EP 13: Stepping Out Of Your Comfort Zone

Be honest… are you actually living, or are you just staying where it feels safe?

In this episode, I’m calling you forward — because your comfort zone might be the exact reason life feels a little… beige.

We dive into why your nervous system craves safety, why success can actually feel threatening, and how staying in the “middle space” is quietly holding you back from the life you know you want.

This is your reminder that growth doesn’t happen in comfort… it happens at the edge or completely out of the zone.

Inside this episode:
 • why your comfort zone feels safe (and why it’s also limiting you)
 • how your nervous system responds to growth and change
 • the real reason people are scared of success
 • how to start expanding your capacity without overwhelming yourself
 • practical ways to lean into your edge (without forcing it)
 • the power of building self-trust through small, brave actions
 • a simple tool to help you move through fear in real time

If life has been feeling repetitive, stagnant, or “fine”… this is your nudge.

Because the version of you who has the life you want?
 She didn’t stay comfortable.

She chose growth.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

What is up guys? Welcome back to another episode of the Lvolve podcast where we have interesting and insightful conversations. Today's topic is one that I'm super excited to riff on a little bit. So I want to talk about the comfort zone. The comfort zone. Put your hand up if you feel like maybe you've played it a little bit safe in the comfort zone before. Yeah, my hand's up. I've definitely, I've definitely done that. And I think it's human nature to want to stay where's comfortable and where we belong and where is safe, right? It also is a nervous system thing as well. And this is part of the reason why people are actually afraid of success. People are scared of success because if they leave their comfort zone, if they leave what is known, what is safe, then will they belong? What does that mean? You know, what what does it what does it mean for them and their life and their relationships and their habits and everything? What does that mean for them if you're successful? If you step out of the comfort zone, if you step out of what's safe and move towards what you actually want, what you actually want to achieve, success. Now, success is different for everybody, right? We're all going to have a different picture of success. For one person, success might be having a multi-million dollar business and you know, jet setting across the world in their private jet and having all of these, you know, fancy things. And for someone else, success might be having a veggie garden and some chalks. That's definitely like on my list of what I want and what I see to be successful and like the very next thing for me when I move back to Australia. And also it'd be mint to have a multi-million dollar business as well. Like that would be cool. And I know that it's a lot of bloody work to achieve something like that, and I don't know if I want to do that. Anyway, we'll see, watch this space, right? So the comfort zone. Could could you existing and choosing to stay in your comfort zone perhaps be the reason why life feels a little bit mediocre and just okay? Like, could that be the reason that life feels a little bit beige? Because maybe you're just existing in this middle space where there's not much exciting happening. There's not much that gets the blood pumping, that gets the adrenaline going. Even not adrenaline in the sense like you're about to jump out of an airplane. Maybe like adrenaline or like anticipation in the sense that you're meeting an edge. Yeah, you're reaching the edge of the comfort zone. You're like, oh my gosh, like this feels big because it feels unfamiliar. So that could literally be like you signing up for a stand-up comedy show and like talking in front of people, for example. It could, it could be something even more simple. It could be like you making the first move when you see someone that you're attracted to. It could mean having a tough conversation with someone in your family or like your partner or something. Yeah. Like if we're just existing in this middle kind of this middle space, let's call it the middle space. If you're just existing in the middle space, how exciting is that? It doesn't seem to be a lot of stimulation in the middle space, right? And while the comfort zone is, of course, cozy and safe and comfortable, it gets a bit boring after a while. Right? And so I guess the invitation already, and maybe you're already doing it, is reflect a little bit. Reflect a little bit on your life and the choices that you've made. Reflect a little bit on how you actually feel in your life right now. And ask yourself the question, like, fuck, have I been playing it safe? Have I been existing in the middle space? Am I just fucking chilling in my comfort zone? And is that the reason why life isn't that exciting? Is that the reason why life isn't very stimulating? Is that the reason why every day feels the fucking same? Because I'm just in the middle zone. Right? So, how can we step out of the comfort zone? Because I do get it. Like, you know, the comfort zone, we want to stay there. I mean, part of us wants to stay there, our ego wants us to stay there, yeah, because it is safe. Our nervous system kind of wants us to stay there because it's safe. And as soon as we start pressing against the edges, we almost go into this, what's gonna happen? A little bit of hypervigilance, a