Why Am I Waiting for Things to Fall Apart?

Everything seems fine… but there’s this quiet feeling in the back of your mind that something is about to go wrong. Like the other shoe is about to drop.

In this episode, we’re talking about the struggle of finally experiencing calm, but not fully trusting it. When you’re used to being on edge or preparing for the worst, peace can feel unfamiliar or even uncomfortable.

How do we learn to sit in the calm without expecting it to disappear? If you’ve ever felt this way, this conversation is for you.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Hi there. I'm your host, Corinne, and this is Okay, but Are You Good? Where we check in on ourselves on a weekly basis to see how we're doing. Are we living our best lives or are we just trying to get by? I say this week has been challenging. My anxiety has been horrible. And then after a couple days, it just like disappeared. I don't really know why, but I will take it. And things have been good otherwise. Like I'm always gonna be overthinking. It's just my brain. But it's like things are so good that I'm just like waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like I can't live in this like content, everything's good. I'm like, this is a real life, right? And I'm just waiting for something for things to fall apart, even though everything's fine. And I don't want to live my life like that. I want to enjoy it, take the peace, take things when life is calm. But if you're like me and you've had these moments, you're not alone. So let me paint a picture of what this looks like for me at least. It's everything's going good, but in the back of your mind, you're like just waiting. You're waiting for like bad news to break. You're thinking too much into conversations, overthinking small things, just like you, you're like on edge essentially. And I think for me, I can't enjoy just when things are going smoothly because I feel like a lot of the time in my life it wasn't always smooth. I'm just used to living in chaos. My brain is chaotic, my thoughts are. So that's why when things are chill, it's like nah, something's wrong. Like, this is too good to be true. And I don't trust it because my body, my mind is so used to being in fight or flight. I'm used to being stressed out or being in chaotic situations and having a busy routine. I'm used to always having to get up and go do something. So on the days that I don't, in the times, weeks, whatever, that there it's very chill, it's so weird. But I want to change that. I don't want to just always be on edge, always chaotic. And I've mentioned so many times, I don't like being this busy. I like a balance of like having stuff to do, things to look forward to, and being able to just relax at home with a clean house and just reading my book or whatever, just like mindless activity. So I'm trying to break that cycle and of like just waiting for the other shoe to drop because that's not how I want to live my life. And you shouldn't have to either. We should be able to like be chill, enjoy it, and you know, when stuff bad stuff comes up or just stuff that we have to doll and deal with, then we deal with it. I think a lot of the stems from last year was so chaotic, like just so much out of my control. And just I think I was completely stressed out all of last year. It was a really, really bad year. So I think this year it's lighter, not as heavy. There's still stuff that's come up, but I've been so focused on myself and my growth. So I think this is one thing I gotta grow on uh work on is just enjoying life as simple as it can be, of like no responsibilities some days and no drama, no like crazy stuff coming up, just like working on myself, doing what I gotta do during the week and enjoying my weekends and just live a simple-ish life. But that's easier said than done. And my brain doesn't automatically work like that. I'm gonna overthink things. I think that's why this past week there was a few days it was so bad because I'm about to fall asleep and like I'm overthinking conversations, overthinking this and that. And then I wake up in the morning, everything's fine. I don't, I haven't figured out the science behind that yet. But maybe it's just because like it's at the end of the day, and finally I'm able to like just chill out and I, you know, I'm about to go to sleep. So my brain's replaying whatever conversations. Sure, I'm not alone in that. But I think like this journey of like working on enjoying the calm also comes with like not it, it also comes with working on my anxiety and overthinking and like worrying about stuff that doesn't need to have a second thought on. Um, it's just something that I have to continue to work on and hope that it gets better. You know, that's all I can do is continue to work myself, focus on what I gotta do, and like enjoy life when things are cool, calm, collected. Because it starts with you. You're the one that can break this pattern of going into the dark side, going into assuming the worst, creating problems that don't need to be created in your own head, you know, like, oh, because everything's good and calm right now, like I just have to create some drama, create some like own issues that don't need to be there. Like, what's the point of that? It's you're just stressing yourself out when you don't need to be worrying about things that don't need to be worried about because it's important to live in the moment and not worry about what's to come. And that's something that's really hard for me. I can't just enjoy the moment. You know, I this I think for the past couple of weeks, like I have been worrying about stuff that doesn't need to be worried about. And like I just keep telling myself like it's all gonna work itself out and it's on its way. Just change is hard. I don't like new things, but I always remind myself it always works out. In a month, I'm not gonna worry about this. In a couple months, all this that was really challenging is gonna be easy. So that's that's what I'm gonna be working on is just like not searching for things that need to be problems, not creating them in my head, and telling myself nothing being wrong is good, and that's okay, and to enjoy being in the moment, enjoy the calm. So if you feel like you've been waiting for something to happen to go wrong, you've probably just been living in survival mode and learning how to be okay, be feel safe, relax. It takes time, it takes time to get to this moment, and I'm working on it so you're not alone, and we'll we'll figure it out. It's just one day at a time that we'll be able to be calm in or be relaxed in the calm and not waiting on edge for something to happen. Because not every quiet moment is right before the storm. It could just be calm, you know, no waves today, no waves for weeks, months, whatever. And just sit in it, just sit in it, enjoy it, and relax and not be on edge preparing for the worst. Because we don't need to be preparing for something that isn't happening. That's that's the real thing. Don't don't be preparing for something that hasn't happened or isn't happening, just live in the moment. I'm gonna work on it, so I think you should too if you also struggle with this. And I will catch you all next week. Don't forget to ask yourself, okay, but are you good? And make sure to like and subscribe, and I'll see ya.