12. When the Doctor is Human Too: The Healing Power of Showing Up Fully

In this deeply personal episode of Nourished with Dr. Anikó, Dr. Anikó reflects on the emotional transition of changing her clinical practice and what it means to show up as a full human being both in and outside the role of physician. 

Dr. Anikó opens up about the bittersweet feelings of changing the way she practices, the pressures placed on professionals to compartmentalize their emotions, and the healing power of presence, touch, and shared humanity.

This conversation is a heartfelt invitation to embrace vulnerability, honor emotional complexity, and explore how we can be more fully ourselves in every room we enter whether we're clinicians, parents, friends, simply humans navigating life together.

Key Takeaways:

• The bittersweet experience of change and professional transition
• Why Western medicine often encourages emotional disconnection and how to reclaim humanity within it
• How healing happens not just through treatments, but through being fully seen and held
• Encouragement to show up as your whole self, not just the role you play

Episode Highlights:

 02:00 The tension between personal identity and professional roles
 04:54 The emotional toll of compartmentalizing in medicine
 07:41 The sacredness of touch and presence in the healing process
 10:18 Showing up authentically in both personal and professional spaces
 12:00 Reclaiming emotional expression in healing professions
 16:00 Why presence matters in healing and life

This episode will remind you that your humanity is not a weakness it’s exactly the healing approach we all need. 

Connect with Dr. Anikó:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr.aniko/

Website: https://www.draniko.com/

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Disclaimer:
The content of this podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only and does not constitute medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The views expressed are those of the host and guests and do not substitute for professional medical advice. Always seek the guidance of your physician or other qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding your health or a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay seeking it because of something you heard on this podcast.

Transcript

 [00:00:00] Hello. Hello everybody. Welcome back to Nourished with Dr. Aniko. Today. I was going to talk about something else, and I will get to that. Maybe not in this episode, maybe in the next one. First, I kind of wanted to just show up as I am today. So I am making some, some changes to my practice and how I see patients [00:01:00] in real life. And so this is the last day that I am seeing people in the way that I have seen them until now for the pastfew years. And I am feeling sad. I'm feeling sad to be making this change. Also happy. So like a lot of times there are, there's more than one emotion going on at the same time.

Dr. Anikó: Um, but. The reason that I'm sharing this is just to sort of show up as I am and be like, yeah, I'm feeling there's like a little bittersweet quality to me today, and I feel like I'm very nostalgic, like I feel like I'm looking at that montage of, you know, like when you graduate high school or watch like a.

 You know, a movie from the eighties where everybody's leaving and there's some song playing and it's all this montage of all your memories in high school or college [00:02:00] or whatever it is. So I'm feeling a little bit like that where I'm sort of like looking at the places that I'm not gonna be as frequently with a lot of longing, you know, and a lot of, oh yeah, this.

This was a really special place and time for me, and

it got me thinking about how we often have to edit ourselves and not show up fully in a very appropriate way. Right. So. Starting this podcast has been interesting for me because it is this middle point between my professional self and my professional role, and then my personal self, who I am, you know, just casually and personally, and with friends and people who know me personally because.

As a physician and anyone [00:03:00] in sort of healing professions or any profession really will tell you, but specifically in healing professions, that you need to kind of keep yourself out of the room in some ways because it's not about you, it's about the person that you're working with and. Everything that you're doing is to try to help them access their healing energy and their healing journey and their path to healing.

And sometimes you bring in elements of yourself. You just kind of have to follow your intuition and be like, this feels like it will be helpful right now, but for the most part, you're really not talking much about yourself and. So it can feel kind of odd to me, honestly to talk about myself and have it be part of my sort of professional career.

And certainly talking about topics that I talk [00:04:00] about professionally, health, how we eat, how we take care of our bodies, and sort of weave that into also my personal life and my personal story. And yet. It's so important for us to show up as human beings with other human beings. Right. And I think that sometimes that feels like exactly what.

Western medicine has lost. You know, I mean, there's multiple things because again, as y'all know, big, huge fan of Western medicine. It is lifesaving. It is life changing. When used appropriately. Right. But I do think that we as physicians and people who practice Western medicine have been encouraged to kind of leave ourselves behind, right?

