Second Chances, and Self-Respect - Brianne McClellan

Ever wonder what it looks like to stop drifting and start choosing? Brianne joins us for a raw, energizing conversation about designing a life around joy, clarity, and self-trust—after nine addresses in Texas, a strategic escape from an abusive relationship, and a bold career pivot into suicide prevention.

We dig into the practical side of change: how audiobooks and a relentless reading habit feed curiosity, why a calmer relationship with alcohol starts with knowing your body’s early signals, and how skepticism toward organized religion can coexist with genuine spiritual wonder. Brianne shares the red flags she ignored, the logistics of leaving safely, and the healing that followed—right down to the boundaries she now guards, including the possibility of never cohabiting again. Her story reframes “independence” not as isolation, but as a commitment to the life she refuses to outsource.

On work, she walks us from test-driven classrooms to a role that blends education and mental health impact, naming what burnout feels like and the tools that helped—medication, better-fitting therapy, and honest self-inquiry. We talk pruning friendships without guilt, the post-COVID social reset, and saying no to keep your yes meaningful. And then there’s the play: a Kansas cattle drive, the Pacific Coast Highway, and travel as a video game where each new place unlocks a level in your inner world.

If you’re rethinking boundaries, learning to trust your gut, or plotting your next brave move, this episode is your green light. Hit follow, share this with a friend who needs courage today, and leave a review with the one boundary you’re committing to next.

0:00 Setting The Stage & A Song

0:26 Chasing Joy, Peace, And Adventure

2:55 Texas Years And Many Moves

3:21 Books, Audiobooks, And Favorites

6:10 A Calmer Relationship With Alcohol

8:21 Faith, Skepticism, And Soul Contracts

12:14 From Teaching To Suicide Prevention

15:04 Anxiety, Panic, And Finding Therapy

18:56 Naming Abuse And Planning An Exit

23:44 Healing, Boundaries, And Red Flags

27:18 Pruning Friendships And COVID Effects

30:06 Identity, Small Towns, And Self

32:30 Rethinking Marriage, Kids, And Meaning

35:02 Big Travel Plans And A Cattle Drive

38:07 How Friends See Brianne

41:20 Nash The Bar Dog And Animal Love

44:10 Nature Club Origins And Early Media

46:08 Advice To The Next Generation

48:18 Doomscrolling, Limits, And Habits

51:22 Closing Reflections

Transcript

Setting The Stage & A Song

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Like I I do I want to be an A plus like student even in therapy. Welcome to SuperNot where we explore the inner and outer dimensions of the self. Today our guest is Brianne McClellan. We've actually hung out around each other a lot, but never got to know each other super well. So I'm super excited to have a convo about her since she is the expert on her. So I asked you to pick a song for us to listen to it again on the same frequency before we started. What song did you pick?

Chasing Joy, Peace, And Adventure

SPEAKER_00 0:26

I picked Some of It by Eric Church.

SPEAKER_01 0:28

Why did you pick that one?

SPEAKER_00 0:30

Um, I knew I wanted an Eric Church song because he's my favorite. I originally had a different one picked, but then I looked at the lyrics and I was like, that really has nothing to do with me. And so I just feel like this is kind of where I'm at in my life. I'm now in my late 30s, and so I've learned a lot of lessons, but there's still more learning to do.

SPEAKER_03 0:47

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

Love that. Well, one of your friends said this about you. She said she is always chasing a life that brings the most joy and peace. Tell me about that.

SPEAKER_00 1:00

Um, I like that that's how other people see it. Okay, that's probably true. I do think I'm always like looking for the next adventure. I think it kind of started. I moved to Texas Rector College, and I wasn't really like looking for the next adventure. I was kind of, I didn't want to be in Mora in Minnesota anymore. So it was like, we're like running. Did you like spend your high school years like I can't wait to get out of here? Um, kind of, but I didn't think I leave Minnesota. Then I was just like, I'm gonna live in the suburbs and like a little subdivision, and then I wanted a small town, but uh my high school college boyfriend and I had broken up and he was coming back from the military, and we have mutual friends, and so I was like, Well, he's coming back when I graduate, so I'm gonna be gone. Yeah, that's kind of how adventure started.

SPEAKER_01 1:51

Yeah, perfect, and joy too, like searching for joy and peace.

SPEAKER_00 1:57

Yeah, I just like finding new adventure and like seeing new places that is what brings me joy and peace. I love that.

SPEAKER_01 2:06

So, is there anything that you want to do that you're scared to do?

SPEAKER_00 2:11

Um probably. I feel like I've done a lot. Um big things, sometimes I think I'd like to move again, but I don't know that I ever will. Just because like everyone's here and I would be afraid to leave everyone again.

SPEAKER_01 2:30

I talked about this with Cody when he was on a few weeks ago, how like I did so many daring things in my early 20s, and now it's like harder and scarier, and you would think because I did so many hard, scary things, like it would just be easier. But it's like maybe because you get older and you like realize how much scarier the world is or something. Yeah. Because yeah, it's scarier now to think of uprooting everything.

Texas Years And Many Moves

SPEAKER_00 2:52

It it shouldn't be. I like I've done it before and I did it for 10 years, but now that I am older, I'm like, oh, but what would happen now if I left?

SPEAKER_03 3:00

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 3:01

So which part of Texas were you in? I lived in the Houston area and the Dallas Fort Worth area. I had nine addresses in nine and a half years while I was there. So I moved around a lot.

SPEAKER_01 3:12

Yeah, because those are what four hours from each other, five, like very different culture. Yeah. Yep. Cool.

Books, Audiobooks, And Favorites

unknown 3:20

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:21

Um, and last year you read uh how many books?

