Boundaries, Truth, and Reclaiming Your Power After Years of People-Pleasing

What happens when the "good girl" you've been playing all your life starts suffocating the authentic woman you're meant to become? In this soul-stirring exploration, we unpack the survival strategy that many first-gen Latinas and women from traditional backgrounds know intimately—the compulsion to please everyone, stay small, remain quiet, and always be "nice," even when your spirit is screaming "no más."

Growing up hearing "pórtate bien" or "que vas a saber tu, mocosa" trains us to equate our worth with our ability to comply. This conditioning follows us everywhere—into boardrooms where we smile through microaggressions and take on unpaid work, into relationships where we ignore red flags to avoid being "dramática," and even into our own bodies, which bear the burden of our self-betrayal through physical symptoms like tight throats, stomach knots, and chronic exhaustion.

Through vulnerable personal stories and practical wisdom, this episode guides you through recognizing where the good girl lives in your body and how to gently, firmly evict her. You'll learn powerful boundary scripts tailored to different scenarios—from workplace assertiveness to family gatherings—and experience a guided inner child reparenting practice that helps heal the part of you that learned it was safer to be "good" than truthful.

The most transformative insight? Your body has been giving you data all along. That discomfort when you say yes but mean no isn't you being dramatic—it's your inner wisdom crying out for authenticity. By tuning into these signals and honoring them with clear boundaries, you begin the journey from "quedar bien" to "quedar bien conmigo"—from pleasing others to honoring yourself.

Ready to release the good girl and reclaim your power? Join me for a special 7-day Good Girl Detox Challenge with daily practices to strengthen your boundary-setting muscles and reconnect with your authentic voice. Your transformation begins with a single, powerful truth: you don't have to earn your worth. Ya eres suficiente—you are enough.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Releasing the Good Girl
• 3:38 Where the Good Girl Mentality Comes From
• 8:58 Personal Journey of Overperforming
• 14:36 Recognizing Your Body's Warning Signals
• 18:24 Boundary Scripts for Different Situations
• 26:10 Reparenting Your Inner Child Practice
• 32:23 7-Day Good Girl Detox Challenge
• 35:52 Handling Objections and Final Energy Cleanse

Transcript

Dora: 1:00

Hola, hola, mi gente linda, Welcome to. Ay Mijita, embracing your Raices. Reclaim your Esencia. I'm Dora Alicia Praxedis, your intuitive guide and shamanic energy healer. Today, we're releasing the good girl mentality. Ese patrón de complacer a todos staying small, quiet. Ese patrón de complacer a todos, staying small, quiet, always nice, even when your espíritu is screaming no más. If you grew up hearing portate bien or que vas a saber tu mocosa, this episode is for you. We'll name where a good girl shows up in our bodies, our relationships and our business. Then I'll guide you through boundary scripts an inner child reparenting practice and an energetic cleansing to call your power back. Breathe conmigo, inhale, Exhale, exhale. You don't have to earn your worth. Ya eres suficiente. You are enough. Now, before we begin, whisper to yourself I'm safe to take up space. Estoy segura en mi verdad. I am sure in my truth. The good girl is not you. It's a survival strategy. She follows rules to stay loved, be agreeable, be helpful. Never make waves. Say yes even when your body says no. Say yes even when your body says no.

Dora: 2:59

In many first-gen Latino homes, being buena hija meant get good grades, help raise siblings, no boyfriends. No, talking back. Over-serve la familia In corporate. It becomes smiling through the microaggressions, taking back extra projects sin pago, not negotiating In relationships. It's ignoring red flags. Para no ser dramática, listen, this strategy kept us safe Hasta que ya no. Hoy, we honor her for protecting us and we lovingly retire her from the HR in our lives. Gracias, mija, we got it from here. Now I want you to meditate or just really focus on these prompts and, if you feel called to, you can grab your journal and write a little further on these. Where do I still confuse being good with being safe? If I wasn't performing good, girl, what would I say no to this week? Is there something that's being called to you that you can release? What am I afraid will happen if I disappoint someone? I feel like a gut, like something hit me in my gut like a punch and sometimes my heart drops to the floor, kind of feeling right, la bolita que te sube y te baja, and I feel so bad. So just sit with these and see what comes up. Now let me take you back.

