Saving Myself One Small Decision At A Time - Arin

A craving isn’t always “I want a drink” so much as “I don’t want to feel this.” Arin gets brutally honest about what alcohol did for him at first, what it started costing him, and what changed when he decided enough was enough. With more than 200 days sober, he walks us through the emotional roots of drinking, the triggers that still show up, and the small decision that matters most in the moment: pause before you react.

We talk about the real mechanics of alcohol addiction recovery, not the highlight-reel version. Aaron describes stress cravings, feeling disrespected, and the mental tug-of-war that can hit out of nowhere, then shares the coping skills he learned in treatment that help him reset. We also get into AA and NA, why “addiction is addiction,” and how the idea of a higher power can be personal and nonjudgmental. If you’ve ever felt weird about meetings, rehab, or asking for help, this conversation gives you language that makes it feel reachable.

The story expands into faith, family trauma, and rebuilding identity after survival mode. Aaron opens up about setting boundaries, the slow path toward forgiveness, and using self-affirmations to change his inner voice. We also pivot to purpose and community: his axe-throwing venture as a sober way to have fun, and his long-term dream of building a homeless shelter because he knows that struggle firsthand.

If you’re working on sobriety, supporting someone who is, or trying to build a better life from a hard past, hit play, then subscribe, share this with a friend, and leave a review with the one tool that helps you stay steady.

0:00 Welcome And Aaron's Sobriety Reset

0:13 Why "Dear Alcohol" Hits Home

4:15 Cravings, Triggers, And The Pause

6:13 A Sunday Morning Wake Up Call

10:20 Inside Treatment: Skills That Stick

12:28 AA, NA, And Higher Power

21:20 Starting Young And Finding Real Friends

23:47 Family Pain And Boundaries For Now

30:37 Faith Means Taking The Next Step

41:16 Axe Throwing As Sober Fun

44:08 How Others See Aaron Now

50:43 Affirmations And Reparenting Your Mind

56:31 Why A Homeless Shelter Matters

59:04 Final Reflections And Gratitude

Transcript

Welcome And Aaron's Sobriety Reset

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Supernaut, where we explore the inner and outer dimensions of the self. Today my guest is Aaron Campa. Aaron hasn't had alcohol in 204 days, and he just helped open the first X throwing in Mora. Um, so I asked you to pick a song for us to listen to before we started. What song did you pick?

SPEAKER_03 0:19

It was Dear Alcohol by Dex.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

Why did you pick that one?

SPEAKER_03 0:24

Um, it was it's a song I really relate to due to my the reason why I drank, which was because of my mental health, and I didn't know how to handle my emotions and how to properly talk about them and didn't feel comfortable enough to go about like reaching out, you know. I felt like that was just not an option based on how I was raised. And finally I guess I realized that it don't matter if you're a man or woman or you know, young child, like you can always speak up and ask for help and don't be scared to because some things do get to be too much in life.

SPEAKER_00 1:17

You gonna talk about your feelings, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:19

Yeah, you know, like I mean like that that was the biggest thing. Um like I didn't know how to deal with my emotions really. Um it was kind of I was scatterbrained, and that's and when I drank it made me feel calm, made me feel at peace, like but then every day it was just I wake up and it's there again, and it took me so long to realize like, hey, enough is enough, you know? Um a lot longer than it should have, I will say that, but it's the fact that like now I now that I did get sober, every day is a new day for me. Like every day I work on myself and who I am and better myself every day. Like I everything I do, I I do what I think about before I do things more now and make sure that it's gonna come out the right way, not sound rude or like how I talk to people in general, you know, and just how I communicate and how I treat people, my demeanor. Even if I'm having a bad day, knowing how to control that and put on that happy face and not let like my customers know that, you know, I'm having something's irritating me, you know. And you know, it's me being able to put on that that sort of front in a sense for business-wise too, that you know, it's like a professionalism, I feel like, type of thing. And for that I'm thankful for because if I wasn't sober, I wouldn't be where I am today and have these opportunities that I have had in the past. Because I will say this right now, the person I was before six and three-quarters of a month ago, and before that, I was a terrible person. Like it was it's I've had a crazy 360 of a turnaround. And for the people that have been around me and know that and know that how serious I am taking my sobriety, is they know, you know, like it's a big thing for me, and I'm glad for all my support for that. Because if I didn't have the support that I came back to, then I honestly would probably be back to drinking, but thank God for the support, you know.

Cravings, Triggers, And The Pause

SPEAKER_00 4:04

Yeah, it was such a beautiful song. I think so many people can relate. I hope people check that song out. It was just literally beautiful. And uh what so much of us go through with alcohol. So was this the first time you like decided to quit drinking, or had you tried other times and failed?

SPEAKER_03 4:22

I tried, like, I think the most I got was like a week before.

SPEAKER_00 4:28

How many times had you tried?

