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Your No Is Sacred: How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt

• Dora Alicia Praxedis • Episode 5

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Boundary-setting can feel like betrayal when you've been raised in a culture where family needs always come first. That guilt you feel when saying "no"? It's not just you — it's generations of conditioning that equates self-care with selfishness.

Drawing from personal experiences as a first-generation Mexicana, this episode dives into the messy reality of establishing healthy limits in Latino families. From the husband who interrupts work meetings to the late-night friend calls that drain your energy, we explore the everyday moments where boundaries become essential. You'll learn why statements like "la familia es primero" and "no seas egoista" make saying no feel impossible, and how these cultural expectations can lead to resentment, exhaustion, and disconnection from your authentic self.

Beyond cultural insights, this episode offers practical tools you can implement immediately. Discover ready-to-use boundary scripts for different relationships, signs your body is begging for boundaries, and a guided meditation to release the guilt that often accompanies self-protection. Through personal stories of boundary successes and failures, you'll see how setting limits isn't about pushing people away—it's about creating the conditions for more authentic connection.

Whether you're struggling with work-life boundaries, family obligations, or friendships that leave you depleted, this conversation reminds you that "aquí estoy, pero hasta aquí llego" (I am here, but this is my limit). Your needs are valid, your voice matters, and contrary to what you might have been taught, boundaries aren't selfish—they're sacred acts of self-love that benefit everyone in your life.

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Dora:

Hola, hola, mi gente querida, Welcome back to. Ay Mijita. Soy Dora Alicia Praxedis, intuitive healer, life coach, and your guide on this journey to sanar wounds, embrace nuestra cultura y reclaim our true selves. Today we're diving into something super important but often, hella, uncomfortable setting boundaries sin guilt. We'll talk about why boundaries feel so hard, especially in nuestra cultura, the myths we carry about saying no. Como reconocer where you need limites, practical scripts you can use with your loved ones and at work and professionally, and my own messy journey of learning to set boundaries because, trust me, I've been there. So ponte comfortable and let's get into it. Hola, hola, and welcome to Ay Mijita, embracing your roots. I'm your host, Dora Alicia Praxedis, intuitive healer, life coach, mamá, hija hermana y proud first-gen mexicana doing the deeper inner work to break generational cycles and reconnect with my true self.

Dora:

This podcast is pa' ti. Who's ever asked yourself why am I like this? Because deep down, you know there's more to your story than just survival. Here we dive into the messy, the magical, the medicine of healing, from inner child work to energetic limpias, astrology to ancestral wisdom, human design to hard boundaries. I share my lived experiences, spiritual tools and teachable moments, all with corazón y honestidad. So grab your cafecito tecito or that bubbly drink you love and let's get into today's episode, porque tu historia, tu voz y tu healing matter.

Dora:

So what are boundaries? Boundaries are basically the invisible fences around our time, energy, body and heart. Pero, growing up in Latino culture, sometimes we're taught that saying no is disrespectful or even selfish. So let me tell you a quick story. I normally work from home, my nine to five, and my husband used to have this habit of coming up to me every time he needed something, and he wouldn't necessarily know if I was in a meeting or not. Most of the time I would cave in because I didn't want to argue and I would tell him okay, I'll help you.

Dora:

But there came a moment in time where I'm in a meeting, my eyes are glued to the screen and my husband comes up to me hey me, puedes ayudar con esto? And I did not budge, I did not move from the screen. I was in a meeting, I was hosting it, and he felt super ignored because I did ignore him. I then later had to have a conversation with him and tell him that the talora, talora. So when I'm in a meeting, from this time to that time I wouldn't be bothered because I'm in a meeting and he needs to learn to respect that. And of course, I felt super guilty for ignoring him. And he felt super salty too, because he was being ignored and he needed something and, unless it's super urgent, but ordering something, let's say, online, could wait. It wasn't such an urgency, but that's where I started realizing that I needed to pause and ask myself like I need to stop having this guilt trip and choose myself first and what is needed in this given moment. Part of that is also I need to set boundaries right, time and space, having that honest conversation. Even though you see me working at home and you see me at my desk, I am in a meeting and most of the time I'm video camera on. So it makes it even that more awkward. When I'm in a meeting and I, you know, kind of deviate from the screen, my eye contact is disconnected for a while because somebody else is talking to me. Fortunately, my husband was able to understand and it took a while because it wasn't immediate that he was able to catch on, but that was that is just one example in my day today of a boundary that I established with a loved one. So why does saying no, feel so freaking hard.

