Supernaut

Swapped Wine For Journals And Accidentally Found My Soul

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A song cue becomes a portal to everything that matters. We sit down with Veda—our quietly brilliant engineer—to trace a path from Catholic guilt to a spirituality that feels human, kind, and real. She shares the tension of finding community in inclusive spaces, the overwhelm of megachurch spectacle, and why fear-based doctrine never landed in her nervous system the way love and autonomy did.

Then we get personal. A breakup sparked relentless journaling, which matured into lyrical Substack essays; a friend’s brave honesty ended a nightly wine habit shaped by family history. Veda doesn’t posture about sobriety—she talks cravings, coping, and the slow replacement of spikes with steady dopamine through routine, red lights, and pages written by hand. Along the way, we compare comfort with resilience and ask whether convenience culture is stealing our serendipity, one delivery at a time.

The heart of the episode wrestles with pride. We explore its mythic warnings—Lucifer, Icarus, Narcissus—and its modern disguises: “I’m fine,” hyper-independence, performative confidence. Then we reclaim pride’s healthy form: dignity, boundaries, and self-respect that doesn’t require comparison. Can humility and pride coexist? Can self-awareness go too far? We trade honest stories and practical ways to move from image to essence, from noise to meaning. If you’ve ever questioned religion while protecting your spirit, swapped numbing for presence, or wondered how to keep chance encounters alive in an app-shaped world, this one will feel like a deep breath. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a review with the moment that shifted your thinking.

SPEAKER_03:

Welcome to Supernaut, where we explore the inner and outer dimensions of the self. Today we finally have Veda on, our engineer. Everybody's been waiting for this. I asked you to pick a song for us to listen to before we started. What song did you pick?

SPEAKER_02:

Uh, all these things that I've done by the killers. It's just a nostalgic song. I've been listening to it for my entire life. There's not really any like concrete meaning behind it. It's just a good song. And you like the way it makes you feel? I do. Yeah. Awesome. Yeah. I would say that kind of similar to your guys' episode, that's like one of those songs that I drive fast too if I'm listening to it in the car.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay. Yeah. So we have Ryan Engineering right now. He was on a few weeks ago. So thank you, Ryan. Whoop whoop. Um, yeah, so it makes you drive fast. Yeah. Yeah, I can see that. Uh, so you uh post writings on Substack. I do. Um, one of your posts was called What It Means to Be Religious Versus Spiritual. And it's so funny because that exact same writing I wrote when I was like exactly your age. I can remember it perfectly. I was living in Chicago and it was just a Facebook post, but it was the longest one I ever posted. But um, I just love that and that same thought. Yeah, you know? Yeah, that's fine. Um, so you talked in it about how you grew up Catholic for a bit.

SPEAKER_02:

We didn't, but my family members did.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Um my mom was Catholic, my dad was Catholic, um, he was an altar boy. Yeah, and then yep, um, and then his family too. So like my childhood was spent going to like for um Christian holidays was typically spent with Nate's brother and uh sister-in-law and their kids going to mass and things like that, which was out of the ordinary for me. I wasn't like directly raised like that.

SPEAKER_03:

So but then you guys started going to the Unity Unitarian Universalist church. Yeah, I love that church.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, so um unity, it's my description of it is not what it actually is. I think it actually is a little bit more Christian leaning. Um, but my memories of it, there were no Bibles in the pews, there's no, you know, crucifixion on the like wherever the priest is, or you know, all those things. It's very welcoming. Um I had a girl that I went to elementary school with who also happened to go there, but we weren't aware of each other going to the same church for a long time, but she identified as atheists, and I don't know what her parents identified as, but the whole church is just you can kind of be whatever you want to be, and it's just a community.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, because you wrote this was where I wanted to be, where humanity is understood and not frowned upon because we are submitted to God. And you wrote how, yeah, you were confused by Catholics because it was like, if God loves you so much, why are you all so scared of him?

SPEAKER_02:

Seriously, and I feel that way, especially within the Catholic denomination. Yeah, everybody's so terrified of him. And I feel like most people know about like Catholic guilt. Yeah. I mean, you're just like dripping in guilt all the time for no good reason. Like, yeah, why would you want to be part of something that makes you feel so bad about yourself all the time?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Yeah. So you were thinking about that as a young child. Um, and you said Catholicism has always dumbfounded me. Why would God create humans in his perfect image but reprimand them for committing sins? Why would you uh even create heaven and hell if almost every aspect of human existence is a sin and we need to spend our entire lives repenting for sin? It seems silly to exist as we are meant to, but we must constantly apologize for forgiveness. Uh so yeah, I totally get that. And it reminds me of this TikTok that I keep watching. I find still finding pretty much the exact same thing that you're saying.