Dora: 5:24

I grew up first-gen Mexican daughter in the Chicago West suburbs and, as a chiquita, I learned to be responsible, like, for example, taking care of my sisters ever since I was five, like I needed to vacuum and like somewhat clean. But there would be all these people At one point. We we lived in where was it? Displains, on Tui and Route 83, and there was a trailer park and that's where I remember there was so many different families at one point living with us bunking in. There would be people in the living room. We had a three bedroom and then we had to like, add on and we would share my, the family of five. So my mom and dad and my two sisters and myself we shared a one like one bedroom of that place and so there would always be, I feel, like a revolving door of people coming home from work and then leaving. And my mom, she just knew I would always get fed.

Dora: 6:01

But at a very short age I felt like this responsibility for watching out for my sisters. I eventually became their mother figure because every time they needed someone, they always knew they could rely on me. Consequently, when I got pregnant at 16, that really shaped my identity as being that strong one and it really reinforced that mother figure. And that's where I think, growing up, I was taught that I needed to do all these things in order to perform and be that good girl and with my pregnancy, I felt like I needed to overcompensate for all the damage that I did to my loved ones unintentionally, because when you're a teenager, you just think about yourself like you don't really think. I honestly thought I was invincible. I thought I was immortal, like I would never die, nothing bad would ever happen, but the reality is it's very different. I wasn't really thinking of the unintended consequences that would happen like such as creating all this, like chaos and drama, like within our immediate family, and there was a few elements that were already broken.

Dora: 7:19

But I ended up taking that guilt and internalizing it and all my decision-making from then forward was I need to prove myself. I need to prove that I am a working person. I have a work ethic, like my parents, because they always showed up to work. I had three jobs at one point, my senior year in high school, and I had a one-year-old and I was in AP classes and I was a great student and I think that was the year where I, like would lose sleep over doing homework, performing, going to work. I remember I worked at Bath and Body Works because I needed to be 18 to do that and we would pull like really late shifts and I would get out like at midnight, one in the morning. I remember my boyfriend didn't believe me as well that I would get out at that time, so he would wait for me outside.

Dora: 8:09

But having all this set responsibility performing that really caused me to lose myself in this like expectations or what I thought expectations to everyone else. And so in el trabajo corporativo, my corporate world, I carried that same armor. I overperformed, I code switched, I said yes when my body said ya, basta. And that's where I remember there was a particular event, actually a black area, era of my life at corporate, where I had this manager and they actually would come over to my desk and say that everything that I was doing was a piece of shit, like literally, and I did not know my rights in HR. Like I did not know that I had rights and there was like non-retaliatory behavior. There was all these things that I needed to consider and, being that first gen, like I didn't really have a person that shepherded me through that corporate process. It was more of me kind of learning by the ropes and fortunately later did I get blessed with great coworkers that shepherded me through the process and probably spoke up to the president and told him hey, this is going on over here. So that will always remain a mystery to me.

Dora: 9:33

But during those years I remember it was two years or more that this individual would undermine me. I would just take it Anytime I completed a project, that person would make it seem like it was their project, like they excelled, it was their idea, their everything. But I remember this one time where the president of the company lost all his faith in me and that really shaped me, because there was one thing he said that I will always remember it's like Dora. Time will tell and time will tell the truth. And yes, like two years later, this individual that me hizo la vida de cuadritos, let's say like telenovela vibes, like the villain, this individual, every time there would be something that you know shit hit the fan with a project or something, it was my fault, everything was my fault.

Dora: 10:27

And that's when I realized, wow, not everybody's there to support you. Some people are there to really undermine you and take credit for what's not theirs. And that really hurt, because being told you're kind of like this loser by your manager or that you're inadequate for certain things, when you know you're worthy, you know you have what it takes. It's just this individual, for some reason, is bottlenecking your excelling in the job or in your career. That's when I realized okay, later retrospect, this person was obviously just jealous and, to a point, envious of my performance because they wanted the kudos.