little bit of activated state, right? The parasympathetic system begins to come online. Parasympathetic? Wait. Oh, I'm having a brain. Parasympathetic. Sympath. No, sympathetic state. Sympathetic state is when you're feeling activated. Sorry guys, I just needed to check my my um my brain archives for that piece of information. Thank you, brain, for taking me there. Appreciate you. You're the best as always. So, hmm. How can we step out of the nervous? How can we step out of the nervous? My brain's just recalibrating after that um extensive use of energy. How can we step out of the comfort zone? Like, how can we do that in a way that's not gonna put your nervous system into a state of freeze or shutdown? Like, how can you begin to create a relationship with the edge? Right? So picture the comfort zone as this square box, right? And for a while, maybe you've been in the middle space of that square box, you've been right in the middle of it. Nice and cozy, kind of boring, just cruising, no matches going on, it's just the same shit, different day, really. Yeah. And it's comfortable. And it's like, yeah, cool. This is this is alright. What would happen if you started to move a little bit to the edge of that box? Yeah. Well what would happen if you touched the edge of that box and you started to kind of push against it? This is growth, by the way. Like what we're talking about is growth and personal evolution. Yeah, this is expansion and contraction. This is how we grow as individuals. We need to lean into the edges, we need to lean into the parts that feel a bit sticky. So let's think about it. Uh, let's give like a simple, let's play with something simple. So think about your life, think about the routine that you've got going on, think about the things that you do, and maybe you've been doing just the same thing for a while, yeah? Hanging out with the same kind of people, doing the same kind of things on the weekend, the same thing in the morning, the same thing in the evening. You've got a routine, right? How could you switch up that routine a little bit to bring up, to create a little bit of spice? Yeah, to lean into the edge a little bit. So, like, you could literally do this by trying out a new workout class. You could do this by joining a run club, you could do this by thinking about a hobby, something that you've always wanted to do, but have never done, because it's a little bit out of your comfort zone, and just doing it. So, for example, when I was living in the Gold Coast, I think this was the year I turned 30. Yeah. The year I turned 30, I was like, hmm, I want to learn some new things. I'm gonna learn the hand pen. So I bought myself a hand pen for my birthday. I started learning the hand pen. That was cool. That wasn't really outside of my comfort zone, though. What was, and I knew that this was a growth opportunity for me as well because I've been working on myself a lot over the last few years, like a lot, a lot. And at this particular point in time, I was working on leaning more into feminine energy, yeah, and practicing how I can allow the masculine to lead. And so I was like, hmm, what's something practical that I could do in life? Dance lessons, dance lessons, specifically bachata. Now, this is like a sensual Latin dance, and yeah, that was a bit out of my comfort zone, right? So there was me leaning a little bit into the edge there of my box, and I fucking loved it. It certainly wasn't like amazing starting out, like I was absolute fresh beginner, and I just showed up, I gave it a go, and I kept going back. And then suddenly that edge didn't feel like an edge anymore. I expanded, my box got bigger, right? That's what happens. So what could you do? Maybe your brain's already firing a few ideas at you of what you could do. What could you do? And let these let these things be evidence, yeah? It's like you're training yourself, you're training yourself to become comfortable outside or on the very edge of your comfort zone. So as you start to build trust and build more comfortability by flexing that muscle, and the muscle is leaning into the edge, right? Pushing against it, doing the thing that feels a bit sticky and a bit, yeah. As you strengthen that muscle, you build more self-trust with yourself. And then you become, I guess, more courageous or more confident in yourself to take bigger steps or bigger leaps, yeah. Like I get a lot of people like absolutely blown away that I just up and move to Costa Rica at 30, 31. And I get it, and that was a huge edge for me, right? And I have a whole 10 years at least of me doing things that are a little, or maybe even a lot, out of the box, right? Like instead of going straight into the next uh what's it called? Tertiary. Gosh, that's a different lifetime now, trying to think of the terminology around university and study and that kind of thing. So, like, you know, I started off as a nurse and I always wanted to be a midwife. I got into the transition to professional practice program, thought that that's what I always wanted to do, and when I got it, I was like, hmm, it doesn't feel as exciting or incredible as I thought it would. And it was something that I worked towards for like five years. Weird. Okay, is this the right choice for me? And as I pondered on that, I was like, you know what? I can always come back to it. I'm gonna do some travel. Right? So I parked it. I tempor I put a little temporary hold on it because that's what felt safe at the time, and that was cool. And then I went on this crazy Europe trip with my sister, and that was lit. That