Feeling Behind in Life? This Is What Healing Actually Looks Like

What if your life isn’t late, but precisely on time? We open a tender conversation about the myth of “falling behind” and trace it back to unequal starting lines, survival roles, and nervous systems trained by urgency. Through stories of hustle culture, brain fog, and the rawness of chemo and hair loss, we explore how rest can feel like risk and why shame often masquerades as motivation. Instead of forcing productivity, we practice honoring signals from the body and building a kinder pace that can actually hold healing.

We talk about money, worth, and the long tail of early career setbacks, reframing wealth to include relationships, knowledge, and access to care. We use myth and imagery—the descent, the chrysalis—to name what transformation feels like when you’re shedding layer after layer. Progress doesn’t always look like more output; sometimes it looks like tears, naps, and saying no. That isn’t failure. That’s integration. The nervous system can learn ease, but it needs safety first.

You’ll leave with a grounding practice and an affirmation to carry into your week: I am not behind. I am becoming at the pace my body trusts. We also name the collective dimension of healing—how breaking silence and seeking support repair more than one life. If this conversation stirred something in you, stay close for a February offering designed to center safety, remembering, and intentional community. Subscribe, share with someone who needs the reminder, and leave a review to help more listeners find this space.

Transcript

You Are Not Behind

Dora 1:35

Ai Mijita, take a breath with me, and welcome back to I'm brace your raises, reclaim your essencia. And if this is your first time here, bienvenida or bienvenido, you didn't find this episode by accident. Today's conversation is one I've been holding gently in my heart. Because I know how many of you are walking around with this quiet ache. That whisper that says, I should be further by now. Everyone else seems ahead. Why does it seem or feel like I'm always catching up? So let me say this slowly, clearly, lovingly. You are not behind. You are healing. You are changing things at a cellular level in all realms. Inside a system that was never built to hold you. And that distinction changes everything. So don't be so hard on yourself, okay? We're gonna hold yourself tight. And if you want, you could just hug yourself right now. So date un abrazo, big hug, that squeeze. And just honor where you're at right now. And so grab your cup of tea, grab your water, grab your coffee if you do coffee, and let's dive into today's episode. Let's talk about where this idea even comes from, this like thing that we're behind. Because behind assumes there was a fair starting line. And for so many of us, like for my example, first gen daughter, woman of color, caretaker, cycle breaker, survivor, there was no starting line. There was just survival. There was translation. There was responsibility before rest. There was being emotionally grown before you were physically ready. So it's madurando antes del tiempo, like you're doing stuff way before it's time. There was learning how to read the room before learning how to read yourself. And I was doing that until I was late in my thirties, and I'm still trying to figure that out. Figure myself out. So when you compare your timeline to someone who was resourced, rested, supported, that comparison isn't neutral. It's violent. It's muy violento. Because it erases context. It erases grief. It erases how much energy it took just to stay alive. Healing takes time because it's undoing years of compression. Of you know, putting it under the rug, brushing it under the rug. Like it doesn't exist. And you're not late. You're unlearning. Unlearning so many things that we were conditioned to bear. Like for example, the media, your family, social societally, just going through the motions, work life, the hustle and the grind, like all these conditioning that we or all these things that we were taught that this was normal, that's your body. And for me, like I'm so used to the hustle and the grind. And for me, and my friend pointed it out to me this morning, was I'm my body and my normal is like go, go, go. That resting is sending my body in shock. Like, what the heck? I have to take a nap during the day. It's like, no, I if I don't, like, I feel tired. I'm I'm tired. I am tired. And that in and of itself is a statement. And honoring that for me, sometimes becomes a mind fuck because nine to five, you know, my work, work, I'm supposed to be producing. That's my norm. But right now, like my brain is a fog. I I'm not focused. My body, my bones, my mis huesitos, everything hurts. And I have to jump from one appointment to a next. And not and unfortunately, I've been working from home since COVID. But now it's like I actually have to travel to like this morning, I went to occupational therapy. And I actually have to get my butt ready and go in the car in the cold here in Chicago to get there. But this is all for my body and it's healing. Like literally, but then also mentally, I have to get over the fact that I have to produce and keep going and keep going and keep going. It's like, no, I I have to stop and rest. Because if not, I'm gonna definitely pay the consequences for that later on. But that doesn't take away from emotionally how I feel. Like before I would beat myself up and I would say, Oh no, no, cabana, you gotta get up again and you gotta do it again, and