Dora: 11:19

I ended up taking a huge project that was on their plate and it took a bit of time, but I was able to get things done and that's how I was able to prove myself. But we need to be the advocates for ourselves and conforming like with this manager that I thought, oh, this individual is like wanting my best interest in that and I wanted to perform according to their expectations. Man, that is something I regret because I really played myself down. I dumbed it down. I would no joke cry on my way home and that's when I noticed I began gaining weight because I would pass by through the drive-thru and get my I think it was definitely McDonald's and Portillo's my cheeseburger and my cheese fries and my Coke, and all that because I thought, oh, that's my relief, right, that's my comfort food, that, or Dairy Queen I love myself a good Blizzard Snickers any time of the year. But that's where I didn't honor myself and I just wanted to conform to what this manager had in mind for me and I just decided to take it, which was not the best scenario. So what changed? Not the best scenario. So what changed?

Dora: 12:39

My back injury eight years ago cracked me open. My body said you will rest or I will make you. So that's when I call it a divine smackdown, because that's what caused me to really slow down. I ended up getting a herniated disc and so it caused all this inflammation to the point where my leg, my left leg, went numb and I couldn't walk for two weeks. No joke, I was in a walker, um, like the you know the third age, los ancianitos.

Dora: 13:09

And then, in 2019, losing my dad brought me into this deeper healing and I realized parenting and being responsible and being that mother figure. I do it all the time. I did it with my dad even. Even though your parents are supposed to teach you, that's where we are like. We as the children, as the sons and daughters, we are the ones teaching our parents a better life, a better move forward.

Dora: 13:47

And it was quite the grieving process as well and, as I explained before in previous episodes, I grieved my dad at 16, when I got pregnant, so when he did pass away years later, at the age of 54, from heart disease, after living with it for close to 10 years, that was really a loss because he was Mr Iron man. He was the one that never would. I didn't. I joked that he had nine lives as a cat, but he was the one that kept going. He would go to the hospital, he would come back out. I didn't think that the last time I hugged my dad would be the last time.

Dora: 14:29

So, little by little, I started telling the truth. I can't do that. I need help. I deserve to be paid. You see, some people didn't like it, but guess what? I started to like me. I deserve to be paid. You see, some people didn't like it, but guess what? I started to like me. I started to honor myself. I started to move forward and move through that fear of like. Oh, I don't want to disappoint you know my manager, which estaba loca not gonna lie. That's where just knowing that you support yourself, you hold yourself, that creates the big difference, that creates the safety in your body to be able to take that next step. So think of one memory where you learned it was safer to be good than truthful, place your hand over your corazón, say I see you. Gracias por protegerme, thank you for protecting me.

Dora: 15:27

The body snitches in the kindest way. Good girl often feels like tight throat when you want to say no Pit in the stomach before a combo Shoulders up to las orejas after you agree to something Exhaustion, hypervigilance after family gatherings, especially when you're carrying all that energy that's not yours. So your body isn't dramatic. She's data to family gatherings, especially when you're carrying all that energy that's not yours. So your body isn't dramatic, she's data. She's your inner Nina saying is it safe for me to be honest? So let's do a little practice. I want you to inhale through the nose for four, so hold for four, Now exhale for four, now exhale for six. Drop your shoulders, unclench the jaw, ask Body what's my true? No, what's my true? Yes? Trust the whisper. And you can do this mini exercise and practice anytime that you feel overwhelmed or you want to check in. It's a great practice to do on a daily if you can and just like tune into your body and what is it saying so in your journal, or you can just contemplate on these questions.

Dora: 17:09

Where does good girl live in my body? What does my truthful self feel like somatically so in the body. Boundaries aren't walls, they're clarity, akiya, scripts and different vibes. Choose yours. So let's talk about the first one low-key, polite. Here are some phrases that you can say I'm not available for that, but thanks for thinking of me. That doesn't work for me. I can do blank instead.

Dora: 17:48

Now let's talk about being direct and kind. I'm not taking unpaid projects. Here's my rate, and then you name the dollar amount. I can't host this holiday. Let's potluck, or I'm happy to bring, I don't know, some chilaquiles or some, I don't know, carnitasada, I'm just kidding. Fill in the blank. Culture consciousness.

