategy, why Twin Cities felt like flying compared to a humid Duluth, and how long runs turned into mental hygiene—games, presence, and a well-timed rest cycle to protect joy. Most of all, Kati reclaims identity: fierce, radiant, sincere, and authentic, without needing alcohol to light the spark. Hit play, share with someone who needs hope, and if this conversation resonates, subscribe, rate, and leave a review—your support helps others find their way to it.

SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to Supernaut, where we explore the inner and outer dimensions of the self. Today my guest is Katie Cook. Katie used to pick me up for high school at this exact location where we are recording. Back then she had this larger-than-life energy full of excitement and adventure, but now 1286 days sober from alcohol. She has that same energy, but it's grounded, radiant, and entirely her own. So I asked you to pick a song for us to listen to before we started. What song did you pick?

SPEAKER_03:

Yep. So I picked Quitter by Cameron Whitcomb. Cameron is a Canadian singer that actually was on American Idol in season 20, which I did not know him from. He made it to the top 20, but did not make it to the 10. But because of his time on the show, he started to get recognized. Then he blew up on TikTok, which is where I actually saw him in my early days of recovery while on sober TikTok. So he, the song I picked, I like all of them. And honestly, this isn't even my favorite one, but I picked it because I listened to it on repeat for months in the first few months of sobriety. He has this energy, he's he's been an addict. He's in recovery now, but he's been he was an addict since he was 12. And he's super open about his sobriety and like about the things that he went through, which are very raw and real. And he's got the energy of a child. Um, he's my spirit animal, honestly, on the stage. He's sweating and jumping around. And he's so you've seen him in person? No, I I keep telling my husband that we should go. Um, I feel like he's on the smaller end that you wouldn't pay so much, and like you could probably get into a small venue, but he is touring. Um, so yeah, he's he's out pretty awesome.

SPEAKER_00:

That's amazing. He talks about losing friends. Did you lose any friends when you yeah?

SPEAKER_03:

He talks about losing friends that he used to trust, um, which is so yeah, you lose a you lose a lot of people in your life. Um, and you'll hear that a lot in recovery. You probably talk to a handful of people compared to all the friends that we used to have. I mean, everybody was your best friend, but were they really your best friend? And um, and then the ones that stay, you have this guilt of how you used to treat them or how they used to view you. So, like, that song talks about living with that guilt and like going through that and and proving to be a better person, not just saying it, but you know, living that way.

SPEAKER_00:

Cause did you lose more people because you had to distance yourself from them, or they didn't want to hang out with you because you weren't that fun, like not that you're not fun, but that like extravagant, fun, drunk person buying shots and partying.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, I think it was more on my side. I I feel like not only was it, you know, three and a half years ago that I got rid of alcohol, drugs, any substance that I have not done any anything, I haven't smoked weed or anything, but uh with that was also getting rid of anybody that I didn't feel bettered me in any way, shape, or form. So I always I always tell people I'm sober from toxic people, toxic environments, and substances.

SPEAKER_02:

So yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Um, and the friends, friends get quieter. I've heard that on many of your shows, and that's very common. They don't want to say the wrong thing. They want either they they don't want to include you because they don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. I think it's more that than them like thinking you're no fun. So a lot of people just stop talking to you, but I feel like I stopped talking to a lot of people, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

So it goes both ways, but it's hurtful both ways too.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I mean, it's hard to tell those people no that want to hang out with you, but you're like, even if you're just a little bit toxic, it's just too much. Yeah. Yep.

SPEAKER_02:

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00:

So let's go back to when you first started drinking and just go through the whole thing. Well, I mean, I was class partier. Yeah, me too. Yeah, 2003. Remember me you and Katie had your nest, and like us three all were class parties.

SPEAKER_03:

It's just it was a part of my life in every way, shape, or form. I was the, you know, achievement, you're gonna drink. It was a Tuesday, you're gonna drink, you're in every activity, any bar. Um, our generation grew up going to the bars. I mean, that's what we did. The bars were packed, they're not that way anymore. Um, I see these kids at the gym, and I'm just like so proud that they're just growing up a little bit differently than we are. Um, you would not find me on a Friday night at the at the gym.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and they always have sober cabs too. Like even when I was still bar bartending, you never had to worry about them driving, they were so much more responsible.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, I I know. Us and us older millennials. I mean, it was Dart League and bowling and anything. Every night of the week. Every single night. So, you know, that continued on through my 20s, and then, you know, I was also a bartender and a bar owner and lived in the bars. I mean, it was just what you did. And then, you know, we bought a house with a bar in the basement, and it was like people coming over all the time, and you I didn't know any different.

SPEAKER_00:

And I wouldn't give up those memories. No, and did you black out? No, I was really, yeah, because I didn't think so, because you weren't a sloppy drunk.

SPEAKER_03:

No, no, but I think that was the problem too. Like, I don't know, I masked really well too, and I I maintained a pretty normal life, like stable life, until it caught up, and we'll get to that. But like, yeah, so during my 20s, it was just normal. I felt like social, everybody was doing it. I didn't ever feel pure, I was probably the leader. My mom's like, Well, would you do that if you, you know, would you jump off a bridge if that your friend did? And I'd be the I no, I'd be the one doing it first. Right. Like, I I felt that I do you know how many parents still tell me, like, I didn't want my kid to hang out with you and I saw and that makes me sad. But I thought it was pretty cool and you were so pretty energetic, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Um you were so fun to be around, and you still are, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And then and then the drinking kind of turned to a coping thing. Um, when I went through my divorce, um I was not a good person. And I and I instead of working on things that I should have we should have worked on in that marriage, um, you know, I was I lied and I I was unfaithful to him. And he we just we just had a lot of issues. And not saying that that if if we would have talked about it, we would have stayed married. I don't think we're we were each other's people. We're just, you know, now that I've found my person, I feel like it makes more sense. I just wish I would have handled it differently. And then after all the guilt had me spiraling out of control. I mean, drinking, putting myself into really bad situations with really terrible people. A terrible relationship that we weren't good to each other. I mean, I can't even blame like that relationship on just a sole person. Like, I just feel like I self-sabotaged and I just so then that was probably a good four years, which got more into drug use. It wasn't just alcohol and and just anything that could quiet my mind. And then I never worked through the cause, you know, like why did I do that and why did this end? And why did I, you know, split up my family? And so then you're just living with that, and you just can't. So by the time, by the time I realized that issue, and I know you've asked this question like, are there other times that you've wanted to stop? Not really. I feel like when I really wanted to stop, I did.