Dora:

For most people, especially the first-gen Latinos or people of color, we are taught to put family first, siempre, like you have to drop everything in order to help out your family. Right, like I would always get the how come you're helping your friend when your family needs it most? And then, which leads to. We often carry this guilt if we choose ourselves and we're also guilted and shamed by our family members and loved ones that they should be more important, or your family, your kids. If you are a parent, siempre la casa es primero, which I totally get Like house should be first, but sometimes within your own house, you should be first. Right, you should be okay. Consequently, then we confuse boundaries with just being selfish. Te tachan de oh, ya, eres egoísta, you're ego, you think you're muy, muy and it's okay to unplug.

Dora:

Growing up, I felt like I had to be la hija perfecta. I was the big sister, the translator, the mediator, and saying no felt impossible. I'm sure there was a time when you felt obligated to say yes, even though your soul was screaming no, and we need to honor those moments and not try to override our own intuition, our own knowing that something's not right or you know your body's lighting up like a Christmas tree because it's a hell. No, boundaries aren't just about saying no, hay muchos tipos. Physical, like who touches you or enters your personal space. Emotional topics you're willing to or not to discuss your time and energy, like how much you can give before you're empty and running on low Spiritually, your beliefs, your rituals, tus limpias, if you incorporate them.

Dora:

Here's a personal one. There was a time where I overshared something with one of my good friends and that's where I had to kind of stop myself. One day. I just said thanks for asking, but I like to keep that private and, honestly, it felt so good Like I reclaimed a piece of myself back instead of giving my power away. You know when to trust someone and when not to, so that's something you need to honor, right.

Dora:

And if you get this kind of like ick feeling with someone that you're like, oh, I'm not going to share this with them because they're going to probably like, share my chisme, that's where you just keep it at that, right, very short, less is more, and just be open to that person might share with someone else and that's perfectly fine with you, right? You need to be okay with the stuff you can't control and you can't control how others kind of share that information, even though you probably said don't share this with anybody. O te estoy diciendo en confianza. But at times you know they're not going to honor it. So when I'm sharing I know that it's probably going to get out and there's no way around it. So that's where I again, it's less is more right. Just keep it to yourself or keep it at a minimum what you share.

Dora:

So which one of these boundaries is the hardest for you? Is it physically that you need to kind of keep your bubble emotionally, where you're? You know there's some certain subjects you don't want to talk about, or time and energy on? You know how, where you're, you know there's some certain subjects you don't want to talk about. Or time and energy on? You know how much time you're spending on certain things, or where you give that away. Right, because some people say time is money. Right, and you can do so much with your time and we have limited time and energy. Or spiritually, where that's where you kind of carve out that sacred space. Now let's talk cultura. In our community we hear, as I mentioned before, la familia es primero que van a decir no seas egoista. So we internalize that saying no equals hurting those we love. But here's la verdad Boundaries aren't walls, they're bridges to healthier relationships.

Dora:

For a few months and it didn't come to me naturally, but talking over it with my husband I realized that I wanted to see my mom happy and have her best interest, and so I did tell my mom that I needed my time and space in order to help process everything. I always thought that marriages had to hang on together, right, like do or die. You always have to be with your pareja, regardless of the circumstances, and that was a tough one for me to navigate with my mom and my dad, because I ended up siding with my mom and she came to live with us for about 12 years and we lived together and we were going through ups and downs, right, and there was times where, living under the same household with my mom for that time she was the grandma and my husband and I were parents and there would be this contradiction on how to parent our child. And eventually, when my youngest came along, that's where their relationship was different. Right, because they saw each other daily, and when my husband and I, we would have our own issues, my mom would be like oh, you know, you can do this on your own and I support you and I totally got that support from my mom. But then again it's like laying down this boundary that my marriage is my marriage and I do love my husband and we're going to work through this. But yeah, did it get super ugly, super fail? Obviously yeah, and it could definitely get very complicated when you have multi-generations living under a household. So my mom has her way of seeing things, my husband and I have our way of seeing things, my kids have their way of viewing the world and their opinions, and they do matter, right, but it's just very different dynamic when you have all these different people at the table and living under a household to manage.

Dora:

So think of a situation where you felt pressured por la familia. Ask yourself was I honoring my own needs or just avoiding the guilt? Ask yourself, was I honoring my own needs or just avoiding the guilt? Sometimes we don't even realize we're boundary-less. Aquí te dejo unas señales. You feel resentful, drained or anxious around certain people. You say yes, then secretly hope they cancel. You avoid answering calls or texts because you dread the requests or you feel responsible for others' feelings my dad, when he was sick from heart disease. I became everyone's emotional support my mom, my sisters, family, friends. I thought it was my duty, but oh guess what, I was exhausted. It wasn't until my body literally gave out, when I threw my back out, that I realized if I don't create boundaries, my body will create them for me. Has your body ever forced you to slow down because you didn't set boundaries? I'd love to hear your story on that, if you want to message me.