A Sunday Morning Wake Up Call

SPEAKER_03 4:30

Like once or twice. Um, I tried once or twice before, both times were like a week, you know, like wasn't long. The cravings were really bad for the first for for them two times, and it's hard to explain what that feels like. A craving? Yeah, because like it's different for everybody, you know, um, have different side effects. Like for me, of one of my cravings is how I know I'm having a craving is if I get stressed out, if something happens like during the day that just like oh like a trigger and do that kind of things triggered you, yeah. Like there's certain things like like if somebody makes me feel like I'm not doing something right, or if somebody makes, you know, makes me feel some type of way, like emotionally back to that emotions, you know, the reason why I drink. If somebody gets me, does something that I don't particularly like and I feel like they were root or disrespectful, um that's when kind of I have to sit there and pause, and in my in the back of my head, and I've learned this throughout these past couple months, is that as a you learn as you go through sobriety, you learn that it's all mental, it's all about the mentality, like hey, if you want it, you are gonna go get it. Like, and that's the mentality I had about going into my sobriety. And to start off, that is what I'm gonna explain to you is the little bit of a story. So I woke up on a Sunday morning go and I was getting ready for church, and I've sit sat down, I was tying my shoes, and I was about to leave the house and go to church. And I go to the D church now in town. Uh, and um I I sat there and I was just kind of dozed off, and the Lord spoke to me, and something in my head just told me, like, hey, you can't drink no more. You can't, you can't, like it's not enough is enough, you know? And I went to church, walked up to church, w went to service, went to worship, and after church, I talked to my my youth leader and my um um my pastor Randy about this. And I talked to them, got their you know, opinions, and they knew a lot about my addiction and stuff, and they knew I had a problem, you know, and so I talked to them. They were like, Yeah, we think that would be awesome for you, but make sure it's faith-based. And so um that next day, Monday, I called. I went up to the library and I called and two places it was North Star Regional and Osego, oh men's facility, or it was Lake Place, way up north, a beautiful place though. It was on the lake, had your own cabin, you know, like looked like a beautiful place. But I told myself, I was like, I'm gonna take the first one that comes up because I need it, and so I made phone calls to both places, and then I I was having trouble doing that, um, like getting directly, you know, a hold of them. And so I called, I I looked up, I got told about this peer recovery specialist, and a shout out to the lady at the library, um, sh one of the workers there, she uh her husband was actually a peer recovery specialist based out of Pine City, and she called him for me and I talked to him, and he told me, he did some research, called me back, and I got in the North Star that Tuesday. So that Tuesday morning I met him up at the library and he drove me to North Star. And I was there from October 14th from to November 17th, which is a 35-day about the minimum, some people there for 40s to max. Um, and then yeah, I mean that's how my journey got started. Like, um, if it wasn't for God, I don't know where I would be at right now. Like, I don't think this change would have came to me.

SPEAKER_00 9:20

Had anything happened the day before? Like, or did you drink the day before you went to church? Just was it a normal day or just a normal day.

Inside Treatment: Skills That Stick

SPEAKER_03 9:28

I mean, every day was a drinking day for me when I was drinking. Like, I mean, it was a constant, you know? Like, I need it, I need it, like all throughout the day. Like, and it's like I could not be happy without it. Like, I was not a happy person. I was always sad. Now, me having to face my feelings and my emotions, you know, it's tough. Some days are tougher than others, you know, still to this day, but it's about what I learned in treatment because I had to do eight-hour classes, you know. I had the mental health class, you know, I had the coping skills classes, worksheets every week that I did that I had to turn like packets like 30 pages long that I had to fill out throughout the week, and every week I would meet with my counselor and turn them into her, you know, uh, stuff like that. And uh overall, like a lot of people like look at treatment like you can't help yourself, like you're not strong enough, like, you know, and it's like don't think about it like that, because that's honestly the worst way you could ever think about anything as a perspective in life in general. Like, oh, you're too good, but that's what you're acting like, you know. Like, why are you too good for treatment? Everybody has a problem.

SPEAKER_00 10:55

I agree, it's just like school. What are you not gonna go to school to be a lawyer? Or like, you know, because you don't know those things. Nobody ever taught us the coping skills or how to make better decisions and how to feel our feelings because we were told not to feel our feelings and walk it off. But exactly, I agree so much and love what you're saying. This is so great.

SPEAKER_02 11:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:15

Um, so now you were just able to go back to everything that you learned. Like if somebody triggers you now, you pause and you'll remember what you learned. Is that what you said?

AA, NA, And Higher Power

SPEAKER_03 11:26

Yeah, um, now if anything kind of triggers me or makes me kind of go back to that mindset, so to say, um, I kind of put myself, I stop, like you said, pause, and I just sit there, think to myself, like, how am I gonna react to this? Am I gonna let this get to me? How do I not let this get to me? And I think back on what I learned throughout the 35 days. And now it's becomes easier every day. I mean, I sit there, pause, take it the sometimes I take a few deep breaths, and I just sit there and like, you know, just kind of meditate kind of a little bit. Now, if I'm at work, I you know sometimes I can't do that. Uh, I'll clean, you know. I'll just, you know, I find different things to do, you know, and that's another big thing about sobriety is finding stuff to do, keeping yourself busy all the time. Like, boringness is what's gonna bring you back to using. And another big thing is is uh that I do want to point out and get out there is addiction is not only addiction is an addiction, okay? Alcohol and drugs is the same thing, addiction is an addiction. A lot of people say that oh, NA is different than AA, okay. To a point, like their their uh kind of papers and kind of you know guidelines, whatever, certain aspects of NA are different, yes. But the book of NA, the whole base uh like the base of NA, the book, is the same thing as AA, like plot to, you know, the the steps.

