Unshackling Guilt and Shame

Guilt whispers "I did something bad" while shame declares "I am bad" – and for many first-generation Latinas and women of color, these emotions form invisible chains keeping us trapped in cycles of self-sacrifice and silence.

From childhood phrases like "no seas egoísta" (don't be selfish) or "calladita te ves más bonita" (you look prettier when quiet), we inherit cultural scripts that dictate our worth based on how well we serve others. These messages manifest as people-pleasing, perfectionism, self-sabotage, and the inability to speak our truth. The knot in your throat when you want to speak up in meetings? That shame isn't yours – it belongs to generations of women taught that their voices weren't valuable.

This episode unpacks how these emotions get passed down through families and cultures, creating what I call "cajas de cristal" – crystal cages where we can see freedom but can't access it. Drawing from my personal journey as a teen mom who faced judgment, a daughter who became responsible for siblings at age five, and a professional who struggled to use her voice, I share how recognizing these patterns is the first step toward liberation.

Through practical healing tools including awareness exercises, reframing techniques, energetic limpias, journaling practices, and boundary-setting strategies, you'll learn to identify guilt that isn't truly yours and ritually release it. The weight you've been carrying on your shoulders isn't just emotional – it's ancestral, cultural, and collective. And it's time to set it down.

Whether guilt shows up when you prioritize rest over cleaning or shame appears when you speak your truth, remember: you don't have to carry what isn't yours. Join my 5 Day The Inner Spark Challenge beginning September 15, 2025 at dorapraxedis.com/challenge to continue this healing journey together. It's time to embrace your raices and reclaim your esencia without apology.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Guilt and Shame
• 10:04 Childhood Origins of Guilt
• 14:54 How Guilt Manifests Daily
• 18:39 Healing Tools for Releasing Shame
• 25:09 Setting Boundaries Without Guilt
• 26:09 Closing and Challenge Invitation

Transcript

Dora: 1:00

Hola cariño, welcome back to another episode of Ay Mijita, embracing your Roots, reclaim your Essence. I'm your Dora Alicia Praxedis, your intuitive guide, shamanic energy healer, and today we're going deep. We're going deep, we're talking about two emociones that so many of us carry like heavy chains guilt and shame. Whether it's guilt for wanting more or shame for not being enough, these feelings keep us stuck in cycles of self-sacrifice and silence. And here's the thing, amiga Most of that guilt, it's not even ours. It's inherited, it's cultural, it's generational. This episode is a little preview of what we'll dive in together inside my five-day Inner Spark Challenge, where we release what's not ours and reconnect with our esencia. So grab your cafecito or beverage of choice, your journal, and let's dig in. When I think of guilt as being overwhelming to me, that's where it makes me think back of when I became a teen mom and I lost so many of my friends, and definitely family, that they didn't talk to us anymore. So I'll be sharing a few things from my personal life as well, and looking forward to digging into deeper into this subject, because it is a touchy subject for me. Let's start by breaking it down. Guilt says I did something bad. Shame says I am bad. Do you feel the difference? Guilt is about actions. Shame is about identity and when we grow up in households where we hear things like no seas egoísta or calladita te ves más bonita, we internalize those words as truth. For first gen latinas and mujeres of color, guilt and shame often come from cultural scripts Guilt for saying no to familia, shame for wanting a life outside of tradition, like, for example, for me. I work nine to five and I do a lot of other things outside of the household and I usually feel the guilt when I don't clean or when I'm not doing that traditional wifey role and the mother role of like cleaning, cooking, taking care of the kiddos and everything I do feel that I feel the guilt. But then there's another layer of shame, because my husband would be very notorious for this and my mom would just give me the looks of like why are you cleaning? Why are you just watching TV? Well, I'm resting. I also need to recoup right. There's a little balance of everything. Fortunately, the kiddos are old enough that they can clean and do stuff around the house and they're self-sufficient. But there comes a time where those people around you also give you like las indirectas, like the look or like the make you feel that shame.

Dora: 4:20

The other one was when I would speak up as a kid, I would often get shut up from my parents because they're like, and that really caused me to hold my voice back. And so when I became an adult and into my career, we would be in meetings. I would want to chime in and I wouldn't speak up and it would frustrate people so much because I had the knowledge but I was afraid of speaking up, like to the point where I would get a knot in my throat and it took me so long to overcome those things. But that's how, like, feeling that guilt, right, the knot in my throat and the shame of others, like my parents. I remember them telling me that that's like the voice in my head, right, is my dad saying no, ya callate. Or the other one that's really good, that it's probably going to hit a nerve for some of you is yeah, eres muy pendeja, or you're stupid and dumb, and yeah, you internalize those words. They hurt deeply. So take a deep breath and ask yourself what's one moment in the past week where guilt or shame showed up? Now for real, pause for a moment. Think of the last time you felt guilty. Was it really because you did something wrong or was it because you were afraid of disappointing alguien más? If you have your journal handy, I would suggest for you to write it down in your journal.