SPEAKER_00:

Because you were maintaining your job, it wasn't like you lost custody of your kids.

SPEAKER_03:

No, um, everything, I I really truly think I masked well, and now I look back and I don't even know how I did it. Like, I was always really good at my job. I had this, like, when I got sober, there were so many people that were like, I didn't even know you had an issue. Like, I had no idea. People were thinking that like my mom forced me into my ex forced me into getting sober. Like, they were all because I didn't have an issue. Like they were they were thinking somebody made me admit this thing that wasn't true because I managed, like you said. Like it was, I always had a career, um, I didn't get into any trouble with the law. There was several times where I'd have personal challenges, like, I'm gonna go no weekdays, no drinking. But that only probably started like a year before I quit. I mean, so you're talking 37 years old. Um, so drank all the way most in my 30s. Um I'm trying to do the math. Yeah, like 36. I quit. So like I never was that person that was like kept trying. I just, I don't know, but I like kept seeing myself get worse and worse. Worse. I couldn't stick with the weekday thing. Like, I it would just, and then it was Thursdays, and then you're driving, and it just I kept getting lucky that nothing ever happened, but it just got worse and worse and worse.

SPEAKER_00:

And you could tell it was getting worse, but you just kind of ignored it, or um I could tell that I was calling in a little bit more to work.

SPEAKER_03:

Um, I was needing help getting the boys from Mora because I had got my own apartment, which I thought was the greatest thing because I never lived on my own. I'm just like hopped, I just hopped like relationship to relationship, and like I was finally in a place where I could afford my own place. And the place that I unfortunately got um was a triplex in Cambridge, and both neighbors were drug users, and I didn't know that when I rent, and rent is so expensive, and it was the only place I could find. So I had these unusual neighbors downstairs and a single guy that lived upstairs that worked odd hours and didn't want any kids talking. Um, so I had found myself over in this place without my children half the time and all this time to just drink. So then I started drinking during the day and I couldn't even pick the boys up because I'd have to tell, you know, I'd have to get help because I couldn't drive in the middle of the day. So, what did you call friends to uh help you by uh Emma Kevin a lot? So he knew I was going through some stuff, and he uh he had helped me move into this place, and I just like had this brand new start, and I was just ruining it. Like I finally just like had this time where I got to spend spend it with the boys, and I was you know, I was there for them when they were there. So I was always that mom that was like, I don't feel like I was a bad mom when I was a drinker. Like I've always but I'm such a better mom now, but yeah. So then I started realizing it was starting to affect work a little bit. Um, I had a co-worker call my mom because she couldn't get a hold of me. And she uh she lived in New Mexico, and she remembered that I said that my mom worked where where she worked. So she like found the number and called her and had her call the cops and have a well check because I was sleeping, and they barged in to my apartment, and I was sleeping middle of the day with a bottle of vodka next to my bed. So that was about a week before I went to detox. And I but prior to that, I just really didn't think about quitting. Like it just like kind of hit me like it it can go so fast too. You can go from a social drinker to down the rabbit hole in a blink of an eye.

SPEAKER_00:

So um so what was that week like between them finding you and deciding to go to detox?

SPEAKER_03:

Um I was working a shift uh at a bar um and I ended up walking out mid-rush. Didn't want to do it anymore. I was just like, I don't know, I was just like not in a good state of mind, and I just drank the entire way back to Cambridge and then continued to shut myself off for an entire weekend. Um and by the end, I could drink an entire bucket of fireball shooters in a day. Vodka straight. I don't know why everybody goes to vodka either. It's like people I think that they can't smell the cinnamon anymore, and then maybe like they think that vodka's more but it seems to a lot of stories you hear they go from beer to booze, shots, to vodka, straight vodka out of a coffee mug.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I think all alcohols are different spirits, so maybe vodka just has that overtaking spirit.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, it did it did the trick. Um, so I ended up going online.

SPEAKER_00:

Now, could you imagine like taking a shot of vodka?

SPEAKER_03:

No. No, and I don't have any cinnamon candles. I do not. You hear that meme about like alcohol, like Becky, that's I don't remember. Yeah. Becky, that's cinnamon, not yeah, in that meme.

SPEAKER_00:

That's yeah, that's cinnamon flavor, not fireball flavor.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, yeah. So uh I ended up going online and uh I don't even know what website. I was completely drunk and going online and just searching like detoxes in the area, which the first website took me to this like 1-800 number that I called, and this lady was like, you know, we can get you in, you know, we'll get you on a flight. And I'm like, a flight? And they're like, Yeah, um, the place is in Boston. And I kept thinking, like, you know, wouldn't I just go to the hospital or like, but you're gonna go to Boston? So it's it's such a blur because I left pretty quickly, and I and I didn't want to tell a lot of people, but for some reason I thought, I'm gonna take accountability, I'm gonna post this on Facebook, which was I ended up deleting it, but like several lots of people saw it.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and I can see that being smart. What's that accountability?