SPEAKER_00 13:22

It's just changing thought patterns.

SPEAKER_03 13:24

Yeah, it's just a different thought pattern because users have different thought patterns than alcoholics.

SPEAKER_00 13:30

Alcoholics think differently than users, because it's a whole different type of mind, or gamblers or porn addiction, it's just all like your thoughts think that you need that, so it's slowly changing those thought patterns, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:44

And that's all it's doing, and it's crazy to think about that because there's a lot of science that goes behind this, behind addiction, because it's it's wild to think about. There's so much stuff that I learned, like I don't remember all of it, but like I do remember one thing that stuck out to me in my mental health class um there um was and this was a professor he taught at multiple universities all throughout the states, and his name was Glenn. He was a very good guy, very knowledgeable, like smart, like his IQ was up there, and he's he's working at this treatment center. He told us all the time, he's like, the reason I work here is not because I get paid uh a crap ton. He's like, I could go somewhere else and get paid. He's like, but he's like, I love to help people, I want to help people who want to help themselves. And by you guys being here, it doesn't matter if you're court-ordered here, if you're uh here on your own. Hats off to you, but it's the fact that you're here trying to get help, and I want that, and I love to see that, and that said a lot to me because he used to be a gambler, like he he went through two, three houses from gambling addictions, like had to sell and buy it, you know, and it was just crazy. He had his own store, you know, and it's crazy because just because you guys don't have the same addiction, it's still so relatable, and people just misjudge that. And now I'm almost seven months sober, 14 days away from being seven months, and I've got so much going for me, and I'm so proud of myself, but you know, I'm not the type of guy that, you know, is like selfish and never have ever been for the people that know me, you know. Like if it wasn't for the people around me and for my support, you know, my support group and AA meetings around town. I want to give a shout out to those, you know. And uh um me having the opportunity to go to treatment, me checking myself into treatment, having the the willingness and the powerfulness to realize and become open-minded with myself, you know. It's it's a blessing in disguise, you know, like it really is. I finally got the I felt like the power and the willingness, the powerfulness and the willingness, you know, to do that. And with that, that treatment brought me miracles in my life. Like I led an AA meeting. I was a leader of an AA meeting there. Um, every night um we had um this, it was called a peer leader um peer-led um AA group. And we had AA, NA, and you know, different groups that every night you have to go to one. It was a must, like a priority, like they would mark you down and stuff. But and I got the opportunity to lead that there, and it was a it was awesome, you know, because at first, you know, the AA book and all that, brand new to me. Nobody's gonna just fall into that right away. And that's the biggest thing that I need to express is that when they talk about having a higher power, that doesn't have to be God. That doesn't have to be, it can be whoever you want it to be. A lot of people that go into that and try working the program, that's what they get stuck on is oh, I don't believe in God. That's okay. That's it, doesn't matter if you don't believe in God or not. It's whoever you want to believe. You could you you you could be like, my higher power is this plant here that I got for my grandma, or this, you know, something that means something to you, or it could be anything you want it to be. This is my higher power, and this is what I'm gonna look at when I have those feelings of like, hey, I want to do that again, but this is what's gonna be like, no, I can't do it again, or someone something to look at and be like, look up to, you know, someone you look up to in life. It could be a variety of things, whatever you want, and a lot of people get stuck on that, and it's a big thing to just realize that people don't judge within that community. I can say that myself. Um I've gotten a lot of support um from my AA community and mora here. Um a lot of good people, a lot of great things going on within it, you know? And I feel like I want to put it on the map that being sober is a great thing. Like, I mean, I don't know, like it's it's crazy because me being in this position right now, I'm hoping this leads me to bigger and better things, you know, gets me out there in a good way, you know, in a sense that, like, hey, I can go speak to bigger groups. That's really what I want to do. I wanna be like a motivational speaker, like a part-time, you know. I want to go speak to um like treatment centers. I wanna go, you know, I want to be the helping hand that I never got, but I want to do that for people because I know what it's like to not have that helping hand and grow up not having a lot and struggling and not being not having, you know, like the best parent-kid, you know, relationship and having that effect on you as a kid and growing up and making you hate yourself and you know, all types of things, you know. I want the people that feel those type of things to know that they're not alone. Like, it's everybody goes through it, rich or poor, you know. Rich people go through it just as much as poor people, you know, because they don't every time they go to a struggle, they don't know how to get out from it because they're so used to having money, what are they gonna do? Pause and just freeze, and what I don't got nobody to lean back on no more, you know, like and and then when it comes to the poor side, it's like when you really ain't got a lot, you're so used to not having a lot, you're okay with nothing. And that's how I am. I've been like that for years. I mean, I've I've been raised with just the bare minimal, and I'm okay with that because I never needed a lot in life, like to live my everyday life. As long as I eat, sleep, have a roof over my head, and have good people surrounding me that care about me is that's the biggest thing for me.