SPEAKER_00 3:25

It was like 77 or 78. Yeah, and like most of them were audible. Yes, most of them were audiobooks. And so it counts as reading, but I listen to books at almost two times speed, so I can get through them a lot faster.

SPEAKER_01 3:39

Yeah, I am stuck at 1.2. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:42

Like but you are retaining everything and even even podcasts, like I listen to them at 1.8, unless people automatically talk faster. Otherwise, I slowed it down once and I was like, this feels so slow. Yeah, cool. I don't think my brain works fast enough to I definitely have undiagnosed ADHD, so it's always going like so fast.

SPEAKER_01 4:06

Yeah, just living with it. Yeah. Um, what's your favorite book that you read last year and your all-time favorite book?

SPEAKER_00 4:15

Oh see, there's here's this retaining thing. I don't oh wait, no. My favorite one last year was The Women by Kristen Hanna. I was gonna say, I don't remember.

SPEAKER_01 4:24

Is that the movie is based off of that book? I think I saw a movie called The Women with Meg Ryan.

SPEAKER_00 4:29

No. No. Um, this is about I think it was Vietnam. It's like nurses in Vietnam. All of her books are like kind of historical and a little dramatic in a in a war drama kind of way. But my favorite book of all time is Valley of the Dolls. And I don't remember who that's by. I first read it when I was way too young to read it. It's about like old Hollywood and like sex and drugs and addiction, but I've read that book countless times. What else was like the theme or it follows three different girls who are like in their early 20s and they're trying to make it big, like you know, they're small towns, and some of them are models, and then they just fall into the trap of like Hollywood or like New York, Broadway, and then drugs, and it's the dark side of Hollywood basically.

SPEAKER_01 5:25

Well, I'll have to check it out because yeah, this year, right when I decided to read 50 books, and then you posted on Snapchat like that you read 77. I was like, Oh my gosh, okay. Well, yeah, at least it's like I know it's achievable.

SPEAKER_00 5:38

It definitely is. Even if you're like reading just physical books, there are some people that read just physical books and read more than the 78 that I read, so it's doable. Yeah. If you just make it a priority, yeah.

A Calmer Relationship With Alcohol

SPEAKER_01 5:52

Well, we're almost a week in uh February and I'm at eight. Yeah, you're already ahead. Yeah, yeah. There was five weeks in January, so at first, so I was super excited when I was at six, and then I was like, Well, there is five weeks, so I didn't feel as good about it, but still super pumped. Yeah, yeah, I'm pumped. So, um, I feel like you are one of those unicorns who has a really good relationship with alcohol because I've been around you a lot when you've been drinking, but I've never seen you like have too much. Do you feel like that's true?

SPEAKER_00 6:24

Yes, that was not always true. I mean, because in my 20s I would still get drunk, and I don't think I ever had a problem with it, but now again, because I'm older and I feel the need to be in control, I do not like that feeling. Like, buzzed, fine, love that feeling, but it's very easy to tip into like where I feel sick and I don't want to get sick from drinking, and so I yeah, I kind of know where that line is. And when I lived in Texas, I pretty much always had to like drive myself because I lived alone, so I never really got too far because I was still gonna have to drive.

SPEAKER_01 7:05

So when did you figure out that line? Because I mean, like, I just was never able to. Like, how did you do it?

SPEAKER_00 7:14

I think just like knowing like how I feel like physically when I'm about to like tip into the you're gonna get sick feeling. I just stable now. I probably drink even less than that. I don't know. I've thought about quitting drinking before, but then I'm like, well, I don't drink a ton anyway, so why? Because there are still times that I would like to drink. Um, yeah, I think it's just a physical thing. Also, my parents never made it a big deal, like they didn't want me to drink in high school, but they never told me that I couldn't. So, like the first time I did drink was with them, like they let me try stuff, so it was never a big deal.

SPEAKER_01 7:53

This forbidden fruit that like you're gonna spend your whole life chasing.

SPEAKER_00 7:57

Yeah, like where I had friends who their parents were like, absolutely not, and they definitely did like take it too far in high school. So I think that helped too. Like it's never been a big deal.

Faith, Skepticism, And Soul Contracts

SPEAKER_01 8:07

Otherwise, maybe you just have something in your brain that we need to study, something that I don't have in my brain, an off switch. Um, okay, so what do you believe to be true about why we're here on this planet? Like, what do you believe in?

SPEAKER_00 8:23

I go back and forth on like why. I know I don't I believe in something, I don't believe in the Bible or organized religion. I was raised very loosely Catholic in that like we went all the way through confirmation, but didn't go to church every Sunday. And after confirmation, we got to decide. And both my brother and I, we don't go to church. I don't know. I just had too many questions when I was a kid, and I didn't get answers that I liked. Like, I remember one time asking, like, well, how do we know that this is true? And I don't even remember what story it was. It just seemed a little far-fetched, and I was basically told, Well, you just have to believe it. And who told you that? It was some pastor. My one of my babysitters was Baptist, and so we went to Iwana with her on whatever nights, and it was it was there. And I think I questioned something else to like one of the other kids, and they basically gave me the same thing. Like, they looked at me like I was going to hell. Like, how dare you question what the Bible says? So that kind of turned me off, and just being from a small town, seeing how people were in church on Sunday versus not. So I don't know, I believe in the universe, whatever is out there. There is something as far as why we're here. I don't know. I think to learn lessons. I really like I believe in past lives, and so maybe like we sign some type of like soul contract, I don't know, and then come back.

unknown 9:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:53

Well, I think that's really cool of your parents to like give you the stability to confirmation age, and so that you learn it so that like you know how to have conversations when you grow up in Midwest United States, like you know, you're not lost when people are talking about Christianity, but then let you choose for yourself. Yeah, that's super cool.