SPEAKER_03:

And yeah, so there was a part of me that was like, I'm gonna tell everybody. So then that caused like this big whirlwind. So when I got to the airport, they must set up some type of support where they know where you're going. So you don't have to do any check-in or security. I mean, they have somebody walk with you. I've never, it was so awesome now that I think about it, but like, so we get on this plane and they actually brought booze to me because they don't want to risk like going into seizures, you know.

SPEAKER_00:

So, what was the phone call like? And I want to go back even further quick, though. Like that decision, did it just pop in your head, like I'm just gonna look up detox, or were you like really in a bad state of mind where you're like, I have to do something, something needs to change.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, there's actually, I kind of did skip over some of that. So, like during all these things that I were noticing that were getting worse and worse and worse, I had also like started dating Jamie, who is the most amazing human in the entire planet. Like, I couldn't even say more good things about him. He is just like, but I couldn't let him see me or be with me because I know how self-sabotage, like I'm I would ruin anything. I would like you loved him so much already that you're like and he was so like such a good human, and I hadn't had that in like so long, and he was so selfless. And so we had been dating a little bit, but I had kind of still been talking to my ex at the time too, and I just kept kept seeing like I'm gonna go back, and it wasn't just my ex, but like the lifestyle. I'm gonna just end up keep going back, and I don't want Jamie to have to go through this, he like doesn't deserve it. So, like I had to, I had to make a change, so like that was yeah, like I had to go and I had to go now. And I kept reading these stories like about detox, and like I kind of felt like I was to the point where I need to detox. Like, I couldn't even go half a day without shaking, so like, and keep in mind this started only a month or two before where it got to the shakes, where it got to the like where my body was in my mind, but yeah, so random website they talked about they took a payment and insurance card and I couldn't remember my social security number because I was so like I I could not remember it. Um that same week, I don't think I've even told anybody the story, but I I I couldn't get into my apartment with the code that I said, and I had to call my third grader Mason at the time, probably fourth. Fifth grader. So I had to call to school to get him to come to the office to tell me the code to get in, which by the way, he brought up three months probably after I was sober, which made me cry so hard. I mean, and he said it nice, but we'll get to the after part, but all these things, I'm like, we gotta make a change. So I'm on this plane and my Facebook status is going nuts. I'm getting the nicest messages from people, but I'm also getting a bunch of people saying, like, you don't even have a problem. I don't know who's making you do this, I don't know why you're doing this. And they gave me a shooter. I remember there was they were like, what do you want to drink? And now I look back and it's because of that. I mean, they don't want you to get sick like in the air. So I got there late, and I remember I wanted to stop at the gas station for cigarettes at the time because I'm gonna be going into this place, and my cards wouldn't work because you're in I had some out-of-state restrictions, so just everything's a mess. And we get there, and they have to do a bunch of blood work, they like take pictures of your tattoos. It's like kind of feels that you're changing, you're not wearing many clothes, they're looking you over. I blew like a point two after hours. I mean, with only one shooter, I mean, you just it was it was it was pretty bad. And they take your phone and you're wearing the flip-flop, like the no jewelry, no makeup, no like a robe and flip-flops like that. Kind of type, yeah. So that was quite a bit quite an experience. I mean, so they give you mad set help with the withdrawals. I had really bad dreams. The first I was sweating, just sweating. I'll never forget that. I had a dream about drowning, and I woke up and I was just sweating all that, all those toxins out. And um, by the third day, you're sober. I mean, you're you're feeling better, and then but you stay for a week. And they push for you to stay for 30 days. I needed to get back to work. Um, I needed to get back to the kids and stuff, and I felt so bad taking a week even. Um, I met some really great people that I still talk to a few. Most of them have relapsed. Um, I have not, like, not even not even close. Like, not even no desire. So detox was definitely a lifesaver. Um, I opted out of the 30-day program. I have not done any sort of after. I love hearing your podcasts about like AA and different, because we all recover differently. Um I think AA is great. Um, it's not for me. I'm not super spiritual, I'm not super religious, but I do genuinely want to just live better. I never want to ever have that pain, like live in that. It's like not one part of me that's even wanting to look back. Honestly. Most people just like have a tough time in recovery a lot. I mean, it is it is hard, the loneliness, but I just never want to feel like that ever sing ever again. I have a picture from that day on the oh yuck. So, yes, detox.

SPEAKER_00:

So, has there been any hard days? Um, or was there in the beginning? Or you were just like, I mean, we're gonna get to your boards later, and I think that'll kinda help everybody know how you did this so quickly.

SPEAKER_03:

But um, yeah, so I also feel like it is so awesome that there's so many stories about sobriety now. This podcast has just lit up my life. Like, I hear new people, and I'll have people reach out and be like, what's your favorite NA beer? or or you know, like just all these questions. And I really related to what you said about like at one point you weren't ready to like help people. That was in a recent one. Um, I was quiet for a while. I I openly talked about it, but I don't think I was ready to um help people for a while. Um, but the first I'd say six months was that lonely. You have so much time. You spend so like I spent so much time thinking about where I was gonna drink, thinking about what I was gonna be doing, worried about what everyone else is doing all the time. I had this like FOMO my entire life. I know I don't care about what anyone's doing.

SPEAKER_00:

When I bartended and like my friends that wouldn't come in the bar, I would get so upset. Like, why can't you come see me? Now I'm like, I'm sorry, I don't want to go to the bar for the rest of my life, I just don't want that energy. You know what I mean? Like, but that's all I wanted before. Like, I couldn't understand why people want it. I would see snap stories and I'd feel a little sad.