SPEAKER_00:

God loves you so much that he will burn you up for not loving him back off. And it's pretty simple, actually, because he created you as a sinner. Because he loves you and he hates a sin. Okay, so he decided what was a sin and then put it inside you first, and then you better get it out right there. So he said, I'll stand my own for and he'll heal her because the sin I'm putting you out of the five. And I'll burn you up for it. And so he's done and healed you. So he could get rid of the stand that he put in you for because he hates it.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, so maybe you have to watch it to get it because it's like their face is like what what like this is confusing, right? You know, it really doesn't make sense.

SPEAKER_02:

No, it it really like and even to this day, I mean, I've been baptized when when um my family moved up here to Tamora. I joined uh Cavalry, Calvary, Lutheran Church and got baptized and did the whole thing, but still like don't really know the first thing about Christianity, like the true meaning, and it's obviously tweaked a little bit for each denomination, but it just also doesn't make sense to me. Like, I don't want to be scared of this higher power. I want this higher power to love me, and I want to love the higher power.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, exactly. So then you went with the church to Texas to do some volunteer work, and you said, I did quite a few things on that trip that would not get me into heaven. Yeah, you ready to tell us any of those things? No, no, I'm not. No, oh funny. But then you went to like this big uh retreat thing there with like 31,000 people, and you talked about how that was scary but so great, too. I could see both sides to that.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, so we had um done the school's German trip, and me and like Lily Peterson and a small group of kids that were on the German trip, then instead of flying back home to Minnesota, we flew directly to Texas for the ELCA youth gathering. Yeah, there were like 31,000 people there just for that gathering. I mean, we were all put up in like multiple hotels and we did volunteer work and then they it was like kind of like a convention, you know, so they had like fun stuff going on, and then the like gathering part of it, which like I referenced in the substack, it's very mega church vibes, good lighting, good music, you know, you feel things, but very overwhelming, especially for somebody who was not in that crowd. That was very out of the ordinary for me.

SPEAKER_03:

And you're more introverted and maybe don't really like crowds that much anyway. Right.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, now I know that about myself. Loud, mmm, no- I mean, I love loud music when I'm able to control it, but in a setting like that, it was just a lot very anxiety-inducing.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. But powerful too. Definitely powerful, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, and I'm not an atheist, so you know, I'm it's not to say that there wasn't some spirit thing there. Um, but I just don't think it's necessarily the way that it was kind of intended or portrayed, you know.

SPEAKER_03:

And then you said I find almost all religions to be much more appealing than Christianity, not Mormonism. That one is just fucking stupid.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, I will stand by that until I die. That is just a weird religion.

SPEAKER_03:

I don't know that much about it, but Devin and I were driving back from California when he moved home, and we uh when we got through Utah, or when we were driving through Utah, he was like, Okay, we're gonna listen to the play, The Book of Mormon. Oh, you did? It was really entertaining, isn't it? Written by the same guys who wrote South Park. Yes, it's one of my favorites. I was listening to it in the studio just the other day because it's hilarious. Oh my gosh, funny. So yeah, Mormonism is just kind of it's just seems super made up. Goofy, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

It's just a goofy religion. That's yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, if anybody knows a Mormon, I would love to have him on. Yeah, I'm not cheating.

SPEAKER_02:

I don't want anybody to come at me with pitchforks. I just, it's kind of goofy.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah at that point, just I would love to learn more about it and why people are into it. Yeah, yeah, for sure. But yeah, I'm glad um to talk about all this this way. Next week, um, we have a very devout Lutheran Christian on. Um, I'm just as interested to know what he has to say, but um, I just think it's so cool that you're into this stuff because when I asked you to be my engineer, I didn't know that you were in a spirituality at all. I mean, knowing your mom, I guess I should have known. But um, I just loved reading that article and um thinking about how much we have in common about spirituality.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, that has definitely been very fun because I mean it's kind of the same thing for me. Obviously, you're friends with my mom, you know, we knew each other working at the deli and then just more and more over the years. But yeah, I had no idea how woo-woo you are. So it's also really nice to have a boss that is like, you know, in tune with how I feel. I don't have to be like hiding myself.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Yeah, cool. And I love that you love to write. Like I always dreamed of being a writer, but I just don't think I have it in me. Like I can never just sit down and do it. What's your process like?