was so fun. And what happened before the Europe trip? This was an edge. This was stepping out of the comfort zone. This is when I did the bachelor. Right? And for me, I was kind of like, do you know what? Fuck it. It's gonna be a cool story. It'll be fun life experience. Like, I do want to look back on my life and have moments where I'm like, wow, I did that, wow, I did that, wow, I did that. Like, I do desire to look back and see that there's these almost like a highlight's reel. It's like, wow, that was that point of the timeline, that was that point of the timeline, that was that point of the time. Wow, I did some interesting things. Yeah. I don't want to look back and be like, what did I even do in my life? Did I just exist in the middle space the whole time and not actually do anything that stands out that was memorable or big for me? So yeah. So I did the show. And I kind of showed up, well, continued to show up on social media. I was always kind of just like active and alive on social media, even bought before the show. Um, not necessarily in like an influencer-y kind of way. I don't even remember influencing being that big back then. Uh I was just sharing stuff, sharing life. And so I continued to do that after the show. And with so many eyes on me, with the media running bullshit and like drama that was created from various things, like that was also an edge. That also expanded me, that also increased my comfort zone. It's like my box was getting bigger and bigger, which is great. It's almost like these things that we do, it's like we're taking little leaps, little leaps of faith. Yeah. And maybe you're just leaping over the edge a little bit. Yeah, the edge of the comfort zone. Maybe just and it doesn't have to be a huge leap. You don't have to leap too far at the start. Yeah. That's why I'm offering you ideas of how you can subtly lean against it. Yeah. Do the new gym class, go do a dance lesson, maybe take an art class. Um, go up to the guy and say, hey, like there's so many different things that you can do. Post something on social media. That's a great one. Post something real on fucking social media. That can be big. Like when I shared with the world that I had herpes. That was big. That was a big edge for me. And I did a lot of inner work in the lead up, which um was definitely helpful. And it was still a big, it was still a big leap. So I've done a lot of different things in my life where I've leaned into the edge or I've leaped over it. So when the Costa Rica move came up, when I sat in the classroom at Rhythmia here in Costa Rica at the start of last year, January last year, hadn't even touched any of the plant medicine yet. That was later the next day. Just sitting in the class, hanging out. And then suddenly I just start getting all these like little messages, like little insights, like downloading into my brain. I'm like, hmm, okay, I'm just like writing them down, like interesting. I'm like, is this a download? Is this what they is this what the spiritual people call a download? Fuck, I'm having one. Yeah. And the download said, You're gonna be living here. And I was like, no, I'm fucking not. It was like, yeah, you are, sorry. Ha ha. And I'm just like, oh shit. Shit, shit, shit. That was not on my 2025 bingo card. And it didn't feel good at first. And I actually have had like that little voice or those downloads before. Like honestly, as I began doing inner work, it kind of came online for me. And so I have followed that little voice, I guess we call it. It just sounds like my own voice, really. I have followed those invitations before, and it's always worked out. It's always, always, always worked out. So I just knew deep inside me that it was like, shit, I've actually got to move to Costa Rica. It's already done. And I was like, ah, frig. So that was a huge, that was a huge edge for me. That was a gigantic bloody leap of faith. That was a big one. That was a big leap. And because I'd kind of primed myself throughout my life by leaning into the sticky spots and um, I guess developing a relationship with that process that when it came to take a big leap, like moving my life to the other side of the world, leaving my family, leaving my dog, bringing my business across here, not knowing how that was gonna go, not knowing if I was gonna be able to afford it because it's US dollars, um, just a lot of not knowing in that leap, because I developed a relationship with that process, it helped. It certainly helped. So if you're in a situation in your life where you're looking on, you're looking on to someone else and you're seeing the things that they've done with their life and you're like, I could never, how do you know that? Maybe with where you're at right now, it doesn't seem like it's a possibility. And I promise you, as you continue to journey down this beautiful path of personal development and growth, one day that might be a possibility for you. Yeah. As you continue to expand your box, yeah, your comfort zone, that actually may become a possibility for you. And it's okay if you're not there now, you don't have to be. You're exactly where you're meant to be in this journey. And I wonder what would happen for you in terms of self-discovery, in terms of experiences, in terms of new insights, and just learning in general. I wonder what would happen for you if you started to expand your box. So first, you actually just have to notice when you feel a contraction away from something. You have to go into an observer mode and start to notice how your body responds in different situations. It's