SPEAKER_03:

At first, do you still um once in a while? So I feel like once I got through the uncomfortable stage where I was like, don't want to relapse, I don't want to be around it, you know, like feeling a little bit like why can these people handle it? But are some of them handling it? Probably not, but like why there are some people that just don't have an issue. And I'm I I have no judgment that people are going to the bars, so I don't want to. I just couldn't believe how much time that that was taking. And not to mention like feeling like crap the whole next day. So that time too. Like I haven't been I haven't been hung over in three and a half years. I and I couldn't even imagine like um ever being hung over again. So yeah, six months. I'd say six months. Now I see snaps. I think it's more like like these girls' trips. I don't have like a group of girls. Like I have Kim, and she is by far enough, but like and she will do things with me, but like these girls' trips, you know, like I don't have a group of girls anymore.

SPEAKER_00:

They don't text like there's community in drinking and going to buy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Even like little things like meat raffle or bingo, or like I don't get asked to do that, which is okay, because you know, I probably wouldn't go, and they probably know that. Um, I have a really busy life too. I don't even know how I would have maintained what I do drinking. My life is go, go, go.

SPEAKER_00:

So did you replace it with anything when you got out? I mean, I was already a gym goer for sure.

SPEAKER_03:

And I've I've tried the running thing. I was a runner in 16 and 17. Um, but I always feel like it was holding me back. Like I was the classic, like, I'm gonna run a marathon. I'm going to, you know, do this anytime challenge that's the summer challenge, but I would never complete it when I was a drinker. Like the mornings you didn't want to go, and you just kind of I kind of just half-assed everything. So I feel like quitting just opened up like all that. I mean, I've pretty much completed everything that I wanted to, I think. So I think I filled it with Jim more, just more intense, and then obviously running and just hanging with Jamie.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

So they add to this story too. Jamie um actually, we weren't even officially dating when I went to detox. And he he quit the day I left. And Jamie didn't have a rock bottom. He he didn't. Like he, that's why we all just like, you don't even have to quit. If you just want to like feel like better in your life, and anyway, not just alcohol. Like, I not not if there's something that's holding you back, or or you just feel like you could do better without it. Um, like it's not being in recovery isn't just for people that were sitting on the kitchen floor like me crying all the time. And so Jamie just quit.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And he uh to support you, he had no problems after either, and I envied that a little bit. Like he just was went on with life, and so that was yeah, that was, but it was he was such a role model.

SPEAKER_00:

So I think like I filled my time with him, and we were new, you know, new relationships, and well, I think your personality has so much to do with that. Why it took the week instead of longer, but also yeah, having a new relationship and then just making that hobby stronger of going to the gym.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, and I got a dog. I never had a dog. I heard it I sober TikTok, oh yeah, dopamine bursts of reels filled my brain. Um, sober tick tock was amazing. Then I started making a few sober tick tocks, and then people reach out, and it's a great community. Um, I would say sober reading. I've wanted to do that. Um, unfortunately, my ADHD kind of makes reading hard, and and I keep hearing to switch to audio, and I should do that. Um, videos are easy for easier for me to follow. So but I hear reading is something I definitely want to try to take on more, but being outside as much as I was oh, I I didn't even want to go in. So those are kind of some things, nothing really bad though.

SPEAKER_00:

Like a lot of people will go to spend a little bit more money or right, you know, or gamble or do something that's like yeah, replace it with something that's almost just as bad or as bad.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. So again, I think your personality had so much to do with it, and then like getting into that hobby, making the gym.

SPEAKER_03:

I probably annoyed my children a lot more because I I don't miss the practice. Um, I'm like, you could just drop them off, but I go because I have that's my life. Like, I I call Kevin and I'm like, hey, can I pick up the boys? I know it's not my time. Like, I'm over practice. He's like, you need a life. I was like, this is my life. Um, so I I heavily, I mean, I'm I'm so involved with their lives, like a chaperone. I do as much as I humanly can kind of help, I don't coach, but I'm there, and so they got a lot of my time. They helped me so, so very much training.

SPEAKER_00:

What's been your favorite run or race that you've done?

SPEAKER_03:

Ooh, Twin Cities was fantastic. So, one, because I loved grandma's. I did, and I'm doing grandma's him in, and it's their 50th anniversary, and they filled the slots in hours.

SPEAKER_02:

Wow.

SPEAKER_03:

So, um, obviously, I had done halves, a lot of halves, um, prior, and then grandma's was great. You don't know what to expect. It's a lot harder than I kept thinking like you're gonna train, and the training's the hard part. And I even said, like, oh, the training's down, now it's just celebration day. No, the race was hard, it was humid. Um, I was I went slower than I thought I was going to, and I'm like, I set a goal and I I bash myself if I don't get to it. So, but I wasn't discouraged. I mean, I ran 26 miles. I mean, under 1% of the population has done that.

SPEAKER_00:

Right.

SPEAKER_03:

It is far, it's amazing, no other feeling. That finish line is like it's gold. Um, twin cities was my favorite because I had continued to train and I was more ready, and I was hydrated. All the things that I I knew that I need to work on. I had done by the book. Um, and then I just got to enjoy it more. Like, I I I kept reminding myself, like, look around. You know, these people come out, the crowds, the signs, everything they're giving out, like pickles and candy, and you know, biofreeze, and they're they're just like, it's it's a whole atmosphere.

SPEAKER_00:

What's your favorite part of running? Is it that like community?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, that so I'm a I'm a solo runner other than races. Um, there's a few people that are like, oh, we'll run together, like let's plan that. And I just a little cringe because I need, you know, what we have four kids and there's a lot going on all the time.