Dora:

Let's bust some myths. Myth number one boundaries are mean. Nope, they're respectful. They protect your energy and relationships. Actually, myth number two if they're mad at you, you did something wrong, not true. People might get upset when you change patterns. That doesn't mean you're wrong, though I would tend to internalize this and I thought, like, for example, with my husband, like when he seems like he's mad, although he just is the way he is. I would think, oh my God, que hice Like hice, algo mal. Like I didn't clean enough, I didn't do this enough, and instead of it being on me, it's like maybe nothing was wrong at all.

Dora:

Myth number three boundaries equal cutting people off. Well, sometimes boundaries mean less contact, other times it just means more clarity, and especially when you communicate those things out to individuals, especially if you don't have the bandwidth for their energy, that'd be negative. Or if they're always kind of complaining about life and that and if you're not having it about life and that and if you're not having it, then you don't necessarily have to cut them off. You just have to kind of distance yourself a bit. I once set a boundary with a friend who always drama dumped on me without asking and I said I care about you. Can you ask me first if I have space to listen to this? She was shocked at first, but now she checks in before unloading. Our friendship is so much healthier for it. I mean, there are times and I'm in the mood for a good chisme. So I appreciate that she now asks, and we have that common ground before we're starting a conversation.

Dora:

Now, if you have a pen and paper, you can write this down or you can think on a boundary you'd love to set but have been scared to. Imagínate how peaceful you'd feel if you did. Okay, let's get practical. Aquí te doy some boundary scripts. I appreciate you asking, but I can't help right now. I'm not comfortable talking about that. I need time to think about it. I'm not available this weekend, but I hope it goes well Now.

Dora:

I've used these quite a bit, actually, and that's where what comes to mind is one of my friends. She used to call me really late at night just to vent, and I was exhausted, to be honest, I just wanted to go to sleep, but I'd pick up anyway. You know, I thought, oh, she's going through a crisis. You know, algo está pasando. You know just me. And then one day I said I love you, honey, but I need to sleep. Can we talk earlier in the next? You know, the next day, and she was surprised, but she respected my decision. So that's where I created that safe, safe boundary with her. There's not rejection, there's clarity.

Dora:

Now, think of a person in your life and write a boundary script that you'd say to them, of course coming from a place of love and compassion, and practice it in the mirror. Look at yourself, tu chula self, and just pretend that you're looking at them in their eyes and say, hey, you know, I appreciate everything that you do for me and I know it comes from love, but I can't right now, or you have the ability to say okay, déjame pensarlo, I'll come back to you and I'll let you know a time or a date or another one is let me check with the family, like I'll let you know. It's like saying no without saying no, but then also giving you that liberty to kind of leave it open-ended, right To come back if it's something that is aligned with you. Let's keep it real. Even when you set a boundary, guilt shows up. Why, por qué? We're afraid of disappointing people, that's for sure For me. That's definitely number one for me. Or we feel responsible for everyone's feelings, like is this going to be taken the wrong way? Or how is this going to land right that I tell them no or I need to, you know, kind of figure out what's best for me. Or we've been conditioned to believe self-care is selfish or super egoista.

Dora:

For the longest time I've been the hustler at work, working long hours, making sure I get it all done, and I felt guilty saying no to extra projects at work and I worried what if they think I'm lazy? And that's one of them that I always wanted to be kind of, the one to get everything done right Even though I had to put myself through hell, and one to get everything done right Even though I had to put myself through hell and back, working long hours, getting up super early. I remember one time I would get up at five in the morning just to work on it, and then I would work all day and into the long hours of the night, like two, three in the morning, just to get it done right, meet that deadline. And I felt so good at it at doing those things. But I didn't sleep, I didn't eat. Sometimes I neglected my family, and so now I started saying I'm at capacity right now, but thanks for thinking of me, and that's one thing that I value myself, my time and how I split it up between my family, my work and all the other things that I do. And because I respect myself, people respected me more and guess what? They found someone else to help. I didn't have to do it all the time, or after all. And so next time you feel guilty, ask yourself is this guilt or is this growth Like, sit with yourself and ask that. See what comes up. So, circling back on this guilt and why we feel it, why do we feel guilty setting boundaries? Porque desde chiquitos escuchamos. Things like family comes first. Don't be selfish. God is watching.

Dora:

I became a little mom to my sisters at five years old and I remember thinking, if I'm useful, maybe they'll love me more. That pattern followed me into adulthood. Even when I'm exhausted, I would say yes. My healing started when I realized I don't have to suffer to be worthy of love. And so pause and reflect. Does this land somehow for you? Do you feel more valuable when you're helping everyone else or just being yourself? Now, boundaries look different depending on the relationship.