Dora: 18:12

Mamá, te amo y te quiero honrar nuestra relación. No puedo hablar de mi cuerpo o compararme con primas. Si vuelve a pasar me, voy a retirar de la conversación. So, mom, I love you and I want to honor our relationship. I can't talk about my body or compare me to my cousins. If it keeps on happening, I am going to retreat from this conversation. Oh, this one's a good one, tío, no hagas chistes de eso. Me hace sentir incómoda. Cambiamos de tema. So, uncle, don't make jokes about that. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Let's just change the subject Now.

Dora: 18:59

These are really hard ones to reframe because culturally, like our elders especially, you know your ma, your uncle in this one, but any other relatives it's really hard to change their mind because they're really set on their beliefs. But slowly but surely, once you start stating these boundaries, they will have to conform to you and to what you want and you need to honor them. If you keep on overriding them such as like not honoring or respecting your own boundaries people are going to do the same thing. So set the example and if you do this and embody it, you're giving them permission to also call their boundaries as well and communicate them Right. And sometimes, yes, it comes off a little reprimanding at first, like hey, no, digas eso, tienes que ser más woke or tienes que ser más consciente de la sociedad. And you know, pero, just say those things, like, have the conversation. And if it causes a little contrast, a little friction with them, that's actually a good thing.

Dora: 20:04

Conflict although people we don't like to use that word, conflict is actually a great conversation starter because usually people get fired up on their take on things Now in the workplace. That's outside my bandwidth. Which current project should I deprioritize? If I take this on, I'm glad to help during work hours. I won't be available nights and weekends. So, girl, claim it C. Claim it Like you don't have to be the good girl and conform. Like, claim your worth, claim your boundary, because that is the way you.

Dora: 20:40

Self-love is the boundary setting. That is something that I see with my clients all the time is that they say something but they don't like follow through. Like, for example, is that they say something but they don't like follow through. Like, for example, I don't want to eat or I don't want to drink soda anymore, or I don't want to drink alcohol anymore. And that's actually something I'm integrating myself is I am not going to have alcohol anymore.

Dora: 21:03

So my Tuesdays and Thursdays at my favorite place here in West Chicago is Coco Loco Shout out, there they have. They have tacos Tuesdays and Thursdays and margaritas half price on Tuesday, thursdays, and oh my gosh, I am definitely gonna miss those. But then again, I can always go for the virgin option. But I am dropping alcohol for personal reasons. And if I were to go right, especially with my husband and I and you know we always we go Thursday nights and it's like, oh, I was putting a Margarita, and if I just want to please him, and it's like, yeah, let's go. If we go, I'm probably going to have the tacos right. I'm not going to have the Margarita because I want to honor myself and what I'm doing for me, but if my husband keeps pushing on it like that's not honoring the boundary, even if he buys it for me, I won't drink it Right, unless you feel compelled to and then you conform, or you, you're a sucker for it, you, you get swayed to drink in it. So, again, it's up to you, and that's where you are the dictator of your own life and your boundaries. And that's where you are the dictator of your own life and your boundaries.

Dora: 22:18

Now, this next one relationships. This one hits. This one hits because these are the ones you can use. I need time to process. Let's revisit mañana at 6 pm. I'm not available for raised voices. I'm stepping away and will return when we're calm.

Dora: 22:30

This one's a good one, the last one to practice, because when I'm having an argument with someone, I can think of an individual and this person loves to talk over everybody and they've been better, but still like they pretty much have diarrhea of the mouth and they raise their voice and I'm just taking it, right, I'm just taking it. Taking it, taking it Supuestamente. Yo I'm giving them space, which there's an art to that. I mean, yes, you can hold the space for the person, but when you start getting triggered and shit like that's when you should know hey, it's time to you know we're saying very hurtful things or you're taking in a lot of things and in a way, we all have narcissistic behavior in our personalities. We all do like to some degree. If you meet somebody that doesn't, please IM me, like DM me on Instagram, or send me an email. I would be happy to read through it or, even better, send me a voice memo. But if you have a really good narcissist story, let me know, because you know my dad, my dad's up there. Que paz descanse, pero I know a lot of narcissistic people in my life and I love some good stories and maybe you'll be featured in the future episode.

