Dear Expectations, It’s Not Me, It’s You

Someone somewhere decided who you were “supposed” to be and you might have been playing that part for years. The responsible one. The reliable one. The woman who keeps it together so everyone else can relax. We’re done with that script. We’re talking about breaking up with expectations the kind that sound like praise but slowly drain your confidence, your energy, and your sense of self. 

I walk through why expectations hit so hard, how approval can keep us onstage long after we’ve outgrown the role, and what it actually costs to keep performing. We name the real symptoms: exhaustion from living a double life, resentment from not being seen, and stagnation from staying safe instead of growing. If you’ve been shrinking to avoid disappointing people, this conversation is your permission slip to tell the truth and choose yourself. 

You’ll leave with practical tools for setting boundaries and reclaiming your identity, including how to spot the scripts behind your decisions, how to refuse the role the next time someone tries to hand it back to you, and a guided “Dear Expectations” breakup letter you can write and release. I also share journal prompts to help you figure out what freedom from their script looks like in your daily life, not just in your head. 

If this lights something up in you, subscribe, share this with a friend who’s carrying too much, and leave a review so more women can find She Ignites. What expectation are you ready to break up with first?

Did you know She Ignites has a playlist filled with all the Hype songs of our guests?  Find it here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2NZUkiMFR6BvXfA7dzVakh?si=qM0cmFU8SXO-lSEYX1Js3Q

Want to be a guest? Fill out this form: https://forms.gle/k4E2VLQAJwk2YaKq5

www.sheignitescandleco.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sheignitescandleco/

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thekarilowe

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/share/1MLVk3uvJp/

email: kari@sheignitescandleco.com

Post-production editing by SoulFlow Studios -  https://soulflowstudios.com/

Transcript

Welcome To She Ignites

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Welcome to She Ignites, the podcast where we burn the rule book, ditch the shoulds, and light up the lives we were meant to lead. I'm your host, Carrie Lowe, candlemaker, confidence dealer, and your favorite fire starter. Around here, we speak boldly, dream wildly, and show up messy and magical. If you're done playing small and ready to own your own spark, you're in the right damn place. Now let's get lit. Welcome back, Firestarters, to She Ignites, the space where women stop being cast in other people's plays and start setting the damn stage on fire themselves.

Why Expectations Feel Like Cages

SPEAKER_00 0:58

In today's episode, we are talking about breaking up with expectations. And let me tell you, expectations, they are like toxic exes. They promise you stability, they flatter you with good girl approval, but underneath, they're draining the life out of you. By the end of this episode, I hope that you'll see expectations for what they really are: cages dressed up as compliments, and you'll know exactly how to break up with them. Messy, unapologetic, and free.

The Hidden Cost Of Staying Small

SPEAKER_00 1:34

So there was a time when everyone around me thought that they knew exactly who I was supposed to be. The responsible one, the reliable one, the one who never rocked the boat. They put me into this box of what I was supposed to be doing. But you know what? I didn't audition for that role, but I played it. Because when people clap for you, it's hard to walk off stage. Except I came to hate that script. And one day I realized I had been cast in a story that wasn't mine. And the only way out was to break up with their expectations. Not gently, not with a sweet note, but with fire. This took me a long time to get to this point. But now, when someone approaches me wanting me to play that role again, I simply say, no, this is not for me anymore. So why are expectations so heavy? They sound like we're so proud of how responsible you are. You are the one that we can always count on. You'd never do something like that, right? At first it feels flattering, but over time it's suffocating. Because what they really mean is stay in the role we wrote for you, don't change, don't surprise us, don't grow beyond what makes us comfortable. So what is the cost of carrying these expectations? Carrying expectations that you didn't choose leads you to exhaustion, because truly you're living a double life. Resentment, because no one is seeing the real you. And stagnation? Because you're stuck in the role, not evolving in your own story. Expectations don't just weigh you down, they burn your fire out from the inside, and you spend a lot of wasted time losing yourself.

Spot The Scripts And Refuse Roles

SPEAKER_00 3:45

So how do we break up with these expectations? The first step is to spot the scripts. Ask yourself whose voice am I hearing when I make decisions? A parent, a partner, a boss, a friend, a leader, a peer, an old version of myself? Write it down. Naming the script is how you start shredding it. Step number two is to refuse the role. The next time someone says to you, you're always the one who. Those are expectations that fuel, not cage.

Write The Breakup Letter

SPEAKER_00 5:18

So now we are going to write a breakup letter. I want you to grab a piece of paper right at the top. Dear expectations. Now write a breakup letter to tell them what they once gave you, how they started suffocating you, and why you're done. You can write a letter for every single expectation that you have been cast in. Or you can put them all in the same one, whatever works best for you. But you can end this letter with I am choosing me. I am choosing fire. This relationship is over. Rip it up, burn it safely if you can. Let the ashes be proof that you're free.

Journal Prompts For Real Freedom

SPEAKER_00 6:11

You want to take this a step further? Let me give you some journal prompts. Because you all know that I love reflection. So number one, whose expectations still live in my head rent-free? Two, what role have I been performing that I never chose? What would I do differently if I wasn't afraid of disappointing them? Four, what expectations do I want to carry for myself instead? 5. What does freedom from their script look like in my daily life? And dig deep on this one, ladies, because this can be powerful. So here's the truth. You don't owe anyone the version of you that they invented. So this week I want you to break up with their expectations, write the letter, say the no, refuse the role, because your life isn't a play they get

The Truth And This Week’s Challenge

SPEAKER_00 7:17

to direct. It's a fire you get to ignite. And trust me on this, the only expectation worth keeping is the one that says, I will not dim my fire for anyone. Until next time, break those expectations.

Subscribe Review And Tag Me

SPEAKER_00 7:39

Well, that's it for today, babe. But your fire is just getting started. If you're feeling lit up, go ahead and hit subscribe, leave a spicy little review, and tag me at SheIgnites Candle Co. So I can hype you up. Remember, the world doesn't need a quieter version of you. It needs the bold, blazing, fully expressed you. Until next time, keep glowing, keep going, and never, ever dim your damn light.