We don't listen to our bodies. We're encouraged to not listen to our bodies when we're tired, when we're overwhelmed, [00:05:00] when we're burned out. When. We have grief. You know, I don't know a single doctor who hasn't had to just power through grief. Acute grief, right? There is strength and that is, uh, it's something you have to learn how to do.

I don't know that we need to be as callous towards our own feelings. I don't know that it's been good for medicine. In fact, I, I know of many examples when it hasn't. Certainly you don't want your doctor or healthcare professional, like bringing their, their issues into the room and, and talking to you about their stuff.

But I think that there is much like, I'm trying to find that middle point here with the podcasting about my professional life that does kind of also bring in my personal life. There is a way to show up with your full self and honor your full self, [00:06:00] even in the role of being a doctor or a healer or a parent, right?

So

as I've said before, the people who I know who have committed their lives to medicine are some of the best people I know. They truly are in it for the, you know, quote unquote right. Reasons, right? They want to help their patients. Their hearts are broken, broken when their patients don't get better when their patients die, 

'cause there's lots of specialties. Oncology comes to mind where that's part of the deal. Is a lot of your patients are going to die and you don't embark on that kind of journey without really wanting it or really wanting to grapple with what healing is and what health is and what life is. And so I think our [00:07:00] image of the like old timey doctor.

Is a lot more nurturing and present and human than a lot of times what we are allowing Western medicine practitioners to be today. Not only are you having to like chart constantly, so you're always on a computer, you're always on a screen, you're always ordering tests. Sometimes people don't even have time to do a physical exam, which to me is like the heart of.

Medicine, right? Laying your hands on people is powerful. You learn so much and you give so much, and it is such an integral part of medicine. Hearing people's stories, witnessing people, you know, the more that I contemplate what healing is, it feels like being a witness to. Someone's [00:08:00] experience and standing by them as they learn how to hold the un holdable.

You know, healing isn't necessarily cure healing is just supporting where you can become more whole. So that person becomes more whole and can integrate whatever it is that life has brought them to. Because we don't get to choose our time in life, our experience in life, we mostly don't get to choose what comes at us in life.

We just get to choose how we're going to ride that wave. How we're going to walk that path. And that applies to times in life, right? There are certain eras in human history that have been really hard, harder than others, and we don't get to choose which time we're born into. We just get to choose how we're gonna walk that path and how we're going to support one another [00:09:00] and come together around it.

So this is just kind of like a roundabout musing today about Yeah, this big change to my professional life, both in these changes that are happening in my practice and also that I too am seeing how I am starting to integrate my personal self into my kind of physician role. Because we all kind of, I don't, I don't know that I can say all, but I know that I sometimes really enjoy like putting on that, that physician role, you know, putting on the, you know, I got this.

And I get to put my stuff aside 'cause I am so focused on you. And that can be done in a really wonderful, healthy way. That can be done in a really addictive, escapism way. Just like anything, right? When we talk about anything can be good or bad, anything can be addictive or [00:10:00] used, you know, healthfully. But I.

Encourage you to start playing with. Showing up as you are not feeling like you have to be a certain way to be in a certain space. Like a concrete example for me right now is I don't feel, or I'm trying not to feel like I have to show up and be like super bubbly if I don't feel like it. I mean, just talking to y'all start to give me a, szush I start to feel more excited and bubbly, but also that there is permission to show up.

Sad one day or just more stoic one day or wherever you're at, to start to give ourselves permission to not be the role that we play and not be like a caricature of ourselves and not as I heard someone say recently to commodify. Our identities, right? To make ourselves more appealing and palatable to [00:11:00] this market, you know, which is something in real life as well as this virtual world of podcasting and social media and all of that.

This idea that we are creating an image of ourselves instead of just being ourselves and also making an effort to welcome when others do that, you know, because. Sometimes it feels awkward and uncomfortable when someone comes into a space where they're kind of expected to be talkative and positive and you know, gregarious and all of that, and they're coming in in a different space.

And how do we welcome that? How is it okay? How do we make space for us to just show up as we are as opposed to show up as the roles that we are expected to play? And specifically to get back to what I was saying about Western medicine, I do think that a lot of times people who practice western medicine and many healing arts, frankly, are encouraged to kind of wall themselves [00:12:00] off.