Starting Young And Finding Real Friends

SPEAKER_00 21:15

Mm-hmm. Yeah, you're gonna be a great speaker. When did you start drinking?

SPEAKER_03 21:23

It was like nine or ten. Started drinking. It was actually I actually lived in a Stacey trailer park at the time, was going to North Brand schools at the time.

SPEAKER_00 21:33

Did you start drinking every day at that time?

SPEAKER_03 21:36

Not every day. It was like a couple days out the week after school, I'd hide it from my mom, you know, go over to a friend's house and you know. But it was when I moved to Mora moved here in seventh grade, and that's when I really got into the mix. Um down a bad path. But the people that were I was with still had my back. Okay, so you know how they say that the people you use with don't really care about you. Well the people I drank with, and it's weird to say this, okay, but the people I drank with actually support me a lot. Like 100% won't let me touch a beer in front of them, won't let me even, you know, like if they see me staring at it, they'll put it away for me. Like, you know, like put it up out of my eye view, which is awesome, you know? And I didn't expect that. And it's a lot of times it is true, you know, like if you go back to being around them people, now I don't be around them guys all the time.

SPEAKER_00 22:54

I can't, because I know I'll go back, but I'm not gonna cut my friends out just because they drink and I don't drink to each their own if they're not pressuring you though and they're being supportive, then there would be no reason to cut them out, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:10

Right. So a lot of people that live the AA way are really on that with like staying out of the bars, staying um away from like cutting your people off that drink around you. Like it doesn't matter if they're your best friend or not, cut them off. And it's like, you know what? I don't I can't.

SPEAKER_00 23:40

Some people probably have to, but it's great you have such a good support system.

Family Pain And Boundaries For Now

SPEAKER_03 23:44

Yeah, I know kid is the best, you know. I was a young kid, still growing up, but my mom on how she raised us and what she brought us up around and how she handled things as a parent was terrible. Like, my brother is messed up from it, you know, still to this day. Like, me and him don't talk to our mom. Like, you know, it's that type of deal. Like, we look very, I guess, not good at our mom. Due to the way she brought us up and what she put us through. And one day I hope to forgive her, you know, because forgiveness is key, you know, and but right now I'm not able to, I guess, sort of say, because of the fact that there's certain things I can't let go. And one of the biggest things for me is to kick your kid out when he has nowhere to go. Uh fresh out of high school, even before that. I mean, she kicked me out on Christmas Day. I had to go to luckily one of my best friends. I went to his house and knocked on his door on Christmas Day, and luckily his parents let me in for Christmas. And it was snowstorming out, like I was cold. She kicked me out, locked me, locked the door, and everything. Like, you know, it's it's it's wild. Like, what people go through that you don't even realize. So that's why my biggest thing growing up as a from a young kid is treat others the way you want to be treated, which is the golden rule that I grew up with in my middle school. Nowadays they don't have that no more, you know, and it's sad because that's the biggest thing, the golden rule, man. And the second thing for me is don't judge a book by its cover. Because, yeah, he could be making millions, right? But you don't know what that man went through to get those millions. He could work hard, he could have busted his butt for those millions for 30 plus years and finally got around to that and just started it.

SPEAKER_00 26:04

When did you start going to church?

SPEAKER_03 26:07

Three and a half years ago, almost four years ago.

SPEAKER_00 26:11

What got you to start going?

SPEAKER_03 26:14

Clayton.

SPEAKER_00 26:16

Our mutual friend Clayton?

SPEAKER_03 26:18

Yep. Um Yeah, Clayton actually. Um Clayton, Clayton, the man, the Clayton. He uh got me going to church, which is a good thing.

SPEAKER_00 26:27

Oh Clayton, wow, that's amazing.

SPEAKER_03 26:30

He is a very good man. He's one of my good supporters in my recovery, also, but also he's just a really good friend in me. Um, he's there for me a lot. Um from a person there to talk to to him, like you said, uh, who got me to go to church. Um, Clayton. Um he so I wasn't really a faithful guy, you know, growing up. Um I never really got into it. You know, I everyone talked about it. Like everyone went to that uh Assembly of God church. No, um the release program at the school back in the day, that church release.

SPEAKER_00 27:17

Oh yeah, what's that called?

