20. Shadow Work and Emotional Resilience: Facing the Parts of Ourselves We Fear Most

In this episode of Nourished with Dr. Anikó, Dr. Anikó steps away from her planned topic to dive into one of the most powerful and often misunderstood tools for self-discovery and healing: shadow work. Drawing from Carl Jung’s teachings, the wisdom of psychotherapist Terry Cole, and her own reflections, she unpacks how the parts of ourselves we resist, deny, or even despise hold the keys to our freedom and wholeness.

Through honest conversation and practical practices, Dr. Anikó explains why ignoring our “shadow” only gives it more power and how consciously facing it can help us build resilience, compassion, and true self-acceptance. From meditation and journaling to sitting in the discomfort of stillness, this episode offers grounded tools for navigating the messy, complicated truths within ourselves and in our world.

Episode Highlights:

02:00 Why the aspects of others that trigger us often mirror unacknowledged parts of ourselves

05:00 The danger of glorifying unhealed behaviors versus truly integrating our shadow

04:00How “the shame monster” grows when we refuse to face uncomfortable truths

10:00 Simple practices—like seated meditation and early morning journaling—that help build emotional resilience

14:00 How shadow work can transform relationships, reduce shame, and reconnect us with our full humanity

Whether you’re new to shadow work or deep in the process of self-discovery, this episode will help you cultivate courage, compassion, and clarity on your journey toward wholeness.

Tune in now and discover how embracing your shadow can set you free.

Connect with Dr. Anikó:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr.aniko/

Website: https://www.draniko.com/

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Disclaimer:
The content of this podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only and does not constitute medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The views expressed are those of the host and guests and do not substitute for professional medical advice. Always seek the guidance of your physician or other qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding your health or a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay seeking it because of something you heard on this podcast.

Transcript

Dr. Anikó: [00:00:00] Hello. Hello y'all and welcome back to Nourished with Dr. Aniko today. I actually had a different episode planned. It was actually a rerecord of an episode that I did previously that kind of went off the rails a little bit. It just got too medical and too. It was too much and it was also super choppy. So I was sitting down today to rerecord that, [00:01:00] and that's not really what I want to talk about today.

What I'm really wanting to talk about today, because it feels very important and very relevant, is actually shadow work because. As Carl Jung said,

that which you most need will be found where you least want to look. Or as I recently heard Terry Cole say, who's a psychotherapist and relationship expert and author, she talks a lot about high functioning codependence. But what she said was, when you're in the rooms, and she was talking about recovery rooms, recovery spaces, if you spot it.

You got it right. So the things that bug us so much, perhaps to the point where we are [00:02:00] enraged, some people might even become violent because of it. That's just an uncomfortable truth that needs to be named. And I want to name it in the vein of this conversation is that the things. That often bother us the most in other people or in the world, are reflecting an uncomfortable truth about ourselves, an unaccepted part of ourselves, essentially.

And I think one of the kind of misunderstood ideas of shadow work is that the idea is that you're meant to. Like, love every part of yourself and be like, actually, this thing in me isn't bad. It's great. That can be part of it, but sometimes the thing in you is not good. And, and what we need to [00:03:00] find is the courage and honestly the emotional regulation.

To be able to face those parts of ourselves without crumbling. Because what we often do when we face those parts of ourselves or our sort of maybe faces, is a little much When we begin to suspect that that might be a part of us, what we often do is wall it off. Deny it. Say it's not possible,

but then it comes out in so many other ways. Not only that, it lives on basically in our subconscious because we're not facing it. And it grows and often it grows into what I call the shame monster. Um, sounds cuter than it is. The shame monster is at the heart of a lot of atrocities and really horrific actions, [00:04:00] right?

And It is only when we face these parts of ourselves that we not only become free, but we become whole because there are parts of ourselves that we need to heal. It's not that we need to love them and accept them and there are a lot of people out there and I don't know if y'all have seen the movie. Um, I bet you're not gonna be able to guess what movie I'm about to say the movie K-Pop Demon Hunters, right?

 it's a pretty amazing movie actually, if you haven't seen it yet, and a really wonderful soundtrack as well. But there is a part where. All these people are getting sucked into following this idol essentially because what they're being told is, I am gonna love you for the worst parts of you, for your shadow.

Which is a completely different [00:05:00] conversation, right? There's a big difference between loving yourself fully as you are, recognizing the things that are flaws, the things that need to be dug up and worked on and healed. There's a big difference between that and saying, I love you for the unhealed. Often harmful parts of you.

I celebrate that because that's not love and that's not wholeness and that isn't shadow work. That is often what ends up being a road to violence and dehumanization and. This is a heavy topic right now and it is an absolutely necessary topic right now, and y'all know that I don't talk about things without offering [00:06:00] some

paths of support. And right now the paths of support. Are to build your resilience to sitting with yourself and sitting with and seeing the truth of yourself. Sitting with and seeing the complicated truth of others, and sitting with and seeing the complicated truth of our society and our culture and what has happened.

Very intentionally. Also, let me just state that truth is that there has been a deep division in what we are being fed in terms of stories about news about one another,

to the point that we often don't share a common reality anymore. And in order to free ourselves from that right, free [00:07:00] ourselves from the story that not only we are telling ourselves 'cause there's that story and that's powerful, but there are also stories we are being told by others to get us to fall in line in some way.