Dora: 23:46

But for this one with relationships, you have to call it out Like the person is not going to know that you're getting triggered. You have to call it out Like the person is not going to know that you're getting triggered and you need to. That's where having that awareness is such a big step, when you know that you're also getting like uneasy, uncomfortable in the body, like honor that, like it's time to walk away, like, oh, let me go, let me go, right, let me go turn off the beans that I put on the stove. Just make sure you're taking care of you first. If you're cool, collected, you are able to make better decisions in any area of your life. So pick one script, text it to yourself. That's your good girl detox line of the week. Now close your eyes, if you can. Hand on heart, hand on belly, and that's inhale for four and exhale for six. So inhale for four and exhale for six.

Dora: 25:07

Picture your younger self. Maybe five, maybe 14. Where is she? What is she wearing? What does her face say? Tell her mi amor, I'm so proud of you. You carried so much. You never had to be perfect to be loved. I'm the grown up now To be loved. I'm the grown-up now. I protect you. You get to play, to be loud, to rest and bear witness to her.

Dora: 26:29

Ask her what do you need from me this week? And take a moment to listen. It might be a nap, a song, a song Time outside Saying no to something. Now imagine a gentle limpia a huevo, rolling down from crown and the top of your head to your feet, collecting comparison guilt shame. Collecting comparison guilt shame. Visualize it. Pulling the residue of be good or be punished. Say aloud. Say aloud, release what's not mine. Regreso mi poder. I choose truth over performance. When you're ready, you can open your eyes and in your journal, or you can just contemplate on these questions. My inner nina needs what from me this week? If I trusted I was safe, I would stop performing and then our families taught what they knew in the world that wasn't safe.

Dora: 29:03

Para nosotras, the message be good often meant be safe from judgment, gossip, peligro. We honor the intention and also evolve the method. So just a a side spiritual note being humble is not being invisible. The OS universe source creator didn't place gifts in you to hide them. Humility is truth, not erasure. So some of those things that we grew up with and especially culturally, that we have in society, not only in the Mexican culture, but let's reframe some of those. Let's go from quote-unquote good girls don't make waves to good ancestors. Tell the truth from I don't want to disappoint to I won't abandon myself to avoid disappointing others. From quedar bien to quedar bien conmigo. From do good to I'm doing good for myself Now in your journal.

Dora: 30:13

I want you to I'm going to task you with this is write a compassionate letter to an elder. You don't have to send it okay, we don't have I mean postage and all that or emails and that type but just write it down. Write a letter to an elder that probably made you feel a certain way, but thank you and tell them thank you for teaching me, and fill in the blank. And I'm choosing that. I'm choosing blank now. So an example would be I would write a letter to mi abuelita, my grandma, and I would say thank you for teaching me to be strong and take shit from everybody and do whatever I need to do and worry about everybody. I'm choosing to worry and to be strong for myself now instead of for others. So take that example, make it yours Now.

Dora: 31:29

I do have like if you're listening to this episode real time. I do have a five-day challenge coming up on September 15th 2005 is the year this is being recorded but I do have a challenge for you, or a good girl detox plan of seven days and this is going to be fun If you're committed and let me know. Dm me at dpraxedes on Instagram, or you can find me on Facebook at Dora Alicia Praxedes, or you can email me at dora, at dora praxedescom, and, or you can send me a text or a message voice memo down below in the show notes. You can click on there and it goes directly to me. But are you ready for a micro rebellion week? So aquí está tu plan.

Dora: 32:15

Day one awareness audit Track. Every time you say yes, circle the ones that were actually a no, your affirmation to repeat. I'm allowed to pause before responding. So do that for day one. Day two one honest no. Use one boundary script from earlier in this episode text or say it Afterwards. Shake your hands, breathe and celebrate. Day three body care and a limpia. I task you with salt bath or a shower scrub, sweep the energy down and out and through the tubes and down the drain, and I want you to journal what am I ready to release. And before you go into that shower I mean into that bath, I usually shower set that intention of what you want to release.