we gotta keep going. It's like no. Now I'm actually gentle with myself. So let's talk about shame. Because shame is sneaky. Okay? It disguises itself as motivation. And that's what I thought I had for the longest time. And I would hear myself saying, if I'm harder on myself, I'll finally get it together. But shame isn't a teacher. It's a signal. And usually it's saying, You were never mirrored. You were never protected. You were never taught how to go at your own pace. So of course your nervous system doesn't trust ease. Like, oh come on. And actually, ease is the word of my year of 2026. I want to do everything with ease. But my nervous system is definitely having an overload with that word because we're so used to the hustle. Let's go, let's go, let's go. And of course, slowing down feels scary. And of course, rest feels like risk. Like I should be doing more, I should be investing more time and energy and blah blah blah and all these things and all these projects that I got going on, which does make sense. But that doesn't mean you're broken when you can't keep up with your norm from before. It means your body learned urgency before safety. So the sense of urgency, the procrastination, like that was my safety. That's what my norm is, that's what my body remembers, and that's the trauma that I'm healing. And healing looks like teaching your nervous system something brand new that you don't have to rush to be worthy. And that's something I've been struggling a lot with so many years is my self-worth. And I was just talking to someone about just going back in the day and how the struggle of you know, feeling in myself, going to college, feeling losing his job like in 2008, 2007-ish, and graduating in 2009, getting paid, I got paid$35,000 per year. That's how much I started making when I graduated from DePaul University with four years under my belt of undergraduate school. And my degree was worth so much more than that going to a four-year college. Fortunately, I did get financial aid because of my financial situation. And it was so hard. Like I'm still paying off student loans and going, and it makes me question my worth. But all those investments in myself, like with time and energy, money, they've trajectory trajectorily, I know that I'm gonna make one more money, but I am very resourceful. And worth doesn't only tie with the monetary stuff, like the money part. It is also about building wealth. Wealth in the way of mind, knowledge, and how I love to read and figure stuff out on my own. That is investing in yourself, and that for for that I am worthy, and I'm worthy about all the relationships I've built over time. I'm worthy of having it all. And it was so funny because last year in 2025, my resolution was I wanted to be a millionaire, and definitely I became a millionaire in my body because between both surgeries and all the treatment I'm getting, it's well worth over a million dollars. And that's where the power of manifesting is real. But you have to be careful what you wish for, because sometimes we can't handle how it comes, or it comes in a way we didn't think it was gonna come. Like I wanted a million a million dollars in my bank account or my investments, not in my body. Pero you know, God knows more, way more what's convenient for us than what we know for ourselves. So I'll just let divine work its magic. Let me offer you a reframe when it comes to time. What if your life isn't late? What if it's precise? Like it's right on the dot where you need to be. What if the pause you're in right now, that confusion, the fatigue, the emotional molting is actually your system recalibrating at an energetic cellular level in your life. And healing is not linear. No, no, no, no, no. Taking the detours for sure from the highway. It spirals, it revisits like old stuff, it deepens like old wounds, like let's say from a year ago to yourself now, you could definitely see the big shifts. And sometimes progress looks like crying more. Like I've been crying a lot. Uh, one thing I'll share is my hair started falling out on Sunday night. And oh my goodness. I have, I mean, I knew it was coming, right? I knew that would be part of the chemo treatment. But week into week three, now this is my third round, and my hair, brushing my hair, and then in the shower was just coming out, coming out, coming out, and it never stopped. So I brushed my hair, and and yeah, it's every day now for the last few days, I've been getting more and more hair fallout, and I'm working and it just falls out. Um, more than normal. And so I I cried, and my husband, all he could do was just hold me, and I actually um went to go seek my 15-year-old, my son, Julian, because that kid knows what to say in a specific time, and I'm gonna get a little vulnerable here because, and I'm gonna get a little choked up because I never thought my kid would comfort his mom like that. And it's more of the it's not because of the hair, right? Like, well, I say that now, but it is because of the hair, but it triggered something in me where all these things you read up on, or all these things that you get told, like the losing the hair, I'll lose my eyebrows, my lashes, um, it actually becomes real. Like it's happening. We're we're crossing the bridge now, and that's something I didn't want to admit is this process. I feel like there's a story of Yana, it's a goddess, and she ends up going into the underworld, and and it's because her she tries to save her sister. And I feel like I am a Yana going down to the underworld, but for every