SPEAKER_00 10:14

Very good. I like all that stuff, like even like that, the drinking, it was just sort of like this is what it is, you guys can pick. Are they big Christians or no? I would say my mom would probably still go to church if she found one nearby that she liked. My dad never was going to church with my dad was the best and awful, like because he couldn't keep a straight face, and so then if I looked at him, like I would start to lose it. So like when they were saying random stuff, you know, like the the raise your hands up, he would start like shaking them. So no, my dad's definitely not religious. I think my mom would maybe go if she found one that she felt comfortable in, but yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:57

So past lives, I think that's a big possibility.

SPEAKER_00 11:01

Yes, like I would love to have a past life regression done. I want to know, like if they're real. I mean, I guess if I go have it done, they're gonna tell me they were real. But what maybe I lived in a past life.

SPEAKER_01 11:14

Well, I've already said this on here, but um, yeah, the last reader reading that I had done, and they said I was a Nazi in a past life.

unknown 11:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:23

So I said, like, yeah, I think I'm like too masculine, I have too much masculine energy or something. And they're like, Well, yes, that's because you were a German officer. You were a Nazi. And I was like, What? Like, what? And um, he said that like I was like really mean, really bad, but I was a male and my um girlfriend was worse than me, and so when I was around her and she was like so brutal to the Jews that like I would be worse around her. Okay, is a whole story.

SPEAKER_00 12:00

I'm like okay, you're back for your redemption round. So Yeah, right, right. You're not a Nazi now, right?

SPEAKER_01 12:08

Um okay, so let's get into your job.

Anxiety, Panic, And Finding Therapy

SPEAKER_00 12:14

Okay, I am the East Central Suicide Prevention Regional Coordinator that keep changing the stuff around it. I've been doing it for almost three years now, but before that I taught high school social studies for 10 years. And I really wanted out of the classroom. I was so burnt out on it. What grade? I taught ninth through twelfth grade. That's really hard. I loved when I taught seniors, ninth graders are the worst. They're just they're figuring their their lives out, like a lot's going on with them, but I did not love it. But it was never really the kids either. Like admin in Texas, it's very much like teach to the test, so you don't really get a lot of freedom in what you're teaching or like how you're teaching it. You have like so many days to get through this subject before there's gonna be a test, whatever. So I was burnt out on it. I moved back to Minnesota. I was hoping to not teach when I moved back, but in college, I was so excited with like my degree for education because I had like friends go into business and they're like, I don't know what I'm gonna do when I graduate, like, I could do so many things. And I was like, Well I know what I'm gonna do because I'm going to school to be a teacher, so that means I'm gonna be a teacher, and then I didn't want to do it anymore. And I was like, Cool, now I have a degree where I can only be a teacher, and so I moved back here. I took a massive pay cut to move back to Minnesota, and so then it really wasn't worth it. My last district was terrible for my mental health, like I would take half days all the time because I just needed to go home. So between that, not wanting to do it, and then the pay cut, I was like, I will find anything else. So I tried real estate for a hot minute, market wasn't great, and I was brand new to it, so I also subbed on the side, and then I wanted a job with the state because they posted a lot of like trainer jobs, and I was like, Cool, that's teaching. It's really hard to get in with the state unless you have like exact like what they're looking for. So because I'd never taught adults before, they were like, sorry, you can't, and then someone said, try the county, and so I looked all around and of the five county area, only Canabi County was hiring, and they were hiring for mental health, like public education, and I was like, Cool, that's still teaching, I can still go into the schools, talk about mental health, which I know I do more than students now, but uh having been a teacher, I was like, I know that they are struggling, so I can still kind of do that without having to deal with all of the negative stuff of teaching that I didn't like. Yeah, and now I am here almost three years later. This will be the longest I've stayed at any job. Um what made you want to get into social studies? I loved it in high school. I took every single social studies class that was offered, like right down to all of the electives, like Minnesota history. I don't really know why, other than like I know my love for like government and politics is the stupidest thing. Do you know the movie Dick with um Michelle Williams and Kirsten Dunst? It's about Watergate, but from a very teeny, like teeny bopper lens, that movie. I wrote a paper on Watergate in seventh grade because of that movie.

SPEAKER_01 15:42

And then I'll have to check it out.

SPEAKER_00 15:44

It's so good in a 90s like teen movie kind of way.

SPEAKER_01 15:50

Yeah. And you so you mentioned your own mental health. Um, so how did that play into your job?

SPEAKER_00 15:57

Um, so I was already not at a place where I was doing well anyway, like having just moved back. I've always kind of had like anxiety mental health issues. I don't think they were as bad in high school or college. I know I went to the doctor at one point in high school because I thought I was dying or having a heart attack, and the doctor was like, it's anxiety, get over it. And I just generally like think about it again, and then it was like the older that I got, like it was I was almost 30 or about 30, maybe like 29, when it started getting really bad. Um, and I'm going to blame a nurse for it. Like, I went to donate blood because I used to donate blood all the time, and I went in and my blood pressure was high. I still don't know why. But she was like, Your blood pressure is really high, you need to go to the ER, like you could have a stroke. So I didn't go to the ER, I didn't go to the doctor at all, but then like that kept like playing in my head, and so the next time like I felt weird, I drove myself to the ER and my blood pressure was high, but they ran a bunch of tests, nothing that happened again later, and I think that's kind of when like it started getting bad. Like I would experience anxiety and panic attacks more, and then so the job I was already not in a place mentally that I should have been like whatever, and then I hated the job, so I just did not want to be there, and like panic attacks would set in, and I would just leave halfway through the day.

SPEAKER_01 17:28

So, working with mental health, did that help give you some tools for yourself?