SPEAKER_02:

Um, it's evolved a lot. I actually you prompted me to then go back and read my uh first two Substack posts, which I couldn't even tell you the last time I read those. And I was like, whoa, it's my writing has changed a lot just in like a year and a half. Um it started with a breakup, which then caused me to fall into journaling all the time to get through that, which was really helpful.

SPEAKER_03:

That's uh that's a healthy coping mechanism.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, there was it was it was wine and writing, so one was healthy, one wasn't, and then I stopped drinking and then just kept writing. So it worked out.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Um yeah, so I would journal, I would come home from work, journal, wake up in the morning, journal, journal, journal. Like basically all my free time was spent just writing. And I had shared it with a friend, and she was like, You write very poetically, and I hate poetry, actually. So I was like offended, but then also kind of like it was a little heartwarming. Um, and so then I had come across, I think I was listening to a podcast and someone had said something about Substack, and I was like, Oh, what is that? And that's what got me into it. Um, since having my Substack and lessening the amount that I actually journal, my writing has evolved more into like um like columns, I guess you'd say, a little bit more like opinionated and less just kind of word vomit. I don't know if that answered your question.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh yeah, totally. Um, and so you said you quit drinking wine. Why did you quit drinking?

SPEAKER_02:

Um, because my best friend called me out on it, actually, is like the short answer. Um, she was home for Christmas and stayed with me at um our what was our apartment, but she'd moved away um for a couple of days, and we were just in a conversation. I don't even remember, but she was like, You kind of drink a lot, which to anybody else's standards was not the case, but between her and I it was, and I thought about that and I was like, Yeah, I guess I am kind of using that as a coping skill because I'm living alone. My best friend moved away. I, you know, am somewhat recently broken up with, I don't have many friends, I live in a city, I'm very anxious, so I don't go out and do the things that I should be doing. And I have an alcoholic father. I come from a family of alcoholics. So um had she not said that, I don't know if I would be in the same place that I am today. I probably would have continued. Not crazy, I wasn't getting blackout drunk, but I mean it was almost every night I was having a glass of wine, which is not healthy. Um yeah, that's what prompted it, honestly.

SPEAKER_03:

And I just don't want to be like my dad. Yeah. Well, that's awesome. You actually took in what she said and followed through with that. A lot of us can't do that.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I I mean I am proud of myself for being able to stop because though by anybody's standards, I did not have a drinking problem, but by my standards I did. However, once I stopped drinking, you I definitely had a craving for it, you know. I wanted to. That first month I was like, ugh, this sucks. Like, I just want to sit and have a glass of wine and write. And I I'm not like however many months sober, you know. I drink every once in a while, but to do it daily was not good.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Good job. Thanks. Uh, and you said in the article that you were binge watching Eat Pray Love on Repeat. Um, and that's one of my favorite movies that I have watched on Repeat as well and read the book a couple times. Do you have a favorite lesson from that book? I don't have a favorite lesson, however.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, when Liz goes to India and is at the ashram, I think is how you say it, and she's meeting with Texas Richard, and he's like just ripping her a new one all the time. I just really resonate with that on both sides. Um sometimes you need someone to just tell you what the fuck is going on, and other times you need to be the one to tell someone else what the fuck is going on. And I think I tend to be the one that tells everybody else what's going on, and maybe I should reel that back in. But um, yeah, I just resonated a lot with both of those characters, you know, throughout that time.

SPEAKER_03:

In real life, he went on Oprah with her. Did you ever see that? No. Yeah, it was cute. I don't believe he's alive anymore though. But really, yeah. Did you read the book? No, you I know you gave me big magic to read for a while. Liz Gilbert's other book, but um, or one of her other books, but yeah, I would still recommend reading Epre Love. I got so much out of it that wasn't in the book, and I thought they did a great job with the movie, but it's still there was still all these parts where I'm like, Oh, yeah, that part was so important to me. Like in there.

