17. Raising Tween and Teen Girls: Parenting Tips for Emotional Resilience, Healthy Boundaries, and Navigating Adolescence

Adolescence is one of the sacred stages of development. In this episode of Nourished with Dr. Anikó, integrative pediatrician and postpartum consultant Dr. Anikó Gréger explores how parents can best support tween and teen girls as they transition from childhood to adulthood.

Dr. Anikó explains why adolescence should be viewed as a sacred window, similar to the postpartum period where young people are “birthing” a new sense of self. 

She dives into the importance of individuation, the normalcy of rejection, and how trusted adults beyond parents can provide crucial support. With her unique integrative perspective, she also highlights why modeling emotional regulation is one of the most powerful tools parents have for guiding their children through these transformative years.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• Why the tween and teen years are a sacred transition like postpartum
• How individuation and even rejection are necessary for healthy identity development
• The role of parents and trusted adults in guiding adolescents with compassion
• Parenting strategies to strengthen emotional resilience in girls 
• Practical tools for modeling emotional regulation and creating a safe, steady environment
• How to reframe the challenges of adolescence as opportunities for connection and growth

This episode is especially meaningful as Dr. Anikó gets emotional while recording, underscoring just how deeply she cares about this stage of life. Her authenticity reminds us that parenting is not only about guidance, but also about vulnerability and connection.

If you’re raising a tween or teen girl or supporting a young person in your life this conversation offers practical parenting tips, emotional insights, and compassionate strategies for helping them thrive during adolescence.

Connect with Dr. Anikó:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr.aniko/

Website: https://www.draniko.com/

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Disclaimer:
The content of this podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only and does not constitute medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The views expressed are those of the host and guests and do not substitute for professional medical advice. Always seek the guidance of your physician or other qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding your health or a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay seeking it because of something you heard on this podcast.

Transcript

Dr. Anikó: [00:00:00] Hi, you are listening to Nourished with Dr. Ani Kreer. This podcast is all about the many, many ways you can support your health and your family's health. I'm an integrative physician and I am so passionate about helping people find their pathway to their very best life. I hope you enjoy. Hello? Hello.

Dr. Anikó: Welcome back to Nourished with Dr. Aniko. Today I am really feeling called to talk about tween and teen girls because much like the postpartum period is that sacred transition point, that sacred time of transitioning into. Becoming a parent either for the first time or again because it happens every single [00:01:00] time we have a new child.

Dr. Anikó: Adolescence is also a sacred window, and it's when we go from being a child to being an adult and thankfully adolescence is longer than nine months. 'cause I can't imagine going from kid to adult in nine months that it is also this sacred window. It is this birthing in some ways of who you're going to be except.

Dr. Anikó: You're the one essentially giving birth to yourself. You know, you're the one who's deciding who you wanna be, how you wanna be. It's a really rich, and also it can be incredibly tricky. It can be tumultuous, but I think one of the things that we can do as parents. Is both. Remember how it felt to go through it, and also make space for the very unique experience that either your child or the child who's in your life is going to have.

Dr. Anikó: [00:02:00] Obviously I see this on a professional level. Regularly, and I also have the joy and privilege to have tween and teen girls also in my personal life, because I am definitely one of those people. I love this age group. I love how they are so sharp and they're really starting to think about things in their own.

Dr. Anikó: I mean, sometimes it's not their own, right? Sometimes they're just repeating stuff that they hear. Which is appropriate, right? They're trying different things on and their open-mindedness is always so striking. For example, whenever I suggest therapy in the professional setting, even the personal setting, frankly, I have never gotten pushback from between or teen about that.

Dr. Anikó: I may get pushback from a parent. I may get pushback from an adult. You know who I'm recommending either professionally or personally. But tweens and teens are always like, all [00:03:00] right, I'm up for it. I'll try it. And that openness is such a gift and it has to be handled with care. And respect, right? Because they are so open in some ways that they can be easily led, sometimes not by the parent, which can be incredibly frustrating when you're a parent, but then you just strategize differently, right?