SPEAKER_00 17:34

Um, somewhat, and then I also I had one therapist when I had my last teaching job, so like three years ago now. Yeah, three, four years ago now. Um, she was fine. I'm in therapy again with a different therapist. I struggle with therapy because I don't know. It it is helpful and like I do go, but I think too critically, like I know it's because I don't let myself feel. So like I don't think that like talk therapy like really helps me a bunch. And that therapist, she was too nice, not that I want to mean one, but it was she was definitely very like, oh like it's okay, and like you seem like you got it together, so like it wasn't really helpful. So then I didn't go again for a while, and I think it was just like processing like everything that had been going on, and also now I'm medicated, so that all helped.

SPEAKER_01 18:28

Yeah. Well, I had a therapist that was too nice to like she just wanted to have conversations on like I have enough friends, yeah. Well she was focused on me.

SPEAKER_00 18:36

She was young, so then like it was also like sh like I I do I want to be an A plus like student even in therapy, but I was like, I feel like this girl's too like happy and like way too nice, and I don't want to rock your world. Oh gosh, yeah, like you can't even handle what I'm gonna tell you.

Naming Abuse And Planning An Exit

SPEAKER_01 18:55

Yeah, okay. So moving back from Texas, did you leave? I know you were in an abusive relationship while you were there. Did you leave because of that?

SPEAKER_00 19:04

Um, partly. I had already left the relationship, uh, but I had planned on leaving Texas multiple times before and I just like kept staying. Um, but when I left that relationship, I knew I didn't want to teach anymore. And so when I moved back, I was hoping to not teach. And then also I just I needed to be around my family and my friends. So like I was kind of already like planning on it, but if I hadn't left the relationship, I probably wouldn't have moved back. I would have stayed down there with him because he also had a kid who I adored. So obviously he wasn't going anywhere. So yes, I moved back because of the relationship, but also no, it was kind of just the catalyst that got me to move back finally after nine and a half years. How long were you with him? Just shy of a year and a half, so not a short amount of time, but not a super long time either. When did you realize it was abusive? In hindsight, um, pretty early on. Like I wouldn't say abusive early on, but there were there were red flags that I ignored right from the get-go. Um I don't think like it really, really clicked. I until we had like moved in together, which also did not take long, um six months maybe. I mean, we had unofficially been living together pretty much the whole time because he stayed at my place and just never left. Um, and then we moved in with his dad, like probably six months into it. And I would say after that, because I know I would like cry to my dog and be like, I promise I will get us out of this, and then didn't, didn't, didn't. He never, I I don't like qualifying it like this because abuse is still abuse. He never laid a hand on me. Um, and it was always like a oh, will he, won't he? Like, I don't think he will, like, he never has. And it wasn't until we were driving back to Minnesota for Christmas, and we were fighting, and he threw a charger block. I was driving, he threw a charger block at my head. I don't know if he meant to miss me or if he meant to hit me and he missed, but it hit the window and it bounced back. And I didn't realize till we got to the hotel that it like sliced to the inside of my ear. And so that was kind of the okay, it's not a will he, it's a when will he? And so I cried to my mom. I didn't tell her everything, but I cried to my mom about it like saying, like, I needed to leave the relationship, and then spent like the next month figuring out how I was going to leave.

SPEAKER_01 21:51

So he's up in Minnesota visiting your family, and you have to drive all the way back down together. But in your head, you had made the decision that you were going to. Dave.

Healing, Boundaries, And Red Flags

SPEAKER_00 22:00

Yes. Like I was always walking on eggshells anyway, but like that last month I was trying not to like let anything slip because he was gone when I left. He was at work when I left. So he did not know until he came home from work that I was gone. Honestly, that's the best way to do it because otherwise it's like just the fighting and the manipulation and the Well, and I didn't want to let anything on because I other red flag, the way he would talk about his exes, like they were the problem. Um I knew how they had ended, and so I knew if I like said anything, he would essentially throw me out right then and there. And so like I needed a place to go, and yeah, like I knew there would just be like fighting, and who knows like how else he would have handled it. So I had a plan to leave like during the day on a Friday. My parents and my brother drove down, and I was gonna leave on a Friday. Like, I was gonna pretend to go to work, really go to their hotel, they were gonna come back, we were gonna move out all the stuff while he was gone. But then he texted me while I was at work a couple days earlier, being like, Hey, like, is everything okay? Because we had been fighting. Um, is everything okay? Like, you still seem like things aren't like going well, and I was like, I can't lie, I can't be like, yeah, everything's fine, and then just leave two days later. But I also wasn't going to get into it over text. So I was just like, Well, there are still some things that are bothering me. Like, we'll talk about it when I get home. I found someone to cover my last period class. I left, I packed up as much as I could. One of my coworkers came when the school day was finished. She packed up the rest of what she could. I know that there's stupid things, but I know there's like stupid things that like I left behind because I was like, whatever we can take now, this is what we're doing. So I wound up leaving two days earlier than I had planned. I took the rest of the week off of work, and then my parents and my brother did show up on Friday, and yeah, we just hung out for the weekend. Oh, did you let work know? Like I didn't know. Um, I had already had to just get out, yeah. I had already had Friday off. I told like my I don't know, you don't really have a supervisor, but like my department head, I guess, um, that I like had something going on and I had someone to who were in my class and I was like leaving, and then I just took the next two days off. She kind of knew after. I don't know how much like she didn't know the full extent of it, but um a couple coworkers were like, no, like she's just like dealing with some relationship stuff, like whatever, so she's not gonna be here.

SPEAKER_01 24:32

So and then so then you went straight back to Minnesota. So no, I finished out the school year. Oh, because that was oh, so they came down to help you move your stuff out into a new place.