SPEAKER_00:

And it it's and now that I don't do any, like, I don't have a hot, like, I don't have any like you have a really active brain, so is that where you can go to get your brain to shut off? Yeah. How long are you running for before your brain gets there?

SPEAKER_03:

I don't even know if it really does, but it does help. Um sometimes. And I play a lot of games in my head, like I pretend a poll is like the finish line.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

So then the next poll, I'm like, okay, there's the new finish line.

SPEAKER_00:

Do you put your people there too? Yes. Turn you on?

SPEAKER_03:

That's that's or I play the alphabet game where I'm like, okay, I get a name.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Like a restaurant with A, and then I just go.

SPEAKER_00:

Or every time before you go out for a run, do you want to go and you're excited, or do you have to make yourself? Oh no, I want to. So the first time around, I didn't. So this that's different too.

SPEAKER_03:

Like I am pumped.

SPEAKER_00:

And then does your body, especially like in marathons, get really sore? And like, how do you fight through that pain?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, so Duluth was rough. So I saw Jamie at mile 18. He had biked like seven miles to see me at the closest. Duluth was also really hard because you're secluded for 14 miles when you were on the that um two harbors that nature, you know, the road that runs parallel to the freeway or whatever. Um, nobody's there except a few houses. So you were completely, and my earbuds died, or one of them didn't work. So I can't run or function without music, shower, nothing. So I'm like, okay. So by 18, I was hurting, and the problem was I stopped to talk to him. And once I stopped, I could not move my legs. So they had like max, they had like their most med tense full at this grandma's because it was so humid. So it was like yellow flagged, um, which is like cautious. Like um, that weekend at Mora was a hundred degrees when we got back for a grad party. Thankfully, like superior kind of brought, you know, the air conditioner, but like it was sticky. So that pain, and I was I didn't, I didn't hydrate well enough during once I hit 18, I couldn't put anything in my body. No water, no Gatorade, no tabs, no fuel. So I just stopped. Why couldn't you? Because I you get nauseous in the humid. Yeah. So you have to make yourself kind of that was that was the hard so for Twin Cities. I was prepared. I had taken salt tabs even when I didn't need to. Like I was, I was, I felt so good. So when Kim and Jamie saw me at the half, Jamie said I didn't even look like I had been running. Like I was just this different human. Like I was enjoying every second. I saw Alan Page from the Vikes like playing his uh tuba under a bridge. It was like awesome. The Vikings were playing. I had no idea what the score was. I kind of thought listening would make me either anxious, or I just needed my playlist, my music. So I was like, I didn't know. Um, but I was just enjoying like so much more. I was like eating anything and everything I saw.

SPEAKER_00:

Like were you living in the moment really well? And yeah, it was awesome.

SPEAKER_03:

There was kids at the 6.7 mile that were 6'7. Um, it was just like a whole, oh man, it was so awesome. And for Duluth, it was just like a blur because I was like so concerned, and it was all new, and I was just like, I barely remember any of it just because like I I don't know. Twin Cities, I like vowed I was gonna be, plus I felt better. Oh. So I saw them, or Kim had put a put a Facebook video on like that week, and she her son ran, Slade ran too. So, and it was his first. And just like I said at Duluth, because when I crossed the finish line, I was more sore than I've ever been in my entire life. And there's a video of me saying, like, I'll never do that again. And then three days later I signed up for Twin Cities. So Slade did the same thing. So I finished in front of him, and when he came in the front, he he told Kim that he was gonna run an ultra. He was like, That was so hard, but you know, I I think I'm and that is a perfect definition because that's like the emotions that I go through because the feeling is like no other.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And and she had said on that video that she was telling that story, and she also said, like, and my best friend, she PR'd by like 15 minutes, and she just was a whole different Katie. Like, she's like hooing and hollering. Plus, but when I you see the Capitol, it's amazing. It was beautiful outside, the weather was so perfect. It was like 65, but it was an overcast for a while. It rained for like little blurps of time where it was just enough to just like cool you down. Um, no humidity. And uh, you see the Capitol, and you come over the hill, and there's all these people, and I saw this big group of Vikings guys, like all in purple, and I yelled, What's the score? And they're like, We won! And so uh every picture of me is like it must be the best day. It was the best day, and I did I I I PR by 15 minutes, which is huge in running time.

SPEAKER_00:

I mean, it's not spent all that adrenaline, like just a perfect day.

SPEAKER_03:

I was less sore after um we went and ate after, and I hit Jamie had to help me out with a car, and you can't really go to the bathroom the first time, like when you're sitting down on the toilet. Oh yeah. But it wore off faster because my body was just in better shape. Unfortunately, I'm on a break right now. I I needed a break. Um, I had trained for nine months straight, and um not saying I'm not exercising, but like I'm just not running, and I'm gonna start back up again in January for Duluth. And I applied for the lottery to get into Chicago, which is a world major. I think there's like nine of them. They only take 20%. Um, it's not, they take like the elites.

SPEAKER_00:

Is it random or do they it's random? Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

So my times, my times for Boston, I'd have to be a seven-year-old woman to qualify with my times. It's like it's like super. But um, Chicago's random slottery. They used to only they used to take 50%, and now they have like 200,000 people.

SPEAKER_00:

When is it?

SPEAKER_03:

It's in October. So I wouldn't run Twin Cities, is my point. Like that, I love Twin Cities, but like the big fall ones, like who I think it'd be just so cool.

SPEAKER_00:

When do you find out? If you get in December.

SPEAKER_03:

The first week, I think. And if I'm if I don't get in there, I might try it for New York in in in November. That one just happened. And if I don't get into that the first time around, I'll probably do Twin Cities again in the fall and then try again. What world major would be? You're running with 50,000 people. They only take 20%.