Believe in some kind of thing, vote some kind of way, declare some other kind of person as our enemy. And what is often used is our shadow. It is the thing that we're so afraid of facing that we hide from it, we hide it away in ourselves, and when we see it in the world. We have an enormous reaction to it.

And so the way to free ourselves from this, ultimately because it is a freedom to see ourselves in our whole humanity, flaws and all, there is so [00:08:00] much truth to.

In some ways, no one can hurt you

by showing you who they think you are. If you know who you are, no one can hurt you by pointing out your flaws if you already know what they are. And you're working on them and hey, maybe you even see a part of this shadow, right? Because shadow, the shadow self doesn't have to be negative per se. It can have a negative impact on your life, but it can also be positive qualities.

It's whatever we have pushed away in the effort to be loved and accepted. Right? So your shadow part could be. Assertiveness because you were raised to believe that good people, lovable people, acceptable people, were not assertive. And then you shrink that part of yourself. Well, what do you do? What's your natural response in the world when you see somebody [00:09:00] being assertive, being loud, being pushy, even?

It could be revulsion. It could be hatred,

but the seeds of that come from within us, and that's one of the reasons I love this concept, and I love this work. Because at the end of the day, it's not just empowering because it is making the unseen seen. It is empowering because it allows you to stand in your full humanity and make choices about who you want to be in this world, how you want to show up in this world.

Because what you don't know what you've hidden from yourself. You can never have power over. In fact, it has power over you. It will decide what you're drawn to,

what repulses you.

And so a couple of [00:10:00] the most powerful ways I have found to build that emotional resilience. One is seated silent meditation. And I say this with a lot of intention that it is seated, so still. You can lie down, but I find that seated works even better because lying down is just a little bit too comfortable.

And that's not what we're working on here. We're not working on comfort. Well, we are, but we're working on comfort with discomfort. Right. And I'm not saying sit in a purposefully uncomfortable position. You can sit in a chair. You can sit on a cushion, right? I have some lower back issues, so I always need a cushion under my hips so that my hips are a little bit higher than my knees, y'all.

I meditated for a long time in a cross-legged position that was [00:11:00] horribly painful for my back. Uh, before someone's told me that that's not the discomfort that we're talking about, right? We're not talking about I have chronic back pain, or I have a knee issue and I have to sit in this way. That's not what's supposed to be uncomfortable, right?

What's uncomfortable is the stillness that you're not really supposed to be shaking at your legs or stretching out. You're staying in a static position. That should be at baseline, comfortable for you. That's why we say you can sit in a chair, you can sit on a cushion. If you need to stand or you need to lie down because of how your body is, that's fine.

But if you're able to sit in some kind of a position, that's preferable. The other uncomfortable thing that we need to get comfortable with or build resilience. In regards to is our [00:12:00] minds and building the skill of watching what our minds do, all of the thoughts and opinions and chatter and just babble that goes on in there.

And the longer that you sit there, and I don't mean necessarily in a session, although that can help too. But the longer you practice and the more you practice, the more you start to see your thoughts for what they are. There are reflection of your inner state. So your inner emotional state, if you're in a good mood, if you're in a bad mood, if you're sad, if you're happy, if you're hungry, any of those things, it reflects that.

It also reflects your deeper self, your fuller self, your biases, your preferences, perhaps perhaps your hatreds, and what we are building when we do meditation. 

[00:13:00] is a resilience in the face of discomfort. Because ultimately what we are building ourselves up to facing is the discomfort of seeing our own flaws, of seeing the ways in which we harm folks, of seeing ourselves not bathed in that light of perfection that we want to see ourselves as. That we want to see the world as.

But resilience and courage to face the full truth, because that fullness is where our humanity lies. That fullness is where we accept ourselves. And also how we came to be, right? Because seeing ourselves as full, flawed, and gorgeous and wonderful and all of the things human beings allows us to then see our parents in that same light.

And our friends, and [00:14:00] even those we consider to be our enemies. And we might reconsider that when we start seeing one another's full humanity. And seeing one another's full humanity seems incredibly paramount at this moment right now. The other way that I have found to be really helpful for this work. Is journaling, particularly journaling in the early morning, getting in that habit of just writing, writing whatever's on your mind.

It can be such a light to help you discover what's going on inside you, what's bothering you, what are you rejoicing in, what are you thinking about the practice is the point. Right. So if you need to at the beginning, you can start by writing down your dreams or writing that you're really annoyed that you're even doing this.

That's interesting, right? Maybe you don't like being [00:15:00] told what to do. Maybe we can dig a little more deeply into that. Another Yung quote I find really powerful is the most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely. But when you build up your resilience and your resources to do that terrifying thing, it sets you free. So even though this was kind of unexpected, even for me, I hope this inspires you

to start. Even inviting in the idea that maybe you don't know or love yourself or your friends or the world as deeply and as honestly as you could, and maybe there is a much deeper ownership you can take over your place in the world. And yourself in the world that will ultimately be [00:16:00] so healing for you and so healing for the world because you have gifts that you have only begun to discover.

Take such good carry all and I'll see you next time. [00:17:00]