She Ignites
This is where power gets raw, healing gets hot, and rebellion becomes ritual. Hosted by Kari Lowe, She Ignites is your weekly dose of fire-starter truth, bold stories, and permission to break every rule that kept you small.
Light the damn match.
It’s time to burn, not behave.
She Ignites
Unlearning Pretty
What happens when “be pretty” becomes the unspoken rule shaping your choices, your voice, and your dreams? We pull back the curtain on how prettiness gets coded as compliance - be quiet, be neat, be easy and show how that script steals presence, power, and authenticity. From the childhood compliment that felt warm and confusing at the same time to the adult habits of apology, downplaying wins, and smoothing edges, we trace how approval can become a cage and why your edges are exactly where your strength lives.
We walk through the real costs of performing pretty: the opinions swallowed to stay likable, the ambitions traded for acceptance, and the burnout of curating yourself to be digestible. Then we pivot to the antidote: redefining beauty as truth. You’ll get clear prompts to spot where you’re still performing, language shifts that align your inside with your outside, and a practical way to measure progress so that confidence is no longer a costume but a current you carry into every room.
You’ll also learn how to practice ugly bravery, posting the unfiltered version, sharing the inconvenient thought, and owning the “too much” that makes you unforgettable. We guide you through the Mirror Rebellion ritual to rewire self-talk and close with a seven-day Pretty Detox Challenge that turns insight into action: identify, replace, wear your power, speak unpolished, say no without apologies, celebrate non-physical traits, and reflect on the shift. Stop chasing pretty like it’s the prize. Choose presence that crackles, power that radiates, and a voice that refuses to shrink.
If this lit a spark, subscribe, leave a spicy review, and tag us at She Ignites Candle Co. so we can hype you up. Your fire is welcome here - bring it, share it, and invite a friend who needs the reminder that she was never meant to be palatable.
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email: kari@girluncovered.com
Post-production editing by SoulFlow Studios - https://soulflowstudios.com/
Welcome to She Ignites, the podcast where we burn the rule book, ditch the shoulds, and light up the lives we were meant to lead. I'm your host, Carrie Lowe, candlemaker, confidence dealer, and your favorite fire starter. Around here, we speak boldly, dream wildly, and show up messy and magical. If you're done playing small and ready to own your own spark, you're in the right damn place. Now let's get lit. Welcome back, Firestarters, to She Ignites, the place where we torch the lies we've been fed and build something fierce from the ashes. Today we're talking about unlearning pretty. Because let's be real. Women have been told since birth that our ultimate assignment is to be pretty. Pretty faces, pretty words, pretty behavior, pretty, palatable. But pretty is a performance, and sometimes the cost of staying pretty is losing our power. By the end of this episode, you'll know how to spot where pretty is still running your life, how to unlearn it, and how to step into something so much bigger. Real, unapologetic presence. So let's talk about the compliments that cut us down. I have no doubt that every woman listening to this has experienced this situation in real time in their life. So think back to a time when you were at a family gathering, at a school function, or some type of public activity where someone leans down and whispers to you, you're such a pretty little thing. Stay that way and boys will love you. At the time you smile because that's what you're supposed to do when you're given a compliment. But inside you feel this weird mix of pride followed by panic. Like, okay, so my job is to stay pretty because otherwise love will evaporate? That seed gets watered for years and years. Every time we're praised for looking nice, but not for speaking our minds. Every time the she's so cute comes before she's so smart. Every time we hold back in class so that we don't look too aggressive. Let me tell you, unlearning pretty has been harder than any exam I've ever taken, but it's been the most liberating class of my life. So here's the truth: pretty is not neutral. Pretty is code for compliance. When people say be pretty, what they really mean is don't be loud, don't be messy, don't be angry, don't be inconvenient, and above all else, make sure you look presentable every time you leave your house. Pretty tells us to be digestible, to smooth our edges so no one cuts their tongue on our truth. But edges are where the power lives. So let's talk about the hidden costs of performing pretty. Silenced voices. We swallow opinions because we're afraid of being unlikable. Shrunken dreams, we chase approval instead of ambition, because ambition, that isn't pretty. Exhaustion. Constantly performing is a full-time job with zero paycheck. So the savage reality, chasing pretty, robs you of presence, power, and authenticity. And none of those things can coexist with cages. So let's spot the pretty programming. Ask yourself, where am I still performing pretty? Do I apologize for how I look without makeup? Do I downplay achievements to seem relatable? Do I soften my opinions so I won't be called intense? Write them down because awareness is step one, because you can't burn what you won't name. Redefine what beautiful means. The antidote to pretty isn't neglect, it's authenticity. So instead of asking, do I look pretty, ask yourself, do I look like me? Instead of asking, was I polite? Ask, was I real? Beauty rooted in truth outshes beauty rooted in compliance every day of the week. So now we're going to practice ugly bravery. If you want to unlearn pretty, you have to build tolerance for being seen as ugly in other people's eyes. So that means posting the unfiltered video, saying the thing that might make people uncomfortable, walking into a room with your full fire, even if it gets you labeled as too much. Pretty keeps you palatable. Ugly bravery makes you powerful. So let's talk about a little ritual here. I like to call the mirror rebellion. So stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eyes, and say out loud, I am not here to be pretty. I am here to be powerful. My edges are not flaws, they are fire. Take a deep breath and imagine every old compliment about being cute, sweet, pretty falling off your shoulders like ash. Now we're going to talk about a seven-day pretty detox challenge. Day one, identify one place you're still performing pretty and write it down. On day two, replace one pretty behavior with an authentic one. On day three, wear or do something that feels powerful instead of pretty. Day four, share an unpolished thought or post publicly. Day five, say no without crushing it in apologies. Day six, compliment yourself on a trait that isn't physical. And I like to encourage you to also do that to other women. When you see them in public, compliment them on something that does not have to do with beauty. On day seven, journal how you felt choosing power over pretty all week. So here's the truth. Pretty is a performance, power is a presence. So this week, stop chasing pretty like it's the prize. Start practicing ugly bravery, sharp edges, and raw truth. Because you weren't born to be digestible. You were born to set the room on fire. And trust me, the world, it doesn't need more pretty. It needs more you. Well that's it for today, babe. But your fire is just getting started. If you're feeling lit up, go ahead and hit subscribe, leave a spicy little review, and tag me at SheIgnites Candle Co. so I can hype you up. Remember, the world doesn't need a quieter version of you. It needs the bold, blazing, fully expressed you. Until next time, keep glowing, keep going, and never, ever dim your damn light.