Dora: 33:05

Day four self-advocacy. Ask for what you need Time, money, help, clarity. I want you to use the script To do my best I need, blank by blank. Day five visibility Post or share one truth publicly a boundary, win, a lesson, a desire, and, if you want, you can tag me at Tora Praxedes, at T Praxedes, on Instagram. An affirmation on day five you can repeat is it's safe to be seen.

Dora: 33:38

Day six rest and play. Do something impractical that delights your in your niña interior. Note how your nervous system responds like is there anything that you're being called to do as a practice, to like, maybe, breathe and to slow down, or is it to dance? Like do something fun, walk around, play, remember, play. Number.

Dora: 34:01

Day seven review and ritual what changed over these course of seven days? What surprised you? I would call you to and if and if you feel called to, close with a candle, a prayer of gratitude and your new commitment to yourself. So, once you're done with the seven days, you can DM me at dpraxedes, with detox done, when you complete it, and I will go ahead and be your biggest cheerleader and celebrate you because you've got this chingona, you've got this, and I will go ahead and be your biggest cheerleader and celebrate you because you've got this chingona, you've got this. So I thought I'd throw this in, anticipate objections with family or whoever that you're going through these motions with right, this good girl, deconditioning, detox and anything that might come up so often.

Dora: 34:56

Questions I get is what if my familia gets mad? Well, my answer to you is discomfort does not equal danger. You can love someone or you can love people and have limits. So I would suggest you use a script like I love you, I'm not available for blank, and repeat that once, then disengage. Another question I get is what if I freeze, like when I'm saying all this stuff, like what if I like, ooh, I like me paralizo right, like I can't say nothing, like the cat got my tongue or whatever? My answer to you is prep a default line. Let me check my schedule and get back to you. Like that should be like out of the pocket kind of thing. Right, buy time and text the boundary later. Another question I get is I said yes and I regret it. Now what? So? My answer to you is repair is power, so remediate.

Dora: 35:51

You can say something like I overcommitted, I need to step back. I can do blank or help you find someone else, so kind of you know you're working with them, you're flexible, but you're really stating like oh, shoot, I recommit. Like, oh, I overcommitted, I can't do it, don't feel bad about that. Like that is you taking responsibility, ownership that you are unable to fulfill that responsibility. The last question that we'll cover is how do I stop guilt?

Dora: 36:18

Ooh, and guilt is a big one, and I have an episode, previous episode, that you can go back for that. But my answer to you is guilt is a nervous system sensation, so your body will feel guilty, as like breathe, place your feet on the floor and name it Like talk to yourself. This is guilt, not guidance. And then, once you calm yourself down, a good little exercise I love to do is put your water, wash your hands with cold water for about sing the happy birthday song or something for 20 minutes in that, like really cold water, and that will definitely like control. Well, it will calm your nervous system down. Also, remember to breathe and just make sure you're like going through those motions before you go into that guilt again.

Dora: 37:07

Now, to close out, let's do a little energy cleanse hands over your heart. Inhale for four, exhale for six. Now repeat after me. I release the role of good girl. I enter the one who protected me. I choose truth, boundaries and joy. Embrace your raices, reclaim tu esencia. Now shake out your hands, brush down your arms and imagine this rose gold light sealing your field. It is done, and so it is, and so it is.

Dora: 38:09

If today landed for you, share this episode with a sister who's breaking free too, ready for deeper support, you can join me in my five-day challenge next week. Or you can definitely go to dorapraxedescom and kind of look around. But there is a place where you can sign up for the inner shift Da Dentro Pa Fuera. It's my 12-week journey for first-gen mujeres reclaiming their voz, energía y poder. So their voice, their energy and their power. And again, you can apply at DoraPraxedescom. Want a gentler start? You can grab my free Raiz Reset Checklist. It's my mini limpia for your schedule and soul. You could definitely look at that link in the bio in Instagram at Deep Praxedes Gracias por estar aquí, Eres hermosa. And until next time, embrace your raíces and reclaim your esencia. Bye-bye, thank you.