SPEAKER_00 24:42

Yeah, and then they went back. I see, yeah, because and that was part of it because I'd had a roommate when I moved back down to Houston, and so part of the reason I didn't leave was because I was like, I can't afford to live by myself, and I already gave up my apartment with that roommate, so what now? And so they also gave me$200, like my parents did, gave me$200 a month to help like pay for my bills, whatever. Yeah, they helped me move into my new place, and then they went back to Minnesota. They came back like a month later because they always would come back in like February, March just to visit. So yeah, they came back, they did that, and then I finished out the school year and I moved back to Minnesota in June of that year.

SPEAKER_01 25:25

It's nice that they're so helpful. Yeah, comes with a lot of guilt, I'm sure, though. Like Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:32

I think my dad knows even less than my mom knows, but even that, like once he knew like that I kind of needed to leave or whatever without knowing the full extent of it, like he would text me every morning, just like something, just to make sure that I was texting him back.

SPEAKER_01 25:49

So your parents sound so great. They are. Um, so how long has or are you healed from that relationship? Like I think, yes.

SPEAKER_00 26:01

Overall, I think yes, I am. I think that relationship also it helped me, like I know for sure what I don't want in a relationship. Um And now you know like the red flags, like take it serious right away. Yes, I know the red flags to take serious right away. I would say, I don't know if this is like unhealed or not, but I also don't really care about being in a relationship anymore. Like if I if I found someone where I could still live my life exactly how I want to live my life, and I don't know that I ever want to live with a man again. Like I love my space, um, I would be okay with that if I could still like live my life and they could have their life, and we would do things together. Other than that, uh, I think that relationship, I was like, I I don't know that I need a relationship ever again.

SPEAKER_01 26:54

Was he a narcissist? Absolutely. Um, so you always see all these things like, oh, narcissists attract this type of person. Is there anything that you think about yourself that that's why he um chose you to abuse and be in a relationship with?

Pruning Friendships And COVID Effects

SPEAKER_00 27:12

Probably. Um, I really hate saying that. Like I am an empath. I don't like that, but I am like I'm very empathetic towards people. Also, I lived in Houston when I first moved to Texas, then I moved to Dallas, and when I moved back, pretty much everyone that I'd been friends with before had either already left or they were married with kids, so they just like already had stuff going on. So I didn't really have anyone when I moved back to Houston, and I met him three days after moving into my apartment, and he kind of knew my roommate, like they'd worked out at the same gym. She made him seem like he was great. Um, I think she knew he wasn't great, and then I met some of who I thought were his friends, and so Tay that I had to reach out to. That's how I met her, because my ex, his name is Danny, um, worked with her brother, and so they were friends, and they happened to live right across the parking lot from us, so we always hung out, and then that's another reason I didn't leave because I thought that they were all better friends than they were, and so I was like, well, if I leave, like I'm gonna lose then. I obviously won them in the breakup, but like that was also part of it. So I think because yes, like I am very empathetic towards people. I used to be a lot bigger of a people pleaser than I am now, but also I didn't really have anyone else.

SPEAKER_01 28:47

So, like, yeah, that's why you were like the perfect victim, like, oh, she just got here, and I mean, not that they're always consciously thinking like that, but um yeah, I mean, you're such an independent person, and I think that they um really do go after independent people because then it's more of a a feat to overcome.

SPEAKER_00 29:05

Yeah, you know, yeah. Like when I told like some of my other friends, like once I was out, they're like, I can't believe like you, like you're the same person I once broke up with a guy. It was not the whole reason, it was just the child that broke the camel's back um for eating my ice cream. So like I used to like very much like not put up with people's shit. And so they're like, I can't believe like that happened to you. And I'm like, if I was still living in Dallas or if I was like living here in Minnesota, I was like, that relationship absolutely would not have happened because I would have had like that support system and people to point out like girl run.

Identity, Small Towns, And Self

SPEAKER_01 29:40

And the guilt that I brought up, I mean, because there's so much guilt with staying too when you know you should leave, but you can't, and then like you know, you grow up judging the women that don't leave. Yeah, and then you're in that relationship, and there's so many things and so many reasons, and maybe it's to make us more empathetic of those people because you understand that it's just not that easy, right? Yeah, there's so many factors, and like friends and your social network, like that's all any of us want is to fit in and be a part of a tribe, like that's in our DNA, we can't help it. Yeah, so you're in a foreign land, like just trying to figure it out.

SPEAKER_00 30:18

Yeah, yeah, I definitely agree. That relationship was like, why don't people just leave?

SPEAKER_01 30:23

And then I was like, Oh, I because you doubt yourself, they they get you to doubt yourself, and you're constantly like, Oh, well, I just need to compromise more. They are a good person because they're so like up and down and they're so giving in some ways, and they're everybody else like thinks that they're great in some circumstances, you know, depending on the type. But so then you're like, This is me, it's all in my head, I'm crazy, but you know, yeah, like there, yeah, there's gonna get better cycle thing to it.

SPEAKER_00 30:51

Also, the only other like real, like official relationship I'd had before then was my like high school college boyfriend. All the rest were more like situationships where like they didn't really care like what I did with my own time. And so I also didn't know like what real arguments looked like or how like couples like actually handle them because no one talks about like when they're fighting with their significant other. So I was like, maybe this is normal until like it got too far, and I was like, there's no way this is normal. But then also, yeah, like I don't want to tell people, I didn't want to be like, hey, so this is what my boyfriend's doing.