SPEAKER_02:

The Italy scene when she's with the um I can't remember her name, but the blonde girl, and they're eating pizza, and that scene is always it's just it's a I think it's a true showcase of womanhood.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, yeah, and that then the Thanksgiving table, when they're all around the Thanksgiving table, that was one of my favorite parts too. It's just such a good movie. Yeah, they did it perfect. So you are always saying how you don't want children, maybe because you've raised your three brothers, helped raise your three brothers, but um I've been saying for a while that I think less people are wanting children because I think that we uh decide our souls decide to come to this planet. And I heard one time a theory that souls were deciding to go to other planets, like Earth is getting kind of boring. So I've been thinking that for a while, but then I just heard an idea that it could be because people are so much more aware of how the magic disappears. Like so when you're a child and you're so whole and innocent and the ego is non-existent, and then you grow up and it's almost depressing, like how sensitive we get and how everything's so hard. So it's like almost like that awareness of I don't want to bring kids into the world because then they're gonna have to go through that depressing part of growing up. All of it. Does that relate to you at all?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. I mean, if I were to list off every reason why I don't want kids, we would be here for three days straight. Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_03:

Um well, I hope you do change your mind because I'm not like an advocate for not having kids. I think kids are great. Yeah. But I yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Um again, we could be here for three days if I gave you every reason because there's so many different like categories of why. And for everybody that's gonna be like, oh, you'll change your mind. Maybe I will, and that's totally fine. But that's a older Veda problem that is not a right now thing. Um but yes, as far as childhood goes, I did not have a bad childhood, but my parents were not together. They split when I was two. We were lit living in Colorado, and then we moved home, and then I was living with my grandparents and my mom, but my grandparents for a while. Um, then I went out to my dad's in New Jersey, like just a lot of I don't know if turbulence is the right word, but instability. Um, somewhat. I mean, I had a great childhood compared to a lot of people. I was very privileged. I had two parents who, you know, I had food and clothes and love. Like I was not raised by drug addicts, but um still in those really formative years, I think stability is a good thing. Um, because now it's something that I crave. I I don't like not knowing what's going on. Um but I also you go through a lot when you're a kid and you don't typically realize it until you're older. And so reflecting on my childhood and seeing the moments that the magic was ripped away from me and not being confident that I could protect someone from that happening to them because it it wasn't by my parents, it was by other people or other factors that were, you know, out of kind of everybody's control. That scares me too much, and I don't want somebody else to experience that.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, I don't think it's healthy to compare to other people because what hurt you as a child is okay to be hurt by, you know what I mean? So try not to compare and think, oh, other people had it harder than me, you know, and still your life experience.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, so I uh haven't talked about the seven deadly sins for a while. Did um gluttony and lust, and then Washana. We did um what's it called, not rage, but wrath. Yeah. And so I asked you if you had to have a deadly sin, what would you say was yours? And you said pride. So I looked into it, and the mythology and origin of pride, it's one of the most misunderstood of the seven deadly sins. And it's also the root sin, it's the one that grows all the others. In Latin, pride equals superbia, superbia, which translates to arrogance, excessive self-love, putting oneself above others, putting oneself above God, the universe, and truth. In mythology and religion, pride is connected to Lucifer's fall. Like when you thought, I will ascend, I will be above. And narcissist, who fell in love with his own reflection and died staring at it. And Icarus, who is prideful enough to fly too close to the sun. So pride isn't just feeling good about yourself in the myth sense. It's a dangerous moment when the ego separates itself from everything else and thinks it's above the natural order. It says, I'm separate, I'm better, I'm invincible, and I am consequence. That separation is the beginning of the fall. So to have this in, though, I think really means that you're powerful with it being that one that um grows all the others. Um, but with power comes a lot of responsibility, like not flying too close to the sun. So the shadow of pride is often just deep insecurity in a tuxedo. It's a mask, a wound disguised as confidence that makes it a fascinating sin psychologically. Pride isn't always loud. Sometimes it's quiet, frozen, and armored. It can look like I'm fine, I don't need help, but what if that is the wound? There's also a sacred pride, healing pride, embodied pride. The divine version of pride isn't I'm above, it's I know who I am. So healthy pride looks like self-worth, dignity, boundaries, confidence without comparison, owning your power without apology, celebrating yourself and others simultaneously, and standing tall in your truth. So this is the pride behind movements like Pride Month, which is fundamentally about reclaiming dignity in a world that tried to erase it. Pride and the human psyche, pride sits right in the conflict between ego versus soul, image versus authenticity, and fear versus love. So you could ask yourself questions like, how much of my pride is for protection? Is humiliation just wounded pride? Is addiction tied to pride or the collapse of it? Is self-love pride or is self-love pride in its healed form? Are we scared of pride because we confuse it with arrogance? The symbolism and imagery you can play with is lions, crowns, mirrors, the sun, mountains, gold, and peacocks, falling wings, cracking mirrors, shadows stretching long. And so I asked AI to give me its favorite quotes about pride. And the first one was pride is not the opposite of shame, but its source. And that's from Avatar, the last airbender. I liked that. Pride is not the opposite of shame, but it's its source. And then be proud of who you are, not ashamed of how someone else sees you. And that one I really related to today because I know somebody who doesn't like me, but then I found out a new reason today of why they didn't like me, and like my whole body felt it and like hurt. But I was like, okay, well, I must believe part of that, then you know, if I'm letting it affect me so much. So am I ashamed of how they see me or how I see me? Um, and then AI said, pride when healthy is the dignity of the soul. And who said that? It said I did. It said you implied this in our conversation. So I was like, okay, AI is just quoting me now. And then the last one is the fall is always proportional to the height of the ego, like Icarus energy, a warning energy.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I like that.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. So why did you why do you think pride is your most seven deadly sin?