Dora: 5:55

When I look back, I see how guilt and shame showed up for me. Desde chiquita, growing up, I became like a mama to my sisters at five years old. If I didn't do everything right, I felt guilty. When I couldn't hold it all together, I felt shame. Later, as a teen mom, society piled on the in quotes. You ruined your life. That wasn't mine to carry, but I believed it. Think about your childhood. Did you ever feel like you were too much or not enough? Did you carry guilt for things that weren't even your fault this is generational that weren't even your fault? This is generational Our madres, abuelas, bisabuelas. They were taught to put everyone else first. Self-sacrifice became survival. But that survival pattern doesn't serve us anymore. These emotions aren't random, they're inherited. Many of us carry that Catholic guilt, that cultural guilt, guilt, machismo, expectations.

Dora: 7:02

I remember once when I felt shamed and I think we go through this often where I was told que me veo gordita and gordita me veo mas bonita. Or the other one is to good daughter sacrifice like. That's what I was inherently told because I was the oldest and I had to take care of my sisters, having felt that responsibility so young and doing like the chores of like vacuuming and stuff at a very young age. Those are responsibilities that I carried embodied and if I didn't do them right, that's where I would have the guilt settle in. I needed to be the one to figure shit out, to go through the motions, even for my parents, and then I was shamed into it if something went wrong. It was like on me and I honestly probably learned this from my mom. My mom endured a lot. She had the operations of the household, she was the CEO. She was the one that managed the kids, the house, the cleaning, the cooking, the working, the everything. My mom is a go-getter. I've never met a woman that has self-sacrificed as much as she has, even with my grandma, like she still, to this day, goes and drops her off her Carlita de Pollo every weekend when she can and it's most weekends, unless she is literally out like because she's sick or something.

Dora: 8:33

Ask yourself, when was the first time I remember feeling guilt? When was the first time I remember feeling guilt. When was the first time I felt shame? Notice if it connects back to family, cultura or survival patterns. What guilt or shame did your parents or culture hand you that doesn't feel true to you anymore? Meditate on that or write it down in your journal and see what comes up.

Dora: 9:01

Now let's dissect a little bit of what happens when we carry guilt and shame. They show up as people pleasing, always saying yes. When we're, when we're exhausted and we just want to crash like we want to go to sleep, we want to shower, whatever and just go right, and we still keep saying yes and even though we don't energetically want to be there for them, we really do. We push through and we were taught to grind, to push through and be there for everybody, and if you're not there, you're like perceived as lazy or you don't care, which that is not true.

Dora: 9:39

The next one is perfectionism. If I'm flawless, no one can judge me right. That's the one thing that we think that's going to get us through is being perfect and, as we all know, jesus was perfect. Like we're not perfect, we all have flaws. We sin on a daily. You know, vamos a la iglesia. And right when we're outside of the, in the parking lot. We're like already sinning, so let's just get real. Nobody's perfect lot. We're like already sinning, so let's just get real, nobody's perfect. And I like this quote from someone, and I don't know who said it, but I am no one and no one is perfect. Therefore I am perfect. That's kind of funny, but that's where we want to strive for this perfectionism and we just beat ourselves up. So that's the other way. It keeps showing up in my life, for sure, because I strive for that, you know, like getting the A plus plus all the points, and and we just beat ourselves up. So that's the other way. It keeps showing up in my life, for sure, because I strive for that, you know, like getting the A plus plus all the points and everything.

Dora: 10:32

The third one is self-sabotage. That's where when we don't fit in, we just like to play it small so no one gets upset, and that's definitely not something that you want to be living by, right, because you have things are going, and that's the other thing too. I noticed that, like particular people in my family I'm not going to say who usually like we're good and then all of a sudden, like some stupid, we get mad over some stupid shit like cleaning and shit, like I don't really understand that. But that's like sabotaging the situation, right? Or we're like I'm doing something and I scrutinize it and I find one error, oh my God, and then I doubt everything I've done. Like at work, I start dissecting and going through all the motions and and doing my due diligence, but then it becomes to a point where it's counterproductive.