layer, it was seven layers, um, she would lose something. So to the point where she went down there and she was naked, like she had nothing, no crown, no luxury, no nothing. It was just her. And her sister ends up turning her into a rock. And the only way to reverse the spell, obviously, is for the sister to you know undo it. Um, but I feel like I'm going through those motions, like Yana. And I know there's a lot of stuff happening astrologically, and in mid-February, we're actually gonna go through eclipse season. And there's a lot of shifts happening for me right now, literally, in my body. But that's where this recalibration is definitely happening for whatever's coming up next in my life. I don't know what that is, but I know I feel like, and I've always felt like these past three years that I've been in this chrysalis, like like the butterfly, where the caterpillar goes in, the chrysalis, right? And then once you're born, like that's where the transformation's happening is in this chrysalis. And this is, and I've heard it from my peers, that for me specifically, I know this is my year of transformation. This is where I'm gonna come out from the from the gates of this chrysalis, and I'm gonna fly like a butterfly. And I know there's been so many people around me witnessing that happening, but this is part of that process. It's like I feel like I'm like that mariposa, that's a butterfly that's that's that's molding, that's changing and morphing into this new version. And this chemo, by no means is it simple or easy, but that's the process. And so it's feeling slower, like this process and this progress is slowing down, is really honoring what's coming up for me right now, and it also is questioning everything, right? Like, am I doing this right? I get anxiety now the night before of my chemo treatments on a Friday because it's like, is my hair gonna fall out? Am I gonna lose my appetite? Like, I really like my chicken alfredo, you know, all those things. And the other thing that I've been struggling with is resting without producing. So it's taking that nap during the day, but without throwing off my sleep. So it's a little, it's a balancing act, let's just say, with priorities. And in a productivity-obsessed world, that gets mislabeled as being stuck. Like, I for so many years, like I remember when I saw my life coach for the first time, I felt stuck, and that's why I I didn't know how to navigate this world anymore, the way that I've learned it, or the way that I was doing it. I would just go to work, do my stuff, go work out, that was it. And send to the family. But in healing language, that's integration when you're going through these most emotions and this process, so you're not falling behind. You're actually coming home to yourself. You're getting in touch with yourself, you're awakening, you're not numb anymore. You're finally touching and hitting nerves that were it's like a pool, right? With like leaves and like debris at the bottom, like all that stuff, you're stirring the pool, or you're stirring the pot there, and it's all coming to float. It's stuff that we need to work through, and it's stuff that we need to strain out of that water, like trying to get it out from that pool. And it's honoring all these things that are what you call home, right? It's like decluttering what's going on in there emotionally, physically, mentally, in all respects, even spiritually. Here's the part I really want you to hear. Your healing is not just personal, it's collective. You are doing what generations before you couldn't. Not because they failed, but because they were surviving something different and in different times. You're not weak for needing support. That's where seek out the professional support if need be. You're brave for not continuing the pattern of silence. Because you can either, I'm a strong believer, you can either do one or two things. You can say something, or you can just be silent. You're making a decision either way. And right now, so many women, so many people are waking up to this truth at the same time. That's not a coincidence. That's collective remembering something is shifting and it's happening slowly, intentionally, with reverence. You don't need to rush it. You just need to honor it. So I want you to pause with me for a sec. And obviously, if you're not operating heavy machinery, or you can go ahead and engage in this practice. And I want you to offer I want to offer you a moment. So pla place a hand on your chest and repeat after me, out loud or silently. I am not behind. I am becoming at the pace my body trusts. So I want you to notice what softens. You can take a deep breath in. Inhale. And notice what resists. You can take a deep breath in and exhale anything that resists. Both are welcome. If this episode stirred something in you, if you feel seen, cracked open, or quietly relieved, know this. You don't have to do this alone. I hold space through one on one support for women who are ready to heal without pressure, without bypassing, and without rushing their nervous system. And I'll say this gently something bigger is coming in February. Something collective, something intentional. Something rooted in safety and remembering. So no details yet. Just an invitation to stay close. Thank you for being here. Thank you for honoring your pace. Thank you for choosing healing, even when the world tells you to hurry. Until next time, Mijita. Embrace your raises. Reclaim your essencia. Talk to you till next time. Bye. And sending you so much love.