SPEAKER_00:

Wow.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I'm glad that you're taking a break right now because with your intense personality, I could see you like, no, I'm just gonna keep training. You're sad after you're sad that you're gonna be.

SPEAKER_03:

What do I do? What do I do?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, like right. And again, all the chemicals, all the dopamine that comes with it, and yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Running people, running people are now you have to replace it with something else. Like Yeah, I gotta get back into the gym.

SPEAKER_03:

I do because I gave that up for a while. I was just running so much. And when you gotta find time, and you're going out and run 20 miles at a time. You gotta eat a lot. You got four hours, and you got youth football on Saturdays, and you got basketball, and you got you it was I think I read something that I was like, it's not hard to run a marathon, it's hard to find the time to train for a marathon. Like that's much harder, which is true.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I ran a few days this week.

SPEAKER_03:

Nice, it is awesome.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't think that's a good one.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, but I know people are like, I would never do that. I I I never ran. I didn't run until I was 32 years old. I skipped I skipped running the mile in high school to smoke cigarettes in the parking lot.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, like I right? Like I did not run for fun ever. When did you start? Right after high school, mid-20s?

SPEAKER_03:

I think when I was your boss. I mean, I'm talking back in the I was 32.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, but did you go through a stint in your early 20s or anything?

SPEAKER_03:

No, not until 32. Yeah. I didn't even start going to the gym until 2015, which is right before that. So luckily I just was naturally like just busy all the time and like stayed pretty fit, I guess, if if you call it that. Not not a lot of discipline, but until I got into yeah. Marathon training takes some discipline. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Seriously. So is there anything that you uh miss about like that you mourn about your own life old life? No. None. That's good.

SPEAKER_03:

I mean, people like I'll say, I'll I'll I'll make a a post about like the new me or like all these great things, which none of it is ever a lie. Like it's all gen genuine. And people say, like, why you weren't even a bad person back then? You had great traits. Well, I think that I'm still like the same, a lot of it's still the same. I just I don't think I was a very good person for a very long time. Like, um, it's these little things like like I don't think I've even told like a white lie in the last three and a half years. Like nothing I say is ever, and I was a lot, I I lied all the time. Like I was a liar, my dad's a liar, like we were. I just I was so secretive all the time, and I just like I have no secrets. I feel like I I tell Jamie sometimes, like, I'm gonna make a rumor up about myself because my life is so boring, but it's like such peace. I don't even look at it as boring. I have the most peaceful life right now. Like my worst day sober is better than almost every day drinking. The problems, like some will come up. My mom, my mom told me I didn't notice that about myself until my suburban tranny went out on Memorial Weekend on 35. Okay, so it's busy. We have all the kids full suburban, full of stuff for a weekend up there, and it just went out, not wouldn't move. So my mom was camping and she was the closest to me. So I was like, Can you pick me up? And number one, have you been drinking? Because like, I don't want to ruin your day if you're like, you know, nope, I'll come get you or whatever. And then we called a tow truck. And my mom said she couldn't believe it. She told me this later. She said, I got we I got in the car and all the kids, all these dinosaur toys, and all this stuff that we're bringing, and we're in a convertible and her Mustang. And Jamie and Jamie and Mason got in the tow truck and they went their way, and we were going home to get Jamie's truck and then repack up everything. And she said, You had no chaos in your voice. You you were like the most calm. It's like your car just broke down and it's gonna be thousands of dollars. These kids are overstimulating, and you know, like it everything, and the old Katie would have been, and she said, I'd just never seen you like that. And I love that story because I just handle things so much better. Nothing is that bad.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I feel like. Yeah, because you were chaotic, yeah, and you did lie, and you and I fell apart, and I always feel really bad for that. I wonder if there's anything I could have done. Is there anything you wish I would have done?

SPEAKER_03:

I really just needed to fix myself. I was so mad at friends that stopped talking to me at that point. I mean, it wasn't you weren't the only one. There were so many, and I of course I'm always I was always blaming everyone else. My dad does that too. Like, I was always blaming everybody, and I just like couldn't see that like I'm the problem, I was the problem. Like for a lot of it, I was the problem. I'm not gonna take blame for every single thing, but like yeah, I so I don't miss that. I don't miss so many things, and that wasn't just linked to drinking, but I feel like quitting drinking and during the whole like learning how to deal with all that with a clear head, and like that led to like looking at yourself in a different so I'm not just blaming like drink like drink all my problems back then weren't on drinking, it just definitely Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

On your 1255th day on Facebook, you put all of my most favorite things about my life today are a direct result of the fact that I got sober.

SPEAKER_03:

For sure. Like I I know I I always feel like people are probably reading stuff and be like, uh I'm and maybe they believe it, and it but could it be that good? I was like, I seriously am a if you only knew me back then, you don't know me at all now. Like I'm just like such a completely different human, and I just with everything, like I I don't know. I I feel like the benefits, I mean, you're talking not just the benefits of like clear skin, better sleep. I mean, I could go on and on about how much my life is better because it is, but it's just like all these the relationship I have with my kids right now, like I am so happy that they have me and have seen me. I hate that they they'll probably remember some of like that, but like I've been really open about my journey with them, and I couldn't have done it without them. And like just the relationship with them is better, and my co-parenting relationship is so much better. Like, like I said earlier, like we could write a book, we could. People have asked me, like, how do you co-parent so well? Because the boys come first, like the boys come first. We want and and and we care about each other, not in like a you know, overly way, but like I care about his well well-being, he cares about my well-being, and we we just we married each other for a reason, yeah. And we just were, and he's such a good dad, and like, and I like the argument stopped when I stopped drinking and let and the talking got better, and so my communication got better. I've got promoted at work three times since I've been sober. I was always a overachiever at work, but I felt like something was always holding me back from like taking the next step. It was and it's like, what is it?

