You Hate Your Job But Can’t Quit | Scenarios

This week on The Honest Pause, we’re talking about one of the most emotionally complicated modern experiences:

What do you do when you hate your job… but realistically can’t leave?

Not everyone can quit dramatically, move across the country, start over, or “follow their passion.” Sometimes people stay because of:

• money
• insurance
• family responsibilities
• burnout
• fear
• the economy
• or simply not knowing what comes next

In this episode, we unpack the emotional reality of feeling trapped at work and why so many people feel disconnected, exhausted, resentful, or numb in their careers right now.

We talk about:

• The fantasy of quitting vs real life constraints
• Burnout and emotional detachment
• The pressure to “love what you do”
• How work impacts identity and self-worth
• The grief of realizing a job isn’t sustainable
• Toxic productivity culture
• Financial survival vs fulfillment
• Why people feel stuck
• The emotional cost of staying somewhere that drains you
• How to survive a difficult season without romanticizing struggle

This episode is for anyone who has ever:

• cried before work
• stared at LinkedIn for hours
• fantasized about disappearing into a cabin in the woods
• or felt guilty for not being grateful enough for a “good job”

Because sometimes the most honest thing you can admit is:
 “I can’t keep doing this forever.”
 Even if you still have to do it tomorrow.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Hey everyone, welcome to The Honest Pause. I'm Carol Rothri, actress, intuitive coach, and your co-host for Real Meaningful Conversations.

SPEAKER_00 0:09

And I'm Miriam Tyree, entrepreneur, business strategist, and your partner in navigating life's ups and downs.

SPEAKER_02 0:16

Here we talk about what happens when you hit pause, when we reflect and embrace the messy beauty of life.

SPEAKER_00 0:23

So whether you're here to reflect, recharge, or just have a good laugh, we've got you covered. Let's get started.

SPEAKER_02 0:57

I believe is what do you do? What do you do when you are stuck in a job that you really despise? You don't want to be there, but you can't quit.

SPEAKER_00 1:08

I think one of the loneliest feelings is realizing that you hate your job and you still have to like either log in or go tomorrow because a lot of people will just be like, well, just quit. Follow your dreams. And I think life is so much more complicated than that.

SPEAKER_02 1:26

It's more complicated, but I get that whole, you know, wanting to follow your dreams. But why not do both? I mean, we we we all have to work, and there's times where, yeah, we don't want to do what we're, you know, doing, but we know that we have to have the money. But while one is in a place that they really don't want to be there, um, you're still earning your money and that whole time start looking around. Start, you know, it's I mean, I know that makes sense, and people are probably saying, Do you don't think I haven't done that? Of course I've done that. And right now it's just a different time.

SPEAKER_00 1:58

Um for this it's a yes, and for me, because I do think right now is a really different and challenging time to find a job from an economic standpoint. So I think taking a step back, I think looking for a job and interviewing for a job, excuse me, is a full-time job. I I think there is so much work that goes into finding a new job. It's looking and connecting that for many people, they're like, I am in it with my job. I'm working this job full-time. They I think there's a lot of this feeling like I don't even have time to look for a new job. And the that feels really hard. I think the the flip side of that is there's a lot of like fantasy about quitting and finding a new job. And I think a lot of this comes from social media of like I left my corporate job to find myself and I started a business. And and I think that while there are many success stories, none of those things happen overnight. And there's fantasy. So I think it is very understandable. Like most of us couldn't just quit our jobs, right? You have rent or a mortgage and kids or healthcare stuff or debt or responsible.

SPEAKER_02 3:27

I don't agree with that. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:29

And I don't think people are staying not because they, you know, I think they're staying because survival, right? And it's hard. I I think it's unrealistic to be happy in a job all the time, but I do think it's what you need to do is have contentment.

SPEAKER_02 3:49

And yes, what do you yeah, sorry? Go on.

SPEAKER_00 3:53

No, I think that you're like making enough money to support yourself, and it's not a toxic environment. But it can be really hard to find a new environment. I think that's the thing, is I don't want to discount that it takes most people director level and below three to six months to find a job, and director level and above six months to over a year to find a job. If you're working in like a corporate traditional sort of environment, those are that's a long time to find a new job. A year of looking is a lot of work.