SPEAKER_01 31:29

And we think sometimes that love is chasing and love is trying to be validated, and it's you know, these highs and these lows, but it's not, it's like when your energy is calm, but you doubt yourself because you're like, Yeah, I think this is what love is supposed to be, and you know, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:49

I remember crying the day that he was he did meet my parents, but that day, like when we were supposed to go meet them, like I was crying, and he was like, What's wrong? And I was like so nervous, and I think it was because like I never wanted him to like meet any of my friends because deep down, like I knew it was not good, and I was like, someone else is gonna see it, and are they gonna say something? And if they do, what am I gonna do about it?

Rethinking Marriage, Kids, And Meaning

SPEAKER_01 32:17

So yeah, it's wild. Well, um, thank you for sharing that because that I mean even just makes me feel better about the guilt from the relationship that I stayed in, you know. But like when you know it's not right, why would you stay in it? But there's you have to live it to understand.

SPEAKER_00 32:34

Yeah, yeah, there's a lot more nuance to it.

SPEAKER_01 32:38

Yeah, um, is there anything that's been on your mind lately?

SPEAKER_00 32:43

Um I feel like the only thing that's on my mind lately, and we don't really have to get into it, uh, is just the state of the world. Yeah, I feel like that's constantly on my mind right now.

SPEAKER_01 32:55

Yeah. Understandable. Um, what have you changed your mind about in the past few years?

SPEAKER_00 33:01

Um staying friends with people just because you've been friends for a long time. Um I've gotten really good in the past year or so of just cutting people out of my life who like no longer either like I don't align with them or they are super negative, toxic, whatever, or we've just kind of like drifted apart and it's like forcing it to still like be a friendship. I don't know. Like time of a friendship is no longer as important to me. Like, obviously, like you have like lifelong friends, and like that's really great that like you've been lifelong friends, but also like that Tay girl, like we were really close, probably a little trauma bonding there. Uh, but we were really close right away. And so, like, I've realized it doesn't matter like if you've been friends with someone for 15 years or like a month or two, they can both be the same.

Big Travel Plans And A Cattle Drive

SPEAKER_01 34:03

Yeah, that connection is all that matters, and yeah, I think movies kind of ruin that for us growing up. It's like you fantasize being friends with the same people your whole life, and that's just not realistic. People change so much, and just because you were born in the same town and went to the same school doesn't mean that you have to stay friends forever. And a lot of times those are trauma bonds and they are unhealthy because you went through stuff in high school together. I think I just heard I I heard yesterday, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to explain it, but that those plans that you make that you're not sure if you even want to be around that person or not, is worse for your mental health than just doing something that you don't want to do. Because it can be good to do things that you don't want to do, but when you're like, Oh, I really like I don't even know if I connect with this person anymore, I don't know if I want to be in that venue, blah, blah, blah. Like that is the wondering about it, something about that makes it like worse, and you're supposed to just say no.

SPEAKER_00 35:04

I can see that.

SPEAKER_01 35:05

But I mean, that's such a fine line, too, because you have to say yes more. We all have to say yes more to getting out and doing stuff too. Like, because at least for me, like COVID made me stay home so much more, and I like I just don't even want people as much as I used to. And sometimes you have to just make yourself get out there and do the things.

SPEAKER_00 35:24

Yeah, no, I I agree. COVID definitely I was always kind of a homebody, but like COVID made it worse. I became, I don't know, I'm wearing jeans right now, but I became a leggings person. I was adamant that leggings were not pants up until COVID, and now I live in them. Yeah. Um, but also I think yes, like we have to say yes to more things, but if you want to say no, like why do you want to say no? Is it because you don't want to be with that person or you just don't want to leave your house?

SPEAKER_01 35:53

Yes, there should be like a whole list at the door of like, you know, why am I not going? Answer and be truthful to yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Good call.

SPEAKER_00 36:04

When do you feel most like yourself? Okay, so I did think about this question. I think I am getting better at like being who I feel like I truly am. Um, I don't like my answer only because I feel like it is possibly going to upset some people or make people, I don't know, take offense to it. I feel like I was most myself when I lived in Texas because I moved there at like 22, didn't know anybody, so like I got to become an adult all on my own, like with no previous expectations. Like, I got to be whoever I wanted to be and grow up essentially. And then I came back here, and I feel like I'm still like more of myself, but also I moved back to a small town where I feel like there is a lot of like preconceived this is who you were type of stuff. So I feel like I'm getting better at being completely myself, but it was definitely a struggle when I first moved back.

SPEAKER_01 37:21

Was it when you got to Texas, you're like, I can be whoever I want to be? Yeah. And now you're like, oh, I'm back into who more sad I was. Interesting. Has the meaning of life changed to you at all? I don't know. What the meaning of life is?

How Friends See Brianne

SPEAKER_00 37:41

I don't know what the meaning of life has necessarily changed. Um what I want out of life has certainly changed. I always thought that I would get married right out of college, start having kids at like 25. I wanted like three to four kids at one point. And I was like, that is what makes a happy life. Like you settle down, get married, have babies, live in the suburbs in your little subdivision, and that is life. And now I just love learning new things and experiencing new places. So I don't know, maybe the meaning is always changing, evolving. But I definitely don't want the same things anymore. Now I think I'm too selfish to have kids because I've made it to 37 without a kid, and I know my life would drastically change and I would love them, but either they would have a bad childhood or I would be mentally unwell because I would give everything to that kid.

SPEAKER_01 38:46

And you've learned that you need to give to yourself first before you can to other people.

SPEAKER_00 38:50

Yeah.

unknown 38:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:52

And then the adventures would have to change.

SPEAKER_00 38:55

Yeah, they would change. I like that I can essentially I mean, I have a dog, so like they are needier than cats, but I can still essentially do whatever I want whenever I want.

SPEAKER_01 39:05

Do you have any adventures coming up? Yes.