SPEAKER_03 27:19

Um, I forgot what it's called, but uh religious release. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a religious release. Um, I remember when kids used to be able to leave, you know, and like the classrooms used to be empty, and I was one of the few, you know, that used to be stuck back there. And I didn't think nothing of it, you know. But once I found God and I started going to church, and I'm grateful that Clayton, you know, shout out to him, he's a great guy. He's one of my best friends, we'll be forever. But uh, if it wasn't for him, I that was the start of my journey. Put it like that. The start, and not the start of my journey of sobriety, but the start of my journey of realizing how to be a better person, and being able to talk to somebody that don't judge, that will always have your back, and that's God. Like, I mean, you can say anything to that man, and he will do wonders for you, he will bless you in so many ways, and even if you mess up, that's what he died. He died for our sins on the cross, and that's he's not ever gonna give us no there's no more chances. No, we have all the chances in the world, but you have to remember that it's not just about having faith and worshiping and talking to God, you have to walk in God's way, you have to act how God acted, do what God did, be follow God's morals to the best of your abilities. Now no one expects you to be perfect, God wasn't perfect, you know? Nobody's perfect, but just do the best that you can and follow in God's ways and walks of life, you know, and it will be the best thing you could ever ask for. Because once I started going to church and really getting into it, like I realized a whole lot more, and now I look at it as what would I do without my Christianity? Like, I mean, if I didn't go to start going to church and believing in God and believing that he died on a cr on a cross for our sins and knowing that he's there for us every single day, and that I wake up and pray to him and talk to him multiple times a day if I need to, you know. And on top of that, he led me to my sobriety. I mean, that's the biggest thing out of all of them, I think, you know, because like now I can actually smile and it be real, it'd be authentic, you know, and it it's not like oh, you know, or like a I'm hammered laugh, or you know, like that type of deal. Like I don't gotta be hammered to laugh and have a good time, crack a joke. I can be sober and just have a blast and not have to depend on anything, you know.

SPEAKER_00 30:37

When do you feel closest to God?

SPEAKER_03 30:42

Through my hardest times, I think. That's when I feel closest because that's when he's there for you. It's when you're having the hardest time of your life. God is right there. And that's the best thing about it, you know, is that God will always be there, but he's there for you in the most hardest times of your life. You just have to reach out and talk to him. You have to accept him to as your Lord and Savior and really believe and have faith. And the big thing is worship, man. Like, that's one thing I gotta give credit to my pastor, Pastor Andy Mitchell, um, at the Church of Mora. He gave cred I gave credit to him, man. He's I look up to him like no other. Like, he'd if I could live if I could live his life and walk the way he does every day in his life, oh man, I would feel so good about myself. Like, it's crazy, man. He he goes on these trips and goes speak. He was just in Africa, you know, like and he told this story at church just a couple weeks ago because he just got back from there like a couple weeks ago. It was for Easter, Easter Sunday, he was all there, he's always spent the whole week in Africa traveling from different countries, and what he said, I just has been stuck with me ever since he's told it when he got back, is he was they were doing a worship, right? And there was 8,000 people in front of them in this big building. And it was just a big group day of worship for Good Friday and he said that the people worshiping in a crowd got to be so loud that you can you couldn't even hear the worship band itself. And and he says that's how you know that the Lord is present and the Lord is with you, and everybody is on the same level, and everybody is faithful, and they they are really like it's a great feeling, it just it's a blessing that that means a lot, and the Lord was with us at all times, you know, during that, and it's crazy to think about because I love our worship and I love our worship, our church in general. It's an amazing church. I support everybody to come try it out at least one time, you know, and come try it out, you know. It's a great place to be. Great, we're all family, you know. We have a great kids' program, youth, you know, for all groups and ages, you know, and uh, but yeah, like that really stuck with me because it's like the Lord comes in miraculous ways, and he's gonna hit you from all different angles. But one thing is is that you can't just talk to God and ask him for guidance and help if you aren't willing to gradually take the steps towards the help yourself. And that's what a lot of people don't understand is that the the Lord will only help the people that want to help themselves. It's just like they say about sobriety. You have to want to be sober. Nobody else around you can tell you, hey, go get sober. Hey, you know how many people did that to me? Aaron, you need to go get sober, you need to stop drinking, you're having gut problems, you're having this, you can barely eat. You yeah, well, I didn't care for so many years until I realized enough is enough. You know, like I can't do this no more. I can't. I'm almost 30 years old, I'm 27 years old. I had nothing going for me at all. Nothing, and I will gladly admit that. I had nothing. Bouncing back from job to job, losing every job I had, couldn't control my alcohol between jobs and which when I wanted more. It was like a teeter totter just waiting to just boom, you know, just collapse, waiting to break, snap in half, because one side got too heavy, you know, and it got to that point, and finally I was like, no, that's enough. Enough is enough. I can't no more.

SPEAKER_00 35:38

Like you said about the relationship with God, it's like that friend that complains over and over again about their relationship but doesn't do anything about it. I mean, God's kind of the same way. Like if you're gonna pray and complain and or you know, just keep asking for help but not take any steps or not do anything and not like spend time in silence listening to what he has to offer. It's kind of like those friends that you just kind of you know start to separate from because all they're doing is complaining without wanting to do anything about it.

SPEAKER_03 36:08

Yeah, and then that's exactly what it is, you know. Like if you can sit there and complain, if you have time to do that, you have time to go out there and do something with yourself and go out there and do something for yourself. Yeah, all the times that's just like me. All the times I spent every day drinking my life away. I could have been out there bettering myself every day, but I wasn't, and that's on me. But now that I realize that, I'm taking every day as an advantage every day to do better and be better and do better things for my community as a whole and be a better person. Because at the end of the day, that's what matters, and really it's your morals too, you know. Like, morals is a big thing. Morals is key, like, to being a good person. You have to have good morals, you know. You have to throw them shitty morals that I don't care attitude that you know, like, oh, that person did this to me. Well, I I can't I can't forgive them. Well, you should be able to forgive them. Because guess what? Are you gonna hold on to the hatred forever until you die? Why? That's gonna stress you out and make you want to go back to doing the same old stuff that you are gone from.