SPEAKER_02 4:25

But in the interim, if you're not in that um in the corporate world, whatever situation you are in, it's finding something in that job where you're going to find, I'm not going to say the word joy, but like you say, that is the perfect word contentment, right? How do you make it, how can you make it palatable for you to continue to go there day after day after day? You're making the money, you're still doing what you can to see what's happening on the, you know, to you know, keep looking elsewhere. But in the interim, you're going to that job, you're there, you're going, what the hell am I supposed to do now? So and so over there. I'm just not happy. This boss is this, this is this. Obviously, if it's to the point where your mental health and your physical body is being affected, then yeah, by all means, you you've got to take care of you first. But again, I keep repeating it is what is it, what is it in that environment that you can control? I know I always go back to this, and I don't care, I'm gonna drive you all crazy, but I'm gonna keep saying it. You can only the only control you have is how you respond to things. So it's shifting your dynamic, shifting your perspective, shifting the vision of it all and how you're gonna take it all in.

SPEAKER_00 5:43

I'm gonna say something that I think isn't gonna be popular, but I do think part of all of this, and again, you can hate your job and not want to everything to an extent is a choice. So you get to choose if you hate your job or not. And there are some very valid reasons to hate a job and be miserable every day. But these are all choices, and I think that will be a very unpopular thing for people to hear. I also think what may be equally unpopular is that many people and a lot of our culture says that you should have fulfillment and be super happy at your job, and that your job should define you. And sometimes, in many situations, for many people, work is really just work. And you are doing something to pay your bills and you find fulfillment elsewhere. So I think it's really important to critically look at your circ circumstances and situation of like why do you hate this job? Are those what are those reasons? Like, are you not being paid? Are you in an abusive situation? Is this a really toxic situation? Are you just not happy doing this type of work anymore? And then based on what you've looked at, decide if you should pivot to do something else. And I'm not saying it's easy to pivot to do something else, it's really hard and it takes a lot of time.

SPEAKER_02 7:12

And it's frightening. It's frightening.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

I also think that a lot of people think, you know, I should be grateful or you know, I'm kind of contradicting myself. Like at least like you might be saying, like, I I should be grateful and at least I I have a job, but I also think like that doesn't mean you're not gonna be like emotionally exhausted from your job. Like being thankful and grateful doesn't like magically remove or make it like a better situation. And I think long term, if a job is mentally taxing you and exhausting you, and you cannot make the changes or shift your mindset to find contentment, then you should figure out an exit plan and be kind to yourself and acknowledge that that exit plan may take a long time.

SPEAKER_02 8:03

It will. And maybe not. The thing you're not gonna know until you do it. But you're right, it's all about choices. It's all about choices.

SPEAKER_00 8:11

What would you tell someone who's like, all right, I'm ready to make a change. I acknowledge and I accept that it may take a long time. So what do you do when you can't leave yet?

SPEAKER_02 8:25

You take that first step knowing that you are going to leave. Because then that gives you that the power. Oh, it this is in my control now. Okay, so I'm gonna give myself, give yourself a time period where you're gonna say, I'm gonna make the first step. The first step is I'm gonna stop sitting in this place where it's completely destroying me and I'm gonna do something positive, and it's about going out and you know, networking, finding where else you're wanting to go. Maybe it's something that this this passion in you, and I believe you have to trust, it's a really scary thing. You just have to trust in yourself. But if there's this passion where you're saying, I just this is what I've always wanted to do. I don't know if I can start this business. I don't know. I mean, am I going to be able to, you know, provide and figure it all out? But if you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are meant to be doing, you know, this job over here, then by all means start gearing yourself towards that. Take that leap. Now that's a scary one, and it's not like I'm saying everybody, hey, just quit your job, go follow your, like you said, follow your dreams. It's not about that. It's being smart about it, it's being smart and knowing what it is that's going to fulfill you and go about doing whatever it is you need to do in order to get that.

SPEAKER_00 9:41

I agree. I think I would tell people your job is something that you do right now, and it's not who you are. And the first step in all of this is your mindset and figuring out what small survival strategies. So maybe it's that you emotionally detach from the workplace or you stop overperforming, or you are figuring different ways to predict to protect your energy. I think what Teryl said is like those small steps often. I mean, I can tell you I've been miserable at work before. And there are so many different reasons that people can be miserable, right? It's like I don't have any meaning. It's uh nobody trusts me. I I'm supposed to just like hustle, hustle, hustle. And I think we do also like normalize exhaustion. We normalize this like overproductivity. And then there's this pressure to have like side hustles. And on top of it, let's be honest, gas is more expensive than it's ever been. Well, maybe not ever, but food. The amount of friends that I have had say, you know, my grocery bill is like this much each week. And with my gas bill and all this, like, does it really make sense for me to like go into work right now? Um it is hard. I want to say there's a lot of external pressures and a lot of pressure. So I think the first real step is introspection and really understanding why you feel this hatred and understanding the steps that it may take to leave, or acceptance that leaving or changing careers could just take a longer time. And so, how can you protect yourself and shift your mindset in this time?