Dr. Anikó: We wanna make sure that our kids are tweens and teens, especially have other trusted adults in their life who. Are also going to be able to guide them because so often parenting is so exhausting because it just feels like it's just on your shoulders. And if you have a partner, maybe just on your, in your partner's shoulders, and that's kind of it.

Dr. Anikó: And that was really not how it was. Ever meant to be right. That's not how the postpartum period is meant to be. You're not meant to go it alone. And sometimes that's why it's so [00:04:00] hard, because much like when you're at a school where you only have one teacher, that teacher might be super awesome 90% of the time.

Dr. Anikó: Right? And that is a high bar to 90%. Is really, really good. But 10% of the time you need something different. You need a different approach. You need a different person. You need a different style. And when it's just us parenting our kids, our style gets old, you know? And we are not good at everything. As much as we try to give that impression when we're parenting, we know we have our strengths, we have our weaknesses, and just honoring that and more than that.

Dr. Anikó: Openly talking about that with your child, normalizing that there are some things that we are already good at and other things that we're working on. It helps them not fear their mistakes, not fear being perfect even more when we model it. So. One of [00:05:00] the things that I think is really important to talk about when we talk about tween girls and teen girls is that they are individuating, and what that means is that they are establishing their own sense of self.

Dr. Anikó: That's separate from us because younger kids often, well, not often, babies always fuse with their birthing parent. And then they start to individually around the age of like two or three, which is wonderful 'cause it can often coincide with when they start daycare or even preschool, it can be hard. Many of us have had the experience where it is hard to let go of our babies into the world, and yet it is so important for their development and it's.

Dr. Anikó: Much like, you know, the universal needs postpartum. It's really important for our development because the last thing we want is for our children to have our selves fused to them. And actually the last thing we want for [00:06:00] ourselves is for our children's identities to be fused to ours. Because even though they will always be a part of us, many of you may know, but some of you may not.

Dr. Anikó: Our children's cells live on in our bodies. If you have grown a baby in your body that baby cells live on, in your lungs, in your bones, it is a deep connection that persists forever. Right? So we're not, we're not talking about that, right? Our kids are part of us forever. And psychologically it is really important that we are not fused with them for their health and for our health.

Dr. Anikó: So individuation is really important in that kind of toddler time. And it's also obviously necessary and important in the time of adolescence when there is an even bigger [00:07:00] individuation and part of individuation is, and it can feel really bad when it's happening, but it's rejection, right? Because to say that this is me, sometimes we have to say, and not you.

Dr. Anikó: Not that, not that thing that you like or that you believe or whatever. And that's why so often we experience our tween or teen rejecting us. It can be very painful, but just remember that it is also incredibly necessary and it can just be part of a phase, right? That rejection can eventually have them come back to something that's closer to.

Dr. Anikó: Our belief system or our way of life, or our way of being, but also that we are sturdy enough to be able to handle that. Our children often choose ways that are very [00:08:00] different from ours, and that doesn't mean that our ways are wrong, although also sometimes it does. Let's be honest. Sometimes it does mean that we're doing things in a wrong way and we can learn from our kids and we can be enlightened by our kids.

Dr. Anikó: But the most important thing is that we give them the space and support both of those things to go through these transitions, and also that we have realistic expectations of them. Because unfortunately, for many, I mean, again, it is just part of growing the part of our brain that's responsible for.

Dr. Anikó: Thoughtful decision making for be a, being able to anticipate outcomes and for more kind of emotional regulation, essentially because you have the cognitive input that's able to kind of override the emotional. Aspect of our [00:09:00] behavior and our feelings and all of that, that prefrontal cortex doesn't develop fully until the age of 25.

Dr. Anikó: So until that age, we're operating with a very sort of volatile emotional system that hasn't figured out yet how to. Think of possible future outcomes or how to really regulate our nervous system. And so what really helps in this world of turmoil at times is for parents to have really good emotional regulation skills so that you can only model it and teach it, but so that you can be the sturdy place in your kid's storm because.