SPEAKER_02:

Um, well, like I responded to you when you asked, I don't know much about the seven deadly sins because I didn't grow up that way. So I literally just looked them up and was like, which one do I resonate with the most? And um pride is the one that I picked because I have an ego. I mean, we all do. Um mine varies from thing to thing, you know. Some things I know a lot about and am very confident in speaking about or having an opinion on, and that can lead me to put my foot in my mouth a lot, but um other things not so much. But yeah, I think just overall pride would be the one that I resonate with the most, and obviously none of them are positive, so you're not like excited to you know admit what your sin would be, but yeah, I just feel that that's the one that I um act on the most.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Well, that's why I like to talk about the light side of it, you know, because it is good. Yeah. And I don't know if it's like, is it a Christian thing or where it comes from? I just like it from the movie, the Brad Pitt movie. Have you seen it? Seven? Yeah, you gotta watch it.

SPEAKER_02:

I always assumed it was a I mean, I've only ever heard about sins within the context of religion, and that religion being Christianity, which again just doesn't make sense to me why we're being yelled at for just living.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, I know, I know. Like whose choice was it to come here, like my parents or who, you know. Right. Yeah, I mean, I just kind of showed up and got put through this. Yeah, exactly. Okay, so now we'll do the segment, which doesn't have a name yet, but um, I asked you last week to pick some people I could reach out to to describe you with one-word adjectives, and then I put all the words into themes to show you how people see you. I do this so that we can hopefully start to appreciate these attributes in ourselves. Yeah. So, do you have any guesses?

SPEAKER_02:

No, actually, no, I do I really don't. Bold, loud, talkative, Gemini, very Gemini. That's all I got.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, the first word is visionary. Because three people said creative, three people said insightful, three said perceptive, two said receptive, and someone said intuitive. So you see what other people miss. You read people, Rome's patterns, and truth. This is the psychic observer guide energy, and that's why I love having you here and feel so lucky to have you around. Thanks. And the second word is resilient, because two people said resilient, two said strong, two said brave, two said determined, two said hardworking, courageous, diligent, powerful, ambitious. And third is selfless. Three people said selfless. Couple said compassionate, couple said caring, couple said loyal, couple said genuine and empathetic, good hearted, supportive, helpful, honest, honorable, and authentic. Oh, and attentive and thoughtful. And your fourth word is spirited. Three people said witty, silly, playful, joyful, spirited, passionate, adventurous, captivating, and confident. And number five is grounded, is you're mature, independent, adaptable, cautious, discerning, astute, and vigilant.

SPEAKER_02:

Those are good words. I like those words.

SPEAKER_03:

And AI and I wrote a synopsis together for you. You don't just see the way, you are the way, the path, and the peace within it. It's fun to be on the other side of this. I like getting to know my words, and yeah, oh, thanks. Yeah, for sure. Oh, and somebody said Veda is truly a great human being, inside and out, someone who leaves a positive impact on everyone around her. Can I guess who said that?