like, am I comfortable here? Or is there a bit of a oh, I can't do that? No way. Yeah. And it could be like it could be something like you're at the gym and there's a girl wearing like this fucking hot outfit, and you're like, oh, I couldn't wear that. I've always got to wear baggy t-shirts. That could be your edge to lean into, being like, fuck it, I'm wearing the crop top. That could be the thing. So start to notice as you're out and you're living life. Notice where you pull back from something. And that's actually the thing you need to lean into. That's where the growth is. One of my clients, she shared in our group, she was like, Oh my gosh, girls, I've just signed up for this primal expression breath work workshop. As soon as I saw it online, I thought, oh, that sounds horrible. So I knew I had to do it. And she signed up and she did it. And if you're listening to this, Nick, I love that you did that. And I use that example all the time when I invite people to actually start to expand the box that they're in. I love it. That's the big clue. So when I was at the a music festival recently, I went and I treated it like a personal development experience, kind of what we're speaking about now. I was observing the whole time, and I was. Noticing where I was contracting or judging or pulling away or anything that didn't feel open and comfortable and expansive and receiving and accepting and allowing anything that was kind of opposite to that, where I was like, uh oh, that's what I leaned into. So you get this. I set this intention right. I set this intention before my ecstatic dance. And to be honest, this was an overarching attention, intention for the whole week. Being seen and self-expression, like allowing myself to just fucking express myself and let people see it. Yeah, so like there's this sense of liberation that I was um excited about meeting a new level of. And so I set that intention going into this ecstatic dance. And I was like tuning into the music, I had my eyes closed, I was dancing, I was moving, I had a bikini on, and like a see-through net kind of dress thing on. And I'm dancing. I also did a micro dose of mushrooms, yeah. Like I used a little bit of medicine to support me, not a lot, like a tiny little bit. Um and it's funny, like what was coming up for me was like the medicine was like, take off your cover up, and I was like, fuck. I'm like, are you serious? Take off my cover up and just dance in my bikini. It was like, you want to be seen, you want to be fully expressed, let people see you. Now that was an edge for me, that was a big edge, and I procrastinated for a few minutes trying to find a way around it, and it was crystal clear. I was like, no, this is the thing that you need to do, do it, and I was like, oh, it was it was really uncomfortable, it was out of my comfort zone, so it was not comfortable, and I knew I had to do it because it was so sticky feeling. I was like, oh, I'm gonna be in this fucking bikini, which is literally like tooth floss, it's a string triangle bikini, it ties up at the sides, like tiny little white thing, like my tummy's gonna be out, my whole ass is out, like my tits are out, like I'm literally basically naked, and I'm just gonna be dancing an ecstatic dance, basically wearing nothing. Now, if you've done an ecstatic dance, you know it's not just a little, you know, sidestep tap, little jig jig. Like, it's like you're becoming one with the music, and the music is moving your body. And you've got all different kinds of music in that mix. You've got like primal animal drum music, you've got this crazy, like intergalactic techno shit, like you've got everything, you've got the full spectrum, and your body's gonna move to that, so it's not like hot dancing, it's not something that you necessarily look good at doing, you know, and so I'm about to step into that with nothing on, basically, and I did it, and it was uncomfortable at first, yeah, like oh, I had to really I had to push through, like lovingly, with love and and tenderness and compassion and encouragement to myself, like I had to show up for myself in that moment and be like, we got this, sis. I'm right here with you. Yeah, and that's what you should do too. Like, if you ever find yourself in yeah, like feeling uncomfortable out of the comfort zone, like you get to be your own best friend in that moment. And so that's what I was doing. I was like, You got this, you got this, we got this, let's go. And then, like, maybe five minutes later, I wasn't even thinking about my body. I wasn't even thinking about what I looked like. I fully pushed through and embraced the experience, and I got to meet what was on the other side of all of that resistance, and it was freedom and it was pride in myself. I felt like I'd just given myself the fucking most valuable player medal after doing that because that was a big edge for me. Now, again, your your big edge literally might be wearing a crop top to the gym. It might be smiling at someone when they walk past you. It might be saying hello to someone. That could be where you're at, and that could feel big for you, and that's okay. That's totally okay. We're all right where we're meant to be in this journey, in this personal growth journey, right? And so if you find yourself ever like comparing yourself or putting yourself down because you're at a different place to where someone else is, lovingly, that's dumb. Put that down. Say that with so much love. So much love, I say that with. Put that down. You don't need to be a dick to yourself, you're right where