Dora: 11:22

The last one is silence, so not speaking your truth, because you're scared of that rejection. And rejection is real, like I see it in a daily with my family, my friends, the clients that I work with. We just we're afraid of being perceived a certain way and so sometimes we just don't say anything at all because we're like, no, why do we rock the boat? Right? That's where you really have to speak up in a compassionate and loving way. And, yes, it takes a little bit, it takes a little discipline to not have diarrhea of the mouth and just keep going with you know words. But when you're so passive that way, like with that silence, the other person can't read your mind and that's how you hinder the communication between people that you love, and that's where setting the boundaries and so on and so forth. That's where, by being silent, you're not helping out the situation, you're actually hurting it.

Dora: 12:19

For me, guilt delayed my podcast. I kept thinking. For me, guilt delayed my podcast. I kept thinking who do I think I am to share my story? And then shame, right behind it, came whispering. Your voice isn't enough. But guilt and shame aren't motivators, they're actually cages they give you. It's una caja de cristal, like you can see everything around, but you're like. You're like in your own prison. They keep us disconnected from our authentic self. And that shame is cabrona, because it makes me second guess myself when I'm in, especially at work, like it would really hit me in the butt, because I would think, oh no, tu que sabes? Like you know, everybody got it, you don't need to chime in.

Dora: 13:06

But now I guess, in the position I am, I have, I carry this wealth of knowledge that I'm doing everybody a disservice if I don't share it, and especially with my relationships. Being a mommy like I have to, I have to call my kids out on their shit, that when they do it, you know when they're not doing it right or when, mr, you know my kid is acting out, acting out in the way of, like you know, overconfident to the point where it's like cocky. That's the type of thing that I have to, you know, kind, of course, correct a little bit. But yeah then, and sometimes being silent sometimes is perceived rude, and that's not always the case. They definitely got thoughts. Everybody got something to bring to the table. It's just a matter of being open and being safe, right to speak up as well. So that's where working through that knot in my throat, man, that took years, but that's where now, knowing what I know, now, I'm able to help others go through those motions and really dig in deep and see where it's coming from. So then we can go ahead and work on those things where it's rooted from.

Dora: 14:13

Now, close your eyes, if you can, of course, if you're not driving. Breathe in through your nose, breathe out slowly. Bring to mind one guilt or shame you've carried recently. Now is a good time to, if you can, place your hand on your corazón, breathe in compassion. One Breathe in compassion. Breathe out to release that guilt or shame you are hanging onto, feel the release with your exhale.

Dora: 14:59

Let's talk about cómo sanamos. Healing guilt and shame is not about pretending they don't exist. It's about alchemizing them into compassion. Here we're going to walk through a few tools that we can do and have. The first one is awareness. So name that voice. Is it yours or an echo of familia or cultura?

Dora: 15:27

So I always thought that I needed to be right and it still comes up for me where I need to be that perfection. And that came rooted from when my parents would put me as a translator and stuff, and if I got something wrong it was obviously on me. But like I was young, I didn't know better, and so that's when I realized that guilty thought of always being right wasn't actually mine, like I was given that and I was told that from my parents that and consequently that I needed to figure it out. And I always need to figure out the answer, like I don't rest until I do, and I'm aware of that now, where I have to sometimes let it go, and it's really hard for me because I'm semi-control freak, but it's really hard for me to let go for things and come to that resolution and reconciliation of I just don't know the answer, but fortunately with Google and Chetchupti it's way easier. But having that awareness for myself has really caused me to lift that guilt from my shoulders.

Dora: 16:38

The second one is reframing and you can say something like I'm selfish for resting right, that's that feeling guilt, and you can reframe it to resting makes me stronger for my comunidad, or I deserve to rest too. And keeping going with this example of I need to always be right and keeping going with this example of I need to always be right, instead of saying that it's I'm allowed to not know the answer and ask for help when I need it that, for me, was a game changer asking for help because I always thought I needed to know the answer right. So that was a big reframe for me mindset wise shift wise that gave me the permission to kind of seek for the answers but not necessarily have the end goal of knowing the answer right. Or delegating delegating and asking for help to someone that can help me out in my situation.