SPEAKER_03 11:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:36

And I will say, like, there it's a it's a it is a strange time. It is the strangest time that I am seeing professionally out there in the marketplace right now.

SPEAKER_02 11:46

In some and in different ways, in so many ways, yeah. I mean, even in the film industry, you know, I'm hearing it from you know, actors, hearing it from writers, hearing it from the crew. It's just a different time. Are you enjoying that?

SPEAKER_01 12:04

I had to take a bite of a snack. I am, I'm that person.

SPEAKER_02 12:09

I love it.

SPEAKER_01 12:10

No, you have to in life right now. Well, I eat all the time.

SPEAKER_02 12:17

Here, point in question, everyone. She just knew I'm sitting here. I really know that I have to have this energy. I've got to take this bite. Do I do it? And she made that choice.

SPEAKER_00 12:28

She did up. I'm like, I can't wait. I need it. Um should do it too. I support everybody in doing what they need in any I agree. Do it, do it. Um I do think though that like most of us don't necessarily like need this like dream job. We just need a job that has like some level of contentment and fulfillment and like meets the needs that like sometimes we just need a paycheck and sometimes we need to grow. And I think different jobs are for different seasons of our life. Do you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 13:06

I do. And I think it's also important to ask yourself what is it you really want to do? Don't put limitations on it. And because that start that way. What is it that I really want to do? How can I be of service? Do I want to be of service? Do I want what is it I really am wanting? What direction do I want to be in? Once you get that and it's pretty firm, it's like you know that's where you want to be, start there. And then it's like, okay, so here I am currently in this position. I know that that's really what I want to do. So what steps can I take to do that? Oh, okay, I know I want to do that. I really should take a course for that. So then you take that course. It's just not, it doesn't even have to be baby steps, but unless you really know the direction, if you're just gonna sit going, I I'm miserable, I am so miserable, I just don't want to be here. That's all you're gonna be in that spiral, that same loop. It's gonna be on repeat.

SPEAKER_00 13:59

It is a hundred percent a choice to be in that situation at the end of the day. Like maybe the workplace is really toxic, maybe all of these things are true, but you also get to choose the way that you show up, and that's a really painful thing to hear. I I think. Um and so, you know, a lot of people I know are like, I just I'm ready to go like move off to Costa Rica and live in a remote village and you know, uh raise goats. I mean, admittedly, I have said this before. I'm like, oh, I just want to like raise goats and like have goat cheese.

SPEAKER_02 14:39

And you also wanted to work with miniature horses personally. Hello, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:45

But I don't I don't because you haven't chosen.

SPEAKER_02 14:51

It's it's okay. I know I'd like to do that, but you haven't made that choice yet, and that's okay.

SPEAKER_00 14:55

A hundred percent. And I think you know there's a lot of unhealthy work culture. There's a lot of really toxic workplaces, and unfortunately, all you and I cannot change that. You might not be able to change that. So it's about doing your best. You we can't predict what a workplace is gonna be like or what your coworkers are gonna be like or what an environment is gonna be like. It's up to each and every one of us to adjust our mindset and figure out like, okay, can I really not operate in this environment? And if so, what is my exit plan and how do I get out of this situation? And people change jobs all the time. People pivot careers all the time. Vera Wang didn't even create her first wedding gown until she was like in her 40s, right? Like you can be and do anything you want at any age, it doesn't really matter. And I know it sounds really far-fetched, but it takes, you know, it it does take work. And I think looking at that and understanding that is is important.

SPEAKER_02 16:02

Yeah, but but if you make when you when you make that choice, then there'll be no stopping you. You make that choice and you do what you have to do to get there.

SPEAKER_00 16:10

A hundred percent. And so we hope that you don't stay in a job or career that you hate for too long. But I think understanding the reason behind that hate and and how to find contentment and find peace is really important.

SPEAKER_02 16:31

Now go ahead and take another bite of that sandwich that you've just stacked up.

SPEAKER_00 16:36

I know I need to eat right now. Everybody, you eat when you want to eat.

SPEAKER_02 16:41

That's it. It's a choice.

SPEAKER_00 16:43

It's a choice. All right, we'll see you next time. Thanks, everybody.

SPEAKER_02 17:13

We do hope you're feeling inspired, entertained, or at least had a moment to breathe.

SPEAKER_00 17:18

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SPEAKER_02 17:28

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SPEAKER_00 17:37

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SPEAKER_02 17:43

We'll see you next time. And remember, you are never too busy to take a pause.