you're meant to be. Yeah? And your problems are important and they matter. Just because someone else has taken a bigger leap, it doesn't mean that your little leap is less significant. That's like when people are like, oh, you know, my trauma's nothing compared to other people's trauma. Other people have, you know, lost their leg. And it's like, I just feel like I'm not good enough because my older brother was, you know, favored by my parents because he's the golden boy. We're not playing that game. Put that down. Yeah. That's you doing that to yourself. That's you doing that to you. Now, I've got a tool, I've got something that I can offer you to help you when you find yourself in these moments where maybe the ego or the, you know, whoever that is, yeah, that has the nasty thoughts or puts you down. Yeah, this is something that I've been doing recently and I'm loving it. Give them a name. So mine is Eleanor. Right? Yeah. Eleanor shows up if I have a little headache and she's like, brain tumor. Like, Eleanor, I'm just tired, sis. I have a big day. Yeah. Eleanor shows up. Um, when else does bloody Eleanor show up? I mean, she's shown up a lot lately. Eleanor had been trying to run the show lately. Um, I've been navigating and integrating some stuff from my last plant medicine ceremony. And it's heavy and it's dark and it's gross. And basically, I was trying to figure out if something bad happened to me when I was a little girl or whether it was indeed just something that happened in my family line. And so Eleanor would yeah, be running a dialogue about that. And God, it was heavy, like it was really uncomfortable, and I've got a lot more clarity around that now, which feels super, super good. Um, and while that was pretty fucked for like six months to be sitting in that unknown, I now have I know that it's helped me in a lot of ways. Yeah, like it's helped me to be a better coach for people that are moving through that, also, because I've I've felt it, I've really sat with it. Anyway, when else does Eleanor show up? Eleanor, hmm. Oh, Eleanor sometimes shows up like around my lutile phase. Yeah. It's like, oh, your body's gross, you're so bloated, you're this, you're that. It's like, Eleanor, we love our body. Thank you. Yeah. Eleanor sometimes shows uh Eleanor could be the voice that's trying to keep you in the comfort zone, by the way. Eleanor could be the one. Now yours isn't going to be called Eleanor. You've got to create your own name, right? And I think it's fun to kind of make it a playoff your actual name. So I have a client, her name's I can say her first name, that's safe. Her name's Emma. And so we made her, her, um, her name Emily. Um, who else had funny ones? Anyway, I've mentioned this to a few of my clients, and it's it's helpful, right? So find a name. Now, the thing is, you're not meant to be a dick to this name. Yeah, because it's just like your ego. This is your ego trying to keep you safe ultimately. Yeah. And we want to make the ego our amigo, our friend, right? So when I'm going into dialogue with Eleanor when she shows up, I'm not I'm not hating on her, I'm not being a dick to her, yeah, because she is a part of me, and I choose to love all of me, even the parts of me that are dark or scared or you know, whatever. I choose to love all of that. And so I'm kind to Eleanor. I'm like, we're good, sis. Thanks for thanks for looking out for me. Yeah. So I wanted to give that to you guys as a little tool that you can use, you know. So, like, if you're wearing the crop top to the gym, yeah, you can say, and Eleanor's like piping up, being like, what are people thinking? Like the old ladies are judging you, blah, blah, blah. Just be like, Eleanor, sis, we're good. Yeah. No one actually gives a fuck that I have a crop top on. Yeah. Thank you so much. I've got you. Yeah, we've got this. Yeah. And it's like, Eleanor, you're gonna get used to the crop top. It's okay that it doesn't feel good now. It will. It will. All right, so that's yours. Take that, use it. It's been really helpful for me. It's been really helpful for my clients as well, people that I work with. Hmm. So I wonder how you're feeling after hearing all of this. I wonder how this is landing for you. I wonder if this feels exciting. I wonder if this feels a little bit nerve-wracking. I wonder if this feels like something that you know you've needed to do for a while and maybe you've been ignoring it. So I wonder if this feels like a calling forward. Yeah. And if so, sis, trust that. Go for it. Yeah. Stop existing in the middle space. It's boring. Nothing's nothing great is gonna happen for you in the middle space. Yeah. I mean okay things will happen for you in the middle space because that's kind of just what it is. It's okay. It's okay. Yeah, it's good enough. It's just where you're at. Something profound happens when you lean into the edge of the box. Something even more profound happens when you step out of it altogether. So go get after it. You probably already have one or two ideas of where you can start. And I'd love to open up a channel of communication with you. When you do the thing, message me. Message me. I would love to hear your stories. And I'd love to celebrate you for doing the thing. Yeah. Because whatever it is, it's important, it's significant, and you deserve to be acknowledged. So slay. Thanks so much for tuning into this episode. I really do hope that it's been an invitation that you're happy to receive. And I hope it yeah. I hope it leads to a lot of growth and self-trust and self pride. Yay. Cheers guys. Bye.