Dora:

So let's talk familia and work With familia. Like telling your mom I love you, but I'm not available to talk every day or at every hour, that you want to kind of call me right Just out of the blue. Or you tell your siblings I can't loan you money right now, and maybe it is like hearing them out a bit. Or it's just saying yeah, not at this moment. And knowing myself, I would probably ask. Like it's just saying yeah, not at this moment. And knowing myself, I would probably ask like I'm not your ATM? Well, you would think that right in your head. But that's where you want to make sure you're fine first, before you are able to tap into your own resources Now with work, telling your boss, for example, I'm happy to help but I'll need to move this deadline. And when it comes to with your coworkers, you could tell them I'm not available after 5pm.

Dora:

So there was a time where I remember I took my daughter, jocelyn, with me to work and I remember code switching so hard at work. So when I she would tell me that once I walked through the door of the office I'd be la profesional Dora, even if I was struggling, until one day I said I'm not taking on extra work right now, like I really need to focus on myself, my health, my wellness, like my train of thought, my focus, and that was huge for me. It felt terrifying but so liberating when I was able to do that for myself and stand up for myself and to assess and become aware of that code switching that I was doing. So think about one boundary you would love to set at work. Write the script, practice it Again. You can practice it in the mirror and maybe you'll find that liberating sense of relief once you go through those motions and dig a little deeper there.

Dora:

Setting boundaries changes your relationships. Y a veces duele. It hurts a lot deeply. So here are a few more scripted boundary phrases that you can use right now With family. You can say I love you, pero no puedo ir esta vez. Necesito recargar energía. So I love you, but I can't go this time. I need to recharge my energy With partners. You can say I care about you, but I need some alone time With friends. You can say I'm not available for that day, but can we talk another day. At work, you can say I'm a capacity right now. Let's revisit this next week. So at my job, my boss once said can you take this urgent task? And I said I'm fully booked today, but let's schedule it for Monday. And it worked Nobody exploded, I didn't get fired Like I was fine. So which phrase feels the hardest to say? I dare you to screenshot it and keep it on your phone. That way you have really quick access to it.

Dora:

Here are tools that help me maintain boundaries. A grounding breath such as I inhale peace, I exhale guilt. A mantra such as a no makes space for my true yes. You could try a visualization I'm surrounded by a golden bubble protecting my energy. Or my favorite limpias If someone crossed your boundary, do a limpia with the herbs or a quartz. Now I'm going to take this opportunity to do a quick mini ritual with you. So if you're not driving, you can go ahead and close your eyes and if not, you can take a pause and we can revisit this at a later time.

Dora:

Now take a deep breath in and exhale slowly. Inhale. Visualize white light pouring over your body, cleansing away guilt and obligations that aren't yours. Now repeat in your mind I release guilt. I honor my energy. I am safe to set boundaries. Now breathe three more times with that intention I release, I honor my energy. I am safe to set boundaries. I release guilt. I honor my energy. I am safe to set boundaries. I release guilt. I honor my energy. I am safe to set boundaries. Deep inhale in and big, long exhale out. Put your hand on your corazón, your heart, inhala, inhale and exhale. And repeat after me my needs are valid, my voice matters. I am safe to say no. Now take a deep breath, release it and feel your energy come back to you.

Dora:

So I know you're probably thinking I have questions and let me get through some of the preguntas you're probably having. Number one what if my family calls me selfish for saying no? You can answer back by saying and repeating calmly it's not rejection, it's me choosing self-love. Number two what do I do if people keep crossing my boundaries? Boundaries are words plus actions. You can say something like if this keeps happening, I'll need some distance. I invite you to send me a voice note telling me how you set boundaries this week. I'd love to share some stories in the future episodes.

Dora:

Boundaries are an act of love For yourself y también for others. So remember your esencia es sagrada. You deserve to honor it Already, amores míos, boundaries aren't selfish, they're self-love, and I always want you to remember this aquí estoy, pero hasta aquí llego. You don't owe anyone an explanation for your limits. Solo tienes que honrarlos. And if you're ready for deeper work, you know this is what I do con amor. So next week we'll explore and dive into reconnecting with your authentic self, especialmente as we are torn between familia, trabajo, work, community and cultura, all the voices and expectations from the external. We'll discover how to come back and center yourself even more deeply. So nos vemos pronto. Gracias por acompañarme, cariño.

Dora:

I hope this episode offered you a moment of connection with your story, your ancestors, or maybe even a part of yourself. You've forgotten with your story, your ancestors, or maybe even a part of yourself. You've forgotten. Remember, healing isn't linear. Sometimes it's a whisper, a boundary, a quiet no mas. Other times it's a breakthrough that shifts everything. Whatever it is for you today, honor it. You're not alone on this path. If this episode resonated, please share it with an hermana hermano a prima. Please share it with an hermana hermano, a prima, primo or a comadre who needs to hear it too. Leave a review, hit, subscribe, and let's keep building this healing comunidad together. Till next time, keep embracing your raices, reclaiming your esencia and walking your path Pa dentro y pa afuera.