Dora: 17:40

The third one, which is my fave and my fan fave, is an energetic limpia, so using a huevo to sweep guilt and shame off your body, or you can burn sage copal if you have it. I also like rose incense as well, where you can clear the air with that palo Santo or sage if you use it, especially when I need to remove that emotional weight or when I feel happy and that shame that wasn't mine, when I go to a party, or if I observe something, if I pick something up and I feel it like I'll go through and I'll come home and I'll like barrarme con palo santo and just like release the negative energy. And I say that three times, which is my favorite to do. Number four is journaling Write down the stories of guilt, shame and then rip it up, burn it. Burn that piece of paper, obviously in a very safe container or outside, where it's still like it's starting to become like end of summer into fall. It's a little chilly here in Chicago, but you can go outside and burn it and this is so symbolic because you're releasing and that in and of itself is powerful and with the burning I have symbolized that it's a ritual to shift that energy right. You're not holding onto that any longer and you could do this for like negative energy, but this guilt and shame. But you can use this exercise actually if something's weighing on you like grief, negativity, I don't know, somebody needs to hear this right now. I would say write down everything that is no longer serving you and either rip it up, but the best would be to burn it outside because it does release that black smoke and that way you're not hanging onto it anymore and that way you're not hanging on to it anymore.

Dora: 19:48

Now, the last one number five is boundaries Practicing saying no with love. Now this one in particular. This past week I actually was having a conversation with my husband on how there are certain elements and certain things that have happened recently that have caused me to shift my priorities in life and I flat out told him I'm like, like I'm not going to accept negativity anymore. I'm not going to tolerate it from you and from no one. Like that's one thing, like saying it right, communicating that to my husband, but then for him to actually accept it and embody that right. And I do feel guilty because I don't want to cut him off and I do want to hear him out and I do want him to vent and all. But I need to be asked first, like do I want to hear it?

Dora: 20:42

You know it's like sometimes pessimistic thoughts, intrusive thoughts like that don't help a situation. Like just try to be on the positive side, but obviously I cannot be positive for both of us. You know that'd be for my husband or for anybody else around me Like I'm not going to accept that, I'm not going to tolerate that from this point forward. Right, prospectively, maybe in the past I did and I totally felt guilty about it. But I feel like I'm in a position in my life right now where I don't have to tolerate that shit no longer and I'm just going to hold that boundary. And as long as I communicate it and if a person does become negative, it's like, okay, I'm bowing out of this conversation. Right now, I'm going to be very honest and I'm going to hold that boundary to the point where I might say, okay, this conversation is over and I walk away. If it's in person, or I literally will hang up the phone and it's like I'll text them back just saying call me when you're, you know, out of that funk of negativity, because I'm not willing to hear it. It sounds very blunt, but it's not serving me, so why do I have to hang around? And again, this is where we people please, right, like, oh, que va a decir? Aquel Que me va a decir Se va a sentir mal. No, it's like I needed to watch out for myself, right. And no, it's like I needed to watch out for myself, right. And you need to hold the. You need to hold it up, you need to respect yourself, and that's a way of respecting yourself is holding up the boundary, because once you respect yourself and you hold the boundary, I bet that the other person is going to respect you for it going forward. It's just a learning curve at this point, so that is definitely something that I've been working on this week and it's been paying off for me actually.

Dora: 22:28

Now for a reflection exercise. Bring to mind one guilt you've carried. Ask yourself is this mine? And if no, visualize handing it back to where it came from. Thank you for teaching you and let it go. And if you rather journal, grab your journal and write down the guilt I've been carrying is and finish out that sentence and let it pour out as long as you need. You can pause this when you're done. Ask is this mine or does it belong to someone else? Circle what's not yours. That's what we need to release.

Dora: 23:15

Now visualize holding a heavy backpack. You can put it on your shoulders or you can carry it on your shoulder. Inside are rocks labeled guilt and shame, and these are not pebbles. These are actually big blocks, big rocks. Feel the weight, how it feels on your shoulders how it weighs you down in your body. Now imagine setting it down. Step forward lighter, whisper to yourself Soy suficiente, I am enough. Take a deep breath in and exhale out any residue that you have.

Dora: 24:25

Mijita healing. Guilt and shame doesn't mean you'll never feel them again. It means they don't ruin your life anymore. You're allowed to rest, you're allowed to shine, you're allowed to be enough, exactly as you are. And if this episode spoke to your corazón, I want to personally invite you to join me for my five-day Inner Spark Challenge. We begin September 15th at 7: 30PM Central Standard Time. Together, we'll release what's not yours, reconnect with your true self and start shifting from that inside out. You can sign up at dorapraxedis. com/ challenge. Let's walk this path together and remember this you don't have to carry what isn't yours. Until next time, embrace your raices, reclaim your esencia. Bye, y, con cariño, un fuerte abrazo.