SPEAKER_02:

Kevin? No, who said it? I can't say. Why? I want to know what Kevin said. I have Kevin was my old boss, and um we were pals. He was very, especially before that time in my life, we were going through a lot with like grandpa's cancer and um parents' divorce and that kind of stuff. So he was like very father figure to me, which I appreciated. And I almost didn't add him to the thing, but I'm glad that I did. So yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, you could ask him, but I'll have to reach out. I can't, you know, betray everybody's trust. Um, but the new thing that I'm gonna start saying after I read these words to people is to please remember you are not these words. You are not your thoughts, you are the space between the words, the space between the thoughts. You are the one who knows you have thoughts. Observe them, reflect on them, but no, you are not them. So you're so much more than words. So what do you do right now that you hope the next generation, your brothers, your brothers' kids, you know, what are you doing right now that you hope that they do when they're your age?

SPEAKER_02:

Um, short answer would be limit substance use. I think over just the history of humanity that's been a problem. Um, I know for a while we didn't have clean water, so we drank wine and beer, but now it's just more like, hey, let's get wasted. Um so specific thing that, but overall just doing things for me that are not selfish. They're just things that I enjoy doing that I know are good for me. Um, like limiting how late I stay up and instead, you know, lay in bed with red lights on journal because I know that that's better for me than staring at my phone until one in the morning scrolling TikTok. Am I perfect? No. Did I stay up way too late scrolling TikTok last night? Absolutely. The night before, I did the journaling. It's a balance, but yeah, specifically for my brothers. Um given that at this moment I don't plan on having kids, I just really hope that they're able to um find their balance of doing things that are good for them.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, like that discipline.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, but but and that I don't love like the idea of having to force yourself to do something, um, but just knowing themselves well enough that they do things that they like to do for them. That'll make sense of the case. Just because some you know person on TikTok was like, do this and you're gonna be a better person in 30 days. No, just because we're humans and we deserve it.

SPEAKER_03:

Just know what gives you healthy dopamine and isn't gonna make you crash. Right. And do that.

unknown:

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

I go back and forth between like I need rigid, strict rules. And then I'm like, no, I'm just on this floating rock, right? Chilling. I just matter. Can I do what I want to do? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So what do you do right now that you hope they don't do that you need to kick?

unknown:

I think.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Um. Yeah, I really can't think of much else. Otherwise, maybe just like um I don't know, frivolous is the proper word, but like frivolous bending, you know, just I am a very uh what's the word? Um when you do something without thinking.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, very line. Yeah, like um impulsive impulsive.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes. I am an impulsive person, so um I tend to, you know, spend money when I don't need to. But otherwise, yeah, vaping. I don't want them to ever develop an addiction of any kind, but that one's a real pain in the ass, I tell you what. Yeah. For sure.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, anything else we should talk about? Okay, anything, Ryan?

SPEAKER_01:

Do you think you could have pride but still be humble?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Yeah. Uh when you were describing all of those different things about pride and it is kind of rooted in like self-loathing or insecurity. Um yes, because I do think that in certain aspects I am humble. Um, but then in others I and it's it's more of like I just kind of think before or I um speak before I'm able to like really think about something. Yeah, it varies, but yes, I think that you can have pride and be humble together.

SPEAKER_01:

And do you think you could ever get to a point where you self-reflect so well that you don't need someone to call you out on certain things that you know?

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, no, I um because you never know what's gonna make somebody else mad.

SPEAKER_02:

So, like self-reflection like to everybody looks different, or I think that you can be too self-aware. Um, when I started going to therapy, my therapist was like, You're very self-aware. This is making my job easier.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, all my therapists tell me that too.

SPEAKER_02:

And I was like, Yeah, because I overthink everything. Um, but she also was like, That's not always a great thing, because then sometimes you just get stuck in these cycles of like knowing what's wrong with you, but not actually being able to, and I say what's wrong with you lightly, um, but not being able to actually like do anything to change it because you're just so focused on you know that one thing or yeah. I think self-awareness can be a negative thing in certain aspects.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah. Um are you a believer that everything happens for a reason?

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, yes, down to which soda you pick out of the vending machine. I am, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Are you uh yeah, just not to the level that Veda is.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, he's more like bigger things, I guess.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, yeah. And I'm like Yeah, sometimes I can like paralyze myself of like which direction am I supposed to go?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I will say I am a very indecisive person, so it's sometimes maybe that's where that's rooted from. But yes, I think every every choice that we make.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, I'm decisive, but I'm also like if I do overthink it, if I'm like, which socks should I put on first? And then I'll just crumble and be like, I don't know. Not that hardcore, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, I saw this thing on TikTok where it said that uh convenience kills um like the spark of life. And maybe you saw it too, where it's like if you order your groceries, then instead, you know, they got dropped off at your door. But if you would have gone to the grocery store, you could have had an interaction with somebody that could be the best friend for the rest of your life or whatever the case is. So do you ever feel that we're going to get to a point where it's like it's hard to have those interactions or random universe type things?