SPEAKER_00 37:32

So when are you gonna start working on forgiving your mom?

SPEAKER_03 37:38

I haven't really thought about that yet. That's uh that's a tough question. That's a tough one to answer. Um I gotta give it some more time. Um yeah, that's a tough one. That's uh I did not expect you to hit me with that. That was uh that was wild. Oh yeah, that's I don't know yet. Uh I can't say it for sure. Yeah, I'm not. I feel I might be getting close, maybe about two years sober. I might be able to. I mean, I'm hoping sooner. I'm hoping, you know.

SPEAKER_00 38:16

I don't think that's a bad strategy though, to keep yourself guarded until you get to uh a place you feel better about with your sobriety. Yeah, you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_03 38:24

Like, I don't want to rush things, you know, and that's the thing. Like, if I a person like her was so bad, and she what she put me through and what she did to me, my brother, and stuff and everything is a big reason why I drank. So I can't this early in my sobriety, I can't let her back in my life. I can't, you know, I just can't. Um, it would be detrimental to my own life, you know, my own future, my success that I have going on right now. And I can't.

SPEAKER_00 38:59

Um But God will be there to help when you're right.

SPEAKER_03 39:03

God will be there, and I think God will let me know when the time is right and when I should go back, you know, and whenever He says it's it's good, I'm gonna take that, you know, and I'm gonna go with it. But until then, you know, God will say, you know, like when it's when the time is best, you know. But for now, I feel like my road is just just uh help people and be there for people and let people know that they're not alone in this fight and this struggle of addiction. And it's like I said earlier, it can be whatever addiction you want it to be. It can be cigarettes, it can be you're addicted to I mean, there's a you know, but like you said earlier, porn, gambling, you know, like weed, even even though it's legal now, but still, it can still be an addiction, you know. Like just because something's legal doesn't mean it's not an addiction.

SPEAKER_00 39:58

People are addicted to eating plastic.

SPEAKER_03 40:01

I was just gonna say, I mean, I used to watch a show called something about like my weird addiction, yeah, my crazier weird addictions, and people used to eat Tide Pods. I mean, you know, like used to eat laundry soap on there. I mean, you know, like, you know, it's like we don't judge, you know, like for the people that are in it to win it, we don't judge, like we we understand what it's like, and also it's that for the people that helps people stay sober for the meetings-wise, it's the relatableness. Everybody in there can relate to each other and can understand where every time somebody speaks at those meetings, you can understand where they're coming from, you feel not only understand, but you feel from your heart, like, oh, I get where they're coming from, you know, like oh dang, I can relate to that, and so it makes everybody feel like a family, and that's why they say, like, AA family is an A, it's a family within itself. It is, you know, and it's great, it's a great, wonderful thing to have in life, you know.

SPEAKER_00 41:16

Yeah, so what made you decide to start the axe throwing in town, speaking of community?

SPEAKER_03 41:25

Oh, well, that was uh kind of out of the spur moment. Um, so right now, as kind of an update, um there was some financial issues with the building. So that is not the building is not there as of right now, as of recently, like, um, but I am gonna be mobile with it. So taking a little bit of a different route because I good job pivoting though. That's right. You know, um, it's been heavy on my mind. Um the world's expensive. That's the best thing I can say. It's expensive out there, guys. And uh I didn't realize there was so much to business as to what there was, and it's a lot to handle, you know. Um, it's a lot of stress. Um but for now I'm gonna have a permanent setup at the BO mead starting June 1st.

SPEAKER_00 42:23

At where?

SPEAKER_03 42:23

At the BOMED.

SPEAKER_00 42:25

Oh, yeah.

How Others See Aaron Now

SPEAKER_03 42:30

There's some meet there. Um, so I'm gonna have a permanent setup there starting June 1st. Um, I'm gonna have the axes, throwing knives, you name it. Um, I'm gonna try to get some new stuff in too. Um, I'm looking into spears, throwing spears, um, kind of, you know. But also, um, I'm gonna on June 12th, I'm gonna be at the beer club. Um, they're gonna let me try it out there and see if they like it over there. So I'm trying to get more, you know, involved with it, you know, and I feel like, like you said about the community-wise, you know, um, I feel like this way, I feel like I kind of rushed it, you know, and a sense, you know, at first, you know, it's quick, all quick and done. But if I move it towards this way for now, it will get me out there my name and my story and who I am as a person, but also give people the opportunity to see it around the area. Like, I want to be in the fair, I wanna, you know, I wanna go to all the fairs around here, you know. I want to be able to do that, you know, and just bring something new to the town, you know, to the area, like something where you can be sober and you can still have fun. Like when the shop was open, we had groups of 10, 15. People. I mean, Ace Hardware brought 20, 25 people there. And you know, they had a blast, man. Like they were loving it.