SPEAKER_00 39:08

Um, I have this problem of where I don't usually travel in the like end of the year, and so I start to go stir crazy, so I plan too many trips. So I'm going to Texas at the end of this month for a week. I'm also going to Florida in October. I'm doing a cattle drive. I'm gonna go play Cowgirl in Kansas in May, and then also I'm taking a road trip to Nebraska for a concert and then doing the Pacific Coast Highway in September.

SPEAKER_03 39:36

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 39:36

So yes, that's so awesome. But then no more. I cannot add any more to 2026 because my bank account says so.

SPEAKER_01 39:43

Yeah, I love how every year towards the end of the year, friends are like, Oh, do you want to do this trip? Do you want to do that? And I'm like, You gotta catch me like at least a year in advance. Like, I have too many plans. This year I'm not really doing anything, but um, so I can just say no a little bit easier. But otherwise, everybody's like, You do so much, do something with me. Just like we can book it, but it's gonna be like any year.

SPEAKER_00 40:04

Right, yeah. Well, when you guys were talking about going to Iceland, right? Is that where it was and then you went to Banff instead? Um, you guys were talking about that, and my friend Bridget has gone to like Europe a couple times, like they've gone to Scotland, Ireland, whatever. I'm like, I need to stop taking so many trips so that I can like go abroad, but then I book a million trips, and I'm like, Well, not this year.

SPEAKER_01 40:23

Yeah, that's what you can't you do have that part in your brain where you can't say no to trips. It sounds like and kennel driving, that's something I've always wanted to bring my dad to do. Yeah, like I just think that would be so fun. Yeah, but he's like, uh he like thinks it'd be the idea of it's cool to him, but like actually doing it, he's like, Yeah, yeah, we'll see how it goes.

SPEAKER_00 40:44

I realized this morning, because like they made a Facebook group about it, and they're like, introduce yourself. And I was like, they're like also like what's your experience on a horse, like whether like you've never been on one or whatever. And I was like, I know I have, and I scrolled back, it's been almost 10 years since I've been on a horse, so we'll see how this goes.

Nash The Bar Dog And Animal Love

SPEAKER_01 41:02

I'm sure you'll pick it right back up. Yeah. All right. Well, now we're to the segment where I reveal to you how people see you. So I asked you to give me the names and numbers of people I could reach out to that know you well, and I asked them to describe you in six to seven adjectives, and I put those words in the themes, and I do this because I think we're just really bad at seeing ourselves, how other people do.

SPEAKER_00 41:28

Only part that I'm nervous about.

SPEAKER_01 41:30

Yeah, it seems that's how everybody seems. Yeah. Like, do you have any guesses?

SPEAKER_00 41:37

No, I don't want to guess. I told, I told everyone, they're like, Oh, like either she has reached out or she hasn't yet. I go, do not tell me what you said. I don't want to know. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01 41:46

Well, and you will actually have six themes because uh they just don't fit in five. So first one is loyal, four people said loyal, dependable, unconditional, and compassionate. Second one is adventurous, three people said adventurous, free-spirited, curious, independent. Third word is passionate, three people said passionate. So, like the categories were very easy to figure out right away. Um, also under that is ambitious, determined, and outspoken. Fourth word is radiant, you're authentic, genuine, magnetic, unforgettable, and irreplaceable. Fifth is anchored, resilient, strong, grounded, stubborn, and two people said, organized. And sixth is perceptive, because you're smart, introspective, witty, and snarky. And your synopsis is that you aren't drifting through life, you are choosing it. Passion is your compass, curiosity is your flame. Clear in your mind, grounded in your way, your fire knows where it's going.

SPEAKER_00 43:01

I like it.

SPEAKER_01 43:02

And yeah, that fits well because I think you have a plan for for life, and you're doing it. Yeah. So please remember you are not these words, you are not your thoughts. You are the space between the words, the space between the thoughts. You are the one who knows you have thoughts, observe them, reflect on them, but no, you are not them. Um, you also got described as an animal lover, but that didn't like fit in any of the categories. Yeah. So you've talked about your dog a few times, so this tracks. I think that's the first time I've ever used that sentence. This tracks, but that's what the kids say, right?

SPEAKER_00 43:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:42

Yeah.

Nature Club Origins And Early Media

SPEAKER_00 43:43

Okay. He's the best thing I ever brought home from a bar. What's his name? Nash. What's that story? Brought him home from the bar? I am so glad that I have him. Uh, he was not a planned dog. One of my co workers was moving, and so we went out to I say bar, but it's Like a kind of like a tap house type thing, but it was dog friendly. And so we went there. There was a mom dog with puppies and their owners. And the mom was a farm dog, and she accidentally got knocked up. It was not planned on their part either. And so I was like, Don't get a dog, you can't have a dog. I wasn't gonna pay for one. I'd always told myself that I wanted a blue healer if I ever got a dog. Um, but he's not full. Blue healer, he's a Corgi blue healer pit bull mix. Oh wow. Um, and I was like, Well, I can't afford one, like, I'm not gonna get one. I was starting a new job an hour and a half from where I live, where I was like teaching and coaching, so I was not gonna be home. They were free. Um, and I was like holding him. He was the runt, he's the only one that was colored like him. The rest were all brown, and some other girl was like, Oh, can I hold this one? And I was like, No, but the brothers are also available, and that's how he came home with me.

SPEAKER_01 44:59

You got so protective. Yeah, and I love that. Like, it's like a baby, like it was an unplanned, unplanned baby.

SPEAKER_00 45:08

I cried on the floor like two weeks into, and I called my mom and I was like, I don't think you're getting grandkids because if I can't handle a puppy, how am I gonna handle a baby? She was like, It's fine, it's different. And I was like, Yeah, I can just leave the puppy. I can't just leave a baby.