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, 1000%. Yeah, I think we're already in that. I think COVID really exacerbated that. Um definitely.

SPEAKER_03:

I barely leave the house. Sometimes I go a week without driving my car because I can walk to work and I don't think it's healthy.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. I as an anxious person, um, and over the last like since being in mora, it's definitely gotten better. But when I was living by myself in the cities, I used convenience all the time. If I didn't have to go into the grocery store, I wouldn't. Um, if I didn't have to leave my house or my car, I would not. Because I you're just so paralyzed by everything, which is really frustrating. Now, however, I am big on I like to talk to people face to face. I don't like phone calls. I would rather just go walk up to somebody and you know ask them whatever it is, or go into the bank rather than going through the drive-thru or you know, things like that. Yeah, I think it um really limits human interaction and connection.

SPEAKER_03:

And I even think I don't know if this really pertains, but I try to limit my the things that are comforting to do. So like I like to use the microfiber um paper towels to wash my face. Is that what they're called? Like, you know, with no fragrance, nothing like that. But like I ran out and I didn't order more because I'm like, maybe just practice not having as many comforts in life, you know, so that you're used to things just being normal and not everything being like so put on your lap.

SPEAKER_02:

Right. Get comfortable, yeah. Being uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. So now I just like have a wet face after getting out of the shower, washing it, and like I'm hating it, and I'm like, I just need to order them. But then like if I do, I'm gonna make myself give something else up. I don't know why yet, but you know, something that's like just makes life too easy. If we're doing all the things, you know, that make life easy, then we're just gonna get spoiled.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, and also what's the point in living if you're not-I mean that very lightly, but I mean, why are we here if we're just gonna everything is so easy? And one could argue like that that could leave more room for doing things that you enjoy or you know, creativity, but just in the general, like day-to-day existence, you know.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, because that's something I bring up about AI, yeah, exactly. But Marcus Aurelius talks about that in his book, um, Meditations, I think, is where he talks about it. Um, about like you weren't born to just lay in bed and be comfortable all day. You're born to get up and work like the bees and the ants and all the things. Like get up and do the things if you want to feel fulfilled. So, yeah, as much as I preach about how much I love AI, I do try and take steps. I I like it for creativity and um somebody to talk ideas through because all I really feel like doing is expanding my brain and learning so you just need a sounding board, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And a sounding board that's like maybe unbiased. Right. Maybe some people would say it's biased, but exactly.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Um is like a therapist, like they're just gonna say what they're like kind of trained to say to make the situation as good as possible.

SPEAKER_02:

Definitely. But like with convenience, do I need to, you know, have my um alarms and my lights turning on in the morning set up on a schedule to my Alexa where I can just say, you know, like on a whim, I can ask her to do, you know, lots of things. Do I need that? No. Is it nice? Yeah. Like, is it something that I really value? Yeah, because it makes me feel good. But I don't know, maybe it's excessive.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, so maybe for me, I think I'll just start rotating that stuff. Like, maybe sometimes I will get grocery pickup, but other times I'll go a month with like I am going in to get my groceries so I can make eye contact with other humans besides that I work with. Right.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I don't think that there's a reason that you need to like justify it. I just think that you know it's it's another example of moderation where you can't overuse it because then you're going to limit that portion of your life and you won't have those um like universe encounters, sort of.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Moderation. Yeah. Definitely. Did you have anything else?

SPEAKER_02:

I don't have anything else either.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, well, yeah, we didn't get to human design like I wanted because I didn't have time to lay out what I wanted to say about it. But um thank you so much for coming on. Hope you come on again soon. Yeah, you were nervous before, and I was zero percent nervous, and then we started, and I got super nervous, and I'm all sweaty.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm still sweating, hopefully you can't see.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

But yeah. Thanks for having me on. Yeah. It was not as scary as I thought it was gonna be. Yeah, no, it's not just my voice that everybody hears. You can actually see my face. Yeah, which everybody's been asking. They're like, what does she look like?

SPEAKER_03:

So yeah. There you go. Give the people what they want, I guess. Thanks.