SPEAKER_00 44:08

Okay, so now we are on to this segment where I reveal to you how people see you. So I asked you to give me names and numbers of people I could reach out to and ask to describe you. And I do this because I think we're just really bad at seeing ourselves how other people see us. So your first word is unbreakable because you got described as resilient, tenacious, determined, strong, and focused. And your second word is purposeful because you got described as a leader, helpful, dependable, and an entrepreneur. Your third word is lit because you're optimistic, passionate, fun, and humorous. Fourth word is grateful, saved, blessed, and appreciative. And last word is grounded, humble, real, and transparent. And everybody kind of just put a few of their own sentences in as well. So I put those all together and um between what everybody said, they said, Aaron is the goat. He has gotten through many battles in life. He will always hold a special place in the hearts of so many new friends and old friends. Everyone loves him. He is one of the nicest people I know, down to earth through and through. And then the synopsis I wrote for you is battles don't break everyone. Sometimes they build them. Aaron is living proof, sober, grounded, and somehow still the funniest person in the room. This one's for anyone who needed to see what the other side looks like. Please remember you are not these words. You are not your thoughts. You are the space between the words, the space between the thoughts. You're the one who knows you have thoughts. Observe them, reflect on them, but know you are not them.

SPEAKER_03 46:02

Nice. That's good. That's good. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 46:04

Any of those words really surprise you?

SPEAKER_03 46:08

No, not really. That's good. Not really. I've been told that. Uh I've been told a lot of that. I haven't been told that in a long time. So like I'm kind of blushing right now. It's kind of crazy being told that from the people that, you know. Um, I have a feeling I know where a few of those came from. I know it's all too well, you know. But uh, you know, yeah, it's it's pretty uh it's good hearing that, you know, coming from the standpoint of like how they mention. I like how, you know, how the people in there mentioned that, how I've gone through a lot of struggles in my life, and I have, you know, and for what I've overcame as a person and to be able to still get up and stand strong, like people used to tell me all the time in high school being homeless, sleeping on the streets, like sleeping in a shack in the woods, like they used to tell me all the time, like Aaron. I don't know how you do it, bro. Like, how do you wake up every day? How do you fucking just live your life? Like, how how? How? Like you are such a like unbreakable, yeah, like you know, like perfect, you know, like and it's crazy to think about because my mom, my grandma, my dad, my brother isn't even like me, you know. Like, I know they say everybody's different, but when it comes to family, normally there's some, you know, acute similarities. And for me, it's like the way I look at it and the way I perceive it is every situation, bad situation that came to me as I look back at it now, I really my mindset of it all was yes, at first, like, uh I'm messed up now, like what am I gonna do? Obviously frantic, you know. But then I guess I realized I had to be I I realized that well, what am I gonna do if I'm don't try to at least try to fix this situation, try to help myself, get rid of the victim mentality, and get rid of yes, the victim mentality, you know, and that's what I had for a lot of my years is that because I went through so much mentally, emotionally that I thought I was always the victim. At jobs, I thought I was always a victim. I used to never be able to admit I was the victim. Perks to being sober, it makes you realize who you are and what your faults are.

SPEAKER_00 48:57

Yeah, you're so self-aware now.

SPEAKER_03 48:59

Yeah, like you know, and that's one of the biggest things too, you know, like knowing where your flaws are at and knowing where you every day I wake up and I I look back on my day before, and I and I even throughout the days, I'm like, okay, how could I handle this situation better? There's days to where I told myself, man, I need to do that better next time, you know? I'm hard on myself every day. Because there's every you're not perfect. People in sobriety are going to mess up because they don't know how to live a life and they don't know how to talk back to people yet. And they're so used to living that addict life. And what I mean by an addict life is the argument of the not listening to advice, taking heed to advice, you know. I hated that. Oh whatever, you can say whatever you want, I don't need it. No, I'm gonna take all the advice I can. I will learn anything I can, you know, because I know I'm not the smartest mother trucker in the world, you know.

SPEAKER_00 50:06

The more you know, the more you know, you know.

SPEAKER_03 50:08

I thought I was the biggest, baddest guy on the planet, knew everything I wanted. I thought I knew I had everything in the at ground base, you know. I thought I was the man. No, I'm not. I and when I got sober, I realized that, you know, like I'm not that guy, and I thought I was a whole different person. And now I'm feel like I'm when I first moved here in high school, you know, sober, like before I got into all of it a lot heavier, you know? Like, so yeah, it's it's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 50:43

So what do you do right now that you hope your grandkids or two generations from now, if you don't have grandkids, what do you hope they do that you do?

SPEAKER_03 50:59

Be optimistic, always stay positive, even when things are going bad. And it's easier said than done, but it is doable. Because from a person like me that have has gone through hell and back, literally and figuratively. If I'm still here, you guys can do it. That's that's what I gotta say. Third of all, always keep good people around you in your circle, you know. Um if there's not if they're not there for you, if they're not there to help you, if they're not there, not in helping, I don't mean by oh, can I get 20 bucks? No. Being there for you mentally, physically, emotionally, you know, like as a person, just being a friend, a true friend, you know, is what it's all about. And cutting those people off that don't show those intentions, because those are true intentions, those other ones are all fake. All they're there for is to use something that you've got. You may not have nothing to you, right? To yourself, you may not have nothing, but to them you might have something they want, and you don't even know that. But that's why they're around you the whole time. It's a miracle.