And I think we've lost a lot. I think we've lost a lot of deep human connection and witnessing, because when you wall yourself off to your own emotions, how the heck are you supposed to witness? And be okay with someone else's emotions, right. Then you just wanna fix everything and be like, ah, stop being sad.

Stop being, now you're being too happy. This is way too, way too high of a level of silly, or whatever it is, right? Whatever it is that we're feeling uncomfortable about, you have to start with yourself, right? That goes for parents, teachers, for anybody who interacts with another human being. The first human being that you start with is yourself.

And if you are running from parts of yourself. That is going to show up in your life until you learn how to hold and honor and just accept those parts of yourself. Just like we kind of just have to accept our time in life and [00:13:00] what we need to do and what we need to traverse, that has nothing to do really with us or our choices.

We also need to accept the emotions that come up. Because we can't really choose our emotions. The only thing that we can choose is how we respond to them, how we behave, right? But I can't choose today whether I feel kind of bittersweet, you know, about certain changes that are happening in my life. But I can choose what I'm going to do with it.

I can choose that. Maybe I'm gonna share a little bit about it. With y'all and with people in my life, you know, who are close to me. and

it's not that we can't, you know, go for a run or take a nap. These are the times that we do want to care for our bodies, do want to care for ourselves, but not to escape some kind of feeling, just to know that when we're feeling something, we need this kind of support. When I'm feeling low and sad, it feels good to take a walk.

It feels good to move my body. It [00:14:00] feels good to remind myself that I'm not stuck in this, not in a way of trying to escape the feeling of being stuck, not in the ways to try to escape the feeling of being sad. 'cause I can hold being sad. I've had lots of practice being sad. Um. But similar to how I was talking about in the BMI episode of the intent behind the action really being such a huge determinant in how that action is received by us when I am trying to escape an emotion, whatever I do is not necessarily going to be very nourishing and nurturing to me.

I'm just trying to deny and run away from what's happening rather than meeting it and saying, this is going to help me hold this. This is going to help me move through this. And I think that human part of being a doctor often is the difference between when we go to an [00:15:00] appointment and we feel unseen, un witnessed, unheard.

And when we go and we feel like that person listened to me and that's our human part showing up. And that can be with touch, putting your arm around somebody taking their hand when they're talking about something hard. Because being a doctor and being in medicine is sacred work. I mean, people come into my office and share their deepest hurts, their most personal stories.

In a way that's very imbalanced, right? I'm not also sharing that. I'm not getting undressed and having them lay their hands on my body. So I feel like it is so not, I feel I know, I know. It is deeply important to honor the sacredness of this sharing and this space to honor the bravery. The vulnerability that it takes to share of yourself with somebody who isn't necessarily sharing themselves [00:16:00] in that way, and how important it is as a physician and as someone doing healing work to maintain your humanity as you keep holding that container for the other person to share of themselves, because it's not about me.

And yet I need to be fully human and fully present in those moments. And I think that applies to a lot of life. Supporting friends, supporting family, supporting your kids. How do you build a container that contains your humanity? But isn't about you and make space for the person that you're holding because healing isn't exclusive to,the doctor's office or the healing practitioner's office or anything like that, or a retreat, or, not that it doesn't happen there, but it also happens in our everyday moments with our loved ones, with our friends.

Sometimes with [00:17:00] strangers, laughter is healing, right? You could be having a really bad day and. Some funny thing will happen and you'll catch a stranger's eye and you both saw it. And there is something deeply healing about that, about sharing a moment of delight together. And I've talked about delights too, and the importance of delights and they are so important.

So anyway, I hope that this inspires you to think about how you show up in the world and. I invite you to start showing up with more of your full self and welcoming too when others show up with their full selves and to start making friends. With those parts of you that we all have that feel uncomfortable and that when we see in other people we run, it is not, we're like, Ooh, get away from me with that stuff.

because we're all working on it and we're all [00:18:00] working on it together. And I think the more that we can be in touch with our humanity, the better this world will be. So I'll leave y'all with that today. I hope you'll have a wonderful day and you're being yourselves and you're witnessing others and witnessing yourself and finding nourishment in all of those moments. [00:19:00]