SPEAKER_00:

I'm like, yeah, like the easiest, most simple thing ever quit drinking. But in the society until a couple years ago, like when it started getting popular and cool to get sober, like it didn't even cross your mind.

SPEAKER_03:

No, and and and and people say, Well, how did work get better?

SPEAKER_00:

Well, it's not like I was working or like drinking at work, like the problem was I wasn't like drinking at work, it was like you're feeling your digestive system, like your eyesight, like your like every part of your body when it's saturated with alcohol is gonna function differently and affect how you work.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, oh, and it's four o'clock, like I'm gonna get out of here because I gotta go. Yeah, all you're thinking about is clean and sick for a stupid reason. So, like that stopped. Plus, your brain gets clear. My brain, which is already not very clear with with with some ADHD stuff, but like I started like remembering more things. My memory was so shot. I mean, I told the story I couldn't even remember my social security number. So, like, that stuff was happening at work too. I wasn't volunteering to like take lead on stuff. I was just kind of just doing my job and being done. So, like that part of stuff got way better. Um, we talked about like the physical, like the exercise part. You stopped like just half doing things, like you put more in. Um, I started listening better to people and communicating better.

SPEAKER_00:

And that just builds confidence because you know you're being a better person.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. So the benefits were just I could go on and on and on. So when I post stuff like that, like it is so truthful, and it might be a little corny sometimes where I'm like, no, I promise, like, but it I don't really even remember like that girl back then was just she was just so sad all the time.

SPEAKER_00:

What's something you used to believe about yourself that now you know isn't true?

SPEAKER_03:

I didn't think I ever deserved to be happy after, especially after my fur like my first marriage. Like I just thought after that point, like, and maybe even prior to that, but like I honestly was like okay with people treating me like crap after that point. Maybe I thought I deserved it. Um, I never let good people just like into my life and like I don't know. I like I said, I self-sabotage all the time. So I just I felt like I didn't deserve it.

SPEAKER_00:

So do you think Jamie coming in was like an angel that took you out of it? I don't even know how or like how did you start to get to deserve it or feel like you did deserve it? Like, how did you attract that in?

SPEAKER_03:

Well, I started to feel like I deserved it when I saw that I was better in his life too. Like I I make Jamie really happy, and he always is very open about that. Like we're both so good to each other, but it's so easy. It's the easiest relationship I've ever been in. And I tell people all the time that are like going through a bad breakup or had dealt with somebody who was not nice to them, like you could find it. Like, I never thought I'd find it either. Like, and all of a sudden it was like you shouldn't even have to try to be loved. Like, if somebody really loves you, it should just be easy. And like, like, yeah, we might like little bicker about, I mean, but really not really, like, not really. There is no drama in my relationship. It is just the easiest, and I just want to be around him all the time. Like, he, yeah, he's he's so selfless and hardworking, and like he he is an overthinker. And your adjective project gave him um I think he said this is really hard. He um he did not tell me what he wrote, and of course I tried to get it out of him because I hate surprises so much. Um, and he wouldn't tell me, but he had such a hard time with it. But he generally means it. Like he there's so many things that he loves about me too. So then I started deciding like I'm good for him too. Like he's I'm not a charity case, he's not, you know, like because that's what I kind of felt like I'm not good enough for this guy. Um I deserve not this. So like it it took a little time, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, what does freedom feel like to you now?

SPEAKER_03:

Recovery is freedom. It is, I have nothing, there's nothing in my life that is controlling me at all. Not people, not substances, nothing. Nothing is controlling me. It is with that boredom, which is not boredom, comes peace and freedom. I don't know, and you just get to learn about yourself. It is it it is quite an experience to take in all those feelings when you're not numbing them. Oh man, that was such a transition. Like you feel everything, but it you really, it's a good thing.

SPEAKER_00:

And because I said like alcohol is a spirit, do you feel like it ever said anything to you to try and pull you back in? Like, was alcohol ever trying to control your brain and convince you?

SPEAKER_03:

Not after I quit, not really. Um I seriously was like, I I don't I don't ever want to go back.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

So I don't have like the stories of like I don't. Yeah, which I'm very grateful. It because it is hard work, and it's not saying that I didn't have to like alter things to, you know, maintain my, you know, sobriety, but like I just don't miss me. I don't miss me on alcohol at all.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah. That's good. Well, yeah, let's get into your words so that you don't have to have the surprise for much longer, and plus it's gonna explain so much of I think why you were able to stop drinking like fair relatively easy, you know what I mean, compared to a lot of people who spend years going back and forth. So, um, for people who don't know, I have a dream of us all seeing each other in a more loving way or ourselves in a more loving way. So I figure that we can see ourselves um through the people who see us. So I asked you to pick six or seven people to describe you in six or seven words, and then I put all those words together and pulled out your five biggest themes. So you picked your husband, some friends. How did you decide who to pick? My mom. Yeah, some family. These are the people that are you're closest to?

SPEAKER_03:

No, um, all pe all people that have been in my life, like in recovery. Some of them were prior to, though, but maybe a little bit the closer, but I want to kind of a wider rate, like range. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah. Okay, well, your first word is fierce. Because two people said you were determined, two said driven, two said energetic, two said strong, hardworking, badass, passionate, resilient, tenacious, motivated, or motivational, transforming, brave, courageous, and ambitious. So that is a big first group. Like it all fit in. Okay, your second word is radiant, gragacious, which means sociable, beautiful, a couple people said funny, dynamic, amusing, likable, mesmerizing, captivating, amiable, and charismatic. And then your third word is sincere. So you're caring, supportive, selfless, reliable, and loyal. And your fourth word is just authentic because four people said authentic, which was wild. And then uh the fifth word is perceptive, because they said intelligent, brilliant, articulate, and progressive.