SPEAKER_00 52:33

And what do you do that you hope they don't do? What's something you still have to change about yourself?

SPEAKER_03 52:41

Don't let the past get hung up in your mind.

SPEAKER_00 52:48

So you still do that sometimes? You let the past.

SPEAKER_03 52:50

I think about the past, yeah. You know, I'm six and three quarters months over. I mean, I still think about the past, you know. The past, it just it's never gonna stop. And that's the biggest thing, you know. Like it's never going to stop.

SPEAKER_00 53:05

So you're less and less thinking about it?

SPEAKER_03 53:08

It's more of how I control myself and how I don't let it get to me and sink in.

SPEAKER_00 53:14

Yeah, you gotta change your story.

unknown 53:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 53:21

Don't get mad at your thoughts for coming in, because they're gonna keep coming, but just change how you remember things and how you speak to yourself and your inner voice and your inner critic.

SPEAKER_03 53:32

Right. And that's where a lot of self-affirmations come from, and that's what I've learned and that's what I learned in treatment too is I tell myself all the time, at work I need to tell myself these all the time. Okay, Aaron, be positive, it's okay. End of the month is coming around, it's tight. Be positive, it's okay, you know? Like, you know, just small stuff like that, you know. Because if you encourage yourself, say good things, self-positive, self-positive affirmations to yourself on a daily, it is a proven fact that good things will happen. And this ain't me talking about the the God in this sense, it's just talking about you tell yourself that, and your mind will change, your way of thinking will change. This is what I've noticed.

SPEAKER_00 54:24

Well, it'll open up your mind to see more opportunities and see more good opportunities. I just heard um they did the study with kitties where they only showed kitties, they put kitties in a room where there was only vertical lines, and when they brought the kitties out, they were their brains were unable to conceive any horizontal lines because all they had ever seen was vertical lines. So where are we being stuck little kitties at? You know what I mean? Where are we unable to see things because of what we surrounded ourselves around? And, you know, if our parents didn't show us the good of things, how can we reparent ourselves? Sounds like that's something that you're doing, you know, opening and expanding your brain to see new opportunities. That's where the proof comes in that when you're thinking a certain way, you're gonna see a certain way.

SPEAKER_03 55:20

Yeah, and also a big thing is that your perception on life, like as you get sober, every day I've realized that how you take things, how you react to things, you know.

SPEAKER_00 55:31

And taking that breath like you talked about earlier, and then pause and realizing I don't have to react to this.

Why A Homeless Shelter Matters

SPEAKER_03 55:37

This could trigger me, but there's different ways to go about it now. Like you're not that person no more, and that's what I have to remind myself every day, man. Like, I'm like, okay, you're not that person no more, Aaron. Yeah, you're gonna handle this to calm, responsible, professional, yeah, sober, Aaron, not drunk, but ballistic, going off the handles, hey. Hey, Ron, you know, like I mean, it's it's wildness, it's calm now. It's the the demeanor's calm, you know. Nonchalant, have a good day. Hey, how you doing? Good, how are you? Good, you know, like I you're not gonna see me out there causing a fool, causing a ruckus, you know, like like I used to, and I'm I'm I'm I I don't remember everything, I don't, but I remember quite a bit, and I'm not proud of anything that happened. You know, like with this is a couple year plan, but I want to do uh I want to build a homelessness, homeless shelter here in town, and I really want to do that. I've that's been on my mind since I was like probably 17, 18, and it's stuck with me for years now, and one day, and I will I will do that, and now one day I will have a homeless shelter here in mora, and it will be the most amazing thing that I've ever done in my life because that right there would mean so much to me because of what I've been through homeless-wise, and I've struggled, I've sat there and not ate for fuck days, days, literally days, and you know I know what it's like, man, and it's tough. Like, it's not a life that people go out there to live, and people think they do, that they just put themselves in that position. No, it's not what it is. There's always a backstory, there's always um a a deeper meaning behind you know why that person got there. People judge so much homeless people. Why you don't even know you don't take the time to stop, say, hey, what's your story? Hey, can I help you out? Go buy you some food. You don't people don't do that. Me, I I'll do that any day of the week. Because I know, I know, I've been there, I know where what it's like, I know that not eating every day, wow, it makes you feel distraught, stressed, not having no family to be there, support you for that. You know, um depressing thoughts every day, being by yourself, feeling lonely, a big thing, a big thing. Loneliness is key to a lot of problems, a lot of addiction, loneliness. People think that they don't care about them. Like other people, they the addict thinks that they don't nobody else cares about them, so why should they care about themselves? And that's not the way it should be iterated, it should be re reiterated to the point to where if nobody cares about you, then you should be the one to care about yourself because you're the one that matters and nobody else does.

Final Reflections And Gratitude

SPEAKER_00 58:53

I believe you can do it, I believe you can open that, and I don't think that God would give you the desire if you weren't capable. So, thank you so much for your story. It's so beautiful. Everything that you've been through leading you up to here. Really appreciate you coming on. Thank you so much, Erin.

SPEAKER_03 59:13

Yep, not a problem. Thank you guys for having me.

SPEAKER_00 59:16

Yeah, thanks.