SPEAKER_01 45:24

No, my dog Polka was so much harder than my son as a baby, like so needy, kind, you know, needs everything. James well, James is an extra good baby, too. He's just like never like he didn't have terrible twos, he didn't ever uh anything. He was just chill. So I get that. I mean, puppies are tough.

SPEAKER_00 45:46

Yeah, but we survived till be nine in April.

SPEAKER_01 45:48

So what other animals do you love?

SPEAKER_00 45:51

Uh cows are my favorite.

SPEAKER_01 45:53

Oh I'll have to start sending you cows TikToks like I do, Ashley.

Advice To The Next Generation

SPEAKER_00 45:58

She I love cows. Uh when I was little, I loved penguins, they were my favorite. I tried to convince my parents to like put a dog door in the freezer so I could get a penguin. Obviously didn't happen, but cute.

SPEAKER_01 46:10

Cute. Awesome. So not planning on having oh, before that question, your friend said um that you guys invented a podcast when you were little kids, basically, in Nature Club. Oh my god, rude.

SPEAKER_00 46:24

We tried, we were ahead of our time. Uh we recorded on cassettes. Who we were gonna mail these to, I don't know. She ruined it because I was like, I have to go to the bathroom and don't tell them that I have to go to the bathroom. She's like, Okay, well, like I'll just keep rolling. I listened back to it. She was like, bring us at the bathroom right now. Yeah, we tried to start a nature club, and so we were gonna record. If YouTube had been a thing, we would have been YouTube famous. Seriously, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:49

That's awesome. And yeah, that's what she said is she like just couldn't think of anything else to say, so she had to bring it up, and that you were so mad at her.

SPEAKER_00 46:56

So mad that's so funny. For the no one that we mailed it out to.

SPEAKER_01 46:59

Do you still have it someplace?

SPEAKER_00 47:01

I probably do somewhere. Oh my gosh, I'm gonna do it.

SPEAKER_01 47:04

But yeah, yeah. Okay, so what do you hope kids in the generation being born right now do when they are your age that you do?

SPEAKER_00 47:15

Something that you're proud that you do, and I hope that they see new things, like they get out and explore, especially like all kids, but especially kids from a small town. I hope, even if they come back, that they get out of their bubble and experience new things.

SPEAKER_01 47:34

I like to think of traveling as like a video game, and every place that you go someplace, you like get to a new level in your body, like something happens where you're just like you can't unsee it. Yeah, you can't unexperience that. Yeah. So I'm trying to get literally everywhere. Yeah. Um, and what do you do that you hope that they don't do? What vices do you have?

Doomscrolling, Limits, And Habits

SPEAKER_00 48:00

I spend way too much time on social media. Maybe that won't even be a thing anymore when they're my age. Uh the doom scrolling is is bad. Um that's a vice that I have. Otherwise, also just like the trying to be perfect or being a people pleaser and worrying more about other people than myself. I'm getting better at it. But I also I know other kids struggle with it. That cousin that I started, the Nature Club, with uh her daughter just turned 15. She, I want to be her when I grow up. Like, she's already like, I don't need a boyfriend. Like, she has one now, but she's like, I don't need one. Like, if that's why she has one because she's magnetic because she's not a big one. Like, this is high school, and she does like whatever she wants. Like, she doesn't worry about what her friends think. I'm like, I want to be you when I grow up.

SPEAKER_01 48:54

That's amazing. Yeah, I love that. Um, the doom scrolling. I heard something today on a podcast about how when you say you're just not gonna do it, it's kind of like like we're comparing it to like drugs or alcohol, and just like you have to quit it completely when it should be compared more to like overeating because you can't get away from it. Like you're gonna need to connect with people through your job through for your family that's out of state. Like we shouldn't say that we're just not gonna do it. We should just figure out how to help a healthy relationship with it the same way as food. So I really liked that. I have a I'd say I have a healthy relationship with um social media right now. I mean, I hate going on Facebook and seeing our stuff even, but um, it's just it's just tough. But like even TikTok, I mean, in 2020 I was like four hours a day. Yeah. And then I stopped for six months, and now it's like I have to put on my to-do list, like because I don't have time to TikTok and I want it in my life because all my TikToks are either funny or like spiritual into like people that are into the same things I'm into. So I'm like, Yeah, I I um that is one thing that I'm really healthy with right now. Um but I really liked hearing that analogy today.

SPEAKER_00 50:15

I like that too. I just need to go back to like putting limits on my phone. For a while I did, like I couldn't be on it like anything except for like text messages. Snapchat also stayed because there were some people that I only talked to on Snapchat and then like Facebook Messenger, but like everything else, I couldn't do it if it was before 6 a.m. and I couldn't do it after 10 p.m. But I was also always turning it off. Like if I was traveling, I was like, traveling doesn't count, and then it just got to where I just never turned it back on, or I would set like time limits, and then I would not go on TikTok all day because I was like, I need this before bed, and I don't want to like waste my TikTok time now. So I need to do that again. I just haven't.

Closing Reflections

SPEAKER_01 50:54

I've done that too, and then like it's like oh your time is up, but then you're just like push, okay, I'm gonna have more. Yeah, but um, so maybe that's you have to double stack it. I just got done writing atomic habits and it's like about stacking. So putting the time limits on, but then also saying if I make it a month without um pushing the add more time, then go book another trip. Yeah or something. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 51:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:23

Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?

SPEAKER_00 51:26

I don't think so.

SPEAKER_01 51:27

Okay. Well, thanks so much for coming on. It was so fun. Yeah, thanks for having me.

SPEAKER_00 51:31

Yeah, of course.