SPEAKER_03:

Wow.

SPEAKER_00:

Any of those really surprising?

SPEAKER_03:

The sincere one is awesome.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Because those are all qualities that I don't think I had when I was a drinker. Like those ones are like to be reliable and and and supportive, and like that is so awesome. Because I've always just wanted to be a reliable human. That's actually great because I was not reliable. That's a perfect word. So, so flighty, and so so that that's awesome.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

The so the sociable doesn't surprise me. Um, I feel like I've turned into an introvert, but I'm definitely not like who are we kidding?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, but you still love people. I mean, uh at the run, like being there with all of the stuff going on and at the finish line, and I oh yeah, I can see that being part of it.

SPEAKER_03:

Because I felt like I was gonna lose that spark like a lot. Um, but no, who are we kidding? It takes me an hour to get out of cobrance because I gotta talk to everybody. Yeah, I can't leave the gym door. I just like slowly ease my way back, and then oh, someone draws me in. By the time I'm like, oh my god, yeah, so social. Yeah, yeah. Those are great words.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, you're still yourself without alcohol, you know.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Still, still a dirty mind, and still uh I am, yeah, just just a little bit less out in the public so much, but that's all right. It's and it gets more and more, you get more and more, you hide away for a while. But you're right. I think personally, people can't get me to shut up, usually. You and me both.

SPEAKER_00:

So I had AI help me write a synopsis for you, and we came up with you're the storm and the sunlight, fierce and radiant in the same breath, because who you are was never just one thing. And I like that because I think a lot of people, when they think about quitting something like drinking or something that is so attached to their identity, they think, Who am I without this? I mean, I have a friend that just quit smoking and um keeps saying, you know, who who am I without the cigarettes? It's like you're everything, you're so many things, but it's that hole that'll have on you, it tells you, well, you're you're somebody different. That's social. Or you're nobody.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, that's social. I don't know if I knew who I was before. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00:

So what do you do right now that you hope your grandkids do when they're your age?

SPEAKER_03:

I hope they one, I hope they stop saying um slaying words that they're saying nowadays, number one. Um, I hope that they're hardworking and caring humans. Um just be a good person. Um and let yourself love yourself. Like just why that's such a hard concept for so many people to love themselves. It was such a hard concept for me.

SPEAKER_00:

Seems to be for everybody, and I don't understand either why that evolutionary-wise has come this far. Like, let's let's get rid of that.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_00:

I just be so proud of yourself, like, and and do good things and maybe Veda's generation can break that because I feel like you know, they're more in touch with what they wear and expressing themselves and being themselves and you know. So hopefully.

SPEAKER_03:

Um I won't say I don't want them to to drink or or enjoy, but I I do I do want them to be able to cope and deal with life with like a clear mind. So not a really important part of my recovery was showing them that like you can do this without a crutch. Um, so I I really prefer that they don't get into maybe they're not class partier of 20, I don't even remember what year they're graduating, but um, and I don't want them to ever be with or surround themselves with people that bring down their worth. Like I can't I can't even say that enough. Like, there is enough people in this world that will make you feel good about yourself. Do not hold on to somebody that just and I want my boys to know now that you are who you hang out with a little bit, and if somebody that you're hanging out with isn't making you feel good or just doesn't fit, or um be comfortable enough to let that friendship maybe go, or or just you know, hang out with people that make you. Feel good. I did not sometimes. So don't do that. Don't ever make anyone, don't bring your leg down, man. Be loud and proud.

SPEAKER_00:

So well, I'm so glad you came on. And when I decided to do this, you were like the top, one of the top people that I was like, oh, I hope that she comes on because I didn't know if I would get anybody to, but I prayed that you would because you have such a beautiful story, and um, I wanted to hear it in person. And I brought you up in the like first or second episode, I can't remember, but about how you and one other person were the only people encouraging to me to move to Chicago. Everybody else was either like negative about it, tried to talk me out of it, um, told me I was irresponsible, or was just unresponsive, you know, it was just like, oh hey, I'm moving to Chicago, and they're like, Okay, what are we doing tonight? You know, and it was like, okay, well, I'm kind of excited about this. I want to talk about it. And you were like so excited for me and so supportive and made me feel like I could do it. Um, so that just shows, you know, how you've always been adventurous.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. I'm so surprised I wasn't selfish and wanted to keep you here, though. I feel like um, yeah. Well, I'm so glad that I came on the podcast and I've been listening to so many. And if you would have told me, if you would have told me when we were hanging out in our early 20s, probably that you'd be doing a podcast, I'm gonna say I wouldn't have been surprised. I actually like it, it makes sense, it tracks like your personal, like it's been so fantastic. And I will say, I feel like in the group, especially in the sobriety talks, um, I feel like I kind of wasn't one of the first.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, I know that's you have been the most supportive.

SPEAKER_03:

I I I do feel like all these people coming on and it's oh my goodness. But when I first quit, there wasn't a ton of people that were sober, and I I feel like I'm so happy that these uh these newer people experience like experimenting with it, you know, whether they're just curious or they're actually like living sober, um, they have bigger support systems. And this podcast has been so fantastic.

SPEAKER_00:

Thank you. Um yeah, so much. Yeah.

unknown:

Thanks.

SPEAKER_00:

And yeah, keep making your TikToks. They're so helpful too. And I hope that you come back on yes, please. Okay, anytime.