Dr. Anikó: It is kind of a storm, right? In the exciting way, right? That storms can be exciting, but storms can also be scary. And if you are also being scary and you're getting scared by these [00:10:00] things. You can't be a safe place for your kid to anchor into. And that at the end of the day is what we need to be doing in the most important role.

Dr. Anikó: And I don't say this cavalierly, right? I'm not saying like this. Here's the super easy thing for you to do. It is a lifetime of work, right? Every time we talk about emotional regulation, every time we talk about, even when we talked about the nurtured heart approach in previous episode, it is not easy work.

Dr. Anikó: It is a lifetime of work and. It is so important. I mean, it pays off in your own emotional stability and resilience. It also models and teaches your kids how to be more emotionally sturdy and resilient because it is this emotional regulation that is also really key, right? And this is true for all genders, right?

Dr. Anikó: It's not just girls that should be taught about managing their emotions. It's everybody, right? And that can be a real whole in society when we're only teaching [00:11:00] one group of folks to regulate their emotions. And by regulation, I don't mean. Stuff it down and don't talk about it and put a smile on your face.

Dr. Anikó: I mean, being able to both share it. And contain it. And a lot of times, based on how we were raised, we're really, really good at one and a little bit shaky with the other. Right? We're still, that's still a work in progress. The other one, right? But both are necessary for emotional resilience, right? Because.

Dr. Anikó: Not everybody is the person that you should be sharing your emotions with. Not everybody is that right fit person, and not every time is that right fit time. You need to be able to allow your feelings to be, have some tools to move through them. And then also, if it's not the time or place to have the capacity to contain them and store them essentially, and then unpack it at the end of the day, or maybe at the end of the week or [00:12:00] whenever.

Dr. Anikó: Right? We're not talking about containing them and locking them and bearing them for the rest of your life. We're talking about containing them until it is the right fit, the safe fit, the safe time and place in person to be sharing this with. Right. And so that sometimes requires some tools too, right?

Dr. Anikó: Sometimes journaling can be a great expression and containment tool. So all of this to say is that both becoming an adult is a big journey and it is a sacred journey and also supporting. Sorry, I got overwhelmed by a little bit of emotion there as well. Um, and I'm just gonna be real with y'all and not edit that out.

Dr. Anikó: Maybe, um, or maybe a little bit, maybe it won't be quite as long of a pause. It is an honor and a sacred privilege to be able to accompany our kiddos, whether there are biological kids or kids that are connected to us just with [00:13:00] deep love on this journey into adulthood. Because it is not easy and it can be scary and exciting and all the wonderful things, and what a privilege it's to be walking alongside them, supporting them, and watching them grow.

Dr. Anikó: So, yeah, I'm really in my feels with all this, y'all. Um, it's such a beautiful time. It can be so hard, and yet when we do our own work, man, it can be so beautiful. So I hope this inspires you to go keep doing your work and also maybe to see these changes through a different lens that our kiddos are really just trying to figure themselves out.

Dr. Anikó: Without all the adult tools we have, right? Like. We all know adults who aren't good at emotional management. Imagine that without a prefrontal cortex, right, a fully developed right. We have it. We just, it's not fully developed yet [00:14:00] in adolescence. So I hope this inspires you to. See this journey as a sacred transition and see your role in it as a deep and sacred privilege, and to see our kids as these incredible blossoming lights in this world.

Dr. Anikó: So take good care, y'all, and see you next time.

Dr. Anikó: Thank you so much for listening to Nourish Today. Your presence is truly felt and so deeply appreciated. I hope today's episode brought you some insight and also some inspiration to create an even better life and world for yourself and for your community. If you enjoyed this episode, please don't forget to follow the podcast and leave a review and please share Nourish with a friend.

Dr. Anikó: It helps more people discover the power of true nourishment. Until next time, take good care of yourself and your people. And [00:15:00] stay nourished.